0:01

Now I was as couples. when

0:03

was the last time you had

0:05

a ten minute either? I consistent

0:07

eye contact with each other, purposely

0:10

focused eye contact with out any

0:12

distractions. Cell the other Mtv on

0:14

Almost every couple that comes to

0:16

see me will say we can't

0:18

remember some wise advice from Doctor

0:21

Randy Schrader and he'll be equipping

0:23

you with more insights to help

0:25

you better understand in better enjoy

0:27

your spouse. Thanks for joining us

0:29

today. On Focus on the family with

0:32

your Host Focus President and author Jim

0:34

Daily I'm John. Fully John. The normal

0:36

wear and tear on a marriage can

0:39

take it's toll and it can be

0:41

anything from financial worries to getting the

0:43

kids homework done. Just that. Routines can

0:45

really were down your relationship with your

0:48

spouse and many of these stressors are

0:50

unavoidable. We get that, but there are

0:52

some things you can do that or

0:55

what I would call regular maintenance that

0:57

really help your marriage thrive And that's

0:59

what we're. Going to talk about today. It's

1:01

not the situation where you're in some serious

1:03

trouble, this is more the tune up activity

1:05

that we all need and we all can

1:07

do right. If you're in trouble with for

1:10

Euro, feeling like we're in a crisis we

1:12

can't pull up a give us a call.

1:14

We have really a terrific team of carrying

1:16

counselors eight hundred the letter A in the

1:18

word family is he said the gym. This

1:20

is more of a tune for couples and

1:22

I think it's going to help a lot

1:24

of folks feel like they're closer. As I

1:26

said, we have Doctor Randy Schrader here. He's

1:28

a pastor, former seminary professor, and. Has

1:30

been a marriage and Family counselor

1:32

for over thirty years and Randy's

1:35

been married to Jennifer over forty

1:37

five years and they have two

1:39

children and is this right, Six

1:41

grandchildren. a his book is gonna

1:43

be the foundation of our conversation

1:45

to it's called Simple Habits for

1:47

marital Happiness A practical skills and

1:49

tools that build a strong, satisfying

1:51

relationship. A Randy, welcome back to

1:53

focus on the family gym and

1:55

John It's great to be with

1:57

you again. I really appreciate you.

2:00

And focus on a Family for promoting

2:02

Biblical values and supporting marriages and parents

2:04

and families. Just thank you so very

2:06

much for having me and well. it's

2:08

a treat actually and I was telling

2:11

the same. As we're getting ready for

2:13

the program, you have a really good

2:15

gift which is to bring everyday metaphors

2:17

into the marriage. Situation.

2:19

So you make it rather easy I

2:21

think to remember at little principles that

2:23

really do. Hope you're married to work

2:26

and unpack those today and I'm looking

2:28

forward to people hearing more from you

2:30

in this marriage areas. Effect: A Give

2:32

cancel thousands of married couples so that's

2:34

where you get your expertise from. You've

2:36

got stories galore and what is some

2:39

of those top skills? That

2:41

you need to make a successful

2:43

marriage. Great question. In

2:45

In always begins Gym In John

2:48

with I think Expectations the Big

2:50

Ten. So true expectations impact relationships.

2:52

That habits determine the quality of

2:55

our lives and our relationships including

2:57

marriage. And so what are happens

2:59

before marriage? Jimmy John's are couples

3:02

are meeting each other's expectations over

3:04

and over and net feels good.

3:06

You know to have your expectation

3:09

made over and over. So they

3:11

decide to get married because they

3:13

want that gratifying relationship. for the

3:16

rest of their life and

3:18

what happens old after marriage

3:20

off and couple stop expressing.

3:22

Their. Expectations that they so much desire

3:24

and. Different things, expectations

3:26

from their spouse and they forget. it's all

3:29

about the big He will Let me ask

3:31

you this though, because you think in the

3:33

courtship phase that that expression is happening. Any.

3:36

Differently, I may ice. I think of Jean

3:38

and I when we are courting. I don't

3:40

know that I was expressing my expectations of

3:42

our relationship. You know any differently than our

3:44

first, second, third year marriage. I will. I'm

3:47

not saying it was effective, but I did

3:49

I. It doesn't catch my attention that I

3:51

was sitting down. say we're doing here The

3:53

three things I really need from you. At.

3:56

What? What Do you mean? I

3:58

think that's so true that that

4:00

before marriage there is a. Goal:

4:03

to make the other person happy

4:05

and making the other person happy

4:07

says hey, I'm mana kind of

4:10

assume expectations and meet expectations and

4:12

then after the first couple years

4:14

a marriage, couples fall into complacency.

4:17

Complacency is the dreaded disease for

4:19

every marriage. Taking one spouse for

4:21

granted, taking the marriage for granted

4:23

and they forget. About. Meeting

4:26

each other's expectations and so then

4:28

they need to request. Was expecting

4:30

a sometimes expectations can be some

4:32

point, they're they're conflict oriented. I'm

4:34

thinking of Gene Life, one of

4:37

our early conflicts and as around

4:39

the serve expectations was if I

4:41

went to the movies with my

4:43

guy friends like I when saw

4:45

Terminator themselves and happy about the

4:47

Ssr properly rated movie I saw

4:50

like Terminators is a good all

4:52

robot violence yeah death but that

4:54

was something that. She thought, wow,

4:56

you know I wouldn't expect a

4:58

decent Christian man to go and

5:00

enjoy that so we're the kind

5:03

of work through that like what

5:05

is appropriate. In that way

5:07

and that that the can it took

5:09

me by surprise all over the internet

5:11

is a good point. Gym by because

5:14

we all have our own dictionary ah

5:16

of words and how we define them

5:18

and so ah. it's important to make

5:20

sure expectations are specific. And. In

5:23

you talk about what's reasonable, what's realistic are

5:25

they godly words and behaviors that need to

5:27

be met and make an emotional connection for

5:29

a couple. When the but it still comes

5:31

back to the biggie. Expectations in Eugene talking

5:33

about. Let me ask you to in the

5:35

book you have a an example of a

5:38

couple that had been married thirty two years

5:40

and in Jena been married thirty five How

5:42

long as or to seven yes cigarette a

5:44

license to both. Not sure if the Godhead

5:46

and or a forty five right up Forty

5:48

Six Forty Six I mean I had is

5:50

great and that's something. I think we. Three

5:53

men are committed to our marriage is Reiser, but

5:55

a lot of young couples would look at us

5:57

and say where had you do that how did

5:59

you get through. The expectation issue.

6:01

This particular couple it's

6:03

thirty two years had

6:05

some major. Unmet expectation

6:07

issues describe what was going on,

6:09

where they went to their pastor

6:11

and that they were very faithful

6:14

christians German Johnny would church every

6:16

Sunday or they had adult children

6:18

that were married out of the

6:20

house and know and they both

6:22

contacted lawyers. They absolutely one divorce

6:24

as this is happy tongue. Yeah

6:26

the kids are gone. Well do

6:29

enjoy life if I have our

6:31

big A big range. twenty five

6:33

to thirty five years is all

6:35

sitting down lot A. Lot of

6:37

couples getting I'm divorced so what

6:39

is what was going on there

6:41

is. well they just there was

6:43

no unfaithfulness but they just weren't

6:46

happy. They were not meeting each

6:48

other's expectations without knowing how to

6:50

make the expectations notes and I

6:52

think that is the key. I'm

6:54

on a mission to share with

6:56

couples practical specific behaviors, words and

6:58

guidelines and make a difference. And

7:00

so they came to see me

7:02

with every premarital couple. A

7:04

gym and John with every couple. In

7:06

the first couple sessions I talk about

7:09

expectations and I talk about being specific.

7:11

Often times what I'll do. I'll have

7:13

a couple make a list of their

7:15

top ten expectations for their marriage and

7:17

so. I. Explained expectations of this

7:19

couple in the first session because they

7:22

were in a crisis and then I

7:24

asked them for the next seven days.

7:26

Will you please. And. I

7:28

think requester better than. Commands.

7:30

Which are sentences? Will you

7:32

please. Ask. One expectation of

7:35

each other everyday don't have meaning big.

7:37

Will you please put your shoes the

7:39

closet when you come home? You know,

7:41

will you please put your clothes a

7:43

laundry residents or them on the floor?

7:45

So fourteen total expectations. They came back.

7:48

The. Next week. And they

7:50

both had smiles on their faces and

7:52

I said we want you to know

7:54

We contacted our lawyers and told him

7:56

where put our divorce on hold and

7:58

we want you to. The traitor to

8:00

give us the specific practical words, behaviors

8:03

and guidelines that lead to a satisfying

8:05

crush. Married! So we write down our

8:07

expectations that I guess big and small

8:09

don't get. I get around to irritate

8:11

you and and I would say the

8:13

other aspect of this is don't assume

8:15

your spouse knows what you're here. Expectations

8:17

are and they need to be specific.

8:19

You know when couples make us less

8:21

to their tops and expectations? What? Primarily

8:24

because I do it three medical bills

8:26

to they'll say go to church. Well

8:28

that's a good expectation. But what? Church.

8:30

You know how often do you

8:32

going to go to church once

8:34

a month? Once a year, Christmas

8:36

and Easter every Sunday. So it's

8:38

good to be specific with those

8:40

expectations. Fear that goods are. We

8:42

have that down and we move

8:44

into the idea of practical wisdom

8:46

in those good wisdom habits you

8:48

you identify for what are those

8:50

force these are. I. Really

8:53

wish I had call them stay in

8:55

Love habits. These they are fall in

8:57

love habits. That. Need to

9:00

become stay in love habits as

9:02

so what do all couples premarital

9:04

li do? Well They go on

9:06

a variety of dates and they

9:08

i do a lot of fun

9:10

things together all the time and

9:12

they also. Look. At each

9:14

other's eyes, they make up that hard.

9:16

The Bible says the heart, the I

9:19

as the lamp with the body. They

9:21

look and each other's eyes and they

9:23

make a heart connection. They talk hours

9:25

and hours premarital and again, they're meeting

9:28

each other's expectations and then primarily they

9:30

give each other lengthy hugs. And.

9:32

Lingering kisses and those

9:34

for fall in love

9:36

habits need to continue.

9:39

German. John after marriage. Unfortunately,

9:41

after the second or third

9:43

year of marriage I would

9:46

suggest to you have no

9:48

scientific facts Ninety five percent

9:50

of couples. Sap. Doing

9:52

the fall in love habits.

9:55

And that's what causes their hearts to

9:57

go cold. What? Causes them to

9:59

draw. The part what causes them to

10:01

start making their expectations know the challenge

10:04

their it seems almost too simplistic. I'm

10:06

sure some couples that are listening that

10:08

are better in some trouble. In

10:11

other not where they want to be

10:13

He again not serious. yeah and and

10:15

we're here for you. If you're in

10:17

a more serious situation, give a scholar.

10:19

Counselors are here and journal give those

10:21

details and minutes But even for you

10:23

know again the to not kind of

10:25

attitude is is it sounds almost too

10:27

simple randy that he really it's just

10:29

like spend ten minutes I'd I talking

10:31

hug for ten seconds, give a ten

10:33

second kiss. You know,

10:35

and then make sure you're dating your mate. If

10:38

I do those things I'm in have a great

10:40

marriage. Serious Threat marriage. Yeah that's a

10:42

good question. Gm marriage takes a lot

10:44

more the fall in love habits and

10:46

to stay in love habits. But if

10:49

couples are not doing knows I kind

10:51

of carbon the foundation right. They're not

10:53

gonna be emotionally connected and the i

10:55

i would ask your listeners gym and

10:58

I was asked couples when was the

11:00

last time you had a ten minute

11:02

either I. Hard contact.

11:05

Consistent. Eye contact with each other,

11:08

Purposely. Focused eye contact with

11:10

out any distractions. Cellphone the other

11:12

Mtv off. Almost every

11:14

couple that comes to see me will

11:17

say we can't remember. Yeah, we can't

11:19

remember the last time we spent ten

11:21

minutes. Because couples are your. They may

11:23

cook dinner together. Clean up the. Dishes

11:26

together but it's just passing eye contact,

11:29

just a look and each other's eyes

11:31

like the three of us are doing.

11:33

Just doesn't happen. After the second or

11:36

third year of marriage that complacency sets

11:38

and at ready you describing the book

11:40

that something I'd really not connected but

11:42

it's the attractiveness of politeness. And.

11:45

That you night. I. Had thought

11:47

about it that way. Just think of

11:49

being polite as the right thing to

11:52

do, but the attractiveness of being polite

11:54

to your spouse, well as and again.

11:57

After. The first. For years of

11:59

marriage politeness kind of drops out

12:01

and being extra polite, saying please

12:04

and thank you and you're welcome

12:06

And if there's a sneeze, God

12:08

bless you. Yes, But when couples

12:11

our spouses have affairs, it's often

12:13

because. Ah, the other person

12:15

is so polite and kind of

12:17

them. Fact I mention in my

12:19

book a husband who had an

12:21

affair and he he's said to

12:23

me he said the other woman

12:25

wasn't really that attractive, but she

12:28

was polite, She gave me compliments,

12:30

she looked me in the eyes

12:32

for lengthy period of time as

12:34

well without mass. Yeah, let's cover

12:36

to simple habits for resolving conflict.

12:38

I mean these are just all

12:40

like you said John. Great handle

12:42

that you can rapidly and. To.

12:45

Work and hopefully folks were going copy

12:47

the book is are so much we're not

12:49

going to be on the cover, but

12:51

the first an idea of resolving conflict is

12:53

to stay inside the Nines now. year

12:55

going, explain this and I'm in a comeback.

12:57

It's they Can we make it inside the

13:00

eight because I'm a morning person and

13:02

and about a night owl? The go ahead.

13:04

Well I actually was gonna. I'm glad

13:06

you said that, Amanda S. And I'm glad

13:08

we're talking about the Us. So what

13:10

inside the Nines it means is there's never

13:13

a serious discussion. Before. And I in

13:15

the morning. Or. After. Night.

13:17

At night when I s couples was the last

13:19

time he had a big blow up almost one

13:22

hundred percent the time they'll say before nine and

13:24

morning. Or. After nine o'clock at

13:26

night Now gym you mention the Aids. I

13:28

am sick and I wonder I wonder if

13:30

they wanted things I love about games you

13:33

since you've got but yeah I tell couples

13:35

massage those guidelines. You know that's the thing

13:37

is when we're. Tired. Early

13:39

in the morning or late at night our

13:42

feelings are tender and so. Even.

13:44

All my marriage expert and that helped

13:46

thousands or couples. My.

13:48

Wife and I am. I buy that guideline

13:50

because if we don't have the energy what

13:53

do we do? We blame our spouses and

13:55

we don't look for solutions self. Some couples

13:57

jan based on your age will say where

14:00

gonna have a serious discussion before ten

14:02

a morning. We both are not energize to

14:04

look for solutions, were gonna look for blanks

14:06

or were not gonna have a serious

14:08

discussion after eight at night. You also mention

14:11

it's important to sit. Next

14:13

to each other. Not to stand and not to

14:15

be across from each other. I mean these are

14:17

subtle things. I don't know that I would think

14:20

of that, but it makes sense and I'll as

14:22

couples. When When was the last time he had

14:24

those three negative words? A fight, an argument or

14:26

a conflict? Were either one of you standing. Gym

14:29

and John a hundred percent of the time.

14:31

Ninety nine percent. They. Almost

14:34

always say yes, one of us were standing

14:36

if I had the two of you yell

14:38

right now you could yell if I have

14:40

you stand up in jail. You.

14:42

Do a better job and you would

14:44

yell louder and so standing is an

14:46

intimidating posture standing least to poor listening.

14:48

We can't listen as well. Mean the

14:50

three of us right now are not

14:52

standing or sitting so he can look

14:54

each other in. The I listen well

14:56

to each other and so it's essential

14:58

in the business world when there's and

15:00

I need your help situation. Where do

15:02

they all sit around the conference table.

15:05

So. They look for solutions in the marriage

15:07

world. I suggest that the kitchen table

15:09

and kind of sit adjacent because this

15:11

is one time gym and giant couples

15:13

don't want to look. I'd I'd because

15:15

they're talking about tense topic. And

15:17

said so. They need to be able to kind

15:20

of look away. you know for Canada J since

15:22

and a lot of couples a hold hands. okay

15:24

I doubt that may not always worked with kids,

15:26

some with you have kids sometimes they have to

15:28

go to the bedroom and have teachers are so

15:31

they can be seated but. Standing

15:33

will lead to poor listening

15:35

leads to yelling and and

15:37

when couples employment stay inside

15:39

the nines I need your

15:41

help. Always be seated. it's

15:43

amazing! Amazing how their discussions

15:45

improve. Yeah, absolutely.

15:47

I can certainly feel that it might even

15:49

feel awkward though to to do that at

15:52

first until you get used to it. I

15:54

think I'm more road like said across the

15:56

table from your hair's work and a couple

15:58

yes are headed of. Invalidate and whale

16:00

a net puts you're right, yeah and

16:03

that kind of puts that wall their

16:05

air. And I am A I appreciate

16:07

you having me in the spring to

16:09

talk about my parenting book. I suggest

16:12

the same guidelines appearances to sit at

16:14

the kitchen table and it when they

16:16

talk to their kids so there's can

16:18

listen to good eye can at read

16:20

Yet I want to get through the

16:23

last couple of analogies her because again

16:25

they're so good. You talk about scratches,

16:27

cuts and lacerations and this is really

16:29

helpful. I mean, I love this. Describe

16:31

it so I use a medical model.

16:34

Scratches, cuts and lacerations. Scratches: If the

16:36

three of us are working around the

16:38

house and we scratch ourselves, you know

16:40

it's not. Hurts a little maybe

16:42

a little little law saying does mark

16:45

on our scam but we know that's

16:47

gonna heal up on it's own so

16:49

we don't do anything with it if

16:51

we cut ourselves. Working around the house

16:54

we will put ointment in a band

16:56

aid on that tired so that he

16:58

doesn't get infected and so. Couples.

17:02

Need. To lead Scratches go. And.

17:06

Don't. Stress out over scratches in

17:08

your marriage? okay and let those

17:10

go. and dress codes and then

17:12

lacerations. Rarely rarely do we get

17:14

a laceration working around the house

17:16

that we have to go to

17:18

the doctor and get stitches to

17:20

pull it back together. Okay, but

17:22

it. but. As and last

17:24

laceration would for. My

17:27

description would be adultery. Physical.

17:30

Abuse. Extreme Verbal abuse. You know,

17:32

those kind of things and hopefully

17:35

lacerations don't happen too often, but

17:37

couples need to just address cuts.

17:39

And lacerations and much scratches go

17:41

Yes. And that makes it easier

17:43

for more illustration to scratches and

17:45

cuts because you know one spouses

17:48

cut is another spouses scratch. Great,

17:50

great, great and saw him again.

17:52

You're You're right. What what one

17:54

defines as a scratch could be

17:56

a cut, you know. And and

17:58

so they're everything. as. Yeah,

18:00

actually I was right. Yeah,

18:02

if with one, what, what

18:04

does the Bible say? Yeah,

18:06

a gentle words create life

18:08

and health. Griping brings discouragement.

18:10

It's so griping all the

18:12

time. God's. Telling us

18:15

in his word, don't do that That

18:17

breaks discouragement and so we got a

18:19

little scratches go. So if I live in

18:21

it that going back to the hug

18:23

and the kissed Yemen giants. Janine.

18:25

I give each other a lengthy, heard, lingering

18:27

kiss every day and it's an I'd date.

18:30

Hopefully becomes natural, but it's an odd date

18:32

Naca, or come home or forget to give

18:34

that to Ginny. Hopefully if I've done it

18:36

three hundred days in a row see would

18:39

forgive me and say radius for got nasty

18:41

as you could initiate, but hopefully she would

18:43

just view that as a scratch Right now,

18:45

I'm just gonna let it go and so

18:48

not deal with the season analogy. Wallpaper, Is

18:51

about the importance of apologizing

18:53

and forgiving. Have. Had a set

18:56

work visa so catchy. that's why they do works

18:58

if this room and I know there's brick on

19:00

the wall but let's say there wasn't a bread.

19:02

This room was filled with steam. And

19:05

we wanted to wallpaper to beautify this room

19:07

we could try to wallpaper till Jesus returns

19:09

assists that to the walls will be day

19:12

up in the wallpaper would just keep sliding

19:14

down so what we would need to do

19:16

is open the door. Let. The

19:18

steam out of the room let the

19:21

walls dry and then. Weekend.

19:23

Wallpaper, The. Room and

19:25

beautify. Likewise, in a marriage,

19:28

when a marriage is struggling,

19:30

the heart is filled with

19:32

the steam of bitterness and

19:34

resentment and apologizing and forgiving.

19:37

Allows that steam to leave the

19:39

heart. So. That the the

19:41

heart can be beautify. It's that the

19:43

we talked about to say and love

19:45

habits. the hug, the kiss at our

19:47

talks that's not gonna stick. If

19:50

there has had been apologizing for giving

19:52

for a cutter laceration to get that

19:54

steam a bitterness out of the heart

19:57

that needs to be their first and

19:59

forgiveness. Is the core of

20:01

our Christian faith. There are a hundred

20:03

and twenty five references in the Bible

20:06

to the importance of forgiveness for interpersonal

20:08

relationship as so that is the glue

20:10

for brokenness for my marriage when it

20:13

happens for your marriage for every marriage.

20:15

And in that context, I think it's

20:17

really important to hit the three types

20:19

of forgiveness or components of forgiveness that

20:22

you illustrate. So the first, when Jim

20:24

is to say i'm sorry I hurt

20:26

you, buy and use the word hurt.

20:29

Yelps. And be specific: I'm

20:31

sorry I hurt you by calling

20:33

you and am I sorry I

20:35

hurt you. Buy for getting to

20:37

do that Important A actions. Ah

20:39

there. and in that's the first

20:41

step. Probably though the most important

20:44

is the second one which creates

20:46

humility. Will you please. Forgive.

20:48

Me: And that

20:50

can be a tough one because it takes

20:52

a lot of courage, a lot humility for.

20:54

Someone. To ask will you please

20:57

forgive me And then the third

20:59

part. Is to always use

21:01

to forgive word couple should never

21:04

say no problem. That's okay, I'm

21:06

over it. Whatever, we always need

21:08

to use the forgive work and

21:11

forgive others as we have been

21:13

forgiven. Now there's to phrases I

21:15

suggest. I. Forgive you. Or.

21:19

With God's Help, I'll work at Forgiven

21:21

You. With God's Help, How work at

21:23

Forgiven You? It's. Gonna apply more

21:25

to lacerations or a deep cuts

21:27

but I had when I went

21:29

over this. it was not healthy

21:31

on my part because I had

21:33

couples it team where it was

21:35

mostly husband's had committed adultery and

21:37

the I was at the husband

21:39

say to the wife i'm sorry

21:41

I hurt you by being unfaithful.

21:44

Ask. Will you please forgive me? And.

21:46

When I was doing my dissertation, I just had.

21:48

I forgive you. And the wife

21:51

would be in tears saying your Pastor

21:53

Schrader to. I have to say I

21:55

forgive you and I suggest you do.

21:57

Which was unhealthy because forgiveness is a

21:59

process. The Bible says God forgives

22:01

in forgets, we only forgive and

22:03

so I read recognize now what's

22:06

important because forgiveness is a process

22:08

for us as human beings is

22:10

to say with God's help. I

22:12

will work at forgiving you basically every

22:15

day for being unsafe for. well, there's

22:17

so much here. Randy of easy. Think

22:19

of this habitual. Is

22:21

center and just met situation and you

22:24

know there has to be balance in

22:26

that that people need to be responsible.

22:28

We don't have time to cover all

22:31

that's I do want to address and

22:33

I think from the wife's perspective if

22:35

I can speak for Gene ah but

22:38

that that concept that maybe the wife

22:40

feels like she is trying. she is

22:42

putting in the efforts. What? We

22:45

talked about today may provide some additional

22:47

tools that she hasn't thought about, but

22:49

it's a very uneven effort. I'm giving

22:52

a one hundred percent. And. He's

22:54

only given twenty percent what

22:56

does she do with that

22:58

acts as so she doesn't

23:00

get the humidity or the

23:02

esteem of bitterness gym. Another

23:04

terrific question and I'm glad

23:06

you brought that up because

23:08

wives are very committed to.

23:10

Learning and growing so be a out that

23:13

way out. Most typical yeah I should say

23:15

generally speaking. Yeah, you're right. Yeah and most

23:17

typical it's and and husband's not so much.

23:19

okay and so. I have ninety

23:22

simple yet effective habits in several have

23:24

it from mental happiness that most of

23:26

them can be read in two or

23:28

three minutes so that although husband doesn't

23:30

want to read, they'll take two or

23:32

three minutes. To. Read about

23:34

stay inside the nights to always

23:36

set to. Give. A lengthy hug

23:39

lingering. Yes, you know this and so I

23:41

suggest a couples that dates and husbands are

23:43

willing to do that they don't want to

23:45

read And that's why my book is so

23:48

thin. Like I said, I'd three hundred feet

23:50

pages on apologizing for. but I wanted a

23:52

sin marriage book that can be looked at

23:54

immediately and at the husband be will be

23:57

willing to get on board and say hey

23:59

I want. Implement this so

24:01

that we can have healthy disagreement discussion so

24:03

that we can have a motion or courses

24:05

and connect And so that I think makes

24:08

the difference is that it's not gonna be

24:10

take a lot of time but could take

24:12

and couples I tell you German just a

24:14

lot of times we'll do this do in

24:16

there are diehard talk they'll take one simple

24:18

yet effective habits three times a week. And.

24:21

Just keep growing. So you're saying,

24:23

relax a bit. Like.

24:25

The process take place and encourage him

24:27

to read two or three these with

24:30

you. On a regular basis Exactly.

24:32

he can pick one out, she can pick

24:34

one else and if it's two weeks and

24:36

just say oh, it's not about this. This

24:38

is specific words and behaviors and guidelines that

24:40

we can use. and let's just talk about

24:42

it. Didn't take that long as and he'll

24:44

get on board with that but he won't

24:46

get on board with. Here's a great big

24:48

Fluffy a way of with a lively I

24:50

was allotted targets lot of diagrams and up

24:52

a lot of concepts and a lot of

24:55

philosophies in this is X explanation America will

24:57

get into that were already. This has been

24:59

so good and ah man I hope. This

25:01

gives you an inkling of the

25:03

tools and resources here and read

25:05

is done Such a good job.

25:07

had distilling what he learned through

25:09

his Phd and really grabbing the

25:11

court. Thanks From a Christian perspective

25:13

which I also appreciate randy of

25:15

we want to be biblically, base

25:17

your focus on the family and

25:19

use those principles that really do

25:22

help in the human relationship of

25:24

our lifetime which is. The. One

25:26

with our spouses. so thanks for being

25:28

with us. Thank you again for having

25:30

me and Gods reaches blessings on your

25:32

lives in your marriages and your families

25:34

as well. Thanks so much And of

25:36

course we have wonderful resources including a

25:38

read his book simple Habits for marital

25:40

happiness. We also have a marriage assessment

25:42

tool it's free you can come and

25:44

take that and in a will point

25:46

out some areas that you're doing great

25:48

and in some areas that you might

25:51

need some additional work and I'm sure

25:53

for hand is to a cool augment

25:55

those the additional. Areas you need some work

25:57

and but get in touch with us if

25:59

you can. In and give them up we get

26:01

will send you a copy of Ran his book

26:03

is our way of saying thank you and if

26:05

can't for that we get in one time have

26:08

to be great and were committed as Christians to

26:10

helping yourself. You just simply can't afford it. I

26:12

think the trust others will take care of the

26:14

cost of that so cause get in touch with

26:16

us. We will get it out to you because

26:18

we want your marriage to be strong. Yeah we'd

26:20

love to hear from you in our numbers eight

26:23

hundred the litter A in the word family force.by

26:25

the episode notes for more will join us. Next

26:27

time we'll have Rochelle to share encouraging you to

26:29

build a safe. That will not fail.

26:31

It's gonna be rough but I say see

26:34

you in Don't forget that What is most

26:36

at stake here isn't your health care is.

26:38

Sandy is a say. Thanks

26:41

for listening to Focus On The Family with

26:43

Jim Daily. I'm John Fuller and Funny Back.

26:47

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