Dr. Louise Stanger is an Ivy League Award winner (2019 Interventionist of the Year from DB Resources in London and McLean Hospital – an affiliate of Harvard), educated social worker, popular author, internationally renowned clinician, interventionist and speaker and an expert on mental health, addiction, process disorders, and chronic pain. In this episode, Dr. Louise provides insight as to how families can best cope and provide support when it comes to a loved one’s addiction. 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:45] I can’t stand my family, but I can’t live without them.

[6:55] Dr. Louise’s family was very successful in their careers. However, they all had underlying problems with their mental health. 

[8:15] We can’t turn back time and be 4 again to get our needs met, but even as we grow into adults, we have cravings to get our needs met from our family. 

[9:00] Sometimes we have to grieve the fact that we never got our needs met by our parents. 

[10:55] When it comes to our relationships, we might have to live without our loved ones in order for us to fully grow. 

[12:00] Why is it hard for us to not see the abuse happening to us? 

[15:20] Your unwillingness to change can be the cause of stalled progress. You don’t have to change the way you love someone, but by changing the behaviors/actions around that person can help them progress in their own therapy and healing. 

[16:45] What does a good intervention look like? 

[23:20] As a family member, it’s very important to take care of yourself spiritually and emotionally. 

[25:00] When an addict comes back from therapy, why can’t it just all go back to the way it was? 

[26:50] Have you ever said to yourself: ‘If he/she would just fix themselves, everything would be fine.’ Dr. Louise offers advice on how to better approach this. 

[29:20] We don’t hear what we don’t want to hear. This is why having an outside/expert opinion matters because it allows you to hear what your spouse has been saying to you for years for the very first time. 

RESOURCES: 

The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Connect with Dr. Louise: Website & Learn to Thrive

Call Dr. Louise: 619-507-1699

The Definitive Guide to Addiction Interventions: A Collective Strategy by Dr. Louise Stanger

QUOTES:

• “People don’t call me unless their hearts are hurting and there’s some kind of event or crisis that happened with their loved one.”
• “Relationships with mothers are tough. Like many of us, we are people pleasers. They really want that approval. And all of a sudden, when they’re 40 or 50, they realize they’re never going to get that.”
• “There’s always been an elephant in the middle of the living room, that behavior has been there, but somehow they haven’t been able to face it until there’s this tipping point.”
• “Family & friend work is so important because nothing changes until something changes. And if you’re sending your loved one away to be fixed, and then you expect them to come back without a parallel process, that person is doomed.”