The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

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Every couple has an implicit power struggles in the different areas of the relationship (sex, money, parenting, looks, intelligence, and so on...).We call this the 95/70 rule.It has been our experience that this dynamic is inherently present and shapes the couples' mutual functioning.One of the ways we have been renegotiating our  95/70 contract in the past year, is by having Galit join Assael's podcast.Reflecting on our journey toward working together, we show how this power dynamic hurts relationships and how to soften this power dynamic in order to deepen intimacy, play, and partnership.For the expanded talk on the 95/70 click here.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Many of us insist that feedback be precise or else they won't consider it.Yet often this precision serves more as a block, a defense mechanism that prevents our growth.In this talk, I share how people use precision as a sophisticated defense mechanism to keep them safe and prevent pain. Through examples from the clinic, I show the losses of this mechanism and how to allow yourself to "lower your standards" in order to accept influence.Practical tips will help you let more things land and grow.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Often times, we (especially men) prefer to solve our partner's problems instead of actually letting their feelings or pain into our awareness.This often leads to a "report talk" dynamic where intimacy is low and partners avoid leaning on each other.In this talk, Galit and I unpack why do we prefer to solve our partner's problems and how to stop that habit through examples from our marriage and the clinic.Practical tips will help you listen more and solve less in your relationships.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Most couples avoid certain unavoidable Topics or decisions. In couples therapy, we call it crucibles, T-junctions, gridlock, 70% unsolvable issues, and more.Yet by avoiding these 'hot' issues, we are stunting our own growth.In this talk, Galit and I offer a fresh view on these lose-lose dilemmas and offer practical advice on how to lean into them in order to grow.Examples are given from the clinic and from our own drama around a drawing that was scotch-taped to the wall in my mother-in-law's house...Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Are you (or your partner) one of those people who constantly apologize for everything, even for things that no apology is needed (for example, sorry I didn't pick up the paper you dropped)?If so, this is not only a disempowered, defeated stance but also a subconscious passive-aggressive manipulative move. Yes, over apologizing has a "shadow" side.In this talk, Galit and I unpack the science and art of over-apologizing, through examples from the clinic and our lives.Practical examples will help you stop over-apologizing, as well as equip you with better ways to deal with an over-apologizing partner.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We've all been in this scenario:Your partner asks or remarks to you on something that you don't want to do. Since we're scared of disappointing them and want to avoid a fight,  we "smokescreen" our truth and placate them. This often leads to heaviness, lack of play, mind reading, and tension.The solution? “IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO ME.”In this talk, Galit and I unpack why using this sentence playfully with ownersh!t, can help you become more authentic and open with your partner.Examples are given from the clinic and our life.Practical tips will help you speak this simple truth effectively in your relationship.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
How many of you have heard and internalized the feedback that you're "too much"?If so, how has that impacted your life?Every day we work with women (and sometimes men) who have internalized this limiting belief and its negative impact on their lives.In this talk, Galit and I breakdown the gains and losses of this core belief, through examples from Galit's life and the clinic. Practical tips will help you soften this core belief and be your fullest self!Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
So often couples engage in an unconscious competition who is suffering more in the relationship.This dynamic results in more arguments, less vulnerability, and even a breakup.In this talk, Galit and  I describe this dynamic, the reasons behind it, and the damage it creates.Examples are given from our marriage and the clinic.Practical tips will help you soften this dynamic in your own relationship.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Why is it that when our partner tries to change their behavior, we so often shoot it down, claiming its "fake"?Because often we have this dichotomous thinking (Eithor) that if our partner doesn't do it naturally then they're faking it.But every new behavior will feel somewhat fake because if it was natural for us, we would've done it already!What is the solution?To soften our Natural/Fake Eithor.In this talk, Galit and I explain how this Eithor is created and how it prevents couples from growing and evolving.Examples are given from the clinic and our marriage.Practical tips will help you become more open and positive about the behavioral change of your partner.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We all have tense periods where we tend to interpret anything and everything our partner says or does as negative, insulting, hurtful, or aggressive.The Gottman researchers call this dynamic N.S.O - negative sentiment override.This lethal dynamic has a snowball effect that is hard to stop, and can lead to deep resentment and breakup.In this talk, Galit and I explain the reasons and dynamic of NSO through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical (somewhat surprising) tips will help you minimize NSO in your relationship today. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Dating today is not easy.Singles are getting tired and confused as to how to date in the 21st century, COVID, apps-filled era.Yet we believe the dating scene should be approached from a completely different angle:instead of going on dates, choose to see them as PLAY DATES, where your goal is to be yourself and fun.In this talk, Galit and I offer our top ten (somewhat surprising) practical dating tips that will help you be more yourself and more vulnerable in your (play) dates.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching your relationship every week!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
The media puts a lot of pressure on us to have wonderful, multi-orgasm, wall-socket sex.But in reality, in a committed long-term relationship, mediocre (maintenance) sex is inevitable. This causes many couples (especially men) to avoid sex and even doubt their relationship.In this talk, Galit and I unpack the truth about maintenance sex and share why it is crucial for happy relationships.Practical tips will help you enjoy mediocre sex (while still aiming for great sex).Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources every week!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Do you feel like you are more emotionally intelligent and somewhat superior in your intimacy skills than your partner?Do you feel like your partner is nagging you and never happy with the level of communication and feelings you express?If you answered yes, then you might be in the Intimacy Queen/King and Emotionally Handicapped dynamic. This dynamic hides the fact that BOTH of you are essentially avoiding mature intimacy through your specific roles. In this talk, I explain how this dynamic evolves and how to change it through examples from the clinic.Practical tips will help you soften this dynamic in your own relationship today.Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources every week!Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
For many of us yelling is a sensitive issue.We inherit from our families of origin certain beliefs and attitudes about yelling.Yet sometimes, yelling is a sublimatory expression of feelings, frustrations, or even excitement.What is the difference then? How can we distinguish and work with yelling?In this talk, Galit and I unpack this topic through examples from our marriage and the clinic.Practical tips will help you better work with yelling in your relationships. www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We say sorry all the time (or not enough) in our intimate relationships.But often we confuse between the different types of 'sorry' we use. This often leads to more conflict and stress than forgiveness and closeness.In this talk, Galit and I share the four types of Sorry we've distilled in our life together, using examples from our life.Practical tips will help you distinguish which sorry to use in different scenarios in your relationship.www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
People are different and so misunderstandings and ruptures are unavoidable. Therefore, disappointments are natural and unavoidable. Many of us avoid expressing and hearing of our partner's disappointment with us. This usually stems from a fear that disappointment leads to abandonment. Yet disappointment is actually a wonderful tool for individual and relational growth! In this talk, Galit and I unpack disappointment and why it's a crucial feeling in relationships, through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you reclaim disappointment in your relationships for deeper intimacy and growth.www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We all react to our MAP of the world and not the objective world.In NLP we say: The map is not the territory. Our map of the world is shaped by our sensory preference (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, audio-digital). Conflicts and tensions in relationships stem from differences in sensory preferences. Learning to recognize your own and other's maps of the world can help you improve your relationships. In this talk, Galit and I explain the different sensory preferences and how they affect intimate relationships, through examples from our life and the clinic. Practical examples will help you become more aware and flexible in your communication. www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
A lot of us were taught that "wanting is dangerous" therefore we develop a core belief that "ambition is dangerous" and we either avoid being ambitious or alternatively feel guilty for being ambitious.But Ambition is a healthy feeling that can help you live the life you've always wanted.In this talk, I break down ambition, and through examples from the clinic and my life, show how it can be reclaimed.Practical tips will help you reclaim ambition in your life today.www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We all get bored and judgmental in our life and our relationship.This is a natural effect of growing older.Yet it is possible to prevent these feelings.How?Curiosity.In this talk, I explain how curiosity can prevent and minimize boredom and judgment, through examples from the clinic and my life.Practical tips will help you increase your curiosity today!www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
It's natural to keep score in our intimate relationship. Yet if it's too rigid it can limit your personal and relational growth. In this talk, I explain why this happens and how to change it through examples from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips will help you soften the scorekeeping in your life, so both partners can start winning. www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
In each Eithor episode, we tackle a different core dichotomy that limits people's growth. Most of us have a core belief that we can either be playful or responsible. We inherit this core belief from our families of origin and enact it in our lives. This either/or dichotomy (What we call an EITHOR - an internal golem that limits you) hurts your ability to grow and hurts your intimate relationships. In this talk Galit (my wife) and I explore how this EITHOR manifests and how to change it. Examples are given from the clinic and our marriage. Practical tips will help you soften this Eithor in your life today. www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We all have secrets. That's natural.But what limits our growth and relationships is the shame and guilt they cause.But what can we do about it? In this talk, I share the ways in which secrets can hurt your development and prevent your intimate relationships from deepening.Examples are given from the clinic and my life.Practical tips are given how to safely diffuse secrets from the toxic effect in your life.www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
We all have a love tank. When it's empty we feel unloved, angry, lonely, and become passive-aggressive. In short, empty love tank=bad relationships.The secret to a good relationship is filling up each other's love tank.How do you do it?Firstly, you must recognize what you and your partner's love language is. Then you must learn how to speak in their love language.In this talk, Galit (my wife) and I discuss the theory of The Five Love language by Dr. Gary Chapman, using examples from the clinic and our marriage.Practical tips are given to help you learn to recognize your own love language and better fill your partner's and children's love tank.For more information on the five love languages check out: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Most of us try to avoid deep feelings of pain, anguish, and despair. Yet by blocking those dark feelings (which I call the 1-3 feelings) you are also blocking your ability to feel deep ecstasy, joy, and elation.In this talk, I explain why the key to your deep joy is in your pain, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.Practical tips will help you gently explore your pain to re-connect to profound joy.www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
"There's no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone."Do people in your life want more from you?Are they excited and invested in your development and growth?Most of us don't have a 'more' space in our lives where we are challenged to evolve and mature by the people around us.In this talk I explain why having a 'more' space in your life will help you develop beyond your comfort zone.Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips are given how to start creating a 'more' space in your relationships.www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttp://podcast.potentialstate.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uwhttps://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialStatehttps://twitter.com/assaelSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
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Podcast Details

Created by
Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.
Podcast Status
Active
Started
Jan 14th, 2019
Latest Episode
Jan 17th, 2021
Release Period
Weekly
Episodes
119
Avg. Episode Length
12 minutes
Explicit
No
Order
Episodic
Language
English

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