I dunno how we've gone almost a year without talking about credit scores - so surprised that I had to check the episode list. But, better late than never - it's time to fix that shitty credit of yours.Having a non-shitty credit score is absolu

Survive Getting Shot

Apr 20th, 2021 11m 29s

Last episode we talked about shooting shit, so this episode we’ll cover the flipside - how to not die after getting shot.This’ll be focused on how to fix yourself, as the odds of you having someone standing next to you to patch you up after get

Shoot a Gun

Apr 8th, 2021 10m 48s

Since the world always feels one bad day away from devolving into a shitty post-apocalyptic wasteland, understanding guns and how to shoot them would probably be helpful.Obviously you aren’t going to become a proficient sniper from listening to

Have Table Manners

Mar 29th, 2021 11m 57s

I figure we all spend so much fuckin time at Taco Bell that most of us have forgotten how to not completely embarrass ourselves during any semi-respectable event. Maybe you’re interested in learning table manners, maybe you think it’s a buncha

Trade Stocks

Mar 25th, 2021 27m 42s

It’s been a long break, but I’m back to insult your intelligence - hopefully every week without breaks for a good long while.You’ve almost certainly heard of the clown-show that is the stock market these last few months, with all the reddit-bas

Start a Cult

Dec 21st, 2020 19m 31s

Today we’re gonna get weird and convince a group of people to do irrational things.Everyone has heard of groups of crazy people doing crazy things and following a crazy leader, but it never fully makes sense how anyone could possibly subscribe

Change Your Oil

Dec 11th, 2020 12m 25s

Oil is like your car’s blood - if there’s not enough of it, or if there’s something wrong with it - your car will die. Your engine is basically just a shit-ton of metal pieces strapped together that are shoved around by controlled explosions. T

Maintain a Home

Dec 6th, 2020 11m 14s

If you’re under 40 years old, you’re a Millennial by most standards. If you’re a Millennial, there’s about a 50% chance you own a home, according to the most recent census data.Also if you’re a Millennial, there’s about a 60% chance that you re

Buy Bitcoin

Dec 3rd, 2020 19m

Bitcoin, or “Cryptocurrency”, is one of those things that almost everyone has heard of, but almost nobody actually understands. A survey was done a few years ago and only 6% of respondents said they were familiar with how it works. That means t

Choose Health Insurance

Nov 29th, 2020 14m 59s

I wanted to get one up to prepare you for “Health Insurance Open Enrollment” season that’s right around the corner.Every year a lot of people just kinda guess what health insurance to go with, or maybe just pick the cheapest option. Your employ

File Your Taxes

Nov 23rd, 2020 19m 48s

It’s November as of this recording, which means Tax Season is right around the corner. Whether you owe money or you’re expecting a refund - you’re definitely annoyed that it isn’t easier, and probably curious why filing your own goddamn taxes i

Be More Thankful

Nov 20th, 2020 13m 42s

In light of the American Holiday “Thanksgiving” being next week, we’re gonna set you up for success to be less of a garbage person.This isn’t my preferred genre of topic - but it’s still a very real concept with tangible steps you can actively

Grow Marijuana

Nov 13th, 2020 26m 44s

Marijuana was just legalized in several more states, and I’m guessing there’s a lot of people out there plotting their new careers as pot farmers.Maybe you’ve already googled it, clicked the first wiki-how article that popped up, and are about

Make A Great First Impression

Nov 9th, 2020 14m 44s

Hello there! We’re back, and it’s time for Season Two of Misfigured Life - comin at you from a new city and a new recording studio. Let’s get to it. You want people to stop judging you based on your gross lack of charisma and abrasive personali

Train a Dog

Sep 25th, 2020 15m 44s

Today we’re going to learn how to manipulate and condition the behavior of our four-legged companions.Super well behaved dogs are uncommon - we’re always so surprised and impressed when we see them, and we all pretend they’re just “Really good

Fake Your Own Death

Sep 16th, 2020 11m 30s

Today we’re gonna kill ourselves. Not literally - fraudulently.There’s a lot of reasons why people have fabricated their own early demise over the years, from cashing out life-insurance policies, to dodging student loans, avoiding jail time,

Get a Job

Sep 11th, 2020 13m 41s

Today’s topic is getting a job. We’re gonna write a kickass resume, find a job, apply to a job, and crush a job interview. Welcome to “How to Get a Job”. Step one is writing a resume. Well, technically the first step would be to take a momen

Draft Fantasy Football

Aug 29th, 2020 12m 58s

Football is just a couple weeks away, so if you haven’t drafted that team yet you’re about to. We’re gonna focus primarily on draft strategy and week-to-week adjustment strategies - while trying to avoid getting too deep in the weeds.Right out

Relocate

Aug 22nd, 2020 15m 5s

Today’s topic is something just about everyone has to do several times in their life, and - if you’re not rich - it sucks gigantic balls each time. Welcome to - “How to Relocate”We’re gonna talk about purging your useless garbage, how and what

Be a Human Lie Detector

Aug 17th, 2020 12m 42s

We’ll throw some assumptions in the trash, look for sh*t that matters, and manipulate the person a little before and after the potential lie to increase our rate of success.Fortunately, science and research is a thing, providing us with semi-re

Trailer

Misfigured Life Trailer

Aug 13th, 2020 30s

Learn how to do life more gooder. "Horrible podcast, it's insulting and the language is unnecessary" - Your Mom, probably. Misfigured Life is an educational podcast that respects your time and absolutely nothing else. Realistic steps to accomp

Hack WiFi

Aug 12th, 2020 10m 52s

Today we’re gonna make an amateur nerd out of you and magically grant you access to almost any wi-fi, regardless of how impressive their security is. Welcome to “How to Hack Wi-Fi”.-----------------------------------------Wifi Adapters:$15 TP-L

Make a Decision

Aug 8th, 2020 15m 23s

Since you’re all secretly insecure and terrified of looking stupid or being on the receiving end of criticism or repercussions, welcome to “How To Make A Decision”. The answer to this question is incredibly subjective and often situationally sp

Be a Wine Snob

Jul 31st, 2020 13m 48s

Before we can convince that lady or gentleman that we aren’t classless slobs, we’ll need to crush out some terminology and concepts first. We’ll break down some of the most popular “Varietals”, aka different types of wines. We’ll also touch on