Ken and John provide a time capsule of whimsical recordings for future generations, commemorating the human race's triumphant achievements and its beautiful mundanities. There's no way you want to miss out on these strange-but-true stories.
In which a doddering general saves America from an alarming alternate history in which the Confederacy takes over the nation instead of seceding, and Ken objurgates against several things (but especially slavery). Certificate #15899.
In which an unnamed Greek shipping magnate "jumbo-izes" an oil tanker so big that it can't even navigate the English Channel, and John ponders digging a canal between Seattle and Omaha. Certificate #36640.
In which thousands of Mesoamerican "toys" in museums around the world turn out to be terrifying vessels for the screams of wind and death, and Ken dreams of wearing "Bespin fatigues." Certificate #34995.
In which a single TV series builds the modern image of American police as righteous and efficient, despite much evidence to the contrary, and John uses its theme song in the bedroom. Certificate #35498.
In which we trace the convoluted, "kooky-wawa" genealogy that identifies the Spanish playboy banker who should be sitting the French throne, and John wants to be a ski-town sheriff. Certificate #24409.
In which the dark days of the 1980s are brightened by the sudden appearance in Sunday newspaper supplements of the world's smartest person, and John tries to buy a mean t-shirt about Ken. Certificate #51993.
In which the we learn that that story of America's most famous false teeth is upsetting for reasons that go way beyond dental pain, and Ken calls George Washington the ultimate NIMBY. Certificate #35120.
In which a kitchen gadgeteer harnesses the power of late-night television to create a new American art form, the infomercial--but wait, there's more! Ken thinks music shouldn't come from a scarf. Certificate #32041.