Your Confident Self

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Confident women should refuse to do certain things. Why? Because their strengths lie in focusing on the right things and ignoring the wrong ones.Confident women do and think certain things, but they also avoid thinking and doing certain things. If you want to have more confidence, consider avoiding these things, too. It’s easier to climb a mountain without carrying a rock. Drop the habits and other behaviors that burden your ability to feel confident.Without these obstacles getting in your way, you’ll create a new ceiling for your confidence. Make it as easy as possible to have confidence in yourself.​Refuse to do these confidence-killing ​things:​1 ​Engage in Negative Self-Talk​You can’t feel confident and say negative things to yourself. If you want to feel positive about yourself, it helps to have a positive inner dialogue. Negative thoughts drain away positive ​energy, including the positive feelings that come with confidence.​2 ​Complain​Complaining is insidious. It suggests that you can’t fix the challenges in your life. Instead of complaining, work on a solution. Know in your heart that you can handle any challenge in your life and then do it without taking it to death.​3 ​Let a Lack of Information ​Be a Show Stopper​People that lack confidence need 100% certainty. Those that are confident can take action with far less than complete information. 70% is usually enough to get started. Be confident and get busy.​4 ​Rely on Luck​Luck is for those without the confidence to take responsibility. Wish, hope, or pray all you like, but keep moving your feet. Confident people will take luck when they get it, but they don’t rely on it. They know they will succeed without it.​5 ​Focus on Other People​Be confident that you have a good plan and are capable of executing it. Let everyone wonder what you’re doing instead of worrying about what they’re doing. If you are focusing on others who is focusing on your dreams and goals?​6 ​Apologize for Taking up Space​Show up big, bold, colorful, confident, bad-a**, etc. Don't betray yourself by shrinking from your big moments. When you are feeling yourself, let it show. Let your walk, the way you stand, the seat you choose, etc. let the room know how you feel about yourself. Don't hunch, apologize, whisper or indicate that you don't want to make a fuss. SHOW UP.​7 ​Be Overly Self-Critical​​We are too good at criticizing ourselves. What if you remind yourself of your successes and keep self-criticism ​to a minimum? Be your own best friend and supporter.​8 ​Seek Undue Attention​Confident people don’t need a lot of attention from others. If you’re confident in yourself, you’ll be too busy taking care of your business to worry about whether or not others are paying attention. Only those lacking in confidence need attention and approval.​​9 ​Invest Good Time with ​Saboteurs​There will be people who want to sabotage you. Don't give them the time ​or the place to do it. ​Unfortunately, there are a lot people in your life who don’t want to see your success rise too far above their own. If you want to maximize your self-confidence, it’s best to avoid these people as much as possible. I said they were in your life, not your circle.​10 ​Make Excuses​​Excuses are a way for those without confidence to justify quitting. If you’re confident, you don’t look for excuses. You look for solutions and then implement them. If you catch yourself making excuses, ask yourself why you’re doing it.​​How confident are you? What would happen if you could become the most confident ​woman you know? The difference in your life would be staggering.Confident ​women avoid certain things. If you want to be confident, it makes sense to avoid those same things. The question to ask yourself is 'How confident do you want to be?'.Show notes available at
Being an authentic woman means you know who you are and are confident letting the world see the real you. The word authentic means true, genuine, and real. Our social media-centric society focuses much more on appearance rather than reality. Just look at the glossy magazines with photoshopped images of supermodels or the picture-perfect Instagram feeds and you can see how easy it is to fall into the trap of becoming shallow, fake, and inauthentic.It takes courage to punch fear in the throat and live authentically.Today we look at 5 ways you can tell when you're being your authentic self.Get 3 free authenticity exercises at
Do you know what it means to be authentic? Whenever we hear the word authentic, we automatically associate it with a physical object being genuine and of high value, such as an authentic Romare Bearden painting or a natural diamond. The opposite of authentic is inauthentic - not real, fake, phony, insincere.When we think about the concept of the authentic self, most women focus mainly on being truthful and honest. These are valuable attributes, but really living an authentic life involves a lot more than just telling the truth. So, the bad news is that being honest is not enough.Today we'll look at what it means to be authentic, why we slip into being fake, and how you can make adjustments to show up as your authentic self.Get 3 free authenticity exercises at
Today we will look at 10 ways to stop your critics from stealing your dream. I never wanted to be a cop but I do love those shows. I’m fascinated by the techniques they use to prevent crimes. So I’m going to apply some of that investigative wisdom to protecting your dream.Have you ever gotten excited about doing something, only to be shot down by the people that you thought would support you? It happens all the time.Maybe you decided you wanted to train for a marathon, only for some super helpful person to reminded you that you’re not athletic and quit the last few things you tried. Or, maybe you wanted to start a business, only to be told that most businesses fail. Then you’re told that you shouldn’t bother, because you don’t have any business experience anyway. These old stories do not serve you.Life is full of critics. The more you try to accomplish, the more people you’ll have trying to stop you in one way or another.Try these ideas to Stop Your critics and live your best life:Understand the real reason for their criticism. When you try to be more than you are, it makes the people in your life uncomfortable. They’re used to you being a certain way. It also bothers them that you might become successful while they’re too afraid to change. No one wants to justify their own mediocrity.Avoid reacting. People are only rewarded for trying to hold you back if you quit or if you get upset. Stick to your plan and avoid responding in an emotional way. Just ignore them and keep on going.Consider keeping your big plans to yourself. While many success gurus recommend announcing your grand plans to the world as a means of holding yourself accountable, studies show that this hurts more people than it helps. When you let the world know what you want to accomplish, the critics crawl out of the woodwork.Avoid dwelling on the criticism. There’s no reason to sit around and stew over it. Let it go and put your attention on something that is either useful or enjoyable.Consider the source of criticism. If Stephen King has something to say about your horror novel, you’d be wise to listen. If your Uncle Joe, the plumber, is criticizing your plans for being an architect, why would you listen?Find the right people to “criticize” you. Find the right critics. These are often referred to as “mentors.” Find an expert that’s willing to take a look at what you’re doing and provide useful advice. The right mentor can save you a lot of time and speed up your success.Become even more focused. Use criticism as motivation to focus and work even harder. Show everyone what you can do. Have the last laugh.Find people who truly support you. Most people wish they had more friends. What people really need is just a couple of friends that truly want the best for you. Bette Midler won Emmys, Grammys, Golden Globes, and many other awards. She stated that the hardest part of winning any of her awards was finding someone that was truly happy for her.Cut the critics out of your life if you can. If you have things you want to accomplish, there’s no room for those who are trying to stop you. You might be hesitant to cut your critical mom out of your life, but there’s no reason to hold onto the negative friend that you’ve rarely seen since high school.Change the subject. Get your critic talking about themselves or something going on in their own life. They may soon forget about yours altogether.If you have big plans for your life, you’re going to have to deal with a lot of criticsRemember that most people choose comfort over growth, but they’re secretly frustrated with themselves because of it. Your choice to live a bigger life is an unpleasant reminder to your critics that they settled. Avoid allowing their issues to derail your dreams.Follow those dreams and go on to live the life you desire!Show notes are available at the show at
Believe it or not, how you feel about your body is an important ingredient in being confident. How confident can you feel if you're walking around in a body you hate? Or if you don't hate it, you spend a lot of time 'talking smack' about it. That works against your natural confidence. Are you wondering how to love your body? The first step is to accept your body right now. In this episode we discuss what can you do to accept your body just the way it is.Show notes available at:
Self care is powerful for every woman because it’s one of the most overlooked means of changing our lives. It's also one of the most effective tools you can use to improve the lives of the people you love. No, I’m not sleepy, I said self care is something you do for people you love. Sounds backwards, I know.This conversation about self care begins with the idea that putting yourself last is not noble.THIS EPISODE COVERS:Why we neglect ourselvesThe best way to take care of othersThe definition of self careThe dangers of ignoring self careThe benefits of self careWhy self care is powerful for womenThe top 3 negative situations that self care preventsShow notes are available at
So many of us think that success is hard and failing is easy. Wrong! It’s a lot harder to be unsuccessful. Why? Because getting stuck and STAYING stuck requires you to adopt behaviors (turn them into habits) that take a lot of work to create and maintain. Today, let's take a look at the top 3 reasons why women get stuck.Show notes are available at
A lot of people talk about reframing situations, but not a lot of people know how to do it. Today we will look at 7 situations and explore how to reframe negative situations.I have been blogging lately about self talk, to be clear, I am talking about the inner sound track of your mind. Unfortunately, a majority of people have a negative sound track that plays over and over in their head. That means, your inner critic (I call mine Wilhemina, or Willie) has easy access to you and always seems to get your attention and make you doubt yourself. Your inner critic knows all your secrets and she knows the best buttons to push to prevent you from being powerful. She is a liar, but she can be persuasive.Most of the things that I hear from my negative self talk I would never dream of saying to anyone else. And I certainly wouldn't allow anybody else to talk to me that way! And yet Wilhemina persists.There are seven situations inside, that we can break down to reframe negative situations to use positive self talk. Our goal is to have Wilhemina shut up, and we want to replace that negative talk with powerful talk.Show notes are available at
Your story can change people's lives, but you have to tell it. It's not easy to write a book, I imagine it's similar to being pregnant. Both endeavors take time, you agonize over doing things the right way, and the final result is painful before there is joy. But writing a book, or telling your story can also result in something that feels so personal that you don't feel right about selling it. Listen in as Allegra and Kim explore:Why women are hesitant to make a living off of our giftsWhat to do if you're stuck in place being resistant to charging your true valueWhy you have to practice to be a really good marketerThe value of stretching yourself until you're a little bit scaredHow to tap into being powerful without being scary or intimidatingThe gifts that come to women as they ageShow notes are available at
Stop trying to be perfect so you can build your perfectly imperfect life. I am not advocating that we aim to be mediocre (you know me better than that), but I want us to stop setting ourselves up for failure.Aiming for perfection can lead you to succeed in your life and work. But, nothing will break your confidence down like unrealistic expectations and undue pressure from a quest to be perfect. It's exhausting and can become a huge burden. And deep down, you probably know that your expectations of yourself and others are a little out of control.It's better to build something imperfect than wait to build something perfect. Get it built! Then tweak it.HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM PERFECTIONISM:If your perfectionism is interfering with your ability to form and maintain relationships, get satisfaction from your work, increase your confidence, etc., here are some strategies to break free:Breaking your big stuff down into small, do-able steps and focus on each oneGive yourself a breakView the world in colors and levelsLean on humorShow notes are available at
IN TODAY'S PODCAST YOU WILL LEARN:Listen to find out what Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek the Next Generation has to do with setting personal boundaries. You can establish healthy personal boundaries with these tips:Communicate openly about what your boundaries areValue yourselfDefine yourselfPlace a higher priority on yourselfIdentify where you need to tweak your boundariesMake your boundaries firm, reasonable and clear.Be flexible.Learn to love saying noHaving boundaries is an exercise in caring for and respecting yourself. You have the right to expect a certain level of respect and consideration from others.Show notes are available at
For some of life's biggest battles, we have to fight like a girl. Kelly is many things besides being a breast cancer survivor. She's a daughter, a mother, a friend, a student, etc. A divorced mother of 2 girls, her first response to her diagnosis was terror and worry about leaving her daughters without a mother. In this episode she shares her life-changing story.A huge proponent of breast self exams, Kelly noticed changes in her breasts and went to her doctor for follow-up. She credits that early detection with saving her life and the lives of many other women. Throughout her 3-year journey she used information and action to punch cancer in the throat and she continues to apply her new system to facing down every fear in her life.Show notes available at
You want to find your lane (your purpose) so that you can get in your lane and stay there, right? I've been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about intention, focus, purpose, fighting fear, etc. Basically I have been thinking about all the things that will prevent you from stepping into and living out your purpose. One of things I think really distracts a lot of us is too many options.If you have multiple talents, it can be harder for you than for others to figure out which one talent you want to focus on in this moment. It sounds so weird, but I sometimes feel sorry for people who are good at too many things. I tell my brother and sister all the time, because they are both really smart, that I realize it can be really hard to figure out what they want to do with their lives because they are good at so many things. Who knew being really talented could be a blessing and a curse?I think the inability to identify your ’highest purpose' or at least the skill that you want to focus on right now is tough. Maybe you aren’t ready to do your highest work right now, but you would like to pick one of the things you are fabulous at to start with. The inability to narrow that list down, is what prevents so many of us from doing so many of the things we say we want to do and what the universe really needs for us to do. Keep reading to discover how to find your lane so you can get in it.Show notes are available at
It's a lot easier to say I can't, than it is to say, I'm scared. But that's precisely what we are really saying when we hide from success and ignore new opportunities. The goal of today's show is to provide understanding of how 'I Can't' damages you.If you fall victim to a negative 'I Can't' attitude, it can poison nearly every aspect of your life. It can affect your business plans, career goals, and even personal relationships. Oh, the horror! In today's show, I take aim at 'I Can't' and provide 4 steps for putting that attitude in its place.Full show notes are available at
Have you ever wondered how some women make all the right connections? Have you ever wanted to get better at making connections with people and stop simply exchanging business cards that you lose or forget about while they gather dust in the drawer? I’m talking about meaningful connections! It’s so critical to make the right connections when building your business. Today, my fabulous guest, Dr. Sandi Eveleth, shares precisely how she does that, and how you can do it, tooShow notes are available at
Holding onto past mistakes makes you fat. Huh? I'm always looking for a new reason why I'm 'fluffy', so if you're like me the opening of this podcast just made your day. Hang on, and grab your big girl panties, because I'm probably not headed where you think."I believe that anything that makes you feel shame, or lowers your self esteem makes you fat. How? Because it weighs you down. #allegraism"I believe that anything that makes you feel shame, or lowers your self esteem makes you fat. How? Because it weighs you down. When you think heavy thoughts, your body responds by holding onto extra calories and you get fat. Sometimes our fat isn't the physical fat we can see. Sometimes our fat is the more insidious fat that hides inside our minds. In this episode we look at how the mind fat can be worse than physical fat because that is harder to detect and get rid of. Now before you jump on me, I know losing physical fat isn't easy, let's take a deep breath.Show notes are available at
Today is one of those days in which a gigantic lesson revealed itself when I was least expecting it. It's funny how often that happens. In the midst of a tough day, full of grief and disappointment, I had a relevation that I just had to share.In This Episode...Back from a hiatus, this first episode of the new season of the Your Confident Self Podcast is small but mighty. Just like the gigantic lesson inside!I wasn't expecting to find anything deep on this day and I definitely wasn't expecting too much from a trip to the grocery store. I shop all the time when I'm doing a Whole30 because fresh, whole foods need to be purchased when they are 'fresh'. But my day took a weird turn that filled me with unexpected gifts.Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do with the energy created?Show notes available at
In this episode of the podcast, Kim Doyal and I discuss:How you can get confident enough to start being your authentic selfWhat will happen when you really show upHow she called me on my stuff, so that I would show up moreHow to begin to show upWhy podcasting is so powerful, the beauty of audioWhy women need to stop apologizing for running a business and earning moneyIf you can be too specific in trying to target an audienceShow notes are available at
We admire women that never seem to give up. But while we're admiring them it makes us a bit sad because we realize that we give up far too quickly. It’s not something we’re proud of, and we're haunted by the idea of how much more we could have accomplished with just a little more determination.Most women have no idea why they give up quickly, but this behavior is something you can definitely change. The first step is to gain some insight into why women give up before they succeed.In this episode I look at 1 big reason and 5 smaller reasons why women give up before they become successful. You can find your reason and create a plan to be successful in spite of it.Full show notes are available at
Let's talk about how you gave up on the dream career you want. Once you have given up, what are you supposed to do next? First, a little background.One of the most important things about hope is that it prevents you from giving up. You may be thinking, you haven’t given up on anything. Are you sure?I ended a recent podcast episode by saying one of the most important things about hope is that it prevents you from giving up. (If you need to learn the basics of the power of hope, be sure to go back and listen to Episode 062.) I also pointed out that some people may have given up even though they aren't aware of it.In this week's episode I'll help you figure out:The different forms of giving upIf you have given upWhat to do if you gave up but you're ready to try againGiving up can be disguised as:Making the best of the current situation instead of trying to make changes, i.e., telling yourself you really like staying where you are.Only showing up with 50% of yourself and 50%o f your potential, because that's good enough.Protecting yourself by expecting less out of life, acting as if you will feel less disappointment if you expect less from your life.Sabotaging yourself from doing bigger things i.e., missing the deadline to apply for a job or educationa; opportunity.Wallowing in self-doubt, playing the victim, so that giving up on your dream is not your fault.How to Move ForwardForget that you gave up on your dream career. Give yourself a little grace and forgive yourself for old decisions. When we know better, we do better.Invest 30-40 minutes in remembering what your dream was, adapting it to your current situation, and picking 2 action steps you can take to move toward the dream and giving yourself a deadline.You don't have to do this alone. If you have friends who are also living smaller than they are capable of, you could form a mastermind group or a sister circle and hold each other accountable for making changes. Today, not some day. Do I sound like this is urgent? Good, because it is.Show notes can be found at
If you change the content you see, your life will improve. You may not realize it, but you are ‘bathed’ in content every day. And the content you see affects you in many ways. If you expose yourself to a lot of negative content, you will experience anxiety and self-doubt frequently.In fact, absorb enough negative content and you will start having epic levels of self doubt. But, if you bathe yourself in positive content, your life will improve.For the purpose of this discussion, anything that is not positive, is negative.When you expose yourself to negative messages often, you train your brain to think negatively about everything. You will begin to fret about things that will probably never happen. This leads to worries about your health, your relationships, your finances, etc.Excessive worrying can even lead to feelings of high anxiety and make you feel physically ill, according to WebMD. Once this has been going on awhile, you are rewarded with a testy attitude and constant negative thoughts.This is important to tackle because chronic negativity can really harm you. (OK, the article says it can kill you, but I wanted to be a little more positive.)If you've been around here for a while you know I don’t point out problems and then leave you hanging without a solution. You can combat the effects of all this negative content by exposing yourself to positive content throughout your day.Show notes available at
I thought LinkedIn was a place to post your resume if you were actively looking for a job. And that's all I did, check in every 4 years or so and make a half-hearted attempt at keeping my resume updated. Usually I would hop on there when I started getting a bunch of email notifications that people were congratulating me on a work anniversary for a company I'd left several years before. I’m comfortable not knowing everything and I love finding people who I can tap into for specific expertise. And today's guest is a LinkedIn rockstar. Donna Serdula started on LinkedIn back in 2005, so she is the perfect person to bring all the LinkedIn knowledge.In this episode we discussed:The one thing you SHOULD NOT do on LinkedIn. Why people love LinkedInIf LinkedIn isn't about job search what IS it about?The top 3 specific reasons that professional women need to be on LinkedInHow LinkedIn has changed over timeWhat you should do if your struggle to get started with LinkedInThe new way people are using LinkedIN more and moreHow to request recommendations on the platformThings you can do on LinkedIn weekly that will have impact without making your lose your mindShownotes available at
Many women struggle with what other people think of us. That mis-placed focus is very common even though you know how dangerous it can be to base your self-esteem on the way someone else chooses to treat you.However, the danger is magnified when abuse comes from the closest possible person--yourself! You need to know how to get out an abusive relationship with yourself.This is definitely a Big Girl Panties episode as we take a deep look at whether we've created an abusive relationship that we need to address.Show notes available at
Breakthroughs are one of the joys I find in working with my coaching clients. They will tell me things that they've been working on, or new skills they have been trying out at work and how it worked really well for them.When they tell me their good results, they kind of gloss over them and race past the breakthroughs that make me want to jump up and down and cheer. Often my clients miss the smaller moments of how their lives are changing and how they're improving. And I delight in slowing them down and pointing out the victories.This episode is to invite you to have that kind of joyful jolt of electricity that i got when I took the time to evaluate the changes I was experiencing. When I slowed down and paid attention to myself with a different perspective I saw new things.Show notes are available at:
I can't wait for you to get into how yoga can lead to radical self care. Today's guest is fiyah! When Rev. Shelley visited her first yoga studio, she crawled away. While she had been interested in yoga for a long time, the reality of being ‘othered’ in her first attempt to learn yoga stopped her in her tracks. Her perception of a yoga afficionado didn’t look like herself and this was borne out by the behavior of the people at the first studio she visited. Being ignored by the majority is common for people of color, but being ignored based on her size was something very different.Rev. Dr. Shelley Best is now a master practitioner in the art of of radical self care. She pursued a passion for yoga after reaching the age of 50 and is all about personal and community transformation. Her mission is to serve others by example. Listen to find out how she finds the courage to live confidently in the face of resistance.Show notes are available at
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Podcast Details

Sep 27th, 2013
Latest Episode
Jan 28th, 2020
Release Period
No. of Episodes
Avg. Episode Length
20 minutes

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