In this weeks episode, Kimberly Spencer founder of "Crown Yourself" shares her powerful story of overcoming one life's biggest obstacles, herself.
IN MY STORY, I WAS NEVER ENOUGH.
Not perfect enough.
Not smart enough.
Not working hard enough.
Not skinny enough.
Not lovable enough.
So I constantly had to PROVE myself. Prove my “enoughness.” And, man did I try. I had so many goals I thought I’d have to clone myself to accomplish them all.
And, to make my battle to prove myself even more challenging, I had many different, seemingly unrelated desires…and goals in every single one of those arenas. Writing, acting, entrepreneurship, musical theater, fitness, film production, women’s issues, building orphanages in India, and beauty pageants (well, that was mostly because I liked the crowns).
My first film, BRO', that I co-wrote starred Danny Trejo + was bought by Lionsgate. I competed in Miss CA USA, won Miss Congeniality, and had a whole bunch of other Miss titles. I acted in London at a prestigious school in roles I’d dreamed of being. I became a certified Pilates instructor, was named "Pilates Pro" by Oxygen magazine, and owned my own studio, Fitness with Kim for ten years. I was the president + spokeswoman of a national online company that sold a back stretching device and I pitched it to the first round of "Shark Tank." I ran 4 full marathons. Not a bad start, eh?
THAT’S WHEN I REALIZED THE COMMON DENOMINATOR…ME.
Because during every single one of my successes, I sabotaged it with either deflecting to my body or deflecting to my current relationship. So for every inch of career success I got, I took two steps back. For every acting success, I would obsess over how I needed to be skinner. For every entrepreneurial success, I was with a bad partner, which would cause tension and friction in my businesses. For every fitness success, again it was being in bad relationships + my body. For my success as a screenwriter, I was in several bad romantic relationships, which took my attention away from continuing to grow down that path. I neglected countless opportunities from fear.
I WAS REPEATING THE SAME BEHAVIOR I GREW UP WITH...SELF SABOTAGE.
Codependency. Body deflection. Enoughness. Escapism. Perfectionism. But what each of these really boils down to is fear. Fear of success. Fear of wholeness. And those made me self-sabotage back to the start. Because achieving wholeness + success was never something I was taught or shown. That's when I realized...
The belief that I was broken was 100% plagiarized.