5 Words with Sean Patton

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What an episode we got for you right here! A wise man once said “It’s not about arriving at the destination, but experiencing the journey.” and this episode is the epitome of such wise words. My guest? Myq Kaplan! He’s been everywhere comedians can be, and he just dropped another album called “AKA” (get it here http://myqkaplan.com/buy/). Myq and I talk about everything from the NYC comedy scene back in 2010 to how you can get good at taking ayahuasca. From dealing with hecklers to getting to know your shaman, this episode is a wonderful journey, and we arrive at a destination that Myq is quite the hilarious comedian. Here are five words to describe this episode: your ringtone can save lives.
Happy 2021 to you all! It has been a bit since the last episode, so welcome back! We’re kicking this year off with the real deal himself. If a slam dunk were worth three points, it would be this week's guest Sam Morril! Sam is one of the absolute best in the game right now, dropping two specials last year (I got this and Up on the Roof. Both on youtube check ‘em out!). We really go big here, talking about everything from Spike Lee to elder sex. Here are five words to describe this episode: choose your friends very wisely.
Good day, dear legends! We’re sure many of you have thought, “This podcast is not only great, but also really appreciates the art of storytelling. I wonder when they’ll have another published author as a guest…” And the answer to that is RIGHT NOW! This week’s guest is the spectacular Sam Tallent. Sam is not only a force of nature onstage, he is also the author of the novel Running the Light. It is an awe-inspiring piece of literary masterwork. Here’s what Doug Stanhope, the jedi road warrior himself, has to say about it: “had to stop so many times to read passages aloud to people that I feel like I'm doing the Audible version. Brilliant writing. Astounding.” It’s amazing from start to finish, and you can buy it at www.samtallent.com (do this instead of going to Amazonk, this way Sam makes more money and Jeff Bezos makes less). You know what else is also great from start to finish? This episode! Give it a listen! Here are five words to describe it: your mom can throw hands.
Hello there, Legends, let’s dive right on in! This week our guest has achieved a feat very few people have, and pretty much no other comedian has: she swam on the US National Swim Team. Twice. And now she’s a comedian living in NYC! It’s Laura Sogar! We talk all about her swimming career—which spanned 20 years—how she once trained with Michael Phelps, how Baywatch would’ve played out were it set in Rhode Island, and the most harsh “Welcome to New York!” moment of her life. Here are five words to sum up this episode: don’t cut off your ponytail.
Howdy Legends! Good on you for tuning in this week as we get down ’n dirty with Atlanta boy, Mike Rowland. He’s an up-and-coming comedian here in NYC. You’ve seen him several times on Comedy Central’s This Week at The Comedy Cellar. We talk about the insanity of your average sports fan, being a belligerent dipshit in front of your comedy heroes, and why Moe’s just isn’t as good as Chipotle. Here are five words to sum up this episode: pine needles equal ass whoopings.
Goodness gracious are you legends in for a good one this week! Our guest is none other than Emma Willmann. You’ve seen her on Netflix’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and from her multiple stand-up appearances on TV. A native of Maine, we waste no time in getting right to it, discussing everything from voting for the first wrong candidate to which former president would be the best stand-up to “fuck health” parties. Here are five words to sum up this ep: don’t eat the street salt. 
Welcome back legends! This week’s guest is a grand slam: (1) He’s tremendous, (2) he’s our first live guest in six months, and (3) he’s our first repeat guest! It’s Shane Torres! From 64 episodes ago! He’s been on the road with Bert Kreisher; he’s been on Conan, Comedy Central, and Netflix; and he will be on the upcoming hit series (along with Sean) This Joka on Quibi. We have a great conversation, where we discuss Shane’s hatred of The Irishman and how much of a rapscallion he was in his younger years. Here are five words to describe this ep: fire escapes can’t be fat.
Welcome back legends! Yes, we did take a week off (due to technical difficulties) but we are back with a vengeance, and by vengeance, I mean this week’s guest Pete Lee! (His nickname was “vengeance” in the boy scouts). Pete’s a wonderful comedian who’s been all over the TV, Comedy Central, The Tonight Show, Pornhub, as well as having his own podcast Snugglestorm. Here are five words to sum up this episode: just do the right thing. 
This week’s guest is fellow podcaster and co-host of Roomates for Life: the ever-charming M.K. Paulsen. This man is complex in a good way. He’s like a cross between Season 3 of Game of Thrones and this upcoming season of Drag Race personified.  He hails from deep Texas and was a senatorial aide in DC before moving to Germany to pursue a career in comedy. See? Good complex! Here are five words to sum up this episode: know yourself before meeting others.
This week we welcome the Prince of The Bronx: Vladimir Caamaño! You’ve seen him perform on Jimmy Kimmel Live, have a guest starring role on Brooklyn 99, and play the lead on the short-lived CBS drama, Tommy. Now, hear him talk with us about bicoastal life, relationships in quarantine, and much more. Here are five words to describe this episode: always trust your dad’s cool. 
On this podcast, we occasionally like to have guests with at least three full-time names. This week, we have that guest: the great Adam Cayton-Holland. He’s the co-creator and star of Those who Can’t (formerly of TruTV and soon to be on HBOmax) as well as a published author and nationally touring comedian. We were supposed to be doing shows at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this month, but since we can’t, we decided to do something even better: have him on our podcast! Check out all things Adam Cayton-Holland, and thank us later. Or thanks us now if you’d like. Here are five words to describe this episode: always listen to the villagers. 
Remember the 90’s? Specifically the show Family Matters? Do you think Steve should’ve told Laura to fuck off? How about late 90’s rap from New Orleans? Do you too think Juvenile is underrated? Well then this may be the perfect podcast episode for you. This week’s guest is comedian, actor, and podcaster Derek Gaines. Fresh off his appearances is The Last OG And the Judd Apaotow directed, Pete Davidson vehicle King of Staten Island, We get into the 90’s. From The Fresh Prince to the Patrick Duffy helmed Step by Step, this episode is a journey. Here are five words to describe this episode: soap don’t go in there.
We have great comedians as guests every week, but this is the first great comedian AND sideline reporter of Cannonball on the USA network we’ve ever had. Welcome Simon Gibson! Hailing from Portland, Oregon, Simon is an LA based comedian who “dazzles, frazzles, sizzles, and sazzles every time he’s onstage! He’s a one person personification of hoolarity!” (Owl Quarterly). We have a great conversation about life, comedy, and being a sideline reporter on a show that is essentially American Ninja Warrior for people with type 2 diabetes. Here are five words to describe this episode: jump or be eaten alive?
All the way from Houston via Atlanta, but before that Corpus Christi… and eventually a stint in LA before putting down some roots in NYC. That’s the journey of this week’s guest Matthew Broussard! Matt is one of the best joke writers in New York, performing regularly at The Comedy Cellar, The Stand, Eastville, and pretty much every other club in the city. He’s been on TV, he’s on the internet, and right now hear him with Sean and Caitlin! He’s got a very unique past and a very crazy story. Here are five words to describe this episode: don’t buy cats in Florida.
If you’ve ever lived in Los Angeles and been a part of the comedy scene, from fans to famous comedians, you’ve heard of the Super Serious Show, which was created by our guest Mandee Johnson (and her husband, the wonderful Jodel Mandelkorn). If you haven’t heard of the Super Serious Show, don’t worry ‘cause it’s still happening, and now there’s a book! Yep. In addition to being a fantastic photographer and booker, our guest Mandee Johnson is also a published historian! You can get her book here: https://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/book/super-serious/. This is a super seriously good episode. Here are five words to describe this episode: animals are better than us.
If John Candy, Wayne Gretsky, and Alf were hanging out in a laboratory and unknowingly stepped into a coalescence chamber to smoke a bowl and accidentally turned it on, you would get this week’s guest Glenn Wool. And he got him indeed! Glenn is one of those special people who can just make you smile and laugh whilst drinking at a bar, and make you smile bigger and laugh even harder whilst onstage. He’s performed on every continent except Antarctica. Numerous times! He’s the Beethoven of road dogs. Here are five words to describe this episode: be careful when you applaud.
Everyone loves making new friends, but the older one gets, the more we appreciate old friends. Seaton Smith and Sean are old friends, and it just so happens that he’s this week’s guest too! Seaton is a marvelous comedian, writer, and actor. You’ve seen him on many things, including the tragically short lived Mulaney. We discuss the current state of the world, as well as the current state of our own minds. This is not one to miss. Here are five words to describe this episode: ideas plus girlfriends equal haircuts 
What a special guest! A good friend and even better comedian by the name of Chris Garcia! He’s got a story on another podcast you may or may not have heard of called This American Life, as well as his own six part podcast on WNYC called Scattered. He and Sean go way back to the first time Sean visited the city of San Francisco back in 2010. It was quite the time, and we discuss how much the Bay Area has changed since then as well as hear tale of his insane story. Here are five words to describe this episode: keep your dukes way up.
This week’s guest is the personification of a laugh with a slight belch at the end (which makes you laugh harder, and thus opens up the possibility of more belching). He’s a truly unique comedian who’s appeared on NBC’s The Good Place and has his own HBO special The Golden One. Whit’s also from the south, proving that good people come from all directions. We had a wonderful time talking to Whit and really diving into what it means to “check yourself.” Here are five words to describe this episode: when lying, lie really big.
Being a storytelling comedian is a challenge, because you have to completely engulf the audience in your words and have them breathing in your every syllable. Being a great performer also helps. This week’s guest is all of the above. Aside from his hour special on Showtime (which is a hilarious special), you’ve seen him on Netflix’s Disjointed, Fam on CBS, and have heard him on Bojack Horseman. We have a all around discussion of the protests of the murder of George Floyd and the state of racism in the US, as well as a brighter look at what the future may hold for us all. Here are five words to describe this episode: be careful what you sign.
Some of the best comedians in the world perform at The Comedy Cellar. Did you know that some of the best managers of comedy clubs also work there too? This week’s guest is the Queen of the Night herself, Liz Furiati! She’s around stand up every night and has not only seen some of the best there is, she’s drank most of them under the table. When people think about great comedy clubs, they rarely ever think about the people behind the scenes keeping it all running and preventing the liquor license from being revoked. It was an absolute pleasure to have her on and discuss the future of comedy clubs and the madness of the lifestyle of those of us in comedy in NYC. Here are five words to describe this episode: open hand slaps are loud. 
Hello Legends! Here we go again, as we do every week—with another fantastic guest! This week is the King of the Nipple Ring himself, Ian Fidance! We don’t actually know if Ian has any nipple rings, but he has the aura of a person who is more than meets the eye. He’s a favorite all across NYC, and he’s a regular opener for Dave Attel. This episode is like your fitbit sleep chart. It starts off light, then gets deep, then jumps up into crazy, then light, deep, and crazy all over again. Here are five words to describe this episode: be careful befriending while drunk.
Every now and again, we have a guest who Sean used to be terrified of. This week’s episode is that now and again! The wonderful Jen Kirkman joins us. She is a top-tier, hilarious comedian and author who Sean became a fan of back when he was doing open mics. She was a big dawg then and is a straight-up wolf now. She’s got two books, three Netflix specials, and was a writer on the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. In this episode, we have a great conversation about overcoming anxiety. These days, everyone could use an extra pointer in those regards. Here are five words to describe this episode: always trust your airplane coach.
What a week! What an even better guest! There are few certainties in life, and one of them is that involving Aparna Nancherla in your day is bound to make it more enjoyable. She’s not only great at stand up comedy, writing for scripted TV shows and cartoons, acting, writing a book, teleportation, and living in Brooklyn, she’s also a Queen! In the chess piece sense. While most are one directional, she can and does do it all. Here are five words to describe this episode: don’t stare for too long 
All aboard! This week's guest is a favorite at the Comedy Cellar in NYC, as well as the host of his own podcast where he doles out dating advice to his followers. It’s the one, the only, the J-Train himself: Jared Freid. We had a hilarious conversation about life in the most congested city where everyone is trying to avoid becoming congested, and his opinions of it all are a breath of fresh air. Here are five words to describe this episode: wax is holier than thou.
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Podcast Details

Created by
Sean Patton
Podcast Status
Hiatus/Finished
Started
May 13th, 2019
Latest Episode
Jan 12th, 2021
Release Period
Weekly
Episodes
82
Avg. Episode Length
About 1 hour
Explicit
Yes
Order
Episodic
Language
English

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