Episode Transcript
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This show is part of the Head
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Stuff Podcast Network. You
1:18
know what I like when you're away in Spain
1:22
and you ask for, can I get
1:24
an Agua-con gas? That's
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a spicy war. Agua-con
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gas. We're mad for it. There's
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one in Germany, is there something called, with prickling or
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something? Colin Sauer. They're
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attracted by a very, very hot and
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loud. And a little bit sad. It
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was the best guy around. Oh my, oh my,
1:43
is it hot in here or what? We're
1:46
an attractive guy. That's the fabulous Tony Cantwell.
1:48
I'm talking about Shane Daniel Byrne. He is under
1:50
the... Ding
2:01
dong, merry Ron high, the re-rock
2:04
looks are clogging. And
2:06
Christmas is coming, and don't forget why not
2:08
bring an extra bit of Christmas cheer to
2:10
your dinner table this Christmas with the re-rock
2:12
Christmas crackers with jokes inside written
2:14
by some of our leading comedians including all three young
2:17
Hawkeyes and a few other people who don't matter. And
2:19
all the profits from those Christmas crackers, you're
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going to buy Christmas crackers anyway, why not
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buy these ones because all the profits go
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to alone. A little offering never ends supporting
2:28
the elderly in our communities. That's right, you
2:30
can go to re-raw.com/shop. Or just Google re-raw
2:32
and then you'll find it there. Yeah, it's
2:35
easy. Re-rhyne, eggshells, please. Thanks for sponsoring the
2:37
podcast. Prickled. Meet
2:39
Prickle. Meet Prickle. Is that nothing for you?
2:41
Maybe it's pickle. We like the pickle. We
2:43
do like pickle. We do like the pickle
2:45
water, but the whole trip we kept calling
2:47
it Prickland. Prickland. And everyone from
2:49
Germany, this guy, Alan, was like, Shane, can
2:51
I have some Prickland? And
2:53
he just really went for it. It was one of those
2:55
holiday bits. Yeah, you just keep it as a joke. I
2:58
went with the youth theatre to Vienna. It was a
3:00
fantastic trip. Oh yeah? It really was
3:02
a fantastic trip. Very special. Must
3:05
have been a young fool into that. The youth theatre
3:07
went to Vienna. What were you doing there? It was
3:09
the International Festival of Youth Theatres and we were representing
3:11
Ireland. Oh wow. Did you walk with a
3:13
flag? No, it wasn't like that. You
3:16
just did your shows. It was in this boarding
3:18
school in Vienna and it was absolutely huge and
3:20
they had like a pool in it and everything.
3:25
Then we were on the pool and they were like,
3:27
all right, no more pool time. Get out on our
3:29
downtime and then they were like, get out and everyone
3:31
was like, no. And then they were like, okay,
3:34
we'll switch off the lights. They switched off
3:36
the lights and just like, hot
3:38
and horny young people. Wait, just horny young people.
3:40
Turn the back on! Turn the
3:42
back on! And everyone just like, we were just
3:44
like, absolutely losing our minds. It was like, this
3:46
is so cool. We're swimming in a pool
3:48
in the dime. Fuck it. Everyone was
3:50
like, yeah! Well, it was very stressful. We had,
3:52
there was a, your man was a bit
3:55
of a renegade man in the amateur dramatics
3:57
and he like insisted there be a group
3:59
from Israel. and Palestine. Yeah.
4:01
Yeah. And not kiss each other.
4:04
The show was all about Israel's occupation.
4:07
And you know, I have no memory of what
4:09
Israel's show was. Shants
4:12
fired the U theater, the
4:14
Israeli theater, the German show.
4:16
Very good. Very arresting. Sad
4:18
about a horrible event in
4:20
Germany where what a horrible
4:23
event? No, not that one. Where
4:25
people were families and
4:27
schools were held
4:30
hostage and then gassed and also shot. Remember
4:32
this was a horrible event. And
4:35
they did this horrible. It's a Red Army
4:37
faction. No, it was it was only in 2000s. This
4:39
happened and they did this. It
4:42
was really good theater, but it was so
4:44
sad that they were all being kids and
4:46
only being kids. They're playing balloons and then
4:49
they pop the balloon and fall and you'd be like, ha
4:51
ha. And then they like pop a balloon and fall. They're
4:53
being shot. And it was so good.
4:56
Sometimes simple little things. We think in that way,
4:58
you know, Brechtian kind of notes of hyper
5:02
theater and stuff like that. Our show was real
5:04
cool. We had fellas putting on dresses and everyone
5:06
kissed everyone. And I was brilliant. Wow. I fell
5:08
down in water and sing in the carpenters. Something
5:11
silly. No, it wasn't. It was great. You gave
5:13
me a kiss. You gave me
5:15
a kiss. They all loved it. We kissed you on
5:17
Blindbat. That kind of thing. They loved our show. It
5:20
really was a great, great time. The Red
5:22
Army faction, if people don't know, they're sort
5:24
of a radical group of anti-capitalist
5:26
German students who I think they actually
5:28
ended up killing a few politicians and
5:30
stuff like that. But they were people
5:32
who, you know, were
5:34
super. You gotta break a few eggs, make an arm,
5:36
let's kill you. I don't know whether I'm on site
5:39
or not. They kidnapped people. They were like bad guys.
5:41
I'm a bit offside now. But they were like, but
5:45
they went to the IRA because the IRA was sort of
5:47
the big, you know, they were the
5:50
news story. Like when my dad was young, he used to
5:52
think about it. It was in the news all the time.
5:54
He'd be like, oh, Arnd is a place where there's a
5:56
war on. That's kind of the perception. And
5:58
they went to the IRA. quite funny. They were
6:01
like, let's like team up and do stuff.
6:03
And the IRA just found them really like
6:06
theoretical. They were really like, yeah because you know
6:08
like society, like the capitalist thing, we need to
6:11
totally reduce that and what we need to do
6:13
is kill a few people at the top. And
6:15
the IRA like, nah we just want like Ireland.
6:19
It's pretty simple actually. They told them to
6:21
fuck off. They were like, these
6:23
are just like you know, airy-fairy students, you
6:25
know. Even though they
6:27
did end up I think trying to kill a few people.
6:29
I do think I've said
6:31
this before and I stand by it
6:34
not saying it should happen. I think
6:36
if we want to save the world from,
6:38
save the planet from climate
6:41
change, we will have to
6:43
do French Revolution style guillotine
6:45
execution, mass imprisonment, whatever it is.
6:47
We'll have to completely up heave
6:50
society. You have no idea how many powdered
6:53
snooker tables are gonna happen now. You have
6:55
no idea. You've released the beast. You're
6:57
gonna run out and come on the snooker table
6:59
and start throwing the powder on herself. Stop
7:02
oil, you know. The amount of Mona Lisa's, you
7:04
think Mona Lisa's been defaced? You have no idea.
7:06
I think it'll have to be a whole new
7:08
thing. The amount of
7:10
soup has gone through the roof since Shing Daniel
7:12
burns. I just can't see another way. The
7:15
greed of the capitalism and the ignorance of the thing
7:17
and the insistence on the this that and
7:19
the other. They're like the only thing will have
7:21
to all just be stopped and removed. We'll say
7:23
removed. However that happens I don't know.
7:25
I hopefully don't kill them. I don't know but I
7:27
just feel like it's gonna... They need to take the
7:29
10 CEOs of the most polluting companies and they need
7:32
to dox them and release all their kind of thirsty
7:34
Instagram messages. I think is what they need to do.
7:37
I think that's for that, you know. I don't see
7:39
any other way out than something radical. That's the only thing
7:41
I think. And people like it
7:43
seems radical to throw paint on steps. People
7:46
are freaking out. They're gluing themselves to the
7:48
road. We've got to go to work. You're
7:50
like, you're late for work. You'll be grand.
7:52
Also it's not the actual Mona Lisa. It's
7:56
their true soup on the glass. Also
7:58
like what an excuse. to
8:00
get to work late. If
8:02
you're driving along and someone's glued themselves to the road,
8:04
you go, well, I don't have to get in until
8:06
12 now. And what do
8:09
I say to my boss? I say, yeah, someone glued
8:11
themselves to the road and you can both go, oh
8:13
yeah, what an idiot. And you
8:15
get the whole, they're giving you the morning off. I
8:17
want to deliver a good return for the shareholders who
8:19
really have to. No, but we do. Sorry,
8:21
just because it's really important for us to
8:24
bring a great return for the Young Hark guys shareholders.
8:27
We do have some really wonderful shareholders who
8:30
we do want to make sure
8:32
that they get a good return. Who
8:35
are our shareholders? Oh, well, I do listener of the
8:37
week. Kira. Kira, listener of the week.
8:39
My main shareholders, I've already heard this one, but
8:41
I thought it was so I did it on
8:43
the bone bone bone on the on the
8:45
main. Shane's gone. Sorry.
8:49
You don't know. You don't know. But
8:51
I'm here, showed up for work as a legend. I worked
8:53
so hard. I can't help that. I can't believe
8:55
in one of those people that was like, well, I have to. I
8:57
was like, what am I going to do? I have to win.
8:59
I'm one of those people now. But anyway, I worked
9:01
for myself. So that's why I don't work for the
9:03
shareholders. But I do work for the shareholders. Anyway, if
9:05
you're thinking of doing some private activism, glue yourself outside
9:07
Shane's house so that he doesn't have to go to
9:09
work. Yeah, I can work for a
9:11
moat from home. So it's grand. I
9:14
have a microphone in my head. Glue yourself to
9:16
his laptop. I can't do gigs. That's right. That'd
9:18
be fair enough. Yeah, I couldn't make it true.
9:20
But Kira, anyway, Specsavers had an ad up on
9:22
their Instagram, their TikTok, their little TikTok and the
9:24
girl of the ad was like, Specsavers is great.
9:26
And I love Specsavers. And
9:28
then Kira just comes to almost like
9:30
release Shane Daniel Burns prescription. We
9:33
love it. Kira, so Kira is listening
9:35
up the week. Thank you, Kira. Our
9:38
main shareholder. Kira reads as her TikTok,
9:40
I think. You're your own
9:42
boss. Are you a kind or are you
9:44
a mean boss? I
9:46
am both laissez-faire and the opposite
9:48
of that. Extremely.
9:51
No, I need to be, you know,
9:53
I'm at it. I'm
9:56
at a crossroads now, because I have been. This
9:58
is the sickest year on record. find
18:00
out. I have an audio recording of mine. I
18:02
did, uh, I think
18:04
mine was videoed. Actually, I think I have
18:07
it somewhere, but I had loads because I
18:09
was famous online before famous. Because
18:13
I was internationally recognized before being a comedian on
18:15
stage. I
18:18
had an audience there already. So they, um, came,
18:22
they came to the show and they were
18:24
like, you know, they were people who already knew my
18:26
style of comedy. So we're a game for it. So
18:28
it was actually a very, very fun first
18:30
gig. And then I went and did the clubs and I was
18:32
like, yeah, fucking smash these up. And I remember doing one that
18:34
was all tourists and like, they weren't laughing at the jokes. And
18:36
I was like, what the fuck is going on here? These
18:39
are funny. Sorry. I was so preoccupied
18:41
looking at my phone. They're both on their phones.
18:44
Everyone's reminiscing about their stories. I just was wondering
18:46
if I could find, I actually listened to you.
18:48
Your first gig was good. Yeah, it was very
18:50
good. But, uh, it was also,
18:52
uh, uh, not, well,
18:55
I saw two men on their phones. Yeah.
18:58
You keep looking up every two seconds. You
19:01
turn and look up at me, go, am I Doran? Can
19:03
you not manage a few minutes talking to the audience on
19:05
your own? Are you not a fucking seasoned comedian? They want
19:07
to tour around the country. Well, not, not when
19:10
two people are in my space. Look at Tony is
19:12
literally doesn't even know that this is going on. I don't
19:14
know. This is my opening joke, right? Okay. So
19:19
I'm Tony. I have no idea why I'm
19:21
up here. This is like everyone I know
19:23
in this room and my generic nightmare, but
19:25
being naked with an incredibly small
19:27
penis. But then I usually wake
19:29
up your penis joke and I look at my
19:32
penis and it's hard. And it's that sort of
19:34
Christmas day happiness. There's
19:36
my first joke. There's something in that. Uh,
19:39
guys, what is up with that morning penis? It's
19:42
straight straight penis. Yes. Like opening, you
19:44
know, so you went straight into penis.
19:47
Yeah. It's so hard in the morning.
19:49
It's got, it's like a Marvel, Aardvark
19:51
on steroids. Um,
19:54
you need to know who that is. It's
19:56
a lot about the dick here. Um, sorry, that's
19:58
too much information. information about
20:00
my penis, I'm gay for my penis. What?
20:03
Yeah, I shouldn't have read, you know what I
20:06
mean? So a bit of fine-shoony. Just sometimes you
20:08
go back and think, is there anything in there?
20:10
And then it's like absolutely not. Nothing there, you
20:13
know? Mine is a few bits. Yeah? Yeah,
20:16
it started off, I said, what a beautiful act
20:18
of hope and unity that you're all applauding, as
20:20
if I might do something that merits that clapping.
20:23
This is my first time doing this. Are you aware of the distinct
20:25
possibility this might be awful for all of us? Are
20:28
you aware of that? And then I would point at someone and
20:30
say, you specifically are you aware of that? But
20:33
that's not how I started. He'd said something about the club turning 30
20:35
years old. And I said, now he was mentioning
20:37
that this club was turning 30 years old this year.
20:39
Well, so am I. And
20:42
then I said, I'm not gonna do any
20:44
jokes about turning 30, I think that's boring. The only thing
20:46
about turning 30 is that the older you get more hair
20:48
in your ears and less in your scalp. That's
20:51
funny. That's funny. That's a few jokes. You know who was
20:53
there? David O'Dartie was the headline on my first show. You're
20:55
joking. Yeah, I know, I was freaking out. And then I
20:58
told him this a couple of years later and I said,
21:00
someone was talking about my first case and I was like,
21:02
and you were there. And he's like, oh, I don't remember.
21:05
I didn't expect you to, but they were all really nice. Well,
21:10
they weren't. The communities were really weird when I first started.
21:12
Like Ruth Hunter was on the stairs in front of me
21:14
and no one talked to me yet. And then Ruth turned
21:16
around and went, so comedy,
21:20
that's something you're doing. And
21:24
I thought that was nice enough. I
21:27
was like, that'll do, I'm involved in
21:29
some way. That's something you're doing. Not
21:32
anymore. Yeah, I'd rather not, thank
21:35
you. I've got to go. And nobody knew I did it. I
21:37
didn't tell anybody, even if I didn't tell my housemate, who
21:39
I was living with, I didn't even tell him, I just went off
21:41
and did it. And I wrote it on
21:43
post, it's in the kitchen. And that's what I did.
21:46
Isn't it amazing? Isn't it amazing? You just do
21:49
it. And look at you now, sick
21:51
as a dog. Sick as a dog, coming in
21:53
to talk to you dogs, you all see dogs
21:56
on a morning on
21:58
my partner's birthday. It's Ray's
22:00
birthday! Happy birthday to
22:03
the wonderful Prince Raymond. We are
22:05
all darling fans of you.
22:08
We love you so much. You're meant for a drink
22:10
after your show tonight, if you want. Oh yeah, definitely.
22:12
I won't even invite you, Tony. It's too short notice.
22:14
It's too short notice. I
22:16
have known Ray the longest out of all of
22:19
you guys. I've known Ray so long. He's such
22:21
a lovely man. I knew Ray before you moved
22:23
into that house, you silly boy. Well, no, I'm
22:25
not in. I knew him longer than... But I
22:27
knew him before. My relationship with Ray lasts longer
22:30
than you guys. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I understand.
22:32
And he's a great guy and he's always been there for me. Well,
22:35
he's a very handsome man. He's
22:37
very interesting. He's got my... Raymond is
22:39
handsome. You know what? More
22:41
in common with him than I do Shane.
22:43
I put up... I was trying to do...
22:46
When I was in Australia, I was trying to get my phone...
22:48
I bet you I should have just asked Tony. He could have
22:50
done it for me. I was trying to get my phone to
22:52
have a widget on my home screen that would say what time
22:54
it was at home. And I couldn't
22:56
get that. Eventually I found... Then it
22:58
was like, just offered me. It's like, you want this purple
23:00
picture of Raymond on there as well? So
23:03
my phone now has just Raymond on the
23:06
thing. And I'm not lovely, Dovey. We don't have
23:08
that, but we have boyfriends. So he's there and
23:11
you can see Simon there, Dublin, and they made
23:13
this blue thing. But Daniel Clark, the MC of
23:15
the crack team, Comedy Club, he was like, he's
23:17
like, they're you up there, Raymond? And
23:19
I was like, yeah. And he's like, why? I was like, right. And
23:22
he's like, no, no, no. He's like, he's got a good, good, good
23:24
block. And I was like, yeah. And
23:26
I was like, I'm not surprised. I was
23:28
like, well, you are. It's too late now.
23:30
And it was
23:32
like, also his wife, his wife, beautiful
23:34
and nice and calm. So he is
23:37
wild. Damien Clark. I was like, you
23:39
are wild and weird. And I was
23:41
like, I think he had his child.
23:43
I can't be sure we don't know if it's a child.
23:45
I will. He had his child. He
23:47
had a childcare issue and he had an early gig we were
23:49
doing in the crack den and he had his child downstairs. So
23:51
the comedians were taking it in turns. It's in the workman's. So
23:53
his child was in the Bison bar. It
23:56
was only six o'clock in the day. So it was a private gig. So
23:59
his child was downstairs. and then we'd take it and turn
24:01
to go sit with the child. Well, so
24:03
like I went down and Claire was like, I've
24:05
just finished, you go on ahead. So
24:07
we were swapping over it, mine and the child. Children's
24:09
day are so different to when I was a child.
24:11
If that happened to me as a kid, I'd be
24:13
like deathly quiet and would have had my hands folded.
24:15
I wouldn't have had a toy, but don't think I
24:17
would have just sat there and stared at the wall
24:19
or broke up a beer mat or whatever. But the
24:22
child, I think he's like seven and he was just
24:24
so cool with, he knew the situation. He was like,
24:26
I was like, hey, hey, whatever. And I was like,
24:28
we met before at the festival. And
24:30
then he was like, looked at me and he's like, right.
24:33
I started going through, he's like, right. So tell him a
24:35
bit of toys. He was like, cause obviously he knew, I'm
24:37
going to say who's this and what's this? And he had
24:39
a little cat and he's like, this is meow meow. So
24:42
it was a great name for a cat. And he's
24:44
like, so this is a game where I move these trucks around
24:46
and these cards. And I was like, okay, he just, he basically,
24:49
he kind of baby sat me, he's like, he's
24:52
like, I'll occupy this fella for a few minutes. He knew what he
24:54
was doing. So how are you feeling about the gig? Yeah,
24:57
yeah, yeah. Do any new bits? You going
24:59
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the place to be, to be.
26:51
I played five-sigh last night. That
26:53
was really fun. How's your legs?
26:57
Good, yeah, back on it. I'm back on it now. And
27:00
you're back on the gear as well. I'm back on the gear and I'm
27:02
having a great time. It's really good. I
27:04
realize I talk a lot about, I come home
27:07
and then reenact every goal I've scored in
27:09
front of Anna while she's literally looking at her
27:11
phone. That is so cute. I'm
27:13
like, yeah, and then, so it's coming into
27:15
me on my right and then I turn
27:17
around and you know I'm not as good
27:20
on my right when I'm turning. But actually
27:22
this time, it was unbelievable. That is so
27:24
cute. I love that. But then equally, I
27:26
can't storm in and just go straight into
27:28
the shower and just go, you
27:31
okay in there? No! Was
27:33
that when you were crap? That's when I was crap. But
27:35
yesterday was really good because we were, players
27:38
short because it was very frosty. Very frosty.
27:40
Very frosty out there. And then we were
27:43
getting randomers coming in. We had a lovely guy from
27:45
Hanover who was very good. And then we were still
27:47
a player short. And then this guy walked past. It
27:50
was almost, it was just, you know, so cold and
27:52
frosty. It was like steamy or something. He was from
27:54
Hanunder. No, he was from Hanunder. And
27:57
we walked past wearing chinos. Sorry,
28:00
I just want to pause for how I was looking at
28:02
you telling the story and then I said that Han Under
28:04
joke and then I just turned to Tony and Tony gave
28:06
you a wink. So I just like make sure that Tony
28:08
acknowledged that stupid joke and that's all I needed. And I
28:10
acknowledged that it was good joke. Anyway, he was steamy. He
28:12
was walking past. He was a guy who
28:14
was dressed in a big coat, a big shopping bag, and
28:17
he was wearing Chinos and like regular shoes, maybe kind of
28:19
like trainers, like running shoes or something like that. Because
28:22
he was sort of a heavy set man, short,
28:25
full figured, maybe in his 40s or something like that. Early
28:27
40s did not look like he was, and he kind of
28:30
had paint and stuff on him. And we were like, I
28:32
need to have someone to play. And he was like, yes,
28:34
he has a play. And he came on. I've
28:37
never seen someone play in Chinos before.
28:40
I've literally never seen it. It's insane.
28:42
He was on. Really? He
28:44
was Romanian. He was maybe the best I've ever
28:46
seen. Do you know people really surprise you with
28:48
their, was he just walking along? He was coming
28:50
back. I don't know. I actually don't know. He
28:52
had a shopping bag and stuff. I don't know
28:55
what was going on. It was almost like, you
28:57
know, you call out to the
28:59
gods to provide this person. Then he sort of
29:01
appears from the mist and we were losing and
29:04
he just, he just banged in so
29:06
many goals. And he's doing this weird toe poke kind
29:08
of thing that would always go right, top right corner.
29:10
It was amazing. And I went up to after the
29:12
game and I was like, and everyone's like, what the
29:15
fuck is going on with like, he's wearing Chinos and
29:17
stuff. And I went up and I was like, man,
29:19
Gabby, like, what's going on? You're, you're fucking incredible. And
29:22
it's like, yeah, you know, it's not slippery
29:24
for me. You know, in
29:26
Romania, I learned to play on ice.
29:30
Like, yeah, just for fun. I learned to play football
29:32
on ice. Wow. I
29:34
love that. I love sometimes I wish I
29:36
wasn't gay. I just would love
29:39
that kind of don't give a fuck energy of
29:41
the straight man house. Sometimes he's like, he had
29:43
his shopping bags and he's in his Chinos and
29:45
he's like, I can play. And
29:47
just the universality of like, we played
29:49
this maybe I, okay, I can still be gay and
29:51
play football, but I do think I wish I was.
29:53
I just love that. Universal language of the game. Beautiful
29:55
game. The other day, you know, you speak English. For
29:57
me the other day, it's been like, I'm
30:00
not having a football. Nah, nevermind, just
30:02
play football. That's so great. There's these
30:04
really interesting characters who go down to
30:07
five or side pitches, and we
30:10
call them mercenaries or sellswords. Wow. And
30:12
they go down in the hopes of finding a game,
30:15
and they are always- But he wasn't one
30:17
of them. He wasn't, he didn't seem like
30:19
it. But he may have been walking by,
30:21
and I kind of, in my mystical brain,
30:24
I'm like, he sort of appears whenever someone
30:26
needs someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He comes- He's
30:28
an angel. Maybe an angel. A
30:30
Romanian ice playing football angel. Did you
30:32
get his number? Nah. And
30:34
I kind of knew when I said goodbye to him, I
30:37
knew I would never see him again. I
30:39
knew that. And he floated away to me. Yeah,
30:41
yeah. He just floated away. Will we ever see
30:43
again? Sell these. Disobeyed it. There
30:45
was a Romanian show at that international festival
30:47
of youth theaters, and they were all real
30:49
crazy and scary, and one of them did
30:51
manjina in the show. If
30:53
you're not familiar with manjina, it's where you shove
30:56
your dick on balls between your legs and
30:58
then your penis. You look like a little
31:01
vagina. And anyway, he did
31:03
that in the show, went, eeee, like that.
31:06
So they were crazy. Cool guys. It
31:08
was funny, I got home
31:11
after I reenacted 60 minutes
31:13
of Five Side Football to Anna. That's sweet. It
31:15
really is so sweet. She was like, we
31:17
should do like, we should do like some sort
31:20
of like little trip somewhere. And I was like, what about
31:22
Bucharest? Yeah. And
31:25
he's training the ice. I was like, why do we go to
31:27
Romania? I was literally looking
31:29
up like, no, it's actually
31:31
really good Anna. Look, it's got, it's really beautiful. It
31:34
actually does look amazing. So I
31:36
can't wait to go to Bucharest. I always think
31:38
that's so funny about straight couples. Like me and
31:40
Raymond are kind of similar men, right? We have
31:42
lots of differences, of course. But like when
31:45
you guys move in together, like if
31:47
it's a boy and a girl, the
31:49
girl has to just deal with all this boy
31:51
stuff in their life all of a sudden. And
31:53
little things like little hairs in the sink, but
31:55
also you have to have this man
31:58
telling you about the gold he's got. 45
32:01
minutes ago just happened and you're breaking
32:03
it down knowing and this performance
32:05
that you know she's not really listening but you're
32:07
just doing it anyway like like you're telling your
32:09
mom I think there's something I just find fascinating
32:12
about it. I have to say to Terry sometimes
32:14
I'm like look I can I talk at you
32:16
now for like an hour and she's like alright
32:18
go on. And
32:21
sometimes depending on the mood you know if I haven't
32:23
kind of let her know ahead of time she might
32:25
just be talking I mean it was one
32:27
time I was telling her about how The Rock was back in
32:29
wrestling and how he had kind of like strong arm
32:31
his way into the WrestleMania you know you
32:34
know main event and then like and I was
32:36
like it was an unbelievable drama that was happening in wrestling at the
32:38
time and her mouth was she was like and
32:40
I told her when I finished and I was
32:43
like isn't that crazy and she goes I can't
32:45
believe you thought I would give a shit about
32:47
that. I was like alright. But
32:49
it's funny you just can you can just be
32:51
like sometimes like I don't give a shit are
32:53
you still talking and we laugh and I just
32:55
keep talking and vice versa she's talking about like
32:58
skincare or some sort of Korean you know skin
33:00
thing she's after buying you know it's
33:02
just what happens you just have to kind of telegraph I'm
33:04
gonna talk at you know for a little while getting them
33:07
in the car is great because they're fucking trapped and if
33:09
you're driving then you can kind of be like hmm you're
33:11
listening there you know. I've turned into
33:13
my own father where if we drive past certain
33:15
places I tell Raim and the same things about
33:17
those places or we walk by the other
33:20
day I told him where a girl from my class lived when
33:22
we walked by my old primary school and I was like she
33:24
lived there that was our school there and I was like have
33:26
we told you before you he was like yes
33:29
yes you have yes you have but sometimes now
33:31
I just do them because I
33:33
feel obliged I must do them
33:36
hmm like I told you before when I was
33:38
learning to drive my dad he'd be driving around in
33:40
church and was the way the test center was
33:42
oh this kind of thing is
33:44
people just there or they there
33:47
was a pedophile there and they set him on fire
33:49
in his car and you're like right well should
33:51
I be in third gear like you're like can we
33:53
focus on what we're doing here like where was it
33:56
a on the same road as where the
33:59
bottle tower is Not the bottle tower pub, the
34:01
actual bottle tower pub. No way. Something
34:03
to do with it. Somebody was lit on fire.
34:05
Freddy Krueger. That's how he was made. He
34:09
was a pedophile they sat on fire, the parents sat on fire.
34:11
Really? Freddy Krueger became Freddy Krueger.
34:13
And then he was all, as he was
34:15
burning, he said, like, I'll get your kids
34:17
where you can protect them in their dreams.
34:20
That's terrifying. And he's not the one who
34:22
annoys Jamie Lee Curtis. That's the other fella.
34:24
The other annoys? That's Michael Myers. Michael Myers.
34:26
Michael Myers. Chagadella baby. Terrible grief for Jamie
34:29
Lee Curtis. He's just being
34:31
annoying. He's just being annoying Jamie Lee
34:33
Curtis. The entity. Every time.
34:35
She can't get a baby. I'm a Nepo baby.
34:37
Nepo baby. Every interview. Yeah.
34:39
Sometimes I like Nepo baby. I love
34:41
Jamie Lee Curtis. Do you guys not?
34:44
I love Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh yeah. I love
34:46
Tim Robinson, Susan Sarandon's Nepo baby son. Oh,
34:49
he was making the gag about it? Yeah, he's very funny. Oh,
34:51
he's good. Yeah, he's very funny. What
34:54
did you call the one whose mom is Melanie
34:56
Griffith? She
34:59
was in the Whips and
35:01
Chains film with Jamie Lee, not Jamie
35:03
Lee Curtis, Jamie Dornan. Oh
35:05
yeah. Dakota. Dakota Johnson. Dakota
35:07
Johnson. I like her. I saw
35:10
this on film the next year. I just saw an
35:12
expression on her face, BTS expression on her face in
35:14
a photograph. And I was like, yeah, but she's interesting.
35:16
Like, yes, she's Nepo, but she's interesting. I loved her
35:18
doing the interview for Madame Webb and then that guy
35:21
being like, and I was going to see the trailer,
35:23
you know, a lot of people found that funny. Why
35:25
did they find it funny? Oh, he loved it. Just
35:28
being like, okay, well, like if you're going to do this kind of hop
35:30
on kind of like, let's fucking meme the
35:32
shit out of stuff and slag it like in a,
35:34
as a fucking sheeple virus,
35:36
which I'm all for slagging it. But
35:39
like, if you're actually going to say it to the person, then
35:41
you better have some fucking grounding for us to why you have
35:43
a good gag rather than just copying what everyone else fucking is
35:45
telling you about. She does do shit
35:47
though. She does really shit. She's terrible. Yeah,
35:49
but she's great. Yeah. Like, is she
35:51
an only bad, a showny and bad film? I mean,
35:54
Madame Webb, and then she was also in some weird. Well,
35:56
she tried to do a lot of kind of our
35:58
has films after doing. And
36:00
they weren't very good. Well, check them. And then
36:02
she just went back into Madam Web. I think
36:04
Jamie Doran's had a good run after Post, 50
36:07
Shades, with Belfast, and then that one where he's
36:09
a killer. He's fucking awesome in that show with
36:11
Gillian Anderson. He's probably my top five birds of
36:13
all time. Oh, he's so good in that. Yeah,
36:15
he's great. Oh, like he's brilliant in this. Yeah,
36:17
he's brilliant in that, yeah. Ah,
36:20
he's a little babe, though. Yeah, he is.
36:22
He's a credit-worth-shoe. Credit-worth-shoe. He is a smoke
36:24
show. Yeah, yeah. Dude. And I
36:26
feel like he has a- We do make him good, don't
36:28
we? Sometimes. Like the one
36:31
in the 50,000? One
36:34
in 100,000? Like a
36:37
broad appeal? Yeah. OK,
36:39
yeah, those are few. A hot Irish guy
36:41
is very good. Like, largely speaking, we're not
36:43
the best. But if
36:45
you were to do the median, but
36:47
one in a hot Irish guy, I
36:50
think, beats a- because they got the personality on
36:52
the- Yeah, but they don't
36:54
see all the tight, boot-cut genes
36:57
and trainers from Primark. That
36:59
kind of- the average kind of big
37:02
t-shirt that's- Primark, you s-brit. I
37:05
know. Paprika. Fucking that's embarrassing. Paprika.
37:07
Primark. Primark. No, it's just
37:09
I was in Primark. Primark is actually what we say.
37:11
On Boxing Day there. And I think that's just why,
37:13
because- You were thinking about Boxing Day. I
37:16
was thinking about- recently, I was thinking about if you
37:18
actually heard someone say Boxing Day, and then I accidentally
37:20
said it. I was like, we were making plans for
37:23
Christmas, and I think I was very close. You know,
37:25
you're like, don't ever say that, because I'd be fucking
37:27
cringe if you said it. And I was moments away
37:29
from saying Boxing Day with Terry. Not
37:31
very interesting story, but, you know, a good reminder
37:34
that we have to stick to our
37:36
terminology. Yeah, Saint Stephen, whoever he is.
37:38
Saint Stephen. Saint. Must look up Saint
37:40
Stephen now for the Christmas episode. Saint
37:43
Stephen. Saint Stephen. What
37:46
did he do? I don't know. That's what
37:48
I actually learned before. I feel like he did do
37:50
something good. The one I always remember,
37:52
my favorite Saint, maybe is Saint Francis of Assisi,
37:54
because he just loved animals. When you're
37:56
a kid, you're like, I also love animals. And
37:58
he just loved them. and all the birds would be in
38:01
the palm of his hand. And I just
38:03
remember Francis of Assisi. Yeah, he was very
38:05
Snow White. And he inspired the whole thing.
38:07
All the French Hischermans, they're all Franciscists. Saints
38:09
for absolutely everything. Some of them get, Saint
38:11
Kevin, where Glandaloch is, my mom told
38:13
me a story of, I almost was like,
38:15
why do we love this guy? He, like some woman got
38:19
really infatuated with him. And so she
38:21
kept going to him. So he threw a load of
38:23
nettles in her face. Oh my God, Kevin. And then
38:25
what was it? Because he sell a bit. I don't
38:27
know, yeah. He's like, get away from me. I'm in
38:30
my B5 cell. My little tiny little hole in the
38:32
wall. Look, I haven't been wanking on cornflakes for fucking
38:34
two years now for you to be coming at me
38:36
here, eat nettles. And then Patrick,
38:38
like if you talk to real historians, like, well,
38:41
my mom, who's a tour guide, you know, obviously
38:44
Patrick is this great one. And I
38:46
was like, you know, is Patrick, is he a good guy? Who
38:48
do you like? And she's like, well, which
38:51
Patrick? And I
38:53
was like, well, there was several
38:55
Patricks, if you want to get into it. And
38:58
she said that she thinks the one that
39:00
did well or whatever was because
39:02
he was
39:04
very well connected or whatever. And
39:06
she's like, oh, well, he was just very well connected. But there
39:08
was many Patricks. And what we know as Patrick was several people
39:10
and all this kind of stuff. Cool. The
39:13
way they do that for St. Bridget, they
39:15
just robbed St. Bridget who was like a
39:17
mad witch bitch. And they're like, the whole
39:19
thing, she was like, I just want to
39:21
build somewhere to worship God. And she was
39:23
like, I need a place to give
39:25
people abortions. Right? Give
39:28
me that land. Oh, as much
39:30
as my coat covers here, give us that. Right? Whatever. And
39:32
then people in the community were like, all right. Prank of
39:34
the year was... Prank of this. But also your man, so
39:36
yeah, just as much as this coat. She's like, can I
39:38
have some free land? And your man was like, yeah, as
39:40
big as your show. And like, that's still
39:42
pretty fucking nice. You know what I mean? He
39:44
was being, no, he was being like, he was
39:46
slagging her. What can you build on a show?
39:48
Yeah, but then, but no, Tony, have you heard
39:51
the rest of the story? The miracle is that
39:53
she lays the show down, the show spreads and
39:55
covers the thing and the convent there remains. But
39:57
she was like, come on, bitch, go around doing
39:59
spells. going, yeah, drink out of this well, it's
40:01
good shit in that well. Like she was a
40:03
mad bitch, a heathen pagan who,
40:05
and they were like in an empowered way.
40:08
And not in a drug trade. Should
40:10
we like hate them though? They
40:12
wrote loads of the stuff. I know, but I'm all for the
40:14
revisionist history of, you know, like- We got Bank Holiday out of
40:16
it. No, but like St. Patrick's coming over here. It took for,
40:18
how long did we have to wait for that Bank Holiday? How
40:20
long it will come? I am
40:22
sad. Is it kind of, it's not really called St.
40:24
Patrick's Day Bank Holiday though, is it? I
40:27
wanted them to call it after the Imbulk, which
40:29
is the original pagan-
40:32
It's like a baruka, but-
40:34
No, it's about the pregnancy. We love all
40:37
these pagan holidays and they're all class. And
40:39
they're to do with, you know, you
40:42
have reverence for the people that die and
40:44
you think about them in sound and then
40:46
you respect the fact that the world turns
40:48
and that things grow, you know, for, you
40:50
know, like there's seasons based, you know, there's
40:52
these monumental times between the seasons
40:54
to remind you about what it is to be alive
40:56
and what it is to be connected to the universe.
40:58
And then you got Patrick coming in being like, actually,
41:01
it's not about what you have here. It's about somewhere
41:03
else and you need to be good for someone else
41:05
who's not here. Like I'm all, and then Brian Baruch
41:07
as well, like, you know, being like this
41:10
whole like, let's get the Christian, like he was
41:12
all, that was all Christian. So it was like,
41:14
yeah, Vikings out, but Christianity in, you know, like
41:16
I'm just, I'm all for the revisionist history that
41:19
maybe Brian Baruch and maybe St. Patrick weren't so
41:21
great. Well, I mean- Bring back the pagans. You
41:24
know, these are warlords who are taking up, this is history
41:27
podcast. Are we going too far? But Brian Baruch,
41:29
I don't think was anti-Viking. Was he circumcised or
41:31
uncircumcised? I think he was anti-Viking rule. I mean,
41:34
I don't think he was, because Vikings had been
41:36
an art, like, double was a Viking tan. And
41:39
he teamed up with Vikings in the Bible of Kontaraf as well. Yeah.
41:41
So I'm not sure if he was like, you know,
41:43
racist against Vikings. I think it was more the idea
41:45
that Citrix up beard. Yeah, let's get
41:48
into it. Citrix up and beard. Let's
41:50
do it. You know, they were trying to take over and it
41:52
was a foreign force that was coming in. So it was more
41:54
the Battle of Kontaraf. And that's why
41:57
you'd be speaking. What
41:59
would they be speaking back then? You'd be speaking Swedish if it
42:01
wasn't for Bransbury. So still in Irish. Well. And
42:04
of course, the modern day Battle of
42:07
Clam Tarth is about the battle against
42:09
those rising seas coming across the sea
42:11
from there. And they have their sandbags
42:13
to protect them from
42:15
the rising seas. There's
42:17
times of pretty much every month
42:20
there. Looks great that you have your
42:22
sea view there, but it's well-caused. Should we talk about a
42:24
lot of things on this podcast? Today, I felt like a
42:26
really, I felt like this was, this
42:29
is vintage YHG. And
42:31
I think this is what people like. And
42:33
I'm proud of us today because we did
42:35
just go hopping. And there was enough
42:38
time for each topic. All
42:41
the topics were equally important today. And
42:43
I'm proud of us. And I'm proud of you.
42:45
And I'm mostly proud of myself.
42:48
Yeah. I think that's fair. I just don't know
42:50
why you think someone holding up a shamrock, saying
42:52
this is the Holy Trinity, is any better than
42:54
people knowing where the sun was because they built
42:56
a stone hench or not stone hench. Yeah, but
42:58
they also used to think the sun was the
43:00
guard as well. Because, and
43:03
that made sense because, well, the sun. It
43:06
all comes back to boxing day. Newgrange. I
43:08
just called fucking Newgrange Stonehenge. I need to.
43:10
I did. I
43:12
did. So what's going on,
43:14
guys? I feel like I've been infected with some
43:16
sort of breath. Something's happening to me. And
43:19
I can't control it. What's going on? There's a
43:21
fucking British parasite that is burrowed into my brain.
43:23
I'm so sorry. But also the greatest respect to
43:25
the British listeners. I
43:27
need to have a fucking good, hard look at myself now. You've
43:30
been watching too much extras. That
43:32
must be what it is. I was watching this show, and I
43:34
have to finish it up. And
43:37
it was all made in Ireland with
43:39
Charlie McKenna in it, called Clean Sheet, maybe, or
43:41
something like that. Anyway,
43:43
I watched it over the course of the day. And
43:46
there was Irish actors doing English accents because they
43:48
didn't go to London to get London people. And
43:51
some of them were dreadful. And it was so funny. That's
43:53
good. It's nice to do that.
43:55
I'm not doing this. Get the Irish to do
43:57
it. Look, contact the Irish.
44:00
police. I'm not worried about this
44:02
crime. And it was like watching a
44:04
school play. So no shade to the actor specifically. I
44:06
reckon you didn't have enough time and they didn't have
44:08
a dialect coach and stuff, but it was funny. Well
44:10
that's payback. It's funny to me. Have you watched Say
44:12
Nothing yet? Say Nothing. No, I haven't. No, I
44:15
haven't. No, I haven't. It's the TV show based
44:17
on that book that was about, it's
44:20
the IRA and it's the murder of what's her
44:22
name, the murder and kidnapping of you. I
44:24
love that guy. Now what's his name? The
44:27
Irish actor. He's in like the film about
44:29
the planes. Are the TV series
44:31
masters of the Aries in that? He's the
44:33
navigator. And then the actor as well, Lola
44:35
Pettigrew. I interviewed her then before on
44:38
a radio thing. I think it was. I forget
44:40
where I, anyway. Great, plenty of
44:42
great hours talent out there. Yeah,
44:44
that's good. But there's no higher
44:46
concentration of talents than here on
44:49
Young Hot Guys. Thank you. Well I'm British. And
44:51
there's no higher concentration of infected tonsils
44:54
here. Hey. I have to
44:56
chat with Shane for a while. My
44:58
tonsils that don't exist are probably... It's not
45:00
contagious. They're feeling tingly for sure. Well, it's
45:03
taken this contagious to finish the podcast. Oh my
45:05
God, I love it. All right, like, would you
45:07
listen mate? Very good.
45:09
But that's a known joke, right?
45:11
People know that that's a known joke. Contagious. No, that's
45:14
yours now. No, it's not. I think Kevin McGahn told
45:16
me about coming up with
45:18
that joke and then finding out that
45:20
it was a well-known joke. And
45:23
he came up with it. He was like, oh my God, this is
45:25
the greatest joke ever written. And then just finds out,
45:27
oh, it's already a joke. All
45:29
right, we have to go. Thank you. We love you so much. I
45:32
think it's a funny reason why we have to go. We
45:34
have to go because the staff at Head Stuff are
45:36
doing their manual handling. And if you like jokes of
45:38
manual handling, you can head over to, what's our show
45:40
called on the web series? Get
45:42
Up To Fuck. Get Up To Fuck. G-U-T-F on Tony Catmell's YouTube
45:44
channel. Four episodes a day. You've never watched it before. Why not
45:46
watch it? Stick it on there now. It's on the YouTube. You
45:48
can put YouTube in the telly now. That's the new thing they're
45:50
all doing. Yeah. There's a
45:52
sketch about manual handling in there. It was a good one about Shane
45:55
Dunaem. It was written by Shane Dunaem. Tickets for my tour are on
45:57
sale now. You can get them. Link
45:59
in my Instagram. Tickets for my
46:01
tour, I once said, now you can get them, link
46:03
in my Instagram bio. Tickets for my Lele Tony show,
46:05
which is a toy show done right on Vicar Street
46:07
on December 12th. Tickets in bio, and these two are
46:09
gonna be in it as well. Bye.
46:12
Bye. There, the
46:14
dragon from Harry Potter. And
46:17
a little bit sad. It was the best
46:19
guy around. Oh my, oh my, is it
46:21
hot in here or what? You're an attractive
46:23
guy. That's the fabulous Tony Con 12. We're
46:25
talking about Shane Daniel Burrowman. The Exeter of
46:27
the World! This
46:41
show is part of the Head Stuff
46:43
Podcast Network, a hub for the creative
46:45
and the curious. Shows are
46:47
produced in association with Head Stuff and
46:49
the Podcast Studios Dublin. Find
46:51
out more or become a member at headstuffpodcasts.com.
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