The Rules of Acquisition: A Star Trek Deep Space Nine Podcast

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Best Episodes of The Rules of Acquisition

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The One Where Everyone Cries. Or: Catcher in the Wormhole. What can we say? Season 4 is pretty good so far. It's Benjamin Sisko's turn to come unstuck from time, but not unstuck from Jake.  This one is all about fathers and sons.  And Tony Todd, who is amazing as old Jake. 55:20 Time for voicemail We talk more Worf from Way of the Warrior
Jem'Hadar Junkies! Hugh watched Hippocratic Oath. You won’t believe what happened next! Hugh crawford gives a 10/10 to Julian Bashir! (Enough with the clickbait) What happens when couples fight? Julian and Miles crash on a planet and their relationship is tested. Meanwhile, Worf has some moral questioning and learning of his own to do regarding "shades of gray" on DS9. 55:20- Voicemails and Emails!  Eric from PA asks a question about The Visitor that we cut from our podcast on that episode.
Bajorans, love, and Breen!Kira gets a phone call, Worf is suspicious, and then Dukat and Kira go off to look for a crashed ship and get to know one another better.  OH and Dukat needs to find someone... A sidebar for our millenial viewers explaining Victor French, Michael Landon, and Highway to Heaven Tumblr Takedown: Cardies don’t have tails Dukat’s uncomfortable justification for how the Cardassians helped Bajor. All the uncomfortable things. Dax and Bashir and the Coen Brothers? Comedic bits and camraderie  Sisko deploys his weirdness!  (50:00) Voicmails! Kate helps us with DS9 books. We talk some Nog comics. What do Eastman and Laird have to do with trek comics? Absolutely nothing. And closing it out, Twiggy calls and makes Wade further ruminate on his feeble mortality. Sometimes you’re middle aged, sometimes you’re full twelve year old. All yelling and complaints (and whatever else you want to say): 917 408 3898
Welcome Voyager’s "Richard [sic] Picardo", and Julian Bashir's parents! But Bashir… we gots opinions. Hugh’s issues do not reflect a “rejection of Gene’s vision.” He doesn’t like how it was implemented. A new kind of Special Man? “Wholeness”? A reflection on Bashir not being that great of a doctor. Bashir’s dad is a revelation. Leeta and Rom have a B plot though. Should Leeta just tell Rom how she feels and get it over with since he can’t?  Is the objectification of her in this a little… weird? James explains maybe the source of where he reads his innuendo? Bashir’s dad the chav. What are the trekonomics of getting an illegal procedure done "out of network" in a post scarcity Federation? Ohwaitaminute. Just how dumb was six year old Julian again? Have the writers never met children? How do we sit with the revelations in this episode after this watching? What about where these revelations lead? Yet again, we don't have any voicemails this week, but we will get to your calls! We want to hear from you! 917 408 3898 and support the show by telling your friends, or going to for more content!
Worf!  Season 4 starts off right.  Is the show about to get Urkel-ed? [nope]  When a bunch of Klingons show up on DS9, shenanigans are afoot. On screen and off. What's going on with Cardassia and all the characters in this "soft reboot" of the series.James Doohan is still awesome.  What 4 rules does Sisko break or bend for the Federation?Is Picard the worst captain?  The Root Beer Scene. It has a backstory! It almost didn’t happen.What was going on when this was made, and why does it feel so timely right now? We are all Worf   Voicemails, or Whatever We Call This Segment (1:15:00) A new caller asks about … The Orville Plutoburns has some preemptive thoughts on this episode
Roswell explained!It's all Ferengi, and very little Sisko in this episode where Quark, Rom, and Nog leave Deep Space Nine and go to Earth where they time travel back to the television tropes of the mid to late 20th century. Nog has a reverse bar mitzvah, giving away old Star Trek costumes, and Quark recieves a ship from his shifty cousin.  Shenanigans ensue and we get to hear some Ferengi as it is spoke. Wade wrote down a lot of Ferengi. Do we like this episode? Is it a good episode, but perhaps not to everyones tastes? 47:40 We go back to cover some a voicemail from Kristin. More about Jake Sisko, History's Greatest Monster. Oh, and maybe check out A Discovery Home Companion 917 408 3898
Did your podcast feed freak out? Here's a quick note and a call with some potential Becker spoilers...
What happened here? Just how did this episode come about?  When the widow of your vaunted creator wants to pitch a story, you let her, because you're not a jerk. Marky Mark, we have words for you. Space Vampires? Is this… Babylon 5? We talk about the craft of writing, and how it pertains to the subject and content of this episode. Masters of the Universe? Oh, yes. What good CAN we say about this episode? Is this part of a 3 episode Odo arc? Mellodrama? Oh, how bout we talk about Outlander? That’s supposed to be a good show. Is this episode about Odo and Kira at all, or is it just a plain ol’ bad episode about Odo and Lwaxana? But OH, the muse plot! We're a little distracted.  Jake likes older women. He meets one who likes to rub orange cheese out of his brain as he writes books... Oh, we have a few things to say. In Voicemails! (48:50) Stefan thinks Kurn should have killed himself.  We get political and talk about the shows we want in dark times, Tim Allen, and Reagan, and... the AIDS crisis? How did we get here? Give us a call!  917 408 3898 And support what we do at  
O'Brien is missing from Deep Space Nine, and also from most of this episode.  To find him Ezri must go home to face her family and the ... the toxic effects of capitalism? The sequel that definitely nobody asked for.    Not even the writers apparently.   What happened here?  Who is owed an apology?  Audra Come Home.  Where does this episode sit next to other season’s low points?  Is this episode actually a nuanced critique of capitalism?  Wade, your audio is going in the penalty box for that take.  Do UFP citizens live in a post capitalist society or not?  What is the Federation?  Are not all Trill Federation citizens?  Why would anyone leave it?  Is Ezri’s mom a Ron Paul fan?  Finally, in season 7 of our multi year podcast, we try to figure out what the Federation of Planets defines itself as.    Bilby? Ok, but what about this new character? Sorry O’brien.  Bobo Jessica Lang.  The Godfather?  This is a mess; all hands on deck.  James misses his friends.  What exactly is this Star Trek again?   What is its thesis?  How is our relationship with the show shifting?     Is Ezri the new Worf?    Does Miles have a thicker accent?  We get some Trill world building.  Is Ezri’s family a Bret Easton Ellis novel?  Did Ezri become the black sheep by joining?  Whoah is her brother a creep. What kind of mediocre brother is her other brother like?  People who relate to Dax’s pronoun confusion deserve better.  Imagine if Norvo were like Brenda’s brother on Six Feet Under?    Jambi!    What was the problem with Bilby’s wife? Was it worth this?    Follow your passion, or become a sad broken murderer.  Is it our fault when our brothers get turned into murderers by Capitalism?  Who doesn’t love a good matte painting?   Make it happen Wes Anderson!    Has there ever been a good Orion Syndicate episode in all of Trek?  How might that work?    Apologies again for Wade's poor audio on this one Let us know what you think! 917 408 3898
Bryan Fuller makes his Star Trek debut. With a riff on the Agatha Christie novel And Then There Were None, previously titled Ten Little Indians, previously titled something even more Problematic Kira's friends are being murdered, but by who?“The Prophets will take care of him”… Will they?Worf is brings the light fun to the episode for once. He knows many things.Where’s Shakaar while folks from the Shakaar resistance are being killed?Sisko ain’t got patience for Worf.Just how much technical know how does it take to press shirts for Cardassia?Silence of the Lamb-ing was very fashionable at the time. Are these the best of the doldrums of any season of DS9 to date? Voicemails (43:30) Stefan calls to tell us about an episode near universally derided bye everyone but Hugh and James, and Wade has to reiterate just why he thinks that Worf scene on Risa was so bad. Have your own Risa or Worf opinions? Give us a call! 917 408 3898 and if you want to support the show and hear our thoughts on other scifi and television, check out the Kickers of Elves patreon
Submarine fight! Farmer Hogget! -er Hanok.  It's a "routine trip" to the gamma quadrant, and we get reminded that it's a dangerous place when the warned of Jem'Hadar finally shows up.  James Cromwell guest stars in a bunch of makeup! It's a pretty good by the books Star Trek episode. The Defiant is under attack, and everybody from DS9 gets paired with a buddy to work on his or her character beats. Voicemail 51:30@BuckyWTGoodHair calls and talks "Worf NO" and "Hippocratic Oath" Give us a call at 917 408 3898 and have your voice heard!
Shaka shaka. Back to Bajor business. Kai Ratched wants grains and Kira's friends just want to farm. With some soil reclamators. But one thing leads to another and suddenly she's off DS9 and fighting an actor from The Wire in the hollywood hills... We get political with Kai Winn/Trump. In the B plot... Stuff happens to O'Brien. Not a lot of stakes... local colour? Hugh can fix it! But hey, we actually liked this Star Trek episode! And somehow for all the joy we get out of saying "Shakaar" we never make a "When the walls fell" reference. And we're sorry. 43:37 Throw Us Your Goo? A call from Tom has us talking diversity and representation. A call from Eric has us still trying to figure out Ferengi. Let us know what you think! 917 408 3898
How do you fix a character like Maria?? Well, you make her a good character but don't make her try to impress anybody. But OH WAIT. We're talking Dax here. Not West Side Story. This is actually a good episode. LISTEN! (Was somebody drunk when they posted this description?)
Shipping Garak & Bashir! Continuing our coverage of back to back "very special episodes!" Finally we learn more of Garak's backstory? Or do we? Garak has a medical issue and Julian just can't quit him! We get discuss 3 different stories Garak tells, Odo's authoritarian leanings, and the logistics of surprise trips to Cardassian territory; Just what kind of bad-assery strains one's credulity of the Obsidian Order? Get ready for some co-host disagreements this week, and to come!
Julian gets possessed by the ghost of Hannibal Lector doing a bad Bela Lugosi impersonation. Maybe? Hugh tries to do a voice in this episode, and regrets it four years later in the "remix" portion of this episode.  Also: Some background on Technobabble There's gotta be a reason for what happened in the episode we talk about. Just how are we supposed to feel about that character, anyway? And we introduce "Angry Nerd Corner" (Wait, that's this whole show, right?) Go check out Hello Cruel World by the Tall Dwarfs... for no reason.
Things get Real. The show we love really begins! Not that we didn’t love [some] of what came before, but if you’re a long time DS9 fan you know what we’re talking about, and if you’re new to the show or watching along with us… GET EXCITED. What big info about Captain Mike Pence does Wade insist James hold back from the beginning of the podcast? A terribly obscure hint lies in the first episode of this season! We explore how this seemingly typical, pedestrian Star Trek episode pulls the rug out from under you to become a different sort of Star Trek in Deep Space Nine 25 min: pause to deal with some of Wade’s issues Min 26 or so: We give James a hard time. 36: Wade comes clean about a wrongful death from 20 years ago Another murderer… Nerds in 1994: WHAT DID THEY DO TO THE ENTERPRISE? Lot’s of weird turns in this episode…
Check out the first episode of the newest pod from Kickers of Elves. Except with Replacements for James and Hugh. Is Star Trek Picard a good show? Hack trope garbage built to mine IP?  Some sort of quantum form existing in both states at once?   Check out new episodes as Picard airs in its own feed alongside A Discovery Home Companion. http://discoveryhomecompanion.libsyn.com  
Proximity Alert. Unidentified podcast approaching. We vent the warp core and release an extra episode with a few voicemails we couldn't fit into the regular podcast Dryvetyme's first call: We talk goofiness, “camp” and what can be found to redeem otherwise awful Star Trek episodes? Austin from Chicago from Brooklyn comments on our language, among a few other things, and we discuss how we feel about potentially offending anyone and making ourselves uncomfortable. And finally Kristen from Toronto calls with a couple of observations, two questions, a compliment, and a recommendation; setting us down an extra long discussion that includes: The Not So Secret Origin of The Rules of Acquisition Podcast! Getting kids into Star Trek: Is it even possible? Cronenberg, the Expanse, and what we want from our fiction. Literary talk about masterpieces written by young people. Do they exist? You too could be in further episodes of the podcast. Give us a call! 917 408 3989
No time for ridicule, this is A Very Special Episode! Kira duets with a Cardassian, and three white guys from the bible belt get uncomfortable talking about the Holocaust. From post Cold War relations to The Man in the Glass Booth, Adolf Eichmann, and the Banality of Evil; how can art, and specifically science fiction, best approach some of these prickly topics? Lot's to talk about, and we might not fully cover every controversial subject, including AIDS, without being interrupted by the end... Art's tricky man, I dunno.
Stardate 47634.44: Wade spent the weekend at Star Trek: Mission New York, and fills in some details for those in Missouri, or other parts remote. We clarify our mispronunciations Panels: The DS9 cast reunion, Robocop and Bruce Greenwood, an Enterprise panel of bros, and Kate Mulgrew giving Brannon Braga the business. Wade's most awkward celebrity encounter. And finally we end with an extended discussion of what might be gleaned relating to Star Trek Discovery.
Tekeny Ghemor shows up again [who?] and Kira goes through some feels. Dad's real and fake die. James and Hugh have some serious trouble getting on board for this story. He’s not really her dad! Cardassians are like bulldogs when it comes to syndromes. Ol’ One Arm makes an appearance in the good ol’ cave set. WEYOUN! And Dominion corporate culture. Does Dukat dodge the mug? Is the dress blue or yellow? Hugh hates scenes where they explain the protagonist’s feelings to them. Elder abuse! How fun would this episode be if it were all Weyoun? James and Hugh have some ideas on what would make this episode better. Is this episode still stuck in an episodic mindset even if it’s kind of a sequel to Second Skin? Is this episode a transitional fossil from previous eras of television? Who can get us Wallace Shawn before Chapo Trap House does?  Gird your lobes for next week! Give us a call and let us know what you think about alien boner jams or anything DS9 917 847 5682 and if you want to hear our non Deep Space Nine or Star Trek thoughts, think about donating to the kickers of elves patreon Or help us out the best way you can, by sharing the show with your friends or mail carriers
Hugh talks Colm Meaney on leprechauns and nerds out on some baseball statistics. More like "If Wishes Were Horses#!t." Yes, after last week's praise, we're back into the gutter! Obrien meets WHATISCERTAINLYNOTALEPRECHAUN. Nope, it's just another Alien of the Week. As Peter Dinklage said in Living in Oblivion: "Want to make it weird? Oh, put a dwarf in it." So we get "the Man from Another Place" himself, Michael J Anderson as a guest star. We talk about that, some other things, the Julian Problem, and the one good thing to stick around from this episode: Sisko's baseball. Not mentioned, but for new Star Trek commentary, check out Can't Picardly Wait
Terok Nor? More like Terok NOIRE! How did Odo go from doing the “Cardassian Neck Trick” in parlours to being a constable on board a Bajoran space station? A flashback episode will answer that. Kira is pretty great. We spend a lot of this episode gushing over how we think Peter Allan Field is the best thing to happen to Star Trek Deep Space Nine. But is there something missing from this episode?
Whilst Julian and Garak flirt at the replimat, a Cardassian boy boards DS9, bites Garak, and sets off a story wherein we actually start to appreciate the character of Julian Bashir. Not nearly as much as we enjoy Garak or Dukat, however. Race issues! Down to a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner scene. This is perhaps the best episode that we've watched since Duet. Also: Why do we love these space nazis so much? Our racist grandpas. Trans-Racialism James has more fodder for his anti Ira Behr libel; we go against the grain of your typical DS9 fan, and praise Gene Roddenberry.
Another space day. Another space possession. Or not. Another space virus; this one turns people into paranoid jerks. We dissect this episode it and try to fix it as best we can. Some may like it more than we do... James has things to say about Ira Behr. Wade can't remember Rudy Ray Moore's name, but this episode is not about that. Sadly. Looking back, James talks about the podcast as a romantic relationship, and the problems and irritations that arise therein.
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Podcast Details

Feb 8th, 2016
Latest Episode
Mar 24th, 2020
Release Period
No. of Episodes
Avg. Episode Length
About 1 hour
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