Jay is a husband to Emily, biological and adoptive father of four, and a pastor in South Florida. He brings his personal experience and over 20 years of working with children and students to help equip parents to build thriving families. Jay has walked through the death of a spouse, cancer of a child, and raising foster children with special needs. His podcast combines teaching with interviews that will encourage and equip parents.
Recent episodes featuring Jay Holland
Today on Let’s Parent on Purpose, we’re going to talk about how to encourage our children to walk wisely in a fool’s world as I continue my Survival Guide series on the most essential things that we want our young people to know before they leave our house. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Thank you to this week’s sponsor: The Lake Tahoe Couples Getaway. Sign up before Valentine’s Day and you can receive a $100 discount per person on this amazing couples retreat November 13-16 at the Hyatt Regency on Lake Tahoe. Use this link to let them know I sent you! https://www.tahoecouplesgetaway.com/lpop Show Highlights Think about all the decisions your child will have to make throughout their lives. Our world today is so different from the one that we grew up in and everyday our children are faced with influences that will make them question their faith. That, and dealing with hormonal changes of adolescence, will grow different feelings in them as to what they want to do in the moment. Ephesians 5:15-17 tells us: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is.” As they go out into the world, there are several evils that our children may face, especially drinking and wildfire sexuality – and in our culture that celebrates that everything goes, those two are often combined. These both may seem appealing to our growing children, but as parents, we have to remind them that getting out of bounds with alcohol and sexuality is in contrast to the Lord’s way. It’s foolishness and there will be consequences. Do this by pointing out examples of the terrible consequences of alcoholism and overt sexuality. Remind your kids, “You get to choose to be a wise person. A wise person makes moral judgments and installs moral guardrails before their feelings get turned up high.” When the feelings are up is a really bad time to make decisions. Think of it as driving on the side of a mountain without guardrails. That would be terrifying. The guardrail keeps you from danger. Help your children establish guardrails and boundaries – even before they find themselves in a high-emotion situation. When they are younger, we set the parameters for them as parents, but as they start to get older and have more relationships, instead of telling them what to do, you want to make sure that you are asking them, what are your guardrails? What are your standards? Guide them, but let them own it. As a parent helping your child walk wisely in a fool’s world, keep in mind the following – both for your child and for yourself: Jesus makes the dirty clean. You may have done or thought of some unclean deeds, but you don’t have to live in them, they don’t have to identify you. Jesus frees the slaves. You don’t have to do the things that you used to do once you put your faith in Christ. You don’t have to be bound by decisions you’ve made in the past. Jesus lives as Lord. He rose again from the grave proving that he is the Son of God. If you submit yourself to the Lordship of Jesus and if you live as his servant, following his way, there’s going to be paydays along the way. Living for Jesus has a cost, but it also has immediate rewards, intermediate rewards, and eternal rewards. May Jesus bless you and your family along the way. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866
Today I’m going to cover the concept of considering others before yourself. For something that sounds so simple to say, it can be one of the hardest practices to master in life. It’s also my second topic in my survival series where I cover the core principles that your child needs to master before leaving your home. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights It may seem counterintuitive, but considering others before yourself may be the best survival strategy there is and something important to instill in your children. Think back to when you were younger. We all have experiences of being too afraid to stand up for kids being bullied. Sometimes we’re not mean, but we wouldn’t put ourselves out there for people we can’t gain from. Talking with your kids about it in the first person, based on examples from your own life, makes it very relatable. We naturally put a lot of effort into self preservation. We associate based on perceived status. If someone has money, looks, connections, and we think associating with them is going to get us ahead, we tend to overlook major character issues in their life and major warning signs. We want to associate ourselves with them whether they are of quality character or not. We distance ourselves from potential threats – not just people who will directly hurt or harm us, but also people who by association will get us laughed at or made fun of. They may be good people, but we will not come to their defense publicly. We make the mistake of self-promotion instead of genuine self-sacrifice. In our social media obsessed world, we tend to post our good deeds online. Will you still do good deeds even if no one knows about them? If it’s just a matter of evolution, survival of the fittest, this would work. However, our faith in the teachings of Jesus commands us to do the opposite – to not self-preserve, but to look out for those around us, to count out others more significant than ourselves. Life others up, humble yourself, because God will lift you up. If your faith is true: Be united in your outlook. Be others-first in your actions. Be Christian in your attitudes. Model how Jesus put others before him. Teach your kids to think about what they are doing and how it affects others. In your own house, leaving dishes in the sink, leaving toys out, leaving your chores undone are examples of not considering others. It’s not just laziness, but selfishness, but not thinking of the other person. Point your children towards Christ. One of the ways you show that you belong to Jesus is by being considerate and thinking of others more than yourself. Character is revealed not by what we do when everybody’s looking, not by what we do when there’s rewards, not by what we do when we’re going to advance because of it, but by what you do to the people from whom you have nothing to gain. It’s a simple concept, but one that is so powerful that it will transform your life and the life of your children. Giving your life away is the greatest survival strategy that you could possibly have. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866
When your child has graduated and now they’re out of your house, sitting on their bed in their dorm room or apartment, what are the key principles that you pray are driven deep into their soul? Today, I’m going to begin a series that 12 most important principles that will help our children go beyond survival and thrive in a turbulent world. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights One major core principle your children should possess is knowing how to make meaningful friendships. Help them understand that our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives. We naturally walk, talk, dress, and think like the people we are with most often. Sometimes it’s healthy to step back and get some perspective. Ask your kids to reflect on the question: Do I like the composite of who they are becoming? Because that’s who I’m becoming. Finding a church community that is vibrant and really supports your child could light their life on fire. Without spiritual friendships, you’ll realize how lonely it could be. As it says in the Bible, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Talk to your children about the warning signs of people they may want to avoid. MADGAS, inspired by Proverbs 20, is an acronym that helps identify toxic friendships and relationships that can end up ruining your child’s life. Manipulator – These are people who are good at getting you to do what you shouldn’t and don’t want to do by guilting or shaming you. As parents, also make sure that you’re not being a manipulator to your child. Addict – Addiction destroys humanity. It destroys those who might have once been caring, loving, and generous. Addicts become incredibly self-centered and other become commodities to them. Continue to have conversations with your children about substance abuse in terms of the destructive outcomes it can bring about. Deceiver – These are the liars, those who are not trustworthy. Help your children understand that if they will lie to other people, they will probably lie to you. Lying breaks relationships. Gossip – There are people who feel better about themselves by tearing everybody down. If they gossip with you, they will gossip about you. As a parent, make sure that you aren’t gossiping in front of your child as well. Arguer – The arguer is more concerned with appearing right than they are the people around them. They are a big drain on energy. Slug – People who have a poor work ethic and just sit around and wait for everybody to serve them. Be mindful if you are carrying the load in the relationship. Avoid MADGAS and avoid being them as well. If your child identifies these toxic relationships among their friends, there are two things they can do: Diversify. You don’t need to be around the same people all the time. Dilute. Add new people to your friendship group to change the dynamic of the group. On the other hand, JETPACKs will launch you and uplift you. This stands for people who are: Joyful, Encourager, Trustworthy, Peacemaker, Active, Christ-centered, Kingdom-minded. Encourage your children to be the kind of friend that they want. Be a blessing to others. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866 Free Audio Books: freeaudibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The concept of discipling our children can sound very intimidating. There’s no end to the volumes of books and programs that have been created to help us make disciples. But sometimes all the books and programs bring confusion rather than clarity. As I think through the discipleship of my own children, I begin to think of how Jesus made disciples. My brainstorm quickly grew to a list of 25 ways that Jesus made disciples. Ironically, the larger the list grew, the more encouraged I was. I want to share it with you, because it will help you realize that You are in a better position to disciple your children than anyone else in the world. You’re already doing most of the things Jesus did to make disciples. If you’re interested in support Let’s Parent On Purpose as it reaches moms and dads around the world, consider joining our Patreon Support Community If you’d like help with changing the conversations in your household, text the word THINGS to 66866 to get a copy of my Fun Family Conversations Ebook! As promised on this podcast episode, here’s my list of 25 ways that Jesus made disciples: How did Jesus disciple people? Spend a lot of time with them over several years Slept in the same places where they sleep Ate with them Let them see His personal walk with God Went to celebrations with them Went on walks with them Told them stories Worked and played together Encouraged them when they did well Confronted them when they were going the wrong way Showed patience with them when they just weren’t strong enough Showed weakness in front of them and let them help him Asked them a lot of questions Gave them tasks that were beyond anything they had done to that point Went to religious meetings with them Read scripture with them and discussed its meaning Served other people with them Talked about the things of God in informal times Showed them how to do things Let them do things that He was better at than them Showed his full range of emotions around them Prayed for and with them Laid down His life for them Preached the gospel to them Empowered them to carry the word and work of God into the world Look at that list. You’re already doing many of these! And it wouldn’t take much effort to add some of the others. Discipleship is Life on Life. Keep on discipling your children, and take joy in the journey!
Raising a child as a single parent has to be one of the most difficult things you can do on this earth. Whether you’re a single parent right now or whether you’re in a  married relationship, I encourage you to listen to this podcast because you’re going to be encouraged, you’re going to be challenged and convicted as I talk with my friend Marissa Morris on the challenges and joys of single parenting.  If you’d like, you can read Marissa’s testimony HERE. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Bringing up your children with a partner is difficult enough, but single parenting poses unique challenges that can be overcome with a little help from your community. Single mom Marissa Morris shares that, as she raises her son, she is acutely aware that the relationship between a husband and wife which is symbolic of the relationship between Christ and the Church is missing in her home. Still, she trusts that the Lord will equip her to fill in the gaps for her son and that He will provide godly men in her child’s life that will mentor him and show him what it means to be a godly man living with integrity and grace. As a single parent, you have to do everything – caring for your child, household duties, work. But, Marissa says it is vital to spend time with the Lord no matter how busy she is in a day. “I can’t be a parent that the Lord called me to be unless I’m actually spending time with the Lord.” Carve out time to fill your well up spending personal time with the Lord and make sure your children see that you are doing it. It’s not just something you do when you’re alone or your children are asleep. Our children need to see that the most important relationship we have is with the Lord. As a single parent, community is important. In Marissa’s experience, it helps to be actively involved in her faith community. They were the ones who walked her through good times and bad – from struggling with forgiveness and grace after giving birth, to being a huge support with advice as she raises her child. Involving yourself in classes and group activities might mean an investment of time and resources, but the future dividends will be far beyond what you spend for it. Being involved in a strong church community gives you the mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters that your child needs. Being a single parent doesn’t mean you have to raise your children alone. More than ever you need the family of God supporting you and your children. Resources Mentioned
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Stats
Birthdate
Jan 1st, 1977
Location
Stuart, FL 34997, USA
Episode Count
161
Podcast Count
2
Total Airtime
2 days, 23 hours