0:02

Middle school is not an easy time for

0:05

anybody, but I was definitely picked on when

0:07

I was growing up and just, yeah, I

0:09

was a sensitive kid so making fun is

0:11

not nice. So I was

0:13

the son of a pastor and I was

0:15

smart and everybody saw me as goody two

0:17

shoes, you know, and it

0:19

took me a little while to embrace that

0:21

identity. My younger brother, he's

0:23

17 now, he thinks of the world

0:25

of his hair, but he

0:27

kind of just looks like a chia pit and we

0:29

tell him that all the time. We

0:31

were both on the high school tennis team at

0:34

the time and so we were giving

0:36

each other a hard time about who was better, but

0:39

what we found that after all that boiled

0:41

down to it made us both better players

0:43

and, yeah, made us stronger in our relationship

0:45

and grew us in our walk with the Lord. Well

0:49

I wonder if you can relate. We're going

0:51

to be talking about the fun that you

0:53

might have in your family and when teasing

0:56

becomes harmful and

0:58

becomes hurtful. This is Focus on the

1:00

Family with Jim Daley. I'm John Fuller and

1:02

thanks for joining us. John, I'm reminded

1:04

of a recent message we shared from

1:07

our British guest, J. John, who recited

1:09

the familiar saying, Sticks and stones may

1:12

break my bones, but words will never

1:14

hurt me. And according to

1:16

J. John in that episode we aired, that's

1:18

not just a nursery rhyme.

1:21

It's a nursery crime is how he said

1:23

it because words can hurt. I don't know

1:25

if you remember being teased. Oh, maybe junior

1:28

high? Oh, yes, that was particularly difficult. I

1:30

don't know why. We're all vulnerable at that

1:32

age. The fact is our words

1:34

can hurt and even when teasing is done in

1:36

a spirit of fun and games it can go

1:39

over this line. And I'm good

1:41

at it actually. Teasing is something I

1:43

can do right away. I've noticed. Have

1:45

you ever gotten that? But

1:47

hopefully I've tried to do it with fun, but it is

1:49

when it's pointed at a person and denigrates

1:52

the other person and it's I think something

1:54

different. And we're going to talk about that

1:56

today with our guests who are going to

1:58

enlighten us. The great like

2:00

Sean and is amazing Shrinking Sister and

2:02

it's a book about teasing him. yeah

2:04

I think as he said jim we

2:06

all experience it's I remember when I

2:08

was about nine or ten there was

2:10

an uncle teasing me at a family

2:13

get together and I cried, he's like

2:15

you just gotta toughen up and and

2:17

I'm. All. These years later,

2:19

I actually have a deep affection and

2:21

love for that guy. I got through

2:23

that episode somehow, but. It

2:25

does get a difficult and were any

2:27

as you said talk about that. We've

2:29

got daughter Danny were to with us.

2:31

He's on staff here at Focus and

2:34

heads up the parenting and youth teams.

2:36

I he's an author and he heads

2:38

up our practice makes parent podcast with

2:40

Rebecca St. James. We're very pleased about

2:42

that. We also have Ginger Hubbard's back

2:44

with us as season author and a

2:46

speaker and podcast host and she specializes.

2:48

In helping parents get a handle on

2:50

the behavior of their kids are thank

2:52

you Lord. A

2:55

never ending ministry opportunity for that. So

2:57

as you said, Jim a Ginger has

2:59

current a book called Sean and his

3:01

Amazing Shrinking Sister a book about teasing.

3:03

It's a great little books and will

3:05

be a touching on that as we

3:07

go. You can learn more about our

3:09

guess in that books and our website

3:11

of the link is in the show

3:13

Notes: Ginger Danny welcome to focus on

3:15

the family name for be with you

3:17

Guys. Had them yet all every day.

3:21

As a good judge, it's good to have you back. Thank you.

3:23

It's good to the that. Love the accent near.

3:25

Where you can add Southern? Now where's

3:27

that from? Alabama? Alabama? Okay, I like

3:30

that. Where the seventy degrees? By the

3:32

way. A joke, a stub brag and.

3:35

Ah yes so I had when you

3:37

said that story a moment ago, don't

3:39

have that you. I remember one my

3:41

mom's best friend Penny of She's passed

3:43

away now but when I was five

3:46

she looked at me because I was

3:48

a very excited five year old to

3:50

them as I resisted are ready to

3:52

this very verbal and she looks really

3:54

good. See ghosts you get diary of

3:56

the Mouse events. And down I mean

3:58

seriously I tried not to talk the rest of

4:00

the day in give i thought wow I don't

4:02

want to be that but isn't it funny either

4:04

they're being as it doesn't really understand out of

4:06

as. I think

4:08

I got the final word on now

4:11

in spurts. Let's start there. ginger. From

4:13

your experience, what are some common forms

4:15

of teasing among children and maybe adults?

4:17

And why do you believe most teasing

4:20

can be harmful? Or

4:22

teasing usually falls under two

4:24

categories and there is Mark

4:26

which is imitating someone for

4:28

the purpose of making them

4:30

feel silly. Are making fun of so.

4:32

Yeah. Yeah and that's gonna make them

4:34

feel. Ridiculous. And so and

4:37

then there is teasing in the

4:39

form of ridiculing and be little

4:41

league or we might call that

4:43

insulting where that is gonna make

4:46

someone feel. Inadequate. less

4:48

significant. And so I would say

4:50

that it usually falls under those

4:52

categories, but that of the teaser

4:54

is ridiculing or martine or be

4:56

Little Lane. Biblically teasing falls under

4:58

the category of unwholesome talks, which

5:00

does not benefit the listener. In

5:03

fact, it does just the opposite.

5:05

It tears down the person who

5:07

is being teased, which is a

5:09

direct violation of God's commands for

5:11

us to love one another and

5:13

build one another. Ah, is. There

5:15

a playful teasing that's in the good

5:17

zone. It's fun and in notes on

5:20

directed at somebody maybe. but what What

5:22

would that look like? Cruisers? What? you're

5:24

talking that usually. It is directed at

5:26

some one but added. Makes it a lot

5:28

funnier that on as I think there is where

5:30

for. Playful teasing and I think you

5:32

can tell by the way the person

5:34

is responding. God God does give us

5:36

that sense of discernment says you're teasing

5:38

some what I love to be teased

5:41

most of the time I was teased

5:43

in school, some that I did not

5:45

like it so much. but and teasing

5:47

can be fine. but I playful that

5:49

we can tell when it's really hearing

5:51

someone down just by the way they're

5:53

responding to it. and that's when we

5:55

need to back. Up and down and build

5:57

up. Danny I wanted to get this out as.

6:00

Quickly as possible. because there is. To

6:02

me, there's a difference between teasing and

6:04

then bullying. Yeah, but I don't know

6:06

that most people would know where that

6:08

line is. Or maybe it's a zone,

6:11

not necessarily a line. But how do

6:13

we distinguish between the bowling and the

6:15

and kind of the breaking down of

6:17

somebody that way was versions than a

6:20

family? that's so important? Understand them in

6:22

that adds. Some families have a culture

6:24

of i'm doing teasing that can be

6:26

pretty destructive. overtime specialists over talking about

6:28

weight issues and things. That were were

6:31

there verbally getting more more aggressive

6:33

with their teasing. I remember watching

6:35

this dad. Our we were

6:37

at the next in line at at

6:39

at. it was a roller coaster ride

6:41

at Disney right? The happiest place on

6:44

earth And this dad was ah they're

6:46

just got enough the ride and the

6:48

data's walk it off and the tenant

6:50

said hey guys are you forgot something

6:52

knows his son that had forgotten his

6:54

belongings. And he went grabbed and

6:56

came back and the dad's kind of

6:58

last saying and angry at same time

7:00

and he slapped him upside the head

7:02

said then you're so stupid why right

7:04

in front of give everyone that is

7:06

that bowling right there From a dad

7:08

to a son suggest the sun was

7:10

taller bigger than his dad he just

7:12

folded over. While in the presence of

7:14

rush hour just Russia deserve Russia's sphere.

7:16

You could see that lack of security

7:18

Cetera that's terrible at both of you.

7:20

Have examples of are being teased about

7:22

your hair styles now have those I

7:24

accept. And ads are the blade as a

7:27

way that no hair dye my hair did

7:29

you have a clairvoyant? Well here was very

7:31

important of the in high school a private

7:33

not so the lord took that away to

7:35

answer your have figured well. As

7:37

I said no more no more time on

7:40

the So my my sister never listen to

7:42

your sister right? since my sister said I

7:44

had any as many have a good perm

7:46

would be would begin have ever do that.

7:48

Liked her camera like her Cameron of Snake

7:50

and I look school on growing pants. Go.

7:55

Out for you to sit out us says it. but

7:57

I saw the picture like this guy. And

7:59

so they. They did a perm and I

8:02

looked like a poodle. I really did. So

8:05

then I went home and I said, how do I

8:07

get rid of this perm? And it was one week

8:09

to school, to the start of the school year. I

8:12

junior year in high school and

8:14

I go, no one will notice. No one will notice.

8:16

So I walked down the stairs. The first thing, one

8:19

of my friends yells out, Danny, you look

8:21

like a poodle. And he

8:23

just yelled it out down the hallway. Everyone

8:25

turns around. I got the

8:27

nickname Air Hertha. And the

8:30

basketball team went to the Air Hertha. It

8:35

was a perm that lasted a while. You

8:37

didn't try mayonnaise? I think mayonnaise will help take

8:39

that out. No one told me about that one.

8:42

I should have used that. Ginger, what about your

8:44

hair experience? So

8:46

actually it wasn't my hair, it was my ears. It

8:48

was the first time that I decided to wear my

8:50

hair in a ponytail. Okay, so the hair is involved?

8:53

The hair is involved, yes. So I pulled my hair up

8:55

into a ponytail for the first time because all the girls

8:57

were doing that. And someone

8:59

called me Elephant Ears. And

9:01

so I had the big ears. I think I've

9:03

grown into them now though. You think maybe? Absolutely.

9:06

But for the longest time, every time

9:08

I didn't wear my hair up forever,

9:10

because of that it sticks with you.

9:13

And so, and even to this day, I'll wear my hair

9:15

up. But I still, when I look in the mirror, I

9:17

think, Elephant ears? I don't know. You know?

9:20

I hear a lot better than other people. The better

9:22

to hear you with, Ginger. Ginger,

9:25

why do you believe teasing is a

9:28

heart issue most of the time? Well,

9:31

I think a lot of times with

9:33

kids, well I know a lot of

9:35

adults who love attention, but especially with

9:37

kids, they love attention. And

9:39

so, so often at the heart of it

9:41

is trying to get attention or to entertain.

9:44

But both of those motives are selfish

9:47

in nature because they bring a form

9:49

of satisfaction to the teaser, but it's

9:51

at the expense of hurting someone else.

9:53

And one telltale sign that it is

9:56

to get attention is

9:58

if there's an audience involved. But

10:00

it's really selfish for children or

10:02

anyone to place their need for

10:04

attention above the feelings and the

10:06

best interest of others. In Philippians

10:09

chapter 2 verses 3

10:11

and 4 we're told, do nothing out

10:13

of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather

10:15

in humility consider others better

10:17

than yourselves. Looking

10:20

to the interest of others instead of your own.

10:22

You know, and I think guys, I'm thinking

10:24

of guy teasing. And you know, again, I

10:27

feel there's a difference between the way

10:29

girls might tease and the way guys tease.

10:33

You had a situation, I think, Danny, with your

10:35

daughter where she was being teased in school. Isn't

10:38

that great? I think girls tease differently,

10:40

I think. They do. Now

10:43

this one was boys teasing my daughter in high

10:45

school. So she

10:47

was trying to answer some questions and she answered

10:49

incorrectly. And I think they were trying to flirt

10:52

with her. I tried to explain that to her.

10:55

But in a way that was, they had no emotional

10:57

intelligence with the way they were teasing her. They

11:00

teased her about her intelligence. They said, blonde

11:02

girls do not ask questions. And

11:06

they told her that because she

11:08

was blonde, that's why she got it wrong. And

11:11

they would toss things at her to get her

11:13

attention. And they were just trying

11:15

so hard to get her attention. And another boy next

11:17

to her talked to the guys and said, hey,

11:19

my best friend is blonde and he is a genius.

11:21

He's super smart, so that's not it.

11:25

And he said, you guys need to leave her alone. He

11:27

stood up for her and would say, hey,

11:29

don't listen to what they're saying. It's not even true. And

11:32

sometimes we need to observe when someone's

11:34

being teased and have courage to step

11:36

in and give him a sense of

11:38

truth. Well that situation too is like

11:41

immaturity. It is. So that's

11:43

junior high kind of stuff. But Jean had a

11:45

great line for that. Being blonde, when she was

11:47

teased, she said, well, the dumbest blonde I ever

11:49

knew was brunette. That

11:53

would just stop it right there. Okay, first

11:55

I have to figure out what was she saying. But it

11:58

was interesting. My daughter said I stopped asking for it. Questions.

12:00

Yeah. So did a sectarian am deeply

12:03

June rising. Jane had that as well.

12:05

Being blown. That mean there's that. You

12:07

know the blonde jokes. Ryan in a

12:09

we all would Sam and. Yeah. Everett

12:11

stopped her from asking questions and say the same

12:13

thing happened to me. It's I tried out for

12:15

cheerleader and sixth grade and I'm one of those

12:18

people. You know how when you're young the kids

12:20

always try to get eat us? What is it?

12:22

Pat your head. And rub your to a carry

12:24

on that the i've never even if it's like having

12:26

one is rak. And only do one thing at

12:28

a time to sas miles apart as driving and

12:30

talking at the same time. there's no telling where

12:33

we're going to ones are. So I definitely two

12:35

things at once and so I tried out for

12:37

cheerleader not some sir I had to practice way

12:39

more to be able to do the moves and

12:41

that sheer at the same time so had to

12:43

practice forever to get it. but we only had

12:45

a day one c or to try out so

12:48

I made the team which was not a good

12:50

thing because as soon as we had the first

12:52

ball game at it and do all of those

12:54

for years and like all the other groups that

12:56

are somehow twenty. One way that they went one

12:58

way and out with the other said they were

13:00

two girls that did not make the cheerleading team

13:02

and they were sitting in the stands and they

13:05

were mocking me and making fun of me and

13:07

so it just really made me insecure So I

13:09

thought well okay I'm not gonna do the cheerleading

13:11

thing so I actually dropped out. I'm going be

13:13

in the band's because if you don't hear that

13:15

you're in the band. So a practice I was

13:17

first share clarinet and then the school decided to

13:19

have a marching band. Will. Either way,

13:22

the parent clarinet in March at the same

13:24

time I can only did one of the

13:26

others that then I became known as the

13:28

you know big eared cheerleader who can marginally

13:30

the clarinet at the same time. Mess.

13:33

So they do this hundred herbie right? That's

13:35

the point. Sure, It's us and it mit

13:37

me feel awkward a lot into this day.

13:39

You know it's like even when I enter

13:41

a room as like I wanna start the

13:43

did this disclaimer and say hey i'm didn't

13:45

or hubbard I might say or do something

13:47

really awkward such as be prepared way I

13:49

feel it's like it puts a label. Yeah,

13:51

it's kind of amazing how those

13:53

things the sensitivities occurred into adulthood.

13:55

Yemen, You know, you get married.

13:57

The spouse inadvertently pushes these books.

14:00

Right here. She doesn't even know they're pushing

14:02

your joints. I didn't mean you're stupid. But

14:06

he in fact as this when I

14:08

was debating was whether to ask you

14:10

about but in the Old Testament you

14:12

mention this I think in the Great

14:14

Book for Kids from. The.

14:16

Old Testament story with Eliza

14:18

and what God did too

14:20

quiet his critics. Yeah seem

14:22

to be some kids that

14:24

were Juri. Yeah, yeah, Danny, you're going

14:26

appreciate the story. I mean, that's what

14:28

else is that? your. Yeah, that's a

14:31

pretty radical Hillary when I was raising

14:33

in the Bible says and Second teams.

14:35

Chapter two and a gang of boys

14:37

forty two boys to the exact were

14:39

teasing the Prophet Elijah about his bald

14:41

head and Ally settled down a curse

14:43

and the name of the Lord and

14:45

to Bears came out of the woods

14:48

and mauled the whole gang's. Now that's

14:50

probably not a passage of scripture that

14:52

I would recommend reading the kids it

14:54

for a bedtime stories for a lot.

14:56

it is one that I would say

14:58

would get their attention. Because it

15:00

does suggest how seriously Dad takes

15:03

teasing. And the whole moral of

15:05

the stories was that to ridicule

15:07

a Lysa was to ridicule the

15:09

law or it that gang of

15:11

boys was yelling get out of

15:13

here baldy that it was God

15:15

who created a license bald head

15:18

just to see creates all of

15:20

us with unique physical features and

15:22

up personalities and characteristics and so

15:24

to a you know make fun

15:26

of any aspect of the unique

15:28

qualities of God's creation. Is to

15:31

criticize the creator himself. Spicy

15:33

the bogus A semi. Taken

15:36

a lot of material way from A

15:38

and Potter. Seventeen bucks as whoever marks

15:40

the poor says contempt. For their

15:42

maker said we don't credited on my

15:44

God created him that the Power of

15:46

Words services focus on the family would

15:48

seem daily and or guess or Ginger

15:50

Hubbard and Doctor Danny were to kinda

15:53

were covering a very important topic. Lot

15:55

of families just I think deal with

15:57

this by not dealing with addition. We

15:59

won't impact you to be in a

16:01

good spot for your family. So get

16:03

a copy of books that Ginger wrote

16:05

along with L. Roland called Sean and

16:07

is Amazing Shrinking Sister a book about

16:09

teasing are we got so many other

16:11

helpful resources and or website as well

16:13

at the link is in the show

16:15

Notes: Year Ginger wit

16:17

is rewarded in our culture probably most

16:20

cultures you know just being can a

16:22

quick. To the draw. But

16:24

you're saying for parents particularly, they

16:26

need to be careful about what

16:28

they speak over their children. Danny's

16:30

example a moment ago about implying

16:33

that that young man was stupid

16:35

and that's why he left his

16:37

things behind. Right? Has anybody ever

16:39

left a thing behind? I guess

16:41

we're all students, but the point

16:43

of that? his parents' words carry

16:45

so much more. Wait for a

16:47

child and they mean everything to

16:49

them. And we don't realize that

16:52

sometimes. With us and no

16:54

one likes to be made fun

16:56

of no matter how old we

16:58

are that teasing children in particular

17:01

is especially harmful. That has their

17:03

social an interpretation skills are not

17:05

fully developed so they are able

17:08

to distinguish the difference between sarcasm

17:10

and traced what we view as

17:12

teasing and just poking fun They're

17:15

going to perceive as criticism and

17:17

take it to heart and that

17:19

can cause emotional damage that they

17:22

can. Carry with them, own into adulthood.

17:24

Well, the fact that I could remember

17:26

when I was five was my mom's

17:28

friend told me I have the power

17:30

of that stuff. Essay Is Danny: Explain

17:32

why some parents use teasing as a

17:34

way to toughen here. Here's the question.

17:36

Toughen up your kid as the I

17:39

gave you the softball. I mean sometimes,

17:41

especially with Dad's reset. well read: toughen

17:43

up our kids. That's why were teasing

17:45

him to get him ready for junior

17:47

high rise. It is form of rough

17:49

housing between within. it's a trusting relationship

17:51

and was it with between peers. But

17:53

when. It's. From a parent.

17:56

Ginger. is absolutely right there it's

17:58

the processing the interpretation isn't there.

18:00

And so when you're trying to toughen up

18:02

a sensitive child, you're actually destroying them and

18:06

further pushing them

18:08

away from the toughness. What they're

18:10

becoming is either more quiet, more

18:13

withdrawn. They avoid certain personalities or

18:15

situations because of that. And

18:17

if you have a child that is very

18:20

confident with that, you're creating even more grounds

18:22

for them to take that outside of the

18:24

home to some people where they may inadvertently

18:26

hurt others and you're trying

18:28

to toughen them up but in the

18:30

process they may become a bully themselves

18:32

towards other kids and you're thinking I've

18:34

toughened them up and you've

18:37

created something that creates some extra parenting for

18:39

you down the road. Wow and

18:41

you know I think my reaction like I did

18:43

when I was that five year old,

18:45

I just stopped talking for the day. You

18:47

know so you actually retreat and

18:49

then you know they're saying wow look what I

18:51

did for my child. He's actually quiet now if

18:54

that was success. Ginger

18:56

tell us about the book you've

18:58

written here for probably

19:00

for both parents and children. What

19:02

age is this really aimed at?

19:04

I think they decided it would be for ages

19:07

four through eight but I've

19:10

seen older kids up to twelve talk

19:12

about that it was helpful for them.

19:14

So describe the story, what's happening to

19:16

Sean and his shrinking sister and why

19:18

is she shrinking? Okay well it

19:20

starts out actually with mom and dad

19:23

teasing each other when they're going on

19:25

a family camping trip and so Sean

19:27

picks up on teasing from

19:29

his mom teasing his dad and

19:31

so he starts teasing his sister

19:33

Annie and then every time

19:35

he teases her she shrinks a little bit

19:37

which represents how when people tear us down

19:40

it makes us feel small. So

19:42

it's not until his sister Annie

19:44

has gotten so tiny that she's

19:46

almost gone that Sean realizes the

19:49

damaging effects that his words are having

19:51

on his sister. So as the story progresses

19:54

Sean asks forgiveness of his sister,

19:56

her size returns to

19:58

normal and their relationship is That's

20:00

a clever way of describing that really.

20:02

Danny in that regard, what advice do

20:04

you have about helping children respond rather

20:06

than react to teasing? Yeah,

20:09

it's being able to pause

20:11

for a moment and look at what

20:13

is first of all the intent. Are you being

20:15

overly sensitive? That's another thing to teach our kids.

20:18

Sometimes kids are just wanting to have fun with you. Yeah.

20:22

They love you. They care about you. And sometimes

20:24

we're overly sensitive and see everyone as the

20:26

enemy rather than there's some

20:28

people just trying to connect in a way that

20:31

they know how to connect. And so getting to know the

20:33

person in front of you. And

20:35

so responding is looking beyond the

20:37

behavior and figuring out what are

20:39

they really trying to accomplish? Yeah. Do

20:42

they feel insecure? Do they have something else that

20:44

they're struggling with that they're trying to accomplish through

20:47

the teasing in a negative way? In

20:49

a positive way, is this their way of roughhousing

20:51

with me? Is this a way that they're trying

20:53

to show me that they care about me and

20:55

love me? And how can we have fun? How

20:57

can I bring something back to have fun

20:59

and continue the play? The tennis hitting back

21:02

and forth. And it's

21:04

really helping kids pause

21:06

and observe the moment

21:08

rather than immediately reacting

21:11

to what has come their way. You know, a

21:13

good little quick devotional you

21:15

can do. I remember we did this. It

21:18

was using a tube of toothpaste. And

21:20

you know, you give each child a tube

21:22

of toothpaste and a toothpick to

21:25

actually squirt the toothpaste out and then try

21:27

to get the toothpaste back into the tube.

21:30

I mean, a lot of us are familiar

21:32

with that. Of course, they struggle and it

21:34

won't go back in with that toothpick. They

21:36

try, try, try. And then you relate

21:38

that to the words we speak. And it's

21:40

a great little devotional

21:43

you can do with young kids. We did it when

21:45

the boys were probably like five and seven. They

21:48

were all into it. I don't think toothpaste ended

21:50

up on the wall, but probably close. But

21:52

you know, it's just a good way to talk about the power of

21:54

our words. And if you can't take them back,

21:56

once they're out there and they hurt, they

21:59

hurt. Exactly. And

22:01

we have a tendency to focus on the

22:03

negative instead of the positive. That's just our

22:05

human nature. So, you know, say that you,

22:08

someone takes a picture out here in beautiful

22:10

Colorado and you look at the picture and

22:12

it's great scenery and you love what you're

22:14

wearing and your smile's great, but there's this

22:17

big ketchup stain on your white shirt. What

22:19

are you going to fixate on? The

22:21

ketchup stain on the shirt. How am I going

22:24

to get that out? That's what I'm going to fixate on. Shout

22:26

or whatever you use. I don't know. I'm

22:28

going to do that. She always tells me,

22:30

here's how you do it. Let

22:33

me end with this, Ginger. What's

22:36

that strategy for helping moms and dads curtail

22:38

that bad habit? And Danny, you can jump

22:41

in as well. So they're hearing this today.

22:43

They're going, okay, I kind of lean into

22:45

that with my kids and maybe

22:47

I'm doing more destructive harm than

22:49

I realize. What's

22:52

a way for adults to capture

22:54

our own words and not speak

22:57

before we can think about

22:59

what we're saying? Well,

23:01

think before you say it. Is this something

23:03

that could potentially harm someone? And

23:06

I always encourage when children are

23:08

misbehaving, we always want to reach

23:11

past that outward behavior and address

23:13

what is going on in the

23:15

heart because all sin is, you

23:18

know, what is it in Matthew? The mouth

23:20

speaks what the heart is full of. And

23:22

so we have to get past that outward behavior

23:24

and address the issues of the heart. So when

23:26

children are teasing, we

23:29

can ask them heart probing questions. Just something

23:31

very simple. Maybe go back to that verse

23:33

we talked about in Philippians. It says in Philippians, honey, that

23:35

we're not to do things out of selfish ambition,

23:37

but to value the needs of

23:40

others above our own. So could

23:42

it be that you are putting

23:44

your need to entertain or to

23:46

get attention above the feelings of

23:48

the person that you're teasing? Are

23:50

your words showing love and building

23:53

up or are they tearing down?

23:55

And also in Matthew, it says that we are to

23:57

treat others the way that we want to be treated.

24:00

So that's great heart probing questions for kids. Would

24:02

you wanna be treated this way? How would you

24:04

feel if you were being treated this way? So

24:07

we always wanna start with a heart because

24:09

that's the example that Jesus set in scripture.

24:11

When someone did something wrong, he didn't immediately

24:13

launch into what they did wrong and what

24:16

they should have done instead. So often he

24:18

would ask heart probing questions. And in order

24:20

for the people to answer those questions, they

24:22

had to evaluate their own hearts because he

24:24

knew how to ask those questions in a

24:26

way that would cause them to take their

24:28

focus off of what's going on around them

24:30

and the other person and onto the sin

24:33

in their own heart. So when we can

24:35

help our children evaluate and take

24:37

ownership for the sin in their heart,

24:39

that helps them realize their

24:42

need for Jesus. And it's the same

24:44

with us. You were talking about parents

24:46

teasing. And what is our example that we're setting?

24:48

Our kids learn most not by what they hear

24:50

us say, but by what they see us do.

24:53

It's so true. And so we have to ask,

24:55

what's the example we're setting? Did they see us

24:57

tearing other people down? Did

25:00

they see us criticizing their mom or dad? Did

25:02

they see us criticizing them?

25:05

And so we have to take that plank out

25:07

of our own eye and then we can see

25:09

clearly to remove the speck from the eye of

25:11

another. And when we do blow it, we need

25:13

to be humble about it. One thing is

25:15

for certain, we are sinners in need of

25:18

a savior just as much as our children

25:20

are. We need the rescuing and grace

25:22

of God. Yeah, just as much as they

25:24

do. And it's encouraging for our kids to see that. So

25:27

we need to be humble. See, that was

25:29

a little bit of teasing there. That was. You

25:31

brought it right in. All right, well, this has

25:33

been great. And what a wonderful resource for children,

25:36

roughly ages four to eight, but it sounds like even

25:38

up to 12 years old, the message can get through.

25:40

Even mom and dad. Maybe, yeah, I was gonna say,

25:42

I was gonna mention it in the 50s and 60s,

25:45

but Sean and his amazing shrinking

25:47

sister, a book about teasing. Thank

25:50

you, Ginger, for putting this together. Danny, thanks for

25:52

joining us. Yeah, great to be with you. And

25:54

I'm telling you, if you have kids in the

25:56

home about that age, this is

25:58

a great resource to get. Maybe your grandma. grandpa you should

26:01

pick this up and give it to

26:03

your adult children especially if you're saying

26:05

your kid's parent

26:07

in a way that might need a little

26:09

more substance in this direction. Get

26:11

a hold of us and if you can make a gift

26:13

of any amount we'll send it as our way of saying

26:16

thank you for being part of the ministry and

26:18

we'll get it out to you as soon as possible.

26:21

We appreciate your generosity and our numbers 800

26:23

the letter A and the word family 800-232-6459.

26:29

Or stop by the show notes for further

26:31

details. Danny quickly

26:34

before we go you're also doing

26:36

a parenting podcast Practice Makes Parent

26:38

with Rebecca St. James. Yes so

26:40

much fun. That sounds like it's

26:42

going well. Yeah we're tackling parenting

26:44

questions and we just want to

26:46

be life giving to parents and help them along the way

26:48

and have a great conversation with a

26:50

lot of different guests that come on the show.

26:53

Well I hope people tune into that. I hope so. You

26:55

can find more details about Practice Makes Parent

26:57

in the show notes. And

27:00

tomorrow we'll hear a powerful story

27:02

about one woman's horrific journey through

27:05

human trafficking. And then he goes

27:07

I'll marry you. We'll

27:09

marry. I won't marry you.

27:11

And then I come to find out that

27:14

I'm baby mama number eight and his 11th

27:16

child and he wants nothing to do with

27:19

me. On behalf

27:21

of the entire team thanks for listening to

27:23

Focus on the Family with Jim Daley. I'm

27:25

John Fuller inviting you back as we once

27:28

again help you and your family thrive in

27:30

crisis. It

27:35

can be challenging to inspire your community

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to see life the way God sees

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it. So what's the solution? Well

27:42

on June 15th Focus on the Family

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is hosting See Life 24 and no

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matter where you are or who you

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are you can be a part of

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this free event with speakers like Ben

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and Kirsten Watson and real stories about

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faith into action. Register today

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at see life 24.org