Gary McFarlane
The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction PodcastEpisodes
Episodes of The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast
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What is Man-ness?There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells us a man should be. Trying to fit what we are really not, is hard work. At some p
Root causes of negative impact on the brain, to cause it to gravitate to self-soothing behaviours?What do you think were the issues which caused your brain to gravitate to self-soothing from those negative impactful behaviours, during those ear
Is porn bad or inherently bad for the brain?I don’t want to be seen as moralising about anyone’s personal values, ethics, standards or morals. What we do know is that experiments demonstrate that porn viewing can do permanent damage to the brai
This Insecure Attachment thing, has a lot to answer…..Stuff set up in childhood development, has its tentacles in how we are doing our adult lives and relationships. Picture the image of a “Russian Doll”; the layers of the Russian Doll has the
Don't think about having truly achieved sobriety until one year from the last acting out.“A bit arbitrary Gary. Rather too long, don’t you think?” My reply is that the compulsive and addiction behaviours usually have a few decades start on you.
Getting help is not a sign of weakness.Repeated Negative patterns of behaviours, give a glimpse of a problem. I take me into the relationship and is me being me, doing life how I do life – “What’s the problem?”; the problem must be you.There is
You are not weaker and less robust than others. It is a lie.The behaviours are all about managing emotions, in response to issues in the past - still operating the same way in the present. Once repeat behaviours set in, you are on the hamster w
Seriously!!The highest download of porn during the day is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. (Let me spell it out -- OFFICE HOURS!)“That’s crazy!” Not so crazy for some. The brain has decided that the “Feeling-state” that it gets from the behavi
More about this thing called “Love Addiction”. What is it? What it is not.“Push you Pull me” is at work. “I want you, I love you…..but you're getting too close; you might finish with me, so I am getting jittery and so I am going to push you awa
Defining the difference between Sex addiction & Love addiction:Love addiction is all about trying to getting attention and a sense of feeling wanted, even if the attention is being paid for – since any attention is better than no attention. It
Enough now - of this science stuff! Ok then, this is the last one - for now.Delayed childbearing and fewer pregnancies raise the risk of developing breast cancer in women. We are seeing 100% increase in the rates of breast cancer right now. Muc
Let's focus on women - in this Episode: What females need to know about themselves: Early sexual arousal rate will influence later addiction to porn. Females are more vulnerable to succumbing to sex addiction where they experienced frequent sex
Got to admit, this science stuff is interesting - if it is true!There are three areas in the male brain that is over twice the size of the female brain:1) The area that contributes to men having a roving eye and scanning the terrain for females
A lot of compact info in this episode. I think my post bag is going to be very full this week with comments about.......!Remember, don't shoot the messenger.Men see promiscuity in a female as a deal breaker when seeking a life-long partner. If
In all your getting, get understanding. What you can better understand, you have then moved it from the unconscious into the conscious. From the unseen, into the seen. Now you get a chance to go after it and effect change. It can never be the s
Oh - yuk! Must we?Well - not preaching to you, but knowing the science done by some very clever people, will help you. Remember what this thing called Therapy is about - certainly Therapy from The Kairos Centre; all about moving as much from th
You need to keep your guards up. The stuff (which is now in your past), will keep trying to trip you up. You need to apply effort in order to maintain the hard earned and carved out gains; but gains there are; very tangible; very real.You did i
One such tool - is your Support Structure of people that you can call upon when triggered and the going is tough on a particular day - to get you through that day. Who is in your Inner circle of three close support contacts?Don't go it alone. D
When all else fails; when all the tools have not helped; when you're triggered and battling the near eleventh hour; when you are about to act out. You know it; it seems inevitable; deja vu. You have been hear before; oh so many, many times. So
Know you, know self, know your brain. It is not always your bestest bestest bff. It often is working against what is good for you, at the behest of what it perceives as being right for you - in the moment. But not all your senses have been cons
You have heard me repeatedly rabbit on with this mantra haven't you? What you do not understand, you have no hope of influencing; no hope of changing or even embark upon the change process - (and change is a process from A to Z).Why? Because th
We will say that Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is set up in one of three ways - Opportunity, Attachment issues and/or Trauma. Trauma is not necessarily limited to big events that happen in a war zone.It is also the impact on a seven years old, whose
We can't change what we cannot see and do not understand. This is me doing life how I do life. What's the problem? There is no problem (to us), if there is no problem.But the truth is, we know some things are not working right in life, but we d
Managing triggers is just one aspect of the recovery process. Not unique to sex/porn/love addiction; it manifests in many other trauma areas, such as childhood sexual abuse that keeps on keeping on being triggered in adulthood.How did the trigg
The cave man instinct to protect us from the mammoths & sabertooth cats is alive and kicking in our 21st Century way of doing life, as it played out back then. The dangers have changed, but nonetheless, the brain (our cognition) convinces us o
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