Cults! We know 'em, we love 'em, and today we're gonna rank 'em.

In the opening instalment of this two-part extravaganza we cover our first batch of contenders, discuss the merits & pitfalls of each and rate them based on our own original set of criteria. These scores cover everything from notoriety and death rate to each cult's aesthetic and how impressed we are by the leader's overall vibe.

Would Jonestown have gone better if they'd been a bit more thorough with the location scouting? Are the members of Heaven's Gate really up there on a shiny, shiny spaceship? What the f actually is NXIVM? Press play, and we will guide you through these quandaries and many, many more. 

As if that weren't enough, don't miss this episode's stunning bonus feature: An exclusive presentation of critically acclaimed gothic short story 'The Bellkeep' (2008), read by none other than author and co-host extraordinaire, Maddi 'Madz0rs' McGowan. It's a classic case of "Treat or Treat" here at the Cabin Fever Podcast.

Join us next episode when we'll add NINE more contenders into the mix, and determine once and for all which whacky cohort holds the coveted title of Cabin Fever's #1 Cult Of All Time.

If your fave doesn't make the grade, you can always tell us just how mad you are on twitter or insty @heycabinfever.