Look, I've been up all night, and seriously the first person to speak to me may find themselves trying to pour coffee into a stump. Like, where their head used to be, not a tree, that was supposed to be sort of threatening and scary. Never mind

episode thirty-seven: Hung up like a deli chicken

6 Apr 12th, 2020 27m 18s

Despite Joe's best attempts to keep the Oz 9 free of ... icky things, a very large, armed, and presumably hostile icky thing has taken over the bridge.This has just been one of those space voyages, hasn't it? You're listening to:Iri Alexand

episode thirty-six: There once was a garçon from Bordeaux

7 Mar 30th, 2020 29m 58s

Pod poetry is generally considered to be the 3rd worst in the universe. If you have a weak liver or any sort of cheese allergy, you might want to check with a doctor before listening to this episode.You're listening to:Bonnie Brantley as Jes

episode one: What the f* is that smell??

1 1 Nov 18th, 2018 19m 48s

HEY! HI! If you enjoyed this episode (and yes, I know, you probably haven't heard it yet, hush), you'll be thrilled to know it's also a COMIC BOOK. Which you can BUY! https://oz9podcast.etsy.comOn an otherwise unexceptional Tuesday in 2142*, G

episode twenty-eight: Not a sane pair of lederhosen on this ship

3 Dec 1st, 2019 23m

An episode so full of unexpected twist and turns, you should probably schedule an appointment with your chiropractor now. Wet sandwiches, heat-resistant foxes, and some highly suspect popcorn flavoring are the very least of the crew's problems

episode forty: Be prepared to lose body hair

5 May 24th, 2020 30m 7s

It's the end of Season 2, and our crew are still dumb, still in space, and still hovering at the edge of death. Thanks to all the zig zagging around the galaxy, they're nearly back where they started, and the forniculator still hasn't been fixe

episode twenty-seven: Too chiseled to burn

4 Nov 17th, 2019 24m 38s

Does it sometimes seem like everything that is trying to kill you wants to talk to you about it first? I mean, I don't really feel like I need to connect with you on an emotional level when I'm just trying to keep breathing.In episode 27, a ve

episode fourteen: Of baguettes and bastards

1 Apr 21st, 2019 21m 38s

Captain Jessie is now aboard the Oz 9, which is great, except she brought her assassin with her, and he's managed to get a hold of some fairly crucial information about the Oz 9. But he's kind of an idiot, so ... there's that.Will our pointles

episode forty-two: Escaping at a brisk walk

2 Aug 9th, 2020 28m 37s

Something nefarious is happening on a golf course in French Lick, Indiana. Actually, several nefarious things. Well, OK, like, three... maybe four nefarious things, and then a whole bunch of naughty things. Look, we're losing the point here. L

episode thirty-nine: From last cluck to a bucket of extra crispy

3 May 10th, 2020 27m 40s

Episode 39 means one more until the end of Season 2, and where we're going is no clearer than the muck at the bottom of the bioswamp. But hey, you've gotten this far, you might as well stick with us a little longer. Eventually, it'll all make s

episode thirty-five: Rabid egret eggs and something vaguely chivelike

2 Mar 15th, 2020 26m 29s

Beans — BIG beans — are about to be spilled aboard the Oz 9, and that could spell trouble for the crew. Especially if the beans land in a very particular way that happens to spell "trouble."And someone aboard the Oz 9 is not doing their job. I

Bonus

Bonus: It's an Oz 9 Halloween

3 Nov 1st, 2019 18m 9s

It's the Oz 9, so of course they even manage to screw up Halloween. What do you do if there's an open and empty coffin in the hold of your ship? No, really, what do YOU do, because we've got bugger all for ideas.You've been listening toRic

Bonus

Bonus episode twenty-three and a half: Can you give yourself the finger?

2 Sep 22nd, 2019 14m 53s

Who doesn't love a good origin story, amirite?Here's hoping you also love a mediocre one. Even a sort of lousy one that involves a lot of people with fishy sounding names (you'll get that joke once you've heard it). This is our cameo-laden b

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episode seventeen: So the deed could not be done

1 Jun 2nd, 2019 27m 44s

The episode that finally answers the critical question: why do robots climb like cows?There's an arm under the sofa, Jessie's dangling from a shelf in Maintenance Bay 15, and we learn what ligatures are for.It's, like, Day 7? 8? aboard the Oz

episode sixteen: We are not breathing the passengers

1 May 19th, 2019 21m 20s

'Allo, little piggies! The notorious assassin le Bichon Frise is circling our crew like a vulture who hopes his prey drops soon because he's tired and hungry and a little cranky and frankly probably a little dehydrated and his blood sugar's lo

episode thirteen: Aim for the mime

1 Apr 7th, 2019 20m 25s

You know how the little fluffy dogs are always the meanest? Well, this bichon frise is no exception. He's coming for Captain Jessie, and things are looking bad for the fearless, tartan-clad leader of the 6748. Join our intrepid — sorry, that's

Bonus

Bonus: Oz 9 Mini Episode 10 and a half

1 Mar 31st, 2019 8m 3s

What happens when a homicidal, two-headed robot gets shoved into an empty (empty??) storage bay without arms or hope of release?Good question. Listen in and find out. As always, huge thanks to all our Patrons!You're listening to:Eric Perry

episode twelve: A bucket full of mime

2 Mar 24th, 2019 20m 1s

A pod has popped open, and something is roaming loose aboard the Oz 9. Something silent.... but ... deadly?Jessie, Captain of the neighboring Oz 6748, may have good reason to fear for her life, ANDOlivia explains the MRDR protocol, which is

episode eleven: She might do some lasting pickles

1 Mar 10th, 2019 18m 29s

It's Day TwoAnd we're as startled as you are that anyone's still alive.Day two on the Oz 9 sees the crew celebrating fewer fatalities (sorry, Matt) at least on board (sorry, Sweden) and making a critical discovery about cheese.But the two-he

episode nine: Mind the gap

1 Feb 11th, 2019 16m 47s

In which:Colin makes a sausage-scented discovery, Rock and Donna talk murder, we learn about automatic chopsticks, and Olivia confesses that she might not be … all there.You’re listening to:Tim Sherburn as ColinEric Perry as JoeRichard

episode eight: Things that go stupid in the night

1 Jan 30th, 2019 18m 26s

In whichIt's "night" on the Oz 9, and the crew is literally and figuratively stumbling around in the dark. Back on earth a cub reporter and a private dick are hot on Mr. Southers' heels, asking the sorts of questions that might get them an inv

episode seven: The biggest bunch of mindless wankers

1 Jan 13th, 2019 18m 8s

In whichLeet is accosted by someone (or thing) and bunged into airlock 7,Olivia gets tetchy about Leet's imminent demise,There's an enormous amount of bickering, andWe discover the limits of that whole "two heads better than one" nonsense.

episode six: Dark and starting to collect liquid

2 Jan 7th, 2019 15m 28s

In whichLeet reveals a certain fascination with some heavenly orbs...More pods go squelchy...We discover how the crews of the Oz fleet were assembled, and ...The narrator reveals a Very Big Secret.You're listening to:Richard Cowen as Lee

episode five: There's a zombie in the corridor

1 Dec 23rd, 2018 16m 11s

Heave a sigh of relief: Leet’s symmetry has been restored. Might suggest you breathe through your mouth, though, as there’s a rapidly decomposing dead person in the corridor. Messing up Joe’s clean floors. Seriously, zombies are why we can’t ha

episode four: Space is great for sulking

1 Dec 13th, 2018 13m 28s

Hey, speaking from the future here, but Oz 9 has a comic book! https://oz9podcast.etsy.comRight. As you were.Episode four in which Olivia gasses the crew, Leet's symmetry is imperiled, and the janitor and the AI debate the relative value of t