0:00

Rachel

0:01

Mc Tibbens and her dad

0:03

Pete Camacho stopped talking

0:05

and resumed talking many times over

0:07

the course of her life. He could be

0:09

generous. He could be mean and

0:11

drunk. She learned how to be mean.

0:14

She left California, moved across the

0:16

country. She loved him when

0:18

she could, and she never wrote him off.

0:21

She made sure her kids knew the good version of

0:23

him. When COVID

0:25

started, Rachel and her father were in a barely

0:28

talking phase. But a few months

0:30

in, he emailed her.

0:32

trying to find the email where he

0:34

reached out. So I think

0:36

the word was infusion.

0:38

Infusion meant he was

0:40

sending money. that.

0:41

Here we go. Infusion. That was

0:44

right.

0:44

She opened the email and

0:46

it said, just

0:48

wanna be sure that my

0:50

New York family is safe and all of this.

0:53

Please,

0:53

if there's anything you need, let

0:55

me know.

0:56

weird family after all.

0:59

I

0:59

was like, okay, here's an olive branch.

1:01

He

1:03

sent a thousand dollars to her bank account.

1:06

and infusion had saved

1:08

the day. Rachel and her

1:10

partner at the time Jacob ran

1:12

a bar and restaurant in Rochester, New York.

1:15

It was closed.

1:16

COVID, they were

1:18

strapped. They had three kids at home

1:20

out of five.

1:22

A year or so later,

1:23

Conversations with her father

1:26

were very different. Her father

1:28

was insisting that Rachel not vaccinate

1:30

his grandkids, her children.

1:33

he called it murder. When

1:35

she pushed back, he'd ridicule her,

1:38

make her stop talking to him. SHE

1:41

DIDN'T BOTHER TELLING HER FATHER WHEN SHE,

1:43

HER TWO YOUNGEST KIDS AND

1:45

JACUB ALL GOT COVID IN THE FALL

1:47

OF twenty twenty one. Even

1:49

when Jacob went into the ICU for five

1:52

days, and the doctors told her to pray,

1:54

she still didn't reach out to her dad

1:56

for support.

1:58

Four days after Jacob was finally

1:59

released from the hospital and back home

2:02

with Rachel and the family recovering. At

2:04

about midnight. My

2:08

brother sent me a text

2:10

that said, I've been too distraught

2:13

to tell you, but dad passed away

2:15

today

2:16

at two forty two PM

2:19

because of a text. Yeah.

2:23

A text telling her

2:25

that her father had been dead for hours.

2:28

She figured car accident. She knew he'd been

2:30

driving a lot, looking for work. She

2:32

called her brother, Peter Camacho

2:34

junior. I said, Peter, what is

2:36

happening? What happened? I'm

2:39

Kevin Russe, and I'm Casey Newton. We're

2:41

technology reporters and the hosts of

2:43

Hard Fork, a new show from The New York

2:45

Times. Hard Fork is a programming

2:47

term for when you're building something that gets

2:49

really screwed up. So you take the entire thing,

2:51

break it, and start over. And that's

2:54

a little bit what it feels like right now in the

2:56

tech industry. Like these companies that

2:58

you and I have been writing about for the past decade,

3:00

they're all kind of struggling to stay relevant.

3:02

Yeah. I I mean, a lot of the energy and

3:05

money in Silicon Valley is shifting to

3:07

totally new ideas. crypto, the metaverse

3:09

AI, it feels like a real turning point.

3:12

And all this is happening so fast,

3:14

some of it's so strange. I just

3:16

feel like I'm tech extending you constantly, like,

3:18

what is this story? Explain this to

3:20

me. And so we're gonna talk about these

3:22

stories. We're gonna bring in other journalists,

3:25

newsmakers, whoever else is involved in

3:27

building this future to explain to us what's

3:29

changing and why it all matters. Hard

3:31

fork from The New York Times. Listen

3:34

wherever you get your podcasts.

3:38

And

3:39

he explained that they

3:41

had gone to a funeral, and he said, I never

3:43

should have let dad go to the funeral with all those

3:45

vaccines people.

3:46

Vaccinated people. Her

3:48

brother believed that COVID vaccines weren't

3:51

just dangerous for people who got the vaccine.

3:54

Vaccinated people were dangerous to be

3:56

around if you were unvaccinated, like

3:58

him and his dad. They

4:00

lived together. They'd been living together for years.

4:03

And

4:03

I was like, I can't even begin

4:06

this argument. I'm just gonna listen and

4:09

he goes,

4:10

I should never have hugged and

4:12

he named a cousin and he said I

4:14

should never have let my dad hug and he

4:16

named the same cousin. They're all vax

4:18

idiots.

4:20

So he didn't say -- No. -- dad had COVID.

4:22

No.

4:22

He's he's just saying, okay.

4:24

Right. He just starts with a never should have

4:26

let him go to the funeral. to

4:28

hug vaccinated people. He

4:30

said because of all their shedding, they shed the virus.

4:33

And I it stopped me in my tracks,

4:35

and then I just I was like,

4:36

So, like, what happened? He had COVID,

4:39

and he said, no.

4:41

No.

4:43

But he

4:45

he was having trouble breathing. He

4:47

had pneumonia.

4:49

Like, Peter, all

4:51

of his symptoms are COVID. You're

4:53

saying, at shallower

4:53

breathing, you're saying he was fatigued,

4:56

you're saying he he lacked the strength

4:58

to even

5:00

eat

5:01

at one point, he was just sort of trying

5:04

to pour milk or not

5:06

milk. Sorry. Soup into the corners

5:08

of his mouth and spraying

5:11

him with water to get some level

5:13

of hydration, and he

5:15

said that his bed was covered in sweat.

5:17

And then he said, dad

5:19

would stare off and so I'd slap him,

5:21

and then he'd look at me, and

5:23

that he just he like,

5:26

he would say, hey, dad, are you okay? and

5:29

he'd go, yeah, until

5:31

the last time when he didn't.

5:34

And

5:34

he said dad's eyes were just wide open

5:37

and I I slapped him and he was gone.

5:45

Rachel was trying to take all of this in,

5:48

trying to get information without letting

5:50

loose on her brother who was plainly grease

5:53

struck from having just watched their father

5:55

die in front of him. But

5:57

he was telling her he

5:59

had watched their

5:59

father die in front of him

6:01

for days. He

6:03

didn't take him to the hospital, didn't

6:06

call nine eleven, didn't

6:08

call Rachel to tell her their father was so

6:10

sick he could barely speak Then

6:12

another thought hitter. I

6:15

said, Peter,

6:17

you've been his nurse this whole time.

6:20

how do you feel?

6:23

And

6:23

he said, well, I

6:26

mean, we both probably got sick

6:28

around the same time, but know,

6:30

I'm healthier than that. And

6:32

I

6:32

said, Peter, you

6:34

understand you definitely

6:36

have COVID. can

6:38

you take a deep breath? I need you to do a take

6:40

a deep breath for me, and he did. And

6:43

I go, okay, how do you feel he goes? That was

6:45

I'm tired. And that's when I

6:47

just lost it, and I screamed

6:49

at him. And I said, if you don't, you're

6:51

his older sister. Yeah, miss. older

6:54

and only sister, and I said, Peter,

6:58

I

6:58

can forgive you for not taking dad to

7:00

the hospital. I can find forgiveness

7:03

somewhere in me, but I

7:05

swear to you if you don't go to the

7:08

right now, I will not

7:10

forgive you when you die.

7:13

You are going you are dying.

7:15

I need you.

7:16

I need you to go to the

7:18

right now.

7:20

Rachel stayed on the phone with her brother, heard

7:23

him get into the car, the door

7:25

slam, the engine turnover. She

7:28

finally relaxed a bit when she heard Peter

7:30

go inside the hospital and check-in. He

7:33

was forty four years old, six

7:35

foot four, two twenty, never

7:37

smoked, didn't drink, lifted weights,

7:40

when COVID hit, he'd been on a cleanse. He

7:43

had health insurance through medical, California's

7:46

Medicaid system. But Peter hadn't

7:48

had a full time job in years he depended

7:50

on his father. he didn't have his own

7:52

bank account. His first tax

7:54

exchange with Rachel from hospital was about

7:56

money. He

7:57

asked, How much was Jake's

7:59

bill?

8:00

Meaning, how much was Rachel's then

8:02

partnered Jacob's medical bill when he had

8:05

COVID? She texted back.

8:07

I said, seriously, is the last thing you

8:09

need to be concerned about right now?

8:12

the So just

8:14

just please, it doesn't matter. I'm so

8:16

proud of you for taking care of yourself, Peter.

8:19

He said hundred and three temp oxygen

8:21

levels low. I

8:22

said, yep.

8:24

Jacob was at eighty three when I brought

8:26

him in. That's really, really

8:28

bad. And he said, they

8:30

just better not put me on a ventilator. And

8:33

I said, Peter, you are a fighter. I

8:35

need you to meditate on your living, on

8:37

surviving this. It

8:41

says thanks for getting me

8:43

going on this. I wasn't going

8:45

to get any better at home. And

8:48

I said, no, you weren't.

8:51

If they wanna put you on

8:53

remdesivir, ask them to pair it

8:55

with Olumiant, it's a game changer.

8:58

Remdesivir

8:58

and Olumiant was the combination

9:00

that doctors had given to Jacob the week before.

9:03

That's how Rachel knew about it. She had

9:05

just been through all this. If

9:07

it isn't pneumonia yet, they need to

9:09

put you on the monoclonal antibodies. This

9:11

is you seeing all this to him and said this to him and he

9:14

said, I DON'T LIKE THESE GUYS.

9:16

Reporter: PETER

9:16

DIDN'T LIKE THE GUYS AT THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE

9:19

THEY WANTED TO SWAB HIS KNOWS FOR PCR

9:21

TEST TO SEE IF HE HAD COVID. He

9:24

told Rachel he thought the swab tests were a

9:26

scam, but doctors got a fifteen

9:28

thousand dollars bonus for every swab they

9:30

did that led to a positive COVID result.

9:33

I said, I

9:34

love you, Peter. Let them help you

9:36

get better. And

9:38

he said, I love you too. minutes

9:40

later, positive for COVID.

9:48

Within

9:48

three days, to Rachel's

9:51

great

9:51

surprise in relief. Peter

9:53

told her he was on the mend. He went

9:55

home to rest and she made plans to

9:57

go out to Santa Ana, California where he

9:59

lived

9:59

and where the two of them had grown up.

10:02

Peter asked Rachel a couple of times after

10:04

he left but whether their father's cause

10:06

of death had been identified yet. She

10:08

said, COVID, even though she hadn't seen

10:11

the death certificate

10:11

because it seemed obvious to her.

10:14

and she turned out to be right.

10:18

When

10:20

Rachel got to Santa Ana, along

10:22

with one of her older kids, Peter

10:24

asked them over the phone not to come

10:26

in the house, said he still felt

10:28

too vulnerable because they were vaccinated.

10:32

he believed again that vaccines

10:34

make people shed the virus and

10:36

therefore vaccinated people are

10:39

especially dangerous to be around for the unvaccinated.

10:43

Rachel decided to give him some time.

10:45

They would see him before they left. They could

10:47

do it outside in masks, in

10:49

the backyard.

10:51

She didn't push. He

10:53

sounded tired. She wasn't

10:55

surprised. After she'd had COVID,

10:57

she'd barely been able to open a jar for a

10:59

week. Rachel

11:01

kept checking in via text, and

11:03

phone calls. She was handling the paperwork

11:06

and details of their father's death. She

11:08

was dropping off food at the front door.

11:11

Food, logistics,

11:13

love. You

11:14

hungry? Can I pick you up anything? I'm

11:16

close.

11:17

I'm two blocks away. He

11:19

says, can't think of anything right now.

11:22

Those guys ever contact

11:23

you. I

11:24

say, I called yesterday, they said they're super

11:26

busy in their paperwork. sent to the crematorium

11:28

on Thursday. That's

11:30

one of their last texts. Peter

11:33

died a week after Rachel got

11:35

to Santa Ana. She never

11:37

saw him. A long time neighbor

11:40

found him. Rachel

11:42

learned from the corner, that

11:44

her brother had not, made a quick

11:46

remarkable recovery, and been discharged

11:48

from hospital to go rest at home

11:51

as she'd believed. he had

11:53

checked himself out of the hospital after two

11:55

and a half days against medical advice.

11:58

And III was stunned.

11:59

I didn't I

12:02

mean, what it means is that

12:06

he was lying to me he

12:10

knew what to say, he

12:12

knew what to hide.

12:14

I just I mean, I

12:16

was

12:18

Like I was floating through my days,

12:21

it felt like my brain had been wiped.

12:24

Rachel was dumbfounded by how much

12:26

she didn't know about her father's and brother's

12:28

last month of being alive. Everything

12:31

was gone. All the answers

12:33

she put off trying to get from her brother

12:36

about why he hadn't asked for help

12:38

for their father. Gone. Her

12:40

brother's recovery, fake some

12:42

kind of performance She

12:44

had no idea what he'd been thinking

12:47

as he was fading away, what he'd been

12:49

doing instead

12:49

of telling her the truth. And

12:52

then Rachel made a discovery, A

12:55

record of Peter's final days, and

12:57

she found out exactly what

12:58

happened.

13:00

From serial in The New York Times, This

13:02

is we were three. I'm

13:04

Nancy Abdul.

13:21

Part one, black box.

13:25

COVID caught us while we were busy. Each

13:27

person it found and each family

13:30

was in the midst of their specific unfinished

13:32

business. Their preexisting fault

13:35

lines and disconnections. The

13:37

fault lines are why I'm here. This

13:40

is a story about a family and what

13:42

COVID did to them, what it destroyed, but

13:44

also what it revealed. Rachel

13:48

lived thousands of miles away from her father

13:50

and brother, and she was used to stretches

13:52

of relative silence with them. but

13:54

those quieter periods were always part

13:57

of a rhythm that swung back. Even

13:59

an angry

13:59

silence was never permanent.

14:03

Now, the fact that she didn't have any idea

14:05

what happened at the end, Rachel

14:07

was tormented by this not

14:09

knowing. the pain

14:12

propelled her. She

14:13

wasn't quiet with grief. She was vibrating

14:15

with it. She had questions.

14:19

The

14:19

first person she called after talking to

14:21

the coroner was her and Peter's cousin.

14:24

Rachel and her brother were only a year and half

14:26

part, and the cousin was right around the same

14:28

age, mid forties. The three of

14:30

them had grown up playing together.

14:32

Her cousin seemed just as baffled

14:34

as she was

14:35

by Peter's death. by the

14:37

fact that he'd left the hospital against medical

14:39

advice. She asked him

14:41

a terrible question that coroner had asked

14:43

her Any chance this

14:45

was intentional? Had her

14:47

brother been suicidal?

14:49

Rachel didn't think so,

14:51

but she also felt like, what

14:53

the hell do I know? She

14:55

says her cousin said no way, no

14:57

way.

14:58

Peter wanted to live.

15:03

At the house where Peter and her father had lived,

15:05

Rachel gathered up old photos. and

15:08

look through them.

15:09

These are all great photos and I want

15:11

these. But like, I wonder

15:13

if they had any photos like of

15:15

themselves like, I don't even know what they look like

15:17

in the final years. I

15:20

don't know. And so

15:24

I started charging their phones. And

15:27

then I heard Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, Bloop, like

15:29

message, message, message. And

15:32

I'm like, Oh

15:34

god. I didn't think about, like,

15:37

there's people checking in on my brother.

15:39

I just started reading. Rachel

15:43

looked at a text from the cousin she'd just

15:45

talked to. His last

15:47

text to Peter on the day Peter died.

15:50

He said, Yo Jacks.

15:52

Please answer me, man.

15:56

And

15:56

then before that, are several TikTok

15:58

links.

15:59

And I was like, what are these? And then

16:02

I don't

16:02

have the app. I'm like, I I don't really know

16:04

how to operate it. I'll be

16:05

honest, like, I'm not interested in it. And

16:07

then I

16:08

just scrolled up and

16:09

I just couldn't help

16:11

but just be

16:14

invested in their conversation. Rachel

16:17

kept scrolling up and up

16:20

and up through the texts

16:22

between Peter and their cousin until

16:24

she was back in October. when

16:26

Peter was still alive and was texting

16:29

with their cousin about what to do about Rachel

16:31

and Peter's dad, who was so sick

16:33

with COVID at that point, he was having

16:35

trouble lifting his arms. The

16:38

cousin guesses that Peter's father might

16:40

have myocarditis, Peter

16:42

thinks maybe it's a bacterial infection of

16:44

some kind.

16:47

The night before Peter's father dies of

16:49

COVID, Peter texts his cousin and

16:51

says, Do you or your mom

16:53

or anyone in your house have antibiotics? A

16:56

minute later, the cousin writes back, no,

16:59

and asks Peter, how are you feeling?

17:02

Peter twenty minutes later, definitely

17:05

not well yet. A fever

17:07

that keeps bringing back to 103

17:09

agitating dry cough and the squirts

17:11

again. My dad has the

17:13

same cough, only hundred temperature

17:16

and a shallow breathing pretty fast. I'm

17:19

thinking the fever keeps coming back because it might

17:21

be bacterial thing.

17:23

The cough is horrible. I'm

17:25

beeping that because he wrote f and then

17:27

a bunch of asterisks The

17:29

cough is horrible because it waits till

17:31

we lay down to go to sleep and

17:33

it becomes very itchy and we can't go to

17:35

sleep because of it.

17:36

We end up coughing all night. So

17:38

we're both very

17:39

sleep deprived. Cousins.

17:41

Fuck. That's bad. Cousins

17:43

a few minutes later.

17:45

Okay. So tomorrow, I'm gonna bring you guys

17:47

some I'm gonna kill you guys.

17:50

Peter. Oh, man. Bring it.

17:53

cousin, I will. I just gotta run

17:55

to the store tomorrow morning and buy ingredients

17:57

and make it. I also have an immunity

17:59

kit that

17:59

I just ordered from my old job.

18:02

keeping it like behind glass in case of

18:04

emergencies. It's time to

18:06

break the glass. Peter

18:09

sounds good to me. I'll tell pops.

18:12

Fifteen minutes later, Peter texts about

18:14

him and his dad. We were already

18:17

detoxing anyway two weeks prior, so

18:19

I thought our bodies were just following through in its

18:21

own.

18:21

I mean, we gave it the bad food we were

18:24

eating every day, even coffee. Coffee

18:27

dude, yes,

18:27

even that creamer. And then this

18:30

comes on. It's like we try to

18:32

do it right and then we get cousin.

18:36

Damn it. You guys were too lane.

18:44

Rachel saw over the course of her father's

18:46

last day. Peter describing

18:48

their dad hallucinating, coughing,

18:51

grunting, losing control

18:53

of his bladder and bowels, Peter

18:56

giving him vitamins and probiotics. The

18:59

cousin dropped off a final round of soup

19:01

on the porch in the afternoon. Seeing

19:04

how her father's death had unfolded was

19:06

awful, how he'd suffered. But

19:09

Rachel also read those texts, and

19:11

everything Peter and her cousin wrote

19:13

going forward with

19:14

the helpless awareness of somebody watching

19:16

a Greek tragedy, knowing what the

19:18

characters don't. all

19:21

the horror that's to come. It's

19:23

like the black box after

19:25

a plane crash. It's

19:27

like hearing

19:33

ghosts speak of themselves. I

19:36

mean, I just responded with absolute

19:40

rage and heartbreak.

19:43

She saw the text exchange between her brother

19:46

and cousin at the moment her father died.

19:49

Peter, I

19:50

believe he's taken his final breaths.

19:53

and then

19:53

minute later,

19:54

he's gone. Cousins.

19:57

What? Peter?

19:58

What?

20:00

Peter? I

20:02

seriously don't know what to do now.

20:05

This

20:05

is when Rachel saw herself enter the conversation.

20:09

when her brother texted her that their father

20:11

was gone. She

20:13

saw in the texts how the shock

20:15

of their father's death had opened up a window

20:17

of opportunity with Peter. And

20:19

in that window, Peter had texted

20:22

her, and she convinced him to go to the hospital.

20:25

Or as he put it in a text to the cousin,

20:28

Rachel demanded that I go to

20:30

the so I'm going to the they're

20:32

cousin texted back.

20:34

Keep me posted.

20:36

that was when I understood that

20:39

there were dual conversations being

20:42

had and

20:44

that one was my attempt

20:47

at saving my brother's life. And

20:50

the other one was my cousin's version

20:53

of

20:53

an attempt at

20:54

saving my brother's life. Rachel

20:57

and Peter's cousin didn't respond to

20:59

my text slider and phone message requesting

21:02

an interview with him. I'm not naming

21:04

him because of that, and because I don't want strangers

21:06

harassing him over this story. Rachel

21:09

hasn't spoken to him since she found the text

21:11

between

21:11

him and her brother, and

21:13

he hasn't contacted her.

21:18

Peter in these texts back and forth with

21:20

each of them is clearly scared for his

21:22

life. And I don't know

21:24

what people do in that have a functioning

21:26

healthcare system. But in the United

21:29

States, a lot of us, maybe

21:31

most of us, seek out advice

21:33

from friends and family in the midst of health

21:35

crisis. The

21:37

friends and family guidance is often supplemented

21:39

by the Internet. And then we're faced

21:41

with a messy pile of anecdotes, jargon,

21:44

and sales pitches to sift through. That

21:47

messy pile may be all a person has.

21:50

if they don't

21:50

have a primary care doctor.

21:53

Peter didn't, but

21:54

he did live close enough to a decent hospital

21:57

that he was able to make it in time to

21:59

be offered possibly lifesaving care.

22:02

At which point he began to worry, can

22:05

I afford this? Peter's

22:08

mistrust of the medical system revolved around

22:10

money. In

22:11

his text with his cousin, even before

22:13

he and his father got sick, Peter

22:15

kept returning to the idea that he didn't believe

22:17

in the COVID tests and treatments because

22:20

people were getting rich from them. He

22:22

believed there was a government plan that

22:24

gave hospitals and doctors financial

22:27

incentives to kill people and

22:29

blame COVID. Peter

22:32

was afraid of the wrong things with COVID.

22:34

He was just incorrect. But

22:37

the overall idea that the US medical

22:39

system is shaped by profits leaking that

22:41

is often at odds with good patient care.

22:44

That's a fact. No one in

22:46

America is wrong to be afraid of medical

22:49

bills. In

22:51

light of that reality, and

22:53

in light of Peter's earlier texts,

22:55

it's a sign of just how scared he was

22:58

when

22:58

he texts Rachel from the hospital and says,

23:01

Thanks

23:01

for getting me going

23:03

on this. I wasn't going to get

23:05

any better at home. And

23:07

it was hard for Rachel to accept. as

23:09

she was reading through the texts that

23:12

only forty minutes after he wrote that

23:14

to her. When he finds out the hospital

23:16

will be giving him a nasal swab.

23:18

Peter's resolve starts to falter.

23:21

And

23:21

so Peter texts their cousin.

23:24

They p c r'd me, cring

23:26

emoji.

23:28

Too sick to get up and leave. No

23:30

response from the cousin. An

23:32

hour later, Rachel Tex Peter. I

23:35

love you Peter. Let them help you

23:37

get better. Peter

23:38

writes back. I

23:40

love you too. An

23:42

hour later, the cousin texts him.

23:44

Did the test come back yet?

23:46

Peter.

23:47

positive, of course.

23:49

Peter texts the cousin that he's just been given

23:52

some steroids in his IV, It

23:54

was an anti inflammatory dexamethasone,

23:57

an inexpensive generic for anyone counting

23:59

at home. month earlier

24:02

before Peter's father had even gotten sick.

24:04

The cousin had texted Peter that,

24:06

quote, hospitals get a twenty percent

24:08

bonus for administering Fauci's poison

24:10

remdesivir.

24:11

Now the cousin

24:13

texts Peter. What was the steroid

24:15

called? And a couple

24:16

minutes later, Okay. A

24:18

just red rim decivir

24:19

is not a steroid. Pew.

24:23

Peter

24:23

decks the cousin an hour later saying,

24:26

Rachel said, if they wanna put you on

24:29

remdesivir, ask them to pair

24:31

it with Olumiant. It's a game changer.

24:34

No response from the cousin. The

24:36

cousin two and a half hours later, fuck

24:38

that. Do not take roomdesivir. Fifty

24:41

four percent chance it'll shut

24:42

down your kidneys.

24:45

Several hours later, Peter texted the cousin.

24:47

They finally brought in a bag of remdesivir, and

24:50

I said, I'll hold off on that. And he said,

24:52

okay, that's fine. Had no

24:54

problem with the nurse assistance and the nurse,

24:57

but soon as the doctor comes and makes decision,

24:59

you know it's the ones.

25:02

the

25:02

cousin a minute later. No.

25:04

No. No remdesivir.

25:05

Peter texted him a

25:08

photo of an IV bag. The cousin

25:10

asks, they're giving it to you? Peter.

25:13

No, I told them I'll pass. The cousin.

25:16

Okay. I know you're tired,

25:18

but keep an eye on those fuckers. Watch

25:20

everything they're putting in those lines. I'd

25:23

offer him advice and I'd see him

25:25

go to our cousin. to

25:27

get, like, the second opinion,

25:29

you know, and he would

25:31

just always derail

25:34

those efforts. It's just

25:36

the most unfathomable absurd

25:41

conversation to watch happen. Peter

25:43

text the cousin a photo of his

25:45

dad at that family funeral he'd told

25:47

Rachel about. Their dad is

25:49

hugging a relative. who was vaccinated

25:52

as he'd mentioned to Rachel. He

25:54

captions the photo the day my dad

25:56

was killed. The

25:59

next morning Peter

25:59

texts the cousin. Temp finally

26:02

down ninety

26:02

eight point eight.

26:04

Still on oxygen because my oxygen levels

26:06

are weak. The cousin. I'm

26:09

glad you're starting to improve. The sooner

26:11

the better. They won't have a chance to

26:13

kill you.

26:15

Again, the cousin didn't respond

26:17

to my interview requests. One

26:20

of the things I know about the cousin The

26:23

very little I know from reading the full

26:25

thread of his texts is that he's a

26:27

father. Two

26:28

of the family members who live with him are in

26:30

their

26:30

seventies and he worries about their health.

26:33

He's

26:33

a man with multiple heavy responsibilities who

26:36

is also up late and

26:38

early for weeks, worrying about

26:40

his cousin Peter checking on him.

26:43

I also know from Rachel But

26:46

about ten years ago, the cousin lost

26:48

another cousin, Jennifer, who

26:50

was like little sister to him, after

26:52

she went to the hospital. unexpected,

26:54

it didn't make sense.

26:56

She was the youngest of

26:58

the four of us cousins. And

27:01

her her bladder had been nicked

27:03

during a caesarean. And

27:06

she

27:09

had sepsis and she was

27:11

young and had these babies and then she died.

27:14

And

27:14

the whole family was crushed. Rachel

27:16

and Peter too. Jennifer

27:18

was thirty two years old, and

27:20

Rachel says that for Peter, this

27:22

medical error was one searing

27:24

event in a lifetime of

27:26

smaller moments that gradually

27:29

transformed him from someone who had never

27:31

trusted authority figures in general and

27:33

didn't go to doctors. He believed

27:35

he could take better care of himself with exercise

27:37

and nutrition than

27:38

some doctor.

27:39

To someone who saw doctors and hospitals

27:42

as dangerous, and

27:44

later as actively seeking

27:46

to deceive and harm and even

27:48

kill people

27:49

for their own gain. The

27:51

day before he leaves the hospital, Peter texts

27:53

the cousin. The

27:55

doctor finally came down and asked why

27:57

I won't take remdesivir.

27:59

And he said,

27:59

you're not vaccinated, and I said that's

28:02

correct. He said that's the

28:04

only treatment we have for COVID. and

28:06

that my lungs are going to deteriorate with

28:08

the oxygen they keep ordering for me

28:10

if

28:10

I don't take the remdesivir. I

28:13

said, I'll think about it. and he said, okay

28:15

and left. Remdesivir

28:18

might have reduced Peter's need for oxygen.

28:21

concentrated oxygen can harm someone's

28:23

lungs over time, especially if they've

28:25

been damaged by for instance COVID.

28:29

The cousin texts back a few minutes later.

28:31

Bull that remdesivir is

28:33

gonna deteriorate your organs, especially

28:35

your kidneys, you've been pumping ibuprofen

28:38

all week. He's just trying to scare you so

28:40

he can get his twenty percent bonus for using

28:42

remdesivir. That

28:43

same doctor will tell you the vaccine is

28:46

good for you. which

28:47

makes no sense because now that you're confirmed

28:49

that you have COVID and you're covering,

28:52

it seems like you'll have natural immunity for

28:54

life. You won't need boosters. Just

28:57

pray your oxygen level improves so you

28:59

can get the hell out of there.

29:02

As

29:02

Rachel is reading the texts,

29:04

She keeps glimpsing these moments here

29:07

and there over the last weeks of Peter's

29:09

life. When

29:10

Peter acknowledges This

29:12

is COVID. But

29:15

the idea of COVID is like a balloon

29:17

that can't stay aloft. Peter

29:19

texts a bit later. All

29:21

I have to do is jog a little. I'll get my

29:23

oxygen back up. Sitting in a hospital

29:26

bed isn't doing anything oxygen wise.

29:29

the cousin. Do the turmeric

29:31

and mint leaf lung inhaling exercises at

29:33

home. Yeah. You're not gonna continue

29:36

to deteriorate

29:37

He's a fucking liar. A

29:40

few minutes later, Rachel texted

29:42

Peter and they go back and forth about his

29:44

oxygen levels and whether he has

29:46

enough energy to eat and if he has

29:48

a phone charger.

29:49

Rachel asks him if he's heard an estimated

29:52

timeline for them to discharge him.

29:54

Peter texts. They made it sound like

29:57

soon, possibly today or tomorrow.

29:59

Rachel, holy shit.

30:02

Okay.

30:07

I've

30:07

talked to Rachel a bunch of times. And

30:10

from what I've seen, she doesn't like to let

30:12

untrue things slide.

30:14

she really doesn't like it.

30:16

But in her text with Peter, I can see

30:18

her trying hard to be careful with him,

30:20

trying

30:20

to encourage him, support

30:22

him, telling what she thinks is

30:24

important in her big sister way,

30:26

but not argue with him.

30:30

This deliberate withholding of her

30:32

full forcefulness is

30:34

part of their relationship.

30:36

Rachel feeling protective of Peter

30:38

is built into her earliest memories. He's

30:41

been physically bigger since he was fifteen,

30:44

but she's always been tougher.

30:53

Peter later that afternoon, text with

30:55

a cousin and again brings up the idea

30:57

that maybe this might be COVID.

31:01

Peter, can

31:02

you look up safe treatments for COVID?

31:04

the

31:04

cousin rates back. Hang in there.

31:06

I'm checking frantically. And

31:09

then the cousin texts, monoclonal

31:11

antibodies, convalescent plasma,

31:14

or Ivermectin.

31:14

and The

31:15

first two options are usually only given

31:17

while in the once you're admitted,

31:20

the protocol changes to remdesivir. They

31:23

only treat the vaccinated with IV Mechten.

31:26

So that way, when they recover, they

31:28

can say, see, the vaccine kept

31:30

you from dying.

31:32

Motherfuckers. The

31:34

evidence about Ira Mectin is now

31:37

overwhelming. It's not

31:39

effective as either protection against

31:41

COVID

31:41

or treatment of it. And

31:44

while we're here,

31:45

natural immunity for life against

31:47

COVID is not a thing. and

31:50

vaccines don't cause people to shed

31:52

the virus.

31:53

But let's

31:55

talk briefly about remdesivir. I

31:58

spoke with a few doctors who've

31:59

been treating COVID patients since the beginning.

32:02

In clinics and hospitals, they

32:04

were unanimous Rimdesivir

32:06

has revealed itself to

32:08

be

32:09

not actually very effective treatment

32:11

against COVID. It isn't harmful

32:14

in all the ways Peter's cousin kept saying

32:16

it was. That was remdesivir's strength.

32:18

It was generally safe. Studies

32:21

did confirm its modest usefulness

32:23

in some patients, but as one doctor

32:26

put it, remdesivir was a tool

32:28

we used because we had so

32:30

few tools. Even the

32:32

drug combo Rachel recommended from

32:34

Dessivir plus Olumiant. One

32:37

careful study showed patients who got the combo,

32:39

were less likely to die than those who

32:41

got remdesivir alone, but

32:43

only about three percent less likely

32:45

to die.

32:47

For an advanced, severe case

32:49

of COVID, there is no

32:51

consistent game changer. So

32:53

the medicine of COVID has been genuinely

32:56

confusing. We

32:57

can't know if Peter would have survived

33:00

even if he did stay at the hospital, but

33:02

it was probably his best shot. Two

33:06

doctors I spoke with told me how important

33:08

it was in their experience to

33:11

just let a patient talk

33:13

if they were reluctant to get treatment. For

33:16

anything, don't try convince

33:18

them. Just ask them.

33:20

What has this been like for you?

33:23

Then listen. But

33:25

the doctors were also frank about

33:27

how often with COVID They

33:29

didn't have time for that conversation or

33:32

energy.

33:34

Before COVID, they'd seen plenty of people

33:36

who were afraid to be hospitalized. who

33:38

didn't want specific treatments. But

33:41

with COVID, those conversations

33:43

were different. People

33:45

weren't just reluctant Many

33:47

were hostile. Some got aggressive.

33:50

One doctor said she had the experience over

33:53

and over of patients

33:54

she'd known for years.

33:56

seeing her in a mask

33:58

and instantly distrusting her. The

34:01

doctors both said that simply asking

34:03

if a person was vaccinated would often

34:05

stop the conversation cold. And

34:07

each person's reasons for not

34:10

wanting a particular COVID treatment were bespoke.

34:13

their own tightly held bundle

34:15

of beliefs and fears that were

34:17

extra resistant to change. a

34:20

doctor might be able to tease out and address

34:22

the contents of that bundled fast enough to

34:24

help the person or

34:26

they might not

34:29

Anyway,

34:31

we know what happened this time.

34:34

Peter left the hospital. that's

34:36

after the break.

34:53

When

34:53

Rachel started reading through her brother's

34:55

texts, she knew he had left the hospital

34:57

against medical advice. She found that out

34:59

from the corner.

35:01

But you didn't know how it happened.

35:03

Now she saw. Peter

35:05

texted his cousin at three thirty

35:07

in the morning. I'm starting to wonder

35:09

if they're ever gonna let me out. And

35:12

my cousin says, they have to release

35:14

you upon request. My

35:16

brother says, I so hope that's true.

35:18

And then my cousin sends him discharge

35:21

against medical advice, screen

35:23

cap from very

35:26

well

35:27

health

35:28

dot com that

35:31

states a discharge against medical advice, usually

35:33

just called an AMA requires that you sign a

35:35

form agreeing that you wish

35:37

to leave, but that your physician thinks it's

35:39

a bad clinical choice for you

35:42

to go. And

35:43

he says, legally, they can't keep you there. That's considered

35:46

false imprisonment. And

35:48

my brother

35:48

responds half an hour later. How

35:50

should I say it? Quote,

35:53

I need to be discharged unquote. And

35:56

my cousin says, are they currently giving

35:58

you any medications?

36:00

My brother. Nothing yet today.

36:03

Actually, all they ever gave me

36:05

were steroids and antibiotics. My

36:07

cousin, okay, do you have an IV drip?

36:10

Peter, no. just had me

36:12

on oxygen. My cousin, is

36:14

your o two still at about

36:18

or above ninety five?

36:20

My brother, it's off right now. I was

36:22

around ninety four.

36:23

All I know is I'm not getting any

36:25

better in here. So

36:28

he

36:30

he says to me, thank

36:32

you for convincing me

36:33

to be here. I wasn't going to get any

36:35

better at home. and

36:37

tells my cousin, I'm not

36:39

going to get any better. I'm not

36:41

getting any better in here in the hospital.

36:44

My cousin How does your chest

36:46

feel? Peter feels better than

36:48

it did when I first came in,

36:51

which is a sign of the

36:53

treatment working. That

36:56

last part isn't in the text. It was Rachel

36:58

venting her frustration as she was reading

37:00

through all this again.

37:01

she could barely contain her

37:04

rage.

37:05

By the end of this next part, she was sneering.

37:08

My cousin, yeah, and the fact that they give

37:10

you

37:10

antibiotics, that means again it was bacteria

37:12

and pneumonia, not viral. And

37:15

the steroid helps with the inflammation. That's

37:17

why the

37:17

fever went down and your lungs,

37:20

irritation went down as well. Now it's just a

37:22

matter of getting

37:23

over the cough, which is going to linger for a few

37:25

weeks, but You can probably handle that with

37:27

a cough syrup because all they ever gave me was

37:29

antibiotics

37:30

in a prescription for a strong

37:32

cough syrup two minutes

37:34

after I believe

37:36

you're out of danger now.

37:38

Fuck their protocol. It's

37:40

time to get probiotics back

37:42

into your body.

37:45

From

37:45

the time Peter left the hospital, he

37:47

lived another two weeks. All

37:50

that time, Rachel was in a fog

37:52

of coming to terms with their father's death.

37:55

and she thought her brother was recovering, like

37:58

most people who get COVID

37:59

due. But

38:01

Peter was texting with their cousin about

38:03

his blood oxygen level. A

38:05

reading between ninety five and a hundred is

38:07

considered normal.

38:09

But on different days, Peter says

38:11

he's at eighty eighty

38:12

eight

38:14

ninety one

38:15

eighty five ninety

38:17

three eighty two

38:20

ninety

38:22

fluctuating from okay but

38:24

on the low side

38:25

to worryingly low, Rachel

38:28

had no idea. Peter

38:31

didn't tell her and she didn't press

38:33

him.

38:35

A few days before Peter dies,

38:37

their cousin texts, yo,

38:39

you good? My

38:40

brother doesn't respond.

38:43

Twenty three minutes later, ouch

38:44

right in the slice,

38:46

meaning ass crack, that's their language

38:48

for that. And he sends yet another TikTok

38:51

link. Peter's

38:52

response ten minutes later is garbled.

38:55

He's describing his own actions but

38:57

it comes out sounding more like a transcript

39:00

of blurry half thoughts.

39:02

Try

39:02

to make things easier. Let's

39:04

not go back and forth for anything. Go

39:07

straight to the kitchen, stay in

39:09

that chair. Keep thinking

39:10

of what you need that way while you're doing

39:13

all this, she might get fully

39:15

winded. major most

39:17

important thing of all is that the chair

39:19

in the kitchen is a roller chair.

39:22

The

39:22

roller chair is an office chair Peter's

39:24

using to get around. In

39:27

a few days, Rachel

39:28

is gonna find that chair

39:29

in the kitchen,

39:31

soak with urine.

39:38

One last thing Rachel sees

39:40

in Peter's texts is that

39:42

she wasn't the only person trying to get him

39:44

to seek medical help. One

39:46

family friend was texting information just

39:48

about every day about clinics

39:51

he could go to, a nurse

39:52

who would talk to him. We

39:54

also don't know what the cousin was saying

39:56

to

39:56

Peter in phone calls with him. And

39:59

he did tell

39:59

Peter in one text after

40:02

Peter told him his blood oxygen reading

40:04

was eighty, that Peter

40:06

needed to go back to the hospital.

40:08

Then

40:09

Peter texted that it went back up to

40:11

eighty eight, which is still too low

40:13

and should have sent him to the emergency room,

40:15

but the

40:16

moment passed.

40:18

Peter's neighbor was checking in

40:20

and leaving food on the

40:21

porch for him. Four

40:23

days before he died, Peter texted the

40:25

neighbor. I was so exhausted looking

40:27

at all that food. The neighbor

40:29

writes back, dude, you should go

40:31

to the hospital, call an ambulance.

40:35

Peter. Oh, that.

40:40

Peter's last text to his cousin is

40:42

a sad emoji

40:43

about the death of the actor William

40:45

Bucking who start and sons of anarchy.

40:49

The next day the cousin texted, how

40:51

are you doing, Peter, and got

40:53

no reply? The

40:55

day after that, he wrote, Yo

40:58

Jack's, please answer me man.

41:05

Rachel told me once about

41:07

her brother and father and COVID that

41:09

it was like they fell overboard during the pandemic

41:12

and swim straight to the bottom. thinking

41:14

it was the surface. When

41:17

she finished reading the texts, she

41:19

read them again.

41:21

Her brain kept combing through them for

41:23

weeks.

41:24

She couldn't settle on any thought or

41:26

any feeling.

41:28

I would go from not being able to speak

41:30

or to crying or to making

41:32

fun of my brother. like,

41:34

there's the survival mode person who just

41:37

wants to clown you. You

41:39

know, like, the deep depths

41:41

of, like, my hoodness. where

41:45

I'm from that particular street

41:47

I came up on, we will clown

41:49

you for how you died. because

41:51

you're a fucking clown.

41:53

Like,

41:54

you played yourself homie.

41:58

You know? And I like, I would

42:00

I would I would kill submedicine

42:03

strangers to to bring them

42:05

back. You know? Like,

42:06

or what I I don't know. Like, it's just

42:08

one of those things where you just haggle.

42:14

like thinking, like

42:16

who you would trade out on the street to

42:20

get one more shot. And I'm like, you shot your

42:21

fucking shot, dude.

42:24

Rachel's a poet.

42:27

That doesn't really cover it though. Rachel's

42:29

a tractor beam. I

42:32

can easily see how a person could hear her

42:34

read her poetry at some event and then

42:37

marry her four months later,

42:39

which happened. I

42:40

can understand a person wanting to tattoo

42:43

her words on their arm,

42:46

which

42:46

also happened. A

42:48

lot of Rachel's writing is about her childhood

42:50

family, her her father,

42:53

her brother. The

42:54

first poem in her first book

42:56

is titled Epically. I

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forget who I said it to, but I

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remember how after thirds. They looked at me

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as though I had driven a steak knife through

43:05

their mother's hand. The

43:08

poem itself goes,

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I love my brother. He

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had the exact same childhood as I did,

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but

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he doesn't get credit for it.

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He isn't the writer.

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I'm the star of the violence. I

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expose

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my Peter When

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he marries, I will be so

43:28

sad. No

43:29

girl in the world deserves him but me.

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I see that poem, which I love.

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As

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the little box, Rachel is daring

43:40

her readers to