0:01

Hi, I'm Jason Ramsden

0:01

and I believe we can all work on

0:03

leading a more positive and

0:03

intentional life. And this show

0:06

details my journey by sharing my

0:06

learning stories and

0:09

conversations with guests. If

0:09

you want to lead a more

0:12

intentional life, focus on being

0:12

the best you possible. Please

0:15

subscribe today. Now, let's get

0:15

into today's episode.

0:20

We're talking progress, not

0:20

perfection today. And today's

0:24

topic came about because I'm a

0:24

big believer, when you hear

0:28

something multiple times, you

0:28

probably should listen big

0:32

believer in that the universe

0:32

delivers to us what we need to

0:36

hear when we need to hear it.

0:36

And we don't always pay

0:38

attention to that. And I know

0:38

there's probably some of you out

0:41

there who may be listening, that

0:41

aren't big believers in what the

0:44

universe can and cannot do for

0:44

us, or how it works in our

0:48

lives. And that's okay, keep

0:48

listening. This is a good

0:51

episode for you to fall into

0:51

here about progress and not

0:55

perfection. And I say that

0:55

because for me, this topic has

1:00

come up multiple times in the

1:00

last week alone. One of the

1:04

coaches on peloton app that I

1:04

use has mentioned it my own

1:10

coach that I work with has

1:10

mentioned it, I heard it on a

1:13

podcast. I also have shared it

1:13

with my own clients in my

1:19

coaching practice recently,

1:19

because I think it has some

1:23

merit to it. So what is it? What

1:23

is progress, not perfection. So

1:29

first and foremost, you need to

1:29

know, I'm a recovering

1:31

perfectionist. And by recovering

1:31

I mean, I still strive for

1:35

perfection in the things that I

1:35

do. And sometimes that holds me

1:39

back from moving forward. I'm

1:39

also involved right now in a

1:44

coaching program, where I'm

1:44

learning more about coaching,

1:48

and I have a cohort of people.

1:48

And I think for the majority of

1:52

the folks that are going through

1:52

this cohort with me, we also

1:55

struggle with perfectionism. A

1:55

lot of us have tasks that we

1:59

need to accomplish. And we are

1:59

struggling with shipping,

2:04

actually putting it out the door

2:04

so that it's ready to go. And

2:08

while I find comfort in that,

2:08

it's also troubling, because I'm

2:12

just like everybody else in this

2:12

regard, and I imagine you are as

2:15

well. So I want to start today's

2:15

episode with a quote, it comes

2:20

from a book called quitter,

2:20

closing the gap between your day

2:24

job and your dream job by Jon

2:24

Acuff. And the quote says 90%

2:30

perfect and shared with the

2:30

world always changes more lives

2:35

than 100% perfect and stuck in

2:35

your head, or stuck behind a

2:41

paywall or stuck in private

2:41

because you haven't clicked

2:44

published or stuck because you

2:44

haven't posted it on Instagram,

2:48

we're stuck because it's sitting

2:48

in your drafts, or stuck because

2:52

it is just stuck. And now when

2:52

even say 75% perfect and shared

2:59

with the world could actually

2:59

change somebody's life. Forget

3:03

about the 90% the more that we

3:03

think about something, the more

3:07

that we keep it to ourselves,

3:07

the more that we are separate on

3:12

it, thinking that it has to be

3:12

perfect before it ships, Jeff

3:16

Gordon's a big person who talks

3:16

about shipping your work and

3:19

getting it out the door. But the

3:19

more that we hold it back, we're

3:23

not helping anybody. If your

3:23

goal is to do that, if your goal

3:26

is to change some of these life,

3:26

to offer advice, or even get

3:31

stuff done around your house or

3:31

at your work or with projects

3:36

with your, with your spouse, or

3:36

your partner, perfectionism

3:39

inevitably will hold you back,

3:39

it'll hold you back from

3:43

accomplishing your goals and

3:43

your dreams. And there's a

3:45

couple of things that come to

3:45

mind here, right. So if you're

3:48

stuck in this loop of

3:48

perfectionism, where you can't

3:51

get stuff shipped and out the

3:51

door and to whomever it may be

3:55

in your life, the endless

3:55

tweaking your your non stop

3:58

tweaking, tweaking, tweaking

3:58

whatever it is that you're

4:00

trying to finish, whatever the

4:00

task may be. And if you're just

4:04

tweaking what happens there is

4:04

that's just, that's just comes

4:09

part of being a procrastinator

4:09

and also, probably more

4:14

importantly, the fear of being

4:14

judged. And you know what,

4:18

that's okay. We all have that

4:18

fear in our life. We all are

4:21

afraid to put something out

4:21

there that's not polished that's

4:24

not complete, that's not

4:24

finished in our eyes, because we

4:28

feel like somebody is going to

4:28

say to us, that wasn't good

4:32

enough. And the truth is,

4:32

nobody's paying that close of

4:35

attention. They're not. And if

4:35

you're doing work for other

4:39

people, and you are trying to

4:39

get things out the door, the

4:43

most important part is to do the

4:43

task and get the job done. And

4:47

I'm not saying that you should

4:47

do bad work, or crappy work, or

4:51

less than good work, but don't

4:51

let perfectionism be the enemy

4:56

of good enough and I can tell

4:56

you for myself

5:00

I'm struggling with this right

5:00

now. Big time, big time. And the

5:04

reason I am is, as you know, I

5:04

am getting ready to launch a

5:09

coaching practice, I'm starting

5:09

to work with with clients, I

5:12

don't have a website put up just

5:12

yet. And the reason that I don't

5:15

have it put up is because I'm

5:15

nonstop tweaking and tweaking

5:20

the way the navigation works.

5:20

I'm tweaking the look and feel

5:22

of the pictures, I'm tweaking

5:22

the content. And the truth is

5:26

not having it up, is not helping

5:26

anybody. It's not helping me

5:30

gain clients. It's not helping

5:30

me, let people know that that's

5:34

what I'm doing now that I'm

5:34

moving on from my current

5:36

position, my current work, and

5:36

it's definitely not giving

5:39

people the opportunity to reach

5:39

out and work with me. And I

5:42

would imagine, the same is true

5:42

of you may not be a website, it

5:46

may be something else. It may be

5:46

you love to paint, and you do it

5:50

for yourself. But you don't post

5:50

it, and you don't put it out

5:54

there online. I think it's

5:54

important that if you're if

5:57

you're a creative in a way, and

5:57

you want to share it with the

5:59

world, do that find that find a

5:59

place to be able to do that. It

6:03

may be that you're working on a

6:03

project at work, and you're

6:06

trying to make sure that it the

6:06

slideshow looks good that the

6:10

information is there. And you

6:10

probably if you're working on

6:14

that right now, or you have been

6:14

this past week, you're probably

6:17

tweaking with the colors and the

6:17

font, rather than the contents

6:21

of what you need to deliver to

6:21

the person on the other end. And

6:24

I get it, I'm in that spot

6:24

myself. So what I've started to

6:28

do is take a few more risks be a

6:28

little bit more open. For

6:32

instance, you know, I don't have

6:32

to have a polished script, and

6:37

polished content. When I post on

6:37

social media, I'm starting to do

6:41

that. If you follow me on

6:41

Instagram over at positively

6:44

underscore Jay, I do a daily

6:44

brain dump of my meditation in

6:48

the morning and my reflection.

6:48

And I just go with it, I go with

6:52

it. I don't spend a lot of time

6:52

tweaking it. And looking at it

6:56

and perseverating over it. I

6:56

just publish, I publish I spend

7:00

maybe 10 minutes getting my

7:00

thoughts down. Then I go about

7:04

doing the tags and the in the

7:04

hashtags and all that and then

7:06

just let it go. And you know

7:06

what people aren't hopping on

7:10

and telling me that it's not

7:10

good, that it's crap. No, they

7:14

appreciate that. I'm out there

7:14

putting myself out there. And I

7:17

share that with you so that

7:17

maybe perhaps it'll give you the

7:23

focus the energy to drive

7:23

whatever it may be, to actually

7:27

do the same thing. Don't hold

7:27

back. If you are trying to get

7:32

your work out into the world, go

7:32

ahead and publish hit the

7:36

publish button, or the send

7:36

button or whatever it may be.

7:39

Again, I'm not saying that you should put something out there that's, that's not quality.

7:41

Okay, that's not quality because

7:47

quality is important. But

7:47

there's no such thing as

7:50

perfect. So how do we go about

7:50

removing the barriers to

7:54

perfectionism in our lives? Now

7:54

before I do that I want to share

7:58

with you a Instagram post I came

7:58

across it's by Connie on as

8:04

wellness. If you don't know

8:04

Connie go check her out. Again

8:07

Kati on as wellness posted in

8:07

the show notes as well so you

8:11

can check her out. She is a

8:11

wellness and anxiety coach. But

8:16

she recently posted on topic

8:16

about perfectionism. And I want

8:19

to share it with you to kind of

8:19

set the stage Kenny says my

8:23

perfectionism, the tool that

8:23

brought me so much success and

8:27

the boulder that held me back

8:27

for most of my life. This love

8:31

hate relationship I have with my

8:31

perfectionism is the reason why

8:35

it took me so long to admit that

8:35

I needed addressing how could

8:40

something that was bad yield

8:40

such positive results at times?

8:44

Was it my perfectionism what

8:44

gave me such attention to

8:47

detail? Should I thank my

8:47

perfectionism for the quality of

8:51

work that I put out isn't my

8:51

perfectionism what keeps me

8:54

motivated and focused. And the

8:54

truth is the perfectionism made

8:58

Connie, miserable. And what

8:58

changed is she began to invest

9:03

in herself, she began to fill

9:03

her cup up first, she began to

9:08

do things that brought her joy.

9:08

And she began to release the

9:12

grasp on perfectionism in our

9:12

life has been changed for the

9:16

better. And I share that with

9:16

you because I want you to

9:20

understand that we're not alone.

9:20

It's not just me talking about

9:24

perfectionism here and being a

9:24

recovering perfectionist. It's

9:27

other people like Connie and

9:27

others out there that have the

9:30

same concept. And I think

9:30

there's some tips and tricks

9:34

that can help us move forward

9:34

with trying to be less of a

9:38

perfectionist and actually ship

9:38

our work and be better at what

9:41

we're trying to accomplish in

9:41

our lives. So we'll get into

9:44

that in just a second. So hold

9:44

tight, and we'll be right back.

9:51

Welcome back, to make any

9:51

progress in your perfectionism

9:54

and in your thinking while we

9:54

were taking that short break,

9:58

hopefully so hopefully it is put your mind mind to work. Hopefully it has

10:00

put your mind to spinning about

10:03

how you might go through having

10:03

a different mindset around being

10:08

a perfectionist. So in doing a

10:08

little bit of research for

10:12

today's show, I came across a

10:12

website of Marie Forleo. And I

10:18

had not heard of Marie before.

10:18

And it's odd that I haven't she

10:23

has an amazing site with lots of

10:23

great content. But one of the

10:27

things she's put up here is

10:27

about progress, not perfection,

10:31

I want to share with you some of

10:31

the tips that she shared here,

10:36

because I think they're an

10:36

amazing way for us to kind of

10:40

frame the rest of today's show.

10:40

So here we go. Tip number one is

10:44

prioritize important work over

10:44

urgent work. Tip number two, be

10:49

willing to start small and

10:49

sucky. Tip number three, train

10:54

your brain for progress. Tip

10:54

number four, reset to focus your

10:59

energy. Tip five, start before

10:59

you're ready.

11:04

And finally, just a gentle

11:04

reminder, if you wait to get it

11:07

perfect, you'll never get it

11:07

done. So let's dive into each of

11:10

those particular tips right now.

11:10

Alright, so back to number one

11:15

prioritize important over urgent

11:15

work. And you're probably saying

11:19

to yourself, hey, everything is

11:19

urgent work. There's no such

11:23

thing as uninjured work, and my

11:23

job. And I get that you're

11:26

saying yourself? So much of my

11:26

work, I'm so busy with things

11:29

that have to get done.

11:29

housework, schoolwork, work,

11:35

work, emails, anybody feel like

11:35

you can't get out from

11:40

underneath your emails? But is

11:40

that work that you have to do?

11:44

Is that work you need to do? Is

11:44

it work that you want to do? Is

11:48

it urgent work. And think as

11:48

well, you know, sometimes you'll

11:51

sit down at your job and say,

11:51

you know, I need to carve out

11:55

time time to do this time to

11:55

work on my emails, I need to

11:59

carve out time to clean the

11:59

house, I need to carve out time

12:01

to do whatever tasks that you

12:01

think are urgent. And the truth

12:06

is you can fill your entire day

12:06

with a to do list. And it'll

12:10

never get done. There's always

12:10

something else to be done. And

12:13

the truth is, you'll never find

12:13

these magical, if you will,

12:19

pockets of time to get things

12:19

done. I was I was working with a

12:22

client the other day. And during

12:22

the course of our conversation,

12:26

they said, Well, I just need to

12:26

find a day, an eight hour day,

12:30

maybe I'll have to take leave

12:30

from work to get these things

12:33

done. And through the course of

12:33

our conversation, we got to a

12:38

point where I helped them

12:38

realize that it's not about

12:42

eight hours, you have to chunk

12:42

it, you have to chunk that time

12:45

down, all the way down to you

12:45

can you write a simple task

12:50

down, that you can complete in

12:50

15 minutes. And that's all you

12:54

need to do that day. And make

12:54

sure it's not an urgent task of

12:58

someone else, make sure it's an

12:58

important task to you. I'm going

13:02

to say that again, make sure

13:02

it's not an urgent task for

13:06

someone else. But that it's an

13:06

important task for you to get

13:10

done to make progress in your

13:10

own life in your own work. So

13:14

how do you recognize the

13:14

difference between urgent and

13:16

important work? urgent work

13:16

usually comes in the form of a

13:19

notification on your phone, on

13:19

your desktop or on your laptop?

13:23

Because you have notifications

13:23

turned on? You think they're

13:25

important, but they're not. Is

13:25

that Facebook message important?

13:30

Is that tweet important? Is that

13:30

text message important is that

13:33

email that has just come in

13:33

important? Probably not. If you

13:38

go back and look at them, most

13:38

of them are not important to

13:41

what you need to accomplish in

13:41

your day right then and there.

13:44

And the more that you hop on the

13:44

bandwagon, or the more that you

13:47

are a slave to your

13:47

notifications as they pop up.

13:52

The more you respond to people

13:52

quickly, they'll expect a quick

13:57

answer from you. So make sure

13:57

you set some ground rules for

14:01

yourself. Turn off the

14:01

notifications, set it in your

14:04

calendar to check whatever it

14:04

may be that you have to check

14:08

your emails, your messages, your

14:08

texts, your voicemails at

14:12

certain intervals throughout the

14:12

day. release yourself from the

14:17

calling of the notifications on

14:17

your phone or your desktop. And

14:20

just remember, urgent work gets

14:20

done because it's urgent. It

14:26

just doesn't have to be done

14:26

right then in there.

14:29

What happens when you focus on

14:29

urgent work, important work for

14:33

you. And the work that you're

14:33

doing gets put off. Now number

14:38

two, be willing to start small

14:38

and sucky. What I interpret that

14:44

to mean from Marie Forleo is

14:44

that you're not going to get

14:48

things right right out the gate. We recently got a peloton bike.

14:51

I've done two rides so far got

14:56

here earlier this week. Am I going to be top of the

14:58

leaderboard? No, a I'm out of shape. I've

15:00

been working towards that. But

15:04

I'm not in bike shape, it's

15:04

gonna take time for my body to

15:07

acclimate, I need to take it

15:07

slow, I need to make progress

15:12

and not have to be perfect or

15:12

expect that I'll be perfect. And

15:15

the truth is, I'm 50 Plus, I'm

15:15

probably never going to be a top

15:19

of the leaderboard. And that's

15:19

okay. But if I'm making progress

15:22

in individual goals, where my

15:22

output increases, or the number

15:28

of laps that I do in a 20 minute

15:28

session, or a 30 minute session

15:32

is more, I'm making progress.

15:32

And that's the more important

15:36

part. And you need to look at

15:36

that the same way, like whatever

15:40

you're working on progress, even

15:40

15 minute chunks, baby steps,

15:44

tiny steps moving forward is

15:44

more important than trying to

15:48

envision a perfect product at

15:48

the end of whatever it is that

15:51

you're working on. Alright,

15:51

number three was train your

15:54

brain for progress. And how do

15:54

you do that? How do you sit down

15:58

and say, Okay, here, I'm going

15:58

to train my brain? Well, first

16:00

of all, think about when you

16:00

have the most energy when you in

16:05

your day feel like you can make

16:05

the most progress at any given

16:10

time. And typically, that

16:10

happens in the morning, we our

16:13

brain is full of capacity. And

16:13

throughout the day, that

16:17

capacity dissipates, and

16:17

probably more. So now that a lot

16:20

of us spend a lot of time on

16:20

zoom, we get to the end of the

16:23

day. And the capacity for our

16:23

brains to function in in a good

16:27

way or a creative way is almost

16:27

gone. So if there's something

16:31

that you have to work on,

16:31

project, something creative,

16:35

something that is going to take

16:35

your full focus, do it first

16:39

thing in the morning. And while

16:39

you're doing that creative work

16:41

or being that focus work in the

16:41

morning, turn your phone off,

16:45

turn the notifications off, shut

16:45

everything down. So that you can

16:49

focus and use, the best part of

16:49

the day when your brain is is at

16:53

its peak to do your best work,

16:53

you can save the urgent emails

16:57

and texts and notifications for

16:57

after lunch. Trust me, things

17:01

will still get done, you'll

17:01

still manage your day, and the

17:05

urgent task will still get done

17:05

in the time that they need to

17:08

get done. But uh, number four

17:08

was reset, to focus your energy.

17:13

And I love that Marie actually

17:13

breaks the reset down into five

17:17

specific things that you can do

17:17

to reset your energy.

17:22

Those are one our review your

17:22

day. And she says make sure you

17:26

plan breaks in advance. So get

17:26

something on your calendar,

17:30

guess what, if it's on your

17:30

calendar, it exists. If it's not

17:33

on your calendar, it doesn't

17:33

exist. I know this is huge for

17:36

me. If something doesn't get put on

17:37

my calendar and meeting, a

17:40

conversation, a task, something

17:40

that I need to do somebody I

17:44

need to touch base with

17:44

something that my wife asked me

17:49

to do, or something my boss

17:49

asked me to do or something

17:52

somebody asked me to do at work.

17:52

If it doesn't exist on a

17:55

calendar in a slot doesn't exist, it's probably not

17:58

going to get done without a

18:00

reminder from those people. And

18:00

the other thing along those

18:05

lines, Is that why you're

18:05

setting things on your calendar,

18:08

make sure you block time for

18:08

yourself to refocus. Say I'm

18:12

going to work for 90 minutes on

18:12

this particular task. First

18:14

thing in the morning, great

18:14

block of five to 10 minute break

18:19

when you're done. So and then

18:19

block your time out to do the

18:21

next part of the project. The

18:21

more you start to chunk your day

18:24

into manageable minutes, and

18:24

things that you know you're

18:27

going to work on. I think the

18:27

more success you'll have. The

18:31

Aeon reset is easy to remember,

18:31

if you put it on your calendar,

18:34

you set an alarm triggers your

18:34

mind. Okay, It's break time, I

18:40

once heard about somebody who

18:40

was writing chapters for a book.

18:44

And they said they're going to

18:44

spend basically 90 minutes doing

18:48

it, they're going to work for 42

18:48

minutes, they would set an

18:52

alarm, take an eight minute break. They would work for 42 minutes,

18:56

set another alarm and take a

18:59

break for eight minutes. And

18:59

then they would move on to their

19:02

next task for the day. And if

19:02

you're writing a book, or

19:06

managing tasks in that way, I

19:06

think is brilliant. You folk who

19:11

you can focus for 42 minutes,

19:11

even I can focus for 42 minutes,

19:15

as long as there's a break

19:15

coming, and then a reset the

19:19

acid reset step away from your

19:19

screens. And that goes back to

19:24

the point about notifications.

19:24

But definitely no email, no web

19:28

serving. Close all your tabs

19:28

only have open what you need to

19:31

have to work on that particular

19:31

project. save those other tasks

19:36

for when you have your five or

19:36

10 minute break in between your

19:41

focus tasks. And why does this

19:41

help? Well, if you spend all

19:45

your time on screens and

19:45

flipping your mind is going to

19:48

want to say Don't forget you got

19:48

to check this tab. Oop Don't

19:51

forget to check that tab. Oh,

19:51

and as a reminder, you got 10

19:54

tabs open over here you need to

19:54

pay attention to the more you

19:58

cut those off, the better. You'll be And not being distracted while

20:00

you're focusing on your main

20:03

task. The second Ian rest

20:03

exercise, I love that she uses

20:07

that phrase exercise. And what

20:07

it means is exercise and

20:10

hydrate, drink water, go for a

20:10

walk, get up and get out, move

20:14

around, get your body going,

20:14

whatever it may be a walk a

20:18

dance, jumping jacks, even to go

20:18

around the house, across the

20:23

street, across the campus at

20:23

school, whatever it is, take the

20:28

time to do it. And then the tea

20:28

in reset is to back in, you're

20:32

done. With all of that you've

20:32

taken your break, it's time for

20:35

the next task, shut everything

20:35

down, except what you need to

20:38

focus on for this next segment

20:38

of time. And focus and move

20:43

forward. And then finally,

20:43

number five was start before

20:46

you're ready. And I know that

20:46

may sound counterintuitive.

20:50

Start before you're ready. But

20:50

what it means is, you'll never

20:54

be ready to start. So start now.

20:54

Stop listening to this podcast

21:00

if you have to. If you're

21:00

listening to this podcast,

21:02

because you are putting off

21:02

doing something else stop, go

21:06

and do it right now. Because the

21:06

truth is, you'll never be ready.

21:10

So if you have goals, you have

21:10

dreams, you have a vision for

21:14

what it is you want your life to

21:14

be like or you have a mindset

21:18

about what a particular project

21:18

or task is supposed to be like

21:22

when you're done. You're not

21:22

going to get there unless you

21:24

start doing the work. And this

21:24

is true if you don't think you

21:27

have time. If you don't have

21:27

what you believe is the money to

21:31

do it. You can insert any number

21:31

of excuses into a blank spot of

21:36

I can't start now because x y&z

21:36

but you can, and I'm going to

21:41

take my own advice, I'm going to

21:41

start moving forward, I'm going

21:43

to start letting go of my perfectionism

21:45

around what something may or may

21:49

not look like to somebody else,

21:49

because all that is, is a

21:53

figment of my imagination. It's

21:53

something I believe people will

21:56

see. And the truth is, I've said

21:56

it before, they're not going to

22:00

pay that close attention. They

22:00

are not going to fault you for

22:04

putting something out the door

22:04

that you believe is not perfect

22:08

to you because you're not going

22:08

to see it the same way. The only

22:11

people who are going to think

22:11

it's not perfect, or yourself

22:14

that in the little voice in your

22:14

head that keeps telling you,

22:17

Jay, it's not good enough yet.

22:17

Don't let it go.

22:22

Jay, it's not good enough yet.

22:22

Don't let it go. And the truth

22:27

is, gotta stop listening to that

22:27

inner voice. You have to stop

22:30

listening to that inner voice.

22:30

You just have to go for it. I

22:36

believe you can. I have full

22:36

confidence in you. I'd love to

22:40

hear about what you're working

22:40

on. Come connect with me on

22:42

social media. Go to direct.me

22:42

slash Jason Ramsden, come find

22:47

me on Instagram or LinkedIn.

22:47

Come find me on the show's

22:51

sites, wherever it is that you

22:51

prefer to connect. Come on,

22:55

let's have a conversation. I'd

22:55

love to be involved in learning

22:58

more about what you're working

22:58

on what's keeping you from

23:01

moving forward, the struggles

23:01

you've had with perfectionism.

23:05

Let's have a conversation and

23:05

get rolling. And I'll close out

23:08

today's show just like I always

23:08

do. Thank you for being here

23:12

today. Again, your time

23:12

listening to this podcast does

23:17

mean the world to me. It is so

23:17

important to me for you to be

23:21

here. I just appreciate it. And

23:21

as always, remember, be well be

23:27

happy, be you and until next

23:27

time, may your quest for

23:31

positivity begin today.

23:37

If you liked today's episode,

23:37

please go to pod chaser.com

23:40

search for positivity on fire

23:40

and leave a five star rating and

23:44

review. For more on my

23:44

positivity quest. Follow me at

23:48

positivity underscore j on

23:48

Instagram or Tiktok or engage

23:52

with the show by visiting direct

23:52

dot mean slash Jason Ramsden.

23:57

Have an amazing day.