On the first Episode Sandra recounts what she can remember from her early childhood. Growing up in the 50s as a tomboy in Idaho, before knowing what it was to be a lesbian. Being bullied, fighting back, and discovering an escape through theat

Episode Two - Carhop & California

Jan 8th, 2019 25m 5s

On the second Episode Sandra takes us from her childhood into her early adulthood. She explains how she became a convert into the Mormon religion and how she was ostracized because her parents drank coffee and her dad smoked cigarettes. She c

Episode Three - The Anti Gay Saints

Jan 8th, 2019 25m 5s

On Episode Three Sandra explains to her son how she was lured into the LDS church. Then we learn more about the long history of intolerance from the leaders of the Mormon church. And finally, she describes the nightmare that was her conversio

Episode Four - Mr. Smiles

Jan 8th, 2019 30m 23s

On Episode four Sandra’s son finds out how she met his father, “Mr. Smiles,” and what events led up to them getting married. We learn about the red flags she ignored and we hear the nightmarish details of his abuse beginning to unfold.

Episode Five - A Man of God

Jan 8th, 2019 28m 57s

On Episode Five Sandra has the shattering realization that she did not marry a Man of God. The abuse continues to escalate and she finds herself having another child with Mr. Smiles. Then Sandra and her son discuss what goes on inside the min

Episode Six - Now Begins the War

Jan 8th, 2019 27m 8s

The pressure cooker is about to blow. On Episode Six, Sandra and her son painfully recount the horrible events that led up to Sandra’s breaking point. When, completely shattered, she somehow finds strength from within to put an end to the mar

Episode Seven - The Ammunition

Jan 8th, 2019 24m 6s

All hell breaks loose when Sandra divorces Neal. On the Seventh Episode, Sandra recounts the vicious tactics employed by Mr. Smiles. In a state where the legislation is intertwined with Mormonism and, at the time, very intolerant toward homos

Episode Eight - Into Being

Jan 8th, 2019 27m 56s

A thousand miles away from Mr. Smiles, Sandra can finally begin to heal. On Episode 8, she discusses her spiritual journey, being in a lesbian relationship, and building a new life in Los Angeles. It takes several years, but she finally heals

Episode Nine - You're Valued, Be Who You Are

Jan 8th, 2019 13m 3s

On the final Episode, Sandra’s son asks her what advice she might have for people caught in abusive relationships or LGBTQ people confined to conservative communities. Finally, we thank all of our listeners and fellow podcasters and give shout

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