0:00

Hello and welcome back. Hi,

0:02

I'm Mark. I'm Rox. And this is

0:04

our podcast. Live, Laugh, Love the

0:06

podcast.

0:09

Here we go. Hold on tight everyone.

0:11

It's the last week before school. What

0:22

have you got

0:24

to do Rox? You've got to live,

0:26

laugh, love. Oh yes. I'll

0:29

tell you what, when those kids go back next week,

0:32

I'll be live, laugh, loving and lounging.

0:34

I'll be laughing while laying flat,

0:37

my friend. I literally just said

0:39

to you, when they go back to school next week,

0:42

I'm taking one day to just lay

0:44

horizontal. Okay?

0:47

Absolutely. Hello everyone. Welcome

0:49

back to our podcast. Thank

0:51

you for choosing to come and listen to us once

0:54

again. We've got all your favourite features coming

0:56

up. Dial a Dilemma, Date Night Diaries, Confessions

0:59

of a Housekeeper, Living with a Southerner,

1:01

One Line Wonders and Name That Sound. There's loads

1:03

of features.

1:04

We're all about the features,

1:07

my friend. Looks like we know what we're doing these days.

1:10

So much so, you better have

1:12

all voted for us in

1:15

the Listener's Choice Award at the British

1:17

Podcast Awards. Guys, this is your last chance.

1:19

I do believe Mark, this is the last week,

1:21

isn't it? It's the last week

1:22

for you to vote. This is the last chance everyone. This is the last

1:24

episode that will go out where everyone gets the chance to vote.

1:26

So if you haven't, please go and do it.

1:29

The link is in the description of the podcast

1:31

and you have to verify the email.

1:33

And we would appreciate it greatly because

1:36

we want to carry on doing this. So we won't

1:38

go on this time, though, because we've got to get

1:41

straight into making you live,

1:43

laugh and love, hopefully

1:45

today.

1:47

Well, I'll tell you what, we have had a lot of emails off

1:49

of the back of last week's episode of

1:51

people sending in things that they collect. So

1:54

obviously we talked about my collection of coins last

1:56

week and my Pokemon card,

1:59

you know.

1:59

That's been an ongoing conversation

2:02

now. Well, I've been in Bortas and Pokemon cards this week.

2:05

I'm feeling like I'm starting my

2:07

new collection. He's

2:08

reignited his

2:10

passion for collecting cards and coins.

2:14

I'll be honest, you've been jolly

2:16

this week. Isn't it lovely to see you, Appy,

2:18

again?

2:19

Thank you very much. Chasing that Charizard

2:21

through town. Oh, yes. I'll be honest,

2:23

I sort of know the lingo now. So I'm trying

2:26

my hardest. I still don't really care, to be

2:28

honest, but you know.

2:29

We've also had a few

2:31

people sending things that they collect. Photos. I've

2:33

had a lovely photo of someone that collects vinyl records.

2:35

Ooh. Your dad loves a bit of a vinyl

2:37

record, don't he?

2:38

What? What? Microphone checkup? That's

2:41

not actually. That's a DJ, isn't it? I

2:46

was trying to do a scratchy DJ sound,

2:48

but it turns out I'm all full of that.

2:50

Yep. So that one

2:52

is a no-go. We have

2:55

also had somebody sending a photo of their shot

2:57

glass collection.

2:58

Ooh. Good. That's a good

3:01

thing. She collects shot glasses. I know a few

3:03

people who, like, when they go to a different country,

3:05

they buy a shot glass. I like that.

3:07

That's a cute little collection. The small to keep

3:09

as well. Yeah, I think

3:11

that's a good one. Yeah. So thank you very

3:13

much for everyone sending in. I've had lots of emails about

3:15

things you collect. So thank you so much for letting us know. But

3:18

yes, as we talked about at the start of

3:20

today's episode,

3:22

the kids go back to school. Back to

3:24

school. I feel like. I don't

3:26

know if they've gone back in America sooner

3:28

or where you are in the country. I don't know. But our kids

3:31

go back. Our kids go back next week. Yeah.

3:33

And I'll be honest with you. It is the week

3:35

where I feel like I'm I love my

3:38

children to absolutely utmost.

3:40

But I feel like I'm crawling to

3:42

the end. Yeah. Yeah. I'm crawling to the

3:44

finish line of 24 hour parenting. It's

3:48

I mean,

3:48

it was nearly there. Yeah, nearly there.

3:51

Oh, I just want I want all the parents in

3:53

the playground to do like that Hunger Games thing where you'll

3:55

see your hand in the air. Just like

3:57

that moment where you stood there going, we

3:59

made it.

3:59

We made it through another summer. Did

4:02

we? Blimey. I

4:05

mean, I'm tired. I can't feel my

4:07

neck, my lower back. I'm

4:09

just trying to do child things and I'm

4:12

a bit older now, aren't I? The thing

4:14

that I really struggle with, though, I'll be honest,

4:16

is I'm trying to...

4:18

I'm trying to make the kids excited

4:20

to go back to school. I keep talking to them both, being

4:22

like, hi, school in a week, and try and

4:24

be all positive about it, where I'll

4:27

be honest,

4:28

I hated school. I

4:31

absolutely hated school.

4:33

Ditto. I never

4:35

got on with it. And I feel really bad, because I'm

4:38

trying to encourage, oh, it'd be really cool, oh,

4:40

what are you going to learn this year? And you're going

4:42

up another year.

4:43

Can I see your friends? Oh, you know, it's

4:45

going to be really good. Yeah, I'm

4:48

lying. Why did you hate school? So

4:53

you know what? Primary school, I loved.

4:56

My memories of primary school was amazing. The

4:58

teachers were great. The school was amazing.

5:02

They were the ones that helped me find

5:04

out I was dyslexic. They were the ones that first

5:06

identified my dyslexia. The teachers

5:09

there were amazing. I've got nothing but good

5:11

things to say about primary school.

5:13

It was secondary school. Secondary school

5:15

for me, I absolutely

5:17

detested. Did you? Was you

5:19

bullied? Why did you hate

5:21

it? It was just not academic? Because I wasn't,

5:24

but...

5:25

You know what? Yeah. I'm

5:28

not academic. Not

5:30

in a traditional sense. You are clever.

5:32

You're a very clever boy. Yeah, I mean,

5:34

I think everyone's clever at certain things. Everyone's

5:37

good at something in life, and it depends what it is, but academically,

5:39

I struggled. But it wasn't just that. I never

5:41

really felt like I fit at school. Not

5:44

at secondary school. I

5:46

don't know why. I mean, I was quite...

5:48

The thing that surprises, I think, of most people

5:51

when I say this, I was quite timid at school. Was

5:53

you? I wasn't as tall

5:55

as I am today. Obviously, I'm six foot eight. Obviously, I was a child.

5:58

But I wasn't even the tallest in my class.

5:59

I was kind of like average height

6:02

and I was a bit, you know, I had a bit of weight.

6:05

I wasn't, I wasn't big, but I'd have

6:07

like, what you used to call puppy fat.

6:09

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, I wasn't

6:11

at that age, like teenage, like going from a boy

6:13

to probably a teenager, right? Everyone

6:16

has that your hormones all going crazy and stuff.

6:19

But I struggled terribly because I was timid

6:22

because of, I think, because I was carrying

6:24

a little bit of weight. And

6:27

we, we was poorer than

6:29

the other children. I was poorer

6:32

than the other kids in my class. Really? What

6:35

do you mean? Why was you not from the, like?

6:39

Most of the kids that went to my school lived on like the brand

6:41

new estate and all

6:43

their parents drove expensive

6:45

cars and they all had big houses

6:48

where the street, which I grew up

6:51

on was absolutely beautiful and

6:53

lovely, but

6:54

there was no one else on my street

6:57

that went to my school.

6:58

Right. So I wasn't with any of my friends. And so

7:00

I

7:01

don't know how much of a fact that had, but I

7:03

feel like it did. And I got, I got terribly

7:05

bullied at school. Did you? Absolutely

7:08

terribly bullied. Yeah.

7:10

What? Like, but

7:12

a bad, it must

7:14

be hard for boys though. But

7:17

I, at secondary school, I went to like

7:19

an all girls school, right? And

7:22

it was fiery, but

7:23

I was quiet. I kept my head down. I

7:26

just, I was very timid. I

7:28

didn't say much. I didn't do much. I was dyslexic

7:31

as well.

7:32

So I mean, the bully and I used to get for

7:34

being thick was bad.

7:36

But you're not thick. But I was, I

7:38

was in fairly low classes for most

7:40

things. Right. And I was

7:43

dyslexic. Yeah. At school, I hid that

7:45

I was dyslexic.

7:46

The extra time in exams,

7:48

the support you would get, the extra like classes

7:50

you could go to, I turned it all down and struggled

7:54

because of the embarrassment

7:57

of all the other children knowing because

7:59

they used to just call me. thick.

8:00

And I was just like, I'm not thick. I'm the thing. And they

8:03

were like, Oh, you're not thick. Why do you go to special

8:05

classes? I don't, I don't. So I turned it all

8:07

down. Oh, no. And just tried to like revise

8:10

at home. Right. And do it all at

8:12

home. So I didn't have to go to them classes.

8:15

And I never really made any friends at school.

8:19

And yeah, I mean, I

8:21

remember when I when we used to do PE. Yeah.

8:26

I mean, when I used to take my top

8:28

off

8:29

to get changed into my PE kit,

8:31

the other kids had a game where

8:34

they would see how hard they could slap

8:36

me. Are you

8:38

joking? And it was like a game

8:40

who could get like the reddest handprint on me. Oh,

8:43

my God. No.

8:45

And I was too frightened to like,

8:48

I was quite timid. I didn't I was too frightened to

8:50

fight back. And I used to pretend it didn't hurt.

8:53

Oh, oh, Mark.

8:56

That's really sad. Yeah. Really? You're

8:58

not you're I'll be honest with you.

9:00

You I mean, the whole time I've known

9:02

you, you've never you've,

9:03

you know, yeah, I struggle

9:05

with friends at school. I remember it like at

9:08

play times and lunch times and stuff. I just used

9:10

to it was quite a big like campus. So

9:13

I just used to like walk around the whole campus on my own.

9:15

I always pretend I was going somewhere like there was

9:18

like, oh, I got my arms, I got to go and see a teacher.

9:20

And I wouldn't I was just doing like laps of the grounds. Oh,

9:23

my God. Yeah, I didn't really

9:25

have friends. But but do you know

9:27

what I think? I think the thing is back then

9:30

dyslexia was like,

9:33

you're

9:33

it's a thick you're thick, like, because

9:35

I was told as thick, but but you're

9:38

not you're creatively learning

9:40

a different way. You

9:41

see worlds differently. Yeah, you do. It's

9:43

an actual gift. I always say this to all the kids

9:45

that come to like when we have book signings

9:47

or, you know, I always say to them, you

9:49

don't have a disability. You've got an ability,

9:52

you have the ability to see something

9:54

better. You have the ability to like, learn

9:57

or create like most of the most

9:59

creative people.

9:59

in the world are

10:01

dyslexic or

10:03

have very successful businesses or create

10:06

movies and things like that. It's

10:08

so hard because I feel like your dyslexic

10:10

journey was totally different to what mine

10:13

was but it

10:15

sounds like you've really struggled with that.

10:17

I mean, yeah,

10:19

at secondary school it was bad. I

10:22

think that's what's so good about schools or most

10:24

of the schools that I've dealt with in today's

10:27

world how far they've come but differences in

10:29

any sense back then were just really picked

10:32

on. I was picked on because I had a bit of

10:34

weight. I was called fat. Yeah, but bullying

10:37

for any different. I was called thick because I wasn't in top

10:39

classes. I remember non-uniform

10:41

days were like, I feared

10:44

more than anything non-uniform days because

10:46

everyone would have new trainers and I didn't.

10:49

And everyone would be like, why are

10:51

you wearing them?

10:52

And it was, it was, I used to dread it.

10:55

I used to go in my uniform and pretend I forgot

10:58

because it was easier than trying to go in my own

11:00

clothes. Oh my goodness. It

11:02

was absolutely dreadful. And

11:04

I don't speak to anyone from school. I've never

11:06

kept in contact with anyone.

11:08

I didn't know it was that that hardcore

11:11

for you. Yeah, I struggled. I never knew

11:13

that. I knew, you know, I know the dyslexic journeys

11:16

are really hard and I meet a lot of people

11:18

who struggle just to parent a child with

11:20

dyslexia or even if you've got dyslexia

11:23

and your children have it, learning

11:25

is incredibly hard, but I didn't know

11:27

it was like that intense.

11:29

Yeah. You know what? I

11:31

had amazing, amazing like support network outside of school, like

11:33

family and that, but just

11:35

school was, was not good. And

11:38

I left, I didn't do sixth form. I remember

11:40

getting bullied because I

11:42

wasn't staying on because everyone else in my

11:44

class was staying on to do sixth form. And

11:47

I left to go to college and the college

11:49

I went to was like in

11:52

the middle of a, well, like

11:54

a councilor state area. Like it wasn't

11:56

an affluent area where the college

11:58

was I was going to.

12:00

I got bullied because of that because I was

12:02

going to a college

12:04

in like a you know, not the best

12:06

area so Was

12:08

it a good honest

12:10

the two years I spent in college with the best two years of

12:13

Education I'd anywhere

12:15

really because I got there and everyone

12:18

Was equal

12:19

yeah, everyone was like on a level It didn't

12:21

matter that you didn't have the latest trainers

12:23

or how much money you was didn't matter your background

12:26

Everyone just treated you on a level and I

12:28

would say college was kind of

12:30

The place where

12:32

it made me who I am today if that makes

12:34

sense.

12:34

Yeah Yeah I

12:37

feel like I feel like it's hard

12:39

isn't it in this day and age as well with like

12:42

kids going in in train like trainers

12:44

going in in the latest kit your mum and dad's

12:46

got this car or whatever like It's

12:48

so sad that that still is if

12:51

you're if you're sending your kid into school next week

12:54

Maybe have a conversation with them and say

12:56

look don't judge people because of what they've got

12:58

on their feet

12:59

Though now I think

13:01

schools have come such a long way in sort

13:03

of helping navigate that

13:05

yeah

13:07

But college was amazing for me. I just I met

13:09

people that was real and

13:12

It was amazing, but then I went to university

13:14

and it was like going back to school for me I because

13:16

I

13:17

remember being in uni and

13:19

it became a big deal that I was the only

13:22

One of I think there's me and one other person

13:24

on the whole course that went to state school

13:26

Everyone else went to private school at my uni. Oh,

13:28

right And everyone it was like a big deal

13:31

that I was like they're like you went to state

13:33

school and I was like Yeah, what's

13:35

that? He didn't go to private schools like

13:38

I didn't know the difference. I was like

13:40

I went to school. Yeah And

13:43

I struggled academically terribly at

13:45

university flight with dyslexia You don't

13:48

struggle enough like it's hard enough to

13:50

like get into school get into like well

13:53

Yeah, cuz obviously I went to do like graphic design

13:55

and I did really well to get in because creatively

13:57

I was you know I was

13:59

good at that the academic side of

14:01

university I really struggled with. The tutors

14:04

of the university didn't

14:07

really like me. I struggled to get on with

14:09

them. They were privately school educated.

14:11

Everyone was like private and I was like,

14:13

oh my goodness I

14:15

did not know that this was that intense

14:17

for you. Yeah. And that's really sad

14:19

because...

14:20

And that's why I struggled now with the kids to go like,

14:23

oh school's gonna be amazing and their school is amazing

14:26

and they actually both love going to school. Yeah. It's

14:28

just my own internal guilt. Yeah. Because

14:30

I can't relate to... I mean I can

14:32

at primary school. Primary school is amazing but

14:35

it just got tainted by so many years of terrible

14:37

school after.

14:38

But Mark, what now I would

14:40

say

14:41

is you have gone on to create

14:44

some incredible

14:46

things visually. I mean it explains

14:48

like visually you create videos, you create

14:51

ideas, you're the most intelligent...

14:53

well I think you're the most intelligent person

14:56

I know and that's why I married you. But

14:59

I genuinely genuinely feel

15:01

like without that hardship you wouldn't have be

15:03

like,

15:04

you wouldn't have that baby now. We

15:06

wouldn't have put this all together and

15:09

created, I don't

15:10

know, like such a lovely entertainment

15:13

thing that we enjoy doing that. You

15:15

were able to now take your kids to school

15:17

like every day. Yeah. Because of what

15:20

happened, we take the children to

15:22

school and we pick them up.

15:23

And you know what, it's really weird. It gave me like

15:25

a fire in my belly to prove everyone wrong.

15:28

Yeah. It gave me like, when I was being

15:30

bullied for being thick I was like, I'm gonna

15:32

show you.

15:33

I remember that early on. You never let

15:35

anyone like, you never got

15:37

to, like you never let anyone like

15:40

tear you down. You just always was like,

15:42

no.

15:43

I don't know. Like if, like I remember

15:46

a kid hit me in a maths class once. He punched

15:48

me in a maths class. What?

15:51

I don't know why. I'm like, I

15:54

remember, I remember I got head buttered in history

15:56

once. Mark, what? I

15:58

got head buttered in a history lesson. when the teacher went to toilet.

16:00

Did you not tell anyone? No, because if I did,

16:02

I'd get worse. Oh,

16:07

that's really harrowing, like

16:09

really sad. I

16:12

never knew that. But

16:15

it shocked me. It,

16:17

I didn't let it bother me in a sense of

16:19

like, I was just like,

16:21

I'm going to prove everyone wrong. I'm going

16:23

to prove these people wrong. I

16:26

always have like an old head on me. And I was always just like, I'm

16:28

only going to be at this school for five years. You

16:31

do have an old head on you. And

16:34

that's why, you know what? And that's why I've always had so much fire

16:36

in my belly with everything we've done with Lad Baby. Because I'm

16:38

like, I really want to achieve things. I don't want to,

16:40

I want to make a difference. I want to make people laugh. I want to make people

16:43

smile.

16:43

And people still tear you down. People

16:46

will still always come at you. They'll

16:48

always be. But that's why I like doing Lad Baby, because it makes people

16:51

smile. Yeah. And when the kids

16:53

come up. Yeah, no,

16:55

don't get upset. That's why

16:57

I like it. I know

16:59

what it's like when- We've

17:01

met a few kids that have been bullied. Yeah,

17:03

we meet kids at book signings and they come through and they

17:05

say they've been bullied. Yeah, or they

17:08

have dyslexia

17:09

and they've been told they can't do something. Or

17:12

even they just, because of the way they look. Or,

17:14

you know, like

17:15

just- And that's why when they talk to me about videos, I'm

17:17

like, amazing. Amazing that these kids watch the videos. Yeah.

17:20

And that's why I've always got in my mind that kids

17:22

watch our videos so that they're safe

17:24

for kids to watch. Yeah.

17:27

You shouldn't judge people for what you

17:29

always- Do you know what I mean? I feel like

17:32

if there's anything in life right now, like

17:34

if you're going back to school, if your kids are going

17:36

back to school, you've got anxiety about

17:39

whatever, like, Mark is proof

17:41

as I am, that

17:44

you can do the utmost best

17:46

in life with whatever ability you have. You can achieve amazing

17:49

things. You gotta find what you're good at in life. Find

17:51

it and then go hell for level with

17:53

it. That's what my opinion is. Everyone's good at

17:56

things. Yeah. I might not be academically.

17:59

Do you know what I mean? But like I

18:01

said. I didn't do well in any GCSEs, I

18:03

scraped by at uni. But

18:05

when I got into the real world and I started going

18:07

to a, I got myself a job and

18:10

I just went hell for leather with everything I went

18:12

for and I did.

18:13

My sister, a week

18:16

before all of my exams,

18:18

sat me down and basically put

18:20

me in a subject bootcamp and went,

18:22

she had the ability, she was so intelligent, she

18:24

had the ability to remember everything. She

18:27

basically offloaded what

18:29

was in her brain into mine, made

18:31

me remember it so that I could

18:33

at least just pass my exams to leave

18:35

my school. And I will forever

18:38

be grateful for that because she

18:41

basically helped me pass all my exams.

18:43

And that was me. The only reason

18:45

I got grades was because of my mom and dad. Like

18:48

outside of school them helping me revise and

18:50

learn and the effort they put in because

18:53

without that I would have struggled even more. So

18:56

outside of school, it was great, but

18:58

it was just the school life.

19:00

School life is something

19:03

you have to learn. I feel like- I

19:06

really can't relate. You know when you meet people and they go, ah school,

19:08

best years of your life. Yeah, reminisce. I hear that's

19:10

some best years of your life. I hear it all the

19:12

time. And I'm like, it wasn't

19:14

for me. No,

19:15

starting a job was the best, in my

19:17

20s, well, 18 onwards

19:20

after uni,

19:21

starting my job was the best

19:23

thing that ever happened to me. Because

19:26

I learned literally more than

19:28

I learned anything. You do, I do

19:30

feel like you should go to school. You should definitely, when people

19:32

go, don't want to do this, don't worry. But when

19:34

I went to work, practically things

19:37

to get by in life, like I learned how to do

19:39

a presentation, I learned how to like

19:41

be with people like business. Social skills and

19:43

yeah. Yeah, like

19:45

I went straight to London, straight to work. And

19:48

I, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

19:50

I understood the world for the first time.

19:52

Yeah. I mean, you had to go

19:54

through a few jobs before you got there though. Yeah.

19:57

All right. We knock. All

19:59

right. I couldn't have done a job in my scenes.

20:02

I wasn't a part-timer, that's the thing. I'm

20:04

always- You're a full-time or nothing. I'm a full-time,

20:07

I'm full-time or nothing. Go

20:09

home to go home. That was literally

20:12

my motto and I did. I went home.

20:14

I went home. No, I didn't. You got

20:16

sent home a lot. No, you and I went home, but no, basically

20:19

in my 20s. I went hard, I worked hours

20:21

and hours. Yeah. I mean, I

20:23

agree, work life, I mean, was so much better. I

20:25

mean,

20:27

working at Asda, I always say, it was like the

20:29

best years of my life. That's where I made most

20:31

of my friends that I still have

20:33

today. The years I worked at Asda,

20:36

I'm still closest with them than what I am with anyone

20:38

from school, uni, college, whatever,

20:40

people in the work

20:42

life is who I made closest friends

20:44

with. I was an art director and I basically

20:48

learned on the job and I got really

20:50

good at it, but I worked and I just

20:52

worked my butt off for years

20:55

and years and years and years and then I met you.

20:57

It was just one of the best

20:59

memories of my life and I honestly

21:01

traveled with it and

21:04

I partied so hard

21:06

as well. I used to

21:08

just go out and come back in now

21:10

and go straight to work. What the?

21:13

I don't even know. That's what prepared us for being parents, buddy. Yeah,

21:16

that's all that was. Do you know

21:18

what? You're right. That taught

21:20

me how to stay up all night with kids.

21:22

Well, guys, if your kids

21:25

are going to school this week, send them

21:27

all the love and wishes from

21:29

me and Rox and we'd love to hear

21:32

what you guys had experiences

21:34

from school. Did you enjoy school? Did you not?

21:37

For you, was it the best years of your life or did

21:39

you hate it? Yeah.

21:41

I feel like a lot of people hate it, but

21:43

they're just the core in this best years of your

21:45

life. Everyone just.

21:46

Reminisces. I don't,

21:48

I just don't reminisce. I'm

21:50

just glad that I did it.

21:53

I got through it

21:54

and that was it.

21:55

Never having to do PE again is the

21:58

best thing about being. an adult. Now

22:01

we just have to go to the gym. Yeah.

22:04

I mean, I can go to the gym now, but I mean, have

22:07

you ever been forced to play rugby?

22:10

Being forced to play rugby at PE

22:13

is the most terrifying thing in the

22:15

entire world.

22:16

I've got netball and hockey. Mate,

22:18

being hit with them hockey sticks. Yeah, but

22:21

if you're being bullied and then you've got to play rugby,

22:25

it's just like an excuse for all the

22:27

kids to take you down.

22:28

Did they do that? Yeah. Oh no,

22:30

don't tell me things like that.

22:32

Honestly, rugby for me was like hot potato.

22:34

I used to throw it to me. I just used

22:36

to throw it straight away. I knew

22:39

that throwing it forward was a foul, so I used to throw it forward

22:41

every time. And

22:43

everyone would have a go at me and then they wouldn't pass to me

22:45

and that was ideal. Because then

22:46

you didn't get beaten up. Because then they couldn't

22:49

take me out. So they used to throw the ball to me and I'd

22:51

throw it forward and they'd go, why'd you, like, oh, I forgot, sorry.

22:54

And so then I just used to run backwards and forwards

22:57

for the whole lesson,

22:59

just so not having the ball, so

23:01

I didn't get taken down. I wish

23:03

I had gone to your school because I feel like

23:05

I would have, you know, I would have beaten

23:07

up a few children for you. I

23:09

wouldn't have beaten them up, but you know what I mean.

23:11

I'd take the best day of my life at school.

23:13

The best day of my life. It's been snowing,

23:16

right? The whole field was full of snow.

23:19

And

23:21

I went out and I built, I got this snowball

23:23

and you know, you hold a snowball for ages and you really go

23:26

tight and really tight and it turns into

23:28

like a lump of ice. Yeah. I'd

23:30

done that for what felt like the whole

23:32

break, right?

23:34

And then everyone was in the field. It was like, you

23:36

know, carnage, everyone was throwing snowballs.

23:38

Obviously, snow day. Biggest, like,

23:40

bully. I've got

23:43

a good aim. You went

23:45

in. I went in across the field. You iced

23:47

him. Launched it back of his head. Mate,

23:51

he swung round so quick. Didn't

23:54

know who it was. I got away with it. Got

23:57

away with it. Honestly. Oh, yeah. I

24:00

was so happy. That was like the most outrageous

24:02

thing I ever did at school. And he was like

24:04

hunting for like, who did it asking

24:06

everyone? Like never got me for it.

24:08

There was a six foot girl at

24:10

our school, right? She was six

24:13

foot tall and she

24:15

was honestly the strongest

24:17

woman I've ever met. And I

24:20

want, she was an absolute

24:22

rebel too. So if she kicked

24:25

off,

24:26

It's all going down. It was a carnage. I

24:28

once watched her. We had

24:30

like this music, like

24:32

this music class, right? But it was in

24:34

one of those outdoor, like,

24:37

you know, like mobile

24:39

home, you know, like when you have a school and

24:42

it has like an outdoor bit. Right. It

24:44

was outdoors, right? So we went in,

24:46

went into this little like, it's not like a show.

24:48

It was like a music hut. Yeah, yeah, not you mean? Yeah,

24:51

yeah. Anyway, the teacher, she

24:53

was,

24:54

she had been brought in as like one of them

24:56

supply teacher. Right.

24:59

This six foot girl decided

25:02

she didn't like her. Right. Straight

25:04

away. The teacher went sit down

25:06

please. And she went, no,

25:08

she took off her shoe, the

25:10

six foot girl and threw it at the

25:12

teacher's head. Can

25:15

you imagine? Can you

25:17

imagine the teacher supply teacher

25:19

was like, I've just been hit in the head by

25:21

a kickers. You know the kickers show?

25:23

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And got a big sell on

25:26

it. Yeah, yeah. Honestly,

25:28

Mark, I've never witnessed such

25:31

carnage. Honestly,

25:35

she was a nightmare this girl.

25:36

What a ledge. I was so scared

25:39

of her. She was like, dumb at my height. I mean, I sound scared

25:41

of the situation. Just being in the room would have scared me at

25:43

that age. She was like your height, but your width

25:45

too. She was. Incredible. Incredibly

25:48

scary. And the teachers would be like,

25:50

okay, whatever you wish. Like she's, whatever

25:52

she said. She just got what she wants. Oh.

25:55

Well guys. Anyway, we

25:57

hope you have a great week at the school. If you're

25:59

a.

25:59

six-foot woman that

26:02

went to Rox's school and you want to throw a shoe

26:04

at someone's head. I'm not going to say the name. No, but

26:06

if she's listening and you know it's you, then

26:09

do let us know right in. Tell

26:11

us about your experience, whether it's your left shoe

26:13

or your right shoe.

26:14

I've spent a long time trying to forget

26:16

that moment in my life. Ladbabypodcast

26:18

at gmail.com. Right, you ready for the first feature,

26:21

Rox? I'm ready.

26:23

Do you have a dilemma? Do you

26:26

need some help with a problem? Dial!

26:30

A dilemma! Oh,

26:32

I've got a good one today. I'm excited.

26:34

Hi Mark and Rox. Firstly, I want to say thank

26:36

you for all that you do and I love the podcast.

26:39

It's been a great source

26:41

of comfort for me and keeps me laughing.

26:44

Lovely. My husband is in the military

26:47

and he is on his first deployment. Legend.

26:49

He's left when, he left when our daughter

26:51

was eight months old and will be away until she's 17

26:54

months old. Wow. He

26:56

has been feeling left out because

26:59

he's missing all of her milestones.

27:01

He's a wonderful father and I want him to feel

27:03

more involved. We FaceTimed

27:06

when we,

27:07

we FaceTime when we can, but with

27:09

the different time zones, it can be challenging.

27:12

I'd love some advice that you have. Thank

27:14

you so much, Emily. Oh!

27:17

Emily, this is a tough one because that

27:19

age is full of milestones,

27:21

isn't it? Yeah. It

27:24

took me back, Mark, to when you were working

27:26

and do you remember our eldest,

27:29

you basically-

27:30

I wasn't on deployment, but I was working

27:32

in London so it felt like it.

27:34

Well, you'd leave like 5am

27:36

and then you'd get home probably 15 minutes

27:39

before Phoenix went to bed. And

27:42

you would miss, well, you missed a lot

27:43

of Phoenix's growing up because you

27:46

had quite a few jobs. So I

27:48

used to, the one thing I would say,

27:50

Emily, is film everything, record everything.

27:53

I was

27:53

going to say exactly the same thing. WhatsApp is

27:55

your favourite friend. Send, I

27:58

mean, I always like film.

28:00

just him walking or eating

28:03

or whatever, even if there was no talking

28:05

in it, and nothing, I would just send it to you.

28:07

Yeah, when Phoenix was tiny and I was working

28:10

long hours, Rox would send me like little,

28:12

just 10 second videos all day

28:15

of like, Phoenix just taking

28:17

a mouthful of strawberry or trying

28:20

to walk or throwing a car. Playing

28:22

with a Buzz Lightyear, like there wasn't really much

28:25

in it, but it used to just lift you. So

28:27

me nappies that was like explosive,

28:31

and go, oh, he's still missing us, and then send his

28:33

nappies and things like that. I think the

28:36

one thing that's amazing about mobile phones is

28:38

that everyone's got a camcorder in their hand now. So

28:41

just record everything.

28:43

And I'd also say things that I

28:45

loved was, I

28:48

think it's like, this is not a plug, but you can

28:50

buy them bears, but build a bear

28:52

or whatever, where you can put a

28:54

voice in, and then you click the hand

28:57

and it goes, hello, like it will

28:59

say their voice. I always had,

29:01

like Mark did a bear

29:04

of himself, and he had a little voice

29:06

in it, and the boys loved

29:08

it. And it was just something that a baby

29:10

would probably take to,

29:12

if, you know, teddy bears are cuddly and stuff,

29:14

and just give him that comfort.

29:16

I tell you what you can do,

29:18

what you can do, I think this would be a really cool idea, is set

29:20

up a YouTube account. This isn't

29:22

a joke. Set up a YouTube account,

29:24

but set it to private,

29:26

okay? And Emily can

29:29

log in, and she can give her fellow

29:31

the login as well. And the account's

29:33

set as private, and all the videos will be private. Oh,

29:36

so no one else can see it? So no one else can see it if you don't

29:38

want them to, but

29:39

just upload videos

29:41

all day into this YouTube account. That's

29:43

a nice idea. And then when he has the time, he

29:45

can just

29:46

log in and watch them. Yeah. And

29:49

then he could also upload videos, maybe of himself

29:52

saying hello, or doing whatever he's doing. He could upload

29:54

them, and then you can then play them back

29:56

on your tele. Of course. To

29:59

the baby. That's a great idea. Then the baby will get to

30:01

see

30:02

their dad and get used to seeing

30:04

him and hearing his voice. And

30:05

it'll be in the living room with you. And it'll be in the living

30:08

room, yeah. And get him

30:10

like reading a bedtime story or reading a nursery

30:12

rhyme. Yeah, that's pretty cute. Get

30:14

him to upload it,

30:15

set it to private, and then you can play them

30:17

to the baby and vice versa.

30:19

And then when you get a bit older, like

30:21

us, and the baby's like 7RA

30:23

and going back to school, you can go

30:26

through your little private YouTube

30:27

and cry. Yeah, you'll have... You'll

30:30

have them all there as like a little memory and you can

30:32

go back and go, oh, look, look, look. Remember

30:35

when I sent you that they had a...

30:36

That's one thing I love. ... Poon army in Tesco Carpops.

30:39

That's one thing I love about what we've

30:41

done with the Labbaby videos over the time.

30:43

I mean, it's been seven years now. But

30:46

when

30:46

I look back at like when the boys

30:48

were one or two or three, and

30:50

the different points of our life and the

30:53

different stages they were going through, the things

30:55

you hacked, it's like I still, and even

30:57

now the boys will watch those little videos

30:59

because they're so lovely. We have a totally different

31:02

phase of life now, but it's so

31:04

nice to look back on. You might

31:07

not like it now, but honestly, it's very

31:08

sheer. And you know what? Everyone

31:10

takes videos and you save them on your phone,

31:12

but you don't always... When you want to watch it, it's hard

31:14

to find it. Well, on YouTube, even if it

31:17

accounts private, you can go in there, type

31:19

in what you called it and it'll bring it straight up. And it's like an easy

31:21

way of like doing a video diary,

31:24

even just on a private mode. So I think

31:26

that's a good one. I think we've actually helped

31:28

there, Rox.

31:29

I feel like we have. I

31:31

hope Emily sending you all

31:33

the love and just stick with

31:36

it and big you up for doing

31:38

that. To your fella on deployment, absolute

31:41

legend. I hope you listened to the podcast. And

31:43

if you could get him to vote at the podcast. Stop

31:46

it. At the British podcast.

31:47

He's busy. He's always here

31:49

for a plug, this one. Emily,

31:52

thank you so much. If you have got a dilemma that

31:55

you would like me and Rox to actually

31:57

help, we have today. That was a

31:59

good one. touch on the Ladbaby podcast

32:01

at gmail.com.

32:05

Ladies and gentlemen, this

32:09

is your Date Night Diaries. Woo!

32:13

Date night!

32:15

I've got a cracking one. Oh!

32:18

I've got a cracking one today. Please

32:20

tell us. I need a laugh.

32:23

It's a little bit long, so right, here we go. Okay.

32:25

Hi, Mark and Rox, here's my date night story.

32:29

So during the first lockdown, my friend got me speaking

32:31

to one of her friends. He was

32:33

a teacher in a school and we started texting

32:35

each other and he seemed really nice.

32:37

Great start.

32:38

Great start. As we came to the end

32:40

of the first lockdown, the government had introduced the

32:43

eat out to help out scheme. So we decided

32:45

to go on a day date for some food

32:48

and then see where the night took us. Straight

32:51

out of lockdown, I've got a date, they're going out. I

32:54

was really excited and had butterflies about meeting

32:57

him, but

32:58

I had a problem.

33:01

I have a health condition that means

33:03

I get abscesses in really

33:05

awkward places. Oh no. So

33:07

ahead of the date, I contacted my doctor

33:10

so he could prescribe me with some antibiotics.

33:12

She's thought ahead. She's thought ahead. That's

33:14

fine.

33:15

Cut to the date

33:17

and we have just ordered our first drink and

33:19

we're sat waiting for them to arrive at our table.

33:21

I get a text from my doctor asking

33:24

me to send him a picture of my recent

33:27

abscess.

33:28

FYI, it

33:30

was

33:31

right on the inside

33:34

of my thigh, close to my

33:37

you know what.

33:40

I

33:42

know, I can feel what's going to happen.

33:44

Now, I had

33:47

decided not to shave my

33:49

lower area because

33:52

it was only a first date

33:54

and if I had wanted to do anything more,

33:56

this would have stopped me doing anything further

33:58

with the teacher.

33:59

She's like the strategy. She's thought about it. She's

34:02

thought about it.

34:02

So I headed off to toilet to take a picture to

34:05

send to my doctor.

34:06

Like you do on a date. But

34:08

whilst I was doing so, I got a text

34:10

from my date telling me the drinks that arrived

34:12

at the table. So I quickly took

34:14

the picture,

34:15

sent it to my doctor, washed

34:18

my hands and walked back to the table.

34:20

Only to find my date very red

34:22

faced. Oh no. He

34:24

says, do you send pictures

34:26

like that all the time or just on first

34:29

dates? Oh

34:31

my God. That

34:33

is a scorcher. I

34:36

can't even laugh. It's that bad.

34:39

I mean, just sending a picture of

34:41

the wrong area is enough. Let alone. Oh,

34:46

you poor thing. It's okay.

34:49

I want the ground to swallow me up.

34:51

Turns out I'd sent my hairy nude

34:54

abscess

34:55

to him and not my doctor. Oh, oh. After

34:59

I explained everything, he saw the

35:01

funny side and couldn't and was nearly

35:04

crying with laughter.

35:05

Sounds like

35:07

a nice guy. Two years later

35:09

we're still together.

35:12

Oh, I love it when you crack into

35:14

a five years later we're married. Seven

35:17

years later I've got five kids. That

35:19

just...

35:19

Two years later they're still together.

35:22

Awkward dates are where it's at.

35:25

Well where is that? Is sending

35:27

him a

35:28

nude picture on the first date. That

35:30

got it over the line didn't

35:31

it? Well, trying to see

35:34

my abscess. I

35:36

don't feel that as the ring to it really.

35:39

Oh. Oh. Oh.

35:42

Oh God. I'll be honest. That is

35:44

a cracking story isn't it? It really

35:46

is. If you have got

35:48

a date night story, I'm almost speechless.

35:51

I don't even know how to comment on it.

35:53

I don't know if I've ever accidentally said...

35:55

I've never sent any bad photos

35:58

like that. I can't believe it.

35:59

boobs or send it

36:02

for JJ. I just have never done

36:04

it.

36:04

I once sent a text message,

36:07

like, being horrible about

36:09

my boss. To your boss? To my

36:11

boss by mistake. I

36:14

thought I was sending it to one of my mates. Because

36:17

they both text me and I was

36:19

like, oh, I've just got to answer this. And

36:21

I wrote something horrible and then sent it.

36:24

And then, like, almost as I pressed send,

36:26

I was like, oh my God! Did the

36:28

whole thing. And then, back in the day,

36:30

you know when you could take your battery out of your phone?

36:32

Took the battery out

36:34

of the back of your mobile. You did it! I

36:37

was like, did it send? Did it send? And it did send. So

36:39

then I quickly fired another one going, lol,

36:42

only joking. I tried

36:44

to cover it up like I was cracking a joke.

36:47

I got away with it to be fair. I think he knew, but

36:49

it was never, it

36:51

was never brought up. Do you know what I mean? It was never brought

36:54

up. I've always had like an odd auto

36:57

correct, but, you know. I've got

36:59

an auto correct coming up. Have you? They're

37:01

my favourite! It's later, it's

37:03

later. If you have got a date

37:05

night story that you would like to share with us,

37:08

please, please do

37:10

get in touch on the Ladbaby podcast

37:12

at gmail.com. Here we go.

37:15

Favourite time of the show. This

37:19

is Confessions of

37:22

a Housekeeper.

37:29

It's

37:29

a good one. Why

37:32

is it a good one? It

37:35

might be my favourite. What? It

37:37

might be my favourite one we've ever done. Really?

37:40

Because you just don't see it coming.

37:42

So this, this isn't from a housekeeper.

37:44

This is a hotel experience that

37:46

someone had while staying in a hotel. Right.

37:49

Come on, tell me. Many years ago, I went

37:51

on a couple's holiday with a friend of mine

37:53

and his current girlfriend with my current girlfriend.

37:56

Right.

37:57

We had gone to Corfu for a three

37:59

week holiday.

38:00

Okay, lovely. Not less, three weeks in Corfu,

38:02

thanks I will. Yeah. The

38:05

place we... That made you laugh. I

38:07

thought I'd never been Corfu. The

38:11

place we stayed was amazing.

38:13

And as you can imagine,

38:15

myself and my friend made a daily attempt

38:18

to drink her own bodyweight in alcohol.

38:21

Well, there you go. As

38:23

you know, when you drink a lot of alcohol

38:26

for several days, it has an effect

38:28

on your digestive system.

38:31

My friend had also planned... My friend had planned

38:34

to propose to his girlfriend on the holiday

38:36

and

38:37

had spent a couple of grand on a beautiful

38:39

engagement ring.

38:41

Oh, lovely

38:43

romantic. It's the perfect

38:45

dream. Corfu backdrop is going

38:47

to propose. Lovely.

38:50

This particular night, we'd said our

38:52

good nights and went off to our

38:54

respective rooms to retire.

38:56

In the morning, my hotel

38:58

phone rang

39:00

and when I answered it, it was my mate.

39:02

His voice sounded rather strained

39:05

and asked me if I'd meet him

39:09

in the restaurant. I could hear his

39:11

girlfriend crying in the background,

39:14

asking if my girlfriend would go

39:16

round to their room.

39:18

So I headed off to meet my mate and

39:20

my girlfriend headed round to their room. Oh

39:22

no, what's happened? When I got to the restaurant,

39:25

my mate was looking a bit sheepish.

39:27

Thinking the worst about his planned

39:29

proposal, I

39:31

inquired, was everything

39:33

okay? To my surprise,

39:36

it wasn't that the engagement had gone wrong.

39:41

What's going... Where is this going? To

39:44

my surprise, my friend

39:46

informed me that during the night,

39:49

he had soiled himself in the bed. Not

39:57

only had he soiled himself.

39:59

But it also

40:01

got it

40:02

all over his girlfriend who

40:04

was obviously in the bed. Oh no!

40:08

Oh my goodness!

40:10

But she hadn't woken up.

40:13

What? So he got up, went to

40:15

the bathroom, cleaned himself up,

40:17

returned to the room and then slept

40:19

the rest of the night on the balcony.

40:23

Eventually, when his girlfriend woke

40:25

up in the morning,

40:27

she was mortified at the mess.

40:29

But

40:29

my quick thinking mate

40:32

told her that she had pooed the bed.

40:35

No!

40:38

Oh, that's disgusting!

40:41

Sworn to secrecy, I vowed to never

40:44

mention it to his girlfriend. To

40:48

this day. She thinks she

40:50

soiled herself. They are still

40:52

together.

40:53

They are married with kids. I

40:55

was the best man at the wedding

40:58

and still she thinks she

41:00

soiled herself on their holiday.

41:03

Well I hope she's listening because

41:05

that is cruel.

41:08

What a legend! That is not a

41:10

legend.

41:10

That is despicable. What

41:13

a legend! Who does that? He

41:15

pooed the bed, got up,

41:17

cleaned himself up and then made her think she

41:20

had pooed the bed. That's beyond. That's

41:22

beyond disgusting.

41:24

That man should be ashamed of himself

41:26

because if she'd have found out he'd done

41:29

that, she wouldn't have married him. I wouldn't

41:31

have married him if you made me think that I'd

41:33

pooped myself in Corfu.

41:35

That is the best

41:37

story I've ever heard. That

41:40

is incredible. That poor woman. To

41:43

wake up and think that it was you and

41:45

to spend a lifetime thinking that you'd had too

41:47

much on holiday and

41:48

pooed the bed. I just can't

41:50

understand. I don't think

41:53

I've ever pooped myself in bed, asleep. Surely

41:57

you feel it. Come in.

42:00

I've never just had one slip

42:02

out. No. You didn't

42:06

say. You didn't say. I'm

42:08

out of time. What's the next

42:11

feature guys? You

42:14

did not convince him. Oh,

42:17

please tell me you've not booed

42:19

on me.

42:21

Weather's been terrible at the minute, hasn't it?

42:26

No, I haven't. I'm dead.

42:29

I'm dead. No, I've never,

42:31

I've never, I've

42:33

never pooed the bed.

42:37

I'll tell you one of the funniest stories

42:39

I ever saw a witness. I

42:41

was at a football game once and saw a steward poo himself.

42:50

What? One of them stewards that

42:52

wears the high-vis? Yeah,

42:55

that wears... He

42:57

was in a cubicle in the blokes toilet,

43:00

screaming for someone to get him some clean trousers

43:02

at a football game. Where are they going to

43:04

get them from? I'll

43:07

always remember his walk as he walked out, walking

43:10

like he'd pooed himself. And everyone

43:12

like

43:13

giving him like a guard

43:15

of honour as he walked through. Because

43:17

he was making such a drama of it. He should have just left and not told anyone.

43:20

And he told, he was like screaming

43:22

for trousers. And then everyone applauded

43:24

him. And I won't tell you what they sung, but you

43:26

can probably guess.

43:28

But yeah, so... I'm

43:34

done. I am done. Oh,

43:37

that's really made my face ache. Great.

43:40

I've laughed today, my friend.

43:42

So that is the confessions of a housekeeper.

43:45

Housekeeper, ladies and gentlemen, if

43:47

you have ever pooed yourself

43:48

in bed or on holiday... Don't tell

43:51

us. Please do get in touch. Don't

43:54

send photos, just tell us the story. Ladbabypodcast

43:58

at gmail.com. That's a good one.

43:59

one, innit?

44:01

Yeah.

44:04

I just can't get

44:06

over how you made

44:09

someone believe they had pooed themselves.

44:11

It's incredible. It's incredible work. It's

44:13

the worst. It's quick thinking. Quick thinking.

44:16

One absolute legend.

44:17

Just sewn up. I'm so sorry

44:20

I pooped myself in the night. I couldn't wake you up.

44:22

What do you mean she didn't wake

44:24

up? Would you not smell

44:27

it? I've not got any more information,

44:29

Rox. I

44:32

need the information. I

44:34

wasn't there, thankfully. Yeah,

44:37

librarypodcast at gmail.com. Right,

44:39

Rox, well, the new feature. Do

44:41

you remember your little jingle? Yeah. Come

44:45

on out. It's One Line

44:49

Wonders. A whole sentence

44:51

in one line. I don't

44:54

feel like you've got the jingle nailed

44:56

yet. Well, it's freestyle, isn't it?

44:58

It's a freestyle jingle. It's a one liner. It'll

45:01

be different every week. I mean, we've so

45:03

many one liners. They're absolute great.

45:06

This feature is really stepping forward

45:09

in my feature level. I feel

45:11

like... It's a good little pick me up after Confessions

45:13

of a Housekeeper. Oh, that's so good. Yeah.

45:16

So this week is from

45:18

a lovely person called

45:20

Selena. And she's

45:23

said she's loving the podcast, but she has a mortifying

45:26

one liner. So for context,

45:29

I feel like she said she's got to give us context. She's

45:32

an antique dealer. Right. And

45:34

she was corresponding with a

45:36

customer who

45:37

had sent her a photo of

45:39

an antique mantle clock.

45:42

Right.

45:45

Where's this going? The customer had texted

45:47

saying, Hi, I've got an antique mantle clock

45:49

for sale.

45:50

She replied,

45:52

Now clocks are my passion. I

45:55

adore them.

45:57

Except autocorrect changed

45:59

clock. to cock. Cocks

46:04

are my passion! That's

46:07

not even the worst bit! There

46:09

was more to the text! So

46:12

autocorrects centre, now

46:15

cocks are my passion, I adore them. The

46:17

older the better. Is it wind

46:19

up or battery operated?

46:21

Absolutely

46:27

amazing! That is one of the

46:29

best one liners!

46:32

Cocks are my passion!

46:37

She actually put the older the better! The

46:39

older the better? Is it wind up or battery operated?

46:42

She said she never heard

46:44

back from the customer. That's incredible,

46:48

isn't it? That is so

46:50

good. I'm telling that story.

46:53

If she texts me that. I have to have it blown up and put

46:55

it on the wall just because it was funny. That

46:58

is absolutely amazing.

46:58

That's

47:01

up there in the top five love. Up

47:04

there with the cheese cake and all that. I've

47:07

got so many good ones coming. I'm

47:10

glad it's doing well.

47:12

Keep sending them in, like with all the

47:14

features. We're going to try and get through all of them.

47:17

We're going to do this podcast forever and we're going to get through

47:19

all of them. Keep sending them in

47:21

please. We're going to send them into Ladbabypodcast.com.

47:25

Living with a...

47:28

Savoner! How

47:30

are you doing? We're back. Guys,

47:34

we're back.

47:36

We're back to where we should be. Not

47:40

Roxanne. We're

47:43

back to teaching Roxanne how

47:44

to talk properly. This

47:47

is a section of the show where we give Roxanne

47:49

a word. A very easy word from everyday society. And

47:53

see how badly she pronounces

47:55

it. How very dare you.

47:56

Are you ready for

47:59

this? This week's word, Roxanne. Go

48:01

on. S, t,

48:05

a, f, f, staff.

48:08

Staff. S, m, m. Staff.

48:13

It's not though, is it? There's no R in it. Staff.

48:15

S, t, a, f, staff.

48:18

Staff. Staff. Staff.

48:21

No, staff room.

48:23

Staff room. I sound like I'm angry

48:25

or spitting on something. What?

48:27

Staff. Staff. Staff.

48:31

Like, that doesn't sound, staff. It is, staff.

48:34

Would one staff come to the lobby? I

48:37

thought it would say Gina, is she in the staff

48:39

room? She's her avocado. Hey,

48:42

Gina, you got the staff

48:44

room? Yeah.

48:46

What, no, staff room. Where's Janice in the staff

48:48

room? Staff. Staff.

48:51

More, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more. She's

48:53

in her coffee or in the staff room?

48:55

No. No. I

48:58

don't even eat caviar. What are you

49:00

getting? Caviar in the staff room. Whoa,

49:02

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're such a donor.

49:04

Staff. Staff. Staff.

49:07

What's that, do you say staff,

49:09

staff terrier? Yeah. What

49:12

do you say? Staff terrier. No, you don't.

49:14

I do. I bet you don't. Do you

49:16

actually? Yeah. Sorry.

49:19

Yeah. Staff is, staff

49:22

terrier. Staffy. Staff

49:24

is, staff terrier. You'd say

49:26

staffy. Here comes a staffy. Staffy, yeah.

49:29

No, go ahead. Oh, go, go, look at that staffy.

49:32

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can

49:34

you imagine? Look at that

49:36

staffy over there. Look at that staffy. What

49:38

a beautiful dog. That wonderful lady has a staffy.

49:41

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. She's walking her

49:43

staffy. Ha ha ha ha ha. I

49:46

mean, it suddenly makes it sound better. I just

49:48

choked on my own snort. I mean,

49:51

it definitely sounds more upper class

49:53

than going, look at her and her staff. Yeah.

49:56

Oh, here comes the staff. Ha

49:58

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's

50:00

a pack of starves. What?

50:04

In that one scenario, I'll let you keep

50:06

staff. Only because you love it. Only

50:08

because I don't want to go for a drive

50:10

tomorrow round like a field and

50:13

find somebody with a staffy just

50:15

so you can go,

50:16

Oh, what a lovely staffy. Look at that

50:18

man walking a staffy. Incredible.

50:21

Absolutely incredible. I've

50:24

won then, that one. I'll let you have

50:26

that one. Just in that context, though.

50:28

Just for your entertainment. Because I absolutely

50:30

love it. Rock, am I keeping living

50:32

with the Southerner for next week?

50:34

No, no, because I'll

50:36

tell you what, Mark, my DMs have gone

50:38

off. People have been sending

50:40

me things that you've been getting wrong. Everyday

50:43

words that you think are right and

50:44

totally wrong. I bet you've had no emails. I

50:47

have. I've got a word lined up ready

50:49

to roll. If you want to drop that beat right now,

50:51

you could. I've got one. No, no, no. I'm not

50:53

going to wait till next week. I'm not

50:54

going to embarrass you. Oh! I'll

50:57

let you have a week to work it out. Let me put my staffies

50:59

on you. I don't know what that

51:01

means. OK, next

51:04

week, it'll be back with Living with the... Northerner. Northerner.

51:06

North. North. Right.

51:10

Name that sound. The

51:12

hardest quiz in the world.

51:15

All I've got written on my page here

51:17

is excited horse. So

51:20

as you can imagine, I'm confused.

51:23

If a little perplexed.

51:24

Well, this was the sound from last

51:26

week, guys. Mate,

51:31

that's an exciting old cynic, eh? That's a stallion.

51:33

Just to clarify, if you're new here. I'm

51:37

playing a sound from a soundboard website. Yeah,

51:39

Mark's not been in a field this

51:41

week. What

51:44

is that the sound of? Could

51:47

be like a warthog or a pig thinking back. I

51:50

think it's a horse. That's a horse

51:52

noise, that. Roxanne? Yeah?

51:55

You're wrong. What?

51:57

It was the sound of a breathing.

52:00

using bull. A bull? No,

52:02

not a bull. Yeah. A

52:04

bull. Bull. A bull. The

52:07

U-L-L. It's a bull. Bull. That's

52:10

the sound of a bull.

52:12

Sounds like a dodgy bull, that one, love.

52:15

What? Sounds like a pig bull, do you know what I mean? No,

52:17

I don't. Sounds like a pig bull. No, I don't.

52:20

You're not to be a bull. It's a bull. That

52:22

was the bull. No. I didn't see anyone

52:24

get it right. I went through a lot of emails this week.

52:26

I didn't see anyone. Lots of different

52:28

suggestions, but no one said

52:31

bull. Got a

52:32

new one for you this week. A lot of people said excited

52:34

horses, didn't they? There was a lot of horses. There

52:36

was a lot of pigs. Yeah. But

52:38

yeah, no, I didn't see a bull. So,

52:41

what a load of bull. What a load of bull.

52:44

So, this week, Sandy, are you ready? Go on. I

52:46

think this is a hard one.

52:50

Oh. Oh. Mixed

52:52

it up this week. Go on.

52:57

What the muffin is that? It

53:00

sounds like a running

53:04

duck by the side of the trench. And

53:06

I feed the ducks with the kids. That's what they

53:08

sound like when they're like running off with their little

53:10

wings. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah,

53:14

look. Little duck running off of little

53:16

wings. I reckon that's a running duck. What

53:18

are they running on? Like a pillow? Oh,

53:23

yeah. It could be a pillow noise. Oh,

53:26

I'll be honest with you, Mark. This is perplexed,

53:28

mate. It's a hard one, isn't it? That's very, very,

53:30

very hard.

53:34

Could be just someone beating their chest, couldn't it? Oh, yeah.

53:39

So, that's the sound of rocks. It

53:42

could just be, yeah. Mate, that's a tit slap. It could just

53:44

be somebody like wiping crumbs off of their lap. Oh.

53:49

Oh,

53:53

yeah. That could be somebody that's

53:55

had a very flaky sausage

53:57

roll, and they're just getting the

53:59

crumbs off. Crumbs off. Beating your chest?

54:02

That does sound like beating your chest. I'm

54:05

gonna stick with a happy duck. Do you

54:07

know what I mean? Who don't love a little flappy

54:09

duck? I'm sticking with a flappy

54:11

duck. You had so many sensible suggestions. I

54:13

did and I just went full scale,

54:16

silly. And she's come full circle.

54:19

I've gone from an excited horse to

54:21

a happy flappy duck. Let us

54:23

know guys, I think this is a very hard

54:25

one. So let us know if you know what

54:27

that is. Happy

54:29

flappy duck. Sorry, I'm just writing it down. I can see

54:31

you writing it down. Well done. That's

54:34

it guys. End of another episode. Oh no, not

54:36

again. Over in a flash.

54:37

Just when I think I'm

54:40

warming up, it's the end. There

54:42

we go. Guys, thank you so much for listening

54:44

to us once again. Please, if you haven't voted

54:47

for us yet at the British Podcast Awards and the Lessonals

54:49

Choice category, please go and do it now. And

54:53

we'll see you all next week.

54:54

And I just want to say thank you to everyone

54:56

whose message is and says they're walking

54:59

their dog or they're getting them through their

55:01

summer holidays or they're listening to this

55:04

podcast. It means a hell of a lot

55:06

to us and we appreciate every

55:08

one of you

55:09

listening. We're going to play you out with my

55:11

favourite song of all time. Of course, it's

55:13

one of my own. Here's

55:15

one I made earlier. Dance

55:17

it off, babies.

55:19

Good luck to everyone

55:21

going back to school this week.

55:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

55:30

Oh, yeah. I've got to say, one of

55:32

the small highlights out at school was lunchtime.

55:35

Lunchtime's always a good time. I do

55:38

miss a school lunch, if

55:40

only for the desserts. Ha ha ha. I

55:44

also, my German teacher used to sell

55:46

me Mars bars. What

55:48

school did you go to? Honestly,

55:51

she had a fridge under her desk. She sold

55:53

me Mars bars. Incredible.

55:56

She marks them up, though. Ha

55:58

ha ha ha. Guys, have

56:01

a great week. You

56:30

got to live, love, love

56:33

Cause life ain't so easy

56:35

today Oh, I, you got

56:37

to live, love, love Love

56:43

me, love me baby You

56:47

got to listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, yeah

56:51

I'm way too old to go to a

56:53

beach But we don't

56:55

care Love

56:59

me, love me, love me baby Listen

57:04

to me, listen to me Baby, come and

57:06

join me You

57:09

got to live, love, love Cause

57:13

life ain't so easy today Oh,

57:15

I, you got to live, love, love Love

57:30

me, love me baby