A really bad mood, a plethora of positive platitudes, throat bubbles, the stupid eclipse, UTIs or UT-lies, the Confederacy, a parody song from Hazencruz, a flatulent erotic story, virtual book burning, theme park revisionism and the eternal present, Nazis and chicks looking for free dinners, Mayweather v. McGregor, me v. The Mystery Box, the time I tried to make a movie with Edward James Olmos, the masterpeen, Mexican vocabulary, the LA show, a voicemail threatens to destroy me, and a doctoral thesis in armchair psychology when a girl wants to look at your phone; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!