He’s still here all the time. Yet he’s not. And a diary has more in it than expected.“I’ll feel his absence every day, like a bruise that’s tender to the touch.”A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

9. Something new

1 Dec 7th, 2020 29m 11s

“You’ll never find anyone if you’re not online.” Sophie is ready to start dating again but finds it’s done differently now. She meets a man who likes her shoes.A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

7. Port in the storm

Nov 23rd, 2020 25m 50s

“His death is nothing like the worst thing. The worst thing is now.” Sophie is struggling after Russell’s death. Everyone is trying to help, but is saying the wrong thing – except one person, who knows what it’s like because his wife has died.

6. The funeral

Nov 16th, 2020 21m 28s

Love, flashes of anger and remembering funny things. It's the first time Sophie has nothing to do except sit since her husband died. And she looks like Jackie Kennedy at JFK’s funeral.A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

5. The crowded goodbye

Nov 9th, 2020 34m 22s

“He was covered in flowers and looked so peaceful.” The children put them in his hair and all around him. They stroked his head and kissed him. “It was as though he could see Sophie and the girls were surrounded by lots of love. And he was sur

4. Crashing waves

Nov 2nd, 2020 36m 57s

“I’m sorry it’s not better news.” A hospital appointment feels like a polite break-up. Sophie and Russell are told nothing more can be done.A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service

2. The secret

Oct 18th, 2020 27m 27s

“Of course you’re crying. You’re very, very frightened.” Sophie had started to convince herself that she had overreacted – but she hadn’t. And now nobody must know.A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

1. A shadow

1 Oct 11th, 2020 22m

“He blows a kiss and now I see it – there’s exhaustion in his eyes. How didn’t I notice it before?”Sophie and Russell never expected anything bad to happen – not to them. But then he had some blood tests and scans and they started to feel scar

11. The shoe

Dec 21st, 2020 19m 29s

“She hates me going into her room”. A pink, strappy, high-heeled shoe causes a big row. The girls are growing up – fast. And now Sophie is crying over a shoe.A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

10. Appointment

Dec 14th, 2020 24m 35s

The washing machine breaks. The bills are mounting. Sophie almost electrocutes herself. And just as it couldn’t get any worse, it’s raining and there’s nowhere for the delivery men to park. Now she is going to be late for her appointment.A Fal

8. Going under

Nov 30th, 2020 31m 19s

“Mama, I can’t get to you!” There’s unexpected danger on a holiday, when the family is swept out to sea in Byron Bay, Australia. A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

3. Family portrait

Oct 26th, 2020 34m 57s

“Hold on, we think. Hold on.” A photo and a moment captured, trying to cling on, before it all begins. The cancer treatment starts and everyone wants to help.A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

Prologue

Oct 1st, 2020 2m 55s

“I don’t dream about him for weeks. And then, there he is, woven into my sleep.” A story about losing the man you love and going on without him; about raising two girls through grief, being alone and surviving - mostly intact. Chapter 1 will