Ameri-come one and all, to the rootinest tootinest Story this here Story mouth ever done Storied. You better bet your ASS that Tim Allen pops up in this wild hogride. That’s just what happens when you AMERICA.

Heartfelt SentimentsAn Unwelcome GuestLiturgical Reading: “And America Makes Two!”A Welcome Guest

Tuck your hand between your pits, clamp down, and tug. That’s how you salute THE STORY.

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*or non-Americans. If you got cheddar, we ain’t stoppin’ no one, nuh uh