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Episode #41: How to Cope During the Holidays:

Episode #41: How to Cope During the Holidays:

Released Tuesday, 23rd October 2018
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Episode #41: How to Cope During the Holidays:

Episode #41: How to Cope During the Holidays:

Episode #41: How to Cope During the Holidays:

Episode #41: How to Cope During the Holidays:

Tuesday, 23rd October 2018
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Halloween is right around the corner and kicks off the beginning of the holiday season in the US. This is the time of year that can intensify many emotions and bring on feelings of loneliness or the need to self-medicate. Even though, I have been talking about empowerment, active choice, and being deliberate, I want to bring back the softer side of this show and talk about feelings that the holidays can bring up.

Today, I’m going to talk about a few ways to cope during the holidays in regards to love addicted behaviors. The holidays can trigger so many feelings and emotions. We may be drawn back to a toxic person, or struggle with past memories and expectations, or we may feel obligated to attend family events with people we don’t want to be around. Here are a few ways to cope with the stress and triggers of the upcoming holidays.

Show Notes

  • [06:45] Ways to cope.
  • [06:50] Triggered by comparisons. Comparing yourself to others in relationships. We can get stuck in fantasy thinking about how great their relationship is.
  • [07:47] Our core beliefs can tell us we need something outside of ourselves to feel better.
  • [08:07] Start now by building a gratitude list of what you are grateful for.
  • [09:29] When you have a gratitude list of what you actually have, it starts to become real and change your perspective.
  • [10:41] Prepare for those family events by writing down answers to the uncomfortable questions that you think they may ask you.
  • [11:10] He's not here right now can be a great answer.
  • [11:33] You get to create your own boundaries. If other people don't like it, that is their reaction to have.
  • [11:56] You may need to practice boundaries with what you are going to say and boundaries that you are going to have with certain people.
  • [12:53] Holiday parties can be fun even if you thought you didn't want to go. If you feel lonely, bring a friend.
  • [13:20] Breaking no contact. This is completely breaking contact with this person. If this person has access to you, you will reply or create fantasies in your mind.
  • [15:47] Commit that no contact is still in effect and don't leave a door open like the ability for them to text you.
  • [16:50] Look at your calendar and decide to stay in no contact until a later date. Being too rigid can set you up for disappointment and failure.
  • [19:15] Sometimes during the holidays, you just want to feel connected to someone and have sex.
  • [20:40] Some people run away from intimacy and connection. If this is you, you should date and engage and have a more balanced lifestyle.
  • [21:32] If you have compulsive behavior, talking to someone and getting into some type of therapy can help you figure out your next step.
  • [22:04] If you struggle with sexually compulsive behaviors, only talk to your healthy friends about it.
  • [23:31] You can embrace temporary celibacy and take control of these things that have been overpowering your life.
  • [25:34] Because the holidays bring up so many emotions, it is a great time to embrace therapy.
  • [26:06] As you grow and become healthier, you also become more aware of things that you need to work on.
  • [27:07] Make a safety plan. A way for you to have something positive and life-giving to look forward to each day of the holiday season that is hard for you.
  • [27:43] Make a calendar and write out the positive life-giving things that you are going to do on those days.
  • [28:31] We are tempted to act out when we feel like something is missing.
  • [29:27] Your safety plan will take the power away from other people and bring you back to yourself.

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