There is not one among us who has not experienced rejection or pain. Nobody is immune from feeling wounded by their divorce, or scarred from a meaningful friendship ending. But when we hold the other in contempt, we delay time, to avoid looking

Episode 15. Conversion Therapy

Jun 6th, 2019 28m 44s

I sat across from the staff psychologist at Love In Action, the most well known conversion therapy camp in the country, while he read a psychiatric evaluation he wrote from the forms I filled out. He followed up with telling me that I did not r

Episode 14. Coming Home

Apr 17th, 2019 30m 8s

Future plans + present growth = uncharted territory. I took a sabbatical for a year to travel the world in August, 2018. In January, 2019, I came home after visiting 22 countries and seeing amazing sights and meeting even more amazing people. W

Episode 13. What is repentance?

Mar 17th, 2019 25m 39s

I was taught that I needed to repent to feel relief. So, I did. I was taught that I was responsible for what happened. So, I apologized to God. I was told to fall on my face acknowledging what I kept secret. And with every bend in my body, I la

Episode 12. The life of a christian gay teen

Feb 6th, 2019 20m 21s

In the course of my ambition to end my life there was mercy. To this day, I can feel the despair of what my 17-year-old self was facing: the terror of wanting to be someone different, while carrying the weight of not knowing how to change but w

Episode 11. New year, know you.

Jan 9th, 2019 19m

I put too much faith in bad habits and isolation. When I’m learning to speak out, reach for help, reach for growth, these parts of me that have worked so hard to preserve my secrets feel threatened and confused. I knew it was necessary to be ho

Episode 10. The After Abuse

Oct 24th, 2018 29m 5s

There is no guidebook for how 13 year olds should reveal the angst living inside of them. The very things we can not say out loud, we assume our parents can at least attempt to find. Let’s not complicate our own awareness for those who have not

Episode 9. Respect the Roar

Oct 12th, 2018 25m 28s

Chuck was a 36 year-old shoe salesman at a department store near our home in small town Alabama. He assured me, in his own customized vocabulary, that he was the solution to my feeling alone in a large family. He hooked me into an idea that he

Episode 8. Thy Will Be Undone

Sep 26th, 2018 28m 9s

This is clearly not a travel blog. I am the worst at organizing and navigating international travel. But, I am trying. This show is intended to help others navigate their abuse. Primarily, sexual and spiritual abuse. For those of us who have gr

Episode 7. Goodbye, Mile High

Sep 20th, 2018 28m 36s

I was folding clothes by my bed and heard her voice again, “Your time in Denver is coming to a close.” I must trust that it is time for me to find a new home.

Episode 6. Behind the Scenes, Three Days Before Blog Launch

Sep 20th, 2018 12m 43s

I am terrified of people from my past having access to my future. I have had 2 years of adjusting to being openly gay. I had 38 years experience of being homophobic. I was quiet about my hurt. I performed. I made people laugh. I shared an image

Episode 5. Be careful little eyes

Sep 20th, 2018 13m 4s

One Saturday evening when I was six years old, I was introduced to pornography. This exposure opened pathways in me to have pornography as an alibi from living life as a healthy human being. It has been destructive. It has been consistent. It h

Episode 4. Shame, on me

Sep 20th, 2018 15m 53s

I ran to catch up with my dad. I ran fast, and called, “Dad, Dad I’m coming.” I called again, “Dad, wait for me.” I made one more sprint. One more call, but the calling out began to be more of a question, “Dad?” I stared ahead, and realized tha

Episode 3. All are welcome

Sep 20th, 2018 9m 4s

This show is for: the curious friend, the churchgoer, the adult survivor of sexual abuse, the child who feels different, the teenager wrestling with sexuality, those suffering silently, the suicidal, the formerly religious, the parents of LGBTQ

Episode 2. Saved

Sep 20th, 2018 21m 23s

I had been taught about hell being the scariest thing I could imagine but it is where you go if you do not ask God to forgive you for your sins. No matter any child’s makeup and circumstances, when you grow up believing that you are being saved

Episode 1. Hi. I’m Nate. Nice to meet you.

Sep 20th, 2018 6m 36s

I spent most of my life feeling shame over the details of my history and adult conflicts. One of the therapists I saw once said, “Nate, do you see your story as shit or gold?” It paralyzed me to think I had an option. Through the course of me o

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