From the greasiest fellows that your parents may have warned you about: time dilation, a mysterious SD card, cheesy pizza, SPMD, a wing bar’s feeble attempt for socmed promo, Brian’s Animal Corner, jet packs, Axe body spray, anti-tipping, cashing million-dollar checks, more odd news, and Luntch.

Double X Quantimino

Time dilation

Hypothetical Meta Analysis: Mysterious SD card

Cheesy pizza?

Same Person Mother-Daughter (SPMD)

Correct Arthur’s thinking: Winning a $30 gift card

This Is The Newz

Brian’s Animal Corner

Snake bites 2-year-old girl, who bites it back until it dies

Monkeys Are Masturbating With Stone Sex Toys, Researchers Find

How to stop your vacuum from spying on you

Off the tracks, part 1: Jet packs and shirt cannons launching cans of Daddy Juice Energy attached to small parachutes

Man arrested for stealing only Axe Body Spray

Changes to how Pennsylvania’s tipped workers are paid and overtime for salaried workers

Police close eight-year-old girl’s lemonade stand as she doesn't have a license

Man scammed 11-year-old's lemonade stand with fake $100 bill

Off the tracks, part 2: Cashing Million-Dollar Checks

Woman’s shock at $2600 ‘penis’ table

Missouri pastor says congregation is 'poor, broke, busted' for not buying him a luxury Movado watch

Man convicted for spending spree after $31,000 bank error

Why Bacon Tastes So Much Better At Diners Than At Home

What I Had For Lunch

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