0:00

The Nikki's

0:09

Nikki A guys,

0:12

how's it going out there? All

0:14

the swells to you this Monday?

0:16

Uh morn here in

0:19

Los Angeles, still here, extending

0:21

my trip as I go. UM,

0:24

love this life that I've concocted

0:27

for myself. I'm in a great mood today.

0:30

Um, as you know from last week.

0:32

First of all, i'd really hope you guys all had a good weekend,

0:34

and um, I got to interact with a lot

0:37

of you online and actually in person.

0:39

Shout out last night to

0:41

the bestie Jess. Bestie

0:44

Jess who I saw in the parking lot of

0:46

the show. I did Supernova

0:48

here in l A, which is if you come to l A, definitely

0:51

check out. Um Supernova, that's

0:53

the name of the show. But the place they do

0:55

that has a bunch of comedy, so check it out. It's um

0:57

in Hollywood. It's the best. It's so fun.

1:00

But anyway, last night I showed up for my set, um

1:02

like I was closing the show

1:05

because I was at dinner before with David Spade and my mom.

1:07

Not a big deal, just mom dropping, name

1:09

name dropping my mom, and um

1:11

we went, we rushed over. I

1:14

got there just in time, ran up on stage

1:16

and I took

1:18

my set was just like not what

1:21

Sometimes Noah, people get really excited

1:24

to see me and come out like this. This is the

1:26

problem with shows at Super and Over or anywhere like

1:28

anywhere you go see comics and there's like a

1:30

bunch of comics on the bill. Uh

1:33

in a city like New Yorker, l A. It

1:36

can go. It can range from doing your A material

1:39

that you take it on the road and close with, or

1:42

it can be like new material because even

1:44

though it's a big show with headliners, like you might see

1:46

your headliner bomb because we're working

1:48

on new stuff. Not bomb, but you know, like

1:52

not do as well to other people in the show. So the one

1:54

guy I said the other night, he goes after

1:56

it till he goes So what is this like comics

1:58

just like the this's just a place for them

2:00

to work out, and I go. For me, it is I go, you

2:03

are gonna see every kind of thing. And sometimes

2:05

I pull out the A stuff because I'm in the mood

2:07

to do that. So it's whatever I'm in the mood for last

2:10

night though, um for oh, for instance,

2:12

the other night I went on stage, I posted a picture of it me

2:15

and Andrew Santino. If you want to see it,

2:17

it's a great picture. It's uh at Liz

2:19

Vidge on Instagram l I

2:21

z v I G. She does the best comedy

2:24

photography. I mean it's insane. My

2:26

dad, my Father's Day post. Um,

2:28

yesterday's all her because she came

2:31

out. She I'm gonna have her come out and shoot my

2:33

tour because she just captures great

2:35

moments and has great style and um

2:38

yeah, Liz Vig l I z v

2:40

I G and um follow

2:42

her on Instagram. There's a picture from the other night of me and Andrew

2:45

Santino, like he brought me up and I'm just

2:47

like coming up and in between we're talking

2:50

and it's the moment I go, was

2:52

that on? Was that? I go? Was that new? Because

2:54

he killed and it was really worked out stuff,

2:56

Like I was like, I haven't heard it before. I go,

2:58

is that new? When he goes yeah, and I fuck you, like

3:01

I was just it's about moment of me being like is that now?

3:03

Goddamn you? And I

3:06

still think it wasn't brand new.

3:08

It was two worked out like I I can see as a comedian

3:10

when like something is like I

3:12

just know you know, but it was

3:14

probably knew in the sense

3:17

of what he was saying, but I was like, fuck, I'm

3:19

doing stuff that I'm saying for the first time. Like

3:21

literally, I didn't get to talk about my

3:23

thoughts on Louis on mar because

3:26

we didn't just decided not to go there. But um,

3:30

I I have been like, oh, maybe I should

3:32

talk about it on stage. It like got my mind kind of thinking

3:34

about it and how to make it funny. And I'm I'm on stage

3:36

list a night like espousing about,

3:39

you know, my thoughts on Louie and cancel culture.

3:41

And then I realized I had no punch line, and I literally

3:44

was like, there's nothing there's nothing

3:46

funny about what any of this,

3:48

and people I go, I, you know, then you do the classic

3:50

joke. This is a classic comedy save if you ever

3:52

hear a comedian go, I don't know why I've turned this

3:54

into a Ted talk. That is just that is the hackiest

3:57

out. There's only like one person that used

3:59

that original only once, and then all of us since then have

4:01

used it as like an easy out. And it's true. I

4:03

mean sometimes and especially in this setting

4:06

that I was in, it looks like a Ted doc and it

4:08

just cuts the tension of like I acknowledged this is not

4:10

funny. And then at the very last

4:12

so I got the light and I'm like, I cannot get off stage.

4:15

These people probably some of them came to

4:17

see me. Thoms A. Gurrow was also on the show.

4:19

Uh, there was like this little lineup was sick

4:22

last night. I got there late, so I didn't

4:24

see everyone that was on it. But you know, there were

4:26

really great comics on the show. Let's see who's

4:28

on it. I have a picture of it here. Um. So

4:30

they saw Anthony Jessinik, they saw Jeff Ross,

4:33

Greg fitz simmons, Ian Edwards.

4:35

Yeah, they had a great show. And then me, I

4:38

come up there. I'm like and I go, I'm sorry, I just

4:40

like, I spent the whole time proselytizing,

4:43

and I go, by the way, I'm fucking

4:45

stoked that I just nailed that word. I go, that's

4:47

the first time I've ever attempted to say that word.

4:49

And I got nervous and I nailed it. Uh

4:53

So then I go, can I

4:55

go, let me just acknowledge because what I'm

4:57

trying to do on stage now is just always be as

5:00

honest, like you have to do material that you maybe

5:02

are not in that same frame

5:04

of mind when you wrote it. But I try to get

5:06

there, and especially

5:08

when I'm in a position where I'm I'm out

5:10

of like material, I really am just up there. I've kind

5:13

of like everyone's kind of like underwhelmed

5:15

by me, even though I'm the closer, and you know, I walk

5:17

on stage and people are like, like, it's a huge

5:20

response. It's really nice, like things have changed

5:22

for me. I'm coming back from the pandemic

5:24

and now people like know who I am and it's in

5:26

a way that they didn't before. It's so nice, but

5:29

the pressure is like, boy, like

5:31

I know that afterwards you're gonna be

5:33

like, she just like wasn't as good. So

5:35

whenever I bomb, now I go, or

5:38

last night I go, let's can I just say

5:41

I want to give you guys a good show. I

5:43

haven't yet. I have to get off

5:45

stage. Let me like really bring it home. I'm

5:47

gonna give you at least one minute, so you can when you're on the car

5:49

right home, you can be like, she really bored us the whole

5:51

time until the last minute, and you'll maybe remember that.

5:53

And I go and I did

5:55

a bit and it did it did well, and

5:58

then I closed with the joke of you

6:00

know my molestation

6:02

chunk that I talked about on Uh, that's it's going

6:04

great. By the way, I've really figured out that chunk of material.

6:07

So I closed on that. And then as I'm getting out

6:09

stage, I go, so, I go, please

6:11

remember that this this was I was working

6:14

out stuff. I had to do that, and I go,

6:17

I know this wasn't as funny as the Rose

6:19

compilations you've watched with me on YouTube, because

6:21

that's what everyone's always compared. Like, people are

6:23

fans of mine because they see me on I have millions of hits

6:26

on these Rosse compilations where I fucking slay and

6:28

it's just joke chu chokoko, And then they come

6:30

and see me and I'm like, you know, I just think

6:32

that if you're not a bad person, you

6:34

just know that if you accidentally say the N word

6:36

when you're singing Whop that you didn't mean

6:38

to it was an accident, people can forgive you. And they're

6:40

like, what is is just make a joke

6:43

about someone's you know, how you want

6:45

someone to die and um it.

6:48

So it's just the best part about

6:51

comedy I feel is My job is always

6:53

just to be honest in the moment, So sometimes I have to take

6:55

a breath and go what am I feeling right now?

6:57

And what I was feeling was embarrassed that it didn't do well.

6:59

Needed to call it out. And they left

7:02

so hard when I said that, because they all know, like,

7:04

this was not what we wanted. You didn't give us what

7:06

we came here expecting. You gave us something,

7:08

but it wasn't, you know, it

7:10

wasn't what we expect from you know, Nikki glaz or

7:12

whatever that is, except um

7:15

my besties by the way, like my best

7:17

these were that. So there were some besties there, there was another.

7:19

There was a mommy there from Your Mom's House podcast.

7:22

Comedy fans and my fans. Comedy

7:24

fans in general are the fucking best and

7:27

they understand the process. They

7:29

are the ones that come to every show

7:31

and support comedians and are like part of the community and

7:33

like friends with us. Like this

7:36

girl came alone from the um your Mom's House podcast.

7:38

She's just like, she's like, I'm a mommy, you're a

7:40

mom and she's like your mommy, so I like love you and

7:43

she's like I came here to support Tom will come out any time

7:45

to support you. And it was so cute

7:47

because during in the middle of it, uh,

7:49

I started talking about Louie and I got some like jeers.

7:52

I was like, it was either like yeah or

7:54

like I couldn't tell if they were against what I was saying or positive.

7:56

And so at some point I go, are you like disagree?

7:59

Is is this in in favor of me of what I'm saying

8:01

or like against me? And she goes, we love it,

8:03

And I was like, and then she got yelled at for a sayment.

8:06

She goes, she asked me, and I go, next time you yell

8:08

out if I ask you, you you always yell at. But I want

8:10

to shout out to both of them. Jess. Jess

8:13

was so sweet. It was funny because I was like hiding in

8:15

the side of the parking lot with my mom as we

8:17

waited for Uber, and I didn't really want to talk to the audience

8:19

or be not that I didn't want

8:21

to talk to them. I didn't want them to because

8:24

I, after, you don't do so well, people kind

8:26

of like try not to look at you. It's so awkward.

8:28

I've when I used to bomb back in the day and being

8:30

no like no one knew who I was. I was in the

8:32

middle act. I would have to stand

8:34

out in the lobby, and

8:37

like I would always hide because I didn't want people to

8:39

be like feel sorry for me, you know, and

8:41

uh. And so I was standing there

8:44

with my mom and trying not to make I contact

8:46

with him, and trying not to hear anyone

8:48

talking about how I wasn't that they like,

8:51

you know, because when you see five comedies, six means

8:53

you want to go I liked him best, she was the

8:55

worst, Like you want to rank them, even

8:57

I do that on the show. So I didn't want to hear

8:59

any disk questions that people have when they leave a show.

9:01

Like when I leave a movie, I'm always like I didn't

9:03

like it, but I never think the director might

9:05

be walking out of Werenburg Theater into pair and

9:09

like didn't like my opinion about I don't

9:11

know fucking Patch Adams, but the

9:14

artists are lingering. Famously

9:16

infamously heard a girl in a bathroom stall

9:19

one time say she didn't like my She goes,

9:21

I don't know I like that last girl but the girl

9:23

that and I go stop talking, to stop talking. I'm in the

9:25

stall, and I told her to stop talking. She was, I go, I'm

9:27

in here. I'm in here. I go, I know you're

9:30

entitled to your opinion. I just don't want to hear it. And she was like,

9:33

I'm so sorry. And I go, it's okay, babe. But

9:35

we're among you, We're we we walk

9:37

among you. I'm in the same building you

9:39

saw me walk on stage. This is an establishment

9:41

where I don't have a special bathroom. I have to, like

9:43

so sometimes in the bathroom, and I I at

9:45

shows where I have to use the same bathroom as the crowd, and

9:48

by half to I mean like not that I'm like I'm

9:50

better, but like there's not a green room bathroom.

9:53

I always shut my ears and I go, so

9:57

I don't hear anyone talk bad about me or

10:00

good really, because the good is never good enough all

10:02

that bullshit. Um,

10:04

but so Jess, bestie

10:07

Jess was talking out. She was like, she was like, Nicky,

10:09

I love you, or I said something like that, and she was like, oh

10:11

no, I listened to your podcast. I love you. And I go, oh my god,

10:14

thank you, and she goes, um, I I

10:17

I've heard you talk about things on the podcast. She said

10:19

something like, I've heard a lot of the

10:21

podcast on there, I like knew the places you were

10:23

going and like had the inside track, and I was like,

10:25

you fucking get it. And I was like, you're definitely gonna

10:27

hear me talk about that sad on the podcast tomorrow.

10:30

And she goes, she goes, it was

10:32

great, you know, she said it was great. It was. She was like

10:34

so excited. There was no disappointment in

10:36

her eyes. She was so sweet and

10:38

um and I was just like, thanks, bestie,

10:40

and I asked her name and I said, I'll give you a shout out, so Jess,

10:42

if you're listening, which I know you are, thank you so

10:45

much for that. It made me feel so good and very cool in

10:47

front of my mom. And then another best or then

10:49

another girl from your mom's house. She chatted

10:51

with us for a while and was so

10:53

sweet, and I was just like, God, comedy fans

10:55

are the best. They just like they're are friends,

10:58

Like they don't have to do calm, need to

11:00

be if they appreciate good comedy and

11:02

good podcasts. They're one of us and they

11:04

just have different jobs. And I just feel like we're

11:06

a community. It's not like comedians against their

11:09

fans. It can be all together, and

11:11

I just honestly, Taylor Swift has taught

11:13

me that, Like she's friends with her fans. She invites

11:15

them in, she has them over to her house for listening

11:17

parties, Like you got to bring them in

11:20

because they are It's not to show

11:22

your appreciation and be like, thank you for

11:24

liking me, it's like you need to there.

11:27

They are your friends. And like the way

11:29

I feel about Taylor Swift, I feel very connected

11:31

to her in a way that if I was

11:33

talking about like if if something happened to her like

11:35

this weekend, and I almost started crying because I was

11:37

in my parents were probably like my

11:40

my dad really rolls his eyes about my love for Taylor Swift,

11:42

even though I'm like, you literally feel the same way about the Beatles.

11:44

But he would be like, you could compure those and I'm like, yes,

11:46

you could. Actually, she's going to be as remembered

11:49

as the Beatles and you're just old and

11:52

um. But I was

11:54

like, if she if something happened to her,

11:57

I like, I would definitely cry

12:00

and be as devastated as a

12:02

family member or a friend. And I know that's ridiculous,

12:04

but it's or might seem ridiculous to

12:06

you, but it's it's it is just true. I

12:09

would almost prefer a family member

12:11

or friend to die over Taylor Swift because I rely

12:13

on her to survive so much.

12:15

I found out the rerelease of Red, her my

12:18

first album, and I fell in love with Taylor Swift. Um.

12:21

She's re releasing her own version Uh

12:24

in order to gain you know, UH,

12:27

like to own her own ship. She's releasing

12:29

Taylor's version of Red. It's coming in November, and

12:32

I literally wrote all my story ago gotta

12:34

live, gott to survive till November. And that's not

12:36

like mental health, like don't kill yourself. I mean

12:38

it used to mean that way for me, but now it means like

12:40

I look both ways when I'm crossing the street a little bit

12:42

more. I just gotta be around. She's

12:45

releasing like ten

12:47

new songs that were written for Red. This girl

12:49

is prolific as Funx. She wrote ten new songs,

12:52

and she's releasing a ten minute version of

12:54

All Too Well, which is everyone's favorite song that has

12:56

the effort in and apparently Taylor Show fans

12:58

are freaking the fuck out the

13:01

She released the album cover for Taylor's version

13:03

Red, which is looks like the

13:05

original red thing, but it's more mature version.

13:08

And fans are freaking out because that picture

13:10

we've already seen. We didn't see that picture, but we

13:12

saw that photo shoot during the Evermore promo

13:15

and were like, but Evermore was in black and white,

13:17

so we didn't know that it was a red lip

13:19

and a red beret was the same, like, and we're

13:21

all like, oh my god, she was reading us the whole

13:23

time. And now it was like, I know, you guys are like

13:26

Nikki chill out, but it was I just love

13:28

her interaction with fans and I want the same kind. I want

13:30

Easter eggs with fans. I went inside jokes.

13:32

I want you guys to be trying to piece together

13:35

the little hints I'm dropping you so

13:37

you know which guy I'm talking about with me about me

13:39

having to tell you which guy so that that guy doesn't

13:41

get actually mad. And I want you guys

13:43

are like, I drop you hints all the time,

13:46

and I just I treat you like my friends, and I hope

13:48

you appreciate it. And if you're near the podcast, you might be like, I'm

13:50

not ready for this friendship, Well then get

13:52

ready because it's it's starting. But also

13:55

at the same time. We just have a great

13:57

time on the show. And um, I did. Uh.

14:00

Jess actually wrote me on UM

14:03

just our Bessie wrote

14:05

me and I'll share that um

14:07

with Andrew when we get him in here. Uh.

14:10

And he's he's

14:12

in Connecticut, but maybe you can hear me from here. Hey

14:17

Andrew, Hey, Nick, how

14:19

are you going? I'm good, I'm

14:21

good. It feels like forever since we

14:23

talked. I know, we really have not texted

14:26

or anything. We haven't talked since um I left

14:29

last week and um or since

14:31

the podcast. Actually, where are

14:33

you again? Is it Connecticut? Yeah? I'm in a place

14:35

called Greenwage, Connecticut where

14:37

rich people come to murder poor people. I

14:39

think it's a very illuminati here.

14:42

You drive past these houses and it

14:44

doesn't make sense, these homes,

14:46

I mean, it's wild. Well what

14:48

doesn't make sense is I just found out that that that your

14:51

dad. Instead of flying to Connecticut because

14:53

he's scared of flying, even though he won't admit it publicly,

14:56

he decided to I thought he was

14:58

renting a sprinter van to drive from

15:00

Florida to Connecticut, which is twenty drive.

15:03

He bought a sprinter van instead of you said, instead

15:05

of two plane tickets. He bought a sprinter

15:07

van. I mean this thing, you sent me

15:09

pictures of it. It's it's like, it's

15:13

this is insane. My dad

15:16

is absurd. My dad. First

15:18

of all, my step mom doesn't want it. She

15:20

wants to fly. She

15:23

was complaining that they got stuck in traffic by DC

15:25

on Apparently that's horrible traffic.

15:27

Don't you dare go by there? Ever? Again,

15:30

she got stuck in traffic one time. Don't

15:32

ever go that way. But

15:35

anyways, yes, well, next time they drive from Florida

15:37

to Connecticut, they'll take the scenic

15:39

route and they won't try to go through cut

15:42

through DC. I can't

15:44

understand. I'm trying to think of other modes of transportation

15:47

other that he could have spent a hundred and twenty

15:50

could have got a private a private

15:53

train, he could have He

15:55

could have taken flying lessons. He

15:57

could have gotten Elon Musk to give him a

16:00

piggyback ride. He probably Yeah,

16:03

I honestly, I think the technology is there and he could

16:05

have found a way to make it happen. It's absurd,

16:08

and I love it. And that's your family. How

16:10

is family time? It's it's

16:12

fantastic until it isn't.

16:15

I'm on an air mattress, which this

16:17

is the most amazing thing about an air mattress. It's

16:19

great when you fall asleep on it. It's firm

16:21

and you slowly deflate. What happens

16:24

in the night, What happens?

16:26

There's slight leaks in it. I mean that means

16:28

that there's tiny, tiny leaks,

16:32

but a tiny leak, just like right

16:34

away you would like why it's

16:37

seeping out? Um?

16:39

And then you wake up in your butt is on the floor,

16:41

and it's like you're on a swimming pool raft. I

16:43

know, I know, Um, watch

16:46

you in an air mattress in Greenwich, Connecticut.

16:48

You're the only man on an air mattress in Greenwich,

16:51

fucking Connecticut, where literally the

16:53

elite, the one percent, the one percent

16:55

of the one percent live in Greenwich. I

16:57

just want to be humble. You know what's

17:00

up with Noah? I noticed

17:02

something on Andrew's Instagram story. Do

17:04

you have sheets on your air mattress?

17:07

Your dad was using it as a mouse and it looks

17:09

like, Noah, don't

17:11

you you come in to call me out

17:13

on my sheets? First of all

17:16

the kids. It says, I'm in the playroom

17:18

slash living room. So the kids. Every

17:20

day I leave my room, I come back and there's

17:22

four kids playing on my bed like

17:25

it's like, you know, like a bouncy castle,

17:27

like a bounty castle. Castle castle

17:30

that you came on. You

17:32

know what?

17:35

Are you reading me out? And then you wiped

17:37

it on the carpet like old times?

17:40

Okay, so you

17:43

comes up like

17:46

come tarp first of all, yes,

17:48

no one else in granted connecticuts on

17:50

an air mattress. I like to stay humble, you

17:52

know that. Also, they don't have a room for me

17:54

because I'm a single brother. I don't have

17:57

kids, I don't have a wife. I should just bring a

17:59

girl or love dolls, so I get a fucking

18:01

bed. I need a girlfriend. Now eventually

18:03

you'll probably told her along to be the

18:05

fam and they're not going to put her on an air mattress.

18:07

I can't believe they didn't have an extra room for you. How many

18:09

I should sleep in the sprinter van and the engine?

18:13

Honestly, that would be a better situation.

18:15

So are you sleeping well on the horrible

18:18

because because I wake up at my

18:21

so we're on Central time. You know how I like sleeping

18:24

in their playroom. That's like sleeping in the kitchen.

18:26

So I get

18:28

woken up by Aggie and Leo and they punched

18:30

me in my face and then they go wake

18:33

up. And then Aggie has learned jiu jitsu.

18:35

Ask them what that feels like, because I just want to

18:37

know what it feels like to punch you in the face. I've thought

18:39

about so much and I just want to hear how

18:41

it, how it how? Then

18:45

I would never want to punch you. I

18:48

don't it would hurt my hand. But

18:53

but yeah, Aggie knows jiu jitsu. So this morning

18:56

he woke me up and uh,

18:58

I literally opened my eyes. He goes, he looks

19:00

at me in the eyes. He goes, can I choke you out? Oh?

19:03

My god, can I choke you? Can I

19:05

choke you out? And I go, Aggie, I'm not

19:07

even awake to get choked out. You

19:10

can't choke you out. That's

19:12

so cute, and

19:15

I I know, I'm like, God,

19:17

I gotta put down my cum tarp. And

19:21

the name Aggie does not make me think of a little boy.

19:23

Aggie sounds like an old man to Mell's

19:27

like AGI's one of those names that like it's coming

19:30

back it's like more of an old like a name you'd

19:32

associate like in the nineties, and there's

19:34

no like young aggies. Um,

19:36

so I I go to my go No, you

19:39

can't choke me out. And my worry,

19:41

honestly is he's really good at jujitsu

19:43

for his age and no, like when he's thirteen,

19:45

he'll be able. I'm gonna wake up

19:47

with an armbar and my bone will

19:49

be like I got your bone out of your skin. But

19:52

that's how good of a fighter you like. It's crazy

19:55

what these kids can do. I would love that if

19:57

if my nephew Arlo was like, can I choke you out?

19:59

Because I'd be like, oh my god, you want to hug

20:01

my neck? Like I would just take it as a whatever affection

20:04

I could get. Um, let me

20:06

just read you. Have you

20:08

ever slept over your sister or brother in

20:10

law's Yeah, they don't. They

20:12

don't like me. It's not like they do, like

20:14

like Poppy and Harlow asked. Poppy asked

20:16

for me sometimes and it's so cute. But

20:18

then I got over to her place one time and I

20:20

was holding she ran into man. I was holding her and

20:23

um, she kept going nick. It was Nikki, and

20:25

I was like, it's me. And then I go, oh,

20:28

you mean she kept My sister goes no, she's saying Luigi,

20:31

and I go, oh my god, I think she's always asking for Luigi.

20:33

It's not me. It's so cute. I

20:35

went over there. Oh my god, Andrew was so cute. We

20:38

I went over there the last time, and Arlow

20:40

has been kind of you know, they

20:42

fight a lot. It's a four year old and a two year old and poppies

20:45

too, and Arlow will like

20:47

throw balls at her head like either a little abusive

20:49

because their kids or whatever, and Poppy

20:51

will hit him and then he'll hit her a lot more hard

20:54

because he doesn't understand. So I went over

20:56

and yeah,

20:58

exactly. So I

21:01

really hate when around Christmas time when we

21:03

say Santa's watching and then suddenly he's

21:05

like a good boy because of this threat that

21:07

doesn't even He's gonna find out some days a lie. So

21:10

I said to him, I go, r Low. So

21:12

I go I brought because I brought over

21:14

a bag and I said I have I have a present for

21:17

you, and I just had this little

21:19

dear figuring that I found in a box, and I'm like,

21:21

ohr low. This is just something to give him when I come

21:23

over there. And um, and I brought

21:25

Poppy a scrunch because she just likes like pretty

21:27

little like hair things, and um,

21:30

I go, I have a present for you, but um, I'm gonna talk

21:32

to your mom first and hear how you've been, if

21:34

you've been a nice boy, and if if you

21:36

if I get a report, then you can have it. When

21:39

I leave, I'll give it to you. And he kept being like, when are you leaving?

21:41

And I go, Okay, Actually, if you ask me when I'm

21:43

leaving, I'm gonna move in and I'm never gonna leave.

21:46

I go. Every time you ask me if I'm when I'm leaving, I'm seriously,

21:48

I'm gonna stay an hour longer. So that's not gonna work

21:50

for you, and I go and

21:52

I and I felt a little weird about bribing him

21:54

to be good, but I go, it's the same thing as the Santa stuff.

21:57

This is year round. And also I'm real, I

21:59

will give you a is it? And I go, I go, here's

22:01

the deal, arlow I for the rest of

22:03

the time you and I know each other, who

22:05

knows, like for your whole life? I go, I will bring

22:07

a present every time I see you, every

22:09

single time. I would have a present for you, but you only

22:12

get it if I get a report that you've been nice to Poppy.

22:16

Yeah, and uh, he

22:18

got Wait one second, I think this

22:21

is how Santa Claus got started. What you're doing

22:23

to Arlow, I

22:26

exist, I'm making a list and I'm checking it twice.

22:28

And if he throws a ball at Poppy said, he ain't

22:31

getting a little figuring deer that I did dug out of

22:33

a box that I would have thrown away anyway, Like you

22:35

can bring a kid any like a little thing like a trinket,

22:37

and his is a prize, you know, like a piece of candy or

22:39

whatever. So I go, I can I can follow through

22:42

on this. It'll be fun because I'll start collecting toys

22:44

to like have in my box to give him every time I go over.

22:46

And it's just like a fun thing, but it's contingent

22:49

on, like you have to be a good boy. So we sat down

22:51

and I'm holding Poppy and I'm trying to explain

22:53

it. We start running through scenarios of like, Okay, when Poppy

22:55

does this, what how could you what would you do to

22:58

respond? Like what what are you gonna

23:00

do in this scenario? And so we go, you

23:03

know, um, when Poppy hits you,

23:05

what do you do? And he goes be nice

23:07

and I go, yeah, but isn't there a part of

23:09

you that you probably want to hit her back? Because she hit

23:11

you? Right, that makes sense, Like you hit her,

23:14

that makes sense. I think that that that's

23:16

why you've been doing it. And that's like, okay,

23:18

that makes sense, and I go, but guess what are low? Poppy

23:21

is a little little baby, and we

23:23

have to protect her because she's stupider

23:25

than you. Because when you get older, you get smarter,

23:27

and so she's kind of dumb right

23:30

now because she's a baby. All babies are dumb.

23:32

I go, you were a dumb baby once, and guess what

23:34

we did. We didn't let any boys

23:37

throw balls at your head ever. We

23:39

never let them do that because you're a little baby and

23:41

we need to protect you. We need to all work

23:43

together because you're so babies are so

23:46

dumb. We need your help to be You're so

23:48

smart. You gotta, you gotta. When

23:50

Poppy hits it's because she's she's stupid.

23:53

And my sister's kind of like, well, and I'm like but

23:55

she's gonna get smart, but you have to teach her how

23:57

to be as smart as you. And I was like, okay,

24:00

so when Poppy wants my

24:02

sister goes, okay, what about when you're eating,

24:05

um, some goldfish and Poppy sticks

24:07

her hand in the bag and want some. What

24:09

do you do? And he went and grabbed

24:11

the goldfish and then just like gives them to her

24:13

and it was really cute, and I was like, yeah,

24:15

so he's just trying to get check these off.

24:17

But I thought that was a good way to break through to him because

24:19

he goes, were you because he's always asking

24:22

us about who were babies. He goes, I

24:24

was a baby, and I go, you were a baby? And he

24:26

goes you baby, and I go yeah.

24:29

He goes, you want me to choke you out? No, he

24:31

goes, theory, I'm smarter

24:33

than you. Is that what you're saying because I'm older? Yeah?

24:36

And you you're dumb, dumb

24:39

little baby, I mean. And this is all very sexual

24:41

for me too. I love playing the character

24:44

of Poppy and bed Unfortunately, um,

24:46

I'm a dumb baby.

24:49

Please throw balls in my head. The

24:53

life there goes my social life

24:55

clueless. Oh oh my God. Speaking of

24:57

place, did I tell you guys all breck and Meyer the other

24:59

day show? Um,

25:01

he plays uh the skateboard

25:04

like burnout. He

25:06

was awesome.

25:10

He's been in a million things. Breck and Meyer.

25:12

He's definitely very famous. And he's at

25:14

the other night at the comedy store. I walk over to go, hey,

25:17

will you let me. I'm gonna do ten minutes not fifteen. The show

25:19

is running way and I was tired, and I walk

25:21

over the booth and I go, I'm

25:23

like, is that breck and Meyer And they go, I

25:25

don't know. I go, I love you and

25:28

like and Air Griffins

25:30

on stage. No, this was on the side of the ring I

25:33

love you, and he kind of like,

25:35

and I go, I love you, I

25:37

love for you, and he was like thanks,

25:40

and I was like and

25:42

then I then literally Andrews did do was

25:44

like Nicky Glazer and I just like ran up on stage. So I'm

25:46

like, okay, good. He thinks the girl that said I love you is not

25:48

like he didn't know what he was, but it was I

25:51

seeing a guy that was on clueless. Still

25:55

he looks the same age. I mean, I don't

25:57

even know I know him from

26:00

he was in Seth Green's film that I watched. Remember

26:02

that movie we watched where they go to

26:04

Thailand. It was a great movie,

26:07

Seth, I forget what it was. Yeah.

26:10

Oh breck and Meyer. He's so cute. I once saw him

26:12

at um A

26:15

Cafe as well, but I didn't I

26:17

know. He looks fucking great. He

26:19

was also on the show with Zach

26:22

Morris, What a Mall Part my best friend

26:24

Mark, Paul um Risolian Aisles

26:26

or whatever that show was, you know, Uh,

26:29

burtin Brainstorm. I don't know what it was

26:31

called Burten Brainstorm sounds like a

26:34

legging line that would be promoted to me on Instagram.

26:36

Um so uh,

26:39

I said, I love you too him. It was so much fun, got Andrew.

26:41

I have so much stuff to tell you. I'm sure you have so much stuff

26:44

to tell you. Can I

26:46

just share one second? I said, I was gonna do it. Jess

26:48

one of our best ties who I ran to the parking lot last

26:50

night, she sent a d M two our

26:53

account and I just want to say the nice

26:55

things she said about us. One second. No, let

26:57

me find your d M. NICKI M

27:00

the best to you, said I in the parking lot after your show

27:02

at Supernova. I'm in l A from Chicago

27:04

and truly believe I manifested one seeing you

27:06

perform in two meeting you during this trip anyway,

27:08

I just want to emphasize how much I admire and look up to you.

27:10

I've dabbled in stand up and just started my own podcast, and

27:12

you're someone I looked to as an example. The

27:14

way you're authentically yourself, unapologetic,

27:16

risk taking in bold it pushes me to being afraid to do the same.

27:18

So sweet. Watching you trout new material

27:20

tonight, material that I've heard you talk through on the podcast

27:22

was so incredible. I learned a ton by following you, and

27:24

I needed to make sure to thank you for doing so. Doing

27:27

that so vulnerably you inspire people, whether you

27:29

realize it or not. Thank you, and I love you. Bestie.

27:32

You two Noah and Andrew or

27:34

Andrew and Noah. She put you hers. Let's

27:36

let's let's und Will you look up Noah

27:39

what Justice podcast is? Because shout

27:41

out to everyone who UH

27:43

supported uh bestie Lisa,

27:46

Um, Lisa Doll who has

27:48

an only fans and is a suicide

27:51

girl. UM that's what people

27:53

call me too, because I talked about so much but

27:56

I love bestie supporting besties. It

27:58

was so nice. She wrote that she got she

28:00

got people signing up for only fans from my mention

28:03

on the podcast. So you know, let's

28:05

let's I love the idea of promoting Bestie's doing

28:08

cool stuff. So we'll find out just this podcast and we'll have

28:10

it for the final thought and let you know about her new podcast.

28:12

And it's cool to support new podcasts because it's

28:14

cool to get on the ground floor of something. I'll tell you

28:17

that. And just seemed fucking cool as ship. Oh you

28:19

haven't, Noah, you want to? Should we

28:21

go away for a guy to say, Hey, Andrew, you're

28:23

great in that thing on that thing.

28:25

Oh, by the way, I sell spark plugs

28:28

like you can. Yeah, we're not going to anything.

28:31

You're yeah, yes, but

28:34

I do you and you well, we'll let

28:36

you know what do you want to do it an hour later? Let's

28:39

just do it now, because who

28:41

knows where this show is gonna go. It's it's

28:44

at Peeking Podcast peaking

28:47

p a K or is it about

28:50

p A K K I

28:52

n G. Yeah, it's a self help podcast.

28:54

He can oh love

28:57

it? So check out the Peeking podcast from bestie.

28:59

Just let get into the news

29:03

yours.

29:07

I mean, just this is a class. I'm

29:10

obsessed with all the SoundBite summer show. I hope

29:12

people also love our our

29:14

theme songs. It makes me really happy,

29:17

especially when I'm here for four days. I hope you had a

29:19

great weekend and had all the swells out there. Um,

29:22

I know we did. Uh we

29:24

really did. I think we. Oh my god, We're gonna

29:26

come back even stronger together in

29:28

our new podcast studio. Should we talk about

29:30

it? Maybe later? Yeah, we'll love video

29:32

up soon you guys. All right? So first story,

29:35

folks. A webcam that takes photos on top

29:37

of a national park in Austria every

29:39

twenty minutes captured a couple having sex

29:42

and publishing software posted it online.

29:45

You know why they posted it because they didn't get

29:47

facial recognition because they were doing doggies

29:49

style. So it was just the guy. I

29:51

didn't know it was people. Oh my god,

29:55

two goats. Where was

29:57

this in Austria?

30:00

Oh my god? And so it's right from me. It's

30:02

literally if you were behind the man

30:04

about I would say, uh,

30:07

it's a it's a blurry photo. Almost looks like I was watching

30:09

big Foot footogo footage last night because my

30:11

friend believes in Bigfoot and told

30:13

me that it's like this person is a smart

30:15

person who I trust, and he believes in Bigfoot, and he was showing

30:18

me big Foot foo footage from cameras

30:20

like this where they like, you know, they're on

30:22

an eagle's nest and they're like, oh, you can watch baby

30:24

eagles. And then in the background of foot watch

30:26

by that guy it's directly behind this

30:29

tale ass Austrian dude, and

30:31

he's doing said the girl, you can't even see here. It

30:33

looks like he's um

30:35

playing uh you know, what's

30:37

that game where you spend the thing and you put

30:39

on hair on red dot twist.

30:42

It looks like he's playing Twister on a towel. I

30:45

mean what's great is it's every twenty minutes. So were

30:47

they fucking for you know, one

30:49

minutes or were they fucking you know? I

30:51

wonder how you know if it's caught

30:53

at both times? Yeah, um,

30:56

I love this and good for them, and I wonder,

30:58

Yeah, you can't see who that guy is. That

31:01

could be anyone, but or

31:03

he may be lost to contact. And he's honest

31:05

because you can't see the girl and he's just he

31:07

got naked to look for his contact. Man,

31:09

I did a yeah, I got it's

31:12

about the way to find. It makes you want to get

31:14

up there. Huh yeah,

31:17

you know what. It's changing everything I think about hiking

31:19

and travel. Um,

31:21

bring it on, that's what

31:23

I did say, like I want to go bang out in the That's

31:26

why I Noah put that in their cut down. My god, you know how

31:28

many Google maps there's probably someone

31:30

given a like a blow job through a window of a house.

31:32

Oh yeah, for sure. You've got to start that.

31:35

That's that's what you need to do in your life. Start combing around

31:37

Google. There's this really fun thing called

31:39

um It's a fun game

31:42

where you it's a map

31:44

of the world. They pick a random

31:46

Google Map image of like a road, like

31:48

a you know, like you know, You put it on and then

31:50

they show the scene and you have to guess.

31:52

You go back to the map of the world and you try to guess

31:55

where in the world this is, and then it

31:57

shows you how many miles you get and

31:59

it's like a game. I love this, It's so

32:01

fun. I'll in the final thought,

32:03

I will tell you what that website is because

32:06

it's I heard someone talking about it the other day. It's so

32:08

fun to play. And it's when you get it close,

32:10

when you're within like a thousand miles,

32:12

which for the world is like close, you're like fuck

32:15

yeah, you know, and you try to guess by like that

32:17

definitely looks like it's not America. So

32:20

it's it's just it's really fun. So

32:22

we'll tell you about that genocide

32:24

happening. I know this. I noticed genocide

32:27

down it's mostly

32:29

water. I

32:32

wonder if they have Google like

32:35

Google Maps or like you can see

32:38

Google Earth in like you know,

32:41

Yemen, where there's like billions of starving

32:43

kids. I know they

32:46

probably don't, so I'm guessing, don't

32:48

click on Yemen. Don't

32:51

guess. I would guess probably.

32:54

I said Yemen like eighteen times and then you said,

32:57

ye oh

33:00

oh, I didn't know that. Okay, well no

33:02

man, um, Let's get to the next

33:04

story, all right. The next story,

33:07

A woman thinks of Florida bartender who

33:09

saved her and her friend from being hit

33:11

on by a creep by passing him

33:13

a note the skies as a receipt. The

33:16

receipt said, if this guy is bothering

33:18

you, put your ponytail on the other

33:20

side. Of your shoulder and I will have him

33:22

removed. He's giving me the creeps,

33:25

me the creeps, he said, and

33:28

this guy and there's a picture of this guy. She

33:30

goes, this man was harassing me in my friend and the bartender

33:32

passed this note to me, acting like it was my receipt. Legit.

33:34

The type of legit, the type of bartender everyone

33:37

needs. Love it so cute. Here's

33:39

the thing. Flip your put when you deal to the side. What if you

33:41

were like, but this look doesn't like it's

33:44

the side pone like, it doesn't. What if

33:46

like you're you have a short little bond or something and you

33:48

can't get it over there or um

33:52

the I will say that the mere

33:54

fact that she even had to guess it. There's

33:56

no way this girl or that he had that he noticed

33:58

this guys creep. There's no way this girl was enjoying it. No

34:01

one. I've never once been seeing

34:03

guy hit on a girl and been like she's

34:06

annoyed and been like, do I need to ask her for

34:08

help? But but actually that's true because sometimes

34:10

people are like, do you want me to get you away from this guy? And

34:12

I'm like, I love this guy. Carlyle

34:14

Carlyle, yesterday I was telling

34:16

people at a party or the other night at Ben Glee's party,

34:19

she was telling about some um comedians she's

34:21

been trying to like pet She's friends with

34:23

him, but she knows how annoying he is, so

34:25

she goes, do you want to stand? She's something? Someone

34:27

she goes For years, I've been

34:29

trying to keep him away from Nikki and protect

34:31

her so she doesn't have to meet this guy because he's

34:33

so annoying. I've been for years, Nicky.

34:36

You don't even know the efforts I've made. But somehow

34:38

it finally happened. And I come up and Ninki he's

34:41

got Nicki in the corner and he's talking to her. And

34:43

I was like, oh no, I failed.

34:46

And I didn't even know she was keeping me from this guy. And

34:48

she goes and I walked up and uh, and Nicki finally

34:50

got free and I go up and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry,

34:52

and I go I love that guy, and she's like, so, I don't

34:54

know what to do with you, and I go, that guy was fucking

34:57

great. And I go, literally, Carlyle, anyone

34:59

who your friend with who might be annoying I'm gonna

35:01

like I have annoying friends. I'm annoying.

35:04

But if if it's a good person and he's annoying,

35:06

I'm gonna like you. But it was just

35:08

so funny. That's

35:13

just funny. If it was like some like gorgeous man that

35:15

you would definitely date. And she's like, I gotta

35:17

keep him, yes, because I do have

35:20

different tastes. And no,

35:23

he's just he's just like an overly like excited

35:26

open micro kind of not even open micro like

35:28

comic. But he's sweet and

35:31

I hear he's funny and I just love his enthusiasm.

35:34

Uh, he's just great. So she had

35:36

it wrong, and I go, I go, don't protect me. I go, I

35:38

can protect myself. I really appreciate it, but don't

35:41

go to valiant efforts behind my back to

35:43

protect me from someone. I'm a big girl. And I go,

35:45

that's really nice, but don't do that. I'm sure

35:47

someone. Yeah,

35:50

I go, can I get him to hang

35:52

out with me more? So? I don't want to talk to you. Carla

35:55

was so funny the other night. I love her so much. She

35:57

um, we go to Ben Bleep's party. Yeah. Uh

36:00

And on Saturday night, so much fun

36:02

I can't even believe I will be telling you about Ben Gleave's

36:05

party for the rest of time. He

36:07

had a birthday party that I co hosted. I

36:09

have to um, and that means like I'm I offered

36:11

to pay for a lot of like, uh, I

36:14

want to pay for all of it because it was just such a

36:16

fun night. My parents had a great time. He had

36:18

a food truck, he had um bartenders,

36:21

a doorman. He had a scavenger like

36:23

he had a map of the party that

36:25

he printed up that was a scavenger hunt that if someone

36:27

found the treat at the end of the party. He had a weird

36:30

room that had like a shed like thing

36:32

that was decked out with like a Moroccan theme,

36:35

with pillows and amazing lightning

36:37

with candles that people were like hanging out in this room. He

36:39

had a heated pool that was heated like a

36:42

like a hot tub. It was hot tub pool. It

36:44

was amazing. He had amazing like floats,

36:46

all the different kinds of floats you'd want. He had.

36:48

I mean, it goes on and on this party. It was a karaoke

36:51

room, a dance room, UM, a photo

36:53

booth. How many people were there, I

36:56

think probably undred and fifty over the course of the night.

36:58

Think was happening at the house? No, it

37:00

wasn't that kind of party. It was so much

37:03

fun. I stayed. I stayed up until six am.

37:06

I left it six I was not drunk

37:08

or high, like I was high, but like, I don't

37:11

like to smoke weed at night. At Like I've

37:13

been smoking weed all day and it energizes me, and then at night

37:15

I'm like, it's like doesn't it doesn't.

37:17

So I was just like having a good time. And um,

37:20

I'll tell you what. My mom goes

37:22

why we're because they my mom wanted to say. She left

37:24

it to thirty because my dad was like, I gotta leave in

37:26

the morning. My mom's staying out here by the way so

37:29

she can go with me tomorrow to um a

37:31

shoot that I'm doing. Uh, and she's

37:33

being my emotional support animal for that shoot. And

37:36

because it's gonna be a triggering day,

37:38

I'll tell you that fashion

37:41

and so I um. So

37:45

my mom left and she was like, oh, we left, and

37:47

you like, was it so much fun? Would you do? And I go,

37:49

I stayed until sick and she goes, nicky, you've never

37:52

stapped to sex? And I go, I know that is the power

37:55

boy talking to

37:57

a cute boy. I go, and you he

38:00

was drunk and everyone

38:02

there is drunk, and when you're sober, you just didn't realize

38:05

how less cool people are that you love when

38:07

they're drunk. But I remember talking

38:09

to him and he's you know, he was being

38:12

like, you know, drunk people they like talk louder,

38:15

and they'd like say that you repeat themselves a lot. And

38:17

I remember being like, I wouldn't

38:19

tell her the rate this from literally

38:22

and like it could be Tom Hanks and I

38:24

would go, I need to leave. But a

38:26

boy that is really

38:28

attractive who I like,

38:31

just want to and he was drunk, so he's like, you

38:33

know, touching me a lot, and like like

38:36

I was just like I will. I started

38:38

hearing the birds chirp. I'm like, I thought it was eleven

38:40

o'clock at night, and I go, that's the power

38:43

of a handsome man. Mom. That's why with

38:46

the idea of like, oh, maybe we'll

38:48

make out or maybe no, no, no, no, he

38:50

tried to kiss me and I said no, I go

38:52

no, no, no, no, do I go try that when you're sober, but

38:54

no, no, you yeah,

38:58

yeah, feeling out last night. What

39:00

Yeah, I'll tell you who later. No,

39:03

I just like really want to explore of I

39:05

just want to be this person's friend. We're both going through

39:08

um breakups and like we're

39:10

both like really getting out

39:12

of something that we both like fell in love for

39:14

the first time in our lives and we're both coming out

39:17

of it and like processing like wait,

39:19

I didn't know you could feel that way, And now what

39:22

do we do? And it's kind of interesting. So it's

39:24

nice because we've we've known each other forever and always

39:26

had a flirtation and now it's just kind of like I

39:29

definitely don't want to enter

39:31

into anything new, but it's just like but

39:34

the thing is what's nice about it is like I

39:37

just like to touch people that I care about

39:39

and like intimately, and it feels weird to do that with like girlfriends.

39:41

Just like sometimes with girlfriends, I'll like hold their hand or

39:43

stuff like that. But um, like like

39:46

holding a guy's hand, it doesn't mean

39:48

to mean I hope he calls me the next day

39:51

or and he doesn't need to freak out like Nikki wants to be

39:53

my girlfriend. It's like I just go, can

39:55

I just like can we just like touch because

39:58

I just I miss touching someone and it

40:00

like and it feels good and like this doesn't

40:02

have to mean anything, like literally, we don't even have to

40:05

this doesn't even mean something romantic, like I just want

40:07

like we hung out last night. We were just like talking in the lobby

40:09

of my hotel because I just didn't want to put

40:12

it in a situation where it was like in the in my

40:14

room, and so we were just like we're in the lobby of the hotel

40:16

because we got kicked out of the bar because it closed, and

40:18

I was just like, can you just like sit next to me

40:20

and we can touch me. I mean we were touching last night

40:22

because you were drunk and like very handsy

40:25

and it was awesome but like I didn't say that, but um,

40:28

and it was just nice to like touch and be like, just

40:30

be honest, like this doesn't have to mean anything.

40:32

It's just we could literally be two friends that

40:35

are like touching. Obviously there's more to

40:37

it than that, but it was just so nice, and

40:39

um, I just feel for the first time, uh,

40:43

like I'm He's

40:46

someone that I've always pursued and been like I

40:48

want him to like me so bad and now I'm like, I'm

40:50

just in a place with him because he's my friend, where I'm like, oh,

40:54

like, I don't even know if I want this. Let's go

40:56

super duper slow, like the slowest

40:59

I have no I have no agenda,

41:01

And it's like so freeing to be like

41:04

I don't even know I'll see you again. I'm not trying to like stay

41:06

in how longer so I can hang out longer. It's just like, yeah,

41:10

it's like it does. It shouldn't happen right now because

41:12

I am like heartbroken still a little

41:14

bit coming out of it more and more every day.

41:16

I'm like, I don't even honestly,

41:18

liking a new person takes you out of it so much. Maybe

41:21

if you have sex with the guy, maybe

41:23

maybe you have your mom in the room to be there for

41:25

you. Yeah, my mom's staying in town and

41:27

my dad left, and my mom is so cute. She goes, did

41:30

you hook up with that? I told your dad

41:32

when we left, that boy like sneaky, he they're

41:34

gonna hook I hope she doesn't hook up with him because he's

41:36

you know, he was drinking and he

41:38

wasn't like belligerent or anything, but like she was just like,

41:41

I hope she he I can

41:43

tell he likes her, and she likes

41:45

him, and and the next day she goes, what happened

41:47

with him? And I go, nothing. He tried to kiss me

41:49

and I was like no, and it was like when he's ready to

41:51

kiss me, I was like, thank you, I

41:53

love And we've kissed before. I like,

41:56

you know, it was like eight years

41:58

ago or something forever go, and

42:00

we kissed, and I liked him so much and want him to be my

42:02

boyfriend. I even told another and I go, if you

42:05

would have been like, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend, I would

42:07

have been like, oh, so, I'm glad you didn't.

42:09

And I honestly hated you for so long for it

42:11

because I was like, why would you kiss me and hang out

42:13

with me and like me so much? And I want to be my boyfriend.

42:16

I was like I literally tried to, like I probably

42:18

tried to destroy you as much as I could and like

42:20

not be nice to you and punish you. And I just like,

42:23

don't ever want to do that again. I don't even want to do that

42:25

to the person that just broke my heart, Like I

42:27

don't want to be the type of girl that I

42:29

like being the tailor's with of comedy and like working out

42:31

my frustrations with men and my feelings with men

42:34

and my art. But I don't want

42:36

them to hear it and go I feel

42:38

bad about myself. And because

42:42

I just want, especially someone that I love,

42:45

I hope that they have a good life for

42:47

you. You don't want to stay spiteful. It's so much

42:49

energy and it takes away from your shine.

42:53

It's just not a good look when people hear you bitching

42:55

and being like moaning and calling a guy

42:58

gay because he didn't like you, or saying

43:00

he you know whatever it is, and and that's just

43:02

me, you know, making a joke, but

43:05

like having being like a bit about

43:07

it. Like when I used to date a vegan guy and I hated

43:09

him, I would like make it and I wasn't even vegan

43:11

myself, but I used to go like, oh he was vegan.

43:14

Having sex with him was like we we

43:16

would scissor Like I made it like, oh, he must

43:18

be a lesbian because he's vegan, and it was just like it

43:21

was just hurt, you know, and it's just not a

43:23

good look. So I can be funny about guys that hurt

43:25

me in ways, that aren't like spiteful

43:28

and um, and that is a good place

43:30

to be it and it's nice to tell tell this person

43:32

like I used

43:34

to destroy any guy that hurt me intentionally

43:37

or unintentionally. I used to like have I want

43:39

on one of their life to be hell and I

43:41

don't. And I can tell you that. And so

43:43

that might be like, oh god, I don't want to be

43:45

around this girl that has done that. She

43:48

and she might just be saying, to

43:50

be honest, I don't want to do that anymore. I

43:53

really don't. And it was just nice and he wasn't

43:55

like I was just not like it's

43:58

not even like I like a guy romantically. I just like

44:00

a person and like like them as a friend

44:03

that I like to have them touch my leg and

44:05

try to kiss me. Um. But the

44:07

thing I was going to say about the drunk before we get to the final

44:09

story, Carlyle was freaking out

44:11

the other night at the party because she was drinking.

44:14

And when we met she was sober and we have

44:16

always smoked pot together. But like she just started

44:19

drinking again and she doesn't it's not

44:21

like ruining her life like it used to. And

44:24

but she gets a little everyone gets louder

44:27

and more and and

44:29

repeats themselves. Those are the two things, and kind

44:31

of stupider, and you don't like and they don't understand

44:33

when you talk to them as much, they don't. That's the things that happened.

44:36

When people to get a little bit drunk because you have to, they

44:38

get more stupid, They get more like

44:40

Poppy, remember Poppy, my stupid fucking

44:45

yeah, you throw balls at their heads and um.

44:47

But Carlisle goes, we're on the way home because I had to

44:49

get a ride home from raw Do Bondar shout

44:52

out to rod Do, I love you so much. He gave

44:54

me a ride home from the party because you cannot get Uber's past

44:56

four am, which I didn't know, so I was stranded in the valley. Rod

44:58

Do gives me a ride home. I'm in the worst mood

45:00

because I'm tired and I'm mad that I stayed

45:02

until sun up. Um, I'm

45:04

like, I was just in a bad mood and

45:07

and it wasn't because of the boy or anything. I was just like,

45:09

oh, I'm so disgusting. Why to say up all night like

45:11

I have to get up early to morrow and um,

45:13

and Carlos in the back seat like, oh,

45:16

the seatbelt didn't work because

45:20

she was there and we went swimming and stuff. Yeah, we were just

45:22

hanging out. It was so fun. It was the party

45:24

was still kicking until eight am, like that was

45:26

still making drinks for people. He's so fun. So

45:29

Carlyle was like because

45:31

I was talking about how annoying drunk people were and

45:33

on the way home, and Carlo was like, I'm just feel

45:35

like I just like didn't even want to be around you because you're

45:37

like they're gonna hate me. And I was like, babe, I

45:40

will never hate you, like I don't. It's

45:43

not gonna happen. Like, yes, you're a little bit more annoying,

45:45

but I you were avoiding me if I didn't

45:47

even know she was at the party because she was avoiding me because she was drinking.

45:49

And I go, and I was a little annoyed

45:52

at some stuff that she like, my

45:54

mom got a little drunk. My like the guy

45:56

was talking to it was a little drunk. I was annoyed everyone that got a little

45:58

drunk, including Carlyle. But it was it's

46:01

not I go. I can always. I'm gonna let

46:03

it slide tomorrow. Nothing you're gonna do. It's gonna make

46:05

me not want to be friends with you, and she got we were

46:07

driving home and she was like, I'm gonna fucking

46:10

wake up tomorrow and have so much anxiety and

46:12

feel so bad about how I acted tonight.

46:14

And I woke up at like eleven the next

46:16

day and I sent her a voice memo that was like, I

46:20

need to let you know that I

46:22

love you. Are great, and you

46:24

are so funny and so fun and when you get

46:26

a little drunk, you're not a bad person,

46:28

you are not embarrassing. Let yourself off of the hook.

46:31

You had fun last night. And she was like, I

46:33

need to hear this. I'm like, I wish I would have woken up earlier to

46:35

tell you, because I was such a bitch last night that

46:37

she probably thought I was mad at her. But I

46:40

just want to say I love Carlile Forrester. I would

46:42

love if you would support her Patreon Carlile

46:44

Forrester and like follow her on Instagram. She's funny

46:47

as fucking, she's hot as fun and she's one of

46:49

my best friends. Hilarious comedian and

46:51

I would really appreciate you. And you will see

46:53

how crazy and homeless and scary West

46:55

Hollywood is she films the alley that is

46:58

behind outside her bedroom wind and

47:00

there's fires and bums like shitting on

47:02

the you know, on the road right

47:05

outside her window. Which, by the way, I

47:07

made a joke about homelessness on on Bill mart and

47:09

I got some about it. Yeah, but

47:11

it wasn't even it was funny. I don't whatever. Yeah,

47:14

whatever, next story, alcohol,

47:17

though, Why do you think it hits you so hard?

47:19

Because like just dealing

47:21

with being drunk, because

47:25

thanks for asking that, because you know, I

47:27

because it makes people louder, not

47:30

listen to what I'm saying. I tell them stories that I

47:32

have to repeat the next time I see them. They

47:34

aren't It's just your Your friends

47:36

get dumb. Alcohol does not make you

47:38

more fun. You get more fun because you're stupider.

47:41

Doesn't give you courage. You guys, doesn't

47:43

you talk to the girl that you'd be scared to talk to

47:46

because you're dumber? You know what? Dumb people? I

47:48

was talking about this the other day. I get hit on and

47:51

asked out in my d MS all the time. I guys are

47:53

like I saw you in Rogan. I just I've never felt

47:55

like I've never heard someone talk to what you talk I really,

47:57

I know you like need a boyfriend. I would love to take

47:59

you. And this guy lives in Des Moines and is

48:02

disgusting by the way, like not attractive, like

48:05

it's it boggles my and and I'm sorry

48:07

to hey, I was drunk

48:09

last night. They have three kids. No, no, no, they have three

48:11

kids. Know they're sincerely shooting their shot, and they're like, when

48:13

you're in town, I would love to take you out, And I go, what

48:16

in your mind thinks that I'm going to be your

48:18

girlfriend? You live for when you live in

48:21

Des Moines and your accountless

48:24

private, so I can only see the weird close

48:26

up, grainy photo of you with some

48:28

weird you know, sunglasses that

48:30

have like the purple tint on that like,

48:33

I would never date a guy. It's what you're

48:35

insane to think that you would like. And then the guys

48:38

that I would go out with would never ask me out

48:40

like that because they either are intimidated or

48:42

like that's such a weird thing to do. So you only

48:44

get I tend to think, am I not

48:47

aware of what I deserve? Is this what I deserve?

48:50

Because it's only guys that look like that and talk

48:52

like that that are asking me out. So I go, am

48:55

I like a four and I think

48:57

I'm a comedy nine. And

48:59

the truth is, I it's not that I think. It's

49:01

those guys are dumb guys and

49:03

and not. And I'm not being um mean

49:06

when I say dumb, they you know they

49:08

just aren't. I'm not being um what's

49:10

it called when I'm being dumb? Right now? You're

49:13

negatively connotated. I when some when I say

49:15

someone's dumb, I'm

49:18

not as smart as Meal de gross Tyson. He could call

49:20

me dumb, like if someone's less intelligent or like doesn't.

49:23

So when you get dumber when you drink, it

49:25

makes you dumber and you take chances that these

49:27

dumb guys take, and it does it's

49:29

not and it makes some of that is good because

49:32

that's what you really feel. But you know, I

49:34

was with a guy on Saturday night

49:37

who tried to kiss me and then I see him sober,

49:39

and he sits across the table from me

49:41

catty corner as far as he can because

49:44

it's like and and uh,

49:46

and I go, you're drunk. You know that night? I go, you're drunk

49:49

and like that there and and he was like, no, I

49:51

get honest when I'm drunk, and I'm like, I don't believe

49:53

that, because I think the honest person is the sober

49:56

person being like, I'm not ready to make this

49:58

move on her. I'm a little nervous. Then nervousness

50:00

is what sometimes you need to combat that and overcome

50:02

your nerves. But that's your body telling you, like, maybe

50:06

hold on. So when you get dumber when

50:08

you drink, it's not actually courage. And that's

50:11

what got me to quit drinking, is to realize all

50:13

the things I thought I was getting from drinking, more

50:15

social, more comfortable, I'm just more

50:17

dumb because dumb people are comfortable.

50:19

And maybe that's a good thing. But when my friends

50:22

drink, When my friends have more than one point

50:24

three drinks, one point three, they're up until one

50:26

point three drinks, they're great. Literally the sip

50:29

that makes it one point three four I

50:32

they get louder in my face so

50:35

it hurts my face. Their breath they're

50:37

not aware of their breath stinking in my face. And

50:39

and this is not Carlyle, if you're listening, this is not about

50:41

you. You always I've never smelled your breath before ever.

50:43

You always smell good and um,

50:47

and they get and they don't remember the things you say, and you have

50:49

to repeat yourself a bunch. I don't judge them,

50:51

and I don't hate them, but it's my choice to leave. I would

50:53

have left this party a lot sooner if the drunk

50:55

guy I was talking to wasn't so freaking

50:58

handsome and you know, is like complex

51:00

and interesting. Even The

51:03

only thing that I would say is like, sometimes

51:06

if I had a situation like that where the person

51:09

was drunk and I wasn't drunk, a little

51:11

bit of me would be like, gosh, I wish I was maybe

51:13

had one point five drinks, so I my inhibitions

51:15

would be gone, so I'd have a fun romp

51:18

and I'd have a fun story of how I had sex

51:20

in a shed or whatever. No, I totally

51:22

agree with you, and then you just wake up

51:25

and you kind of regret it. But I'm just saying,

51:27

like, those are like things. When

51:30

she was saying, oh my god, I asked acted so stupid,

51:32

I was so loud, I was probably so annoying blah blah,

51:34

because she's hearing me talk about how annoying every drunk

51:37

person is the party. On the way home, I'm just like bitching

51:39

about like because I was in a bad mood and I wasn't being

51:41

very compassionate as I am now. So

51:43

it's just like I'm just I can't be around my friends

51:45

when they're drunk anymore. I just can't do it because

51:48

they're just It's not because I'm like I want to be drunk.

51:50

It's like, it's just it's just exhaust

51:52

It's like babysitting, you know. It's just like kind of being

51:54

stuck in a bad conversation with someone you love

51:56

and um, and she goes, I was such

51:59

an idiot, I go, Carl. Everyone

52:01

at that party was just as drunk as you are, and

52:03

they're all having those thoughts about themselves. So let yourself

52:06

off the hook that, Yeah, when you go to a party, you act

52:08

drunk. Most people are drunk. Yeah I'm the sober

52:10

one judging you. But let me tell you, I

52:13

anyone who gets drunk, I have been a drunk idiot

52:15

before. One more story the

52:17

other night, and I hope

52:20

my parents don't hear this, but it's actually a good

52:22

story. We're backstage at

52:24

Supernova and I'm bringing I'm

52:26

toting my parents along. It's the night before, it's the

52:28

night before Bill Maher and I'm doing three sets.

52:31

It's just like from set to set, and

52:33

we get to set in in the back of the room, Kevin

52:35

Neilan walks into the door. My parents are

52:38

huge Kevin Delon fans. I mean weeds

52:40

down to SNL that like to his They followed

52:42

him on Instagram for his art and my

52:45

dad looks like Kevin Neil and my dad has always reminded me of

52:47

Kevin Neil and Kevin Neilan Wilson. They know I'm friends

52:49

with him, and I'm like, Kevin fucking and I'm

52:51

like, yes, Heria, and I like I'll get and I'm like, these are my

52:53

parents. And he's like, I know you as he's just like so charming.

52:56

And my dad's like, it was like, we actually saw

52:58

you perform at in Cincinnati

53:01

in nineteen whatever, nineteen o one,

53:04

and uh and uh, he

53:06

goes, you probably don't remember. It was a Riverfront downs

53:08

and and he goes, I think it was I

53:10

was with Gary and he was like, yeah, Gary Shandling was in

53:12

there, like yeah, Gary Shandling is on the show. And

53:15

he goes, I used to be like I worked at a cable company,

53:17

so we were you know backstage and we met Gary

53:19

and oh my god, Julie did the most embarrassing

53:21

my mom sitting there and he tells a story about my mom embarrassing

53:24

him in front of Gary Schandling because she was my

53:27

mom was drunk and um just

53:29

maybe trying to like out of like feeling uncomfortable,

53:32

so she like bragged to Gary Shandling that my dad

53:34

was like a cable executive. She was like, he's the like

53:37

you know, he's bragging to him and it

53:39

embarrassed my dad and he was like, I'm

53:41

sure, Gary, and it went

53:43

back and made fun of you. And he's like, always

53:46

makes my mom feel bad about the story. I've heard the story

53:48

like dozens of times in my life and it's always my mom

53:50

was always like I don't want to hear it's so embarrassing.

53:52

I didn't mean to and I'm always just like, shut the funk

53:54

up down, I'm just so annoyed. And why would you say this part

53:56

of Kevin Ellen where we just met two minutes

53:58

ago, just say you met Gary Handling without the story about

54:01

mom being wasted and embarrassing you

54:03

and saying embarrassing things. So literally tells

54:05

that story and to go, well, it must run in

54:07

our family because I said

54:09

the most embarrassing drunk stuff

54:12

to David Tell when I met him, and

54:14

I go, Mom, you would not believe the

54:16

stuff I said. And then I told the story of how I embarrassed

54:19

myself in front David Tell when I was drunk, and and

54:23

I think, God, I had that story to build my mom out.

54:26

But like, if you're a drunk person you've

54:28

done something embarrassing, forgive

54:30

yourself. I forgive myself for the dump stuff

54:32

I've done. And don't make your friends feel bad about

54:34

it, because the only reason you're doing that is because

54:37

you're embarrassed by stuff you've done and you

54:39

want to make their thing worse so that years

54:41

feels better. So trying not to embarrass people.

54:44

Uh, And I told that dad, everyone's

54:47

because he Then my mom brought up something that

54:49

my dad was like, I think she had thought

54:52

my dad was flirting with one. I

54:54

just was saying that I love that. Your mom was like,

54:57

oh, he's the best awning man. Now,

55:01

No, my mom was so proud of him. I'm sure it's

55:03

just embarrassed that my mom was even trying to like talk

55:06

him up in front of it. But it wasn't even that bad. But

55:08

my mom got like, like what

55:10

they were joking that my dad started chatting up some woman

55:13

on the rooftop of this hotel when they went to the pool

55:15

and she came up there and he's like throwing her kid

55:17

like in the pool and like having fun with this kid,

55:19

like kind of being grandpa. And my mom was like,

55:21

who is this woman they're talking to her? And so they just

55:23

started making a joke of like, oh, I gotta go see Diane

55:26

later, like like my dad has a been a girlfriend and

55:28

um, and my mom brought up something

55:31

my dad said that was like maybe a little like embarrassing,

55:34

And my dad goes, why do you have to bring that up? And I go, why did

55:36

you have to bring up the Gary Schandling story in front of Kevin Ellen.

55:39

I go, you both need to stop bringing

55:41

up embarrassing moments that you go, why

55:43

did you say that? No one wants to be embarrassing,

55:45

So each of you, I never want to hear that story

55:48

again. Oh I don't tell that Gary Shandlings.

55:50

I've told that one time. And I go, Dad, I haven't

55:52

memorized. You've told it at least three times in

55:54

the past two years, I've heard it, and that's only

55:56

when I'm around you guys, and you always do it in front of someone to

55:58

make mom feel It's just like stop it, stop

56:01

it, um or now, don't

56:04

stop it. Be aware of it so that you can maybe

56:06

get ahead of it. It's awareness is the key. Do

56:09

I care? Number one Cable guy, we see through

56:11

it. I can see through you a

56:14

big deal and he should be proud. My mom should be bragging.

56:16

What do we care? Why

56:18

do I care? Why do you care? NIGGI

56:20

let's find out. Dave Chappelle sings Radio

56:23

Heads Creep with the Food Fighters

56:25

that Madison Square Garden. Wow,

56:28

I didn't see this. Can we here a little bit?

56:42

Damn? I'm

56:47

a he looks awesome. He's wearing

56:49

sunglasses, a shirt,

56:51

a green shirt. Oh Davis

56:54

fucking jamming out behind him.

56:56

I love this. First of all, I heard Dave Grohl

56:58

talk about playing guitar let just while I'm so sorry

57:00

you guys in the middle of eating breakfast. That's

57:02

so road one second now sounds all

57:06

right? I Noah

57:09

as a guitar player, I will say something about Dave

57:11

girl that opened up my world. Um,

57:14

Dave Grohl obviously drummer for Nirvana

57:18

always was musical, played all the instruments. But he said,

57:21

I always think of guitar as a percussive

57:23

instrument. As soon as I looked at it as like I'm

57:26

just making like like like

57:28

doing percussion on it and

57:31

using it like a drum kit essentially, it

57:34

suddenly made sense to me. And I was like, oh my

57:36

god, that I

57:38

can listen to look at the drug. I can just bang on the drum like

57:40

I don't have to technically follow the perfect

57:43

thing like I can make I can make it

57:45

work for me. Um. Because

57:47

that but that I never thought about, um the guitar

57:49

being drums and drums make

57:51

more sense to me than a guitar, and so that opened

57:54

it up to me. And he was just definitely UM

57:56

doing a drum solo on that guitar, and Dave is

57:59

Dave good at everything, Dave, I mean, that

58:02

was the best thing. Yeah,

58:06

he looked cool as fuck. He

58:08

didn't look like he was doing karaoke. I mean, he looked

58:10

like he doesn't feel like. I feel like Dave

58:12

has a way of getting I

58:15

mean, I'm sure I don't know what the percentage

58:17

of people that actually knew who he was in that audience

58:20

probably what is

58:27

at Merison Square Garden. You think seventy

58:29

percent of them knew Dave Chappelle was. Are you sticking

58:31

kidding me? Honestly?

58:34

Are you drunk? Are you like? Are you you're

58:37

popping out hard right now? I

58:39

would say people

58:43

knew who Dave Sabelle was. Dave Mibel.

58:46

He's more famous than the Food Fighters. Unfortunately, you

58:48

think so, you think I don't

58:50

think. I think more people for

58:54

certainly the word Dave Grohl. I will

58:56

say he's more famous than Dave Girl. His name

58:58

is more recognizable. Food Fighters possibly

59:00

the same level. But DAVEA. Chabelle is everyone

59:03

Ask your step mom who I bet you think doesn't know Innapolis.

59:09

By the way, the other day, that was pretty funny.

59:11

She goes in Minnapolis. It sounds

59:13

kind of like St. Louis Lewis. But

59:16

yes, I agree. I'm just saying that he crossed

59:19

like him and John May are being best friends. It's

59:22

all. It's it's another fan

59:24

base that he hits with still being

59:26

cool. Is My point is that like he

59:28

still hits another fan base. He gets up at the Food

59:30

Fighters, he's on stage, he's looking cool

59:33

in glasses. It's just another way to be

59:35

like, Hey, I'm Dave Chappelle, as

59:38

we know from Bob Sagett, as we know from me telling

59:40

you that when I was on Folon with him, he stayed

59:42

on the zoom to watch me and like gave

59:45

me a shout out. At the beginning it was say at

59:47

a Nikki, and then at the end it was like, where's NICKI tell hers

59:49

she did great. Like he's a fucking real dude,

59:51

and like, I love Dave Chapelle. He can

59:53

do anything. That's why I care and I'm and

59:55

you know why I also care about that. A guy on

59:59

a date to uh, I

1:00:01

wish to a high um to Medicine

1:00:03

Square Garden. This guy that I've been uh texting

1:00:06

with, we met on Riot. We actually met in person a

1:00:08

while ago and just passing.

1:00:11

I think he was with someone at the time, so but I was like, that guy's

1:00:13

cute and then they were like his a girlfriend. Years

1:00:15

later we matchined, right, I always start texting.

1:00:18

He writes to me, you know you were amazing on mar and

1:00:20

you looked stunning to the And I invited

1:00:22

him to Bend Gleeb's party and he goes um,

1:00:25

I'm in New York for a few shows. I can't

1:00:27

go when I get back, though, Uh, let's

1:00:29

hang out and or get on a plane

1:00:31

tomorrow morning and come see food Fighters and in

1:00:34

MSG with me and I said, oh good, Christ wouldn't

1:00:36

offer. He goes, I dare you? And then he wrote me

1:00:38

the next day what time do you land? And sent me of

1:00:40

like the Madson Square Garden like thing, and I said,

1:00:42

God, I wish can't make it, but thank you for the offer. He said,

1:00:44

I know I was being somewhat sarcastic. I'll sure,

1:00:48

I'll sure will do my best to make

1:00:50

you regret the lack of spontaneity. Though, if

1:00:52

you would have offered to fly me out, I would have gone, he

1:00:57

said, get on a plane and

1:01:00

go. Listen. He would have, but

1:01:02

I also was with my parents, and it

1:01:04

would have been it's I

1:01:06

think it's yeah, I think

1:01:09

that's fine. Oh I thought it was so sexy. I was really really

1:01:11

like, oh my god, I would have done it. He's so cute. And have

1:01:14

you ever done anything like that up?

1:01:17

Yes, to follow up when he got there, Yes, yeah,

1:01:20

it's spontaneous things, but never like

1:01:24

but let me just say, get

1:01:27

me a plane ticket, like if

1:01:29

a guy's gonna make that bolt of a mood, like let's

1:01:31

go all the way and go. I will

1:01:33

fly you here if you want to go with me. But at

1:01:36

this the fact that he invited me was so cool, and

1:01:38

I bet he was trying not to like show off his money

1:01:40

and in respect the fact that I can buy my own

1:01:42

plane ticket, like that's probably I didn't offer that, you

1:01:44

know, and he probably didn't think you would take it serious.

1:01:47

I really appreciate the offer, and I

1:01:50

probably even if you offered to win me a plane ticket, I wouldn't

1:01:52

have, but I probably

1:01:55

would have come later on thinking about the fact that you offered

1:01:57

to buy me a plane ticket. Flat Pam. Let's get to our regular

1:02:00

day segment. I think we skipped it last week, but we're bringing

1:02:02

it back this week. Top one bottom one.

1:02:04

This is where we take a category and we eat each

1:02:07

Noah, Andrew and I go around the horn

1:02:09

and say our top one bottom one of

1:02:12

this category. Today's category, as

1:02:14

we decided before the show, um,

1:02:16

is Noah, things

1:02:19

that your dad has said to you? In honor

1:02:21

of Father's Day, we're gonna say things that your

1:02:24

dad has said. Do you top one. Bottom

1:02:26

one. Uh, let's start with our bottoms,

1:02:28

as we always always like to end on the top. Uh,

1:02:31

Andrew, can you kick us off with the worst

1:02:34

thing your dad has ever said? I mean, the

1:02:36

list is long, and it's tattooed on my

1:02:39

leg. Let's see. Um

1:02:42

yeah, okay, So I would say it

1:02:45

was this is kind of funny because my dad is here

1:02:47

and I was sitting with him when you

1:02:50

guys were texting. So I asked

1:02:52

him, I go, what do you think your bottom? I

1:02:54

asked for which I never would

1:02:56

have done in our past. I'd be too afraid to do something

1:02:59

I love it. And uh so

1:03:01

he said, uh, we agree, that

1:03:04

is bottom one. When I told him I want to be a comedic

1:03:06

writer before I even wanted to do stand

1:03:08

up, he looked at me and he goes, hey, Andrew,

1:03:11

I also want to Oh yeah, you

1:03:13

want to be a comedic writer. I want to play third base

1:03:16

for the Yankees, meaning it's

1:03:19

impossible, you can't do it. I want

1:03:21

this crazy dream. Get over it, get

1:03:24

a career, don't be a fucking idiot.

1:03:27

Essentially, don't be a poppy. Yeah,

1:03:29

don't be a poppy. And I can't

1:03:31

wait till Poppy is old enough to know that we've used her

1:03:34

name to mean dumb, because

1:03:36

she'll get it. She'll think it's really funny because she's gonna

1:03:38

grow up and she's not gonna be a dumb baby anywhere. Um,

1:03:41

or she might be dumb. Who knows, probably might be dumb, and

1:03:43

I'll still love her and she's still a great human that has

1:03:45

as much value as a smart human. By the way, if you're dumb

1:03:47

out there and you're like, I'm not anti

1:03:49

dumb because people are, there is a a

1:03:52

racism, not racist, but there is an is m for

1:03:55

um. Yeah,

1:03:58

yeah, yeah, I don't forget what it's called. But because

1:04:00

I'm I'm a poppy, but um,

1:04:02

people talk down like, oh they're dumb, and

1:04:04

it's like, yeah, you know what they were. They can choose

1:04:07

to have the brain that doesn't have as much information

1:04:09

and then and they didn't choose to go to the schools that they

1:04:11

went to. It's like, people, you shouldn't

1:04:13

discriminate because someone's dumb. And I truly

1:04:15

I think dumb people are awesome and

1:04:17

I think too dumb to

1:04:19

do this, and some people are way more fun, Like I said, they

1:04:21

take more chances, they shoot their shot, and symptimes.

1:04:24

Those shots work. I'll see you in de Moines, Steve. Um,

1:04:27

We'll remember Joe Bucks golf caddy was

1:04:29

talked about in golf you either want to be insanely

1:04:32

dumb or insanely smart. Yeah.

1:04:34

He said that the best golfers are either like so,

1:04:39

because you have to be so locked in and meditative

1:04:42

that there can be nothing else going on your brain when

1:04:44

you are out there. So some people really have nothing

1:04:46

in their brain and that's why they're so good, and other people have to meditate

1:04:49

and get to a place where they have nothing in their brains.

1:04:51

So that was very interesting. Okay, that is the worst.

1:04:54

That is a bad thing. Because your

1:04:56

dad was being your dad's funny your

1:04:58

dad to be a comedy writer. Um that

1:05:00

was yeah, and

1:05:03

um uh, but you

1:05:05

had a good laugh about it this morning. Did he reflect on it

1:05:07

and say I'm sorry I said that to you or did he just laugh

1:05:09

and go that was that was right? No? No,

1:05:11

he yeah, he's definitely reflected. I

1:05:14

mean I would get back to the top dad.

1:05:16

Actually, I wrote on f Boy Island,

1:05:18

so suck my dick, and he goes,

1:05:20

I can't wait to seeing the credits. I go, well, dad,

1:05:22

I'm not gonna exactly be in the credits

1:05:24

because I was hired corporation

1:05:29

didn't really believe in me. But yeah, so they

1:05:32

didn't know about you until I brought you to the Island as

1:05:34

my podcast co host that I worked out in

1:05:36

my deal and then I snuck the into set and he were a vital

1:05:39

component of that show. By the way,

1:05:41

I can't wait for you guys to see it. F Boy Island coming soon.

1:05:43

Um let's bottom up, Noah,

1:05:47

bottom thing your dad said to you, all

1:05:49

right, this was I'm sorry triggering.

1:05:53

Yeah, alright, So I guess the thing

1:05:55

that I can think of is like

1:05:57

any time my dad would share stories from

1:06:00

his childhood growing up in communism, and

1:06:03

it made me realize as an

1:06:05

adult because you know, like who we are

1:06:07

as adults stems from our childhood. Like

1:06:10

the reason why my dad has absolutely

1:06:12

no emotional intelligence is

1:06:15

because he had to hide a lot of his feelings

1:06:17

just from his circumstances growing up. So

1:06:20

communism makes your made your

1:06:22

dad a poppy emotionally

1:06:25

an emotion an emotional poppy.

1:06:27

Is there an example of a kind of emotional lack

1:06:30

of emotional intelligence that stands out to you

1:06:32

that wouldn't UM make you sad to

1:06:34

recount or make us all go oh poor

1:06:36

Noah, because we all have those Like I didn't

1:06:38

want to I didn't want to make you guys like say

1:06:41

things that we've all had our dad say hurtful

1:06:43

things that we might not want to share. But this is

1:06:45

more of like a fun like what a dumb thing for him

1:06:47

to say. It's okay if you say now, I guess

1:06:49

like any time UM we would talk about

1:06:51

my career and he would tell me like, oh,

1:06:54

you know, just don't shake anything up, Just don't

1:06:56

say anything like right

1:06:59

for more than you don't, don't demand

1:07:01

anything else, which Noah, by the way, as

1:07:05

such, Ah, we should we should

1:07:07

talk about it later, like in working

1:07:10

with you on building this podcast and

1:07:13

in the in the interim when we didn't know what we

1:07:15

were going to do next together. And no

1:07:17

Ah as someone I've learned a lot from Uh

1:07:20

who's done the work to value

1:07:22

herself as much as she is good,

1:07:24

like knows her value now and

1:07:27

like asked for what she deserves and

1:07:29

gets what she fucking deserves. And it's like if

1:07:32

you if you are someone who works in a corporate environment

1:07:35

and you're thinking of how to like ask

1:07:38

for what you want, you feel like you deserve more. Um

1:07:42

shoot, Noah injection a d M because

1:07:44

she might have some good pieces of advice

1:07:46

that helped her as someone who was raised

1:07:48

to not think that way about herself, to

1:07:51

overcome those in a you know, Noah,

1:07:53

she's so nice, you guys, she talks like

1:07:55

this and she's like very helpful and like

1:07:58

once to be happy that

1:08:02

bitch leans in comes

1:08:07

from like you. You leaned in, girl,

1:08:09

and I've learned a lot, Like I definitely

1:08:12

don't know that I would be able to do the same kind of stuff

1:08:15

like that you've done to get what you deserve

1:08:17

and not ask for more than you deserve, nothing

1:08:20

like that, not take advantage, but just feel

1:08:23

compensated for what you're

1:08:25

doing. And guess what, when you get

1:08:27

comp when you're probably compensated for what you

1:08:29

do, works

1:08:31

so much harder and better and you actually

1:08:34

have more, so much feels so good. That's

1:08:36

why I'm always like, if you can afford to pay movers

1:08:39

tip movers a hundred bucks that are moving

1:08:42

some couch and if you could afford the ex hundred bucks,

1:08:44

fucking do it. They're not always

1:08:47

My mom goes well, the tips included. I go, this

1:08:49

society doesn't pay people enough, and

1:08:52

the minimum wage has not increased

1:08:54

with inflation. We need to

1:08:57

step it up. And you know, well the government needs to

1:08:59

figure it out. They're not figuring it out. So if you have

1:09:01

enough money, you gotta step it up, and you've gotta people

1:09:03

need to be compensated more. I don't. When I leave

1:09:06

tips, I leave a percent. Sometimes my

1:09:08

parents go, nikky, that's too much. I go, it's

1:09:10

because it's not because they did a fantastic topics.

1:09:13

Because they're underpaid. They are underpaid

1:09:15

for what they do. Garbagement are underpaid. I should not

1:09:17

be paid for how much I get paid. It's

1:09:19

not right. But because

1:09:21

I do, I gotta give more money

1:09:24

to other people, because I'm a fucking hero. My

1:09:26

bottom thing that my dad um

1:09:29

has said to me, hold on, I actually have it recorded

1:09:31

one How

1:09:34

could you do this? As

1:09:41

long as called babe? It's by sugar Lands and

1:09:44

it's Taylor Swift. We ain't it

1:09:46

in through this long? Baby,

1:09:48

baby, baby babe. This

1:09:51

is the last time I love call you,

1:09:53

babe. Thank God I

1:09:56

cued that up. I was walking with my mom this morning. I go, people

1:09:58

make fun of me because one day on the podcast, I answer

1:10:02

the phone and Dad goes, hey, babe, and I go, I

1:10:04

gotta say, it's babe. No. The worst thing my dad ever

1:10:06

said besides babe, which I didn't think was bad,

1:10:09

was I was, um, I've told

1:10:11

the story a bunch, but I was like, you know, probably

1:10:13

thirty twelve or thirteen, and I was in

1:10:15

a swimsuit from swim practice and I was eating

1:10:18

tomato soup, seeking

1:10:20

some kind of soup. Such a weird thing to eat

1:10:22

coming out of a pool soup because you I

1:10:26

and soup. You know, I was wearing this was it was

1:10:28

dry by the time. We spent all day at the pool. And then I'm

1:10:30

home and I'm still in dry some soup and I'm

1:10:32

eating a dinner and it's and my

1:10:35

dad goes, Nick, it looks like it

1:10:38

looks like you're getting some boobs there, and I just

1:10:42

dropped my spoon and I was

1:10:44

like, and I cried and ran

1:10:46

into my and my mom goes, why would you say

1:10:49

anything like that to her? And I go,

1:10:51

oh my god, and he goes, oh my god, I don't

1:10:53

know what I said. And she goes, you don't say that to

1:10:55

her, and I ran in my bedroom. I leaned

1:10:58

up against the door because I didn't have a lock on my door, and

1:11:00

I go, dude, welcome ahead. I never want to talk

1:11:02

about this I had, and he's like, nicky, I'm so sorry.

1:11:04

I didn't. I didn't know. I I'm so sorry, and

1:11:06

I'm like, I had never talking

1:11:09

about this. And I'm in my room and I'm like fucking hungry.

1:11:11

This sucks that I have to like stay in here, and I'm

1:11:13

like, what am I gonna do? I have to come out and see my dad again,

1:11:16

and I eventually left. We never talked

1:11:18

about it again ever until I was an adult, and I

1:11:20

was remember when you told me I was getting some boobs, and

1:11:22

he was like, I was just trying to make you feel good about your you

1:11:25

know, when you were like excited about getting pubes. I was not

1:11:27

excited about becoming a woman, and having

1:11:29

my dad pointed out was just horrified to me. But

1:11:31

the other day, you guys, I'm not joking you. It

1:11:34

wasn't as bad as this, but

1:11:36

it was. I was at Bill mar I go in the

1:11:38

next dressing room to get dressed because

1:11:40

I got my makeup done in normal clothes. My parents are in the

1:11:43

dressing room, my publicists there, Bill

1:11:45

Dixon is there, my friend, and

1:11:47

um, I walk in after getting dressed and

1:11:49

I walk in, I'm like Tata and you know, I look

1:11:52

all gussied up, and my dad goes,

1:11:54

god damn, like he says

1:11:57

that. He goes. It was literally it wasn't even God damn.

1:11:59

It was like hubbub. It literally was

1:12:01

I'm not joking you. And I go, Dad, you

1:12:03

don't say that to your daughter. And everyone was like,

1:12:06

yeah, you don't. Like everyone agreed. Even my publicist

1:12:08

was like, yeah, that was a little weird. I

1:12:10

go. He goes, you just look I mean like

1:12:12

you look like he would be like, you look sucky,

1:12:15

and I'm like, but that's me, don't I

1:12:17

go. Don't see like So

1:12:21

that's probably the worst thing. Uh, Andrew, what's the best

1:12:23

thing your dad's ever said? Let's do the top one. Best

1:12:25

thing your dad's ever said, The top one my dad

1:12:28

has ever said. He goes, man, I could see

1:12:30

your thick cock through to his umbros and

1:12:32

I was like, thanks dad. No, he

1:12:35

said, your dick's really coming in there. Yeah,

1:12:39

with your dick. I just

1:12:41

remember the soup splashing because I threw

1:12:43

the spoon and it's splashed in like this whole

1:12:46

thing. And it was probably period blood because I was really good at

1:12:48

my period too. Ever

1:12:51

said best thing is it came

1:12:53

full circle? Or not full circle? Have circle?

1:12:55

I don't know whatever. When I did my

1:12:57

one man show, what you watch that? You're so

1:13:00

good? Dude? I again,

1:13:03

did you record that? I think it

1:13:05

is recorded. There's gotta you gotta put you

1:13:07

gotta put that out. I'm serious, I gotta

1:13:10

find it. But so my dad at the end, I

1:13:12

you know, I ended it, and I uh, I

1:13:14

asked, you know, because I talked about being in debt and I

1:13:16

talked about my anxieties all that. I go, hey,

1:13:19

Dad, would you who would invest? And

1:13:21

I planned it out with my dad before and and

1:13:24

I go, dad, would you invest in me? And

1:13:27

he goes, Andrew, I'm all in, which

1:13:29

it's like it's cheesy, but it

1:13:32

was really to make me cry. That's

1:13:34

so sweet and it's so proud of you. Yeah,

1:13:37

to go from third base of the Yankees to I'm

1:13:39

all in. Uh, you know, to come

1:13:41

from a family where your dad doesn't have money

1:13:43

to just buy a sprinter van because

1:13:46

he doesn't want to take a flight like and and to have

1:13:48

a brother who was has more money

1:13:50

than you'll ever even

1:13:53

come like than Kevin Hart because

1:13:55

of what the industry he works in, where

1:13:57

that's that kind of money to be made and

1:14:00

to have been a dogwalker, worked in grilled cheese.

1:14:02

Wanted to like you. Finally

1:14:05

at the age of like I would say, by

1:14:07

thirty nine, you were doing stuff that you were

1:14:09

always doing stuff that was like people, you

1:14:11

were well respected in comedy, didn't really have

1:14:13

much to show for that to your family unless you're on

1:14:15

TV. Your family doesn't get how like the open mic scene

1:14:17

views you. But now like

1:14:21

you have made it. I mean they must be like freaking

1:14:23

out, like yeah, it's cool, man, it's

1:14:25

really cool, and I I just yeah,

1:14:28

I mean that has no clear cut. When

1:14:31

your dad is a Jewish doctor,

1:14:34

the last thing he wants to hear is like, oh,

1:14:37

you want to make it as a comedian,

1:14:39

as an you know, as an artist. He's

1:14:42

like, no, and get a career.

1:14:47

I wanted to be a comedian, and my mom was

1:14:49

like, just be an English teacher,

1:14:52

because I was really good at English, always was

1:14:54

excelled in those classes very easily.

1:14:57

And um, she was like, I just you should

1:14:59

be college professor. And that was like her

1:15:01

safe dream for me because it was achievable.

1:15:04

It was like clear cut, there's a She probably

1:15:06

googled the salary and was like, that's good

1:15:08

for my daughter. And I just was always like, that's

1:15:11

why would you want me to do something that I don't even want

1:15:13

to do just because it's safe. But then, you

1:15:15

know, I looked out having parents that, But that's what I did

1:15:18

for fifteen years after college.

1:15:20

I just did things that were safe because

1:15:22

it was through but

1:15:26

that wasn't that was such a hot

1:15:28

dot com but that was real, I

1:15:31

know. But it was like on top of like doing

1:15:33

a safe and my dogs weren't safe when you

1:15:35

were walking them, but maybe you were safe.

1:15:38

Um, you're right and

1:15:40

those things are not safe. Try

1:15:43

to COMI but yes, yes,

1:15:45

yes, yes, yes, yes no, what's the top

1:15:48

one thing your dad said to you? Alright?

1:15:50

So for a father who

1:15:52

was an emotional poppy, Um,

1:15:55

he tells this story of when I was two years

1:15:57

old and I was in a like a daycare,

1:16:00

fell on my on my finger. So he tells

1:16:02

a story of holding me while the doctor

1:16:04

is sowing my finger back together, and

1:16:07

he's like, so just the way he tells

1:16:09

it, how I was crying in his arms

1:16:11

and he almost fainted while he was holding me. Just

1:16:14

like the most emotion that I will

1:16:16

ever get out of my father. And it's the sweetest thing.

1:16:18

And I love it. I love that. That's

1:16:21

so sweet. What a sweet category

1:16:23

thing we picked. I'm like getting emotional, Like

1:16:26

hearing your dad tell about this harrowing time

1:16:28

where he was so scared finally

1:16:30

lets him open up emotionally enough to show how much

1:16:33

he loves you. But it has to be through almost

1:16:35

thinking he's like losing you in a way. That's

1:16:37

the hardest part about these things, is like, why

1:16:39

do we have to wait till my finger explodes?

1:16:41

Can't you just tell me to

1:16:45

not feel especially if they're raised.

1:16:50

Yeah, but at least it

1:16:52

can come out then That's that's the beauty,

1:16:54

is that sometimes emotions you

1:16:57

can't push them down and they come out finally

1:16:59

and and I yeah, I just want

1:17:01

to add I only heard this story like

1:17:04

maybe three years ago from

1:17:06

his pursuit story two nights ago, that

1:17:08

I was born eight months a

1:17:11

month early. I didn't had no idea it was a premiun

1:17:14

last night or two nights ago I had. I didn't

1:17:17

have a heartbeat. They checked my mom's

1:17:19

my heartbeat. I was at thirty heartbeats

1:17:22

or thirty whatever beats percause a

1:17:24

minute, I guess, or whatever it is. They thought

1:17:26

I was dying in there. The cord was around my neck,

1:17:28

so they had emergency c section when I was eight months.

1:17:31

Jesus and my

1:17:33

dad just told me this story. I mean, it's

1:17:35

just I don't know. I was eight pounds eight ounces, so I was a

1:17:37

really fast brady cardia, which is low

1:17:41

pulse heartbeat like whenever I get

1:17:43

That's why I ended up actually going to the

1:17:45

hospital for an rexy. Is like I was dying,

1:17:48

but my heartweight was so low that they were like if

1:17:51

you leave the hospital. I was there for check up when

1:17:53

I was like, you know, everyone was in denial about

1:17:55

me being sick, but I was just there for physical to go

1:17:57

to college. And they took my heart like

1:18:01

they you know, they did the regular like blood pressure, and

1:18:03

they were like, unfortunately, like

1:18:05

it's so low, like we can't like you you're gonna

1:18:07

die, and like we can't let you go. But the

1:18:09

thing is, I came to find out later on as I

1:18:11

got healthy, like my heart rate is always

1:18:14

so low. They everyone always thinks I'm a marathon

1:18:17

runner, and I have. I've had a lot

1:18:19

of e kg s, but my resting pulse

1:18:21

rate is always about forty

1:18:24

nine, which is really low. And when

1:18:26

I'm actually really relaxed, it's like can get

1:18:28

down to like forty or

1:18:30

high thirties, which, um, and

1:18:32

if you're dumb like Poppy, you probably gonna get b

1:18:36

Yeah. Oh man, I keep getting slower, but I have that

1:18:39

thirties. Your sister gonna kill us for this. No,

1:18:41

I think they're gonna like it. And because I think and

1:18:43

I think we should keep using it because Poppy

1:18:45

is so poppy. Is so not poppy

1:18:48

by the way, Poppy, if you're listening in the future,

1:18:51

you are so smart and like the

1:18:53

fact that you can't talk yet, it's like it's

1:18:56

so weird to me because I know there's so much

1:18:59

going on in your head and like you understand so

1:19:01

much more than maybe even I do, And

1:19:03

so I can't wait till you start like really

1:19:05

talking and sharing what's in your head, because you

1:19:08

are so not poppy. Poppy, You're not poppy.

1:19:11

Um, But I think it's so funny. My

1:19:14

top thing. I had a hard time with this because

1:19:16

my dad does say so many like great things about

1:19:19

me. But he I'll

1:19:21

read a text that I got from him this weekend,

1:19:24

uh about the trip that

1:19:26

we had this weekend. It was really

1:19:28

sweet. My dad cried backstage of Bill Maher.

1:19:30

Both my mom and they don't usually cry that

1:19:33

much about the stuff, Like they'll tear up when.

1:19:35

My dad will tear up a lot more than my mom in

1:19:38

terms of like pride for me, especially when his heroes,

1:19:40

Like he hears his heroes like like me or

1:19:42

like I've been accepted in some way by like the industry,

1:19:45

and like he gets emotional,

1:19:47

like it'll be like I'm well enough. Like it's really

1:19:49

sweet and um. But when

1:19:52

after we got done with Bill Maher, I sat in the

1:19:54

audience with them. My segment was, first we watched the whole

1:19:56

show, had a great time, and then we went backstage because

1:19:58

I asked, like, is there any way that might it's gonna

1:20:00

get a picture with Bill afterwards. So we're waiting in this room

1:20:02

waiting for Bill to show up. After he like you know, changes

1:20:04

out of his suit and he's like getting ready to go, he stops

1:20:07

by or no, while we're waiting.

1:20:10

We're there in this like kind of green

1:20:12

room area, and I was

1:20:14

just like so like I was just in a good mood, but like

1:20:16

not wanting to be like how good was you know? I didn't, I

1:20:18

really I felt good about it. I didn't need to hear that. But

1:20:21

they were but might they were both just like

1:20:23

I can't I can't think about how good you just

1:20:25

were and how much you know the fact that he

1:20:28

goes like, I love you, America's falling in love

1:20:30

with you, like him to say those things and

1:20:32

and give me that like stamp of approval from the

1:20:35

guy that is, they're like they value

1:20:37

his opinion about people and politics and everything

1:20:39

so much, whether or not he's right

1:20:42

or whether or not they're right. It's just like the

1:20:44

number one person. It's like Obama, Obama saying

1:20:46

that I'm cool or something like they got they

1:20:48

were both like that was just like

1:20:51

that was insane, Like they were just so proud.

1:20:53

It wasn't like it was the first time I had

1:20:55

seen like they they

1:20:57

can't believe and I go, well, you made I

1:20:59

go. They go, My mom goes,

1:21:01

I just don't understand that, like how who

1:21:04

you are? Like what I just she was like I just can't handle

1:21:06

it. And I go, well, you guys made me and there

1:21:08

go we we had nothing to do with that. And I go, yes,

1:21:10

you did, like I was able to do that because

1:21:12

if you guys like you know, it wasn't

1:21:15

adopted, not that even if adopted, like even

1:21:17

if I was adopted, they made that like it's I

1:21:19

go, it's nurture. Um, so that

1:21:21

was your that's what you did. But so um

1:21:25

my dad said, uh, oh

1:21:27

ship he wrote it on the thing with my mom and dad.

1:21:30

He goes, what a fun time,

1:21:32

so great to meet and hang out. Um wait,

1:21:35

can I fuck? He wrote a whole

1:21:37

thing. Goddamn it. One second you guys, Um,

1:21:41

do you tell Bill marta Garish Handley story?

1:21:47

He said, Uh, that was

1:21:49

a legendary day. Oh this was um after

1:21:52

this is Friday after Bill maher. He sent me after

1:21:54

we said goodbye, my parents went to their hotel room.

1:21:56

My dad text My dad like sent me at u up

1:21:58

text at um baby. He

1:22:00

wrote, that was a legendary day and night of my

1:22:03

life. I'm so proud of the person you are. I

1:22:05

love you, Dad. And he never like writes

1:22:07

he never like it was just like so sweet.

1:22:10

But I think it's it's that like It's

1:22:13

funny when I when my mom was able to take credit

1:22:15

from me and go and I was able to go, like, Mom, I'm

1:22:18

great because of you. That

1:22:20

was like I always want to remind my mom it's

1:22:22

because of you, and I sometimes want to remind my dad

1:22:25

it's not all you, like you know what my dad.

1:22:27

Like my dad was to take credit for

1:22:30

I would say, is quicker to take credit like that's

1:22:32

my daughter and I am responsible for some

1:22:34

of that in a good way, whereas

1:22:37

my mom is like that I

1:22:39

don't even know how I made you. You're not You're not from me, And

1:22:41

I go, no, Mom, it is from you and Dad,

1:22:44

it's not all you. Like as some of this is like trying

1:22:46

not to be you dad, like you know what I mean. But

1:22:49

uh, for the first time, my dad didn't. It

1:22:51

wasn't about him. It wasn't about like I'm

1:22:54

your father and like, it's so cool to be

1:22:56

the dad of this person. It's like

1:22:58

and that I might have had to do with it. It was like you

1:23:01

are special and um,

1:23:05

yeah, my mom the other night, she was drunk at the Ben

1:23:07

Glaves party, but she came up to me and she told me yesterday

1:23:09

she was like you should hear the way Ben had talked

1:23:12

talked about you to me, and Ben so sweet everyone

1:23:14

at the party. He goes, Nikki, I want you to meet this person.

1:23:16

They're one of the best producers. Like he interrogets everyone

1:23:18

with their best credit and like talks him up. So he does this

1:23:20

a lot, but he's telling the truth. But he told my mom. He

1:23:22

goes, you need to understand your

1:23:25

daughter, Like, I don't think you understand she's an

1:23:27

icon. Final thought last

1:23:29

night at dinner, Um,

1:23:32

I went to there with Spade at like six fifteen.

1:23:34

He was goes early. I had to said at and I

1:23:37

met him at dinner and then I go,

1:23:39

can I have my mom come later so we can get

1:23:41

some alone time? And then my mom she just she's

1:23:43

awesome. She's not like regular moms. And he was like, of course,

1:23:46

So my mom came at seven thirty. We had a great

1:23:48

time. And while

1:23:50

I was like texting

1:23:53

that I was going to be later or something, I heard him

1:23:55

talking to her and I was trying to like not hear it,

1:23:58

and he goes, and I mean, Savid

1:24:00

fucking Spade. Everyone knows how I feel about him. He's

1:24:02

literally the funniest person a live and which my mom confirmed last

1:24:05

night. She goes, oh my god, Nicky, I can't believe how

1:24:07

funny he is and how she goes, he's timeless.

1:24:09

He doesn't look any different than on

1:24:12

just shoot me. He looks the same. I mean, he looks

1:24:14

so young and um and

1:24:17

he has the spirit of a young person too. And last night I

1:24:19

even said to David, I was like, because he was talking

1:24:21

about he has a daughter, um who's

1:24:23

in middle school, and he's like, I don't you know, I don't want a visitor

1:24:25

at school. I don't want her friends to know like who I am

1:24:27

because I don't want her to get teased for it. And I go, you're right,

1:24:30

Like in middle school people are so girls

1:24:32

are so jealous that's of someone

1:24:34

famous, that they might be bullier for it. But in high

1:24:36

school, it's gonna make her cool, so you should stop by her high

1:24:38

school. And he goes, but it's they're not gonna

1:24:41

know who I am, and I go, I go, you're

1:24:43

cool. I go, you know you're cool, right, Like you've

1:24:45

been cool since you came on the scene, and you're always gonna

1:24:47

be cool. I go, Coolness for

1:24:49

you does not go away, Like you're always

1:24:51

cool. Everyone will always think you're cool. I go, you'll

1:24:53

be cool when you're a hundred. You're gonna be like the epitome cool.

1:24:56

And he was like, thanks for saying that. I'm like, it's

1:24:58

just true. And my mom later and go, he's timeless,

1:25:01

and I go, you're absolutely right. David Smaid is fucking

1:25:03

he's he's the same person that you met on SNL when

1:25:05

he did Hollywood Minute and goes, uh, he

1:25:08

goes, I saw the bodyguard this weekend and UH

1:25:12

want my money back. He's like, um,

1:25:15

oh, sorry, sorry, I don't mean good. What

1:25:17

does he know like Tom Petty? You know Tom Petty

1:25:20

never really aged until he dies. And

1:25:22

granted they have like the same kind of blonde hair, but

1:25:24

like it's that same vibe of just

1:25:27

And here's the thing, David smaide,

1:25:30

you don't if you got introduced

1:25:32

to her high school friends, they don't need to know you

1:25:34

as David's You're already like in person

1:25:37

cool enough without that. I

1:25:41

told him last night. I go, I'm not joking

1:25:43

you. The biggest achievement of my career as

1:25:45

being friends with you, like actual friends with you. And I

1:25:47

will say that till the day I die until I meet become

1:25:49

friends of Taylor Swift. But for now, being friends with David's

1:25:52

made real friends. Like where

1:25:54

he's on my top, he's a he's a best friend

1:25:57

for me in terms of what we shared and

1:25:59

what he shared with me, that is the

1:26:01

coolest thing of my life. But he told my mom last

1:26:03

night, I'm sorry this is turning into a breakfast. But he

1:26:05

told my mama's when I wasn't listening, because

1:26:08

she later told me, Uh, he was

1:26:10

like just saying, like, she goes, well, Nikki just

1:26:12

loves you so much, and and he was like, we love Nikki,

1:26:15

and like was just being like, you know, telling a mom

1:26:17

what she wants to hear kind of thing. But later

1:26:19

on we were getting an uber home and I go, how

1:26:21

fun was that fucking Spading? She was like, I can't

1:26:24

get over it. She was thinking he

1:26:26

said the nicest things about you, and I go, really,

1:26:28

I go what he's saying. She was like, he just said,

1:26:31

your daughter is very well

1:26:33

respected by this industry,

1:26:35

Like everyone talks well about her

1:26:37

and she's very well respected. And having

1:26:41

that come from David Spade to my mom, like

1:26:43

that David Spade respects me artistically,

1:26:45

you know, like not just as a person, was

1:26:48

like, you know, there's

1:26:51

it's done. I've I don't. I don't need to do anything

1:26:53

else like this whole dream of like wanting my parents

1:26:55

to think I'm cool, and that's why we're driven by everything.

1:26:58

That's like our parents trying. It's really is that,

1:27:00

like mom and daddy, look at me. I've got it now.

1:27:02

I just need them to Now. I need to become a pop

1:27:05

star and prove to my dad that I actually I am a great

1:27:07

singer. Yeah, yeah, you definitely need to keep working.

1:27:09

You haven't achieved. I don't even think about

1:27:11

it. Final thought if no,

1:27:13

no, no, I just want to be a pop star. You took

1:27:16

a happy thing. I was kidding. I was

1:27:18

cutting it with I was. It was a joke. And

1:27:23

I need I need to drive, I

1:27:25

need things to like, I need a new goal, and my goals

1:27:28

have already been met. Yeah, I'd like to Hostess now, but I really

1:27:30

I don't need to. I've literally done everything I

1:27:33

want to do. Um but besides

1:27:35

be friends with Taylor Swift and maybe perform with her some

1:27:37

day like an after part the Grammys or something

1:27:40

where tell

1:27:42

you that she loved your outfit. The other night. Thank

1:27:45

you. Yeah, I know I just said that too.

1:27:47

We'll talk about more, Bill Mars. I have so much more to get

1:27:49

into from this weekend, but I do want to

1:27:51

say that, UM, if

1:27:53

you live in the St. Louis area or would like to make

1:27:55

a trip to the St. Louis area Thursday

1:27:58

night. This Thursday Night at Joe's Cafe,

1:28:01

which is a really cool venue in St. Louis, my

1:28:03

dad will be performing with his band, Glaze

1:28:05

in the Moon Kings from eight to ten doors

1:28:07

at seven Joe's Cafe in St.

1:28:09

Louis. You can go to tickets. UM Edgeler.

1:28:12

You can follow him on Instagram

1:28:15

E D G E U L A R. Don't

1:28:17

ask me why Edgeler and then

1:28:19

he has all the info in the um in the post

1:28:22

his most recent post, I believe um and

1:28:25

Yeah, Joe's Cafe, my dad is going to perform and

1:28:27

I'll probably be there. Andrew,

1:28:30

are you in town on Thursday? I'll

1:28:32

be there, Um, besties,

1:28:34

we'd love to see you come out and UM,

1:28:36

and my dad's just really talented, so I'm not asking you to

1:28:39

go watch something that's gonna suck. His

1:28:41

band is great, Glaze in the Moon Kings and um, yeah,

1:28:43

so I'll see you there. Andrew, Uh,

1:28:46

what are you doing today today? I

1:28:48

don't know. I'll probably go hit some golf balls with my

1:28:50

dad and my brothers. And we watched

1:28:52

the US Open on Sunday. It was a father's

1:28:55

day US Open as a family.

1:28:58

It's fantastic. It really is

1:29:00

incredible. And it was an incredible match and I

1:29:02

could get into it tomorrow. Oh

1:29:09

wait, that's not golf funk. I was thinking of, um,

1:29:12

tennis. Know this guy,

1:29:15

Oh my god, you would like this story. This guy rom

1:29:18

r a h M. He won last

1:29:21

tournament he was in. He was up by five

1:29:23

or six strokes. He had like a few more holes

1:29:25

to play. He was gonna make like six million

1:29:28

dollars. And they came up to him on the

1:29:30

course and go, hey, you tested posit for

1:29:32

COVID. You can't finish. Oh my god.

1:29:35

So he's like, Karmen. He goes, They

1:29:37

interviewed him, they go, look, I went home. I

1:29:39

was like, Karma is gonna work out for me. I'm not gonna

1:29:41

be upset about this. Something better is going

1:29:43

to come up. And two weeks later, he won

1:29:45

the US Open, sucking wrong. He said that he was like,

1:29:48

I'm not going to take this as a loss. Yes,

1:29:52

yes, let's rom it out. Don't be

1:29:54

a poppy if you're poppy.

1:29:57

We coined a new phrase today, guys, So

1:29:59

besties get in Poppy means dumb

1:30:01

but poppy. If you're listening in the future, you're not

1:30:03

poppy. It's just because, I mean, because you're a baby. I

1:30:05

set it up in the beginning. Go back and listen to it. Poppy

1:30:07

in the future. Um, and I'm I'm sorry

1:30:10

that I wasn't the aunt you wanted to be. And I'll bring

1:30:12

you a president next if you're nice to yourself,

1:30:15

because it's always contingent on being nice to Poppy Harlow.

1:30:17

If you're listening, you're not listening. Uh yeah,

1:30:19

Um, Andrew, have a great

1:30:21

day. I'll see you tomorrow. No, uh, have a great

1:30:24

day. I will see you tomorrow. And besties,

1:30:26

I will see you around town in l A. I.

1:30:28

Um, I don't think I'm doing any more shows, but love

1:30:31

when you say hi. You guys are the best.

1:30:33

Thank you for listening. We'll see tomorrow. On The Nikki Glazer

1:30:35

Podcast