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calling all the people from everywhere.

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Let's build a ladder. So handed

1:05

way. Hey,

1:26

guys. It's Kathy Heller. Welcome back to the podcast.

1:28

You're gonna love today's guest. She is

1:31

such a firecracker. My

1:33

goodness. Before we dive in, I just

1:35

wanna let you know that December fifth

1:37

through the seventh, I'm hosting the

1:39

next abundance treat. And

1:42

what makes this extra special is that

1:44

if you come to this retreat, you

1:46

also will get a free

1:49

pass to my signature program abundant

1:51

ever after. That will be included. And

1:54

it really is incredible watching

1:57

the transformation that happens if these retreats.

1:59

Like, it's unbelievable

2:01

how it's

2:02

almost like this,

2:04

like, artificial intelligence is

2:07

running our brains like these subconscious

2:10

programs that run our minds, which

2:13

create so much of what's

2:15

happening in our day. Because it's our perception

2:17

and our perception is so much of our

2:20

beliefs and then how we feel and then how

2:22

we feel is what we it's

2:24

really what really decides, what what's

2:26

how happening in the moment. Right?

2:28

And so when we sort of set

2:30

down the fiction of these

2:32

old paradigms of scarcity, it's

2:35

amazing. we can just

2:37

tune the radio to a different station and

2:39

allow so much

2:41

more abundance to come in that's already

2:43

here. And I've just been watching

2:46

these women come to these retreats and then have

2:48

incredible results and incredible

2:50

breakthroughs and just It's

2:52

it's really been so gorgeous. If you

2:54

wanna join us, you can go to kathy heller

2:56

dot com slash luxe. You

2:59

could also DM me on Instagram for

3:01

more details. And if you are an alumni of any

3:03

of our programs, you will be getting

3:05

a special price, so definitely reach out

3:07

about that because these are very intimate and

3:09

they fill up fast. And they're just,

3:11

oh my gosh, so fun. And our next retreat, we're

3:13

having a special styling session

3:15

where my stylist is gonna come and she's gonna

3:17

pull some wardrobe from Bloomingdale's and other cool

3:19

stores and my photographer gonna be here

3:22

take some pics of you guys and

3:24

some really cool pieces in addition

3:26

to all the other amazing things that

3:28

we do. and we'll be going through this

3:30

sort of money rewiring and

3:32

you will leave the retreat with

3:35

your next, like,

3:36

what is the thing that you are going to

3:38

allow to come in and you'll have

3:40

a really clear set of

3:43

steps and and really and

3:45

you'll have a lot of clarity around how

3:47

are you raising your price? How are you getting paid to

3:49

be you? What's the package? What's the pricing? How

3:51

are you rolling it out? there'll be a clear

3:54

action plan and you're gonna feel so lit

3:56

up and you're gonna just feel

3:58

so fully abundant.

3:59

You just won't believe it until you

4:02

experience that. And if you don't wanna come

4:04

to the retreat, but you just wanna join a bundle

4:06

never after, which is included in the retreat. But

4:08

if you just wanna join that program, you

4:10

can check that out. at kathy

4:12

hiller dot comjoin. But if you

4:14

wanna come to the retreat and you get the program included,

4:17

go to kathy hiller dot com slash luxe.

4:19

Well, I'm so happy because Lovey and

4:22

Jollie Jones is joining us today. She's

4:24

a three time New York Times bestselling author,

4:26

sought after speaker podcast host writer,

4:28

self proclaimed professional troublemaker and

4:31

part of Oprah's Super Bowl one hundred.

4:33

She's been blogging for almost twenty years

4:35

and you might be familiar with her popular blog

4:37

awesomely lumpy, where she talks about anything and

4:39

everything on her mind from pop culture to TV

4:41

show recaps. She talks about race, talks

4:43

about travel. It is truly lovely being her authentic

4:46

style, fully unleashed. It's no surprise

4:48

that it has hundreds of thousands of readers. You

4:50

might have also read one of her best selling books like

4:52

I'm judging you, the do better manual, professional

4:55

troublemaker, the fear fighter manual, raising

4:57

troublemaker, a fear fighter manual for teens.

4:59

And she has a new children's book that'll be out

5:01

in May twenty twenty three. It's called

5:04

Little troublemaker makes a mess, and it's adorable,

5:06

so go preorder your copy. Little troublemaker

5:09

is a very funny and very sweet story about little

5:11

lovey, a troublemaker with big heart. and the best

5:13

of intentions. And she's about to learn that sometimes

5:15

rules are meant to be broken. It's really so

5:17

cool to see how much

5:18

she lights up from this book and you're gonna hear about

5:20

her other really cool plans.

5:22

that she has in mind for this character.

5:24

I hope it opens up your eyes to all the possibilities

5:26

that you also can create with everything that

5:29

you have in or. You should also listen

5:31

to her podcast professional troublemaker where she

5:33

has conversations with world movers and blakers

5:35

who've gotten where they are through their tenacity,

5:37

truthtelling, and good trouble. She's had

5:39

amazing guests on her show like Gabrielle Union,

5:41

Glen and Doyle, Sarah Jake's Roberts, so

5:43

definitely check that out. Lovey has such a

5:45

loving heart and she's so unapologetically herself.

5:48

And it's just really inspiring to see someone

5:51

speak their truth without holding back even if

5:53

it's not the easiest thing to do. She get

5:55

some major mic drops to share with you, so buckle

5:57

up. Without further ado, please welcome the extraordinary

5:59

lovey Adjai Jones. Lovey,

6:01

thank you so much. We've wanted to have you

6:03

on the show for a while, and I'm so happy

6:06

that it all lined up today. Glad

6:09

I can make it. you have such

6:11

a

6:12

fireworks show that comes

6:14

through you. At every second,

6:17

you were just blessed with such an incredible capacity

6:20

for energy. And it's

6:22

amazing how that gives medicines

6:24

to other people. So I'm so excited that we get

6:26

to

6:26

bottle some of that today. we're

6:29

gonna get into all of the most

6:31

recent explosive,

6:33

beautiful things you've been churning,

6:36

but I I want the listeners to get a little

6:38

bit of a piece of your background so they have

6:41

context, like, in your own personal

6:43

right of path message. So will you take us back a

6:45

little bit and tell us a little bit

6:47

about how you came

6:50

into this work and where you were before

6:52

it and what put you on the path knowing that

6:54

this was your calling? Yes.

6:57

So my journey

6:59

to being a writer and a speaker, it feels

7:01

almost accidental. because none

7:03

of it was planned. It was not a strategic thing.

7:06

Right. I frankly was supposed to be

7:08

a doctor growing up. Right? That

7:10

was the dream. when I got a day

7:12

in chemistry, my freshman year of college

7:14

that dream ended very quickly.

7:17

Okay? Chemistries where dreams go to

7:19

die. But I started blogging that year,

7:22

and that was two

7:22

thousand and three, nineteen years ago.

7:24

I didn't

7:25

realize that

7:27

my words were how it was gonna be impacting

7:29

the world. So

7:30

I fell in love with blogging. When I graduated

7:32

from college in two thousand six, I deleted that

7:34

blog and started what is now

7:37

and still exists also in leavy dot com.

7:40

Talking about the world's associates, shenanigans,

7:43

TV, race, politics, a lot of shenanigans,

7:46

you know, one day you might go on that side and

7:48

see a post on how, like, Pink Starburst

7:50

is the best yellows what you give to the person you only

7:52

like who asked us on? Okay. I'm so

7:54

glad you came on here to tell us. Yes.

7:57

Yes. That's important. I am pink starburst

7:59

gang. And the the post after

8:01

that could be about, you know,

8:04

the stage of injustice against black people,

8:06

the post after that could be a Game of Thrones recap,

8:09

scandal recap. So people would

8:12

come on that site and stay

8:14

for other things. And

8:16

my professional background

8:18

in the work that I was doing full time was in marketing,

8:21

communication.

8:22

laid off that job in twenty ten and

8:24

reverse kind of making me because

8:26

on this thing that I was not gonna focus on otherwise,

8:29

because for me, writing was matter. career.

8:31

It was not a job. It was not something

8:33

that felt sustainable.

8:35

Writing felt like a hobby. It was this

8:38

cute thing that I was doing. but

8:40

I didn't really lean into it or

8:42

believe it was anything major for me because

8:44

again, how do you make money as a writer unless you're

8:46

like a novelist?

8:48

So

8:49

the gift of all of that was the years

8:51

that I was blogging, especially in college

8:53

and a little bit after,

8:55

I was writing as if nobody was reading. I

8:57

was

8:57

writing without pretense, without strategy.

8:59

I was telling the truth out loud in public

9:02

over and over again. and getting

9:04

that practice, not realizing that

9:06

it was me really stepping into

9:08

what is my purpose, which

9:10

is ultimately used words to

9:12

make

9:12

people laugh, to make them think

9:14

critically, to compel them, to take

9:16

action that will lead this world better than they

9:18

found it. That's the cliff notes. I am

9:21

the failed doctor who became a writer

9:23

and who just did it even without

9:25

any sort of plan, and

9:27

it worked out really well. Is

9:30

it amazing when we let go of the

9:32

predictable?

9:34

How we are so surprised by

9:36

the mystery of all that is

9:38

in this infinite possibility. And

9:41

that takes tremendous courage

9:44

because most people are not oriented to

9:46

that. We're oriented to certainty. We're

9:48

oriented to trying to figure it out. And here you

9:50

were, I love that you just described

9:53

the way in which

9:55

you would just allow yourself

9:58

to authentically post

10:00

whatever felt

10:02

like something you wanted to share.

10:05

And whether it was Game of Thrones or

10:07

injustice or Star Wars,

10:10

it came from your

10:12

authenticity. And that

10:14

is

10:14

like watching wildflowers

10:16

grow. It's so beautiful.

10:18

And I feel like everyone listening needs to

10:20

hear that because somehow we all

10:22

still believe in this lie

10:24

that if I take certain

10:26

steps, that's the only way

10:28

possible. Like, I was gonna open

10:31

doors for me, and it's that

10:33

you came along, you gave

10:35

yourself permission, you told

10:37

yourself

10:38

wheels up.

10:40

Let's go. And there you

10:42

went. And that the fact that you have

10:44

the humility to even remember to tell

10:46

that part of the story is so important

10:49

for other people listening. Because people

10:51

do feel so

10:52

so insignificant. They don't feel like

10:54

-- Yeah. -- anything possible and they feel like there's so

10:56

much in the way between where they are and where they wanna

10:59

be and to hear that it can start just like

11:01

that. as simple -- Yeah. -- as that

11:03

is powerful. So and I think

11:05

and I think sometimes we get stuck in the idea

11:07

of coming up with five year plan, ten year

11:09

plans, I think

11:10

from me my journey has been really

11:12

special because I didn't have

11:15

the plan. I had

11:17

dreams that I had

11:20

zero clue how it would get there and

11:22

how what path I would take? I didn't have

11:24

a map. My career didn't exist twenty

11:26

years ago. You know, the life I live

11:28

today did not exist as a choice for me

11:31

back then. And that's always say, like, I'm

11:33

not smart. can't give myself a

11:35

credit coming up with the plan. It

11:37

was like the universe guide was like

11:39

-- Yeah. -- I got it. Just keep listening

11:41

to me. Keep listening to what feels right.

11:43

and I'll get you into the right places. So I'm

11:45

always hoping people understand

11:47

that when you see

11:49

somebody like me who

11:52

we'll talk about how the dream just worked

11:54

out. It wasn't because I came up with

11:56

a grand plan. Right. The

11:59

best thing I was able

11:59

to do that I still do to this day

12:02

is I do what feels compelling for

12:05

me. Mhmm. I do what feels

12:07

true. And honestly, I'm open

12:09

to what God has for me,

12:11

and that has worked me

12:13

to this point. So it's what led to

12:16

Yeah. My first book, I'm judging the do better manual

12:18

in twenty sixteen. Hit the times list. It's what

12:20

I list my second book. I'm

12:22

always like, my plan is to just

12:24

do what feels right right then

12:27

to this. Yes. We're gonna do that over

12:29

and over again. What I wanna say about you

12:31

if I may be so bold, is that the

12:34

thing that is so

12:36

obvious

12:37

from the second anybody is

12:39

in your presence?

12:40

is palpable energy.

12:43

There's so much energy.

12:46

And that, to me, feels

12:49

like presence. Not

12:51

to me feels like alignment.

12:53

And when we're in presence,

12:56

we have all our energy. We're not waiting for

12:58

it to come from somewhere else. And

13:00

when we're in presence, that's when we say,

13:02

God, what would you have me do? What would you have me

13:04

say?

13:05

Right? It's

13:06

kinda like, I I said this the other

13:08

day, I can't believe it came out of my mouth because

13:10

most of the things I do, I quote other people who've

13:13

said so many wise things. But the other

13:15

day, I had this thought, which was maybe

13:17

being in the right place and the right time is being

13:19

in this present moment because that's

13:21

where you can meet God right in this now.

13:23

But we're always so focused on trying to plan

13:25

it or try to control it, but like

13:27

your energy is compelling. So

13:30

because you're present in your energy,

13:32

it's undeniable that

13:33

doors are gonna open

13:34

because people want that. They wanna

13:36

be around wholeness.

13:37

They wanna be around something that feels

13:40

really alive. That's not waiting.

13:42

It's not lacking. It's not it's like, I

13:44

am fully in this moment. Let's go.

13:46

It's just like undeniable. So I just wanna I

13:49

wanna compliment that alignment

13:51

because everybody has a way to that

13:53

in themselves. And so thank you for modeling

13:55

that. I received that. I received it.

13:58

Yes. So

13:58

let's fast forward, and we're gonna go back

14:01

into we'll probably touch on

14:03

a bunch of the books in the three books

14:05

and other things. But really, since you're wearing

14:07

the t shirt and since it's so

14:09

important and it's very, very much

14:12

what you're what you're currently in.

14:14

I kinda wanna start there. So Yeah.

14:16

-- tell everybody. before we even

14:18

go into all the things. What does it mean

14:20

to you to be a professional troublemaker?

14:23

Yes.

14:24

So to

14:26

be a professional troublemaker is

14:28

to be somebody who feels deeply

14:31

convicted about the wounds that they are in.

14:33

what

14:33

role they play and how they're elevating it.

14:35

You

14:36

know, I think about the late great

14:38

John Lewis who said, let's always be ready make

14:40

necessary good trouble. I just step it

14:42

up little bit extra with professional trouble.

14:45

And, you know, to be

14:47

one is to know

14:50

that we live in a deeply unjust world.

14:53

So

14:53

to make professional

14:54

trouble, to be a professional

14:56

troublemaker, It's to be somebody who's

14:58

going to guest status quo, who's like, what

15:00

can I do? Not in

15:03

the big moments, but in the everyday small

15:05

moments. that can move something

15:07

forward, that can honor who I say I am,

15:09

that can honor somebody else, you

15:11

know, so professional troublemakers are

15:13

the people who

15:15

are

15:16

challenging your uncle who makes a bad joke

15:18

at the dinner table. They're the people

15:20

who challenge coworkers.

15:23

If a campaign idea is not as thoughtful.

15:26

They're the friend who says, let's have a tough conversation

15:28

because we haven't been seen out of eye. You

15:30

know, they're the people who wanna say and do the hard things.

15:33

knowing it's necessary. Knowing it's difficult.

15:35

Knowing that it's gonna be full

15:37

of anxiety and doubt

15:39

and fear. But

15:40

say, I'm gonna have to do it anyway because

15:42

to make trouble, to make the good professional

15:45

trouble is

15:47

to be somebody who

15:49

speaks the troops -- Yeah.

15:50

-- who represents integrity.

15:52

And I

15:53

think that's ultimately what it means. It's not that they're being

15:55

trolls, they're not being haters, they're not being contrarians,

15:58

they're not making a room uncomfortable

15:59

simply because they wanna hear their voice being spoken.

16:03

They're like, if I'm there, what

16:05

happens? I at least have to be proud

16:07

of my partner.

16:09

So beautiful.

16:10

I have a friend Mark Rose. I don't

16:13

know if you know Mark, but he says -- Mhmm. -- all

16:15

day long, we're being confronted with two

16:17

choices. belonging

16:18

or authenticity.

16:20

He says most

16:22

of the time, people

16:23

choose belonging. But

16:25

then he says to the next heart, he says,

16:27

it's so cool. He

16:29

says, but then if you choose belonging by

16:31

being inauthentic, who do you belong to?

16:33

No one because you don't even belong to yourself

16:35

anymore. Come on. I fully

16:37

believe that. I fully believe that. And I think

16:40

we because we live in a world that

16:42

prioritizes harmony over justice,

16:45

we will choose the belonging. Right?

16:47

We But here's the thing is,

16:49

we think harmony is a room that doesn't have

16:52

conflict -- Right.

16:54

-- or disagreements. Right. I

16:56

think harmony is a room that has truth

16:58

and it still, you know, it still goes

17:01

because the room without truth is not harmonious.

17:04

It is just simply quiet. It is just simply

17:06

agreeable. And agreeable does not mean harmonious.

17:09

So but what happens when

17:11

we choose authenticity and we still belong?

17:14

And I think we can be we

17:17

can choose authenticity. We can be true to who

17:19

we are and still belong. And I do think especially

17:22

when we choose authenticity is when we belong.

17:24

because the people who are our people

17:26

who we speak to will see us. We

17:28

will attract the right people and repel the

17:31

people who are not ours. Right? I think

17:33

we try to belong to people who are not ours, and that's

17:35

the problem. We try to belong

17:37

to folks who are not supposed to be

17:39

on journeys with us. We try to belong

17:42

in rooms that don't really need

17:45

our

17:46

strength in that way. What

17:48

happens when you are in the room, where

17:51

you are truly yourself, and you belong,

17:53

that is the harmony that actually really

17:55

we need to be going after. because

17:57

I think I belong in so many

17:59

rooms.

18:01

I belong to so many people.

18:02

I have so many people who I consider my villages,

18:05

my anchors, my charging station

18:08

because I am truly myself. So

18:11

they receive me in all my authenticity,

18:13

in all my fullness. And in

18:15

those rooms, I am most comfortable. That's

18:18

when I'm actually, like, Yes. My authenticity

18:20

is actually swinging. It's not

18:22

something that's holding me down. That

18:26

is so important. I

18:28

think people should repeat Rewind

18:30

that, honestly. I think you should listen to what I

18:32

said and rewind that and listen to that again because

18:34

there's a lot of truth in there

18:36

that's there's such rare

18:38

oxygen in what you just said. And I

18:40

think you're right.

18:42

We don't see disagreement as a

18:44

possibility to exist in

18:47

anything that feels like harmony. And the

18:50

truth is people then just keep playing

18:52

in these extremes rather than being like,

18:54

correct. I'm in this room and

18:56

this is my integrity, this is my authentic

18:59

truth. So what I'm gonna do is

19:01

bring it to the table.

19:02

Even if that's uncomfortable,

19:04

And

19:04

that's gonna create love

19:06

because love is not that you

19:08

have to be me, but that

19:11

we are willing to listen and

19:14

make room for each other's voices.

19:17

That's why we're gonna move forward.

19:19

And that you're right. There's, like, such

19:21

a allergic reaction to

19:24

anything that feels like confrontation. So

19:26

-- Yeah. -- what do we do? Well, we're not gonna go

19:29

forward that way. I mean, I think conflict

19:32

is

19:32

a growth opportunity, not a bad

19:34

thing. Right. I actually welcome conflict

19:36

because at the other side of it, you have understanding.

19:38

Even if you

19:41

both still disagree, you

19:43

have understanding of who this person is even

19:45

more. Right?

19:46

So Good or bad. Good

19:48

or bad. And

19:49

I think thinking

19:51

about the discomfort in the room, everything

19:53

is temporary. everything

19:54

is temporary, including discomfort. Yeah.

19:57

And I think love looks

19:59

like the courage to

19:59

be able to tell you the truth.

20:02

I

20:02

think that's actually an act of love to

20:05

say I'm gonna ask you this question

20:07

because I'm looking out for you. because

20:09

I wanna make sure I've thought about your blind spots

20:11

and the way you have. And I wanna make sure that

20:13

if we walk out this room, the ideas that

20:15

we presented, we can both be proud of. I think

20:17

that's a form of love. which is why I want

20:19

us to reimagine the idea of

20:23

what love, harmony,

20:26

kindness,

20:27

is I think when they're not based

20:30

in truth, they're

20:32

hollow.

20:34

I think that's when

20:36

the room lacks

20:38

gravity. And that's also

20:41

hard to experience. Right? A room where

20:43

you can't trust everybody around you with

20:45

the truth.

20:46

Oh, my God.

20:47

It's a tough womb for me. I can't operate

20:50

well in a womb where I can't

20:52

trust that room. Like,

20:54

where I'm like, I don't know if everybody hears them. I

20:56

can speak the truth in a way that they

20:58

should or I don't know if somebody's gonna passive

21:00

aggressive. So then I can't show up as myself.

21:03

Nobody wins in a room where everybody can't

21:05

be trusted. Oh my god. It's so

21:07

good. It's so good especially now

21:09

in the

21:10

world we live in where people

21:12

have social media accounts, and people

21:14

can say really provocative things.

21:17

And yet to me, it's like, well, I love that it's

21:19

out there now because it creates the conversation

21:22

And

21:22

I'm like, well, least I know where that person stands.

21:24

Right? And I'm like, okay, that's toxic.

21:27

That scares the hell out of me, but we'll get now

21:29

all these conversations versus

21:31

going to Thanksgiving dinner, and everyone's

21:33

a liar. Everyone's just sitting down

21:36

and telling the truth.

21:38

That part, that

21:40

part, like, You

21:41

know, there have been many times when we've all walked

21:43

out of rooms and you feel on your

21:46

body, something happened

21:48

that did not feel right with you. Oh, yeah.

21:50

and you walk out feeling uncomfortable. Mhmm.

21:54

And you think about it for days after you

21:56

thinking, I should have said something. I wish

21:58

I said something. you'll be in the shower

21:59

being like, shoot, I really should have said something because it's

22:02

sitting in your spirit. And that's the conviction

22:04

you're getting. One of

22:05

the questions that I asked myself in rooms when

22:07

I

22:08

wanna speak up and it's really hard and I'm

22:10

like, I don't know, is will

22:12

my silence convict me?

22:14

oh

22:15

will my silence convict me if I

22:17

have to walk out that room and I'm like,

22:21

I left my responsibility behind.

22:23

I left my power behind. I did not

22:25

wield

22:26

my voice in the way I should've.

22:28

I walk away feeling heavy

22:31

because I did not do my part. So

22:33

will my silence convict me is a question

22:35

I ask myself? Because

22:37

if the answer is yes, then it really pushes

22:39

me to say it. because if my answer

22:42

is yes and I still don't say I'm gonna walk out

22:44

holding that on me as

22:45

opposed to leaving it in the room.

22:48

That

22:48

is so incredibly powerful.

22:51

Will my silence con silence convict

22:53

me? And

22:54

we've all experience

22:55

that. I I think put my hands on my

22:57

mouth

22:58

like that because I grew up with a father who's

23:00

an alcoholic and abusive. And so

23:02

I trained myself to

23:05

know how to pretzel myself into

23:08

so many positions to keep everything

23:11

safe

23:12

and I'm not alone, so

23:14

many people have had these stories. And

23:17

then now though we get

23:19

to say to that little kid inside of us,

23:22

I'm coming against you.

23:23

It's done. That's done.

23:25

We're

23:26

gonna tell the truth

23:28

here. And even if this other person

23:30

has an experience with your truth,

23:32

we're gonna let them have their experience. Like,

23:35

you can -- Correct. -- because I Here's the thing that

23:37

Yeah.

23:38

We don't. And here's the thing is the truth.

23:41

Your truth is not necessarily everybody else's truth,

23:43

which is fine. So all of this is in

23:45

understanding that your

23:47

truth

23:48

still matters

23:50

even if it is not somebody else's. Yeah.

23:53

Right? And I think oftentimes

23:55

what happens is we're afraid of what

23:57

if we don't say the right thing or what

23:59

if we don't get it right or what if we

24:02

get rejected or what And

24:04

those are all valid fears to have.

24:06

They're not gonna stop. Right? But

24:08

think we have to just push ourselves past those

24:10

moments and say, yeah, I might not get it right.

24:12

I might not say it in the right way,

24:15

but I have to say it anyway. And I think the vulnerability

24:17

of even saying that, starting whatever

24:19

you're about to say with Listen. I

24:22

know I might not get this right, but

24:24

I feel compelled to say this, and I hope

24:26

you hear it in

24:28

the heart of intention that I meant. Yeah.

24:30

And

24:30

then you say the thing. Even your vulnerability can

24:32

even show up in saying,

24:34

I'm not perfect. Yeah.

24:37

I'm not gonna say this correct in the

24:39

way you think you need to hear it, but

24:41

I hope you give me the grace. It is basically

24:43

you asking for the grace in advance of

24:46

the because

24:46

in all of this whole life journey

24:49

and this troublemaking, this authenticity thing,

24:51

as you're telling the truth, you also have to

24:53

tell your own truth of how you're feeling in

24:55

those moments. Yeah. The fact that

24:57

you're not sure about how this is gonna land,

25:00

the fact that

25:00

you hope it

25:02

is heard, the fact that

25:04

it

25:04

might make the world uncomfortable.

25:07

I

25:07

think those also belong

25:09

in

25:09

what you're saying and how you're showing up your own

25:11

vulnerability that way. Yeah.

25:13

Well, it takes a lot of, you know,

25:15

unhooking from co dependency essentially

25:18

and and allowing other

25:20

people to just have whatever

25:22

experience they have and not trying to control

25:24

it, not trying to be, like, And so for so

25:26

many people who are listening, when

25:29

they read your books and when they

25:31

listen to your words, if they feel

25:34

like, they're literally terrified to

25:36

not be liked or they're literally terrified

25:38

to put whatever they

25:40

say out in the world because they feel like people are gonna

25:42

exit their

25:43

life.

25:45

What more can you say to them

25:48

so that they could feel courageous

25:50

enough to still live in authenticity?

25:52

Yeah. So

25:54

here's the thing.

25:55

We were not born

25:57

to people, please. We were born to person

25:59

purpose.

25:59

Right?

26:02

our lives, the breadth that we take in

26:04

every single day, are

26:05

not made more valid or less valid

26:07

about

26:08

whether somebody

26:10

likes us or loves us.

26:12

We

26:12

are wired for belonging. We are wired

26:14

for community. So not being

26:16

life is an innate fear.

26:19

because community is how we get through

26:21

the world. But

26:22

here's the thing that everybody you

26:24

come across is not meant to be

26:26

in your community. whenever that community

26:29

is. It's not everybody you

26:31

meet and know

26:31

and you speak to

26:33

is not meant to be

26:36

your people.

26:38

the fear of not being light is definitely

26:41

natural. But here's the thing is

26:43

humans are fickle.

26:45

So it is a futile mission to

26:47

go on a journey to be liked by everybody.

26:50

It is not possible.

26:51

We are also hardwired

26:54

to repel and attract based on

26:56

values, energy

26:58

or

26:59

thoughts, opinions, which

27:01

means, naturally, if

27:03

you are somebody who wants to make

27:05

any sort of impact, you will automatically repel

27:07

people who feel absentee. That's

27:09

okay. because to

27:10

be somebody who's liked by everybody, is to be

27:12

somebody who actually makes no

27:15

memorable difference to anybody. That's

27:17

true. If everybody's like, oh my god,

27:19

like her. Everybody

27:22

likes you? It means you've said nothing

27:24

that is of note. It means you have

27:27

picked no sides in anything. It

27:29

means your values aren't strong. Right.

27:31

Because if your values are strong, you would naturally

27:34

repel people who have opposite values.

27:36

So I think it is actually our jobs

27:38

to form ourselves

27:40

who we are fully

27:42

because that's when you're able to harness. the

27:44

power of the people who are just like you, who loved

27:46

you,

27:47

who your very presence

27:49

makes their spirit calmer.

27:51

or

27:52

energizes them or just

27:54

gives them hope. I think we owe it to

27:56

ourselves to double

27:58

down on who we so we can

27:59

find those people. So we can build lives

28:02

with these people, friendships, relationships,

28:04

you

28:05

know, work relationships with these

28:07

people. And then for everybody else,

28:09

we respectfully let them have distance.

28:13

I just think we spent a lot of time

28:15

chasing those who are not

28:17

our people as opposed to

28:20

really deepening our connections with those

28:22

who are.

28:22

I would rather spend a lot of time

28:25

with five amazing people who speak

28:27

to my spirit, then trying to win over

28:29

twenty people who don't.

28:32

It's a futile mission. It's

28:35

so

28:35

good what you just

28:37

said.

28:38

And if you look at like nature, it's like

28:40

not every climate has the

28:42

same foliage. You know? It's

28:44

like, there's

28:45

parts of the walls that are just gonna

28:48

come together with different, you know,

28:50

the

28:50

Arctic is gonna have different animal friends,

28:52

a different it's like, we don't have to meet

28:54

everybody's crew. Like, we can just

28:57

be with the people we're we're we're supposed

28:59

to belong to. It's so beautiful. And then

29:01

double down on, like, it's your

29:03

life. You know, today is Thursday. So

29:05

what day gets to be yours finally?

29:08

you're leaving all day to please every single when

29:10

when does it get to be your Thursday? When

29:12

is it yours? And you know, like,

29:14

with this breath that we have, it's on gifts.

29:16

Yeah.

29:16

So I don't wanna spend

29:19

this breath

29:20

trying to convince somebody that I am worthy.

29:23

of their energy or power or

29:26

love. I

29:27

think the

29:29

people who see me see me

29:31

and

29:31

I think that's enough. I'm

29:33

so excited to travel

29:34

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job. I

31:53

wanna give you space to tell

31:55

your truth. what you are doing right now. But

31:57

when it comes to the things that you

32:00

go to sleep at night, you put your head on

32:02

that pillow at night and the things that you're like, I

32:04

just I know that part of my

32:06

work is not only giving people courage

32:08

to tell the truth, but this is my truth. What

32:10

are some of those things that you've been saying

32:13

that you've been making waves about,

32:15

that you feel like you came to the world to share.

32:20

The one thing I can say, I'm fortunate

32:23

four is that I go to

32:25

sleep every day

32:27

without regrets. Big.

32:28

And then I wake up in morning and I look at myself

32:30

in the mirror and I'm like, I like her.

32:33

She's cool. She's

32:34

doing what she can. And

32:36

think that's because I've

32:39

led my life in a way

32:41

that even when I don't have plans,

32:43

I still know that

32:45

I'm true to me. that

32:47

the work that I'm doing is honoring my purpose,

32:49

that I am at

32:51

least a decent friend,

32:53

you

32:53

know, It's

32:54

also because I'm constantly trying to

32:56

figure out ways in which I can do better.

32:59

So I go to sleep trying to figure out ways I

33:01

can do better. I might replace some

33:03

conversations back and I'll go, the

33:05

next time I have the opportunity, I might do that

33:07

little bit different, but I don't

33:10

beat myself up for those

33:12

moments either. because I'm like, alright.

33:14

I'll

33:15

get a chance to do it better. And

33:17

if I'm like, you should apologize for

33:19

that and go, okay. I should apologize for that

33:21

and I do it.

33:22

you know, knowing and giving myself

33:24

grace is probably the best gift that I give myself

33:26

when I go to sleep because

33:27

none

33:28

of us are supposed to be perfect.

33:31

we are our own harshest critics.

33:33

And

33:35

in world that's constantly beaten us up, especially

33:37

if you are

33:38

any margins,

33:40

The last thing you need is to

33:42

beat yourself up -- Yeah. -- also.

33:44

So if anybody's hearing this who's

33:46

like, I haven't been brave or I haven't done anything

33:48

that felt true, This isn't a moment

33:50

to beat yourself up. It's a moment to

33:52

recognize and say, okay, I

33:54

can do better tomorrow then.

33:57

actually

33:57

went to sleep last night listening to a meditation,

33:59

which I

33:59

often do. was

34:01

listening to it. Joe suspends

34:02

a meditation last night. It was his evening

34:04

meditation, and he literally said in there.

34:07

If

34:08

tomorrow you get another at bat,

34:10

how

34:10

would you do it differently?

34:12

Let's mentally rehearse.

34:15

how you would do tomorrow differently than today.

34:17

Mhmm.

34:18

And I thought that was so powerful

34:20

that

34:21

you were just saying, like,

34:22

you're intuitively

34:24

doing that, like,

34:26

looking back, reflecting with with

34:28

grace for yourself. Because you get

34:30

another shot when you open your eyes the next day

34:33

and you can mentally rehearse who

34:35

it is that you really want to come to this world

34:37

and be what a powerful thing.

34:39

And

34:39

here's a tech hack for that too. There's sometimes when

34:42

I'm going sleep and I started realizing, shoot.

34:43

I didn't text this person back.

34:46

I didn't reply to this email.

34:48

And there's sometimes when I'll actually

34:50

grab my phone, which is I know it goes against

34:52

all sorts productivity hacks. But

34:54

if there's

34:55

something that's sitting on my

34:56

spirit to say,

34:57

I'll write that text and I'll schedule it to send

34:59

in the morning. I'll write that

35:02

email and schedule to send in the morning. So I'll wake

35:04

up. knowing that I've already said this thing

35:06

that needs to be said. Good. Yeah.

35:08

Like, take it off your body. So if you're I know typically,

35:11

they're, like, don't have your phone

35:13

in the room. Okay. Maybe step out the room, but

35:15

if

35:15

it's sitting on your chest, if it's sitting on your

35:17

heart, as you're about to go to sleep, maybe

35:19

just put it on paper so you can just release it.

35:22

and

35:22

go to sleep and

35:24

come back in the morning fresh, clear.

35:27

I love that and I just love even

35:30

that you check-in, what's

35:32

sitting on my spirit that I need to say,

35:35

what an amazing practice? that

35:37

would be if everyone listening right now,

35:40

just

35:40

make a few journal entries of what's sitting on

35:42

your spirit that you need to say, whether or not you then

35:44

have the courage to say it or not today. Right.

35:46

you just even acknowledge it, just get it out

35:48

on Right. Oh my gosh. So

35:51

you then went

35:51

on not only to write professional troublemaker, but

35:54

you have this

35:55

this version of it for

35:57

younger folks. And I think

35:59

that was

35:59

incredibly powerful because

36:03

to to even believe in the possibility

36:06

that you could connect with

36:08

the higher self of somebody who's in

36:10

their teen years Yeah.

36:12

Amen

36:13

to that.

36:14

Right? Like, that's the time. So

36:17

what did you want

36:18

rising troublemaker to leave

36:20

readers with. What were you hoping

36:23

that would be different for them

36:26

than the the first book?

36:28

So I wrote professional troublemaker and

36:30

a lot

36:31

of parents

36:32

reached out to me to be like, oh,

36:34

my God, me at my big age.

36:36

read this book and he just transformed the way

36:38

I think about different things and

36:41

I wish I would have read some of this

36:43

when I was younger. some parents

36:45

were like, I'm sharing it with my teenager because

36:47

she needs to hear this message just as much as I do.

36:49

And I'm like, oh, and they're like, man,

36:51

I wish I could just have one for them. And lot

36:53

of parents actually end up buying professional troublemaker

36:55

for their teams, but that went to write

36:58

rising troublemaker so it

36:59

can actually speak directly to them. I

37:02

took myself back to who I was at fifteen

37:04

and sixteen and thought about

37:06

what I needed to hear that had I heard

37:08

it back then would

37:10

have made my journey easier.

37:13

Even

37:13

the idea that

37:15

I can be too much

37:17

have permission to be too much. That

37:20

the thing that somebody might say am

37:22

too much of is truly my

37:24

superpower. Yeah. right,

37:26

as opposed to something that I'm trying to hide

37:28

and twist and turn. Right? I think about

37:30

how sometimes people will grow up and we

37:32

start looking for who we were. And I'm

37:34

like, but what happens when

37:36

we never just left that person behind,

37:38

who gave us permission

37:40

to embody all the magic that we

37:42

are, all the dreams that

37:44

we might have them might feel big and not even

37:46

attest to anything. Who told us, yes, I want

37:48

you to actually do that. So

37:50

I wrote rising troublemaker for the me

37:52

at fifteen and sixteen and seventeen who

37:55

had she heard these messages that

37:57

you are supposed to speak the truth. that

37:59

your voice matters, that you should build a

38:02

squad and find your helpers without any

38:04

problem. How out of held

38:06

onto that? So yeah, I

38:08

wrote this book for teens and

38:11

the feedback that I've been getting, I

38:13

had a somebody on LinkedIn post

38:14

about how their son who's four team,

38:17

J. V. on, now

38:18

said this is his favorite book he's ever read.

38:20

Oh. And he wrote me a letter

38:22

that was just so

38:25

affirming to my spirit. He talked about

38:27

how this book made him feel like

38:29

he was not too different.

38:32

Mhmm. and him and I have become

38:34

pen pals -- Uh-huh. -- because he's written me

38:36

these beautiful notes saying thank you so

38:38

much for your work.

38:39

And I'm like, oh my gosh.

38:42

I'm hoping a kid somewhere with

38:44

a name that sounds strange that

38:46

people use and and add burden

38:48

to reads my name, love you,

38:50

daddy, Jones, and goes, okay, I can ask somebody

38:53

to say my name better. Yeah. I can always

38:55

correct the

38:56

way I am spoken to. You

38:57

know, I'm hoping a young kid

39:00

who reads my book, watches my

39:02

TED Talk, something,

39:03

comes across my work,

39:06

feels affirmed by my presence,

39:09

knows that somebody else is out there who

39:11

at one point felt too different.

39:13

but use that thing that made them feel too

39:15

different

39:16

to serve the world.

39:19

So beautiful and

39:21

so generous that you then

39:23

continued

39:23

that conversation with him. That's

39:25

really, really beautiful.

39:27

Yeah.

39:28

I know that you were born in Nigeria

39:30

and you up in Chicago.

39:31

And I'm curious if you can enlighten

39:33

us. What

39:35

is the strongest aspect, let's say?

39:38

of

39:40

having that

39:42

history.

39:43

Yeah. You feel we

39:46

could benefit from. What is it about

39:49

being originally from

39:51

Nigeria,

39:52

from having parents who

39:54

come from that?

39:56

Like,

39:56

what does that leave

39:59

inside of you

39:59

that you feel

40:01

is

40:01

a really beautiful, strong

40:04

way

40:04

in which you see the world,

40:07

yeah, that we could all grow from

40:09

and benefit from. Yeah.

40:11

Being Nigerian, one of the biggest

40:13

pieces, our culture is very collectiveness,

40:15

and American culture is very individualistic. So

40:19

in growing up in

40:21

Nigeria, I watched how

40:24

the people I was around really exhibited

40:26

kindness and generosity. there

40:29

were moments where I remember somebody came

40:31

to visit us and they they

40:33

complimented my grandmother's shirt.

40:36

She excused herself,

40:39

went and changed, and handed this

40:41

shirt to the person who compliments her.

40:43

the ring that I wear on

40:46

my right hand is

40:48

a gold fill agree ring that one day

40:50

I saw my grandmother wearing and I was like, oh my

40:52

god, I love your ring so nice. She

40:55

took it off her hands and gave it to me. And

40:57

I wear this

40:57

ring every day as reminder of

41:01

how life is not just about

41:03

me. My life is not just about how

41:05

I'm able to live. How is my neighbor?

41:08

living. How is the person who

41:10

does not have access to that room

41:13

gonna get in that room? In what ways

41:15

am I using my power for the greater good

41:17

of somebody who does not have as much. That

41:19

much, I really

41:20

do attribute to my Nigerian background,

41:22

the way my mom raised me again, like, I

41:25

remember a kid came to our house. I I talked

41:27

about this in my first book. A kid came

41:29

to our house, and I had this dog that I loved. He

41:31

was like, this really like lifelike

41:33

doll, and it was my favorite toy ever,

41:35

even though I had all these different toys. And

41:37

this little girl came, did they were her mom,

41:40

I

41:40

didn't let her play with my doll. And I was like, no.

41:42

This is

41:42

my my jam.

41:44

And she really loved it. When

41:46

they were about to leave, my mom gave her my doll.

41:49

My

41:50

mom gave her my doll, and I

41:52

stopped. I was like, so upset.

41:54

And my mom snapped me down and was

41:56

like,

41:57

You have so many different toys.

42:01

You get new ones all the time.

42:03

That girl does not have as much as

42:05

you they

42:06

don't have as much money as us.

42:10

You should let her have it because for her,

42:12

it means the world. You will get another

42:14

one. And

42:15

it really really taught me. It was like

42:17

a visceral

42:18

lesson that

42:19

got modeled to me over and over

42:21

again about, yeah,

42:23

when

42:24

I have an abundance

42:27

and

42:27

somebody doesn't have enough,

42:29

my

42:29

job is to give some of my

42:31

abundance to that person. So

42:33

that's been a big piece

42:35

of my upbringing. And

42:38

I think it's such a gift that

42:40

I'm

42:41

hoping I also walk with. So

42:43

I actually wrote so since I have professional

42:46

troublemaker and I have rising troublemaker for teens,

42:48

I've written little troublemaker

42:51

for the babies, and

42:52

I infused that piece into that

42:54

character. It's little lovey character.

42:56

and she means well and she will always

42:59

give what she has, whether it's energy

43:01

and time. Because

43:02

it is very much a part of who I am

43:04

and how I've been it's embedded in

43:07

my DNA. I have no other choice

43:09

but to be somebody who gives

43:11

the kid as

43:13

much as she gets because I know

43:15

that's my responsibility.

43:17

That's such a beautiful story. And

43:20

it also goes to show that you

43:22

could be a little

43:24

girl with dolls and

43:27

practice generosity.

43:28

Like, people sometimes think

43:31

one day if I make x amount

43:34

of money, I

43:34

will be generous.

43:35

It's like, what right

43:37

now do you have to give? Is it

43:39

time? Yes. Is it love?

43:42

Is it setting someone up on a date with

43:44

this guy? You think you have

43:46

it now? Like, you need to wait.

43:49

because you had that moment and your

43:51

mom gave you that moment by giving

43:53

you sense you said purpose. Right? She

43:55

allowed you to be part of something that gave

43:57

you bigger

43:58

payoff than

43:59

playing with that doll, which is

44:01

we're giving her this

44:03

and together you're a part

44:06

of doing something for her that's significant.

44:08

So you just found significance. Can

44:10

you find significance playing with your doll?

44:13

No. Can you find significance in giving

44:15

this doll?

44:16

Yeah. Right? So that's --

44:18

Yes. -- no

44:19

wonder that left an impression because also,

44:21

you

44:21

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44:23

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44:26

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46:40

supply. So what is

46:43

on the horizon for you? Like,

46:45

as you're

46:45

looking into the future of dreaming

46:49

can dreams come through you?

46:51

Yeah. I'm just so curious,

46:53

like, what are you dreaming of?

46:55

Are you dreaming of journeying

46:58

around the world? Are you dreaming of

47:00

speaking on more stages? Are you dreaming

47:02

of your own meditation practices? Like,

47:05

what's in your dreams?

47:06

Yes.

47:07

So I

47:09

don't have the five year or ten year plan,

47:11

but

47:12

I just have the random dreams

47:14

that I want. So My first

47:16

picture book, Little troublemaker makes a mess.

47:18

It's coming out May second, twenty twenty

47:20

three. Mhmm.

47:21

My dream for that

47:23

is not only that it's read by millions

47:25

of kids

47:26

around the world. I wanna

47:27

see them different languages, but I

47:29

also

47:29

wanna see it turn into an actual cartoon

47:31

show. That's how I saw it. As soon as

47:33

you said

47:34

it, it was so obvious. Like, that's what it

47:36

is. I can see the character. I can see the doll

47:38

she's holding. The whole thing. She's awesome.

47:40

I already love her. Yes. Like,

47:42

I'm and I'm gonna show you the cover. You'll be

47:44

one of the first people seeing this cover. Got

47:47

it. But

47:48

I definitely want to

47:50

have her be a cartoon that

47:52

people get to watch this little girl

47:54

who is so

47:56

good hearted, big hearted, gold hearted, who

47:59

oh

48:00

itself assured, it's funny,

48:02

but she

48:03

doesn't always get it right. She

48:05

doesn't always get the execution right.

48:07

Oftentimes, her execution is trash.

48:10

but she always learns her lessons,

48:12

she grows, and she always learns

48:15

that her

48:15

mistakes don't

48:17

make her unlovable.

48:19

that

48:19

even when she doesn't get it right, she's

48:21

still worthy of love and grace. And

48:24

as long as she's learning and being better,

48:26

she's doing the right thing.

48:28

So I wanna see this girl with

48:30

her short hair,

48:31

she literally looks like just like me.

48:34

because that's what

48:35

I looked like at four or five. I actually

48:37

embodied this month. People would think a little buggy

48:39

is, like, adult me, putting

48:42

cartoon, but adult me is actually

48:44

just little lumpy, taller.

48:46

So I'm excited. I wanna see you turn

48:48

to a cartoon. wanna see

48:50

kids laughing along with her and

48:53

being like, uh-oh, along with her and

48:55

saying, yikes. Why should she do that?

48:57

So that's a big piece of my dream right now. And then

48:59

the other dream that I have,

49:01

I find it so important that

49:04

everybody else's stories

49:06

gets out. You know, one of the things

49:08

that I've been

49:09

able to do in this last

49:11

six years as an author, as a published author,

49:13

I've learned this industry, this

49:16

industry that often keeps people

49:18

out. And I think

49:19

it's been important that more of us especially

49:21

when when we're on margins, get our stories out.

49:24

So I'm gonna teach you a book publishing

49:26

course. Now whether you self publish

49:28

or get a traditional publishing deal, How

49:30

do you

49:31

write and create stories and

49:33

books and words that make impact

49:35

and look good while they're doing it?

49:37

So

49:37

that's something that's actually happening in the next six

49:39

months. It's not just a random dream.

49:41

I'm working on it right now. And then a

49:43

third dream You

49:44

know, it's not

49:46

even really much of a dream and and more of like

49:48

a life

49:48

goal. Just

49:50

building a life of ease and peace.

49:53

Continuing to build a life that's feels peaceful

49:55

and good

49:57

with way more ease and flow.

49:59

I love

49:59

all of that when you were describing

50:02

the book before you

50:05

told

50:05

me about that dream. I literally

50:08

thought to myself, that's a

50:10

show. Right? She's gonna mention it's a show. I think

50:12

I've already seen it. And then,

50:15

nope, it's

50:16

just so obvious that it will be,

50:18

that I'm like, man. I'm like, didn't

50:20

I see it? the exact thing

50:22

as you described it. You Wow.

50:25

because here's what is your energy

50:28

your energy signature it

50:30

puts it out here for me. I got it

50:32

before you even set it. I was like, done.

50:34

Not so done. I can't wait to see if it's gonna

50:36

be Disney or Hulu or whatever.

50:40

I love it too. I'm so in. I'm like,

50:42

that's done. That one's done.

50:44

they're all done. You know, they're all done. And

50:46

the last dream is so important and so beautiful

50:49

because the truth is that

50:51

our egos, we all have, Right? We

50:54

have this consciousness, and then we have this part of us.

50:56

It's like, you know, whatever that

50:58

part is, that's like the anti cell.

51:00

It's it thinks it needs to be busy all

51:02

the time. And the true things. Right. When

51:05

we give ourself ease, that

51:07

is when. Usually, we get the download.

51:09

That is usually when we

51:12

we stopped trying to control it and

51:14

like the most amazing life giving

51:16

moments come where we could just

51:18

have

51:18

a lightness of being. Just being the moment.

51:20

Yeah. Just being witnessed at

51:22

the moment, and it's just like everything we need

51:25

is in that moment. So -- Yes. --

51:27

so happy that you shared all that for

51:29

years, but also for everybody else.

51:31

And

51:31

by the way, people can preorder a little

51:33

troublemaker makes a mess now,

51:35

starting now. Where do they go to find it?

51:37

you can find it anywhere books are

51:39

sold, Amazon, Barnes and Noble's target.

51:41

So, like, my hope

51:42

is that y'all support my dream.

51:45

of getting this book in the hands of

51:47

millions of kids around the world.

51:50

But, yeah, I'm excited. And

51:52

I love the class because

51:55

Yes. For everything you've ever

51:58

executed, there's a line

51:59

of people who wanna know how you did that.

52:02

Mhmm.

52:02

So those

52:03

people if you're listening,

52:06

this is such a big golden opportunity

52:08

for them to learn with you from you.

52:10

how to tell their story, and it is so

52:13

important. Right?

52:14

Because when people tell their story, even

52:16

if they're the most different person from

52:18

you, Yes.

52:18

There's like no one you don't love

52:21

after hearing

52:22

their story.

52:23

It's like, oh my gosh.

52:27

I'm so grateful to have heard your

52:29

story. And it's because we just don't know enough

52:31

of the stories and we need to know them.

52:34

actually need to

52:35

know these stories. And so and the fact that you're

52:37

gonna help people to understand the

52:39

steps of how

52:40

to go about it,

52:41

Yeah. That's so cool. How can they find

52:43

out more about that class?

52:45

Yes. They can sign up for my newsletter, love

52:48

letter dot com, LUVV letter,

52:50

love letter, dot com. I'm actually gonna be

52:52

releasing AQ1 of twenty twenty three.

52:55

And, yeah, I think, listen,

52:57

we need more books

52:59

out there. Yeah. Stories are

53:01

the great equalizer. Whether they're fiction, whether

53:03

they're non fiction, your expertise, whether

53:06

you make people laugh, we need more

53:08

people to write books -- Yeah.

53:10

-- who are not just white

53:11

men. Right? So

53:14

Alright. Copy that. okay, what

53:16

a concept?

53:16

What does it look like for everybody else to get

53:18

their voice out there? So that's what I'm

53:20

passionate about, and I'm really excited about it because

53:22

I've been thinking about it for few years. And finally,

53:25

You know that whole, like, how

53:26

I move is when I'm convicted for it.

53:28

Yeah.

53:28

And I feel like I've been convicted. God is like,

53:31

ma'am, you

53:32

should do this now. And I'm like, alright. I hear

53:34

you. I was

53:35

just taking a walk this morning and I was thinking

53:37

about I posted this yesterday on my Instagram.

53:39

This is a

53:40

picture of my grandparents.

53:42

And I posted

53:44

it and it's a me because, you know, I'm

53:46

Jewish and my grandparents went through

53:49

all kinds of hell. And it's one

53:51

thing when you hear statistics or you

53:53

hear about the holocaust or millions of people

53:55

in gas chambers. But we don't really connect

53:57

to

53:57

numbers and stories. Right? Mhmm.

53:59

That's not

54:01

really how we connect to a story as, like,

54:03

numbers. You're like, you can't even conceive of it. And

54:05

it was amazing because, yes, today just felt

54:07

this need just to be like,

54:09

these

54:09

are the two people who taught me most about compassion.

54:12

Right.

54:12

And though they experience

54:15

the

54:15

greatest horrors that I could never

54:17

and I posted a photo of them, and

54:19

it's the photo and people wrote,

54:21

gosh, they were so beautiful. I can't you know, it's

54:24

like, yeah, when you see someone's face. And

54:26

then you know, like, that girl

54:29

who was sixteen, she

54:31

she experienced that you feel it

54:33

differently and it's like, I was worried.

54:36

I'm like, I'm gonna post this thing and there's gonna be

54:38

some hateful comments, but I'm not gonna turn off the comment.

54:40

There wasn't a single hateful comment

54:42

because it's

54:44

a person. It's a person with a story.

54:46

It's not a number. It's not a thing. It's what

54:48

That is it. Like, we keep

54:50

telling our stories. That

54:53

moves the needle so far. Right?

54:55

Absolutely. Absolutely. Statistics don't

54:57

hit.

54:57

Stories do. Stories hit to the heart.

55:00

Exactly.

55:01

So, anyways,

55:02

I love that you not

55:04

only

55:04

tell your story, but that you

55:07

use every ounce of energy God

55:09

gives you to help other people to come forward

55:11

and have the courage

55:12

to actually show you.

55:14

Here's

55:14

the cover. Oh my god. This is

55:16

so cute.

55:18

Right. I can't even stand

55:20

it.

55:22

Yeah. No. She's She

55:25

makes sense. And I love that

55:27

she has short hair. I love

55:29

that she's exactly

55:31

like you.

55:32

because it's just the

55:34

best. You also have

55:36

been recording you

55:38

were recording a podcast Where

55:39

do you wanna send people to? We've

55:42

got your newsletter. We're gonna put it in the show

55:44

notes. Tell everybody basically where they

55:46

can be hanging out with you, where they can follow

55:48

along. so they can be part of the journey.

55:50

man. I invite people

55:53

to follow me on social media. I am

55:55

at lovely, LUVVIE

55:57

on all form. One word. And

55:59

it's really there that I tell stories. I

56:02

I drop whatever I'm about to talk about.

56:04

You know, if you guys wanna follow me,

56:07

I definitely also make sure you are in

56:09

the know. Like, if you sign up to my newsletter

56:11

especially, you'll find out all these things that

56:13

I'm working on. because oftentimes I'll limit

56:15

things

56:16

so I can be able to serve

56:18

folks in

56:19

a real tangible way. But, yeah, my

56:21

social platforms have a good time. I share

56:23

my my days. What I'm

56:25

up to what I'm thinking about, what

56:27

I'm reflecting on and

56:30

sometimes we just talk

56:31

about shenanigans like, one of

56:33

my superpowers is making really good cup of

56:35

tea. You

56:36

know? So the

56:37

other day, I asked my audience, like, what's yours? And people

56:39

gave me theirs, and I was cracking up. But, yeah,

56:42

social media at lovey, Instagram, especially

56:44

where I hang out. But

56:46

I'm everywhere, TikTok. I just joined TikTok.

56:48

I said I'm part of auntie TikTok. I'm not doing

56:50

the dances. I'm not doing any

56:53

of the dances. I'm part of AitikTok. I'm

56:55

looking at recipes. I'm following the

56:57

perfume, girlies.

56:59

You know, that's my version of TikTok. I'm like,

57:03

you're so lovable. I'm

57:06

sure

57:06

that's why you have the perfect name.

57:08

because you really are. I love

57:10

that you're so alive

57:13

that that

57:14

all the multi faceted, beautiful

57:16

parts of the diamond, which is your

57:19

soul.

57:19

They shine equally. You know, it's like,

57:22

this is where I'm super silly. this

57:24

is where I get super conviction, you

57:26

know, oriented. It's like, it's all

57:28

welcome at the table. And if we go

57:31

that way, it's

57:32

such a pleasure. Right? Because then

57:34

people love you even more. It's like,

57:36

you play all the notes. You don't have to

57:38

only be known for this part of you. You can

57:41

be taking that part. Seriously. And

57:43

also, I love things, Star Wars. That

57:45

being so delightful. That

57:47

part. I'm trying to tell you, like, all parts of

57:49

ourselves welcome. I've never left

57:52

out one because I wanted

57:53

to build a brand. Even

57:54

when I was writing my blog and people were like, what

57:56

niche are you in? And I was like, I don't have a niche

57:59

What is I'm talking about whatever I feel like,

58:01

whenever I feel like. So one day I might be talking

58:03

about you might call my Instagram and I'm giving

58:05

a great business lesson. one day,

58:08

the next day I might be doing a random

58:10

carousel of House of The Dragons because I'm

58:12

obsessed with that show. day

58:14

after that, I might be talking about how, like, one day

58:16

wanna have a blazer collection. That's one of my dreams.

58:19

because I have, like, a massive collection of blazers.

58:21

So I wanna actually have, like, a collaboration

58:24

one day, and I posted a real yesterday about

58:26

it. And I'm, like, I'm just here waiting

58:28

on my blazer collection I'm gonna have one day.

58:30

I can't. Okay. But I'm claiming in

58:33

advance. I love it. So,

58:35

yeah, the t shirt the t shirt that I wear and the hat that

58:37

I wear is part of

58:38

my merch store. So

58:40

I'm launching a merge. So I'm always doing a bunch

58:42

of things. Now when I always explore all the different things

58:44

that I'm interested in that are deeply compelling

58:46

to me whether silly or serious,

58:49

It's

58:49

so good for the soul. That's

58:50

all I gotta say. I'm so glad we met it.

58:52

Thank you for coming on today.

58:55

Thank you for having me. I don't take it for granted

58:57

when people want me to share space with them. And when

58:59

they're sharing their people with me, it's

59:02

a big it's a big affirmation. So

59:04

thank you so much for seeing me for supporting

59:07

my voice and my work in this way, and I really

59:09

appreciate you deeply. Thank

59:11

you so much. We're putting notes show

59:13

notes

59:14

links to all the things, and

59:16

we'll we'll keep following along.

59:18

Thank you. Yes. Indeed. God

59:20

bless. Oh

59:21

my gosh. Lovey is incredible. I

59:23

had so much fun talking with her. Here are the takeaways.

59:25

Number one, keep listening to what

59:27

feels good and the universal get you into

59:29

the right places. You don't need a grand plan, just

59:31

do what feels compelling for you, what feels true,

59:34

what feels right for you today. Number

59:35

two, being professional troublemaker means speaking

59:38

the truth, knowing it's difficult, but doing the

59:40

hard things anyway. Number three. When

59:42

we choose authenticity, that is

59:44

when we belong because the people who are your people

59:46

will see you. When you're in the room where you truly

59:48

belong and you belong, that is harmony. Number

59:51

conflict is a growth opportunity. Welcome

59:53

conflict in. Because on the other side of it, you have

59:55

an understanding of who this person is

59:57

even more. Number five, we were

59:59

not born

59:59

if you people, please, we are born for suit purpose.

1:00:02

Number six, none of us are supposed to be perfect

1:00:04

giving yourself grace is probably the best gift

1:00:06

that you can give to yourself. You can always do

1:00:08

better tomorrow. Number seven, life

1:00:10

is not just

1:00:11

about you. It's about how you can use your power

1:00:13

for the greater good.

1:00:14

And number eight, you don't always have

1:00:16

to get it right, but you're always worthy of love

1:00:18

and grace. I can never say it

1:00:20

enough, but I'm really so grateful that you're

1:00:22

here, that you're here listening to this show.

1:00:24

We have some amazing guests coming on, so

1:00:26

please make sure that you're subscribed, an Apple

1:00:29

Podcast or you're following us on Spotify

1:00:31

or wherever you're listening. And if

1:00:33

you get something out of these episodes, it would

1:00:35

mean so much to me if you would text the link

1:00:37

to a friend or post about it in your Instagram

1:00:39

stories. You can always tag me at kathy

1:00:41

dot hell or you can also tag Lovey. She's

1:00:44

at LUVVIEI

1:00:44

know

1:00:46

that she'd be over the moon to see that you enjoyed

1:00:48

this. And

1:00:49

don't forget if you wanna come my house

1:00:51

for the next retreat in December. You can go

1:00:53

to kathy heller dot com slash luxe. What's

1:00:56

included in that program is three delicious

1:00:58

days with me. There's a

1:00:59

private chef. There's breath work. There's

1:01:00

private dance class. We have a stylist

1:01:03

coming in. You'll be getting professional photos

1:01:05

taken, and we will rewire your

1:01:07

money an abundance mindset and

1:01:10

you will leave here with clarity and

1:01:12

full abundance consciousness as well

1:01:14

as what is your next

1:01:16

step to allowing yourself to

1:01:18

get paid to do the highest and best

1:01:20

work that you came here to do. It's pretty amazing

1:01:22

what's happening. You can go to kathy hiller dot com

1:01:24

slash luxe. And if you just wanna do the

1:01:26

abundant ever after program, that

1:01:29

right now is on presale and there's some amazing

1:01:31

bonuses as

1:01:32

well as a disc account and you can just take the abundant

1:01:34

ever after online class portion if

1:01:36

you go to kathy holler dot comjoin. If

1:01:38

you want information about either of those, you can

1:01:40

come to my vMs on Instagram at kathy.

1:01:43

heller. I'm happy to chat with you there.

1:01:45

My team is happy to chat with you there. And if

1:01:47

you're an alumni, you would definitely get a discount.

1:01:49

So definitely reach out about that for special pricing.

1:01:52

I love you so

1:01:52

much. I'll leave you with a saga line, and I'll talk

1:01:54

to you soon.

1:02:04

I'm through it waiting on

1:02:06

the sidelines.

1:02:10

I'm through a bridge ending. It's

1:02:13

okay.

1:02:16

I'm gonna writing a story

1:02:19

of a lifetime.

1:02:23

I'm gonna say I

1:02:25

need to say. Oh,

1:02:31

I

1:02:31

wanna be wild. wanna

1:02:33

be free. Bye.

1:02:37

I'm taking the chance and taking

1:02:39

the leap. So my

1:03:22

I'm through is red

1:03:24

from the thunder. I'm

1:03:29

gonna that with

1:03:31

the storm.

1:03:36

Never let it pull me under

1:03:41

stronger than I ever before.

1:03:49

I wanna be wild. I wanna

1:03:52

be free. I'm

1:03:56

taking a chat. I'm taking

1:03:58

the lead. Cush I

1:05:05

wanna be wild. I wanna

1:05:07

be free. Bye.

1:05:11

I'm taking the chance. I'm taking

1:05:13

the leap. I'm gonna live

1:05:15

like a mighty ocean crash

1:05:19

along shore. I'm

1:05:21

gonna love it like my heart has whether

1:05:32

I'm in a basket, but

1:05:35

I'll do it in any way.

1:05:38

Someone fried should be friends.