Coronavirus lives in aerosolized feces in bathrooms. In non-fecal-related news, the humanless face of nepotism, Jared Kushner informed the country “our” federal stockpiled medical aren’t meant to save the lives of Americans. A COVID-19 infected dude has been fitted with an ankle bracelet because he refused to self-isolate, and infected the tech tasked with affixing his ankle bling. The FBI busted an evil sack of gnu spew price gouging customers for hoarded medical supplies. In a California county, one third of corona infections can be attributed to sky-god temples. With a supporting cast of evangelical ninnies, JEEBUS profiteer Kenneth Copeland acted out an unintentionally hilarious spiritual battle with COVID-19 that climaxed with a spit. A student’s lesbian moms are suing the school system because the P.E. teacher was forcing anti-gay religious drivel onto their son. The heartless GOP of Florida admitted they’re concerned about upcoming elections because Republicans of Florida intentionally designed the unemployment system to fail. President Shitler tried to get a laugh about “models” while informing the nation 100,000 to 200,000 would die from the pandemic.