Schlock Treatment

A weekly TV, Film and Comedy podcast
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According to Matt, this is our BEST EPISODE EVER! That may or may not be true, but it's definitely one of our drunkest episodes ever as we try our best to talk about Ernest Saves Christmas! Matt gets things rolling by pre-gaming at a Christmas work party and then bringing with him a giant bottle of wine and two teeny little bottles of Jack! Doug  puts Kirk  to shame, cup-flopping past him to no end! Leopardactyl  shows up! Next week: We celebrate another year of Schlock greatness by making our selections in best and worst categories for THE FIFTH ANNUAL SCHLOCKIES AWARDSIES!!!
We've all had crushes on cartoon characters at one point in our lives. But most of us don't decide to make a movie about actually having sex with those characters. Then again, most of us aren't Ralph Bakshi, the man whose mitts were all over the movie we're discussing today... Cool World Matt is his usual, normal, everyday self! Kirk is confused that the Noids in this movie aren't constantly trying to destroy pizzas! And special guest Abby Denson shares what it is like to have two husbands: a real one and a cartoon one! Don't forget to follow Abby on twitter and check out her awesome websites below: Next week: Explore the deep animalistic recesses of the human psyche with us while a cute little monkey goes on a killing spree in the movie Monkey Shines!
Nothing can stop us from bringing you our discussion of this week's insanely good/bad movie. Not the extra-long mailbag segment, not the phone interruption, not the painter interruption, NOTHING! And oh, how lucky you are, because this week we bring you... Never Too Young To Die Kirk regails us with a pointless story of a dumb thing he did in his youth! Matt reveals an unfortunate side project taken on by The Who's Pete Townshend! Doug (and Kirk) "get fooled again" by Gene Simmons' mastery of disguise! Next week: Join us as we watch Brad Pitt try really hard not to fuck a cartoon in creepy old creepmeister Ralph Bakshi's Cool World!
There can be only one. Wait, two. No, three! How many of these Highlander movies can they make? Who knows? But on today's episode we are talking about just one of them, which is called... Highlander III: The Sorcerer: The Final Dimension  Matt gets things started with a spot-on Christopher Lambert impression! Doug talks about polyps! Kirk hesitates! Next week: Explore the most outeriest of spaces with us as we explore the sci-fi kids' movie Explorers!
Sometimes they take a movie and turn it into a cartoon years later but then also other times they take a cartoon and turn it into a movie years later. They've done at least one of those things each with The Karate Kid Animated Series and G.I. Joe!! Kirk paints various objects to place them into walls! Matt unveils his idea for a Falling Down cartoon franchise! Doug does a Cobra Commander impression for the ages! Next week: We venture into action of SUMMER RERUNS as we cover Magnum PI (season 2: episode 21 "The Elmo Ziller Story") and Miami Vice (season 2: episode 11 "Back in the World")!
Good news for people who like the idea of fusing humans with animals in one fashion or another! In today's episode we are talking about two classic TV episodes that do just that, as we discuss... Beauty and the Beast  and Quantum Leap! Kirk teaches us how violence can be used to help one prepare to record a podcast! Matt uses the science of cartoons to teach us how thermometers work! Doug teaches us the importance of letting your emotions out to avoid catastrophe! Next week: We venture into cartoon territory of SUMMER RERUNS as we cover The Karate Kid (season 1: episode 6 "All the World His Stage") and G.I. Joe (season 1: episode 61 "Cold Slither")!
Summertime is here and that means that the days get longer, the shorts get shorter and reruns are re-run on television. To celebrate, Summer Reruns is back all over again at Schlock Treatment. We get all mythological on your butts with... Hercules: The Legendary Journeys S4E1 / Xena: Warrior Princess S5E13 See what a fool believes when Matt confuses the Moody Blues with the Doobie Brothers... Dive deep under the ocean with Kirk's explanation of a cloaca... Gasp in astonishment as Doug channels Uncle Pecos... Next week: Summer Reruns continues with more oddly obscure TV shows and Matt becomes the happiest man on the planet when we finally cover two highly mentioned episodes of children's programming. You can find Dinosaurs S3E15 on Netflix and Punky Brewster S2E16 on Youtube in two parts (YES THIS IS THE ONE WHEN CHERIE GETS STUCK IN THE REFRIGERATOR!!!!!).  
Psst! Hey, you! Yeah, you. Have you heard about this week's movie? No? What, have you been going through life with a bucket on your head? How could you not have heard of this movie before? Maybe you did but you're just suffering from amnesia. Do you remember a big explosion? No? Then it probably is amnesia. Well then, let us refresh your memory of... American Ninja! Matt continues to educate us about his dad's favorite beer while delving into his own past to reveal a long-standing urge to destroy his brother! Doug confuses one Madison with a different Madison! Kirk transforms into a clown while attempting to whore himself out to one of our listeners! Next week: We dive head first into our favorite summer tradition of watching episodes of old TV shows! That's right, it's SUMMER RERUNS time again, and we're kicking it off with Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (season 4: episode 1) and Xena: Warrior Princess (season 5: episode 14)!
Once again we are Dougless, but that doesn't stop us because on today's episode we are joined by the fabulous Alison Abrams! And she has brought with her the underappreciated Grace Jones / Deedee Pfeiffer horror comedy: Vamp This week: Matt teaches you what the Bat-Signal is and what that thing under your nose is called, Kirk tells you the best way to get your hands clean while pretending to be a werewolf, and Alison sheds some light on which foods can and cannot be used as an effective means of interpersonal communication. On our next episode: We discuss baseball or demons or something while trying to uncover the secrets of The Keep!
Something happened this week. Something unusual. Something which caused us to question whether or not we had all gone... Brain Dead OK, enough beating around the bush. Here's what happened this week at Schlock Treatment. Kirk forgot to bring his laptop to the podcast recording session on the hottest day of the year. Doug, the true hero of the podcast, took it upon himself to venture out into the insane devil hell heat to get his own personal laptop and bring it back to Schlock Industries Headquarters so that we could record this week's episode. Kirk, who is now clearly the podcast's bumbling oaf of a villain, forgot to set the audio quality to "good" and instead set it to "suck" during the recording process, brazenly ignoring Matt's eerily prophetic warning which you will hear at the start of the episode. That is why this week's episode sounds awful. Because of Kirk. Because Kirks are awful. Enjoy! Oh, also, this is a movie which features both Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton. And a bunch of squishy brains. Next Week: Special guest Alison Abrams makes her second appearance to discuss the Grace Jones vampire film known simply as Vamp!
On today's episode we are short-staffed due to the mysterious disappearance of Doug (Rest In Podcast). Nonetheless, we are more than happy to welcome back for a third time the legendary Maggie Serota! And to our delight she has chosen to cover the slasher cult classic: The Slumber Party Massacre This week: Kirk goes into full-on morning zoo DJ mode, Matt discusses what he has in common with Bill Pullman, and Maggie brings some much needed sanity and insight to our discussion of driller killers and girls who are too good at basketball! Next Time: We do that voodoo that Wes Craven did so well as we cover The Serpent and the Rainbow!
Happy Day of the Dolphin! Put on your dumb virtual reality helmet and get ready to listen to Doug, Matt, and Kirk rap future-style about the classic cyberpunk pile of cyberjunk known as just... Johnny Mnemonic In this episode we also discuss: - Wendigos! - Manitous! - Bigfeet! - Abominables! - Marc McDonalds! Next Time: Special guest Maggie Serota returns for her third visit to bring us the infamous 1982 slasher film The Slumber Party Massacre!
Happy Father's Day! Put on your dumb hats and get ready to listen to Doug, Matt, and Kirk talk about Berry Gordy's cinematic Motown martial arts masterpiece: The Last Dragon In this episode we also discuss: - the irresistible sensuality of Elda Barge! - the evolution of Prince! - a rare form of blindness! - more monster taxonomy! - Ernie Reyes Jr. Next Time: We travel to the dystopian future (is there really any other kind of future?) to delve into one of Keanu Reeves's hardest to pronounce roles in Johnny Mnemonic!
We're graced once more with the presence of Ms. Abby Denson, and she's chosen a movie ripe for treatment. This week we present to you, from the archives of DinoRider LaRidus: Barbarella This week: Doug makes a horrible joke about harassing women (he's not serious; don't do it)! Matt teaches us about the "glass bottom boat!" Kirk starts an audio show with commands to shut up! Marc's Monster Taxonomy bungles about until it's saved by Abby! Next Time: We answer some viewer concerns with Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon!
This movie is completely insane. Double Dragon Luckily, we ease you into the insanity by starting this episode with our second installment of MARC MCDONALD'S MONSTER TAXONOMY! Also in this week's episode: special guest Jonathan Valuckas graces us with his rather tall and hilarious presence. Meanwhile, Doug has become a shadow, Matt has nice hair, and Kirk is sucking the energy out of the city (and this podcast)! Next time: We discuss in great detail the things we could only speculate about this week during the discussion of next week's psychedelic space sex comedy Barbarella!
For today's episode, Matt selected a movie which left us equal parts baffled and amused! And he edited an episode which will leave you feeling the same way! Because we are covering... The Taking of Beverly Hills This week: We welcome special guest Jermaine Hollman, a man who has seen and done it all: acting, improv, comedy, and now our dumb podcast! Like some sort of quarterback named Boomer for some reason, Jermaine zigs and zags his way through this week's conversation like a pro, while Doug and Kirk marvel over the lush variety of mullets and molotov cocktails found in this cornucopia of '80s badness. All this while Matt gleefully enjoys our reactions to this movie he has watched an incomprehensible number of times ever since he was a wee child born into the world like a wall dug up from the ground from whence it had become a floor. And if you didn't find that last sentence confusing, then you will have no trouble following the plot of this movie! Next week: We rack our brains trying to solve the martial arts math equation that is Double Dragon!
This week we grapple with the WWF's first entry into Hollywood, and introduction to Hulk Hogan as a leading man, romance and all. Luckily, we're tag-teaming with Voltronweight champion, Ro-Beast Rollie, because we're talking about- No Holds Barred This week: Doug and Rollie offer some deep cuts from wrestling history! Matt comes back to blowing Face! Kirk opens the imaginarily profitable Schlocky Fun Time Center! All this and the first entry into Marc's Monster Taxonomy! Next week: We venture from filthy bars into posh mansions for The Taking of Beverly Hills!
Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! This week we discuss a movie sure to be at the top of every mom's list of great cinematic achievements. It's a movie filled with beefy musclemen in cheap-looking costumes battling to the death on a gameshow in a distopian future that is really only a few years away. It's... The Running Man This Week: Doug hits the ground running with an excellent Tom Waits impression!! Kirk takes over hosting duty in lieu of Marc who is basking under the Maui sun, his debt to Schlockciety paid in full!!! And special guest Marcus Pinn mans up to help fill in for Matt who was out sick but was in no danger of ruining his shirt!!! Check out Marcus's own excellent movie review website PINNLAND EMPIRE here: Marcus also contributes to THE PINK SMOKE website, which can be found here: Next Time: We do a complete 360 degree spin from this week's sweaty muscleman movie to cover a completely different movie in the sweaty muscleman genre, this one starring Hulk Hogan. It's No Holds Barred!!
That’s right, THE SCHLOCKIES are back even though the Schlock Jocks were gunned down at the chilling conclusion of our previous episode! Did we died? Is there brain damaged? And like such as? Find of the answers to this and many much more also too! Schlock Treatment Presents: The 4th Annual Schlockies Awards WONDER ... why you didn’t receive an invitation to attend this prestigious event!!! FEEL THE MAGIC... as old friends are reunited with old recurring characters and even older jokes!!! HAVE SOME MORE WINE... with your cheese as we present awards to the best and the worst movies we covered in 2013!!! Hey, how about when you’re done listening to this episode you head over to iTunes and drop us a review? We also recommend subscribing, so that you don't miss all the great episodes to come in 2014! In Two Weeks: (that’s right, we’re taking a break, sue us) we kick off the new year by covering Lair of the White Worm! See you then!
We're back and we're still celebrating the Schlocky Holidays by continuing to talk about crazy holiday-themed TV shows of yesteryear. This week we venture into the realm of animated insanity with a G.I. Joe season 1 episode entitled… Cobra Claws Are Coming to Town Where to begin with this one? Any sense of logic or physics is thrown out the window as soon as the episode begins! It's complete madness from the beginning, and it continues that way right up until the end, which is basically what made G.I. Joe cartoons in the '80s so much fun. Plus, this time we get to enjoy the added fun of Christmas holiday elements shoehorned into what is already an over-the-top ridiculous plot. HAVE SOME YULETIDE CHEER as special guest Robeast Rollie returns to fill in for Marc McDonald whose wherabouts are still unknown. LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH as Doug and Matt make one observation about a minor character and run with it all the way to the land of pure comedy gold!!! EAT ASPHALT as this episode takes a dark turn which will leave you wondering what can possibly come next!!! As always, find G.I. Joe on Netflix Instant. You can, of course, also find our show on iTunes. Please go there and write a review. Also, be sure to subscribe so you continue to be updated with new episodes if they appear! And once again, please check out every single one of Robeast Rollie’s incredibly amusing links below: NEXT WEEK: Will Schlock Treatment return? Will THE SCHLOCKIES even happen this year??? Or is this the end for our heroes? Stay tuned!!!
Continuing with more Schlocky Holidays during which we spend the month of December looking at winter-holiday-themed movies and TV shows, this week we bring you a super-sized episode filled with surprises as we cover the Knight Rider season 2 episode entitled… Silent Knight Yep, this episode has everything you would want in a Christmas episode of Knight Rider: a gypsy boy, bank robbers in clown makeup, a very annoyed KITT, and the deliciousness of apples! GASP as Matt returns after a long hiatus!!! SWOON as Doug explains the best way to deal with a van full of clowns!!! GO INTO PURSUIT MODE as special guest Robeast Rollie swoops in to replace previously scheduled guest Jonathan Valuckas, who was called away due to an urgent work matter!!! As always, find Knight Rider on Netflix Instant. You can, of course, also find our show on iTunes. Please go there and write a review. Also, be sure to subscribe so you continue to be updated with new episodes as they appear! And finally, please check out some of Robeast Rollie’s many incredibly amusing links below: NEXT WEEK: Special guest Robeast Rollie returns to help us cover G.I. Joe season 1, episode 49: Cobra Claws Are Coming to Town!!!
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Podcast Details

Created by
MNT Productions
Podcast Status
Oct 11th, 2010
Latest Episode
May 23rd, 2016
Release Period
Avg. Episode Length
About 1 hour

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