0:00

Hello and welcome

0:02

back. I'm Mark. I'm Rox and

0:04

this is our podcast live

0:06

laugh love the podcast

0:12

The Sun is shining Oh,

0:31

yes, you have got to

0:33

live laugh love. Oh, I

0:35

love that song Especially now that

0:38

it's gonna be the opener for our new

0:40

show Coming to the stage

0:43

Rock sign that was a seamless

0:45

link. Thank you very much Yes

0:49

guys, thank you all for joining us once again

0:52

for our podcast we've got all your favorite features

0:54

coming dial a dilemma Date

0:57

night diaries no confessions of a housekeeper

1:00

living with a thavana And

1:02

name that sound but yes

1:05

as rock said, thank you. Sorry. I jumped

1:07

the gun there didn't I? You did but thank

1:09

you. Genuinely. We are quite excited about the

1:11

thought of us doing this show this christmas Yes,

1:14

we're gonna be doing a show in nottingham

1:16

and birmingham live laugh love

1:18

the podcast Will be live

1:21

it's

1:21

gonna be live on a stage

1:23

i've had a vision mark I

1:25

had a vision i've had a vision of me

1:28

a human Disco ball

1:30

Coming on to the stage the light hitting

1:33

me I spin and it lights up the room

1:35

I would just like to publicly state that

1:37

you cannot get a refund for your tickets Now

1:40

you've bought them. There's no going back

1:42

the song's playing loud There's

1:45

cannons going off sorry, everyone's

1:47

cheering you're moaning it

1:49

feels real it feels real

1:51

I mean it feels real i'll give you that Um,

1:54

but yeah, genuinely the response has been insane.

1:57

I know the tickets are going well quick. There's not

1:59

many left I don't think there's many tickets left, but

2:01

if you do want to come and see us, this is going to be two dates

2:04

this Christmas and they're on

2:06

sale now. Well, stocks

2:08

last. Bring

2:09

your friends, bring your family.

2:11

It's going to be a showdown. It's just going to be the podcast

2:14

on stage at Christmas. I

2:16

mean, I can't think of anything better. Sorry,

2:20

I get a bit excited. Right.

2:23

Anyway. Well,

2:23

thank you all. And if you

2:26

are coming to the show, that means you must

2:28

be following this podcast on your favourite podcast

2:30

streaming service.

2:33

If you're not following this podcast by

2:35

now, guys, what is going on? Please

2:37

hit the little plus sign wherever you listen to it so

2:39

that you are an official follower.

2:42

Oh, yeah. Talking of an official follower,

2:44

we've got the new social media

2:46

platform to talk about this week. That

2:48

must be the one that's absolutely

2:50

not like Twitter, but called Threads. Nothing

2:53

like Twitter. Couldn't possibly be like

2:55

Twitter. I thought Threads were just

2:57

the clothes that I wore, you know? Threads

3:00

in a needle. Look at me, sick threads. Look at me,

3:02

that's what the kids say. Look at me, sick threads. I

3:04

actually quite like it. For a dyslexic

3:07

woman who, you know, isn't the most

3:09

easiest at writing, I've quite enjoyed

3:11

it.

3:11

It's not good for the dyslexics. It's not. Is it?

3:14

No. You've got a spell, you've got to have

3:16

a grammar, your full stops, your capital letters. You've got

3:18

to try and be witty. You've got to try and be funny.

3:20

I just want to be understated. Like,

3:22

everyone's trying to be witty and clever and cool. And I'm

3:24

just like,

3:26

anyone got any chocolate? Do you know

3:28

what I mean? I just want to be understatedly threading

3:30

my way through a day. I don't want to be like,

3:33

oh, who's the cleverest on this platform? Just

3:36

where's my PJ weekend crew at? But

3:38

I know I sound like a mum, so I am. But

3:42

you are a mum. But

3:44

yeah, Threads is here. I'm enjoying the fact

3:47

that it feels like

3:48

we're building towards this cage fight between

3:50

Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.

3:52

Who even started that? Is

3:54

that even going to happen? I don't know, but I need

3:57

tickets. It's going to blow pay-per-view streaming. numbers

4:00

and money out of the water. Hopefully they'll just

4:02

knock each other out and then they'll both shut up.

4:05

Do you know what I mean? I mean that's really what

4:07

everyone just needs. Everyone to just

4:09

chill. Just chill.

4:10

It's the modern day like versus though, isn't

4:12

it? You know like in the day you had Steve Jobs

4:15

versus Bill Gates. Right.

4:17

That's no longer a thing. Steve Jobs,

4:19

rest in peace, no longer with us. But

4:22

now this is the new one, isn't it? Zuck versus

4:24

Musk. Yeah, but like they're talking,

4:26

mate. Fights to the death. They've got their

4:28

own verses. Mate, there's one verse,

4:30

the universe. Carry on, son.

4:33

Jog on. I'm going to do me food shop. I ain't

4:35

got time to live in another universe. Jesus.

4:37

The metaverse. Join

4:39

the metaverse now. Untired verse.

4:42

Please come on. Can someone do

4:44

that one? You know, I'm in the Aztev verse. Do

4:46

you know what I mean? I'm

4:48

in the Aztev verse. I'm doing my food shop. I'm

4:51

seeing one of the neighbours. We're having a chat about what day

4:53

the bins go out. I just

4:54

want a glass of wine. I'm building

4:56

for the weekend. The winey verse. That's what I'm

4:58

going to make. Yeah, boozy verse. Boozy. Oh yeah.

5:00

That sounds fun. That sounds like a great.

5:03

Mark Zuckerberg, I've just traded that. Don't nip

5:05

the boozer verse. That is a lad

5:07

baby trademarked, patented idea.

5:09

Well, why?

5:10

Because

5:11

you just said

5:13

it. Because I've said it. In your attic. On your podcast.

5:15

I've said it on my attic. And

5:18

I've stated it. This is a trademark.

5:21

The

5:23

one good thing though, about Threads is it

5:25

feels quite a positive place so far. There's not

5:28

a lot of like

5:29

beef going on. There's not like somebody pushing

5:31

a political agenda. There's no like trolling.

5:34

There's no like heavy abuse.

5:35

Not yet. Not yet. That always happens. But

5:38

I weren't even on Twitter. I've never been on Twitter,

5:40

but I know how awful the trolls are,

5:42

the fake news, all that. Everyone's

5:45

just got abuse. It is a bit cesspooling. It

5:47

is a little bit like everyone's

5:50

just got a theory about life. I feel like that's

5:52

where all the conspiracists go. I

5:54

just can't be bothered with it. I think Threads

5:56

is quite nice. I really hope they don't all

5:59

come over onto Threads.

5:59

because Twitter's just a... It's

6:02

horrible, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, the one good

6:04

thing that... Well, I mean, I say it's a good

6:06

thing. The threads, the

6:09

thread-a-verse... Thread-a-verse.

6:11

Doesn't have DMs. You can't message

6:13

people. I'm enjoying it. Oh! I

6:15

thought you wouldn't be. I thought you'd like

6:17

a little DM. Oh, look, someone sent

6:20

me. Oh, it's on offer. Yeah, but

6:22

also DMs come with, you know, tricky

6:26

weirdness. I get weird... Tricky

6:29

weirdness. I get weird DMs. I do

6:31

get a lot of DMs.

6:34

I mean, I get the usual. I get the dick

6:36

pics, the...

6:37

No, you don't. You've shown me one. How often

6:39

do you get dick pics? Once a week, dick pics.

6:42

No way! I get... Sorry!

6:44

Sorry!

6:44

Six-pack pics. Like, people

6:47

sending me this. You get dick pics every week!

6:50

Yeah, I wish I didn't. Right, right.

6:52

I delete and block a lot of people, because I think it is a crime,

6:55

to be fair. I don't think people should be sending us that.

6:57

Just not nice enough dicks or...?

7:00

I don't look. I'll be honest. I

7:02

can notice a dick pic just from being in the

7:04

inbox. From a mile away. Yeah, they usually got a

7:06

thumbnail of a cat or a car

7:10

or a wet thing. A

7:12

car. Yeah, that's all. It

7:14

is a car. It's always a car.

7:16

Pull. Car. You

7:18

know what? I'm going to be honest.

7:20

I've never had a... Tick pic. Or

7:22

a... What would a... A... A...

7:26

Palmer handpick. I've

7:28

never had a handpick of

7:31

any lady's lower region. Make

7:34

yourself

7:34

lucky, because I think dicks and... But

7:37

I mean, I don't feel like this is a thing that

7:39

women do. I don't feel like women are sending blokes.

7:41

Course they do. Course they do. Butts,

7:44

boobs, cleavage, sexy

7:47

pics. Yeah, maybe to people they're

7:49

like seeing or they're dating.

7:51

I don't think they're cold-titting

7:53

people. It's

7:57

like cold calling. It's like cold calling. I don't think

7:59

they're...

7:59

I don't think they're cold-titting people. I

8:02

feel like you're getting cold-dicking.

8:03

I get cold-dicking. I get a lot of

8:06

six packs. I get a lot of like...

8:10

You know what, I'll be honest. We've been doing

8:12

what, social media, about seven years

8:14

now? I've only had one

8:17

that was questionable.

8:17

You showed me these! This

8:20

was a couple of years ago when England was playing in

8:22

the Euro or the World Cup or whatever. And

8:24

there was a woman bent over with

8:27

her trousers down on her backside

8:30

out.

8:30

And she had a football

8:33

coming home, like scrawled

8:35

across her arse in a sharpie pen. But

8:39

in the home that O was missing, and

8:41

that was...

8:42

Her butthole. Her

8:44

ring piece. We did laugh at that for a second. That's

8:47

the only one I've ever received that's a bit questionable. I'll

8:49

be honest, I get a lot of women.

8:51

A lot of women? A

8:54

lot of lesbian women. Do you? Coming onto you?

8:57

Yeah, loads. I would say more than

8:59

dick pics.

9:00

No way! Yeah, but

9:02

I've been out before in clubs and women have tried

9:04

to kiss me. Yeah, but I just thought they're

9:06

excited. No, I get a lot of messages like, Leave

9:09

him, come and live with me. I've got an important question

9:12

to ask you. I've got an important question. What?

9:14

Are you still getting the messages about your feet?

9:18

Oh my God, that is the most intense. Yes!

9:21

You need to capitalise. If you don't know,

9:23

I don't know if people know this, but I get

9:26

foot requests for people to see

9:28

my feet, to open an OnlyFans

9:31

every day. Every

9:33

single day. People are obsessed with my

9:35

feet.

9:36

Right. Obsessed. Why

9:38

aren't we making the most of this? Why would we? Don't

9:41

get me wrong, I respect if you want to go

9:43

on OnlyFans, that's up to you. You might

9:45

not agree with what I do,

9:46

right? I can't. But

9:49

I genuinely don't want to

9:51

be on there, and that's not

9:53

for me. I'm a family gal. I'm not

9:55

about the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're

9:58

not going on there for a...

9:59

a sexual purpose. You're

10:02

going on there. Your

10:02

foot fetish is sexual, Mark. Not, it's

10:04

not, not the type of pictures that

10:07

we would take. It's not for me. We. Like

10:09

your wife's foot pin. You're

10:11

not my foot pin. Right. We could take some

10:13

nice photos of you in different shoes. Right.

10:17

Why? You in some high heels? No.

10:19

You in some fluffy slippers?

10:20

No, I'm not in the adult industry and that's

10:23

not what I get. That's not the adult industry. Of course it is.

10:25

You could be a foot model. I don't, I

10:28

don't want to be. Right. My feet are ugly

10:30

as. Right. If, if a high

10:32

street clothing brand approached you

10:35

tomorrow and went, we're looking to sell some

10:37

socks, would you like, wish, would

10:39

you like to be a sock model? I think you

10:41

would take it. I would question because

10:43

I have an ugly foot, but it's an ugly

10:45

foot. You've got an ugly foot.

10:48

I have. You've got little gremlin feet. I've got little claws

10:50

at the front. Gremlin feet. It's like

10:52

a cross between a gremlin and a jack rosser. Gollum

10:55

toes. Like that's not my fault. But

10:58

I'll be honest, you do well in the wizardry.

11:00

Nah, I've never had a single, I've

11:02

never had a single request. No, yeah, because they

11:05

know you would instantly give it to them for like a quid.

11:07

You've got no standards. Genuinely,

11:10

if somebody DMed me and went, can I have a photo

11:12

of your feet for a fiver? I would, I'd

11:14

ask how many photos they wanted. You're joking.

11:17

No, why? I

11:19

just, I've got ugly feet. I can make a bit of money

11:21

selling pictures. I get it. If you want to do

11:23

that, it's just not on my phone. I

11:26

don't think I would. I just don't think I would.

11:29

500 grand. Half a mil. Half

11:32

a million. Right, we're going to start. I'm going to work with

11:34

that. Half a mil for a picture of your feet

11:36

and a pair of doing socks.

11:37

You put my socks on eBay and they went for 64 grand.

11:40

Yeah, I know.

11:41

This was a couple of years ago. We did a video about

11:43

me

11:44

auctioning rocks and socks. They auctioned for 64

11:47

grand, but they never paid up. Exactly.

11:49

I've still got them.

11:50

No one's going to pay half a million. Right. OK,

11:52

but hypothetically. Oh, yeah, of course

11:55

I'm going to take half a million. I can get myself a

11:57

new car. Get yourself a new house. Not familiar.

12:00

I just broke one on my car again. Right, so,

12:02

okay, half a million you do. Half,

12:05

yeah. Okay, 100 grand. 100,000 pounds.

12:09

You can buy yourself a new little car.

12:12

Ooh, go and get a red one, cherry red. Ooh!

12:15

Ooh! Soft, soft, cherry

12:17

red. Ooh.

12:19

Yeah, if you had a bit

12:21

of cherry red. Okay, okay. I would

12:23

for 100K. 50 grand. 50 grand. You

12:26

know. 50 grand. Oh Laura, you'll never guess, can't

12:28

we get a new car? No, I wouldn't do it for 50 grand. 50,000 pounds.

12:32

What will that get me, Jon? It'll get

12:34

you a new car. But I don't really want

12:37

to put my feet. It could get you a holiday to the Maldives,

12:39

all-inclusive, flights there.

12:41

That's not true, is it? Yeah, 50,000 pounds, yeah.

12:45

Yeah, all right, I'm in. Okay, okay. It's

12:48

the way you sell it to me, Mark. You know

12:50

how to get me. 10,000 pounds. No

12:52

way. 10,000 pounds. No way,

12:54

no way. 10,000 pounds. Look,

12:57

I'll be forever known as the foot woman. 10,000 pounds,

13:00

you could fly you and five of your

13:03

friends. So Ibiza, all-inclusive,

13:06

for a four-day weekend,

13:09

you could pay to get in every club

13:11

that have all the drinks. Oh, I'd better get childcare. I'll

13:14

look after the kids for 10 grand,

13:16

you fly over to Ibiza. All right, fine. Yes!

13:19

You're such a little, I nearly swore. 5,000 pounds,

13:22

you could take. No way, no way. You could take you and two

13:25

friends. No, no, I'm not going.

13:27

I'm disgusted in myself, I went lower than

13:30

10K. Right,

13:32

if anybody knows- How much would you sell yours

13:34

for? A ton of- I'd

13:37

give them away. I'd probably give them away. So,

13:41

I'll be honest- Just so you know, Onlyfans

13:43

is not happening. I haven't got foot

13:45

fetish weirdos up. You have any experience

13:47

in the foot photography world? No. If

13:50

you know of any popular foot fetish websites

13:53

or any luxury high-end

13:55

foot modeling jobs- I'm just gonna get my lawyer onto,

13:58

Mark. Your mum isn't a lawyer. And

14:00

your mum would sell you out for the fires. If

14:03

I went to your mum and went, I've secured a picture

14:05

for 10 grand for one of Rox's toes,

14:08

we'll split the difference. Your mum would take

14:10

the photo. She'd hold you down and take the

14:12

photo. I'd do it for me mum. I'd let her have fire case. She

14:14

needs holiday. Right. She needs holiday. So,

14:17

Rox is now doing it for five grand for your mum. No.

14:20

If anyone knows anything about the fuck

14:23

that works. But don't

14:23

tell my mum please, because she'll do it.

14:25

She'll actually put her feet on her. Oh my God. No,

14:27

don't. She's got a bog off deal going. She's got a lovely foot

14:29

my mum. A little bog off deal. Family

14:32

foot. No, what is it? Only family.

14:34

Only family. Yes. You

14:37

can buy a picture of Rox's feet and

14:41

get one of her mum's thrown in for free.

14:44

For five grand. Right. Genuinely, if

14:46

anyone knows anything about the foot

14:48

fetish world, get in touch.

14:51

Yeah. I mean, have you got a foot fetish or

14:53

are you into it? Like I'm not slacking you off, but can you

14:55

not keep DMing me?

14:57

Oh my God. If you are somebody with

15:00

a foot fetish. Yeah. Tell us what it

15:02

is you love about it. Is it the nails?

15:04

Yeah. What is it? Is it the hair?

15:07

Is it the smell? I'm trying to think

15:09

if I love a fetish. Do I have a fetish? I

15:12

don't think I have one. Chocolate.

15:16

For tall, good looking men. Oh yeah. Tall,

15:18

dark, handsome. Oh yeah. Shame

15:21

you ended up with me. Oh

15:23

no. You're at least one of them. I'm one out

15:25

of three. I'm tall. You're

15:28

handsome. Thank you. Well,

15:31

if you have got any fetishes, fetishes.

15:33

Fetishes. Fetishes. I

15:35

can't say the word. You would like to share with us

15:38

all you know about the foot industry.

15:40

Do get in touch. Labbabypodcastatgmail.com.

15:44

Or if you've got an OnlyFans for feet, let

15:46

me know. I need to see this. If

15:48

you've got an OnlyFans for anything, let us know. What's

15:50

the OnlyFans world like? Yeah. I've never

15:53

been on it. No, it's something

15:55

I'm intrigued to know. What is

15:58

the OnlyFans averse like? Funny

16:01

verse. Oh,

16:04

somebody's lowering the tone. No, I haven't

16:06

fanned either. Sure.

16:09

Disgusting, Roxanne. Disgusting.

16:12

Get out of our loft. Right. Are

16:14

you ready for the first feature? Compose

16:16

yourself. Get yourself out of

16:18

the funny verse. Right.

16:22

You ready? I'm out. I'm out. Have

16:25

you got a dilemma?

16:27

Do you need some help with your only

16:29

first dilemma? Disgusting.

16:33

You like your sake? I've got

16:36

a dilemma that's coming. It's

16:38

a tricky one, I reckon. Hi,

16:40

Mark and Rox. I work at a school which has

16:42

its own swimming pool. Lovely. I do

16:44

the laundry for the school, so it's my job to

16:47

go into the locker room, collect all the dirty

16:49

laundry. However,

16:51

whenever I go in, one of my co-workers,

16:55

let me just highlight co-workers, is

16:58

always undressing fully out

17:01

in the open. Is

17:03

David Lloyd all over again? It's a communal

17:06

changing area,

17:07

obviously. It's

17:09

just the communal for the teachers or whatever. She

17:13

will even stop me and have a

17:15

chat while she's completely naked.

17:18

N to the O. Genuinely,

17:22

I have seen every part of this woman from top to bottom. She

17:25

thinks it's completely normal. She

17:27

says it's partly, she is partly

17:29

nudist, and we all have the

17:31

same body part, so what's the big deal?

17:34

Right.

17:35

Right. Last time, she

17:37

literally shook her boobs at me, and

17:39

I jokingly offered her a dollar to put

17:41

her clothes back on. FYI,

17:45

she doesn't get naked in front of students.

17:47

It's just the staff changing room. Any

17:50

advice on how to avoid seeing

17:52

little saggy

17:54

boobs? Oh, bitchin', bitchin'.

17:57

Every day would be amazing. Love

17:59

you both.

17:59

Tessa.

18:01

I couldn't deal with seeing a co-worker naked.

18:04

Like I know you're my co-worker love, but

18:06

I'm married to her. If

18:08

I was working with Paul from accounts

18:11

and he got his dick out while I was

18:13

there and flaunted it

18:15

and shook it, I'd have him done in HR.

18:18

That's what I'd have. This is a locker

18:20

room. You're allowed to get changed in

18:22

a locker room. You're not allowed to shake your little boobs

18:24

at me and you're not allowed to go, it's all all right. There

18:27

is these sort of people in life which

18:29

I'm not even judging it. I just find

18:32

it quite brazen to go. Well,

18:34

we've all got the same parts. I think

18:36

we have, but not everyone respects

18:39

other people.

18:39

We all respect our parts differently,

18:42

don't we? Well, yeah. And also some people,

18:44

you may want to put it out there and I respect your decision,

18:47

but I don't have to like that respective decision.

18:50

I don't want it paraded. So what's the

18:52

conclusion, Rox? How are you solving

18:54

this dilemma? I'll go straight to

18:57

HR and report her. You can't. Oh,

18:59

I'm reporting one of my colleagues for getting

19:01

changed in the changing rooms. No, I'm reporting

19:04

Karen or Deborah or anyone

19:06

to, she

19:08

showed me her boobs. In the changing rooms. She'd

19:11

get a straight up firing for that. No,

19:12

shouldn't have been looking. That's not helping

19:14

the situation. That is true, yeah. No, I

19:16

wouldn't. I just don't think I could cope with it. I

19:19

wouldn't go in there. That is a job. No,

19:21

if there's anything prudish or anything like that, it's

19:23

a job she works in. She's got to do the laundry.

19:26

I would just do it at time. That lady ain't

19:28

there. I just couldn't deal with it. I couldn't deal

19:30

with it. I mean, that was going to be my advice. My

19:32

advice would be wait until

19:35

this woman is in class. This

19:38

teacher, she has to go to class or whatever

19:40

a job is within the school. She works in the kitchen.

19:43

Wait until you know she's

19:45

out of the changing rooms before you go in and do

19:47

your cleaning. It's always best to remove yourself

19:50

from their problem, their

19:53

parts. I

19:55

have this in David Lloyd and I struggle

19:58

with it.

19:58

I would find it so much harder. though, right?

20:00

It's fine in the gym because

20:02

these aren't people I have to work with.

20:04

This is the thing, the colleague bit. This

20:07

is the other level of awkwardness that

20:09

like... Strangers, I can't

20:12

do that. But I've got to... But if I'm then 10

20:14

minutes later, I'm then sat next to this

20:16

person and we're in a briefing or we're in a meeting

20:18

or we're giving a lecture.

20:21

That stuff burns in the back of your head. I'm going to be looking

20:23

over going, oh, I just saw John's

20:25

dick a minute ago. Remember?

20:27

Yeah. And that burns into the back

20:29

of your brain. You can never not see them naked.

20:32

So my idea is to just

20:34

wear glasses or

20:37

just like don't look at them.

20:39

Just be like, hi. Yeah. Have a conversation

20:42

at the wall. So she feels a bit

20:44

awkward because she obviously knows now that you're

20:46

uncomfortable. That's what I do.

20:49

I just look away. You

20:50

would look at the wall. So someone's talking to you and you would

20:52

look completely at the wall. That would make

20:55

you look like a nutter. That's fine. I

20:57

haven't had to see her gash today. All

20:59

right. That's that's why. Right.

21:01

The conclusion from all this is go

21:04

in at a different time. I feel like that's the

21:06

best. Yeah. Probably that's the adult solution. That's

21:08

the adult solution. Don't report

21:10

her because she needs her job. All right. Just that

21:13

was bad advice from me. I'll be honest.

21:15

It's so disgusting. I thought I've

21:17

seen a colleague. I have

21:19

worked with some people and I just think, good

21:21

God, it's bad enough when they're clothed.

21:24

They're that annoying. I don't want to see any

21:26

part of their members.

21:27

Like that's that's genuinely

21:30

And that's just working with me. If

21:32

you have got a dilemma

21:35

that you would like solving or not

21:37

solving in this case,

21:39

do please get in touch. Dial a dilemma

21:42

at ladbabypodcast

21:44

at gmail.com. Ooh. We

21:48

are now on to the ever

21:50

growing, ever fantastic, ever awkward.

22:00

Oh,

22:02

what date night have we got tonight?

22:04

Date night diaries. Won't be

22:06

just any night. I'll

22:08

be honest, it's not as bad as last week. We don't

22:11

have to worry about Mars bars. They're still

22:13

safe for another week. What the awful

22:15

thing is, is that I craved a Mars bar all week

22:18

this week. You know what? I

22:21

had people emailing me this week just going, just

22:23

date a Mars bar if that's sick. Generally,

22:27

people message me that. So,

22:31

and I also, while I remember as well,

22:33

last week that story we gave about

22:35

the woman that was eating cheese on

22:37

the side of her bed and somebody walked

22:40

in on the confessions of a housekeeper. I'm

22:42

just going to say it now while I remember. She emailed

22:44

this week and sent a

22:46

photo of herself and her lovely

22:48

husband and she didn't look

22:50

like Gollum. They look like

22:53

a lovely couple. Oh, is that the one in the

22:55

floor? That's the one I was showing you. She was

22:57

beautiful. What the hell? Beautiful woman.

22:59

They're like, she said she was Gollum.

23:01

She wasn't. Beautiful woman and her fella. I

23:04

mean, he was an enormous

23:06

dude. He was a hunk. He was a big hunky

23:08

guy.

23:09

He's a good coworker. You want to see naked.

23:12

So yeah, here we go.

23:15

Date night diaries. I'm excited. This

23:19

date night diary comes all the way from

23:22

Canada. All

23:24

the way from Canada. We've had this in.

23:27

First of all, Mark and Rock's amazing

23:29

podcast. Absolutely adore you both. So

23:32

back in 2018, I drove

23:35

two hours from my hometown to go on

23:37

a date with this woman.

23:39

But I'll be honest, when I got there,

23:42

the date really didn't click. Oh,

23:45

that's a shame. However, at least

23:47

you knew up front. You knew straight away. However,

23:50

since I've traveled so far,

23:52

I figured I'd stick around and

23:53

try and make the most of it.

23:55

Friend zone, fine. You're driven

23:57

two hours. You don't want to turn on and go straight back. No. enjoy

24:00

the day. Have some food and drink, have a nice time.

24:02

So the

24:04

date started and I'll be honest I was a

24:06

bit bored. Oh wow. So I started

24:09

texting another girl that

24:11

I really liked who lived

24:14

about 45 minutes away. I

24:17

then decided it would be a good idea if I

24:19

asked

24:22

the girl I was texting to come

24:24

and join us on

24:26

this date. So she's on a date, this

24:28

is a woman that's on a date, she's driven to

24:31

a date,

24:32

she hasn't got on so now she's invited

24:34

somebody else she fancies to join them on a date.

24:37

So there's going to be three of them. There's now three

24:39

women, right? Why would

24:41

you invite another date to a date?

24:44

Like... It's just

24:46

a disaster. That's like having two exes in the

24:48

room, no thanks. But does the

24:50

first one know that you don't like them? Are they still

24:52

keen on it working? Wow, if she's

24:54

friend-zoned her already, fair enough.

24:56

But I don't think I would have bought the other

24:59

thing to the table because that's

25:01

a 3-way, isn't

25:02

it? So now it cuts

25:04

to me in my truck driving around

25:07

with the first girl I'd gone to meet sitting

25:10

in the back

25:11

with the second girl now riding

25:13

in the front with me.

25:14

Playa!

25:15

Yeah, go on. Playa, I love that.

25:18

I shouldn't love that but I do love that. We decided

25:20

we was going to go to a marina. So they've gone, they've

25:23

continued with the day. They're all in, aren't they? Fair enough

25:25

then. They're having a good time, fine. Right, so

25:27

we've decided to go to a marina. What, for

25:29

dogging or what? You

25:33

wouldn't do that, a marina. You'd do sea lioning, wouldn't

25:35

you?

25:37

We decided to go to sea-going.

25:39

Seagulling. We decided to go to a marina where

25:42

I ended up making out with

25:45

the second girl I'd invited. Oh,

25:46

not the first. Whilst the first

25:48

girl

25:49

stood around 300 yards away

25:52

watching on. Oh.

25:53

This is all getting so awkward.

25:55

It sounds a bit strange now. Anyway, I

25:57

decided we were going to drop the first girl back at her.

26:00

home. Okay. Which

26:02

we all got in the car and let's say it

26:04

was awkward. Yeah, I mean, I could

26:08

have told you this. I could have told you it was gonna get

26:10

awkward when you invited somebody else to a deck and was having

26:12

someone else. Sure you should have just let her go and

26:14

then like. Let the first girl leave. Yeah,

26:17

go to bed now and then go and meet the second girl.

26:20

Yeah. No. No

26:23

words were said between the

26:25

first girl and meeting the second girl in

26:28

the drive. However, dumb 20

26:30

year old may didn't care. I'd

26:32

met the dream girl and she was

26:35

sat next to me in the front of the car giving

26:38

me the eye. So

26:40

she's forgotten. There's a girl in the back now.

26:42

We get to the first girl's house.

26:45

She jumps out and before the truck had

26:47

even stopped moving.

26:49

I was then making out again with the second

26:51

girl. Right.

26:52

So fine.

26:54

Fine. I mean, yeah, you got yourself

26:56

in a pickle there. Love didn't you?

26:58

We've

27:00

all been there where you've, you know, you've

27:02

got two boyfriends on at the go. You

27:04

need to just let that first one go and

27:07

then engage the second one.

27:08

Right. So

27:11

I still ended up having

27:14

my heart broken

27:15

because it turns out

27:17

the second girl was

27:19

in a long, was in a long

27:21

term relationship

27:23

and hadn't told me. Oh

27:25

no, you got played.

27:28

I had two terrible dates in

27:32

one day at the same time. A double

27:35

terrible day. I mean, she's

27:37

bought hello, Karma. That'll teach

27:40

me. Yeah. I'm smarter and

27:42

making much better decisions. Now I'm 33. Oh, so was

27:44

it

27:45

young love?

27:48

This was testing the waters. You know,

27:50

we've all had fun in our twenties. We've

27:53

all done, you know, had the boyfriend

27:55

on the same

27:55

day, on the same night. a

28:00

boy's date. No. But I have been

28:02

on a date and then gone, oh, he was boring and then gone

28:04

on another one the same night. Steve Martin

28:06

So you've had two dates on the same night? Nicky Richardson

28:09

Yeah. Yeah. Back in the day. Yeah. I had two

28:11

boyfriends at one point. How did you have two

28:13

boyfriends? Well, one was really like,

28:15

you know, good for like going out,

28:17

having dinner, having a drink. The other

28:19

one was just really good. Like it was really intelligent.

28:22

Like, do you know what I mean?

28:23

So you were trying to get the best of both worlds? I did.

28:25

Yeah.

28:27

But at that age, you're

28:30

young. Like you should, that's how you

28:32

need to know that love hurts sometimes. That

28:34

it don't always go your way. You're not always

28:36

making the right decisions. Fair

28:38

play to her.

28:40

If I'm honest, I mean, I wouldn't have invited,

28:42

I don't think you should invite one date to another.

28:44

My, yes. I mean, they're not asking for any

28:46

advice, but my advice would

28:48

be don't invite two people to one

28:50

date. That is a recipe for disaster.

28:54

If you have got a date night

28:57

diary you would like to share with us, whether

28:59

it's you on a date, you witnessing the day you

29:01

having a terrible day or the most fantastic

29:03

date in the world. Do get

29:06

in touch at ladbabypodcast

29:08

at gmail.com.

29:11

Confessions

29:15

of a housekeeper.

29:22

Oh, that scream was on point.

29:24

I'm getting ready for Halloween, love. Halloween's

29:27

coming. Well, it's not. It's August. It's

29:29

not, it's summer. It's the middle of summer. This

29:33

one. What? Is

29:36

it bad? I had somebody come up to me

29:38

today this this week when I was in a shop and they went,

29:40

Mark, you've got to

29:42

stop doing the confessions of a housekeeper. I can never

29:44

stay in a hotel ever again. Yeah, it

29:47

is. I've had so many people say they

29:49

ain't using a kettle ever again. Well,

29:52

I'm here to say that, thankfully,

29:54

this is going to make it worse. No.

29:58

What? Come on, tell me. I love

30:00

the dishy dirt on this. I love it. I

30:02

love it. Again. What?

30:05

We've learnt that you can't use a kettle

30:09

in a hotel room.

30:10

This is going to make you not want to use another

30:13

object in a hotel room. Right.

30:15

Hello, Mark and Rox.

30:18

I was a waiter for some years

30:20

and have

30:21

seen and participated

30:24

in a lot of weird stuff. Just

30:27

a... God bless yourself. I'm

30:30

glad you're still with us. From

30:32

being asked to join somebody

30:34

in their bath to throwing

30:37

guests out for being stupid. I've

30:39

seen it all.

30:40

Wow. But what is really fascinating

30:44

is hotel beds and

30:47

what really happens in them.

30:50

Well, how are you seeing that? Sex,

30:53

drugs, etc. is

30:55

of course a daily occurrence. Oh

30:57

my goodness. But what about death?

30:59

Oh my goodness. I never

31:02

even thought of that.

31:03

Oh no, is this sad

31:04

now? Well, one of the housekeepers

31:07

at our hotel found a dead

31:09

man in the hotel bed. Oh gosh. That's

31:11

terrible.

31:11

Normally

31:14

when this happens, you call the police and it's sorted

31:16

out within a couple of hours. Yeah. But

31:19

this took place... but this took a lot longer.

31:22

The man was still married but

31:24

hadn't been with his wife for over 25 years.

31:28

What? But in Germany where

31:30

I live, it's sometimes

31:32

cheaper to stay married than getting

31:35

a divorce.

31:36

So basically the bloke had died

31:38

in a hotel room and his next akin

31:41

was his wife but he hadn't been with

31:43

her for 25 years.

31:45

Oh my... So he had to call his wife. She

31:48

had to drive for four hours to confirm

31:51

it was him and to make funeral

31:53

arrangements.

31:54

She then gave all of his stuff that

31:56

was in the hotel room to the staff

31:59

and left. like nothing had happened. Oh,

32:02

that's weird. Needless to say, the

32:05

next, the very next day,

32:07

someone else was back in that hotel room sleeping

32:10

in the same bed.

32:10

No!

32:13

Oh! Someone was sleeping in the same

32:15

bed less than 25 hours later that a man

32:17

died in. Well, obviously people

32:20

die everywhere, don't they? Yeah. On

32:22

their planes everywhere. Right. So, I'll

32:24

be honest, when I'm in a hotel, I,

32:26

you know, you do...

32:27

I never think about that. Oh, my. Somebody

32:30

might have, you know, had it away in this bed. They might have

32:32

had a bit of fun, fun sexy time in this bed. But

32:35

the sheets have been cleaned. I want some

32:37

fresh linen, right? And that feels okay.

32:39

Oh. I've never thought about the

32:41

fact somebody might have been dead in that

32:43

bed. Oh, God!

32:46

You have just ended all hotel stays

32:48

for me. Okay? Unless it's

32:50

the Savoy or somewhere that you can't afford.

32:52

People die everywhere! I want to go...

32:54

People will die everywhere. I just can't

32:56

even cope. So now,

32:58

when you're on your next little holiday,

33:01

everyone that's listening...

33:02

Mattress toppers. I'm going

33:04

to take a mattress topper and

33:06

a kettle everywhere I go. Okay?

33:09

That's it now. I've had enough.

33:11

I'm getting a roll down mattress topper. Get

33:14

it on prime, love, because I've had enough. Right.

33:17

No more. No more. There's

33:19

a hack for anyone that's feeling sick in their own mouth about travelling.

33:21

So now, do not worry.

33:24

If you would like to travel, you've got to take your own

33:26

kettle and your own

33:29

bed topper. Mattress

33:31

topper. Mattress topper. They do nifty little

33:33

ones now. I've never thought about it though, have you?

33:35

No. I've

33:37

never thought about actually being in a space that someone's

33:39

died. I'll be honest. Like,

33:42

I've seen a dead body. I have seen

33:44

a dead body because I had to identify one. Yeah.

33:47

But it was in a peaceful circumstance. They were late of

33:49

age. You know, someone having

33:52

a heart attack in a bed or something like that, which is a

33:54

terrible thing for a lot of families, but

33:56

you don't think, God, I'm lying where a dead

33:59

person was 20 years ago. 24 hours after. No,

34:01

it feels too soon, doesn't it? Yeah.

34:04

It feels a bit like a cold jump

34:06

in there. At least turn the mattress. You know what I mean? Flip

34:08

the mattress over.

34:09

Well, I hope that I hope the housekeeper flip

34:11

that one of those batteries. I really don't. Oh,

34:14

no, it's a bit scary.

34:16

Yeah, it feels weird, doesn't it? If you

34:18

have got any confessions as a housekeeper,

34:21

any unusual hotel

34:23

experiences or just anything from

34:25

the hospitality industry.

34:26

Did someone die on your watch? Have

34:29

you ever had to change the bed of

34:31

an unusual moment? Do

34:33

please get in touch at Ladbabypodcast.com.

34:40

I'm excited for this next one. Are you? Right.

34:43

I've got a great word. Oh,

34:47

living with a... Salmon

34:49

out! Salmon out! Oh, yeah! I

34:52

didn't die today. Oh! Here

34:56

I am, she ain't dead. She

34:58

ain't dead. She ain't dead yet. You're going

35:00

to chubby more graves, son. Lovely, lovely, jubbly.

35:03

So this is a part of the

35:05

show, ladies and gentlemen, where we teach Roxanna how

35:07

to talk properly. Not condescending

35:09

in any sense. How to say her words,

35:12

how to, you know, just get by with

35:14

proper words. Everyone in the Midlands is so entitled,

35:17

aren't they? You all think we speak right.

35:19

Well, you don't. We speak properly. No,

35:22

you don't. Yes, we do, Roxanna. No,

35:24

you don't. So this week, as you've

35:27

heard, we've done a live version

35:30

of our show. During

35:32

that, we've had to record some videos

35:35

and talk about it on radio stations

35:37

and whatnot.

35:39

And one word that keeps getting used

35:41

relentlessly is a word that Roxanna

35:44

is saying wrong every single time. Oh, here we go. You

35:47

ready? Yes.

35:47

Feels appropriate. Yeah, go on. Pero,

35:50

du, kuh,

35:54

ah, s, t, podcast.

35:56

Podcast. No, we had

35:58

no, aren't it? Podcast. Cast.

36:02

Cast. Cast. Cast. There's

36:05

no R. I'll be honest with you, we had a huge argument

36:07

about this this week. You were advertising the podcast

36:10

wrong. Podcast. Cast. Cast.

36:13

Sorry! There's no R! I

36:16

don't care! It's a sound! C-a-st.

36:19

Cast! Cursed! No! You're

36:23

adding an R! If it was C-A-R-S-T,

36:26

that'd be cast. It's not.

36:29

C-A-R-S-T. Cast. Well,

36:31

I say podcast. No! You're

36:33

saying it wrong! The Live Laugh Love Podcast. Podcast.

36:36

How do you say laugh? Laugh. You're

36:41

saying the whole name of a whole

36:43

show wrong! To a... no, right,

36:46

to a certain audience. Live Laugh Laugh Podcast.

36:50

Thank you. Well done. No!

36:53

It sounds right! We have spoken right. You

36:55

have spoken

36:55

correct for once in your life. Cast. Podcast.

36:58

Podcast. Podcast. Oh,

37:02

it just feels wrong. It makes my face go

37:05

funny. Podcast.

37:08

Podcast.

37:09

Cast. If

37:12

you agree with

37:14

me, please let me know on ladbabypodcast

37:18

at gmail dot com.

37:20

You say

37:22

it so fast when you say cast. Podcast.

37:25

Podcast. Podcast. It's

37:28

going to take some time to breathe and use your, you know,

37:30

language correct.

37:31

No! No! No!

37:34

You're not using your... Your hair's flopping. Your hair's flopping.

37:37

You're not using your phonics, Roxanne! Use your

37:39

phonics! Let's

37:43

move on.

37:45

Name that sound. The hardest

37:48

quiz in the world. Podcast.

37:50

Hey! This

37:54

is where I'm going to play a song, not a

37:56

song, a sound I've found on a popular

37:59

soundboard website.

37:59

and you've got to guess that sound

38:01

I guess last week

38:03

I guessed I think I guess correct

38:05

yeah was it a truck I guess a

38:08

tractor like pulling

38:10

straw barrels okay this was a sound the

38:14

tractor on the farm there's

38:17

the straw barrels slowing down oh

38:20

and there's the sound of a long-distance cow

38:24

I feel like that

38:27

is a tractor or

38:29

some like some large vehicle

38:32

rocks on yeah it was not a

38:36

tractor is it a large vehicle yes

38:39

or is it a lorry hgv no

38:41

no we two

38:44

people got this right that I saw this week

38:46

I guess training fuse

38:48

yes is it a train no but two

38:51

people on my emails got this correct it

38:53

isn't an airplane somebody gets an airplane

38:56

somebody gets a motorbike it's not that either what

38:58

is it this is the sound

39:00

of a tank it's

39:05

the sound of a tank that sounds

39:07

like that easy

39:11

when you know easy when you know

39:14

that does sound like a tank it does watched a

39:16

lot of films about war

39:18

sounds like a tank I'd like

39:20

to give a special applause to the website

39:23

I use

39:26

will you be more successful with this week I think

39:29

this is hard

39:31

Oh unlike you to choose

39:33

the hardest one you ready go on that

39:46

sounds like a snake and a lion fight snake

39:50

trying to fight a lion or a tiger

39:52

it

39:52

is one animal I

40:04

wish you could all see Roxas face right now.

40:06

Is it a hippo? She is so

40:08

confused. It's got like a snake

40:10

like hissing sound but then it sounds like

40:13

it sounds like a hippo to me like. The

40:16

hippos hiss? Oh that's a heckle. That's

40:18

like a hyena. Hyena. Well they laugh

40:20

don't they? Python? You've got to give me a hint.

40:22

You've got to write it down. It is an animal of course. I'll

40:24

go an angry hyena. Write it down Roxanne. I will

40:27

thank you. I'm going to give it to you all

40:27

one more time. Is that a horse? Is that an owl? Owl?

40:31

Is that an owl? Owl. Owl.

40:34

Owl. Owl. Owl. Owl.

40:38

Owl. Owl. Owl.

40:41

Owl. Owl. Owl.

40:44

Owl. Owl. Owl.

40:48

Owl. Owl. Owl.

40:50

Owl. Is that an owl? Is that an

40:52

owl? Is that an owl? Is that an

40:54

owl? Is that an owl? I don't think

40:56

that's a hyena. Oh she is really stumped this week. I'm

40:59

going to be annoyed if I don't get it though because it's,

41:01

is it a tiger? Just a classic tiger. I'm

41:03

going tiger. A classic tiger? Tiger.

41:07

I've backtracked. I'm not going hyena. I'm going

41:09

a classic. Show me your paper so I can see. A tiger in

41:11

distress. Show me your paper so I can see. You're not going to cheat

41:13

next week. Tiger. Tiger in distress.

41:15

Tiger in distress.

41:16

Okay.

41:17

You've got a week everyone to find out

41:20

what you think that is. Ladbabypodcasts.gmail.com.

41:23

I saw two people that got the passing tank

41:25

last week.

41:26

Well done. Will anyone get

41:28

this one? Right. That's it. We're

41:31

done. Another week over. They go so quick.

41:34

They do go quick. But that's, you know, they say

41:36

you have fun when you're, no,

41:38

what do they say? What

41:41

do they say Roxanne? What do they say?

41:45

Ironically a show that's named after a quote.

41:48

I don't remember quite. What

41:50

do they say Roxanne? Time

41:52

passes when you're having fun.

41:54

What is it? Time flies.

41:56

Oh no. Oh no. It's

41:59

done. It's done. Time passes when you're having

42:01

a bit of a good time. Guys,

42:04

thank you very much for joining us.

42:06

Don't forget to follow and we will

42:09

see you all next week.

42:10

Love you all. Dance

42:12

it off now people. Come

42:15

on. Yes, it is going to be the

42:17

full version.

42:31

I'm living for the weekend. Just

42:37

to let down my head. It's

42:42

time to spend the laughter. The

42:45

good times are here. Oh

42:48

yeah. What

42:51

I need is a dance floor. Easy

42:54

for wear. I really

42:57

need a high guy. A

43:01

high guy that wants to

43:03

be there. It's been

43:06

so long since I've lived

43:08

my life. Oh yeah. This

43:14

dream is finally mine. And

43:16

I hope you take my hand. So

43:21

baby come and join me. You

43:26

got to live, love, love. Cause

43:29

life ain't so easy today.

43:32

Oh I. You got to live,

43:34

love, love. Love

43:39

me, love me baby. You

43:42

got to listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, yeah.

43:47

I'm way too old to go to a beach. But

43:51

we don't care. Love

43:55

me, love me, love me baby. Listen

43:58

to me. Come

44:01

and listen to me, come and join me You

44:05

got to live, live love Cause

44:10

life ain't so easy today, oh I You

44:13

got to live, live love

44:30

You got

44:32

to

44:32

live, live love