0:00

Oh no, actually. Yes,

0:02

under there. How did that even... Lift

0:05

it up and clean under it. I'm

0:07

trying! You won't get it if

0:09

you're just pushing it off the side of the table.

0:11

No, the whole area is wet.

0:13

Oh no, it's on my phone and the

0:15

paper! Hello everyone!

0:18

And welcome back to our podcast.

0:21

Come on, Rock! Hold on! What's going on? I've

0:23

just spilled a whole can of

0:25

Pepsi all over me and my area. Use

0:28

the tissue. Yes, I am. Use the

0:30

tissue. I am, but I wasn't expecting you to start

0:33

recording! Hold

0:36

on, let me just... I have been waiting in this

0:38

room, ladies and gentlemen, for Rocks to come in. I've

0:40

been waiting here about half an hour. She's

0:42

walked straight in, gone, well I'm ready.

0:45

And then she's chucked Pepsi all over her desk.

0:47

I

0:47

didn't do it on purpose, did I? Have you

0:49

finished cleaning it up properly? Not really,

0:51

no. You've just pushed Pepsi onto the floor.

0:54

I've seen you do it. I'm trying

0:56

my best! I've just got a toilet right

0:58

where the... Dab the floor, dab the carpet.

1:01

Okay, hold on.

1:02

Right,

1:06

here we are! Hello everyone! Hi, I'm Mark.

1:10

I'm Rocks. And this is

1:12

our podcast. Live, laugh, love the

1:14

podcast!

1:17

What a morning! Already,

1:19

she's chucked Pepsi everywhere.

1:25

Come on, Rocks, what have you got to do? Everybody,

1:32

let's go! You've got to live,

1:34

laugh, love! Even if you've

1:37

got a wet area today, guys, you

1:39

have got to live, laugh, love! That's

1:41

the only way to get through it, my friends.

1:44

Hello everyone and welcome back. Thank you for joining us

1:46

again to our podcast, episode

1:49

number 21.

1:51

21 and having fun, my

1:53

friends! Oh, great! What

1:55

I'd give to be 21 again. Oh,

1:57

no, I didn't really... You know, now's better,

1:59

like... 21, I didn't even know

2:02

what day it was. Well, we have got all

2:04

your favourite features coming up guys. Dial

2:06

a dilemma, date night diaries, confessions

2:08

of a housekeeper, one-line wonders, living with

2:10

a Southerner and name that

2:13

sound. And can I say, if you don't already

2:15

follow the podcast yet... Please

2:16

do, we'll love you forever and I won't

2:18

spill Pepsi

2:19

everywhere very well. Please

2:23

follow guys, press the little plus button wherever you follow

2:25

us. We'd love you to

2:27

be back here every week and get it straight into

2:29

your phone the minute it comes out.

2:31

It's lovely to hear everyone having fun.

2:34

It's really nice to hear people off

2:36

going back to school, going to work, they're

2:38

travelling to work now and they're like, I'm back

2:41

on the podcast, I'm sorry, I've been back.

2:43

It's so lovely to hear what you're

2:44

watching here. I have got the funniest

2:47

little story that I've just got to tell you

2:49

at the top of today's show that

2:51

we have had an email in from

2:53

Heather who told us that she nearly

2:55

died this week listening to our podcast. Oh, Heather, are

2:58

you alright my dear wife? Why was she really dying? She

3:03

was listening to our podcast whilst driving

3:05

home and was laughing so hard

3:07

at our barbecue stories that she nearly

3:09

choked on an almond. Oh, Heather,

3:12

right, Heather, pull

3:15

to the side

3:16

and eat your almonds in a lay-by.

3:19

If

3:19

you're going to eat your nuts...

3:22

Oh, nuts.

3:24

If you're going to eat nuts in public, Heather, just

3:27

pull up and make sure no one's watching. Don't

3:29

do it whilst driving. Eating nuts and driving

3:32

is not a safe

3:34

combo. This is a warning

3:36

to anyone

3:37

listening to this podcast. If you don't

3:39

want to choke or accidentally die

3:41

by laughter, please don't

3:43

play that.

3:44

Leave

3:47

your nuts alone when you're listening to our podcast.

3:49

Okay, that's a warning for everybody listening

3:51

right now. Don't touch your nuts. Never

3:54

inhale with a nut in the mouth.

3:57

Ha ha ha. So there's a little warning

3:59

for this week. No driving. It's

4:02

not good enough.

4:03

Me and you, wouldn't we? We

4:05

were on our way with our little nut snacks

4:07

this week to London. Me and

4:09

you were commuting. Back

4:12

like the old days, me and you commuting. Back to death, like

4:14

Batman and Robin. On the

4:17

train down to London. What?

4:20

You're Rodney. He's so funny. Honestly,

4:24

Rock's getting a train. She makes so many

4:26

likes. I'll be getting snacks for the time.

4:29

I love a commute. I actually

4:31

turn up at a train station and get straight on the

4:33

train. Rock says, oh, I've got to get me coffee from

4:35

there. I've got to get me snacks. Well, is

4:37

there going to be a drink, Charlie, that comes round? The

4:40

palava of a commute for Roxanne

4:43

is absolutely fantastic. But commuting back

4:45

in the day was like, you

4:46

know, commuting to work. Got to be always

4:48

late. I was always trying to catch a tube,

4:50

the last train. There wasn't this 24-hour

4:53

tube thing. I had to always

4:55

be catching up with myself because I was a terrible

4:56

timekeeper, as we know. As

4:59

we do well know. But now, I'm like,

5:00

oh, I've got to go with my phone.

5:03

I've got to read a little book. I've got to do a magazine. I've

5:05

got to have a little drinky poo, a little coffee.

5:08

Do you like commuting?

5:10

Did I like commuting? Did you or do you? No,

5:12

I've never been a commuter, really. You've always known

5:14

about it. So in the hour, right now, my kids are going off

5:16

a bit. It's a bit of pee. It's

5:18

a day off, isn't it? Sit on a train for

5:20

two hours and it's time away. Don't

5:23

have to drive. Don't have

5:24

to think. Don't have to look. Don't have to do

5:26

anything. I'll be honest. I wasn't very... You

5:30

was a very good, effective commuter, what

5:32

I remember. You used to

5:34

get the bus, the tube, the

5:36

train. You always had the app going. I would

5:39

have games. I'd pick up a paper. You were

5:42

like my PA commuter. I used to like a

5:43

commute because it was... Yeah, it

5:45

was time for me to get stuff done. Yeah. I

5:49

don't mind all of it, but

5:50

I wasn't very good at it. I

5:52

want you to tell everyone that story, though, where... I mean, I wasn't

5:54

there. Right? I'm going to say this.

5:57

This is true, though. I don't know.

5:59

Having... Having been with you for

6:01

a long time Roxanne, I have

6:03

never seen any of these traits come

6:05

through in any other part of life. You can stop

6:07

because I have... Roxanne claims

6:10

that you saved somebody's life on

6:12

a commute.

6:13

I saved a man's life

6:14

on a commuter

6:16

train. I did and I don't... Tell

6:19

us what happened. I swear

6:19

on my life, on everyone's

6:21

life, I saved a man's life

6:24

one day. Come on then, what happened? Well, I was on the way

6:26

to work. Now, at the time I would get a train,

6:28

I'd have to get up early, get on

6:30

the train and get into central

6:32

London. So I was running

6:34

for my train, got to the platform remarkably.

6:38

I was there quite early. But I'm looking

6:40

at this point and I see this

6:43

guy

6:43

walking,

6:44

but he's obviously

6:47

not concentrating because... You

6:49

know when you see someone like... It was

6:51

in the morning, so he's not drunk or anything, but I

6:53

can see him walking, walking and I'm like, Oh,

6:56

he's like looking down... I

6:58

can't remember if he was on his phone or if

7:00

he was reading. I can't even remember. But

7:02

what I remember is that he was walking and I was

7:04

like, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. He's gone

7:07

over the yellow line. He's gone over the yellow

7:09

line. He's not gone over the yellow line. The train

7:11

came in, right? Mark,

7:14

he misses the step and

7:17

his leg

7:19

goes down to the platform.

7:21

Right? Between the train

7:23

and the platform, his leg's falling down the gap. His leg's falling

7:25

down and his balls hit

7:28

the platform. The hardest

7:31

I've ever heard a man scream. Like,

7:34

aah! Like,

7:36

I hear it now. Right. So

7:39

one leg's down the gap or most of the other leg. On the

7:41

platform or in the train? Like,

7:42

on the platform up,

7:44

one leg is down. He's down the gap. Right?

7:47

He's fallen

7:47

down the gap, missed the step,

7:49

gone down the gap and angled and wedged himself

7:52

in the gap and he cannot and

7:55

he's screaming and crying.

7:57

I mean, he's fallen on his nuts. screaming

8:00

and crying, it's in the morning, he's still got the brain

8:03

burning his hand. Shouldn't laugh. And

8:05

I just leapt into action, right?

8:08

I don't know what happened, I don't know what ever come from

8:10

it, because this man is double my height

8:12

and size, right?

8:13

But he's wedged in, I'm like, oh

8:15

my God! I literally go, this man's

8:17

gonna die, like in my brain. Right,

8:20

super rocks for the rescue. I run

8:22

over,

8:22

because I'm first on the sea.

8:24

Brilliant, first on the sea. I'm

8:26

first on the sea. Right?

8:29

You see a man struggling

8:31

with his balls, you're like, I'm there to help.

8:33

This man is wailing, like,

8:35

ahh!

8:36

Like beyond

8:38

wailing. Screaming, crying,

8:40

he's got his balls trapped in the platform, right?

8:43

Right,

8:44

he,

8:45

I grab him by the head. It's

8:47

all I can think. Why don't

8:49

I do the odds? I used to be holding

8:50

by the head, either side

8:53

of his head, and start tugging him

8:55

by his head.

8:55

Sorry? I'm like,

8:57

ahh! You've grabbed him by the ears, and

9:00

you're tugging him. Yeah, I'm pulling. Why not

9:02

under his arms? I can't,

9:03

I can't winch him out. Like,

9:04

he's wedged in. How is grabbing him by the

9:06

ears gonna help?

9:07

One leg is door-stop, then the other leg is

9:09

not. Yes, but how is grabbing him by the edge? You're gonna give

9:11

him a neck injury. I'm gonna be in sheer panic

9:13

mode, okay? This man's gonna die, the train's

9:16

gonna take off, and

9:16

his balls are gonna be sliced in half in

9:19

my head. I've done a whole action

9:21

movie in my brain. Sea Hulk over

9:23

here, grabs him, no lie.

9:25

I grabbed him by the head, pulls

9:28

him out, and he flopped out

9:30

like a little floppy bunny.

9:31

And he

9:34

laid on the platform. Crying?

9:37

I was like, yeah, he was like wincing

9:39

from his balls. And now he's neck

9:41

injury. At this point,

9:43

you know, the train staff are aside,

9:46

well done, they're like, well done. Oh my, well

9:48

done, what happened? And I was

9:50

like, I went, he wedged his balls

9:52

in the platform. And

9:54

I was just sort of stroking his head because

9:56

I felt really bad.

9:59

I saved his life, but I did it by ripping

10:02

his head off nearly.

10:03

But he'd come out.

10:05

I got him out of that situation. And did

10:07

he thank you for this, Roxy? You know what, Mark? Or did

10:10

he not? He was crying quite profusely.

10:12

And he

10:14

was like, thank you. But

10:16

in my brain, I sort of stepped

10:19

over him and went, I hope you're okay. And

10:22

they called an ambulance because he was in a bad

10:24

state. He hurt himself. It

10:26

wasn't like, this wasn't a small

10:28

gap. This was a

10:30

gap. This was a gap. He's got his legs down

10:32

there. Back in the day gap, this was. Do you think

10:34

you helped that scenario or made it worse? I

10:36

saved his life. I say, to this day, I

10:38

saved his life. Yeah,

10:41

you might say that. Would he say that?

10:42

But if you've ever seen a girl pulling a

10:44

man out of the platform by his head,

10:46

that was me.

10:47

If you was on the platform that day. If it was

10:50

you, get in contact. I want to know your

10:52

balls

10:52

are all right. That's how it is. If

10:56

you was ever on a platform in London and had your

10:58

balls trapped and you was

11:01

helped. I

11:03

did help him. The train was going to go. If

11:05

you was helped by a woman ripping your

11:07

head off. I

11:08

didn't have any other means. I'm sorry.

11:10

Do please get in touch on the Lab Baby podcast

11:12

at gmail.com. Well, I'll be honest. I've

11:14

never had any apparent

11:17

life-saving moments on a commute.

11:20

But I'm trying to think of incidents.

11:23

I had, I was trying to think of these when we're talking about it the

11:25

other day. The best ones I can I can think of

11:27

for my time. You know, I spent nearly 11 10 11 years

11:30

in London or around London on commutes. Yeah,

11:33

you don't have a save the person story. Do

11:35

you? But you're on buses a lot.

11:40

I took the bus a lot. So I saw

11:42

a lot of cyclists get knocked off. Oh,

11:44

yeah, terrible. By buses because buses.

11:46

There's so many and so many cyclists whizzing about.

11:48

It was

11:48

those bendy buses, wasn't it?

11:50

Yeah, I remember that. But I mean my

11:52

some of my favorite stories. It was getting a night bus.

11:54

I remember getting a night bus about two o'clock from

11:57

like Camden way and a

11:59

bloke sort of. went to the top of the bus and he announced,

12:02

perhaps it was, everyone was a little bit drunk. Guys,

12:05

I've just stolen burger sauce!

12:08

Yay! What? That was a bad

12:10

shot! He had like a two litre

12:13

bottle of burger sauce he'd stolen from a kebab

12:15

shop. Wow. And then everyone

12:17

on the top deck of the bus did shots of

12:19

burger sauce. Stop

12:22

it! This is

12:24

a... Of course it is! A

12:27

shot of burger sauce! What on

12:29

a night bus? On a night bus? Absolutely

12:32

incredible! These

12:35

night buses used to be proper

12:37

proper Larry, wouldn't they? Do you remember

12:39

them? They were the best ever singing ever, like,

12:42

I remember everyone singing Oasis, Wonderwall was

12:44

always a classic on the top of a double

12:46

decker whenever they'd have a future drink. And there's some

12:48

some beautiful fans in the

12:50

dark there! There was always random, wasn't it? Yeah,

12:53

there was random songs. Um,

12:56

although my very worst experience

12:59

of a commute was

13:01

when me and you went on that date and

13:04

I nearly got stabbed.

13:06

O-M-J, I totally forgot about

13:08

that. Do you

13:09

remember about that? Is that the cheese one? Which

13:12

sounds mental. No!

13:13

I totally forgot about that.

13:15

I put it to the back of my brain. Me and Rox

13:17

hadn't been going out for that long, but

13:20

Rox used to enter all these like

13:22

competitions.

13:23

He's taking it seriously. I have, well!

13:25

No, this was, I mean, it was a weird circumstance.

13:28

So, Rox

13:28

always used to enter these competitions, right? I love

13:30

the competitions. Of like, on like London websites

13:32

for like, you know, experience nights out and things

13:34

like that. But we

13:35

couldn't afford to go anywhere, so, because we were living

13:37

in London and we had no running because we were working,

13:39

so I used to enter

13:40

every competition. Any sort of experience,

13:43

free meal, free bottle of wine, anything,

13:46

like Roxodetha. Yeah, just get an experience. Just to try

13:48

and get, me and Rox could have something to do. I remember

13:50

one Saturday night, Rox wanted a

13:53

cheese knife. So

13:54

you saw it was forza. Was it called forza?

13:57

It was like forza, Winnicott, and they did like

13:59

a cheese knife.

13:59

It was a cheese fondue night

14:02

is what it was. Fantastic it was. And it

14:04

was amazing but... It wasn't

14:06

on the way.

14:09

This is harrowing actually, I forgot

14:11

about this.

14:11

Me and Rox was basically getting a tube,

14:13

right? So it was crossing London, we were going from North

14:15

London to South London and we were sat side

14:18

by side on a tube

14:20

and a guy gets on and he sits opposite

14:22

me, right? And he's wearing all black, he's

14:24

got a hoodie on that's up, he's got

14:26

like a scarf. A scarf,

14:28

yeah. Covering like his

14:30

nose and mouth, right? So all you could see was his eyes. And

14:33

he sits down and he instantly, his

14:36

eyes are wide open and he's just staring

14:38

at me. I mean,

14:39

it was quite awkward, wasn't

14:42

it? It was actually

14:43

harrowing. We were just talking. We were talking,

14:45

yeah. And I just, like the door's open, I glanced, his bloke

14:47

sat opposite me and his eyes were wide open

14:49

and he was just staring at me. Yeah. And

14:52

the minute he just sat down, he looked at me and he went, what are you looking

14:54

at?

14:54

Yeah, he just wanted to fight.

14:56

He just wanted to kill someone. And I just

14:58

didn't say anything. I just,

15:00

I didn't say nothing. I just carried on talking

15:02

to Rock the Batcheese. He just talked to me about cheese.

15:05

So what sort of cheese they've got there? I

15:07

wonder if they've got cheddar. What, genuinely

15:10

was absolute. I was breaking it. To

15:13

be fair, it was scary but... It was a

15:15

big chap, right? Yeah, it was. Anyway,

15:18

so the tube takes off, we go

15:20

a few stops and he

15:23

stands up and he walks down the tube. He's

15:25

staring at you the whole time. He's bawling

15:27

me the whole time but he stands up and he walks down the tube

15:29

and he sits about, I don't know, like 20

15:32

seats down to the right.

15:34

So I'm thinking in my head, a few. He's

15:36

gone, right? So I sort of glanced down to see where he's

15:38

gone. Of course he does. And he's staring

15:40

at me from all the way down the carriage

15:43

and he comes running towards me and

15:45

I'm like, oh no.

15:46

At this point, I thought, that's it, he's dead. You're

15:48

dead, I'm dead. Like, this is it. He

15:50

sits back down. I'm dying on the way to a

15:52

cheese now. This

15:55

is not a joke. He sits down back opposite me

15:58

and gets a little flick knife out of his pocket. It's

16:01

like one of those silver ones where you press it and it's like...

16:03

It's not even funny. It's not even funny.

16:05

And he was that opposite, meaning he went, what did you say?

16:08

Oh, the knife. Oh, yeah. And

16:10

he's sitting there tapping the knife between

16:13

his hands, like eyeballing

16:15

me. And again, I didn't say

16:17

anything. Just kept talking to me

16:19

about a fondue. Oh, do

16:21

you think the sort of... Have those slices

16:24

of cheese that are like in burgers or... I

16:25

wonder if it's a big fondue.

16:27

Think there'd be crackers there as

16:29

well? You're not even

16:32

really into fondue.

16:33

I'd love it if there was a pickle, don't you? Maybe.

16:36

Cheese. I'm absolutely

16:38

terrified. At this point, I'm

16:40

about to cry because I think he's going to stab

16:43

him as the door's open. I can see the tears

16:45

welling up in Rox's eyes. I thought this is it.

16:47

I've

16:47

just found the love of my life and now he's going to die.

16:50

The train pulls, the tube, sorry, pulls

16:52

into a platform. And I

16:56

will never be more grateful. For

16:58

the fact that there was two coppers stood

17:00

on the platform. Transport place, wouldn't they?

17:02

Yeah, stood in those fluorescent yellow coats.

17:05

He sees them through the window

17:07

as the tubes come into a stop.

17:09

The minute the door's open, he bursts

17:11

out and takes off running down the platform.

17:13

Your luck, and that isn't a lie.

17:16

The luck of the transport place

17:19

that was there. Just being there, who knows what would have

17:21

happened? Yeah. That was

17:23

the closest

17:25

that I've ever gone. I'm dying tonight.

17:27

That's the hairiest moment

17:29

I ever had in London. Like people talk

17:32

about, you know...

17:33

Although

17:33

getting a coach to

17:36

football days away is

17:37

pretty scary. To go

17:39

through a derby day with the police. No,

17:41

coaches are great. Are you

17:43

actually... Football coaches are great.

17:45

Oh yeah, the armored tunnel

17:47

you have to walk through. The police

17:48

armored tunnel you have to walk through. A God

17:51

of honour. I'll never get

17:53

one of them

17:53

again. No, the transport

17:56

for London stuff. Oh, that

17:59

was harrowing.

17:59

I think that really scared

18:02

me actually. Yeah. Just thinking about it. That

18:04

was long before the kids. Yeah. We first started going out. I was

18:06

mad, wasn't it?

18:07

It's just,

18:08

it was one of those moments in time where you

18:10

think you got off and it was like sliding

18:12

doors, you know, that film where you get off and you go, this

18:15

could have been a whole different,

18:16

like life could have been so

18:19

different. You were

18:20

shaking. We shook the whole night. Didn't we? We

18:22

ended up eating too much cheese. And

18:25

then we felt sick didn't we? Cause we were so

18:27

scared.

18:27

And then we got a cabo because we was frightened of getting

18:29

the tube on. Yeah. Because it was such

18:31

a weird ordeal. Wasn't it? That happened.

18:33

It was. And it was so unnecessary. So

18:36

that, that was definitely, that was definitely my

18:38

scariest commute. Uh,

18:41

my funniest commute with you though, Rox. I

18:43

don't know if you're going to remember this commute. Okay.

18:46

This was me and you once got a coach

18:48

back from London to Nottingham. Was

18:50

coming to Nottingham for like the weekend. Oh

18:53

no. And I convinced

18:55

Rox it was going to get a coach because it was cheaper than getting

18:58

the train. The train was like, I don't know, but the

19:00

coach, I think was like 20 quid each. It was well cheap

19:02

back in the day to get a coach

19:03

fan. I'm sorry if you're offended, but

19:06

I don't do well on coaches. I get a bit

19:08

travel sick.

19:09

We turned up late, right? We're

19:11

running to get the coach. We turned

19:13

up the coaches packed, right? Like

19:15

heaving, sweaty hot. We

19:17

come up and he's like, Oh, you're the last two last

19:19

two seats. Right.

19:21

It's so busy that the toilet already

19:23

stinks.

19:24

That's the game

19:26

that I can give you. We

19:29

get on the toilet already stinks.

19:31

The

19:31

toilet already has that.

19:33

There's only one, there's

19:35

only one seats together and it's a back

19:38

row. Right. And there's three seats next to

19:40

the toilet. Yeah. In the third

19:42

seat

19:43

was a

19:45

man that had far

19:47

too much to drink and had

19:49

a, like a bottle of like, I don't

19:52

know, like one of those really strong like. Ciders.

19:54

Ciders. Yeah. Like. K side

19:57

or K. Like white lightning.

19:59

Yeah.

19:59

pan of it in his hand

20:01

as we sat down, Rock sat next to him within 20

20:04

minutes. 20 minutes. 20

20:07

minutes. He fell asleep

20:09

and pinged himself on a two and

20:12

a half hour coach. I'm

20:15

not. He wet himself after 20 minutes. Can

20:18

I just say, right, Mark's

20:20

helping now, but this is how

20:22

we lost two and a

20:24

half hours on the coach.

20:26

She kept saying, swap seats, swap seats. Yeah,

20:29

you're an absolute douchebag

20:31

and made me sit next

20:33

to P. Gay in the corner in

20:35

the corner of a coach.

20:38

He went so he's asleep as

20:40

well, passed out, doesn't even know

20:42

he's sort of ruined the area. And

20:45

just just just to clarify for everyone, the coach

20:47

didn't stop. The coach didn't. It doesn't

20:49

have a break because he had already had

20:51

one. Yeah, the toilet next

20:53

to me, one side is absolutely

20:56

stanking of someone's had a

20:58

go. Before they've even taken off. And then I've

21:00

got old man over here with a

21:02

side of a follow through and

21:04

wet himself. OK, Mark's laughing

21:07

to the other side. And now the travel

21:09

sick sets in. So as

21:12

you can imagine, that was

21:14

the ride of my life. It was. I'll

21:17

look back now. Oh, it's incredible.

21:19

I'm not a coach person. I refuse

21:22

to go back on a coach.

21:23

You're not coach, are you, Rock? I'm not coach.

21:25

You're not coach.

21:26

I'm not. I'm not ashamed of it. I can't handle

21:28

it. I don't know what everyone thinks

21:30

is OK to do that sort of thing in public

21:32

toilets around in a coach area.

21:35

Do you know what I mean?

21:36

I mean, I was just cried laughing.

21:38

I was once on a football coach that didn't

21:41

have a toilet. Oh, no. And

21:44

somebody

21:46

bought on like a giant plastic

21:48

barrel.

21:50

Sorry, what? Like it's

21:52

hard to explain what normal

21:55

is, you know, like a beer barrel that like you get lager

21:57

in like a giant one. They they bought on

21:59

a plastic.

21:59

one that was enormous.

22:03

And you were weed in it.

22:07

Stop it! Is

22:08

that true? It was left by

22:11

the fire door because there was no toilet. It was left by

22:13

the fire door. A new

22:15

weed in it.

22:18

And that is the standard that

22:20

I actually live with. OK? In my

22:22

20s. As you can

22:24

imagine now, it's changed. He

22:28

goes to football.

22:29

He does his thing. I can't handle

22:31

that.

22:32

You weed in a barrel?

22:34

I mean, I have trouble weeding in a pool alone.

22:36

It was an away day. Let alone an away day, yeah.

22:39

It was

22:39

an away day. Everyone had beers on the... Who emptied

22:42

the barrel? I didn't ask. I didn't

22:44

worry about that.

22:46

Let's move on.

22:47

I'll feel sick in the old mouth. If

22:49

you have got a story about your commuting days, do

22:52

please get in touch on Ladbabypodcast.com.

22:55

Have you seen anything on a commute? Anything

22:57

incredible? Have you saved a life on a commute?

23:00

Have you saved a life or anything

23:02

else on it? Have you ever had a burger sauce shot on

23:05

a train? Let us know on Ladbabypodcast.com.

23:11

Do

23:13

you have a dilemma? Do

23:15

you need some help in life? Fail!

23:19

A dilemma. Oh,

23:21

this week we've got a dilemma mark. And

23:24

I feel like this might be one for you because

23:27

it might hit home a bit. Oh. Hi,

23:29

Mark and Rox. I hope you both well and I love

23:31

the podcast. Thank you. Your recent talk of

23:33

school days has reflected on my situation.

23:36

I'm currently going through and I'd love to ask

23:38

your advice.

23:39

Can I say by the way, before you carry on, so

23:41

everyone that's emailed in saying about

23:44

the bullying that they received as kids and

23:46

the bullying they've had in life. Yeah.

23:49

So many emails. Thank you so much for people

23:51

sending you stories and saying that me

23:53

talking about it helped. So,

23:55

yeah, I just want to say thanks.

23:56

I'm glad it's helped some people. Throughout

23:59

secondary school, was bullied by one particular

24:01

girl. It was hell. She would beat

24:03

me up most days after school when walking

24:06

home,

24:06

would call me names and would spread rumours

24:09

about me throughout the school.

24:11

The school never did much about it as

24:14

it mostly happened towards the end of the day

24:17

or outside. When asked by my teacher

24:19

why she was picking on me, she just shrugged her

24:22

shoulders and said it was funny.

24:23

Oh, that's disgusting.

24:26

In the

24:26

end it left me feeling suicidal

24:29

and a shell of myself and it wasn't

24:31

until I left school and finally

24:34

my town at 18 I got to go

24:36

to university and she stopped. I

24:38

mean that, please anyone

24:40

doing that to someone stop it.

24:43

Now I'm in my mid 30s and

24:45

I feel so much happier and confident in

24:47

myself. I'm glad and I

24:49

work and live in the city not far from

24:51

our childhood town. I've been at my job

24:54

for three years and love it apart from the fact

24:57

that my childhood bully has recently

25:00

been recruited onto

25:01

another day and

25:03

is now in my office.

25:07

I'm keeping my distance and she hasn't said

25:09

anything mean to me but will look

25:11

over at me a lot and try and sit near me if I'm

25:14

in the canteen usually two or three seats

25:17

away. She said hello to me the other day

25:19

in the hall and I'll admit it I just ignored

25:21

her. A part of me thinks we're adults

25:23

now and she'd let it go and I should speak

25:25

to her politely but other parts

25:27

of me hate the thought

25:30

that having to be polite to someone who made my

25:32

life an absolute misery for many years

25:34

and let her feel forgiveness.

25:37

Luckily we don't work in teams together but

25:39

it's a bit awkward

25:40

for us both. I'd love to ask

25:42

your advice. Thank you Jess. Well

25:44

Jess

25:46

thank you for being so brave and telling us your story

25:48

and I can honestly say that is one

25:51

dialer dilemma that is a dilemma

25:53

that I've had to think long

25:55

and hard about because I feel

25:58

like as a parent I've been. You

26:00

know, it's very very hard knowing your children

26:03

or getting bullied or even being bullied ourselves how

26:06

hard it is to get through that and

26:09

but Also,

26:11

you know now and yeah

26:14

Now and you know, you don't

26:16

want to hold on to that grudge because only you

26:18

she obviously just get on with her life It's only

26:20

you that you know had to change

26:23

your life of that My thing so

26:25

I thought about this and I have this moral dilemma

26:28

where I'm like, oh sorta

26:30

but at the same time I

26:33

Wasn't the same person that I was in my 20s

26:36

even my teens. Yeah I

26:38

I was bullied by a few girls at school.

26:41

Yeah, who I then went on to be quite

26:43

good friends with

26:44

and I

26:47

sort of let it go and it actually shaped

26:49

me to be who I am now and got me where I

26:51

am now All right,

26:53

I struggle with you making friends with

26:55

her but what I would do is set

26:57

a boundary so I if you've got a work

26:59

in these teams or whatever and She's

27:02

an adult now. She's trying to sit next

27:04

to you because I bet you a fiver.

27:07

She feels guilt She knows

27:09

what she did. Yeah, he knows who

27:11

you are Yeah, and she's probably trying to be

27:13

friends with you to make you forgive her

27:16

and feel you know I'm gonna give her

27:18

forgiveness for her own guilt. Yeah,

27:20

personally, I would I would just stay

27:23

away But be

27:26

hello Yeah, no,

27:28

I would be very sort of drawn from

27:30

it, but I wouldn't I wouldn't make friends with her I

27:32

wouldn't be best friends of her. I wouldn't really think she's

27:35

an acquaintance you work with her be

27:37

professional in my opinion

27:40

But don't be her friends don't cross that boundary

27:42

for now,

27:43

but you never know you never know you might

27:45

get forgiveness She might say sorry, you know,

27:48

maybe you call her out and go you've

27:50

ruined my life. You made me suicidal Do

27:52

you know what that did?

27:53

Yeah,

27:54

she don't know where that girl learnt that

27:56

where did the girl learn it from her parents?

27:59

You just don't know in life and I don't

28:01

want you to feel any worse or anything

28:03

but and I'm not a professional at all so

28:05

don't you know if you were suicidal and stuff that's

28:07

you know what if it happened to me

28:10

well do you know what I'd do what would you do won't

28:12

go anywhere near them

28:13

forget that no not a chance if

28:16

somebody made me feel that bad

28:18

where I felt suicidal

28:20

they're dead to me

28:21

yeah oh I'm sorry which is like

28:24

what life now like if if you

28:26

bump into someone who bullied you or whatever oh

28:28

I don't ignore them you know I

28:31

live in the city where I grew up and I see

28:33

people all the time that I went to school with and I

28:36

ignore them people come up to me and say hello

28:39

and whatnot I ignore them I don't want anything

28:41

to do with these people

28:42

yeah you know

28:43

mark is actually really happy yeah

28:46

yeah and you know what

28:48

it might be that they want forgiveness

28:50

or maybe I would feel better you know what no I

28:52

can't I don't want I don't want anything

28:54

to do with these people

28:55

if you don't want to and don't

28:57

feel pressure from her feeling guilty just

28:59

trying to you know I'm trying to think about it like there's

29:02

there's there's one kid in particular I've never

29:04

seen since I left school I remember he on

29:07

a football field spat in my face

29:10

spat in my face on a football field

29:12

like came up to me flamed in my face

29:14

I ran a fluff in oh my god

29:17

and the sort of him coming up

29:19

to me today or working in the same place

29:22

as me or whatever I would have nothing to do with

29:24

that person

29:25

right well I don't know if that's me holding

29:27

on to a vendetta and holding on to no you've moved

29:30

on you don't have to be friends I don't want to be friends

29:32

with them if it was me what was I don't know if

29:34

the person said their name if it was me I'd stay away from

29:36

them I wouldn't have anything to do with them

29:38

Jess I would

29:39

you know what I wouldn't forget what

29:42

they'd done to me I'd be happy that you know what I'm

29:44

in a better place now I'm happy with my

29:46

life but I don't want a minute

29:47

but and also try not to let it

29:50

bring that trauma from that time so

29:52

it's all about surrounding yourself with

29:55

people that you do love at work and don't

29:57

be rude don't be obnoxious

29:59

Don't give her what they want,

30:02

but keep your way. Just keep...

30:04

you're there to do a job. You're not there to make

30:06

a

30:06

living. Yeah, nothing to do with you.

30:08

Yeah. I'm with Mark on this.

30:11

Sod her. Ha ha ha ha ha

30:13

ha! If she made you feel that bad,

30:16

you don't need that bad energy in your life. I'm

30:18

all about good energy surrounding you.

30:21

Block it out, carry on, move

30:23

your way up, become her boss, and then fire

30:25

her. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! If

30:28

you have got a dilemma that you want me and Rox to talk

30:30

about, ladbabypodcast at

30:32

gmail.com. Love it. Fire her. Fire

30:35

her. Get her out of there. It's illegal, so don't.

30:38

Don't take my word. Ladies

30:40

and gentlemen, this is

30:43

your Date Night Diaries.

30:45

Woo! Ah! Date

30:48

night! Date Night Diaries.

30:51

Right, I've got one in this week that

30:53

I think is going to be potentially

30:56

something that a lot of people can relate to,

30:58

Roxanne. Oh! I think this might

31:00

be a date night dilemma that a lot of people

31:02

have faced. Oh, go

31:05

on. Dear Mark and Rox, loving

31:07

the podcast so far. Thank

31:10

you. Here's my date night disaster.

31:12

Not a diary, a disaster.

31:15

Oh, no. Let me take you back to Valentine's Day 2020.

31:18

Oh. Me and my

31:19

partner decided to go to one

31:21

of our local pubs for some food. Lovely.

31:23

The food was lovely, and we was having a great time

31:26

until my partner had a little bit

31:28

too much to drink and got a bit drunk. It

31:30

was a stumbly walk home, but we

31:32

made it back in one piece.

31:34

This is where the disaster strikes.

31:37

Oh, no. Oh.

31:39

I put my partner to bed so he could

31:41

sleep off some of the drink. But

31:44

at about 4am, I

31:46

was awoken to the sound of

31:49

running water, rain.

31:52

I didn't know what was wrong.

31:54

I turned on the bedroom light to see my partner

31:56

stood in

31:58

the corner of the room.

32:00

doing

32:00

what?

32:02

Weighing into the corner.

32:03

Oh no! They

32:06

went there. In the corner.

32:08

It was weighing all over the

32:10

bedroom carpet floor. Side

32:14

note,

32:15

I was living with my parents at the time. Oh!

32:21

After he finished doing his business

32:23

he pulled up his boxers

32:25

and passed back out onto the bed leaving me

32:27

to clean up the mess. The following

32:29

morning I asked him about it and he doesn't

32:31

remember a thing.

32:33

I bet he don't. I

32:34

pulled

32:36

that one too if someone had to clear

32:38

up my wee. Oh no!

32:40

I mean this sounds quite common thing

32:42

though if people are out drinking or you're sleepwalking

32:45

or you think you're at the toilet and you're dreaming that you're

32:47

on. I

32:47

feel like this happens a lot. I hear a lot of people

32:49

saying that they weed

32:52

into wardrobes things like that.

32:53

Then your mate weaned a chest of drawers.

32:55

I

32:58

remember you telling me this. Oh no! No

33:04

he didn't wean into it. It's worse. What?

33:06

One of my mates

33:09

had had a few to drink and in the middle

33:11

of the night doesn't remember

33:13

doing this but he had like a bedside

33:16

cabinet with three drawers and

33:19

apparently he opened the top drawer

33:22

and puked into it. Oh no!

33:25

Efficient though at least

33:27

not on the floor. Well

33:28

he knew because when he woke

33:31

up absolutely hanging

33:33

he opened his eyes and wondered why the room smelled

33:36

as sick and couldn't find it and

33:38

was like absolutely hungover searching

33:40

for it. Yeah ended up opening

33:42

the top drawer. It was just full

33:44

of sick. Yeah but it seeped through into

33:47

all the two drawers beneath. That's

33:49

not good for the wood. That was seeped

33:52

through that wood and what was in it? Oh

33:54

no! I thought it was wee

33:56

sorry but that's worse. That's worse. Although

33:59

I have

33:59

become desensitized to it. When you

34:02

have kids you become a bit desensitized

34:04

to wee and

34:04

poo and shit. But if I was weeing in the side

34:06

of our bedroom, what would you do? If

34:09

you were asleep and like if you were just doing

34:11

it like oh you're alright love, I'm just having a wee, I'd

34:13

be like, you're despicable, despicable.

34:17

But you can't, like

34:18

if you're sleepwalking or something. Is he sleepwalking

34:21

though, he's drunk. No,

34:21

if you're drunk, no, you should know better

34:24

but you shouldn't get that drunk where you don't know

34:26

where you are. I feel like I'm

34:28

being a judgment here but I would

34:31

be annoyed if you wee'd in the corner

34:33

and I had to sleep all night. We've all

34:35

done it where we've had too much to drink and you don't quite

34:37

remember. I've not wee'd in the corner of my bedroom.

34:39

I've never either. No, I haven't.

34:41

I've always made the toilet.

34:44

Yeah, I've always made

34:46

a toilet or a bath. Yeah,

34:49

I've never, no.

34:51

Do you know what I mean? Like I've always made

34:53

it. I mean I might have had a little wee on the way

34:55

home before.

34:57

Yeah, but you're not doing it on fabric

34:59

or a wall, you know, or your mum's

35:01

wallpaper are you? I've never done it on the bedroom

35:04

carpet. I

35:04

bet a lot of people have though.

35:06

I want to know how many people

35:08

have because I guarantee there

35:10

is a lot. I hear this is a common

35:12

one. Are

35:13

we a lot laughing? You know, you can't help

35:15

that sometimes.

35:15

If you or your partner have

35:18

ever wee'd in the corner, is it being into

35:20

a wardrobe, into a suitcase, up

35:22

the wall? What's

35:23

the worst thing you've wee'd in? What's

35:24

the worst thing after a few

35:26

drinks? Date Night Diaries, Ladbabypodcast

35:29

at Gmail.com. I think

35:31

there's going to be some good ones out there. I reckon

35:34

there is.

35:36

Confessions of a housekeeper.

35:44

Talking of some good ones

35:45

out there. Here we go. We

35:48

all

35:51

just need to brace ourselves before today.

35:53

Why? Please, no.

35:55

Do you know what, can I just say one thing

35:57

actually? I'm going to have a little drink because I just need

35:59

to...

35:59

People have been sending me a portable

36:02

kettle that you can pack in your suitcase.

36:05

I see. I've been incredible. It's

36:07

flat packed. Yeah.

36:08

So if anyone doesn't want a kettle to

36:10

go on their hotel holiday, there's

36:13

one on like, get it. Honestly.

36:15

For the kettle stories. After

36:18

today, you're going to need to pack more than a kettle.

36:20

Why? What else can there be other

36:22

than a kettle, ice tongs and

36:24

a... Bed sheet.

36:26

Bed sheet, what? There is... After

36:29

this story, guys, there's going to be something else

36:31

you can't touch in a hotel room.

36:36

I'm already... I'm sad for my loss. Go on.

36:38

Is it bad?

36:39

This is... I... You look horrified.

36:42

This is a bad one. Is it? I

36:44

think this is a bad one.

36:46

What are they messaging? Dear

36:48

Mark and Rox,

36:49

love, love, love the

36:51

podcast.

36:53

Keep it coming.

36:56

Confessions of a housekeeper

36:58

slash hotel guest in

37:00

my case. Oh my goodness. Please

37:03

keep me anonymous.

37:04

You know it's good when I'm asking for anonymous

37:07

off-front. That

37:10

is bad, love. You think kettles and

37:12

ice tongs are bad.

37:13

How about this?

37:16

Me and my partner were still in the early stages

37:19

of our relationship when we decided

37:21

to go on our first holiday abroad together.

37:24

Right. You know what it's like?

37:26

Cheap hotel, first real

37:29

time alone together,

37:30

so you're having lots and lots

37:33

of sexy time. Fine. Okay.

37:37

Okay. First holiday away. They're enjoying themselves

37:39

as a young couple. Enjoy themselves.

37:40

Nothing wrong with that.

37:42

So,

37:43

one time we was enjoying ourselves

37:46

on the hotel sofa

37:49

and my partner was doing something that felt very,

37:51

very nice.

37:53

Right. But I had no idea

37:56

what he was actually doing.

37:58

Oh,

37:59

and there it is.

37:59

is

38:00

and there

38:01

it is.

38:03

What? When we had finished I sat

38:05

up on the sofa and saw

38:08

him placing the

38:10

TV remote

38:12

onto the coffee table. No!

38:17

No! No! Stop

38:20

it! It was quite a slim remote with

38:23

a

38:23

narrowing

38:25

at the top.

38:27

I was stunned but it did

38:29

make me giggle.

38:31

Don't worry I did give it a little wipe down later

38:34

but he said leave it.

38:36

He found the idea of someone else using the remote

38:38

a couple of days later quite a turn on.

38:41

You've been making the video!

38:43

Pick up! That's

38:50

not... TV remotes! Sorry! TV

38:53

remotes! People! A TV

38:56

remote

38:56

rocks! Mate!

38:59

I can't cope!

39:01

I've got goosebumps just on the floor

39:03

of it.

39:04

Oh, I'm not a bleach. Do

39:06

you know what? That's it! That's

39:08

it! I'm buying

39:10

a pair of evidence gloves. No latex

39:12

gloves. I'm buying a box of 500 for Madison.

39:15

I'm getting them sent. When now I go

39:17

to hotel rooms it's going to be like a crime

39:19

scene. Putting

39:22

my gloves on. Gonna have me pop ball

39:24

kettle. Gonna have the ice tongs on. I

39:26

just can't even cope with this. I can't cope

39:29

with a TV remote. I've got a joke

39:30

in my head as well. I

39:32

bet he knew how to push air buttons.

39:33

What the hell? Why

39:36

am I making a joke about saying it made me sick?

39:39

Again! That's just another

39:41

love life on standby.

39:43

Sounds like he was in control. Why

39:49

are we... Oh, it's

39:51

just incredible! I'm gonna say

39:53

shame on you. TV remote! Oh, I

39:56

bet people do.

39:59

do that because it's the shape of it, isn't it?

40:01

No, don't! The Skyrimites!

40:03

No, don't! What do you

40:05

mean the shape of Skyrimites? Pretty small,

40:08

isn't it? We're

40:12

going to hell! This

40:14

is so weird and wrong. And I just don't...

40:17

This is the only time I've ever been involved with

40:19

anything with hotel equipment, they say.

40:22

And I'm now grown up

40:24

and after hearing of lots of your hotel

40:26

confessions on the podcast, I think in

40:28

future I'll be taking rubber gloves and a bottle of bleach

40:31

with me on every hotel. Yeah,

40:32

we will, all because of you. TV

40:34

remote

40:34

life over there. Yeah, thanks,

40:37

you've ruined everyone's day. Oh,

40:39

I won't go near a remote again.

40:42

A remote?

40:43

A remote, Rox? I know.

40:46

I've got so many questions that I'm just going to

40:48

put to the back of my brain, OK?

40:54

Oh,

40:54

that needs to

40:56

take a minute.

40:57

Let's all take a collective minute. I shouldn't judge people, but I can't.

40:59

It's a communal remote. Do you know?

41:01

Do you know?

41:01

If you have got anything else that you would like... Take

41:03

this to yourself, all right? This section's cancelled. No more.

41:06

...that

41:06

you would like to

41:09

take out of bounds at a hotel,

41:11

please do get in touch. I'm

41:19

trying to think what else. You know

41:21

what? I didn't even think of a remote.

41:24

It wasn't something that was even on my radar.

41:26

I'm going to have some fun

41:28

with that.

41:28

It's

41:30

not something that was even on my radar. No,

41:32

it's something wrong. Maybe I'm just not that... I don't

41:34

know. Just not in a hotel room.

41:36

Not like pure falling.

41:37

If you have got any

41:39

stories, do please get in touch.

41:42

Ladbabypodcast.gmail.com. That was too far. Oh,

41:44

it was live, Rosie.

41:45

Hold on, hold on. I'm so drunk.

41:47

You're just so mad. Look at me. I'm so

41:50

drunk. I'm so drunk.

41:51

Oh, it was live. Hold on, hold

41:54

on. I'm so drunk. You're just so mad. Look

41:56

at me. Oh, it's all right. I'm just a

41:58

bit drunk with eyes. I'm gonna play

42:00

the jingle. Are you ready to go? Yeah.

42:03

Yeah,

42:03

I'm ready. You're taking the wheel? Rewind.

42:05

Rewind!

42:09

It's One Line Wonders!

42:13

A whole story

42:14

in a sentence.

42:16

Oh. We're

42:18

actually still getting over it. Oh,

42:21

sorry. One Line Wonders, this is,

42:24

uh, the section of the show where you send us something

42:26

that has made us laugh. It's your trouble, Simon. Made

42:29

us laugh in one line.

42:31

So this is from Molly, who

42:33

lives in Nottingham! Molly! Her

42:38

story is, my grandad was at

42:40

a funeral and during a moment of

42:42

silence his phone started ringing. Oh

42:45

dear.

42:45

The ringtone was Imagine by John Lennon,

42:48

which as I'm sure you know, the words

42:50

are,

42:51

Imagine there's no heaven.

42:54

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! My

42:58

grandad couldn't stop the phone ringing and

43:00

had to walk out of the funeral. Ha

43:02

ha ha ha! Ha ha

43:04

ha ha ha ha ha! Ha

43:06

ha ha ha! He's laughing!

43:08

He's laughing at the funeral! How

43:11

good! Imagine there's no heaven!

43:13

I mean,

43:15

it's sick, really, we shouldn't laugh, but

43:17

it is funny. Imagine that going off. I mean,

43:19

it's a sign.

43:20

It's

43:23

a sign that they're not going the way you want. Ha

43:25

ha ha

43:26

ha! I love that he just was like, I'll leave

43:28

now. I'll

43:28

leave. He couldn't stop it, he just walked straight out. John

43:31

Lennon spoken! I'm out! I'm out!

43:34

Molly! Thank you! Thank

43:36

you for your one line wonders. If

43:38

you have got a one line wonder that you want to send to

43:41

us, a whole story in a sentence, ladbabypodcast

43:44

at gmail.com Ha

43:46

ha! I love that! Living

43:50

with a... Savage! We're

43:53

back mate! He's back from

43:55

out of space! Just

43:57

got to find you here with a sad...

43:59

look upon your face. I don't know

44:02

what's happening but we are back. We are back where it needs

44:04

to be. Guys this is a section of the show where we

44:06

talk about the things that Roxanne can't talk properly and

44:11

I know we've been taking this in turns sometimes

44:13

living with an order but last week was

44:16

that one of those times living with an order. Roxanne

44:19

thought she was packing some heat when

44:21

she came at me with half. I did come

44:23

at you with half and you've

44:25

used my full name in this.

44:26

Roxanne! I have had

44:28

an email. I've had an email

44:31

from a teacher.

44:33

Is it a professor? Is it someone

44:35

with a degree? Helen Helen

44:39

Helen. Oh Helen. As email do.

44:41

Come on pray detail. As

44:43

a school teacher I have to tell

44:46

you

44:46

so this is last week's word. Helen about to ruin my life.

44:49

Half

44:50

is actually pronounced

44:53

with an R.

44:54

That's not spelt with it is

44:56

it? It's not a north versus south thing.

44:58

When you sound

45:00

it phonetically

45:02

you sound the H and an AL

45:05

together. Half. The AL

45:08

is a diagraph and

45:11

it's pronounced AR. That's

45:13

laugh. That's

45:14

luff.

45:15

No an AL

45:19

is pronounced AR

45:21

in certain words such as calf,

45:24

calm, palm,

45:26

balm. She

45:28

sounds like a carrom.

45:32

All right. We're grabbing off last

45:34

week.

45:34

I let you have it teacher face

45:36

over there.

45:37

Thank you Helen. Thank

45:39

you Helen. Thank you very much Helen. I love you. All

45:42

the love goes to you this week.

45:45

Thanks Helen for showing

45:47

me up. Back to living with a Southerner. We're going

45:49

to use a word that Roxanne used only

45:52

last night. When

45:54

we was sitting down to watch a film

45:56

and

45:57

it was an end of the world type film. Yeah.

45:59

Roxanne Walter went, oh, I love

46:02

a good disaster film.

46:04

Do you love a disaster, Matt? Disaster.

46:07

No. A disaster. A disaster.

46:10

There's no R in disaster. Yeah,

46:12

but it sounds better. D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R,

46:16

disaster. It's

46:20

a disaster. You sound like Gollum. Disaster.

46:23

No. No, disaster. No, no,

46:25

no, no, no. Disaster

46:27

puts the power and the weight in

46:29

the gravity of what's happening. It doesn't,

46:32

it doesn't, you sound like it's- Oh, disaster.

46:34

Does that disaster sounds like,

46:37

oh, oh, you're never going to believe that the disaster,

46:39

I went to Waitrose earlier and I was completely out

46:41

of quail eggs. Oh,

46:44

the avocados were not even ripe.

46:47

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You

46:49

can't be angry. There it is. You can't

46:51

be angry about the disaster. No,

46:54

no, no, no, no, no, no. I love a disaster movie.

46:58

I'm going to start talking like that just to annoy

47:00

you. I

47:02

went to the supermarket earlier, down there

47:05

in Waitrose, and there was a complete fallout

47:07

of mozzarella. There

47:10

was no mozzarella, it's a disaster.

47:13

No. Now that is a disaster. No,

47:15

it's disaster. There's

47:18

a disaster happening. A

47:21

state with anger.

47:22

Why are you so aggressive

47:24

about it? You

47:24

can't say disaster with anger. Say

47:26

disaster with anger. Disaster.

47:29

No, you can't, you think? Disaster. disaster.

47:31

disaster. disaster. disaster.

47:34

disaster. disaster.

47:36

If I was seen. disaster. If

47:38

I was seen, right. An absolute disaster.

47:41

If I was seen in a restaurant having to eat and

47:44

somebody burst in and went, oh my goodness,

47:46

guys, there's a disaster outside. It

47:50

wouldn't terrify me as much if somebody

47:52

burst in and went, guys, this is a disaster.

47:54

Yeah, but if anything, it's less

47:56

panicking. So you'll finish

47:59

your steak. and then you'll leave. You won't

48:01

panic and run and get trampled. This is a disaster,

48:04

I need to run. Yeah, but you don't need to

48:06

panic in a disaster, you need to remain

48:08

calm and find an exit. The gravity of

48:10

the situation is being lessened by the pronunciation.

48:13

If it's a disaster, you're

48:16

not going to have a good day, alright?

48:18

So, there's no point. The way you

48:20

say it don't matter because it

48:22

never ends well. Do you know what I mean?

48:25

No. I think we agreed to disagree that way. No, we don't disagree

48:27

to disagree. This is a disaster. This

48:30

is a disaster darling. A

48:32

complete disaster. Hee

48:34

hee! This is the

48:37

last time I've had quail eggs from wet

48:39

rods. I like quail eggs.

48:41

It's one thing that's quail eggs. I

48:44

don't know. It just sounds like some posh to me. Name

48:49

that sound. It's the hardest quiz

48:51

in the world. I know. Mate,

48:54

I went in this

48:55

week, didn't I? This... where

48:57

was it? I think I got it right this week. This is last

48:59

week's sound. Yeah,

49:03

straight up bat in a cave, that. Bat

49:06

in a cave or mouse in a cave. Rats.

49:09

Rats in a

49:09

cave. What? I can see you bit of paper. My

49:12

paper says bats. Cut covered in Pepsi. Bats

49:14

in cave. Bat in cave. Bats

49:17

in cave. Sounds like

49:19

a little, you know, I

49:21

don't know what they're called. A muggle of bats?

49:23

A haggle of bats? I can confirm

49:26

you wasn't the only one that thought it was bats

49:28

in cave. Lots of people

49:30

thought it was bats in cave. Well,

49:31

I would have thought with, you know, autumn round the corner

49:33

mark and Halloween not far off, you've gone for

49:36

a bat stand. You'd be wrong.

49:37

Oh, what is it then?

49:39

Is

49:39

it a rat? As a few people suggested,

49:42

it

49:43

was a rat. Oh!

49:45

And it's not in a cave. Is it on the tube? It's

49:48

in a sewer.

49:49

Oh. Rat in a sewer.

49:52

Rat in a sewer. Yeah.

49:56

Sounds like confessional of a housekeeper,

49:58

that, doesn't

49:59

it, eh?

49:59

That

50:01

does not sound like ratting a

50:03

sewer. Not that I've been in a sewer

50:05

but I'm sure in a disaster

50:07

moment. That's what it sounds

50:10

like. Somebody just dropped my BMW

50:12

kids down that sewer.

50:14

I don't have a BMW! Why are

50:16

you

50:16

chatting? Right,

50:19

here's this week's sound. You ready? Go

50:22

on. What the

50:23

f***ing?

50:26

Sounds like me waking up at the weekend.

50:29

I love that! What

50:33

is that? That

50:35

sounds like a goblin, doesn't it? I don't know. I'm

50:37

not here to help you. Are

50:39

you choking on my pumpkin spice

50:42

latte? Oh!

50:44

It's

50:46

quick.

50:52

Do

50:53

you remember Gremlins from

50:55

the 80s, 90s? The film, yeah, yeah. That

50:57

sounds like little Gizmo, the gremlin. I'm

50:59

gonna go gremlin! She's

51:00

gone for gremlin! I've

51:03

gone there. I've gone back to the

51:05

80s, mate.

51:05

She's gone for a gremlin.

51:07

Gremlin. I'm gonna

51:09

go, it's the evil one with the red eyes.

51:12

Red-eyed gremlin.

51:14

Stripe, when he called?

51:15

What?

51:16

Stripe, I think. Yeah, well, the nice fluffy one was

51:18

Gizmo. Gizmo.

51:18

I think the one with Stripe, I think. Good

51:21

remembering, Mark. Thank you, madam, I might be

51:23

wrong. There

51:26

you go. Let us know, guys. LoveEveryPodcast.gmail.com.

51:29

I'll be honest, that does sound like when you wake me up and I'm... What

51:32

day is it? What's

51:36

the weather gonna be like? What a cough I have. I

51:39

don't sound like that. You make me sound like

51:41

a disaster. The first

51:44

thing, every morning, you go, what's the weather

51:46

gonna be like? I have to, you have to... Why do I know?

51:48

Why aren't you weatherman?

51:49

I wake my eyes up, you

51:51

say, Roxanne, tell me the time, and

51:53

then I say, what's the weather gonna be

51:56

today?

51:56

How am I meant to know? I have to know this to know

51:58

how to dress. I know to know

52:00

if they're later in... Not my response to it, right anyway. From

52:02

wearing jeans or a dress. Guys, thank you

52:04

everybody for joining us this

52:06

week. It's in Portland in the UK, you

52:08

know that. I'm just going to start this one.

52:12

Everybody, have a great week.

52:14

We love you. Thank you for listening.

52:16

Let's go!

52:30

I've been

52:33

holding a weekend for the

52:36

last 90 days. I've

52:42

been holding a weekend for

52:44

the last 90 days. I

52:50

need it for sense, oh, need

52:52

people's words. I've

52:57

been living a high turn,

53:00

a high turn, moving

53:02

in my head. I've

53:13

been holding a weekend for the last 90 days.

53:16

I've been holding a weekend for the

53:18

last 90 days. I've

53:21

been holding a weekend

53:25

for the last 90 days. I need

53:29

people's words that I've been holding

53:31

in my head. I've

53:37

been holding a weekend for the last 90

53:39

days. I've

53:45

been holding a weekend

53:47

for the last 90 days. I've

53:50

been holding a weekend for

53:52

the last 90

53:55

days. Be

54:00

still,. We'll

54:04

see, we'll

54:09

see. Be some

54:12

right now. We'll

54:30

see you next time.