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Jay Holland

Jay is a husband to Emily, biological and adoptive father of four, and a pastor in South Florida. He brings his personal experience and over 20 years of working with children and students to help equip parents to build thriving families. Jay has walked through the death of a spouse, cancer of a child, and raising foster children with special needs. His podcast combines teaching with interviews that will encourage and equip parents.
Recent episodes featuring Jay Holland
139 Marriage on Mission with Jenny Price
Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Parenting, Marriage, and Family Talk
Today we are talking with my friend, Jenny Price, and an incredible, practical tool for couples to strengthen their marriage called Marriage on Mission. Jenny is a Pastor’s wife, mother of five, and coach who is passionate about building healthy marriages. The Marriage on Mission tool is one that will help you and your spouse dream, plan and sharpen your direction in a healthy way. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS No matter what stage your marriage is in, if you can get your marriage on mission, you can push toward health. Marriage is the one thing that is definitively shaping our nation. It is not government or healthcare; it is growing healthy marriages. You do not have to simply endure a hard marriage. Putting your marriage on mission will help it grow healthy and thrive. Everything stems from relationships. The fruit of your relationship with your spouse will have a long-lasting impact after you are gone. The most important concept to remember concerning your marriage is that the ultimate mission is not to stay married or have a good marriage. If your marriage is the most important thing to you, it has become an idol. If marriage is the highest priority, you are depending on your spouse to satisfy things that only God can satisfy. There is no person to complete you, and if you are looking to your spouse to do that, you are setting them up for something they are incapable of doing. Your marriage should be a blessing and an absolute source of joy, but it is not your core identity and it is not the main source of joy in your life. Marriage should be combined with: Ministry Careers Eternity So, where should one start to get their marriage on mission? The following steps are part of the Marriage on Mission tool. I encourage you to print the full resource out as it contains additional details that will help you and your spouse get the most out of the exercise! Ask yourself where you are right now. You can’t work on where you want to go without knowing where you are starting from. Talk to your spouse about where they are. Sometimes, one spouse might feel they are in one place and the other has a totally different take on it. We all carry presumptions! It should not scare us if one feels the relationship is in a better place than the other. Evaluating where you both are should not be an exercise in ascribing worth to the other. Do vision-casting exercises. This exercise takes about an hour and a half and is great for a date night: Spend 5 minutes praying and getting into context. Spend 20 minutes individually writing your 1 year vision. This resource provides a number of questions you can use for this step. Read what each other has written. Pay attention to the similarities and differences you discover. Set S.M.A.R.T goals. These should stretch us and push us. Specific Measurable Attainable Risky Timely Focus on eternity. Long for God. He is the goal! Think: My marriage matters because of the legacy that God is building in me. Is my marriage pointing others to Christ? Set a mission statement rooted in scripture. Find a scripture passage that you want your family to be about and live by it. TWEET THIS Everything stems from relationships.Click To Tweet Your marriage should be a blessing and an absolute source of joy, but it is not your core identity and it is not the main source of joy in your life.Click To Tweet My marriage matters because of the legacy that God is building in me.Click To Tweet RESOURCES MENTIONED Marriage on Mission Tool Jenny’s Website Jenny’s Facebook Jenny’s Instagram Heaven by Randy Alcorn The Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis Jay’s Newsletter Jay’s Email Let’s Parent on Purpose Facebook Page Episode 50: Depression and Anxiety in Parenting and Marriage Episode 120: How Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting
138 Spiritual Warfare in the Home
Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Parenting, Marriage, and Family Talk
Spiritual warfare is all around us. It exists in our everyday lives. However, we often overlook aspects of it because we are looking for the big moments of fighting instead of the small daily instances.  So, today I want to look at a certain aspect of spiritual warfare that I believe can derail our families and our relationships with others if left unchecked. If you like the content of this podcast and find it insightful and helpful, please subscribe. If you would like to support Let’s Parent on Purpose and our ministry, please consider becoming a patron. For more information pertaining to the topic of this podcast, please check out this article on spiritual warfare on the Focus on the Family website. Show Highlights To begin, we need to understand that human beings are spiritual beings. The two aspects are not separate. Yet, we do separate them all the time by believing that we are spiritual beings when we attend church, read the Bible, or pray, but we are regular humans the rest of the time. This is not true. You are a spiritual being no matter what you do. I want to look at a certain aspect of spiritual warfare today because spiritual beings are engaged in spiritual warfare. The aspect of spiritual warfare that gets overlooked is: The subtlety of spiritual warfare on a daily basis We often think of spiritual warfare as big battles such as divorces or major addictions or dysfunctions in the home. But what if spiritual warfare started so small that you didn’t even realize it was there? In my experience, spiritual warfare is: little conflicts little discords little annoyances It is death by a thousand relational cuts, and since we don’t realize that the relationship has a spiritual side, we don’t realize the stakes. Spiritual warfare often looks like relational funk between me and you. Know this: You enemy is not your husband, or kids, or the drug dealer in your neighborhood. It is Satan. Your enemy is a spiritual enemy, roaming quietly, looking for opportunities. One major opportunity that will destroy relationships is pride. Pride is: the most anti-God sin that exists. It is anti-people as well. It will kill your house. It will kill your unity. It will kill your relationship with others and your relationship with God. There is a weapon we can use to fight this spiritual battle and that weapon is grace. Grace heals what pride kills. Grace is what allows us to live in a home full of sinners. The pathway to grace starts with humility with God and with others. You can resist the devil by submitting and humbling yourself to God. I want to leave you with three steps to help you fight this battle: Think about the conflicts in your life and submit them to God. Evaluate where those conflicts might have been amplified by your pride. Humble yourself and extend grace with no expectation of return from that other person. Try it and let me know how it works. Send me an email. Here is an extra piece of practical advice: When you feel like you are under attack or in a spiritual battle, pray this out loud: I am a child of God Bought by the blood of Jesus And I claim the blood of Jesus over my life I claim the blood of Jesus over my household And I pray in the name of Jesus and I command any evil force that might be around to leave in the name of Jesus and by the power of Jesus’ blood Remember that there is power in the blood of Jesus when you are under the blood of Jesus. Tweet This: You are a spiritual being no matter what you do.Click To Tweet Spiritual beings are engaged in spiritual warfare.Click To Tweet Spiritual warfare often looks like relational funk between me and you.Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis Focus on the Family Jay’s Email  
137 The Power of Addiction, The Freedom of Recovery
Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Parenting, Marriage, and Family Talk
Today I am joined by my good friend, Melissa Weimer. Melissa is a wife, mother, and the ministry leader of Celebrate Recovery at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. During this episode, Melissa shares her encouraging redemption story, starting with how she began spiraling into addiction at a young age and how that carried into her early years of marriage and parenting. As you listen, I think you will see that Melissa’s story is Jesus’ story.   If you find this podcast helpful, I’d love for you to subscribe and share with your friends! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter from the homepage of letsparentonpurpose.com. Finally, I’ve been using an internet filtering program called “Covenant Eyes.” It’s a wonderful, Christian-based program, and we have it on all of our computers at home. By following this link, you’ll be able to support this podcast.   Show Highlights Our backgrounds can propel us into addiction. Family addiction can be a potential catalyst for adulthood addiction. Not having repercussions or consequences can escalate the problem. What can keep us in our addictions and away from God and His grace? Fear of God and His displeasure in us can make us walk away from Him. Denial of our problems prolongs our descent into addiction. Thinking we have everything under control makes us resist help. What propels us into action about our addiction? Hitting rock bottom can make us realize our need to be saved. Realizing the hurt that we have put others through can fuel our desire for change. Realizing that we have no control over our lives allows us to ask for help. What is Celebrate Recovery? A 12-step program with 8 biblical principles that help us dig into who we are and why we seek out certain addictions continually. The program gives us tools to break the cycle and find our identity and worth in Christ. The program is about finding our identity in Christ and not in our problem. The program is about connecting with others and finding healing through support and confession. We are not our addictions! We all have issues, but we should not be defined by them. Christ is continually working in us. Defining ourselves by our addictions shortchanges Christ’s power in us. What are the effects of recovery? For the individual: There will always be trust issues that you will have to endure. See them as a way to celebrate and show others that you have nothing to hide anymore. Hold tight to your identity in Christ as you pursue sobriety, grace, peace, and happiness. Become involved in a church and give back to others. For the family: Realize that you cannot change the person; you can only love them. Support them, not the problem. Do not enable their issues.   Tweet This I just felt like I was never enough.Click To Tweet At that point, I realized I had become everything I swore I would never become.Click To Tweet If you're still alive, you're wrestling with something.Click To Tweet   Resources Mentioned Covenant Eyes Celebrate Recovery Find a Group: https://locator.crgroups.info/ Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker
136 Picking Your Battles
Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Parenting, Marriage, and Family Talk
Today, we’ll be talking about discerning which battles are worth fighting with our children, teenagers, and our spouses. How do we know which battles to pick and when to let go? Together, we’ll look at some really helpful questions to ask as we seek to navigate these challenges with wisdom. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS When do I let my kids make their own decisions, and when do I stay involved? This question applies to so many areas of life: grades, dating, friendships, a clean room, respect, their relationship with God, work ethic – the list goes on. How do we know which battles to pick? Here are some principles to remember: Curiosity—what is the reason they are doing what they are doing? Correlation—people, especially our children, are a bundle of contradictions Don’t let things slide that will be detrimental to them later in life Don’t let your kids do things that make you dislike them. These are things that will cause other people to dislike them. Some things don’t matter as much as we think. Get some feedback—outside perspective. Ask other parents, for example. In our house—”We speak highly” of one another. This creates an environment of safety. Some things matter more than we think. Example: Girls, watch how a guy treats his mom. Guys, watch how a girl treats her father. Lying, disrespect, etc. are not small things. Eighteen is not the finish line for parenting or developing as a human being. Think of yourself at 18, and now. How much have you changed? Don’t judge your children’s current character development by your character development today.   How to Pick Battles with Our Children Messymotherhood.com has four excellent questions to ask: Will this hurt my child or someone else? Will this cause property damage? Will this go against our family’s rules, values or beliefs? Will this interfere with other plans (does this prevent us from moving on)? If the answer to these questions is “no” and the behavior is still bothering you, ask yourself this final question: why do I feel like I need to stop this behavior?   How to Pick Battles with Our Teens: Here are some helpful questions to ask: How can I get to the heart of my child? Get them to see the why behind my heart. Is this issue ultimately for their good, or a matter of my pride? Am I more concerned about the way it reflects on my parenting ability? This is not the type of criteria to be using. What will be most helpful for their life and character? Sometimes, suffering and facing consequences is most helpful. Does your teen fight you over going to college? There is wisdom in holding back on incurring debt for an education they have no interest in immediately after high school. Ask yourself: Am I stepping in the way of God? Consider that God may be teaching them through the tough consequences. If they have trouble being on-time to work as a 16-year-old? This is the time to let them fail, let them get fired.   How to Pick Battles in Marriage: Have as few battles as possible. Are you evaluating your perception of their love for you by tasks that aren’t in their wheelhouse? Maybe they’re expressing love for you in a way you aren’t recognizing. Be careful about entering into battle. Is this battle truly over the heart or a mechanical function?   Ultimately, when picking your battles—choose wisely, choose rarely, and make sure they actually matter.   Thank you for your positive ratings and reviews! Your feedback is encouraging and appreciated, and really helps promote the podcast for others!   Thank you to my Patreon supporters – you helped me attend a podcast convention this past week, and it was amazing. I am tremendously grateful for your partnership!   TWEET THIS Am I stepping in the way of God?Click To Tweet How can I get to the heart of my child?Click To Tweet When picking your battles—choose wisely, choose rarely, and make sure they actually matter.Click To Tweet   Resources Mentioned Youtube: Lets Parent on Purpose Covenant Eyes Episode 32: Boulders, Backpacks & Boundaries Episode 46: Behavior Should Make You Curious with Bradley McAlister Episode 51: Prioritizing Your Battles Cone of Responsibility 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson www.messymotherhood.com                                  
135 You Are Not In Control
Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Parenting, Marriage, and Family Talk
We’re going to change things up today. We’re going to do a little devotion about a big truth. Walk with me through my favorite Psalm, 127, and learn how we can apply it to our lives. Show Highlights This was a song they would sing as they were marching up the temple steps in Jerusalem each year. It beings as a powerful reminder that, “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” Think about the protective measures for our families we have put in place-health insurance, home insurance, car insurance, savings – all to treat our children well and d protect them from the unknown. No matter how many safeguards we put in place, we are just not in control. This can be terrifying, but, it should also be freeing! We are responsible but we are not in control. What does that mean? Wouldn’t it be better if being responsible meant we were in control? We are responsible to be faithful with what God has put in front of us. We are not in control of the outcome. We are responsible for our own: Decisions. Intentions. Reactions. We are in charge of duties given to us by God, but the outcomes are often a mystery. Eternally, we know God works them for good, but in the day-to-day, we don’t always see how. According to Psalm 127, if I’m not in control that means God is. We should rest better at night knowing this! Be in awe of God’s power! Rely on God to keep your family together. Children are a heritage from the Lord Do you look at your children as arrows? Do you see your children as objects of power and influence for the Lord? Arrows for you to gather, sharpen, and launch into the world on behalf of Christ? Do you value each child as their own unique arrow for God to mold and shape? There is freedom in having no control. Trust in God to preserve your family. There will always be that “one thing.” We require daily dependence on the Lord. We are built for eternity. God will be there, no matter the outcome. Be encouraged to memorize Psalm 127. It should be a continual grounding force in your life. Look at your children as precious arrows given by God. Invest in them as you would anything that could radically shape and change the world. They are the Lord’s arrows. Owning this brings freedom. I would love to pray for you and your “one thing” that you need to trust the Lord in. Please feel free to email me at jay@letsparentonpurpose.com   Tweet This I am responsible but I am not in control.Click To Tweet God’s given me duties to do, but the outcomes are often a mystery.Click To Tweet There will always be that ‘one thing.’Click To Tweet   Resources mentioned Parenting By Paul David Tripp Camp Living Stones, Tennessee Click here to download my free Fun Family Conversations eBook. Want to try audible for free? www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose
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Stats
Birthdate
Jan 1st, 1977
Location
Stuart, FL 34997, USA
Episode Count
140
Podcast Count
2
Total Airtime
2 days, 11 hours