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1:00

We're not in a wormhole. No

1:29

one is talking like Dirty Harry or Hamlet.

1:31

Two reappeared this morning with a stomach ache

1:33

and reeking of Turkish delight. The rolling fog

1:36

of rotten cheese stench has dissipated along with

1:38

Les Bichon-Friesé. And no one is

1:40

obviously wigging out on mushrooms. It's weird. Everything

1:43

feels...normal. Except

1:46

two who needs to learn to pace himself with

1:49

sweets. Do

1:53

you hear that? Hear what? I

1:55

don't hear anything. Exactly. No

1:58

alarms, no faint pings of biz. falling

2:00

off no distant explosion I don't

2:03

like it oh my mama used to

2:05

sing to me when I felt

2:07

like this oh did that help

2:09

yeah it really did shame

2:11

she's not here then could

2:14

everyone sit down and shut up please guys

2:16

hey guys hello Wow I'm trying

2:33

to call a meeting to order here crew

2:35

come on y'all crew okay you leave me

2:44

no choice Olivia

2:47

fire up the aromatherapy number 62 with

2:49

a side of 11

2:51

who okay now that I have

2:54

your attention we need to discuss

2:57

a few things can

3:15

we discuss the fact that we passed through

3:17

two wormholes and we were powerless to do

3:19

anything about the effect we discuss the fact

3:21

that our captain just gasps us to get

3:23

our attention yeah I was doing why the hell don't

3:25

you people pay attention to your captain that's not

3:27

really the direction I was going with

3:30

that oh don't know what you're grossing

3:32

about I was four separate theories you

3:34

have any notion how confusing that was I

3:36

don't know I found

3:40

being a gangster rather refreshing and

3:43

I found I rather enjoy hey

3:46

watch it never

3:48

mind I'm with you on that one

3:50

oh the noir wormhole was a hoot I'm

3:53

gonna be sassy Maratha is

3:55

that a promise lady Oh

4:00

no! Oh, I'm just a former haze

4:03

in this room! My

4:05

point is, what if we get

4:07

into a wormhole that turns us

4:09

all into slugs? You sure that

4:11

hasn't happened already? Greg does have a

4:13

point. If we got

4:15

into the wrong situation, we could get

4:18

stuck there, and you know, we need

4:20

to be in control of our environment.

4:22

Ah, control schmuntrol here, Doctor. Sometimes you

4:24

just need to see where the experiment

4:26

takes you. Is there a wormhole that'll

4:28

turn us into slugs? Do

4:31

you know what Jen does to a slug? What? I thought

4:33

we were talking about a wormhole! What do you mean you

4:35

don't know people who make a video of them? I

4:37

don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

4:40

We're not going to be able to do that. We're not

4:42

going to be able to do that. Oh, God! Now

4:45

what? Dorian fruit mixed with rotten oysters? No, it's just that, an opening up if you

4:47

drink. Oh, God! Now what? Dorian

4:49

fruit mixed with rotten oysters? No, it's just that, an opening up if you drink. Oh, God!

4:52

Now what? Now what? What

4:54

were those smells again? I need to see if they're

4:56

in the catalog. Captain, not to

4:59

be rude, but may we

5:01

move on? Some of us have places to be.

5:03

We do? What places?

5:05

We're exploring the caves in Pibby's bunk.

5:08

There's a species of lichen in

5:11

there that warrants further research.

5:15

I'm sorry, I dozed off. Yes, if

5:17

we could get a move on. Some of us

5:19

have lollids, you know? We

5:21

don't need them. Dorian! On

5:24

that point, could I ask everyone to please

5:27

update the privacy settings on your bunk

5:29

monitors? I mean, six rounds

5:32

of gangsters and molds is more than any AI

5:34

should be forced to witness. Yes, thank you, Olivia.

5:37

Captain, I'm trying! Right,

5:40

we'll get to the wormhole business in a

5:42

minute, but right now I want to discuss

5:44

side quests and also our zombie problem. Not

5:47

zombies, and also not necessarily a problem.

5:49

Maybe you would like to run this

5:51

meeting. Yes, actually, if I... Too bad.

5:54

Someone is approaching, big part. Ten points to

5:56

Goldie Pan. There's another vessel out there. It's coming

5:58

through. up right quick. Hang on,

6:01

what the hell is that? Oh! Oh!

6:03

What the hell was that? It's just my soda bottle

6:05

against you. I'm not sad! Damn! Oh

6:08

my god! Oh! Oh! Oh!

6:12

My stomach! I can't handle this. We appear

6:14

to be under attack. Raising the shield. Oh,

6:16

we probably don't. Bring in the figurehead. And face everyone.

6:18

Man, Olivia, what's she damaging? Oh, she's damaging. Oh,

6:21

she's damaging. Oh, she's damaging. Oh, she's damaging. Oh,

6:24

she's damaging. Oh, she's damaging. Oh,

6:26

she's damaging. Oh, she's damaging. Oh, she's

6:28

damaging. Oh, she's grinding. Oh she's damaging.

6:30

Oh. But, uh, yes she

6:32

has a holding steady. No, we have stations. I don't have stations! evave

6:35

the oxygen. I don't have stations. hens, even under attack

6:37

huh. Oh, she's damaging. Good to know. they

6:40

seem to be concentrating their attack on

6:42

the lower level P. Copy

6:44

that. What's down there they might want to target? That's

6:47

my station. Cablec Together sweetie we're

6:49

going to need your. Alright. Why

6:53

is there a bar on the bridge? hurt

6:57

Uh how about you grab the comms you meet? Point at it for

6:59

me. It's over there. No, it's over there. Whatever.

7:01

See if you can figure out how to hail the ship. Joel

7:04

was right. Maybe

7:07

even a plot. Okay, but suit up. Full gear. And

7:09

be careful. If it gets too hairy, get back up here.

7:11

I will, I will. Sheesh. What are you

7:13

my sister? Ah, I'm not a little girl. I'm not a little

7:16

girl. I'm not a little girl. I'm not a little

7:18

girl. I'm not a little girl. I'm not a little

7:20

girl. I'm not a little girl. I'm not a little

7:22

girl. I'm not a little girl. Uh,

7:24

I'll head back up here. Shh. What

7:27

are you? My sister? Ah, ah, good lord. What

7:29

weapons capabilities do we have? Yeah, the weapons manual. Oh

7:31

well, I have a smattering of old north. I can give

7:33

it a look. Seriously! Okay. Follow

7:36

the doors! Shield at 48%. Captain, I

7:38

have a lock on our attacker. Bringing the ship up

7:41

on screen.

7:53

Oh, no. Oh,

7:56

yeah, it's unfortunate. You

8:00

know, I once had to snake out

8:02

my shower drain. Oh, please don't

8:04

finish that sentence. Ready, ho. Yeah,

8:08

he had a little bit of fun. Oh,

8:10

I'm begging you. Hanging. I thought

8:12

I was doing that. Ah, different kind. I

8:15

can calculate distance with sub-centimeter

8:17

accuracy. Even from inside the

8:19

ship. Yep. They're close.

8:22

Sub-centimeter accuracy if we get

8:24

there close. I don't know space distances.

8:27

They're like half

8:29

a mile. Um, they'll

8:31

hear the number here on this screen. Any

8:33

luck on the column? I think I'm saying

8:35

something to them, but I don't know

8:37

what. Order up. First round's

8:39

on me. Julie? Kinda busy here.

8:42

I need more drinks. Fine. Rub

8:45

and coke, please. I need more complicated

8:48

drinks. Oh, I'll have a commonwealth. 71

8:51

ingredients. Oh, that'll keep him busy. Um,

8:56

it's a very large dumbbell. That's

8:59

a good one. I'm waiting

9:01

for two dollars to change like

9:04

the manual. Just push a button

9:06

and see what happens. We're not

9:08

serious. And it is flashing. Push

9:11

a button. I choose this one.

9:14

Push a different one.

9:19

That's what you find important, honey. The children

9:21

about 11 and the 778 are still out

9:23

there. Bring them in. Ironically,

9:26

we could use some extra hands.

9:28

Can't we trust them? Ugh. Not

9:31

much choice at the moment. Bring them

9:33

in. And a lady

9:35

that can the music. It's quite an

9:37

alarmingly large dumbbell. Flashing

9:39

very fast now. Should I push something else? Uh,

9:41

you're at the time station, Julie. I know me.

9:44

Can I just above this? Thanks

9:47

for supporting the Fable and Folly

9:49

Network. Here's another show we

9:52

know you'll love. Graham

9:54

Shapiro is a decent man. There's

10:00

a lot of people screaming in that prison

10:02

right now. So scream me. Just know up

10:04

front I'm going to heaven. What happened? Are

10:06

you alright? Dad. Tell

10:09

us everything. Seems like

10:11

you want to scare us into thinking

10:13

you're gonna let us starve. But should

10:15

your treatment of us ever cause this

10:17

decent man to let me off the

10:20

leash again? Anything is possible. Give me

10:22

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10:26

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11:30

Trying another one? What

11:33

happened? Looking on

11:35

screen. We fired

11:37

at them! Excellent. Any

11:39

damage? Negative. Apparently

11:41

we fired a bowl of petunias at them?

11:44

Why is that even an option? 778

11:48

in. If anyone cares, I'll try

11:50

them. Shields at nine.

11:52

We're gonna take much more. We can't take much

11:55

more of this, Captain. Oi!

11:57

Do your main. Captain, do the lord of

11:59

the gods. Your next is still fields, but

12:01

they've taken a lot of damage. Not sure how

12:03

much longer the holes will. Um...

12:07

Oh, we have to figure out

12:09

what they want! Dr. Seale is

12:11

right! Oh, thank you, my lord!

12:14

Oh, I mean, you're clearly the smartest person on the

12:16

ship, and no one ever listens to you. Oh! Stop

12:20

the goo-e-sa, or I'll flood both your

12:22

bunks with pudding. I'm pretty sure I'm

12:24

sending out messages, but if they're responding,

12:26

I'm not sure I'd recognize them.

12:28

Any idea what they're after, Joe? Uh,

12:30

yeah, there's not a lot down here.

12:32

No weapons I can see, but

12:34

there's a lot of ground to cover, and I'll let you

12:36

know if I find anything. Oh,

12:38

hey, my gum! Captain,

12:41

I've managed a rough translation

12:43

of the introduction. Please

12:46

don't tell me you've spent all this time

12:48

on the acknowledgements. I'll let that go

12:50

for the moment. Would you like to hear what

12:52

I've discovered? Oh, please, he who

12:54

is immoral... Immortal... Take all

12:56

the time in the world! No, no,

12:59

no! Take all the time in the universe! Well...

13:03

Oh, yes, yes, I agree

13:05

with the Captain here. Can we speed this

13:07

up a tad? No need to get touchy.

13:10

The main gist of the manual

13:12

is ekki after, or ei

13:15

after. Meaning? Not again.

13:18

I think it may have something to

13:20

do with the petunias. It's

13:22

a very thick book for just

13:25

two words. I didn't say I

13:27

translated it all. Heels at negative

13:29

two. One

13:31

commonwealth. I'll try not to spill.

13:34

Who's next? Not

13:43

bad. A bit... busy.

13:46

Good sake, one. Use a

13:48

coaster. Right, all right. Acted

13:50

on the telephone system. I beg your pardon.

13:53

What were you waiting for? I'm

13:55

sorry, did anyone else give you faint

13:58

sound if someone questioned my decision? How

14:00

can our shields be at negative two? Are

14:02

we just panning over pieces of the hull

14:04

now? Firing glass,

14:06

Daddens. It's Ju-Yaku, that is.

14:09

Oh, for... I'm sorry. Fire!

14:12

Please! Ooh!

14:16

This num-mell! She just got much smaller!

14:18

Someone order a cocktail, Daddens. Oh, for

14:20

heaven's sake. Okay, okay. I'll take a

14:22

fat-washed mezcal. Oh, is that the

14:24

one that uses fat-dripping from pork ribs?

14:27

Slow-cooked pork ribs. And?

14:29

It has to sit overnight. That's

14:31

disgusting. Turn control. The

14:34

num-mell is still going down, but slowly

14:36

now. Did we

14:38

take out their guns? Oh!

14:41

That was a good one! Dink!

14:44

Well, at least somebody will answer my questions.

14:47

It's just your voice is so sweet

14:49

and calming. I suspect that's the reason

14:51

no one hears you. Yeah.

14:54

Okay. I am seeing

14:56

some cracks. Also, can

14:58

we keep the gushy stuff off the comm

15:00

system? One genre at a time,

15:02

please. Steering off the aft

15:04

section of level four. That's great, Olivia, but

15:06

you want to wait until I'm out of here

15:08

first? Mm, that's perfect, mate. You got about 30

15:11

seconds and I'm shutting you in. No!

15:13

I think I recognize that. Oh,

15:16

for God's sake! Does anyone understand the

15:18

urgency here? Oh, there, you're very shouted

15:20

today. Now, I have a vague notion.

15:24

What do you remember? Very astute question, Doctor.

15:26

Well, I was inspired by your question, actually.

15:29

Were you? That's so adorable.

15:32

You're adorable. Oh, please. I'm

15:34

already nauseated from falling all over the

15:36

bridge. Just thinking,

15:38

Julie, are those books Ben retrieved from

15:40

the Shout-O-R-I-M? Do you still have them?

15:43

Oh, no. No, no.

15:45

We got rid of those. Not the pond,

15:47

dear. The other ones. Then, yes. But

15:51

that was one with an orange cover. You know what I mean?

15:53

Yes, we use it to pop up a table in our books. You

15:56

think a people who help you set the

15:58

bill of simple... Why

16:01

would we think? that's. Fair.

16:04

How. Is slated to leave work and

16:06

just as easy as it. Was

16:12

the outside world away and I think

16:14

we might get the refrigerator. As.

16:22

Though. Calling. From

16:24

ever to sue that negative for

16:26

teams are really do have to

16:29

ask. Them. Mission.

16:32

Accomplished. To

16:35

go Huge. Silly. I move on

16:37

the book. Nice is that? Ah

16:39

yes, this is. Our

16:42

laws. That

16:45

much more gotten so long? have

16:47

you been waiting to say that

16:49

he said there that says he

16:51

says field so thin that just

16:53

because he got his my summers

16:55

you might be a battalion somehow

16:57

Jersey now the. Other

17:05

tasks. Or

17:11

whatever avenue like you know

17:13

much about merger of numbers

17:15

are holding steady. Nope. Drop

17:18

I've on. So.

17:25

Far. His as a more friendly.

17:31

Hanging my. See

17:33

as he says this. Is

17:36

a deserves to the season

17:38

capabilities. Six

17:41

Six Runes, Unfortunately,

17:43

The Bugle Galaxies.

17:47

Has them to the Bugle Galaxy

17:49

cast in. Two Thousand and

17:51

Leia School And and most of that

17:54

we see see Atlanta Native Lt. Thousand.

17:57

times the internet to curious to see

18:00

Very well. Oh, it was alright. They

18:03

are, unfortunately, the bugled galaxy's equivalent

18:06

of a seven-year-old boy on the

18:08

playground as they show their interest

18:10

by picking on the object of

18:12

their affections. One

18:15

of the most misunderstood races

18:17

in the galaxy, they have

18:19

become increasingly isolated as inter-

18:22

and intra-galaxy travel has ramped

18:24

up. Well, it's probably

18:26

why their echolocation skills are so developed.

18:29

No one's let them get close in centuries. Oh,

18:32

how incredibly insightful. Why, thank you. That's

18:34

it. My little phone number. I beg your pardon?

18:37

Your pudding. But it's not dropping on. No, you've

18:39

done it. One fat-washed mezcal. No, no, no, that's

18:41

not possible. That takes literally days. Not with laser

18:43

eyes, it doesn't. Mikey-like daiquiri coming up. Uh, you

18:45

gonna drink that? Not on a bet. Very alien.

18:48

Whatever. I'm

18:50

not a little bit of a bitch. I'm not a little bit of a bitch. I'm not

18:52

a little bit of a bitch. I'm not a little bit of a bitch. I'm not a

18:54

little bit of a bitch. You've

18:59

so worked out about them. I mean, they're friendly. Did

19:02

you not hear me just say that? They're being affectionate. I'm

19:04

just mad at you. This is not a bad idea.

19:06

Why are you here? Another one? I need to

19:08

drink your honey. I'm just over. Do you mean,

19:10

is everyone angry? Oh, it may be on to

19:12

something. Oh, shit. Oh, so thank you. What do

19:14

you say, Maggie? This is magazine diplomacy. True. But

19:17

what if they hurt you or kill you? That's just it. They

19:19

were. I'm not a little bit of a bitch. I'm not

19:21

a little bit of a bitch. I'm not a little bit of a

19:23

bitch. I'm not a little bit of a bitch. I'm not a little

19:25

bit of a bitch. Oh, they hurt you or kill you. That's just

19:27

it. They were. They'd

19:30

only hurt her if they liked her. And

19:32

I think we've established that's

19:34

not likely. Oi, also, thank

19:37

you. Captain! Oh, still alive,

19:39

aren't they? Yeah, thanks

19:41

for making me do limbo under the door. Oh, quite crumbling. You

19:43

only look slightly less three dimensional. This

19:46

plan does have a rare sort of genius to it. Come

19:49

on, boss, what do you say? I say,

19:52

assemble in a way, team. You can go,

19:54

but not alone. You'll need to take the

19:56

most objectionable folks we've got. Ah,

19:58

too bad we lost them. Right,

20:01

okay, so, no Dr. Theo,

20:03

uh, probably not

20:05

Julie. Probably? The 778 can go.

20:07

Yes. Good one, good one.

20:10

Not enough though. We can't trust them. Need

20:12

one more. Mike and Ike,

20:14

battery. Oh. What?

20:18

With the shields at negative 30 and dwindling,

20:21

the crew rush to get the away team

20:23

ready. On the Oz-9, ready

20:25

is a generous turn. Actually,

20:28

it's just wildly inaccurate.

20:32

Let me, uh, let me lube up those seals for you. It's

20:35

a ski wax! All I can find. You're

20:38

not, Serium. It'll hold. You're

20:40

trying to be as unattractive to them as possible.

20:42

Whatever you do, don't hit anyone. They'll probably ask

20:45

you to marry them. And remember,

20:47

sticks and stones may break your bones.

20:49

Yes, that'll do for the pep talk, thank you.

20:51

So what do we do?

20:54

What would you do on a playground? I'm

20:56

behind the teacher naturally. Or

20:59

fuck the bully off with my lunch money. Or

21:02

roll it. Uh,

21:04

I'm noticing a distinct line of hogging and

21:07

needles of maybe the deer. That

21:09

is not a protocol. They are

21:11

sending us to our deaths.

21:14

Dear. I feel the uh... Well, in

21:16

this case, your natural defenses should be

21:19

plenty. Just, uh, be yourself. Okay,

21:21

I think I pinged to them that someone's

21:23

coming over. Yeah, but there's a lot of

21:25

chatter all of a sudden. You really don't

21:28

want to do this. You're rolling

21:30

on with weapons. No station can

21:32

detect. But you're hungry. Will

21:34

I ever cease to regret that cursed ollie?

21:36

Ah, hell. We've abandoned Shakespeare,

21:39

won't we? Nah, he's just pretentious. I heard

21:41

that. Oh. Hurry.

21:44

Uh... Go you. They've

21:46

opened an airlock. It looks like they're expecting company. You got

21:49

the gift? My

21:51

older boy because he's ready to use

21:53

a day-rounding paper. That'll

21:55

bring the boys to the end. Oh, yes.

21:57

Not just a vital inspiration. These

22:01

two are making me nauseous. Let's

22:03

go. Okay, Jesse, you've done this

22:05

before, so like last time, use the vent on

22:08

your spacesuit for propulsion. The

22:10

two of you will tow the 778 between you.

22:12

Oh, and Jesse? Uh, no peeing? Oh,

22:15

for Christ's sake. Open the

22:17

dock door, Olivia. You promised you'd tow

22:19

us back again. Go right to

22:21

the way we all go to death. I

22:24

guess we're ready. No.

22:31

No. No,

22:36

go, see? Open up. Don't

22:39

get that candle, Liam. Hey!

22:45

What is it? Go, Daddy! What?

22:48

What is it? You could've fired that up.

22:50

What is that? Just,

22:52

just... What? Candy-salutate

22:55

hearts. This one says,

22:58

hang on. Will he

23:00

be mine? That

23:02

never sounded so ominous before. You've

23:04

never heard it before. Shawhead, mine

23:07

says I want to heart

23:09

you. I don't remember

23:12

that one from Earth. Alright, you two, get

23:14

moving. I don't want them to start firing

23:16

on the others' mind again. Colin,

23:18

get in. Not at all. Lead

23:21

the way, Captain. Aren't

23:24

you gonna say, former Captain?

23:27

No. Not this time. And

23:30

so, Jesse, Colin and the 778 make

23:33

their way towards the hairy,

23:35

matted, Kestotelian ship, its airlock

23:37

yawning open just in front

23:39

of them. The aliens' guns have

23:41

stopped for the moment, giving the Oz-9

23:43

much needed time to assess the damage.

23:46

But if they should start up again... What will

23:48

become of the away team? Will

23:50

they be greeted with the hostility and

23:52

antipody they hope for? Or will

23:54

they be quite literally killed with kindness? Tune

23:56

in next time, Space Monkeys, when you might

23:59

or might not. get the answer. But

24:01

probably not. Probably, as to

24:04

says, not. You've been

24:06

listening to Shannon Perry as Madeleine

24:08

and Olivia, Chrissy Tallent's age as

24:10

Julie, Kevin Hall as Greg, Bonnie

24:12

Brantley as Jesse and Donna, Tim

24:14

Sherburn as Colin and Emily, Lee

24:17

Shackleford as Pluto, David

24:20

S. Deer as Dr.

24:22

Theo Bromay, Eric Perry

24:24

as Dr. Von Habesetzer,

24:26

Howard and Joe, Sarah

24:29

Golding as Mrs. Sheffield, Sarah Rae

24:31

Werner as Pipistrel, I'm Kyle

24:33

Jones as Narrator 2, and

24:36

I'm Chris Nidalny-Gorley as your narrator. John

24:38

Faley is our music director and our

24:40

awesome artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Oz9

24:42

is scribbled down on some paper somewhere

24:45

by Shannon Perry, Sarah Golding

24:47

is our dialogue editor and

24:49

Shannon Perry is our sound

24:51

designer. Oz9

24:55

is a proud member of the Fable

24:57

and Folly Network. Please check out our

25:00

sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our

25:02

sponsors. Hey, you know,

25:04

I feel better. Great. Want

25:06

some Turkish delight? Oh, gross.

25:09

Why do you gotta

25:11

be so mean? On

25:13

someone else, this would be mean. On me,

25:16

it's charming. Whatever. See

25:18

you next time, space monkeys. Till then, keep your

25:20

eyes on the stars. Especially if

25:23

they start firing on you. Light!

25:30

The Fable and Folly Network,

25:32

where fiction producers flourish. You

25:37

two still awake? Dad, we're too

25:40

excited! You'll be tired at Mockery Manor tomorrow,

25:42

and it's bigger than ever, so you really

25:45

do need to sleep. Daddy, tell us

25:47

about the new expansion. Okay,

25:49

okay. Once upon

25:52

a time, there was a wonderful

25:54

place, Mockery Manor. Everyone loved

25:56

it, but sometimes it felt lonely.

25:59

The man Longed for a companion settle

26:01

built a whole new park right next

26:04

door and cold it sleep and veil

26:06

and it was. Well

26:16

wait. a. While

26:23

to explore. Mars.

26:34

Bars represent. An

26:42

Ares you worry? Is

26:45

radically email. Written

26:48

before. Departing

27:01

one of them know your family

27:03

home. And

27:06

have a. Friend

27:10

you. Are

27:14

you ready to come back? Some

27:16

a criminal. Season

27:19

Three available now.