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This week, Alec and Val use their gift of foresight (or maybe hindsight) to partially spoil some clues from Season 2 Episode 7, The Marchioness. Sherlock's brother is back! And we get to meet his ex-fiancee... Yes, that ex-fiancee. She went on to marry a Marquis Byell, and she got a divorce horse for her troubles. Time to take one bite of risotto and then spend the whole episode acting awkward about adults doing normal adult things! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Val and Alec are celebrating Valentine's week with our favorite non-romantic partners, Joan and Sherlock! This week, we watched Elementary Season 2, Episode 6. We debate over some onscreen disagreements, we list some presidents in correct chronological order, and of course we make puns. Other topics of interest include barkeology, bellends, and designer ski masks. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Shadelock Holmes is disappointed that a lot of people are alive this week, but Joan has an official case tracking down an anthropomorphic cereal tiger. Alec and Val watched Elementary Season 2 Episode 5, "Ancient History" this week. We dispense useful advice such as not to let your baby chew on $20 bills, and not to chew on your baby. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
This week, Val and Alec take a big sip of blueberry milk and discuss the silly beginning and serious ending of Season 2 Episode 4 of Elementary, Poison Pen. (content warning in this episode for csa; we flag it within the audio as well so you know when it's coming up). If you are a chap in chaps, the CEO of S.I.M.P., or looking to become pen pals with the lovely Annebigail, this is the episode for you! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Joan and Sherlock are on the case to save New Gork City, Yorgia from a group of leaks and hackers! Val and Alec discuss Joan's further education as a detective, plus Sherlock's flair for vocabulary in this installment of Enby, Interrupted. This week we watched Season 2, Episode 3, We Are Everyone. The title refers to the group of hackers, whose name is very original and not derivative of anything in real life. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Everybody be Backstreet Boys Join our discord!
Season's Measons, everyone! This week, we watched Elelmentary Season 2 Episode 2, Solve for X. This episode features a lot of math, some ink that is NOT semen-based, and some actors who were in other media (if you can believe that). If the semen/ink thing isn't suggestive enough for you, we sprinkle in some penis handwriting analysis as well. Word to the wise: this episode, Val debuts a hilarious salad joke they wrote that is a must-listen! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Welcome to the year of the cow! This episode gets nice and milky as Sherlock and Joan head off to London, the home of rich people who get their teeth pulled for fun, and the world's biggest eye. It's looking right at you and blinking quite dangerously. Don't worry about it! This week we watched Season 2 Episode 1 of CBS Elementary, Step Nine. We meet some new characters from the Sherlock Holmes canon, including one who Joan didn't know existed! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
This week we watched the season 1 FINALE of Elementary, aka episode 24 Heroine. (tw for drug overdose near the end of the episode. You will know it's coming up when we start talking about Sherlock showering, tragically without Bell.) Balto goes all out for the finale, and licks the microphone because he's a dog. We learned that family can be just a guy, or a woman doing surgery on a corncob, or two girlz going on a girlz date. This podcast is just goofing around, no racism against Italians or threats of violence in Minecraft against senate majority turtles is intended and you can bet your bottom Mace-buck on that! (Stick around after the episode for some bonus Balto bontent.) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
This week we watched s1e23 of Elementary, "The Woman". And so did Roy, our hilarious guest!!! We discuss women such as Natalie Dormer, tiny short king Marcus Bell, peeping and pooping out of your nightie's buttflap, and Val's biography The Audacity of Discord. This episode has a great guest AND a big twist! You gotta listen, folks! Photo discussed in the "symmetrical faces" portion: https://www.unilad.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/symmetrical_celebs_12.jpg Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Faith by George Michael Join our discord!
For this week's episode of Look, Mom! Nobody Old Podcasts (LMNOP for short), we watched season 1 episode 22 of Elementary, Risk Management. Val shows off their knowledge of The Nanny theme song, and complete lack of ability to speak or remember Latin. Every version of Watson is in danger this week, so make sure you've been immunized against Saudi A-Rabies, stay hydrated, and lose your tail (your monkey tail)!
Val and Alec overcome their salamander tongue to talk about Sherlock and Joan's descent to the dark side. This week we watched Season 1 Episode 21, A a Landmark story. This episode features a lot of interesting characters such as Concrete Teeth, Mr. Beep, Moron, and the iconic duo Bernie and Ert. Join our discord!
This week, after watching Season 1 Episode 20 of Elementary, Dead Man's Switch, Val and Alec stab in the dark at some truths of the universe. What would a hypothetical bell sound like? What is the difference between concrete and cement? What kind of chip could you eat if it was a year old? That last one was submitted to us by a listener and we do answer it pretty well. We're about as good at knowing things as Johnny Lee Miller is at doing an American accent, which is to say it comes and goes. Join our discord!
Oops, kind of a late upload this week, sorry about that! After featuring in last week's episode, Balto has become a bit addicted to the fame and could not help himself but join this week as well. He has some fun facts to tell us about the newest member of the Elementary cast of characters, Ms. Hudson! This week we watched season 1 episode 19 of Elementary, Snow Angels. This leads us to muse about such topics as old-timey rhino snowplows, Val's status as an overalls guy and wig freak, and the latest gadget: the iPhone 4. Join our discord!
This week, Val and Alec watched Season 1 Episode 18 of Elementary, Déjà Vu All Over Again. Also, we watched Season 1 Episode 18 of Elementary, Déjà Vu All Over Again. This episode features a fiddler, a push-ee, a suspiciously eyebrowless husband, and a few different kinds of trunk. If this all sounds familiar, you may be suffering from déjà vu's lesser known cousin, déjà who. Join our discord!
This episode, Balto finally speaks his mind! He's not just a background character of LMNOP, he has things to say, and this week he says them. We watched Elementareep Season 1 Episode 17, Possibility Two. Joan has finally started to embrace the detective life, and Sherlock has plenty of Holmeswork to help her learn more. She's reading, she's learning single stick, she's... taking his sweaters to the dry cleaner? It's all part of learning to be a detective. Alec and Val took any and every opportunity to sing and be stupid this week, and we introduced some new faces to the LMNOP discord. Join our discord! disclaimer: if you're unfamiliar with dogs like Val was when they met Balto, please don't be worried about his barking. Huskies are just notoriously "vocal," aka he loves to complain.
This week, we watched Season 1 Episode 16, Details. Joan makes a big step this week, no thanks to Sherlock's gorilla tactics and granny shots. And don't get any funny ideas about what a granny shot is, it's a normal term. Alec and Val also do some OTGW-style singing, and debate about who's the sexiest Holmes and Watson. Is Lucy Liu foxy? Listen in to find out!
Maybe Sherlock with it, maybe it's Maybelline! This week we watched Season 1 Episode 15, A Giant Gun Filled With Drugs. Someone's been taken, like in the movie Taken, so a bad influence pops back into Sherlock's life even though Joan might want him to ge' ou' of her swump. (This episode of Elementary had a character with a Scottish accent in it, so we attempt to emulate it, to great success.) Join our Discord!
This week your hosts Val and Alec have watched Season 1 Episode 14 of Elementary, The Deductionist. More like, the duck shinist. Joan and Sherlock have a lot to contend with this week, like serial killers and eVeN wOrSe, pornography. We provide Balto the dog with some mixed messages while we discuss profilers, single stick, and anti-kidney beans.
Was the moon landing real? Val and Alec aren't sure. This week, we watched Season 1 Episode 13 of Elementary, The Red Team. Or maybe that's just what NASA wants you to believe... Pour yourself a nice bub of tea, and come listen as we discuss conspiracy theories, tortoises, and doing a tight fifteen at your therapist's office. Join our discord!
Val and Alec, or shall we say V and A, discuss season 1 episode 12 of Elementary, "M." This episode, Sherlock and Joan are soon to part ways. Or are they...???? Val and Alec discuss Ms.Monopoly, futbol, craft nights, and adding "details" to your "backdoor." As usual, Balto the dog can't help but join in. Join our discord!
We're back, coming to you LIVE (pre-recorded) from our new studio! This week we watched Season 1 Episode 11, Dirty Laundry. Like that Spin Doctors song! And, there's a pen. Outfit watch is in high gear this week, as we tip, blip, and make Russian puns. We also do some very bad Russian accents, so to all the people who know what they're supposed to sound like, we apologize.
(It means cheek swab.) This week we watched Elementary S1E10, The Leviathan. It's a big safe that's hard to crack, but only because nobody's tried to make it spicy before. Val and Alec are here to solve the case, but first we're driving a smelly fishy car to Sing-Sing the Karaoke bar, wearing our matching BOGO bolo ties. Hopefully there will be some cool twins there we can meet. Also, surprise, this episode features Balto the puppy and his puppy sounds!
In a rare turn of events, this episode of LMNOP got a little silly. Just kidding, they're always silly! We do a little singing, a little fake crying, a lot of goofing, and a small amount of talking about peep and poop. If you would like to learn about shiny gambling parlours, and talk to English with us of detectives, listen in. This week we watched Season 1 Episode 9, You Do It To Yourself.
Talk about a blast from the past! This week Alec and Val and the cast of Elementary take a trip down memory lane as we watch Season 1 Episode 8, The Long Fuse. We check our savings at the Saucy Lizard Bank, and Alec clues us in on some Disney knowledge. This episode of LMNOP features an extensive musical break (a capella) after Val tells Alec that that one Spin Doctors song is by the Spin Doctors. Join our discord!
(The P stands for pee.) This week, Alec and Val visit Little Soccer Chechnia, by way of a heated discussion of Cinderella's motives, with a stopoff at a murder most fart. We watched season 1 episode 7, One Way to Get Off. The title kind of refers to what you think it does, and kind of not. This episode has a serial killer, and we all know serial killers are pervs. We are also graced with a cameo by producer of the show Balto, who has a lot of talents. Join our new discord! Intro song by Noah Geist
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Podcast Details

Created by
Val & Alec
Podcast Status
Jun 15th, 2020
Latest Episode
Feb 23rd, 2021
Release Period
Avg. Episode Length
About 1 hour

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