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today. Find Jinx in your local

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Walmart. Hello,

1:25

Jeffrey here. I

1:27

am so excited to share the first

1:29

episode of our brand new show, World

1:32

Gone Wrong, a fictional chat show

1:34

about friendship at the end of

1:36

the world. Eleanor

1:39

and I have been hard at work over

1:41

the last six months to create the show.

1:44

And while it is stylistically very

1:46

different from Onwell, I think

1:48

you'll find we're wrestling with a lot

1:50

of very similar stuff. This

1:52

show also stars Michael Tarentine and

1:55

Hillary Williams, who played Wes and

1:57

Joey in Onwell. episodes

2:00

are written by Jessica Best, who is

2:02

a writer on all five seasons of

2:05

Unwell. We hope

2:07

you'll take a moment right now to

2:09

go subscribe to World Gone Wrong in

2:11

whatever podcast player you're using, and thank

2:14

you again so much for listening. Now,

2:17

here's episode 101 of

2:20

World Gone Wrong. Can

2:22

you shame Cone a werewolf? Thing

2:28

is, it's not that hard. Okay, but it's

2:31

not straightforward either. The calendar isn't really.

2:33

All you have to do is lie to

2:35

a period truck at one time and bam,

2:37

there it is, never caught by surprise again.

2:39

Oh hey! Right? It's called

2:41

a cycle for a reason, not like

2:43

it stops. Mmm, yes. Oh

2:45

no. Yep. All those scientifically,

2:48

how would that even... How does anything

2:50

happen these days? Who are you

2:52

recording? I am, are you? Hello

2:54

and welcome to episode 1 of

2:56

World Gone Wrong with Malik and

2:58

Jamie. I'm Malik, and

3:02

it's... Jamie, I'm Jamie. So,

3:05

like we said, this is World

3:07

Gone Wrong, and we are

3:10

here to discuss and explain

3:25

our ever-changing reality in ways that

3:27

inform and entertain you. You know,

3:29

the listener, who will hopefully exist

3:31

at some point. Fingers crossed. My dad said

3:34

he'd listen. Oh, then hello and

3:36

welcome to Jamie's dad. Hi dad.

3:38

What if we narrowcast this? Did a whole

3:40

episode just for your dad? Like... Yeah, it'd

3:42

be like ID jokes, gardening

3:44

tips, recipes for squash, um,

3:46

I don't know how to hand-mend something. I need

3:49

to know that. Yeah, listen, he's getting into it.

3:51

Maybe next episode. So,

3:53

we are here. Yes, I am

3:56

your dashing Chicago correspondent, and Jamie

3:58

is your equally dashing co-host, broadcasting

4:00

all the way from scenic small town Colorado.

4:02

How is it out there, Jamie? It's...

4:05

Pat, have you seen the news about... Yeah, are

4:07

you guys okay? I mean, I assumed when

4:09

you didn't answer the call like screaming, but... We are. And

4:12

okay, answering your first question, it's weird.

4:17

Are you okay? How's Chicago? Fine.

4:20

And weird. Yeah. So

4:22

the show! I

4:25

think we said we would look at

4:27

the current moment, everything that's happening, and

4:29

take it one catastrophe at a time.

4:31

And today's episode, we were starting simple

4:33

with werewolves. Werewolves! But before we get

4:36

into that, some quick background? Like who are

4:38

these people in your ears right now? Oh,

4:40

that makes sense, yeah. We are two younger

4:42

millennials, which is to say our world's been

4:44

rushing down the drain basically since we've been

4:46

aware of it. When we first moved in

4:48

together, we decided to throw a Halloween party.

4:50

While we were choosing the music, we realized

4:52

each of us had a playlist of upbeat

4:55

tunes about the end of the world. And

4:57

I think that outlook uniquely qualifies us to

4:59

comment on everything happening now. Okay, two

5:01

things, never talk about that party again. And

5:03

second, does that qualify

5:05

us? Have you heard the boomers try to

5:07

make sense of this? We are experts compared to them. What

5:10

else? We met on Craigslist, which sounds

5:13

like medium sketchy. Only if you say

5:15

it like that. Yeah, we're roommates.

5:17

Normally we're roommates. Temporarily estranged

5:19

roommates. Once and future roommates.

5:21

Roommates, but right now the

5:23

room in question is half

5:25

the US. Maybe a third.

5:27

There's a lot of West where I'm at.

5:29

Yeah. Last month Jamie decided to

5:32

go stay with family for a

5:34

while for, you know, the unpleasantness.

5:36

Now that is a euphemism. Okay,

5:38

the great infuckening, in which all

5:40

was mercilessly infuckened. Voice of a

5:42

generation over here. I'll take it. And this show

5:44

is our little project to keep from going

5:47

stir crazy and also to stay in touch

5:49

despite the many cruel miles of American geography

5:51

that seeks to part us. For the

5:53

record, my idea was a group chat. Yeah,

5:55

but this way I get to hear your dulcet

5:57

tones and we get to share our thoughts with the world.

6:00

world of your dad. Plus

6:02

a group chat wouldn't be half as loud. We

6:04

have a whole, we have a range of decibels

6:06

to explore. We can whisper. We can shout. We

6:08

can sing. Oh, thank

6:11

you. Yeah, was it A? Sure.

6:16

So what are we? What's the,

6:19

what do we want to talk about? I actually

6:21

have an advice question for us. This

6:23

is episode one. How do you, where

6:26

did you get a question from? I

6:28

may have scraped right at for

6:30

future episodes. Listeners, Jamie said, feel

6:32

free to write in. We can anonymize you

6:34

if something's embarrassing. We're here to help. Is

6:36

that the name of the segment? Oh yeah.

6:39

Okay. Welcome to we're here to help

6:41

our first ever segment. It's not

6:43

hard to tell the world is

6:45

unwell, but we are here to

6:48

help. That was incredible.

6:50

Did you write that ahead of time?

6:52

Oh gosh, not at all. That was me living

6:54

in the moment. So this

6:56

is from our slash dogs, which you'd think

6:58

would be getting a lot more traffic since I

7:01

think most of that is a new

7:03

sub Reddit. Our diagnose me. That's a

7:05

big one. Our near misses are, oh

7:07

God, oh God, oh God help. We

7:09

think these people are opening Reddit mid wolf attack.

7:11

They really could be in shock. Who wouldn't be

7:14

Jamie, if you'd like to do the honors. Cool.

7:17

So my five year old

7:19

dog pepper got bitten last week. We took

7:22

him to the vet and he's all patched

7:24

up with minimal blood loss, a

7:26

real roller coaster of an opening there. Uh, I

7:29

told the vet it was a coyote

7:31

just to be safe. And I think

7:33

she believed to me, but he's a

7:35

Pekingese. So my main worry is that

7:38

when he changes, he'll try getting into

7:40

fights with much bigger animals. He could

7:42

really hurt himself. Any suggestions. Wow. Okay.

7:46

It's a tough one, right? I think we've

7:48

all had to brush up on how to evade

7:50

werewolves in the past couple of weeks, but I

7:52

haven't heard anything on how to protect a werewolf

7:54

or dog wolf. In this case last week, I

7:57

would have said, Hey, are we sure that a non-human

7:59

animal can even. like anthropy? Oh,

8:01

he was so young. But

8:04

then Bloomfield Hills happened. Bloomfield, which

8:06

one was that? You didn't hear

8:08

about this? It's all over the

8:10

local news. Oh. So Bloomfield Hills,

8:12

very rich suburb of Detroit. Some

8:14

people out there have horses, not

8:16

like cowboys, obviously. Equestrians. A horse

8:18

got bitten? Yeah, it was bad.

8:20

You don't always think about how

8:22

big a horse is, how fast

8:24

it can go. Then you're staring

8:26

down a supercharged horse-wolf hybrid that

8:28

wants your blood. At first, the

8:30

people there thought they were safe because it was like in

8:32

a paddock. Oh, but obviously the horse-wolf knocked

8:34

it down. Like so much wet cardboard.

8:36

Even without the otherworldly strength, I think like

8:39

a normal wolf-wolf could have gotten out. People

8:41

just aren't prepared for that in the suburbs.

8:44

What's been bitten in your side of the woods? We

8:46

had a few bighorn sheep go wolf. They injured

8:49

some hunters. Someone came back the next day and

8:51

got them. Also, um, there

8:54

was this raccoon in our yard last

8:56

week, last full moon. Uh-huh. At

8:58

first, my dad thought the raccoon had rabies.

9:00

It was so aggressive. I mean,

9:02

it could have still been rabies. Are you gonna

9:04

tell me what this raccoon was doing or do

9:06

I have to rely on my finely honed imagination?

9:09

Dad said he thought it was

9:11

definitely a raccoon. It had the tail,

9:13

but he thought take down a wounded

9:15

bat. Take down and then eat.

9:17

So the upside is no matter what,

9:19

we don't have to contend with whereabouts. Again,

9:21

yet. Yet.

9:25

It was moving faster than an animal should be able

9:27

to move, so he didn't get a great line of

9:29

sight, but he thought it had more of a snout

9:31

than usual and longer legs, bigger teeth. Oh, your dad

9:33

didn't get bit, did he? Oh, he stayed in

9:35

the house. We both did. Even if it was

9:37

just rabies, there's no way we're tangling with that.

9:41

You know I would have led with that if my

9:43

dad had mysterious bite marks right now. Yeah.

9:46

When I say fine, I mean fine. Okay,

9:48

nobody on the planet is actually doing fine.

9:50

You know what I mean. We

9:52

grade on a curve. I know. You

9:55

have to trust me that things are, I

9:57

don't know, adequate. In that case, if nobody... but

10:00

the bat was hurt. Not to

10:02

get pedantic. Yeah. Where bat? The

10:04

thought is that where actually means

10:06

man. A Batman? Oh wait,

10:08

a Batman would actually be a big help right

10:10

now. That depends on which run you're, you know

10:12

what, okay, we're not gonna get into that now.

10:14

Yeah, stakes are high. Oops. Stakes. Wait,

10:16

stakes are vampires. That's not a pun. Big

10:19

relief. Okay, so saving the life of Pepper

10:21

the Pekingese. Well, the good thing is, they've

10:23

got time. They've got- At

10:26

the time of recording, we had a

10:28

full moon a week ago. Assuming this

10:30

was posted today, they've got about three

10:32

weeks. Like I said, unlike werewolves themselves,

10:34

or pod people, or anything

10:36

else in that vein, the moon cycle doesn't sneak

10:38

up on you. Three weeks to do what?

10:40

Get your dog fitted for an extra strength muzzle. Maybe

10:43

that sounds harsh, but it beats the alternatives. So

10:46

I have a creeping suspicion you don't know

10:48

what a Pekingese is. Well, they're small, right?

10:50

I'm not saying it'd be easy to find

10:52

one that fits. It's just, you know- Jamie,

10:54

my sweet Jamie. What I need

10:57

you to do right now is pause the show and

10:59

Google image search one of these suckers. Okay, hang on.

11:01

I am- Oh.

11:04

Oh. Yep. That

11:06

is one flat, tiny little baby

11:09

face. And yeah, he'll have a snout

11:11

once he changes, but I don't know how you'd

11:13

find anything that would stay comfortable before and after.

11:15

Plus, do we even know if- Okay,

11:17

so a dog can get the bite and

11:20

transform, but does that bite still- Does that still

11:22

spread it? I don't know, but that is like, do not

11:24

take that gamble. Because like, I'm not saying I'm

11:26

not worried about this Pekingese attempting to start something

11:28

with a bigger Whirlwolf. Or even just an

11:30

actual coyote. Or like a large cat. I mean,

11:32

these guys really are the size of a lunchbox.

11:34

But my thing is, if a tiny dog wolf

11:36

bites your ankle and that's enough to spread it,

11:39

that feels maybe even more dangerous than a really

11:41

big- even the horse wolf. Like

11:43

a fanged, muscled horse charging at you with

11:45

murder in its eyes, you clear the area.

11:47

But people don't see a Pekingese and think,

11:50

run. Just like how more people

11:52

die each year from falling live screen TVs than

11:54

shark attacks. Really? Yeah, I forget the actual number,

11:56

but I think it's around twice as many. We

11:59

know to feel- sharks. We think about those

12:01

pointy toothy killing machines and we go, maybe

12:03

a pool instead. But there's no primal part

12:05

of your brain whispering, hey, that TV is

12:08

heavier than it looks. Okay, in

12:10

defense of TVs, sharks are also

12:12

not that dangerous. You

12:14

know, in the time since you left, somehow

12:16

I forgot you're a self-appointed shark lawyer. I'm

12:18

just saying. Objection you're on, I'm just saying

12:21

sharks have tiny prehistoric brains and they approach

12:23

the world teeth first because that's how they

12:25

are made. Even if a shark tries

12:27

to bite you and frankly is not

12:29

a given that they will try to bite you, you can generally

12:32

get out of it by swapping them on

12:34

the nose. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're

12:36

telling me that if a wild shark

12:38

sunk its many gigantic teeth into your

12:40

one fragile human body, you, Jamie, would

12:42

be able to thwap? You are so

12:45

shark week pill. If

12:47

I'm a shark lawyer, you're

12:49

a shark prosecutor. Oh,

12:51

shark law, court of sharks. I

12:54

would watch that show. Take a bite out of crime. Wait,

12:56

that's McGruff, the crime dog. That's a

12:59

separate issue. Okay, wait, sorry. Remember when

13:01

we tried to explain about the whole cartoon trench coat

13:04

snitch dog thing to Edidi? So speaking

13:06

of dogs, speaking of this

13:08

poor, terrified pet owner, there

13:12

are two main problems. A,

13:14

pepper gets hurt. B, pepper

13:16

spreads lycanthropy, either to other animals or to

13:19

humans in his circle. All of which is

13:21

to say, I think step

13:23

one is to just accept that once

13:25

a month, you have an indoor

13:27

dog. Wait, so to protect the neighborhood

13:29

animals, we're locking the dog wolf in with a

13:31

bunch of people. I don't want

13:34

to be chased by a squirrel wolf or a deer

13:36

wolf any more than you do, but like people, Jamie.

13:38

First of all, if we want to minimize

13:40

the spread, a bitten person knows how to

13:42

take precautions and a bitten anything

13:45

else does not. So the dog

13:47

owner surrenders to a lifetime of werewolfism.

13:50

There's a joke here about people looking like their pets, but I

13:52

won't go there. Second of all, a Pekingese

13:55

looks like it's about as big as a very

13:58

large loaf of bread. to do

14:00

is lock it in whatever room you care about

14:02

the least. No amount of wolf is gonna change

14:04

the fact that it can't reach the doorknob. What

14:06

if the questioner lives in a studio? Nobody

14:08

with Pekingese money lacks multiple door

14:11

money. Doesn't mean they're spending it

14:13

that way. Also, the dog could be a

14:15

gift or from when they had more money. People come

14:17

down in the world sometimes. Touche. And

14:19

even if you have a two bedroom, that's still basically

14:21

destroying a huge chunk of your living space like 12

14:23

times a year. Everything at Pekingese height

14:25

only and you take your valuables out before.

14:28

I hear you, but the floor. Yeah. You

14:31

are never, ever getting your deposit back. Do

14:34

you usually get your deposit back?

14:37

Pooh. Landlords, ugh. Go figure,

14:39

the one thing in the world that doesn't

14:41

change. You know what else though? What? We

14:43

are assuming this little guy can't jump. Probably

14:46

not high with those tiny little legs. Every

14:48

inch he can gain increases the zone of

14:50

destruction. There are drawbacks. I

14:53

think the solution is clear. You do. You

14:56

drug the dog. Okay. You what? I mean,

14:58

according to what I've heard, that's already what

15:00

the rich are doing when they get bitten.

15:02

Knock themselves out, wake up the next morning

15:04

a little groggy. So you go back to

15:06

the vet, talk your way into some supplies

15:08

and then every four weeks you have a

15:10

tiny, snoring little dog wolf by the side

15:12

of your bed. Faith and adorable.

15:14

Talk your way into

15:17

the vet, giving you

15:19

animal tranquilizers. Yeah.

15:22

Okay, Malik, what does that

15:24

sound like? It sounds very charming

15:27

because the safety of you and anyone

15:29

you live with is on the

15:31

line. Flirt with the veterinarian. That's

15:34

your plan. Do you also sweet talk

15:36

them into describing the correct dosage for

15:38

your dog? Maybe it's more of a

15:40

bribe. So we're relying on the vet

15:42

being corrupt. Hey, you've lived in Chicago for years.

15:44

You know how it is. The fix is

15:46

in. And if you get the

15:48

one honest vet in town, keep in

15:50

mind, what it's actually gonna sound like

15:52

is not, oh, I'm protecting my living

15:54

situation from the world's tiniest

15:57

shape shifter. It's gonna sound like you

15:59

wanna get high. high enough

16:01

to knock out a Pekingese.

16:03

That's my dog, hi Amy.

16:05

Okay, wait, compromise.

16:08

We marry your plan with my plan. How?

16:10

I'm not saying it's a loving marriage, it's more

16:13

of a marriage of convenience. Malik, what

16:15

are the compromises? I'll explain after

16:18

this commercial break. Wait, wait,

16:20

we have commercials? Okay,

16:23

on episode one of this show, how is this

16:25

even possible? Allow me to explain

16:27

during our commercial break. Aha! This

16:30

episode is brought to you

16:32

by Jinx, the super food powered dog cable everyone's been talking about.

16:37

This episode has brought to by the

16:39

Superfood Power Dog cable everyone's been talking

16:42

about. See the results for yourself and

16:44

try their one month transformation. Within the

16:46

first few weeks you'll see how genes

16:48

can help with your dogs energy, mood,

16:51

and even digestion. and it's all thanks

16:53

to the high quality ingredients that use

16:55

like organic chicken, Atlantic salmon, and grass

16:57

fed beef. Try the one month transformation

17:00

today Fine Cheeks and your local Walmart.

17:06

Thanks for supporting the Fable and Folly

17:08

Network. Here's another show we

17:10

know you'll love. I

17:13

got this really strange email last night.

17:16

I need to see what's going on with this mystery

17:18

file. Hey, it's a map of

17:21

a town called Ocean Bay. Someone

17:23

sent these images to you for a reason.

17:27

I'm so lost right now. When

17:29

was the last time you chose a direction

17:31

and followed it? I'm

17:33

going to Ocean Bay. We

17:37

don't get many tourists this time of year. Ocean

17:40

Bay is a friendly town, but we're not that

17:43

friendly. I never sent

17:45

you an email. I don't even know you.

17:48

And why exactly are you here? The

17:51

map is the reason we're here. Maps

17:54

help when you're lost. Do

17:56

you know what a trap street is? Trap

17:58

streets aren't real. They don't

18:01

exist. Don't trust anyone unless

18:03

they give you a reason to trust them.

18:06

I think you said... How could

18:08

so much damage happen to a human body in

18:10

such a short period of time? What

18:12

the hell is going on here? From

18:15

the creators of Strange Air, this

18:18

is Trap Street. So maps can

18:20

have secrets. Yes,

18:23

maps can have secrets. Follow

18:26

and hear new episodes of Trap Street,

18:28

anywhere you listen to podcasts. Hello

18:40

again, and we're back with my

18:42

brilliant solution. Jamie's plan merged

18:44

with mine. Okay, so you go to

18:47

the vet, you don't try to seduce them, and you

18:49

don't try to slip them a crisp 20. You

18:52

were only going to bribe them with $20?

18:54

For what? A dog's lifetime worth of tranquilizer?

18:57

I would leave room to bargain. If you start

18:59

out high, they don't respect you. And you crave

19:01

the respect of a vet, craving enough to sell?

19:04

No, I crave the savings. Life is so

19:06

expensive. Keep in mind, you've got

19:08

to be able to afford to feed a pint-sized wolf

19:10

once a month. I really doubt he's going to settle

19:12

for kibble. Also, the therapy bills

19:14

for you and everyone you live with. Also that.

19:17

So, okay, the compromise. You go back to the

19:19

vet, who may be a wonderful person. I don't

19:21

know why we keep smearing this imaginary stranger's name.

19:24

You say, hey, I'm sorry, but my dog won't stop

19:26

trying to bite at the spot you patched up. Oh.

19:30

Yeah, you get a shame cone. You,

19:34

and this is very key, you put the

19:36

cone on the dog before he transforms. And

19:38

then you lock him in. See,

19:41

this part is, it's still a problem because not everyone has

19:43

multiple rooms. But you get where I'm going. You

19:46

gain a layer of extra protection and your dog won't be able to

19:48

chew through a door. That would be a

19:50

lot of chewing. Hmm. How much door

19:52

could a wolf dog chaw if a wolf dog could

19:54

chaw door? I guess, even if it

19:56

can't get through, it could gradually weaken the

19:58

door. So not to none. But six

20:00

transformations from now. That's right. A weredog is

20:03

a pet for life. Don't get one now

20:05

because it's trendy folks You're making a commitment

20:07

to a whole lifestyle until scientists figure

20:09

out how to reverse Lickanthropy you think there's

20:11

gonna be a cure you don't how could

20:13

you undo changing into a different animal every

20:15

month? Just because I can't describe it doesn't

20:18

mean it's impossible I haven't read

20:20

enough about quantum physics to truly understand it, but

20:22

we still have all these particles There's

20:24

faith in science and then there's science

20:26

zealotry look Yeah, we don't

20:28

really know we don't know if there's a

20:30

way to undo this but given that we

20:32

don't know Let's say it's a coin flip

20:34

on a coin. We can't see an invisible

20:36

coin All right What what do we

20:38

gain by acting like we're all doomed forever? Even

20:41

if that's the answer why live in that

20:43

space right now when we don't have to

20:45

it'll save you the disappointment later Is

20:48

it worth living in fear? Shit.

20:51

Yeah. No. No. No. I mean I solved

20:53

the door problem You have you put a

20:55

cone on the dog and then lock him

20:57

in the bathroom Even a studio

20:59

generally has a bathroom door He's less likely to claw

21:02

up the tile floor and what's he gonna do in

21:04

there bite your toilet? Plus when he

21:06

feels the lupine need to mark the territory. That's

21:08

a way easier mess to clean I swear I

21:10

am NOT trying to poke holes in this but

21:14

Do your bathroom doors lock from the outside

21:16

you barricade the door? Barricade

21:18

it worked in lame is it did not work

21:20

in lame is that's like a huge part of

21:23

lame is wait Jamie

21:25

Remember the door doesn't need to lock neither dogs

21:28

nor wolves have hands. Oh, we

21:30

forgot about pause Okay,

21:32

not our brightest man In

21:35

our defense, we're not working in our areas

21:37

of expertise next advice column

21:39

I'll find someone whose problem involves

21:41

werewolves and Cooking the Dewey decimal

21:43

system versus the Library of Congress

21:46

women's hockey and the drama surrounding

21:48

women's hockey It's not my fault. They keep

21:50

marrying players from rival teams or we can do

21:52

one for me like help I'm running from this

21:54

wolf bear monster and I also really need someone

21:56

to analyze the themes and this stands up Okay

21:58

show off writing teaching study being and performing

22:01

your poetry Swiss army knife. A

22:03

jack of several trades. Okay, so

22:06

back to it. We shame cone Pepper,

22:08

put him in the bathroom, and shut

22:10

the door until it clicks. Did

22:13

we just solve it? There's only one problem.

22:16

One? Okay, good. That's just

22:18

one problem. I think my sister said that dogs don't

22:20

really like having those cones on. You know, it doesn't

22:22

get to be called of shame if the wearer actually

22:24

has a good time. The dog might

22:26

not like it, but if that's due it, then

22:29

it can't actually be harmful. And I don't think

22:31

any of us would like becoming a werewolf. You're

22:34

on team cone now? Team cone and

22:36

team door. You just, you post a sign over

22:38

the knob so you don't forget. Not to crack open

22:40

the door behind which a serious loaf sized wolf

22:42

is going on a rampage. You don't even need

22:45

a sign. But. What? What

22:47

if you have to use the bathroom at

22:49

any point during the night? You visit the

22:51

all night diner across the street by a

22:53

cup of coffee. Do you know any 24

22:55

hour places that are still open every night of

22:58

the moon cycle these days? And what if they

23:00

live in the suburbs or the middle of nowhere?

23:02

Yeah, right. Or any other place where you

23:04

don't wanna be out at night. Yeah, that's

23:06

not ideal. I guess you could have

23:08

a designated bedpan. Ugh,

23:10

gross. That's your

23:12

line in the sand? I think it is. You

23:15

know what else we're forgetting? What? A dog

23:18

isn't a person. You can kennel a dog. Kennel!

23:20

Just put the dog in its cage for

23:22

a night. You don't even have to trank

23:24

him or cone him. Although. What?

23:27

How strong is your average dog cage and how

23:29

strong is your average dog wolf? Are we talking

23:32

about a dog wolf or are we talking about

23:34

a fuzzy basketball with legs? I think we have

23:36

to assume that even a normally defenseless

23:38

animal can do a lot of damage

23:40

if you give it preternatural strength and

23:43

angry wolf thought. That's

23:45

why regular werewolves are dangerous in the first place, isn't

23:47

it? Did you see that video from

23:49

Maine of that guy? Of course. I

23:52

do think it was probably staged. Based on what?

23:54

Oh, first of all, I

23:57

do not think of TikTok as the home of

23:59

serious. It's the

24:01

algorithm mathematically guessing what you're likely to

24:03

stare at. And second, real

24:05

special effects people have put out videos explaining how

24:08

you can fake those visuals. I hope you're right

24:10

because the way he rips it in too. It could be

24:12

a deep fake. It could be a clip from

24:14

some obscure movie. I think we both would have said

24:16

the same thing about werewolves a few months ago. And look where

24:18

we are now. Look where we are, literally.

24:20

Look at the rest of it. Like all the...

24:23

what did I say before? The great befuckinging.

24:25

These are exactly the scenarios where

24:27

misinformation spreads the fastest. Everyone's

24:30

scared and some people think they stand to gain from

24:32

that. Part of the human

24:34

condition, unfortunately. The look on his face though.

24:36

That's why I think it's a movie. From

24:39

what I've read, the lighting makes no sense for

24:41

the time of day. Besides, who would film something

24:43

like that and have the presence of mind to

24:45

zoom in on his expression? You'd

24:48

think a bystander would be way more worried about

24:50

the claws and the, I don't know, collateral damage.

24:53

You think? Also, the sound

24:55

quality is suspiciously good. No

24:57

wind. No ambient noise. Yeah.

25:00

It would be irresponsible of us to spread hysteria. Plus,

25:04

we still owe the questioner a response. They're

25:06

just some Redditor. They're not gonna hear this.

25:09

They might. I guess. Then

25:11

I guess we need an answer. Thank

25:13

you. For what? For providing

25:16

this segue. Okay, so you do

25:18

everything. First, and I cannot believe

25:20

we didn't mention this yet, you protect everyone else who

25:22

lives there. You invest in some

25:24

steel-toed boots and leg armor. Leg armor. If you

25:26

think there isn't already, as we speak, a place

25:29

on the internet where you can buy chainmail socks,

25:31

then you and I are on very different internets.

25:34

Chainmail socks? Chainmail pants? Tell me you

25:36

haven't seen some Renfaire entrepreneur out there.

25:38

Okay, hold on. The Renfaire scene and

25:40

the TT RPG scene are different. Have

25:43

you seriously never played D&D? I

25:45

made a half a character sheet five years ago.

25:47

It was like doing taxes, but with elf magic.

25:50

Oh, which somehow made it less fun. There are

25:52

all kinds of tools on the internet now. That

25:54

whole scene really feels like, to me, no offense.

25:57

Nerd's out of college finding a way to keep getting

25:59

home. Says the guy studying

26:01

for a living. Whoa! It is not for

26:03

a living if you don't make any money doing

26:06

it. In fact, it's the opposite of doing something

26:08

for a living. I am waiting tables and tending

26:10

bars so I'll have the money to spend on

26:12

a PhD. No sorcery to speak

26:14

of, unless you count the power of words, and

26:16

a cold brew coffee. Naturally. Potion

26:18

of shake-a-lot and then poop-weird.

26:20

Mmm, plus one to intelligence, minus

26:23

one to constitution. Minus one? Have

26:25

you had coffee before? What were we

26:27

talking about? Uh, leg armor. Okay,

26:29

yeah, probably that exists. And if it didn't

26:31

before, it could now give in the massive

26:33

increase of bite injuries. Right, and you get,

26:36

I don't know, welder's gloves in case you

26:38

need to use your hands. And then you

26:40

cone and kennel your dog, specifically in the

26:42

bathroom, door firmly shut. And you wait, and

26:44

you hope, and in the meantime, yeah, it's

26:46

very gross, but you pee into a makeshift

26:48

bedpan if you need to. Every month? For

26:50

one night every month, because this is Pepper,

26:52

your dog, who you love. It's Pepper! And

26:55

if that's what it takes to keep them in

26:57

your life, you do it, one night at a time. And

27:00

you, I can't stress this enough, you

27:02

label your pee pants so clearly. So

27:04

since I'm the only one of us that has a

27:06

Reddit account, am I gonna have to type all this

27:08

out? Maybe just link them to this episode.

27:11

They don't have any responses yet, they might appreciate it.

27:14

Even the amount of purple slaps they could

27:16

take us to go here. It could make them

27:18

feel like someone's at least along for the ride.

27:21

I feel like that's the main thing we can do right

27:23

now. It's part of what makes this slog worth it. The

27:26

way we can all reach to each

27:28

other and even in the smallest ways, remind

27:30

each other that for every stupid, sad, weird,

27:32

ridiculous thing that happens to us, someone

27:35

out there is dealing with some other situation just

27:37

as beside him. You're

27:39

saying no one is alone? Everyone's

27:41

alone. It's one of

27:43

the many things that we have in common. I

27:45

think that's as good as any place to leave off.

27:48

Yeah, this is Malik. Oh,

27:52

and hi, Jamie. Signing out. We

27:54

know things are getting weirder every day, but we

27:56

hope you're doing okay. And we wish you all

27:58

a better tomorrow. Jamie

28:08

and Malik are played by Hillary Williams

28:10

and Michael Turrentine. This episode

28:12

was written by Jessica Best. Directed

28:15

and edited by Jeffrey Mills Garden. Our

28:17

show art is by Carly Fairbank. And

28:19

our Bangin' theme song is Falling in Love at

28:22

the End of the World by Olivia and the

28:24

Lovers. The World Gone Wrong

28:26

is produced and created by Jeffrey

28:28

Mills Gardner and Eleanor Hyde. This

28:36

is a production of Audacious Machine

28:38

Creative. The

28:46

fable and falling network where

28:48

fiction producers flourish. And

28:53

the team behind the award winning Best Fiction

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Horror Podcasts Night Lights. A

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new audio drama that brings the southern folklore

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don't hear that, do you? Afflicted

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is a tale of Hoodoo, a demonic

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book bound in human flesh and natural

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grave? Afflicted

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