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your podcasts. All

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right, 25 male, have a hard time finding girls

0:29

to date because I want them to like the

0:31

Legend of Zelda. It's a

0:34

requirement. This comes from Feeling

0:36

Worse Zelda. I mean,

0:38

hear me out. So if

0:40

you love Legend of Zelda, Hear me out. Are you

0:42

giving your sister to this guy? You're like, hey, she's

0:44

on board. So if you love Legend of Zelda, she

0:46

plays it. I got her Breath of the Wild recently.

0:49

If a guy came up to you and was like, hey,

0:51

I only will talk to a woman

0:53

who loves Legend of Zelda. Otherwise, seems

0:56

like a great guy for Sophia. Would you

0:58

introduce? Yeah, why not? I

1:00

don't know. It's kind of crazy. I don't

1:02

know. Girls, hey, girls, be like, here's the beat.

1:05

This is not you girls. This is not you

1:07

women. Other girls. The other ones will be like,

1:09

here's the beat. Six feet tall

1:12

and have a 125K a year and others.

1:17

Bro, just want some girl that enjoys Legend of

1:19

Zelda. Is that too hard to ask

1:21

for? Yeah, girls want people part of the

1:23

666 club, you know, come on. Six

1:27

foot six inches, six figures. Dang.

1:30

The 666 minimum. Oh,

1:33

I thought it was six foot six

1:35

pack and six figures. That's

1:37

that's the clean version. Anyways,

1:40

let's see. Let's see. That's the church version. Let's

1:42

see if OP is a member. Hi, everyone.

1:44

This might seem like a deja vu to you, but

1:47

that's because I made a thread about some month ago

1:49

on something very similar to this. But I

1:51

forgot to throw away. What?

1:55

So he put on his personal account. God,

1:58

I love it. Oh, that's true. Doxing himself. But

2:00

basically I'm creating this thread because things

2:02

have gone worse, because

2:04

things have gone for the worse and I really

2:06

badly need advice. So basically, I

2:09

seem to only be attracted to girls

2:11

who are obsessed with the legend of

2:13

Zelda like me. A few

2:15

weeks ago, I met this girl in my class who was

2:17

very sweet and quite honestly, I feel like

2:19

I might have a shower with her if I put in

2:21

some effort and at first I felt like going for it. However,

2:25

my brain came to its senses and figured

2:27

that since she didn't like Zelda, then she's

2:29

no good. What's the point? That

2:31

is verbatim. And I am

2:33

honestly really sad by this. You should be sad by

2:35

what an idiot you are. I

2:38

know I make a big deal out of- What are

2:40

they gonna do together if they can't do legend of

2:42

Zelda? Yeah. What

2:44

do you think? Can't do each other. No.

2:46

These guys mount on one thing. I

2:48

know I make a big deal out of mentioning

2:50

Zelda, but I think in general the problem here

2:53

is a bigger underlying problem. I

2:55

am part of a minority since my parents

2:57

are immigrants in this country and for a

2:59

few years I've only gone for girls who

3:01

are culturally similar to me. I

3:03

think girls who grew up with the same culture

3:05

and traditions as me. This was

3:08

a big deal to me and I refuse to date outside

3:10

of my culture. This was by

3:12

the way completely my desire. My parents never pressured

3:14

me into this. I feel like

3:16

it was part of my identity crisis

3:18

that many immigrant kids go through going

3:21

up. It was very different where it's

3:23

like hey I will have so much

3:25

in common with this group of people.

3:27

I can see- Dude it's like a niche

3:29

within a niche though. Like I'm probably gonna

3:31

date within my cultural background and then of

3:34

those people I'm only gonna date people besides

3:36

the legend of Zelda. A

3:38

niche of a minority group. Oh

3:42

my god. Well I've dated a

3:44

few girls who were culturally compatible

3:46

with me and like legend of Zelda.

3:49

However. Dude

3:52

you're fine. Thanks they're bad. And in

3:54

general I stopped caring for my parents

3:56

culture so I decided that I no

3:58

longer wanted to date- From my

4:00

parents culture God

4:03

however, he's gonna choose the things that

4:05

matter. Yeah Legend

4:08

of a freaking Zelda actually

4:10

the she even ocarina dude.

4:12

What my god. That's

4:14

the thing Yep, a little pan flute thing.

4:16

Oh, I even play bro. I don't

4:18

are you uh Wow millennial?

4:21

No Millennial.

4:24

Yep. I you know he hasn't been a

4:26

hundred percent certified We can't

4:28

be sure right? I actually think I

4:30

would probably score lower because I grew

4:33

up without TV and video games grew

4:36

up as a millennial You're

4:38

saying you grew up about technology and

4:40

a Gen Z body. Yo, I'm basically

4:43

homage dude we'll

4:45

see hold on we'll let we have a

4:47

millennial and a Gen Z body in a

4:51

Gen Z in a Millennials

4:53

body. Yeah I think so

4:55

somehow I still get I

4:58

thought I had it but anyways Opie

5:01

says however without notice again. I Must

5:05

have replaced the culture requirement with

5:07

the gaming requirement The

5:12

whole fun of games until the joke is turned

5:14

back around around you baby He's

5:17

getting turned back on you really does never

5:19

go escape this impressive Friendly

5:21

fire now the girl had to

5:24

share the same passion for Zelda's me since that gaming

5:26

series meant a lot to me growing up Basically

5:28

what I think is this It

5:31

got me through some a

5:33

lot to me is

5:38

Me being attracted to girls. I have things

5:40

in common with and not just anything

5:42

that had to be things that mean a lot to me

5:44

I Think I

5:47

think opie's in idiot so far But

5:49

of these requirements have meant

5:52

that my dating pool is extremely

5:54

small That's correct. And honestly, I

5:56

wish I could stop thinking like this you could

6:01

You have the possibility you have the

6:03

tools. Maybe you can grow up. I

6:06

hope you guys like it. For instance,

6:08

this girl I met in my class since we

6:10

don't have Zelda in common, the

6:12

fear of later meeting a

6:15

girl who does like Zelda will

6:17

result in me getting really jealous

6:19

and feeling like I settled. When

6:24

I could have got my dream girl,

6:26

somebody with the same passion in common.

6:28

Why don't you introduce your dream girl

6:30

to Zelda? Yeah, do that.

6:33

There we go. What if she doesn't

6:35

like it? Then you're

6:37

fucked. Then you break up.

6:40

Don't let your girlfriend stop you from finding your wife. I

6:42

look Riley. Whoa,

6:44

always quoting that. Riley.

6:46

I'm just saying if you don't look at your girlfriend as your wife,

6:48

there's a problem. Just

6:50

saying. I'm not even going to

6:53

continue to spare you. It's

6:57

all about my death. So

7:00

I honestly don't know how... All

7:03

of Riley's girlfriends are rolling

7:05

in their graves right now. Oh

7:09

my gosh. What? Wait,

7:13

what? What do

7:16

you mean? You're saying if

7:18

your girlfriend heard right now that you

7:20

just said don't let your girlfriend stop you

7:23

from finding your wife, which

7:25

means you would just date your girlfriend if someone better came along. You

7:33

know what? Some people do that. Me, personally. I'm

7:36

going to be with my girlfriend

7:38

until we prove to each other that

7:40

we're not right for each other or we are right.

7:42

I want her... I want to be

7:44

with her until she proves me wrong. Or

7:47

if she's your girlfriend, don't let that stop you from finding your wife.

7:51

I want her... I want to be with her until she

7:53

proves me wrong. Or if you find someone

7:55

that likes Legend of Zelda more. That's

7:58

not for me. What

8:00

if Riley you know what Riley's Legend of

8:02

Zelda is what church? What?

8:06

Christian Ocarina

8:14

crazy. Oh my

8:16

god. I probably should not I

8:18

should probably stop quoting that actually I

8:24

honestly don't know how to deal with this It's just

8:26

not something I can switch off All I

8:28

can think about is just beating a girl who shares

8:31

the same love of Zelda as me and I

8:33

feel like that's the Only way I can get over

8:35

this. There are some relevant comments.

8:37

There is an Up

8:40

update Wow Lottie

8:43

a lot of material here. So all right,

8:46

basically this guy found the perfect woman, but it's

8:48

not perfect cuz no Zelda

8:50

No, so and he's like, I

8:52

know I don't know what to do Dude,

8:56

all right, you know how people like we

8:58

got like the asexuals. We got the hand

9:00

sexuals. We got the buys we got the

9:02

I see you head rose. Yeah, maybe we

9:04

got the the Zelda's

9:07

Lesbos Legends

9:09

of Zelda Zelda Yeah

9:16

Zelda sexuals though Zelda sexuals.

9:19

I mean, there's still possibilities in finding someone like

9:21

this. Yeah, I think so I wonder

9:23

what what is the? Male

9:25

to female ratio of Legend of Zelda players

9:28

Probably not an OPs favor. I think it's like

9:30

a 60 40. I don't think it's I don't

9:32

think it's as great I mean Sophia plays it's

9:35

probably a higher Male

9:37

demographic. Yeah, our legend of Zelda higher

9:39

female demographic in comparison to other video

9:41

games. Yeah, like in comparison call of

9:43

duty a gender

9:46

77% male 21%

9:48

female 21. That's pretty low. That's

9:50

pretty low It's

9:53

pretty low especially from what we got from

9:55

a little Ladies

9:58

gentlemen, we're not done here We

10:00

have some relevant comments. Relevant

10:03

comments. Mr. Riley, what do you think? Oh,

10:06

what? What should happen? I... Producer

10:09

Riley. What? Oh, I was

10:11

gonna say he turned into a princess. No, I... Do

10:14

a queen. Do I have to take you to court? No,

10:16

you can't prove it. Eliminating our biggest

10:19

of proteins? You can't prove anything?

10:21

Yeah. Well, we'll see what the

10:23

court... You'll never take me alive! We'll see

10:25

what these relevant comments have to say about

10:28

that. So, actually, quick DLDR for Opinopoeia. Gimme,

10:30

gimme, gimme. Opie is a

10:33

Zelda sexual, okay? He

10:36

can only date people who like Zelda.

10:38

Only date women who like Zelda. Just like myself. There

10:42

might be a match because his dating pool is

10:44

severely limited. Because he wants to date someone who

10:47

is of his culture and also likes Legend of

10:49

Zelda. I'm gonna say I feel like it's not

10:51

that hard to find someone who likes Legend of

10:53

Zelda. So, initially it was really bad because of

10:56

what Sam said. He would only date people from

10:58

his culture and Zelda. Now Zelda is the only

11:00

one that matters. Oh, okay. So, he's broadening. He's

11:02

broadening the pool. Well, let's open it up a

11:05

bit. But he did find a woman who is

11:07

like literally perfect. But didn't like Zelda.

11:09

She didn't like Zelda. But also, like, Legend

11:13

of Zelda is like 70% men and like 20-something

11:15

percent women. That

11:18

can't be true. That's a lot. That's

11:20

not a lot. That can't be true. But that's a lot of people,

11:22

though. I know so many

11:25

people who play Zelda. 21% of 10% of millions of

11:27

people, probably. Yeah, I guess

11:29

so. Of which tens of thousands

11:31

could be obsessed with it. That's

11:33

true. A large chunk of my friend

11:35

group plays. Well, maybe you should introduce them to

11:37

Opie. It just seemed like they would be a

11:39

good thing. Opie did say that

11:42

specifically he couldn't date her because if

11:46

a girl who likes Zelda came along, then

11:48

he would of course be jealous because she's the perfect girl and he

11:50

would have to leave her. He

11:52

said he didn't want to settle. He didn't want

11:54

to settle. Question, could he not introduce

11:57

his partner to Zelda? That's what we said, but...

12:00

How dare you suggest that? Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know,

12:02

I know. It's a bad idea. I think

12:04

it's more like he just wishes that she was already into

12:06

it, you know? That's right. Yikes. Well,

12:09

we have some relevant comments here. Dolomite88 says,

12:11

have you ever talked to a counselor about

12:13

this? You mentioned going to

12:15

class and many universities have free

12:17

on-campus counseling. You need it, buddy. Maybe

12:20

something for you to look into. On a

12:22

more direct note, if that wasn't direct enough, you

12:25

will learn more from- I'm going

12:27

to say politically. Yeah. You

12:29

will learn more from someone you differ from

12:32

than you would from someone with the same

12:34

life experiences as you. You should embrace differences,

12:36

not shun them. They can only serve to

12:38

broaden your outlook, to which OP responds.

12:41

I guess that's true, but I've come

12:43

to believe that it's different strokes for

12:46

different folks. So when

12:48

you're chopping the wheat

12:50

to get to your rubies, you

12:53

know, you got a different stroke of

12:56

your wheat chopping. You know?

12:59

Zelda. Analogy. So

13:03

some people might see the appeal

13:05

in others who are different from them, but

13:08

I can't. In fact, I hope

13:10

he wants to date someone exactly like

13:12

himself. I've actually begun the cloning process.

13:15

Exactly. And I look great. In

13:18

fact, I read a song that we listened to.

13:21

Which song? Sometimes I want to f***

13:23

myself in the mirror. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the

13:25

pirate guy. Yeah, the pirate guy. The

13:27

pirate guy. That's the whole okay story time for

13:30

some time. In fact, I

13:32

would rather stay single than be in a relationship

13:34

with somebody who is different from me. It's

13:37

just what appeals to me, I guess.

13:39

That's crazy. Oh my God. Kornberg says,

13:41

this is beyond red space. Right?

13:44

Oh my God. Oh my God. That

13:49

is so cutting

13:51

because the amount of

13:53

crazy s*** that red is the other way.

13:57

Oh my God. It's like, yeah. I

14:00

haven't laughed that out for a minute comment in a minute if

14:03

you want to stop obsessing over this It's

14:06

within your power and it's

14:08

harming your ability to live a full

14:10

life It's time to see a professional counselor

14:12

or therapist on the weight on

14:15

the scale of weird stuff They've seen

14:17

I promise that you're nowhere close

14:19

to someone who would freak them out. That is

14:21

true It's just like a weird

14:23

quirky thing. Yeah, you won't freak the therapist

14:26

out, but this is beyond reddit Exactly

14:29

you're in that that that danger zone right

14:31

there You're not crazy. You

14:33

don't need to be committed to a hospital. Hey, I

14:35

don't know maybe And

14:38

you probably don't even need medication what

14:40

you're going through is much more common

14:42

than you think From

14:44

what you said you're likely experiencing anxiety

14:46

about dating or getting close to someone

14:50

And using your extremely specific

14:52

partner requirements to avoid the

14:54

risk That

14:57

might It

15:00

wasn't beyond red Yeah,

15:02

I feel like red is doing pretty good job I

15:06

used World of Warcraft to avoid confronting

15:08

my depression and anxiety over dating After

15:11

my boyfriend broke up with me in a

15:13

very cruel way. It's not uncommon

15:15

response To a complicated

15:17

and scary situations talking to a professional will

15:20

help you figure out strategies that will help

15:22

you cope with those emotions Will allow you

15:24

to move past this problem There's

15:27

nothing wrong with preferring to date someone with

15:29

common interests, but you're taking this preference too

15:31

far and it's creating wall between you and

15:34

relationships with other people Maybe

15:38

the most hilarious and poignant reddit comment. I have

15:40

ever read in my life I was gonna say

15:42

I feel like it was it had

15:45

everything it literally That

15:47

is such a banger of a

15:49

reddit comment mortgage board Masterpiece had

15:51

a dash of insults. Yeah a

15:53

touch of peace love a touch

15:55

of love Yeah, like

15:58

sugar spice everything nice and brilliantly

16:00

astute observations that spawn on

16:02

advice. But

16:04

how does OP respond? Well

16:10

about using my requirement as an excuse.

16:13

I did date a girl in the past

16:15

who was into Zelda as well and

16:18

we were together for a year and I was

16:20

very happy in that relationship. We broke

16:23

up because she ended up cheating on me.

16:26

If I had to guess, I'd say I'm more

16:28

than ready to be in a relationship however the

16:31

thought of dating someone with nothing

16:33

in common just seems unappealing to

16:35

me. It's crazy that Zelda

16:39

is the only thing that you can

16:41

have in common with someone like get

16:44

a personality. You don't have to

16:46

have nothing in common. You just

16:48

have to maybe not have one

16:52

extremely specific thing not in

16:54

common. That is all.

16:57

That is it. Caputs? Caputs.

17:00

The end. Caput. Is

17:02

there more? Please. Brother.

17:05

Brother. See? See?

17:08

There are your ways. I'm getting work up

17:10

today. But we got an update. Let's

17:14

see what this MFR does. A

17:16

lot has changed since I made this last update.

17:18

Actually, I can't believe it's only been a week

17:20

since I posted that. It feels like so much

17:22

longer. I started

17:24

using Tinder. Do

17:27

we have some ICUs in the comments? And

17:32

he gets zero matches. Or

17:35

he gets a thousand matches. His whole bio is

17:37

about Legend of Zelda. Or

17:40

he gets a thousand matches and is like, oh

17:42

my god, you love Legend of Zelda? Oh my god.

17:44

Oh my god. I don't know

17:46

if that's gonna happen. We'll

17:49

see. I figured I'd just see what it's

17:52

like. Earlier today, I matched

17:54

with this girl that I thought was cute. I

17:56

know the chances of her liking Zelda 2 is

17:58

slim to the end. But

18:01

I'm trying hard to push myself and send her a

18:03

message. Good! Good

18:05

to do that! I read all the

18:07

messages, do you like Legend of Zelda? No,

18:09

but that's like the only scenario where you

18:11

could, because that's where you try and find

18:14

out if you have common interests. Yeah, that

18:16

is true. That is true. That is, yeah.

18:18

I feel like Tinder is the place

18:21

to do that. If someone hit you with,

18:23

uh, do you like Legend of Zelda? I wouldn't

18:25

be out, that would be an okay

18:28

thing to ask. I'd be like, hell yeah

18:30

I do. I think also, on a

18:33

hinge profile? Yeah, on a hinge profile you could

18:35

pop that up and say if I liked this.

18:37

I like Juan Juan's On the Beach and Legend

18:39

of Zelda. But what if it's all

18:41

pictures of him cosplaying as Link and

18:44

every single little like, uh,

18:47

like sentence in his bio, every

18:49

single question and answer thing. Every

18:52

voice memo, it's all Legend of Zelda.

18:55

Then it reads as kind of ironic. But

18:57

what if he's serious? That's

18:59

it. That way.

19:01

Um, I've read through all your comments

19:04

in my last post and I've thought long and hard about them.

19:06

I honestly didn't know what to say to most

19:08

of them and I've considered all the advice I've

19:11

received heavily. I'm just honestly

19:13

feeling like I'm having a panic attack. Maybe

19:15

that's an exaggeration, but I'm scared of jumping

19:17

into something that I will regret. Maybe,

19:20

maybe if I send her a message we hit it off and

19:23

she doesn't like Zelda or we have nothing in

19:25

common. Again, not, hmm, when

19:28

he says nothing in common, this will be off.

19:30

The thought freaks me out and I just don't know.

19:33

On top of that, I keep thinking to

19:35

myself that maybe if I waited out, the

19:38

one girl who likes Zelda will come

19:40

along, but if I settle, settle

19:44

for somebody else now. If he settles, he's

19:46

in a cycle. This

19:49

is the first post all over again. I

19:51

will never end up with a girlfriend who

19:53

also likes Zelda. I mean,

19:55

he gets married, has a baby kid,

19:58

babes I have to leave it. He's our

20:00

fans live legend of Zelda. You

20:03

would have to No

20:06

kid in my house to stop love and play

20:08

let's the kids and he's like I'm not gonna

20:10

settle Children

20:14

that will like the game he takes his

20:16

newborn and he puts like a freakin Nintendo

20:19

switch It's like you're not playing. Why are

20:21

you not playing? Yeah,

20:25

oh my god, it's like an invisible When

20:28

Omni man, oh my god and

20:31

says I can always try again the

20:34

amount of times Sophia references this

20:36

show is It's

20:39

so you know what me and everyone

20:41

watching totally got that. Yeah, thank you

20:44

I just want to say that I'd only date someone

20:49

Be clear. Oh my

20:51

god. Um It is

20:53

so stupid all these things I just wrote are

20:55

so stupid I know it makes no sense at

20:57

all it doesn't but I'm just literally freaking out

20:59

and feel like I'm having a mental breakdown I

21:02

want to send this girl on tinder a message Or

21:06

just meet any girl who doesn't necessarily

21:08

like Zelda, but this is all freaking

21:10

me out so much Yeah,

21:13

I think honestly the more reading that specific

21:15

update I think what that one commenter said

21:17

about the anxiety is like totally true Yeah,

21:19

so it's like I feel like we're getting

21:22

into some circular logic here a man needs

21:24

just to go to therapy or just date

21:27

These of course himself to date non Legend of

21:29

Zelda people or Date

21:32

Zelda or discover

21:35

the wonders of the human

21:38

body Oh Realize

21:46

it's much more fun to explore that than

21:48

a legend of Zelda. He really does love

21:50

himself Gotta disagree with

21:52

you there Hard

21:56

pass the wild the

21:59

only thing I want to take my breath

22:01

away. Breath of the wild. Well,

22:04

there's more. Let's get into this next update. This

22:06

will probably be my final update, which it's

22:09

not. Because

22:12

at this point I don't feel like there's anything

22:14

I have left to do or say. I can't

22:16

imagine anyone giving any sort of advice to help

22:18

my situation, so if anything this would just

22:20

be more like closure to me. So to pick up

22:22

where I left off earlier this week, I sent a message to

22:24

the girl on Tinder. Good. I

22:27

tried to make a short and clever joke, but

22:29

it backfired since she never applied back. Big

22:32

yikes. No, but

22:34

that's Tinder. That's

22:36

Tinder. O-P. Literally.

22:38

Tinder is like throwing darts at a board

22:41

until they connect. That is everybody. I know

22:43

that 95% of all the posts

22:45

have told me to go to therapy. I

22:47

finally made a call. Thank God. Unfortunately,

22:49

they told me they're still waiting. In

22:54

order to get to the therapist, I

22:56

have to beat the final boss by

22:58

therapist. And

23:03

the earliest appointment I could get was

23:05

in February, which this was

23:07

written in October. Oh wow. So that's a

23:10

long way. There has to be therapists. There's

23:12

got to be other therapists. The

23:15

thing is, none of the other therapists

23:17

like Legend of Zelda. I have to

23:19

have a therapist I have things in common with.

23:22

I can't be with the therapist. I have just

23:24

nothing in common. Yeah, that wouldn't make sense. They

23:26

wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand. Please

23:28

note that I don't live in America, so we don't

23:30

really have fast therapists here. Or

23:32

maybe I haven't called the right people yet. I would

23:35

keep calling. Perhaps there

23:37

are other therapists I'm supposed to call, but the

23:39

organization that I was told to call told me

23:41

that all of their therapists were completely booked, so

23:43

that was that. I have come to

23:45

the conclusion that there isn't much to do

23:47

about this. I have joined a bunch of

23:49

Facebook groups dedicated to Zelda. I'm trying to

23:51

make friends there. Both genders.

23:54

Woah. If

23:56

I end up liking a girl there, then that's great. And

23:59

I'd even be willing to do an online

24:01

relationship and eventually move to her place if

24:03

it gets so far. My career is very

24:05

flexible so I can find jobs many

24:08

places around the world because my job

24:10

is making review videos about the

24:12

Legend of Zelda. I'm just kidding. Oh,

24:14

that would be cool. Alright. Um, I

24:18

don't know what to say. I'm sorry for letting everyone down.

24:23

Oh, OP. So, OP. What

24:26

I've learned is OP does not want

24:29

to change. No. OP

24:31

is doubling down on Legend of Zelda. But

24:34

you gotta respect the dedication. You know, well here's

24:36

the thing. I would almost respect it if he

24:38

was like, listen up, listen up you punks. There

24:41

is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I

24:43

need my soulmate to like Legend of

24:46

Zelda. I could possibly get behind respecting

24:48

that approach to this. But he's like,

24:50

I know what I'm doing is completely

24:52

wrong and illogical yet I'm

24:54

doing it anyway. Here I am. Here I

24:57

am. I am powerless. I'm

24:59

like a hurricane. I'm powerless to my own

25:01

whims. My own, my

25:03

own demands. I mean,

25:06

but something I like about this is like he's

25:08

just a dude that loves Legend

25:10

of Zelda and ain't no one gonna

25:12

stop him. No, I have

25:15

to completely disagree with you there because

25:17

this guy is an absolute idiot. Who

25:19

could solve all of his problems by

25:22

simply going outside the pool and you know what?

25:24

You know what? I'll give this to him. I'll

25:26

give this to him. What will we give him? He's

25:29

on Tinder, whatever. He's

25:31

dating in the world and he uses,

25:34

do you like Zelda somewhere in his

25:36

like opening lines and

25:38

he uses that as a

25:40

very general barometer to if

25:43

this might be a good direction to pursue a

25:45

relationship. I could see that as

25:47

like, hey my personality. Sophia. Yes.

25:50

You like Legend of Zelda. I do like Legend of Zelda.

25:52

I would say like, no, this is very surface level. This

25:54

is very like very beginnings. You know, this is not paint

25:56

the full picture for you. Sure, sure, sure. However.

26:00

Someone likes Legends of Zelda and they're like, oh, like,

26:02

oh, I like, I like Bress of Wind or whatever

26:04

blah, blah, blah. Do you,

26:06

do you see that and go like, okay,

26:09

there could be some compatibility

26:11

here. Yeah. Right?

26:13

They're not that that's the be all end all. No,

26:15

no, no. But if they were like, oh my God,

26:17

I love Bress of the Wild. That's a green flag.

26:19

Yeah. It's a green flag. So, OP

26:21

could do that. Get

26:23

OP continues to have an existential

26:26

crisis for no reason whatsoever. OP's

26:28

flip-flopping. He just shows like, I

26:31

want to be with someone who likes Legend

26:33

of Zelda and texts people

26:35

on hinge and is like, hey, anyone

26:37

like Legend of Zelda here? He

26:40

could get people so quickly. Yeah. I feel

26:42

like eventually he'll find someone. I didn't choose

26:44

the Zelda life. The Zelda life chose me. But

26:47

he chose it. But we have a final

26:49

update where we actually a final update. It

26:51

is actually the literal final update there. And there

26:53

is a relevant comment as well, but this is,

26:56

this is the end. We have

26:58

reached the end. Okay. Guys,

27:01

I think I'm cured. Wow.

27:05

Big change. Bro. What

27:07

an update. You know what? I'm intrigued. Okay.

27:09

So it was it was a strange event, but what

27:12

the heck? It made me realize something. This

27:15

guy. Great. I was

27:17

studying late night in my room for a

27:19

few days ago and have a shelf in

27:21

my room with a bunch of Zelda collectibles and

27:24

a really expensive Zelda figurine underneath it. Over $400

27:26

for just that figure. That's

27:29

crazy. Well, guess what? As

27:31

luck would have it, my Ikea shelf gave in

27:34

all my collectibles fell to the ground

27:36

and the shelf knocked down my figure

27:38

and destroyed the $400 figure. Yeah,

27:41

that sucks. Obviously

27:43

a distressing moment for me, but it

27:45

was also at that time I realized

27:47

I needed to perhaps chill with this

27:49

hobby. Thank you. And that

27:51

the hobby can still be mine without having

27:53

to necessarily share it with a significant other.

28:00

I

28:05

feel like it released the hold on him like

28:07

someone like one of these figurines have

28:11

to spell on him and now that it was

28:13

broken he finally lifted from the spell. Yes. What

28:15

spell do they cast on him? Tovia?

28:18

The wild

28:20

spell. What'd they do? What? What?

28:22

What? Zelda move did they use

28:24

on him? It's not really like that. Yeah,

28:26

we're telling them. Zelda move. It's like for

28:28

a grand, you know, like there's like an

28:30

ice making spell. The ocarina, right? What? Where

28:33

they play the ocarina? Ahhh, ocarina.

28:36

One mucka, one nugget, two nuggerina,

28:38

three muck... That's the muckie-gerina! That's

28:40

the ocarina! I don't think there's a

28:43

spell that would work for this. Maybe, I don't

28:45

know. But we finally realized that he may use

28:47

Jilla a little bit and not

28:50

make this a requirement. Of course,

28:52

I would prefer all caps if she

28:54

liked Zelda 2. No, we're

28:56

back to where we started. I

28:58

have hope, I have hope. And it would definitely

29:00

be a huge plus in my book, but if I

29:03

fall in love with a girl who isn't into Zelda,

29:05

I guess that's how it's going to be. I'm

29:07

honestly not going to worry too much about this to

29:10

be honest. I have enough

29:12

to take, I have enough on my plate with

29:14

studies as it is, plus I'm going to take

29:16

some extra shifts at work so

29:18

I can replace my broken statue and

29:20

collectibles. Unfortunately, some of them

29:22

can't be bought anymore, so oh well,

29:25

such is life. Thanks to everyone reaching

29:27

out to me and helping me, this has been an

29:29

eye-opener for me. I'm more than

29:31

willing to date a girl who doesn't care about

29:34

Zelda because honestly, if she's just there for me

29:36

and makes me happy, I feel like that is

29:38

all I could ask for. Yes!

29:41

Wow. Yes! You're

29:44

not buying it? Are you not buying it? I don't buy it. However...

29:49

Yep, we got a however. However... If

29:52

she happens like Zelda 2, then that's

29:54

great. And that's great. Not a requirement,

29:56

just a plus. Not a

29:58

requirement, just a plus. And

30:01

that's a final comment to close out

30:03

this entire saga. So

30:05

if I take pictures of a damage done

30:08

to my collectibles and a screwed up wall

30:10

with all the timestamps, is that going to

30:12

prove anything? I find it funny there's news

30:14

about a Saudi prince who has been arrested

30:16

in SoCal for forcing women to watch him

30:19

have a guy fart in his face. Wait,

30:22

what? Wow. Yet me wanting

30:24

a girlfriend who is into Zelda as well is

30:26

apparently a lot more strange so it has to

30:28

be fake. And a

30:30

troll. OP that

30:33

was a terrible note to close out on. BUT!

30:35

BUT! Wait, a Saudi prince

30:37

that was forcing people to fart in his

30:40

face? What news are you reading, OP? Wait,

30:43

what? I'm looking that up. Well,

30:45

Sam looks that up. I

30:48

will say OP is much better than where he

30:50

was at the beginning and middle of the story.

30:53

There has been growth! There has

30:55

been growth. And if

30:57

OP does continue on this path,

31:00

then I do have

31:03

a good amount of hope for OP.

31:05

That's a... I would say. What's

31:07

the use of you? I agree.

31:09

I feel like, yeah, there was definitely

31:11

some growth going on. I feel like

31:14

we've made some progress. It's a little

31:16

bit worrying that the final... I

31:18

mean before the comment, the final

31:21

sentence was... Yep, the face farting. I thought

31:24

that she still... Oh no, before that. The

31:26

final sentence to the update was, I love

31:28

that she still was interested in... That

31:31

one he said, not a requirement

31:33

but a plus exclamation mark. That's

31:36

more growth to me. Yeah, no, there's definitely a

31:38

lot of growth coming from, I

31:41

can only date a Legend of Zelda

31:43

fan. Exactly. Yeah.

31:46

You got some face farters? I got some face farters.

31:48

Okay, here we go. Face farters. Saudi

31:50

prince accused of hooker parties, threats, and fart

31:53

and face demand. Yikes.

31:56

Got some tough allegations. I

31:58

am a prince and I do... what I want you are

32:01

a nobody he said that

32:03

and he is making

32:05

one of the women watch while he had

32:07

a male aid fart in his face when

32:10

he was challenged on his spave your he allegedly

32:12

shouted out I am a prince and I do

32:14

what I want you are a nobody they

32:17

must have been so jealous oh

32:19

yeah wow well

32:22

opie I hate that you're also

32:24

a reference that's another matter my

32:26

you ultimately I have hope would

32:28

you say

32:33

you have a full no

32:36

but I do have hope that

32:38

if you love us make

32:41

sure to subscribe we love

32:43

you and see you tomorrow

32:46

this is an episode from deep

32:48

within the archives time for ok

32:50

opie rewire my 18

32:53

year old kids got a paternity test because

32:55

something looked off my wife Kelly and I

32:57

have known each other for over 20 years

32:59

have been married for 18 years we have

33:01

17 year old twins a

33:03

boy and a girl and opie found something

33:05

else and they're having a child together two

33:08

days ago I found out that both

33:10

of my kids are not mine my

33:12

wife Kelly and I met as co-workers

33:14

right out of college we were both

33:17

very ambitious so after working for a

33:19

couple of years we decided to start

33:21

a business together yo this guy's a

33:23

lot in not only do you have kids

33:25

with the person not only are you married

33:27

we got a business together we fell in

33:29

love and after a year starting our business

33:31

we got married a couple of months into

33:33

marriage we had a massive fight about the

33:35

direction that we wanted to take the business

33:37

in you should have asked what direction she

33:39

was taking her business in if you catch

33:42

what I mean where was she throwing that

33:44

ass around who is the CTO the

33:46

chief touching your wife officer

33:49

oh after our big fight I left

33:51

our home but she came to me a

33:53

couple weeks later and we compromised we've

33:55

been inseparable ever since we were on

33:57

a break and so I'm getting that vibe

34:00

We'll see. So it's been like a

34:02

few weeks after this break that she

34:05

falls pregnant? We'll see. Maybe it was

34:07

outside of the break. Okay, let's see.

34:09

You know? If it happened during the

34:11

break, like... More understandable. More understandable. Paley

34:13

got pregnant around this time. Ah,

34:16

yikes. And we've been through thick and thin. Our

34:18

business has had several hardships, but we have weathered

34:20

all of them together. We were always there for

34:22

each other. We could always depend on each other,

34:25

and I love her so, so much. She

34:28

is a part of me, and I couldn't even imagine a

34:30

life without her. Start imagining, boyo. Get

34:34

that imagination flowing, baby, because you're

34:36

gonna need it. I trusted her

34:38

absolutely until this happened. Telly has

34:40

been crying profusely and apologizing constantly.

34:42

She told me that during this

34:44

time that we had a fight

34:46

at the start of our marriage,

34:48

she got sloopy drunk one time

34:50

and slept with a random guy,

34:53

but she said she has not

34:55

cheated on me since. They

34:57

were on a break. They were

34:59

separated. Yeah, that's a dicey one. Dicey one.

35:01

That's a dicey one. That's a little dicey.

35:04

They weren't... There wasn't an exclamation of like,

35:06

we're done, or like, I need... I guess

35:08

he set it through his actions. But a

35:10

couple weeks, that's crazy. Leading for

35:12

a couple weeks. He left for a couple weeks. It wasn't

35:14

her. He left for... Yeah, he

35:16

left the house for a couple weeks. Yo, a few weeks,

35:19

no contacts? You know what was not getting

35:21

contacts? Her cheeks. Yeah, bro. How

35:24

was she gonna go weeks without getting her cheeks

35:26

pounded? Bro, with all that business? You got to

35:28

de-stress with that ding dong. Come on, come on.

35:31

Bro. Also, I'm just like

35:33

always so impressed at like, the one night

35:35

stand guys that are just shooting bullets. I

35:37

mean, like, straight shooters. Like, put them in

35:39

the NBA, because they get every time they

35:42

do. That batting average is like 800. Good

35:45

God. Now, I trusted

35:47

her absolutely. This betrayal has

35:49

left me disoriented. She probably...

35:52

She should have told him. She should have told him.

35:54

Yeah. If they Got back together.

35:56

All The times to betray someone, that is the

35:58

best time. V

36:01

that that the least agree?

36:03

Just window of time. ah.

36:05

But. It's like man, that that

36:08

one mistake. Wire. Baggage proof

36:10

man. I told Kelly I needed time to

36:12

process this and I'm currently staying at a

36:14

hotel I don't know what I'm even doing

36:17

anymore. The last two days have been a

36:19

complete blur. I feel like a zombie completely

36:21

unable to feel or process any. Now to

36:23

be clear, I didn't intend to abandon my

36:26

kids. I might not be their biological father,

36:28

but I'm still their dad and I love

36:30

them dearly. This is not change your opinion

36:32

for kids you think are now. After raising

36:35

them for eighteen years I would say it's

36:37

the it's the relationship and down the nurturing.

36:39

That you've given I'm I'm like idling. I understand

36:41

you're still going to care for them. Yeah, but

36:43

like does not just like. Seems.

36:46

Your perception even a little bit hurts.

36:48

but ah, I personally probably wouldn't be

36:50

able to disassociate app that another disassociate.

36:52

Yaya By it's like it has to

36:55

have an effect on your relationship with

36:57

your kids in some way. That information,

36:59

right? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. But I

37:01

can also see like if I'm in

37:04

his shoes like. The. We get as

37:06

equivalent of adoption I guess. Yeah yeah like it's

37:08

the binder so it like it's definitely a stain

37:10

but I don't know that it would like. Like.

37:13

All those years almost like the emotional matter

37:15

little help with my way. It would not

37:17

like stop you from right now father to

37:20

them obviously but I'm just like wondering like.

37:23

They. Are has as like that the at.

37:25

The. Maybe have a totally wrong here, but I

37:27

can't imagine that it doesn't like. Upset.

37:30

The relationship in some way I could. I guess

37:32

it for me. I think if I would be

37:34

of the barrier is what I'm trying to say

37:36

our like the I know it's like that's so

37:38

strong that it would time to decide almost as

37:40

a library. bad idea of a sense and right

37:42

now I'm sitting on my hotel bed and I

37:44

have not eaten anything today. my thoughts are a

37:46

mess so I'm writing this down to help me

37:49

process it. Kelly has always been a great wife

37:51

and an excellent business partner. but I don't know

37:53

if all be able to look at her the

37:55

same ever again or if I will be the

37:57

same person again. I do not know how to

37:59

move. For. from here. We were on a

38:01

break. Yeah, you can't leave for

38:03

like three weeks, no contact in your and

38:05

expect your wife to not clap. She thinks

38:07

that's what I'm saying. Like after a big

38:10

fight, like three weeks is such a long

38:12

time. Such a long time. That's how many,

38:14

how many seconds is that? I'm sorry. Is

38:16

that a billion seconds? Yeah, that's a billion people

38:18

that you could fuck. How is she? How

38:21

is she not going to get

38:23

dicked down for a billion seconds?

38:26

Dude, that's insane. On an unimaginable

38:28

unimaginable. She's hot. She's

38:30

in demand. She's in demand, but there is an update. Actually,

38:33

yes. Yo, I'm excited for this. Thank you for the

38:35

overwhelming response I got on my last post. I wrote

38:37

it down just to clear my head. The day after

38:40

my post, I called my children and told them I

38:42

love them. They were scared that I might leave them.

38:44

I told them that they're absolutely still my

38:46

children, even though I'm not their biological father

38:48

and that I will not be abandoning them.

38:50

I just needed to think about my relationship

38:52

with their mother. I saw several comments telling

38:54

me that they're not my children because I

38:56

don't have their own family and they, but

38:58

that matters very little to me. I raised

39:00

them and they are my children. I spent

39:03

time thinking about how to move forward with

39:05

Kelly after this. I was angry that she

39:07

had slept with someone else after we had

39:09

gotten married. I calmed down and I really

39:11

thought about the whole situation. I wanted to

39:13

call my lawyer to talk about separation, but

39:15

I kept thinking of our life together. So I

39:17

decided to talk to Kelly and give her a

39:19

chance. I called her and went back home the

39:21

next day. My kids were thrilled to see me

39:24

and we spent some time together. Kelly and I

39:26

went up to our room after that. I hadn't

39:28

spoken to her properly since we saw the results.

39:30

I gave her time to talk. Kelly told me

39:32

it never occurred to her that the kids might

39:34

not be mine. She told me that we got

39:36

in a fight early in our marriage. She was

39:39

angry at me for leaving over a business dispute

39:41

and was waiting for me to return. She said

39:43

she went to a bar one day and got

39:45

srydududududuotb wasted. She picked up some guy and

39:47

didn't remember much of what happened that night.

39:49

The guy was gone before she woke up

39:52

the next day and she felt extremely guilty.

39:54

She wanted to tell me but was afraid

39:56

that I would leave her. To be fair,

39:58

I was hot headed and stubborn guy

40:00

back then so I probably would have filed

40:02

for divorce without a second thought. To her,

40:05

it was a drunken mistake that would never

40:07

come out. So she didn't want to risk

40:09

our marriage over it. And I never would

40:11

have found out about it if she didn't

40:13

get pregnant that night. She broke down multiple

40:15

times and apologized constantly through the conversation. I

40:18

believed her story. Kelly has been my rocking

40:20

partner throughout my life and I wouldn't be

40:22

where I am today without her. We've trusted

40:24

each other absolutely. This ordeal has been a

40:26

massive dent in my belief in her as

40:28

a wife but I still trust her as

40:31

a partner. We have long conversations about our

40:33

future and I told her I was willing

40:35

to give us a chance. I made it

40:37

clear that we might not succeed and I

40:39

might leave but I was willing to try.

40:42

I assured my children that no matter what

40:44

happened with our marriage, I will always love

40:46

them and I will always be our father.

40:48

We decided to give marriage counseling a try.

40:50

My wife asked a therapist friend of hers

40:52

and she recommended the counselor. We start appointments

40:55

next week. It does feel like one mistake.

40:57

It feels like one

40:59

mistake. Especially with what

41:02

was going on. It's

41:04

not like he's totally not at fault but

41:06

you never would have expected your

41:10

wife to go get pregnant from another

41:12

man's kid. You don't. I think like you said, this

41:16

is the window where it could

41:19

happen the best. Yeah, that's the

41:21

window for fucking another guy. This

41:24

window. If you thought that was crazy, check out

41:26

this one where OP forces his son to get

41:28

a paternity test. Click here. Check the link in

41:30

the description. This

41:46

podcast is narrated five stars. Well, it's

41:49

your own damn fault. You got two

41:51

thumbs in a brain, don't you? What

41:53

do you think stars go on trees?

41:56

I don't. The Wood Oak Hill Beast

41:58

profile page on Spotify. Good

42:00

about I'm at right now over every day

42:02

of my. Ass.