In this episode of The Relationship Success U Podcast we continue to discuss Husbands/Wives biblical roles and responsibilities from the inventor of marriage himself! We talk about what happened after ‘the fall’ and the punishment that came with it taken from Genesis 3:14-16.

Adam’s sin unleashed the clash of female disobedience and the destructive curse of male domination. Your “desire” shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16. This has nothing to do with your wife physically desiring you. This is not a good thing!

The “fall” or “curse” unleashes the woman’s rebellion to the headship of man, and man instead of leading, now has a “bent” to dominate. The woman’s desire will be to usurp her husband’s authority or another way to look at it “you will desire your husband’s position”! Because of the fall/curse there will be a clash between husband and wife, a clash for “control”, but even in the midst of the clash the God ordained order will not be dismissed, the husband will still remain in authority- he will rule over you, albeit in a fallen sense, not as God had originally designed. The fall “perverted” God’s original design.

Only where true Christianity flourishes is there any real easing of this curse. Ephesians 5:22-33 teaches how we can decrease its effects within our marriages—by emulating the virtues of Christ's relationship with the church. Thus, wives are told to submit rather than contend, and husbands are commanded to love rather than dominate. It takes conscious effort to overcome the effort to overcome evil, ingrained habits of 6,000 years of misguided practice.

This is the illustration part. Just like Jesus and God are one. We are called to be one in our marriages: Genesis 2:24

There is to be obedience in marriage.   Women are to follow their husband’s leadership with respect, choosing to submit to that leadership (Titus 2:5, 1 Pet. 3:1-4).  1 Peter states that when wives submit to their husband’s leadership, they are doing it as service to God (1 Pet. 3:1-4).

Husbands are to follow God’s instruction and Christ’s example to be a servant leader, not passive as Adam was in Genesis 3:6 and not domineering as men have a tendency to do, but as a service unto God. So what happens in a marriage?- THREE become ONE.

A great marriage is only great if the husband is submitting to the leadership of God, the wife is submitting to the leadership of the husband. You have a submitted husband, a submitted wife, and a Supreme God!   Men and women were created with distinct abilities to fulfill these biblical roles, and when husbands and wives follow the biblical pattern within the home, they bring glory to God as a picture of Christ and His church, thus the illustration.

Helpful Resource on the Biblical Roles from Marnatha Life by Deborah Murphy

THE BELIEVING WIFE

1. Sex - Sexual Intimacy / One Flesh Relationship - Cor 7:2-5; Eph 5:31; Gen 2:24-25

• Without sex, a couple co-exist as room-mates, not lovers.
• Leave her father and her mother
• Sexually please her husband - 1 Cor 7:33
• Meditate sexually on her husband - SoS 5:10-16; SoS 7:10
• Desire him, respond sexually to him without embarrassment

2 Submission - submit to his authority and leadership as her covering, with heartfelt obedience

• In everything - not only in what she chooses - Eph 5:24
• As to the Lord - Eph 5:21; Col 3:18
• Rebellion towards your husband is equal to rebellion against God who gave him the responsibility to be your covering
• Demonstrate your love through obedience from her heart
• Remain under his "covering of authority" by submitting to him
• Accept and respond to his evaluations and his correction
• Be responsible towards her husband
• Not dominate, manipulate, control, boss or scold him, nag, argue... against his delegated God given authority

3. Reverence - give respect and honor to her husband - Eph 5:33

• Do him good and not evil all the days of her life - Pro 31:11-12
• Honor him by accepting his leadership
• Use words that honor him, not insult or depreciate him
• Listen attentively to him, and remember what he said. It is important because he said it.
• Make his priorities her own priorities
• Not speak negatively about him to family members, friends or people at church
• Ask for and value his opinions

4. Godly behavior - chaste and respectful speech - 1 Pt 3:1-6

• Use words that are helpful, and without reproach, along with good behavior - Tit 2:3-5
• Always rejoice in the Lord, and in the husband that he gave her
• Not be fearful of anything nor anyone - (this is mentioned in the bible over 365 times)
• Think on things which are good, true, holy... - Phil 4: 8
• Not gossip, not complain
• Avoid sinning

5. Support - a helpmeet - Gen 2:18

• Helpmeet is a technical word used in the construction of buildings. The substance which is added around a column to strengthen it so it can support additional weight/stress.
• Strengthen him by praising and thanking him for what he does for her
• Encourage him through her actions and her words
• Uphold him in ways that show her confidence in him
• Raise her husband's self-esteem by delighting to spend time with him
• Surround him with her haceed love - with all her being: body, emotions, mind, spirit
• Fulfill well her other own responsibilities in the home (children, kitchen, housework...)

THE BELIEVING HUSBAND

1. Sex - Nurture their sexual relationship / Their Oneness - 1 Cor 7:2-5; Eph 5:31; Gen 2:24

• Leave his father and mother
• Enjoy and Rejoice with his wife's body - Pr 5:15-19
• Please his wife - 1 Cor 7:33
• Console (emotionally comfort ) his wife by lovemaking.- 2 Sam 12:24
• Maintain the frequency and passion within their sexual relationship
• Protect them both from sexual temptations
• Faithfulness / fidelity to her in both his thoughts and his actions
• Value and cherish sexual intimacy with his wife
• Priorities - God is #!, Wife is #2, then come children, ministry, secular work...

2. Headship / Covering / Leadership / Authority delegated by God - Eph 5:23-24

• Set aside his own wisdom in order to use God's wisdom
• Be a responsible husband - passivity is sin
• Teach his wife to be submitted in her actions, reactions, and choices she makes
• Take the responsibility and right to instruct and correct her
• Provide positive and negative consequences
• Not tolerate rebellion, manipulation , control... against his authority

3. Haceed Love - Love her with Haceed/Agape Love - Eph 5:25-33

• Help her grow and mature in her walk with the Lord/teach her His Word
• Not be bitter towards her, forgive her - Col 3:19
• Be best friends and lovers
• Motivate her to become more godly
• Have daily chats with her about issues before they can become large problems. Deal with these things - don't passively ignore them
• Encourage her, praise her

4. Honor - Give honor to her, ask God for wisdom to understand her, pray with her- 1 Pet 3:7

• Respect her as a gift and a treasure from God
• Not look sexually at other women
• Use good words towards her in agreement with the Bible
• Ask for her opinions, ideas and thoughts

5. Provide for her and your children (financially, emotionally, and spiritually)

• Be the priest within your home - 1 Tim 5:8
• Be responsible for her and the children
• Know that what she wants is not always what she needs
• Allow her to talk with you, and listen attentively to her. She needs to share her feelings with you - not bottle them up.
• Provide whatever is needed in order to attend church services and activities, along with Christian fellowship with other believers
• Initiate prayer and Bible study in his home
• Protection

Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Genesis 3:14-16

14 So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring[a] and hers; he will crush[b] your head, and you will strike his heel.” 16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

The punishment is because of the fall did not dictate their roles; it simply complicated the already existing roles.

Genesis 4:7