Charla Lauriston is a Los Angeles based writer and producer hailing from New York by way of Boston by way of Haiti. Charla has written for TV, most recently The Last OG on TBS. She appeared on The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail on Comedy Central and co-hosts the Secret Lives of Black Women podcast.

What was the one thing holding you back from accepting self-love? Childhood experiences. I don’t think that I had experiences in my childhood that modeled self-love. It took therapy to realize that, I didn’t even put those two things together. It’s very valuable to mediate on your childhood experiences and what tapes we’ve been given, what perspectives of ourselves we’ve been told to have, understanding that the way that people treated you or the ways that they didn’t protect you or love you… it’s not a reflection on you. You have the power to reframe those experiences. You can change the narrative you’ve been given.

One person who changed your life for the better? Definitely my husband. I really had a lot of my revelations about self-love being called to love someone. I’m the kind of person who thought that I was such a good lover, I was really good at giving love. It’s impossible to really do that when you don’t love yourself. Those were the kinds of things I was made to face. He’s been my biggest self-love inspiration.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received? Somebody told me to keep your eyes on your own paper and I just never forgot it and I repeat it a lot. Share a self-care habit that you practice regularly. I have been trying to do and say how I actually feel. Isn’t it crazy? If I don’t want to go somewhere or do something, in the past I would say sure, trying to be accommodating. I’m less and less accommodating and happier and happier every time. It has been a huge self-care moment.

What book are you reading right now? “Educated” by Tara Westover and Toni Morrison’s “The Source of Self-Regard”

Find Charla: The Secret Lives of Black Women Podcast @charlalauriston @theslbw