The Irrationally Exuberant

A Comedy, Fiction and Arts podcast
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Apparitions. Ghosts. Spooks. Haints. Whatever you want to call them, you haven’t seen spirits like this before. Hello. I’m world renowned palm reader and séance professional Madame Esperanza Lechuga, owner of Madame Lechuga’s Celebrity Haunted Apartment, and boy, have we got dead celebrities. My place is lousy with ‘em.
Naturally I was intrigued. Who was Dick Moss? As the inheritor of his library I wanted to know the man and his work, if he’d done any, in the field of UFOlogy. I assumed he was dead, as that’s how most collections come to live in thrift stores. I once found about 30 snap button cowboy shirts each with the name Herman written in blue marker on the tag – a truly wonderful old man habit that doesn’t seem to be done much anymore - starting in the Medium section and going all the way to XXL. I figured Herman had either eaten himself into oblivion or wasted away from cancer or a Romanian curse like that guy in Stephen King’s book, Thinner.
I’ve now read 34 of the books I purchased that day in the space of 4 months, as well as watching countless sketchy documentaries and even sketchier YouTube videos AND 6 and a half seasons of The X-Files and despite my undoubtedly now-shakier-than-ever mental health, I’m here to educate you – the ignorant masses - on the TRUE nature of the phenomenon.
The Mandela Effect was discovered by an adult reading a children’s book. Their name has been lost to time, but the book was one in The Berenstain Bears series by Stan and Jan Berenstain. They are about a gender normative family of bears that live in a tree and may or may not be farmers of some sort. They are vaguely Christian but not in a “We’ve read and understand the bible” kind of way. They’re very relatable to many Americans.
Now, again, in case you’re not aware of him, Tiny had a very distinctive look. Long curly hair parted on the side - dirty and tangled, although he bathed many times a day. A notably large, exquisitely arched nose, with these exceptionally long nostrils. A large mouth just stuffed with teeth. More than is normal, you'd think, by the looks of it. The teeth were pushed out by these huge gums. And then he had this flaccid, Cheeto shaped body that he held with the confidence of a chubby, polio struck kid on roller skates, balancing a triple scoop ice cream cone. He'd started perilously, upsettingly thin, but had expanded with his fame, so that he looked like he'd been stung by a wasp and desperately needed a shot from an epi pen. And he would have been conspicuous just based on all of this, but he also slathered his face in pancake makeup, filled in his eyebrows, and wore ill fitting, out of date, wrinkled suits in patterns that bumped up against each other like delirious bums fighting over a street corner in a bad neighborhood. Sometimes he wore a velvet cape. He came off like, royalty – genteel – but of the inbred, anemic variety.
In 1991 Marie Osmond scratched my brother and one day I will scratch hers.
Ladies and gentleman, heteros, gays, bis, subs, doms, chubby chasers, power bottoms, furries, bronies, and every other permutation of human sexuality, I’m proud to present to you my brand new series of Reptilian themed erotica – Lizard Lovers! Guaranteed to be the sexiest depictions of human on shape shifting humanoid adult situations you’ll ever read!
Welcome to Para Palaver – the only podcast that isn’t afraid to tell you the truth because I don’t have anything left to lose. I’m your host, Darvin Schlender, and I guarantee that this is the most revealing unadulterated paranormal podcast out there. Unlike some other podcast and radio hosts, I’m not afraid of the … Continue reading "Reptilians Pt. 2: Para-Palaver"
Let's get to know our Reptilian Overlords!
I lived in Post Landing for something like 6 years.  It’s a small, white painted wood and brick apartment building on the edge of downtown Fargo and I guess it used to serve some function of the Post Office, hence the name.  The individual apartments vary wildly in size, seemingly built at random like an … Continue reading "Sheldon"
It occurred to me on the way here that I might die doing this and should probably record something to specify that this is not a suicide. Also, this is kind of an event, so there should probably be some record of it. If you happen to find me in this undisclosed Red Roof Inn surrounded in blood with a hole in my head, Post-it notes with unintelligible scribbles covering everything, nonsensical notebooks in a pile on the desk, and a hoard of unlabeled non-perishable food products stacked to the ceiling, first of all, sorry for scaring you and making a mess. Please don’t be traumatized and have a terrible life. Second, this is not a suicide.
Late 19th century Poland was a place of division and turmoil. The population was incredibly diverse, but not in a happy, elementary school math book illustration way. Yiddish, Russian, German, and Polish were all spoken – mostly used to hurl slurs and insults at opposing ethnicities. At any given moment you could look out of … Continue reading "Esperanto"
What they see now is this: Lester Manly and his three crew mates, not important to this particular story, strapped to their seats, preparing to touch down on the red planet in t-minus five minutes. What they can't see is this: Lester Manly desperately has to take a shit.
It's a classic episode of The Irrationally Exuberant! This beloved Christmas episode is about The Caganer, a pooping man the Catalonians hide in their Nativity Scenes, for some reason. It's fascinating, hilarious, features the first appearance of Foam Chomsky, and . . . there's a beloved Christmas song, "Oh, Caganer"!
In the beginning were only Steve the Infinite Tortoise and Karen the Infinite Chinchilla, and they were one, and they were everything, but they were only friends - Karen’s choice, not Steve’s.
The platypus, as we’ve established, is certainly an odd creature, but it is by no means the only odd creature in Australia, or even the oddest. Let’s take a look at some of the other critters that share this bizarre continent.
Are you tired of brushing your teeth eeeeevery morning? Sore from walking around on only two legs? Sick of incubating your young inside of your body? Had it up to here with having nipples? If you said yes to any of these questions, then, boy, have I got an opportunity for you!
Platypus don’t need your platitude He’s gonna Swim around and eat bugs and shit If it’s all the same to you
The platypus got it’s name from the Greek words “platus” which, loosely translated to English, means “freaky-deaky” and “pous”, meaning beaver. As with most things, its existence was fairly inconsequential to Europeans, but folks were eager to wear and consume its parts.
In 1998 something wonderful happened. I found a two liter of OK Soda in the back of a refrigerator at a church.
Ok Soda was a soda. A pop, as most folks call it up here – it’s shameful what we’ve done with language - made by the good folks at the Coca Cola Corporation, dreamed up by the same ad wizards that created New Coke, the Coke that tasted like a Pepsi. Full caloried sodas were all the rage back then, as the boomers hadn’t yet caught the health food bug. It was wreaking havoc on everyone as has pretty much everything the boomers did and didn’t do. Also many things they kind of did. As a result, everybody in 1994 was hideous - bloated and pallid, capped by fluffy hair, wearing either long sleeve, white collared polos with pleated khakis or Big Johnson t-shirts and jeans so grotesque you wouldn’t believe me if I described them to you.
The honey bee is peace loving. It doesn’t want to sting you and will not unless you bumble into its dwelling like a massive, unannounced house guest, you buffoon! When you are stung by a bee – you can bet dollars to donuts it wasn’t of the honey variety and I would bet those same dollars to those same donuts that it was in fact a wasp. Perhaps you should learn some science before hurling wild accusations, buffoon!
What do you think of when you hear the name Roy Orbison? Black glasses? A bad haircut? A soaring, operatic voice? A partially shaved bear in a Dracula costume? Pretty Woman? The Travelling Willburys? Maybe even David Lynch movies?
You, a middle class white 35 year old male living in Fargo, North Dakota are going to do a COMEDY podcast about an African American PIMP. You, Reid Messerschmidt, are going to make COMEDY about sexual violence against women, human trafficking, and racial stereotypes – in 2018 – without any black folks or women contributing? Just you and me, a dumb gimmick that is also just you.
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Podcast Details

Created by
Reid Messerschmidt
Podcast Status
Active
Started
Aug 1st, 2018
Latest Episode
Oct 26th, 2020
Release Period
Weekly
Episodes
33
Avg. Episode Length
16 minutes
Explicit
Yes
Order
Episodic

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