"Doctor?" we can hear you ask. "Doctor who?" Which you're asking either because you're an insufferable nerd (like the rest of us), or because you legitimately don't know. In which case, it is incumbent upon us to inform you that the Doctor is an alien Time Lord who flies haphazardly through time and space in a magic phone booth called the TARDIS, solving problems and saving people. And this week, we put those skills to the ultimate test, as the Doctor (the tenth Doctor, specifically -- ask an insufferable Who nerd about his various incarnations sometime, they will have OPINIONS) must solve the ultimate problem: the adaptable, unstoppable cyborg hive mind known throughout the Star Trek universe as the Borg. Can the Doctor save a helpless colony of humans from assimilation at the hands of a bigger, badder, sexier version of the Daleks and the Cybermen? Or will he once again have cause for terrible, eternal regret?

To find out, the Smash Fiction collective has assimilated the biological and technological distinctiveness of game designer Jeff Stormer, of the Party of One, All My Fantasy Children, and Talking Nog podcasts (in our defense, he totally lowered his shields and surrendered his ships). Also, Miles repeatedly insults Montana in a bad British accent, MeganBob has many, many feelings about Star Trek characters, and the Lightning Round gets even weirder than usual, which, yes, that is apparently possible.

We are Smash Fiction. You will listen to this episode. Resistance is futile.