0:05

and today's episode is called

0:07

don't be an ask

0:10

. That's an acronym . Don't be an ask

0:12

.

0:13

Right , lyman , take it away you

0:16

know , when we say don't be

0:18

an ask okay , not the other

0:21

one , but , as you said , ask

0:23

, don't be ass what we're talking about are

0:25

those individuals that are always

0:27

seeking . Now that's what ass stands for Always

0:30

seeking out but never executing

0:32

. Give you an example , and you ever had

0:35

this happen , maybe when you were in Hollywood

0:37

, or maybe it was a concierge . Well , someone will

0:39

come up to you and say , hey , can I pick your brain

0:41

, can

0:49

you give me two minutes ? And of course we want to help people . And so they say , sure , no problem

0:51

, but we're thinking two minutes , and that two minutes turns into 20 minutes and they're

0:53

asking you a litany of questions . You give them advice only

0:56

for a week or two . Later they

0:58

come back and say I know

1:00

, you told me to do X , y , z , but

1:02

I didn't have time . And now the situation

1:04

is worse .

1:07

Unleash your potential with MetaMindstream Disrupting

1:10

possibilities . Dive into the fusion

1:12

of positive neuroscience and business strategies

1:14

with Anne Scotland and Dr Lyman Montgomery

1:17

. Break free from limiting beliefs

1:19

, expand extraordinary lives

1:21

and boost business profitability

1:23

.

1:27

Welcome , welcome , welcome back to

1:29

Focused MetaMindstream

1:32

. We are so excited to have you here today

1:34

helping us disrupt what's possible

1:36

, which means in your business and your

1:38

life . How do we get rid of those limiting

1:41

beliefs and what are the practical steps

1:43

we can take to overcome them

1:45

and move our business and our life

1:47

experience into a much happier and

1:50

more easy place

1:52

of living ? Why live life the hard way , right Lyman

1:54

?

1:55

Absolutely yes .

1:58

So when we do this , if you are just joining

2:00

us , we do this by combining the principles of

2:02

positive neuroscience with actionable

2:04

business strategies later lifestyle

2:06

strategies . In the two parts of the show , first

2:09

half is business , the second half is

2:11

about lifestyle . We have a lot of fun there

2:13

. If you are

2:15

just viewing with us for the first time

2:17

, please like , subscribe and share

2:19

this link with someone who would enjoy the show . We

2:21

would super appreciate that . So

2:24

what we do here is we basically have a candid and

2:26

provocative conversation . We

2:28

talk about meta mindset , what that means , about

2:31

its influence in your daily life . We

2:33

explore some taboo topics that

2:35

are sometimes like what Nobody

2:37

talks about this , but we're not afraid to , and

2:40

offering those insights for achieving financial

2:43

stability and less stress . So

2:45

we're really excited to share this

2:47

day with you , and today's episode

2:50

is called Don't Be an ASK

2:52

. That's

2:54

an acronym Don't be an ask

2:57

. Right , lyman ? Take it

2:59

away .

3:00

You know , we say don't

3:02

be an ask . Ok , not the

3:04

other one , but , as you said , a-s-k

3:07

. Don't be an ask . What we're talking about are those

3:09

individuals that are always

3:11

seeking knowledge . That's what ask stands for always

3:14

seeking knowledge , but never executing

3:16

. Give you an example , ann . You ever had

3:19

this happen , maybe when you were in Hollywood

3:21

, or maybe it was a concierge . Well , someone will

3:23

come up to you and say hey , can I pick your brain

3:25

? Can you give me two minutes ? And

3:28

of course we want to help people . And so

3:30

you say , sure , no problem . But we're

3:32

thinking two minutes , and that two minutes turns into 20

3:34

minutes and they're asking

3:36

you a litany of questions . You

3:39

give them advice Only for a week or two . Later they

3:42

come back and say I know

3:44

you told me to do X , y , z , but

3:46

I didn't have time . And now the situation

3:48

is worse . Can

3:51

I pick your brain ?

3:51

again . Ok , I

3:54

have an example of this . One

3:56

of the things that you would always easily get sucked

3:58

into in Hollywood in particular was

4:00

people , and I give

4:02

them a little credit for being a good salesperson

4:04

. But

4:10

I didn't respond . I was too nice . So they would say hey , do you just have a minute of your time

4:12

? And you know someone you've been introduced to before and you're like yeah , sure , and they're like awesome

4:15

, I was just wondering if you could do me the tiniest favor . I'm

4:17

like yeah , of course . They're like listen

4:19

, I just emailed you my entire manuscript

4:21

. Can you read it for me ? Proofread it ? Let me know all

4:23

your thoughts . Well , I am meticulous

4:26

at my own . Writing takes me years sometimes

4:28

. So I'm like well

4:30

, I'm really busy right now , but I'll try to take

4:32

a look , and especially if it's someone , you're like oh

4:34

, I really want to help this young artist . You know

4:36

, I really think they're amazing . And so

4:39

over the next two or three months , you like slave

4:41

away at this manuscript that need lots

4:44

of work . And you're like okay , here

4:46

it is . And then they're like oh , oh

4:49

, thanks , I really appreciate that . But yeah , we decided

4:51

not to make it . And you're just

4:53

like complete

4:57

waste of time .

4:59

Yeah

5:02

, it happens . And you know , I'm reminded

5:04

of a friend of mine we went to school

5:06

together that for about two

5:08

years would call me periodically

5:11

for the same situation

5:13

. Hey man , uh , you still

5:15

doing business coaching ? Yes , I am

5:17

. Well , I'm thinking about starting a business

5:20

and I wanted to pick your

5:22

brain and find out , as far

5:24

as financing , which option

5:26

should I do ? Should I do debt financing

5:28

? And eventually I said , let me ask

5:30

you something . This is the fourth

5:33

conversation we've had . Have you

5:35

even registered for your business

5:37

yet ? Oh , no , I'm still gathering information

5:39

. I said I'll tell you what when

5:41

you do the first part , at least come up with a

5:43

business name , then call me . Never

5:45

heard from him again . No , he

5:51

would call periodically , at least once

5:53

twice a year . That same

5:55

situation , ask a thousand

5:58

questions . You give him advice

6:00

, do this , this and the other , and

6:02

he never executed .

6:04

Wow , advised

6:07

do this , this and the other , and he never executed . Wow , and I think

6:10

that what we're saying right here before we go to our first break is , instead

6:12

of taking action , they

6:14

only ask . So asking

6:16

versus action is

6:19

the difference . You can ask

6:21

a little and take a lot of action , and then

6:23

maybe ask again . But when you just ask

6:25

and people get confused

6:27

because they think the energy

6:29

expended in asking is somehow

6:31

taking them towards the goal , it

6:34

is , but not if it's asking

6:36

alone . If you aren't applying

6:38

it , if you aren't taking action , making

6:41

application , it doesn't matter

6:43

how much knowledge you gather , you're never going to get

6:45

there . Well , this is amazing . I think it's going to be really

6:47

fun . So , everybody

6:49

, stick around . We're going to take a quick commercial break , come

6:51

back to this and then also

6:54

in our second half , we're going to talk about , in

6:56

the lifestyle segment , people who always complain

6:59

but never apply solutions

7:02

, don't even get started . But

7:05

first we're going to to go back to . Don't be an

7:07

ask , we'll see you in a moment

7:09

.

7:12

Unleash the power of focused metamindset

7:14

lunch and learn sessions . Sharpen

7:16

problem solving skills , spark innovation

7:18

, foster collaboration and

7:21

build adaptability and resilience . Elevate

7:23

your team's success and profits . Discover

7:26

more at wwwfocusmetamindsetcom

7:30

.

7:31

Okay , okay , welcome . Welcome back

7:33

to Focus , meta Mindset

7:35

and Meta Mindstream today with

7:37

Dr Lyman Montgomery and myself , and

7:39

we're talking about in our business segment today

7:42

don't be an ask , that

7:44

is an A period , s period , k period

7:46

, in case you're just joining us and

7:49

Lyman , tell us a little bit more about this

7:51

. And then also , what are some action

7:53

steps we can do to get out of

7:55

this fuffle

7:58

? I guess is what my grandma used to call it that

8:00

we get ourselves into . What can

8:02

we do ?

8:04

When you are in business or you're thinking about

8:06

going in business and maybe you're meeting with

8:08

a client or a potential client , you

8:11

want to steer clear of

8:13

people that are asked A-S-K

8:15

. Not the other one that all of us have

8:18

but what happens

8:20

is you can find yourself in

8:22

this information answer

8:24

loop where they ask

8:26

questions , you provide information , they

8:29

ask another question , you provide information

8:31

, and it's almost like being on that proverbial

8:33

hamster wheel where they never get off

8:35

to implement . So , for those of you

8:37

that are just joining us , ask is

8:40

an acronym that stands for always

8:42

seeking knowledge , yet fail to execute

8:45

. These are the ones that will say

8:47

things like this hey , you have

8:49

two minutes for me to

8:51

pick your brain . Hey , can we do

8:54

lunch ? I want to answer a couple of questions

8:56

. Or they might say you

8:58

know , I know you've worked with me before

9:00

and I know I'm probably bothering

9:03

you , me

9:06

before it , and I know I'm probably bothering you , but it'll really , really help me

9:08

if you could just spend a few minutes to help me solve

9:10

a problem , and you would do that . And they come

9:12

back again and never implement . So

9:14

how do we now overcome

9:18

that , ann ? And let me ask you this question

9:20

, because it's kind of interesting . Have you

9:22

ever been in a situation

9:24

in where someone has called

9:27

you and said I

9:29

know you've helped me in the past and

9:32

I still want to be a client of yours , but I

9:34

just got a couple of more questions before I

9:36

sign up . You ever had that happen

9:38

?

9:39

Yes .

9:40

That's a loop . That's a loop

9:42

, it's a trap . Notice what they said . I

9:44

know I want to be a customer , but I got a few

9:47

more questions and this might be

9:49

the third or fourth conversation

9:51

. You've answered all of their questions and

9:54

what they're doing is they're trying to

9:56

build a house without

9:58

getting a construction crew or an

10:00

architecture firm . They're trying to

10:02

go in alone , do it themselves . They're going to mess

10:04

it up because they don't want to

10:07

invest in themselves

10:09

and get an expert . So how do

10:11

we get out of that loop , ian ? The

10:13

first one is when a person

10:15

asks a question , make sure

10:17

that that question is

10:19

tied to a purpose . So I would always say something

10:21

like this so , if

10:24

I understand , the purpose of

10:26

your question is you want

10:28

to know X , y , z , and

10:32

they oftentimes will say yeah

10:36

, then I say I might follow up with

10:38

when it comes

10:40

to asking questions . What do you plan to do

10:43

with the information

10:45

that's provided to you ? Because

10:47

that's going to let me know if they say well

10:50

, you know , I'm just curious , curious

11:01

. Cut them off If you get answers like well , I just want to know for curiosity

11:03

or for knowledge . Say , you ever had that one happen ? Oh , I'm just curious .

11:06

Well , no , I have had that happen and

11:08

it's like , oh my God . And over time

11:10

, you start getting to the point where you're like , okay , this is

11:12

a waste of time , and you start

11:15

learning these steps that you're sharing

11:17

right now . And one of the little

11:19

tools I do , which is you know the

11:22

purpose of asking is I answer their question

11:24

with a question . Because

11:26

, I'm going to put the burden on

11:28

them , not me . I'm going to put the question

11:30

with the question . I'm happy to be helpful and I will

11:32

be , but instead of letting

11:34

them kind of goad you through a meaningless conversation

11:37

, it's like ask them a question

11:39

. You can make a sale out of it .

11:41

Absolutely . Yeah , yeah , that is great

11:43

. The second point of the

11:45

three point is number one . Make sure

11:48

that they're learning with the purpose . So they're asking

11:50

because they really want to learn and there's a purpose

11:52

for it . The second is focus

11:55

them . Are they focused ? Are they scattered ? Are

11:57

they like squirrels all over the place

11:59

? If a person is like a squirrel

12:02

in their conversation , you

12:04

have to bring them into focus , to your point

12:06

, by asking a question . So you mentioned

12:09

five different things . What are you

12:11

willing to work on first , so you not only focus

12:13

them but you help them set a clear

12:15

path or prioritize , rather

12:18

than there's five questions

12:20

and five sub questions to

12:23

the five questions . So before you know

12:25

it , you've spent 25 minutes

12:27

and have answered 50 questions

12:29

. When they start off , they only need two minutes

12:31

of your time . The third

12:33

part is do

12:35

they have an accountability system ?

12:38

I got to go back to the squirrel

12:41

here . So would you remember

12:43

that ? Uh , that video that went around YouTube

12:45

a few years ago . It was about a golden

12:47

retriever and a squirrel and of course

12:49

it had the over the narration over the top

12:51

of what the golden retriever is thinking

12:54

in his brain . He's looking at this , he's looking at his toy

12:56

, he's looking at that , and then he

12:58

literally goes . His entire body goes

13:01

like this because he sees a squirrel

13:03

and the question it's

13:05

really funny if you can find it to watch it . But so

13:07

in our house , whenever someone is

13:09

jumping to is easily distractible

13:11

and is not staying on target , when

13:14

they're not staying focused , we

13:16

say squirrel , squirrel there you go . Anyway

13:19

, that's fun to use in my house , no it

13:21

is .

13:23

That's absolutely funny . I'm sorry I'm cracking myself

13:25

up because I see that image .

13:26

You'll enjoy it . I promise You'll see it

13:28

. It's very fun .

13:30

You know people , you talk to

13:32

them and they're all over the place and you have

13:34

to refocus them by asking a

13:36

question to your point earlier . And

13:39

the third part of that is asking

13:42

so what do you plan to

13:44

do with this and who's going to hold you accountable

13:46

? That's probably

13:48

the most important question , the

13:50

accountability piece piece

13:59

Because , let's face it , if I'm going to take time away from business to spend

14:01

time with someone , I want to know number one , the purpose or the

14:03

intent behind it . Are they focused

14:05

? Do they have a clear path to

14:08

where they need to go or would like to go

14:10

? And then I want to know so

14:12

who's going to hold you accountable

14:14

for making sure it's done ? Oftentimes

14:17

this leads to a nice sale . They say you know

14:19

, I really don't have . That's probably the biggest problem . Well

14:22

, that's why you need a coach and we can help you

14:24

when you partner with us . We

14:26

serve as that accountability partner

14:29

to keep you on task

14:31

, to make sure you stay focused and

14:33

not be like that rock

14:35

wilder or retriever , I

14:37

think you said , running around chasing squirrels all

14:40

over the country .

14:42

And it's so true . Yeah Well

14:44

, I want to touch on accountability here , because

14:46

you're just bringing it up again , which is , you

14:49

know , the kind of accountability that we use . So

14:52

when we're working with our clients , as you know , accountability

14:55

is a friendly , fun experience

14:58

. 95% of the time , we

15:00

don't want to be taskmasters . We don't

15:02

want to be you know . We're just like give

15:05

us bookends , check in , let's touch base

15:07

with you , let's go over the checklist Every time we talk

15:09

like how are we constantly keeping

15:11

you moving towards your goal ? Not static

15:13

. Most

15:17

people set goals and stay static . I'm like don't stay static , you got to keep moving

15:19

. And then , every now and then , you

15:21

know maybe 5% of the time , you get to

15:23

someone where it's like they're being incredibly

15:25

stubborn and not

15:27

taking action and you're like you know you're paying me

15:29

really good money to give you answers

15:32

, to take your business to exactly where you want it

15:34

, but you won't do anything . So

15:36

we're going to get you know then . Then you come up that

15:38

tiny little 5% of sort of

15:40

tough love . If they don't respond to that

15:43

, then we're like you know what ? I just don't have time

15:45

to work with you because you're not taking

15:47

action . I like I don't want to be

15:50

someone's like mean

15:52

boss . I want to be your partner , your

15:54

friend , your buddy , who gives you positive

15:56

encouragement and accountability , not

15:58

nasty accountability . And if that's what you're

16:00

looking for , then I'm the wrong person .

16:02

And you know , there's two questions on the questionnaire

16:04

that we like to ask , and that is a

16:07

willingness versus an inability

16:09

. You can work with someone

16:11

that might lack the inability they don't

16:13

have the skill , they don't have the knowledge , they

16:15

don't have a way forward

16:18

, a clear path forward . But if

16:20

a person or persons

16:22

are unwilling to do the work

16:24

, there's very little we can do for them

16:26

, and that's why it has

16:28

to be a situation

16:31

where it's mutually beneficial

16:33

for both , and we've had people pay

16:35

a deposit , pay a retainer

16:37

, but they simply won't do the work . It's

16:39

almost as if they think , if I

16:41

pay X amount of dollars , then

16:44

magically , through osmosis

16:46

or something , the work is going to

16:48

get done , and that's absolutely

16:50

a fallacy . You have to do

16:52

the work . Our role is

16:55

to guide you to where

16:57

you want to be , to identify the gaps

16:59

in your business , in your life , and

17:02

create a path forward

17:04

for you , but also walk with

17:07

you on that journey to success

17:09

. However you define success , would

17:12

you agree , ann ?

17:13

A qualified thought partner is

17:15

what we do that's our job as

17:17

business coaches is to

17:20

be a trained and qualified thought

17:22

partner . You wouldn't need us if

17:25

you had all the answers right so

17:27

, but when you need answers you don't

17:29

have , we are trained and qualified to give

17:31

you those as your thought partner , and what I love

17:34

about that is it's a creation

17:36

in progress . Whatever it is you're building

17:39

in your business or your life , even , it's

17:41

a creation in progress and we're your thought

17:43

partner , which is fun and exciting .

17:47

I love it . I love it , and that's

17:49

so true . You know a thought

17:52

partner to help you think through , work

17:54

through , but ultimately you have

17:56

to be about doing the work . You

17:59

know we can help you in so many different areas

18:01

, but the one thing we cannot do we

18:03

cannot do the hard work

18:05

for you .

18:08

Absolutely yeah . No , you have to do your own work

18:10

. It's you know you can have the

18:13

best Olympic

18:15

coach in the whole world to yourself

18:18

, but if you don't do the

18:20

training , you will never win . You

18:22

can throw millions of dollars if someone

18:25

will sponsor you at that best Olympic coach

18:27

. If you don't do the training , you

18:29

will never win . Now , if

18:31

you do the training and don't hire a

18:33

coach , you probably also

18:35

will never win . And this is what people

18:37

tend to forget about in accountability

18:39

, and we always remind them around . The principles

18:41

of a focused meta mindset is

18:44

it's a team effort . No

18:47

one is so smart that they have all

18:49

the answers to the challenge or their business

18:51

needs , because we all have different personalities

18:53

, different experiences , different training . But

18:56

bringing in experts who know how to fill

18:58

in those gaps and work with you

19:00

moving in the same direction , that's genius

19:02

and that's when you see things really get done

19:04

. I mean , how many times do we see teams

19:08

trying to function without direction ? Or

19:10

how many times do we see an

19:12

entrepreneur who struggles

19:14

to build their business

19:17

and five , 10 , 15 years

19:19

later they are still nowhere because

19:22

the elements of personality and skill

19:24

that they needed , they didn't

19:27

internalize all of them . They

19:29

didn't have all those skills and gifts and

19:31

they were like oh , I can do it myself , I'm not going to spend money

19:33

on wasting my money on other people , but

19:36

you don't have a team , you don't have a business

19:38

and I don't care whether that's people you pay or don't pay

19:40

. If you don't have a team , you don't have a

19:42

real functional that is so true .

19:44

That is so , absolutely

19:46

true and we've seen

19:49

it time and time again . I

19:51

don't care how great you are personally

19:53

If you look at let's take sports , for example

19:56

. Care how great you are personally If you look at let's take

19:58

sports , for example . Michael Jordan , who many

20:00

would consider to be one of the greatest

20:02

ballplayers of all time

20:04

, had a coach . You look at

20:06

LeBron Jordan what do they have

20:08

in common ? Coaches . You look

20:10

at skaters

20:13

, whether it's downslope

20:17

skiing or figure skating

20:19

, they all have coaches

20:22

, because you cannot see

20:24

your own blind spots

20:26

. Let me prove this real

20:28

quick . I want everyone , without

20:30

the use of a mirror , to

20:33

tell me what's in the middle of

20:35

your back . Go ahead

20:38

, Try , you cannot

20:41

do it . You

20:51

cannot see what's in back of you without some type of assistance , either a mirror or someone

20:53

saying , hey , what's in back ? And too often people

20:55

are trying to drive their car

20:58

looking forward in reverse

21:00

.

21:00

You're going to hit something that

21:03

whole thing of not being able to see on your back . That just

21:05

reminds me of that old high school prank those

21:07

nasty boys you're always putting mean

21:09

notes on your back and other people's back

21:12

and everyone's laughing and you're like what

21:14

, what , what , yeah

21:18

, yeah until your friend says you

21:20

got something on your back .

21:22

Exactly because we're designed , we're created

21:24

, we evolve to move forward

21:27

. But you need someone to

21:29

cover your rear cya

21:32

, cover your assets . You need someone to cover

21:34

your assets because you cannot

21:36

see in back of you

21:38

. So that's the purpose of a coach to be

21:40

able to do a 360 , see

21:42

what's in front , what's on the side

21:45

. Now you can see someone through your periphery

21:47

, but wouldn't it be better to have someone

21:49

say hey , I got you and that's

21:51

what coaching , that's what working with

21:53

consultants do Someone that can

21:55

see what's in back of you or your

21:57

past and help you make

22:00

a path forward ?

22:02

So let's talk to for a moment going

22:04

back to don't be an ask

22:08

and the solutions , the actionable

22:11

steps to and if

22:13

anyone's just joining us now , ask

22:16

stands for always seeking knowledge and parentheses

22:18

after that would be never taking action

22:21

. So one of the key points you

22:23

said in taking action

22:25

is focus and prioritizing

22:28

. And what are some steps

22:30

that our viewers can use to

22:32

specifically increase their

22:34

focus ? Because I think prioritizing

22:37

sometimes you know we do lists , but

22:39

focus is hard . So talk

22:41

about focus just a little .

22:43

Yeah . So whenever you feel yourself

22:45

distracted , you're looking at multiple

22:47

different things always ask yourself this question

22:49

. This has to bring you questions to your focus

22:51

, what you focus on you

22:54

tend to do , for example

22:56

, if I'm distracted

22:59

or I have three or four different ideas

23:02

, how do I narrow that down to the

23:04

one singular idea ? By asking

23:06

a question similar to this what

23:09

is in alignment with what I

23:11

hold to be true ? Be

23:18

true , that question right there eliminates probably two-thirds of them . This one

23:20

doesn't feel right . This one there's something about it . But which of these

23:22

is in alignment with what I

23:24

hold to be true ? And

23:27

that's going to help you narrow it down . There's

23:29

other things , but just asking that simple

23:31

question will at least help narrow

23:34

your opportunities and

23:36

bring things closer into

23:38

focus . Because remember

23:41

, we've said as many , many times on this show it's

23:43

not always agreement , but it is about

23:46

alignment .

23:48

That's an example alignment

23:53

as an example ? Absolutely no . I think that's so , so important and that's as you said

23:55

. We we mentioned that so many times . It is such a key element

23:58

in the principles of a focused

24:00

meta mindset . Uh , because

24:02

when you're not in agreement but

24:04

you're in alignment , you can still have motion is how I see it , because you can

24:07

work side by side in the same direction . You can still have motion is how I see it because

24:09

you can work side by side in the same direction

24:11

. But if you're going head to head

24:13

in a narrow space and you can't get past

24:15

each other , whether that's your own

24:17

conflicting issues , whether that's a team member

24:19

, whether that's someone else in your world

24:22

, you're going nowhere . If

24:24

you have , I don't know . I just got back from Portugal

24:26

and you know , like many of the really old

24:28

European cities , some of the streets

24:30

in these old , old cities are

24:32

barely the width of a very tiny

24:35

Fiat , and so

24:37

there's been more than once that I've basically

24:39

gotten stuck by , you know , taking

24:41

the wrong turn , ending up in one

24:43

of these tiny streets . People's front doors

24:45

, like literally , they can't open their door if your car is

24:47

there that's how narrow it is and

24:50

so we

24:52

have fireworks going off , which is better

24:55

um so

24:57

uh those are the sparks from my mirrors

25:00

. I think that was what was happening anyway . And

25:02

then here comes a car the other

25:04

way , uh , someone with

25:06

a trailer who's really annoyed and

25:08

wants to just make their delivery , and you

25:10

didn't know it was one-way street , et cetera , et cetera . Where

25:12

are you going ? Absolutely nowhere

25:15

. So this point is this is why

25:17

we get deadlocked when

25:19

confrontation and when we

25:21

are trying to always be

25:24

in agreement . We get deadlocked

25:26

because the only way to get

25:28

out of this being stuck is

25:31

one person has to admit or

25:33

take a defeating position and back

25:35

away . I was fine , I'll back

25:38

away . You know , if you both back away

25:40

, then you're like you both come back in . Right , it's

25:42

like it's my turn . It's my turn , it's my turn , I was being nice

25:44

, but instead

25:46

it's like no , let's find a street

25:48

that works , let's go in alignment

25:51

. We can have two lanes , we can go side by

25:53

side and when we're side by side , we can both

25:55

achieve our goal . And that's

25:57

such an important concept

26:00

to understand in your

26:02

meta mindset and how the ways

26:04

it can change your life are endless

26:06

.

26:11

Yeah , it's like , for example , real quick , and then we've got a break coming up

26:13

. It's almost like saying , you know , I got this great big SUV trying to

26:15

go through this narrow truck . We're heading the same

26:17

direction . What if I park my SUV

26:19

and we share a ride streets

26:33

rather than I'm trying to force my way , this great big SUV that's going

26:36

to tear up some stuff or injure myself or get stuck , yeah

26:38

, and then unable to even get out of the vehicle

26:40

, and so sometimes it's about you know what . We're

26:43

heading the same direction . It's okay , I'm going to park

26:45

my idea here and

26:47

I'm going to join with

26:49

and get in her vehicle , because

26:52

her vehicle will get us there

26:54

quicker and safer

26:56

than me being beholden to

26:58

my great big , grandiose idea

27:00

.

27:02

And it's still about being in alignment , because even if

27:04

I get in your car or vice versa

27:06

, we're still both facing forward and we're

27:08

next to each other . We're still in alignment

27:11

going this way , as opposed to having

27:13

to be in agreement . You know it's a fine

27:15

line and people always argue with that

27:17

example , but it's such a powerful principle

27:19

. Well , we do have to take our

27:22

last break and we have a little more great stuff

27:24

for you in our lifestyle segment coming up

27:26

right after the break . We're going to talk about

27:28

something right up the alley we've been discussing

27:31

. Right after the break , we're going to talk about something right up the alley we've

27:33

been discussing People who always complain but never apply

27:36

solutions . Stay

27:38

tuned , We'll be right back .

27:39

Unleash the power of strategic neuroscience

27:42

with Focused Meta Mindset Inc . Boost

27:49

your decision making , sales , sustainable growth

27:51

and customer engagement . Scan the

27:53

QR code now for an exclusive consultation . Elevate your profitability

27:56

with Focused Meta Mindset Inc .

27:59

Welcome back to our final

28:01

segment of Focused Meta

28:03

Mindstream , our show Meta Mindstream . So

28:06

excited to have you here on our episode today

28:08

and

28:10

we just finished our business segment and it's called Don't Be an Ask

28:13

A-S-K . And

28:15

if you didn't see that part , you're going to want to go

28:17

back after this has been recorded

28:20

because it's a fun and

28:22

very practical segment on what

28:24

are the applications you can take to

28:27

change your business right now and

28:30

, as always , be in alignment not necessarily

28:32

agreement , brand new stuff . You're going to want

28:34

to check it out . But now we're in our lifestyle segment

28:36

, which is often the most fun and

28:39

what we're talking about today again , people who

28:41

aren't necessarily in alignment , lyman

28:43

people who always complain

28:46

but never apply solutions

28:49

. Oh , my goodness , I

28:51

have had two or three prime

28:54

examples of that in my life . Also

28:56

many smaller examples , but

28:59

in lifestyle , since we're talking about life now

29:02

, there's been a couple of friendships

29:04

that I've had to I'll call

29:06

truncate , not terminate , but

29:08

limit limit . Not

29:10

terminate , but limit limit Because I'm

29:14

a sensitive person , I'm an intuitive person

29:16

. I , you know , I reflect

29:18

people's energy and I

29:20

would hang out with someone who I'd known since childhood

29:23

and they were so

29:25

negative . Not

29:28

a family member , just to

29:30

be clear , friend Always complaining . All they ever did was complain

29:33

and as we

29:35

got older it just got worse and finally

29:37

, you know , as an adult I had to be

29:39

like , yeah , I'm just not being going to

29:41

be so available anymore because it would get me

29:43

so down . And I'm

29:46

a natural born coach , which means drives

29:48

my husband crazy , because I always have a solution for

29:50

everything . Sometimes he doesn't want a solution , he just wants

29:52

to complain . So , fair enough to each

29:54

their own . I understand

29:57

it can be aggregating whichever side of the

29:59

wall you're on on that . No

30:01

, he , he takes very practical steps

30:03

. But sometimes , you know , people just

30:05

want to complain and I think that's totally

30:08

normal every now and then . But when that's

30:10

your constant mode of conversation

30:12

, you just can't do it anymore . I'm

30:15

like I can't . Here's 17

30:17

ways you could solve this problem or at least take

30:19

one small step Next time you go

30:21

to lunch . It's the same old thing with

30:23

this friend . Have you ever experienced that ?

30:33

working in healthcare . I was a nursing assistant in high school and this is

30:35

the time I wanted to be a hospital nursing home administrator many , many years ago

30:37

. And so I'm like 16 , 17 , working

30:40

in this nursing home and there was this little

30:43

old lady that I

30:45

would take care of . I would help get her ready

30:47

in the morning , bathe her , dress

30:50

her and everything , and every

30:52

time I got ready to leave she would magically

30:55

never fail . Oh , oh

30:57

, I just got a pain . Can you come

30:59

turn me over , and I would

31:01

go and adjust her bed , turn

31:03

her over right , getting ready to leave

31:05

, are you okay , ms Johnson ? Let's say

31:07

her name is Ms Johnson . I'll remember her name . Yes

31:17

, I'm fine . So later , oh , oh , can you come back and just sit with me ? What's wrong , ms Johnson ? Oh

31:19

, I don't know . I just feel and what she really wanted was attention

31:22

. And so what I realized is

31:24

sometimes people complain

31:26

because that's the only way they can get

31:28

attention because that's the only way they can get

31:30

attention .

31:31

Absolutely , I think so

31:33

because , you know , I

31:38

think it can become a rut and a habit and obviously some people fall into it more

31:40

naturally with their personality type . I

31:43

have this one friend who

31:46

is love . This friend have

31:48

known them my whole life . I'm not going to not

31:50

be their friend , but they

31:52

are very entertaining and they are a teller

31:54

of tall tales . Have you ever met in the

31:57

teller of tall tales ? I don't know if

31:59

that's your own liar in

32:01

this case , yeah , and they're like

32:03

always the center of the party . Everybody

32:05

loves them and I'm out there listening

32:08

and I've known them for too long , right , because I'm like , yeah

32:10

, sure you did . Oh my , my God , yes

32:13

, oh my gosh , how can anyone

32:15

believe you and people are around like this

32:17

? It's sort of like that addiction , being

32:19

a complainer being negative

32:22

. Especially with complaining , you get addicted

32:24

, as you were saying , to being the center of

32:26

attention and maybe

32:28

their life is boring , maybe

32:30

they don't think they're naturally interesting

32:32

, maybe they grew

32:34

up in a family of complainers , which

32:37

in my experience was true of

32:39

this , of that person , and I felt

32:41

bad for them , but that didn't mean that

32:43

they didn't pull me down every time I was around

32:45

them because I was like I just

32:47

can't do it anymore . So the

32:49

good news is becoming aware

32:52

of , you know , complaining as

32:54

a habitual complaining , but never applying

32:56

solutions , is a step

32:58

in the right direction .

33:01

That is correct . That is correct . You know

33:03

that attention seeking behavior

33:05

, going back to family dynamics

33:07

and sometimes it can be the only

33:09

way I was recognized was either I got

33:11

in trouble or I created

33:13

these tall tales

33:16

. Now in the business world we call

33:18

those misstatements of the fact . Now

33:21

, from where I come from , you just find out lying

33:23

. You just telling a tall lie black

33:25

, white , pink , yellow is still a lie

33:27

because it's untrue , but

33:29

we like to dress it up . I

33:31

always say if you have a child

33:33

, for example , that tells

33:36

a lot of tall tales , that

33:38

might be an indication this person

33:40

being an author or into

33:43

film where they create these stories

33:45

. And I remember as

33:47

a child I had a friend the same way , ann

33:49

, that would create these stories that were

33:51

so believable that

33:53

people would walk around and say , oh

33:55

, did you hear what so-and-so did he

33:58

blah , blah , blah ? And someone say that

34:00

never happened , he just made that up

34:02

. But he told the story

34:04

with such conviction and

34:07

was animated that he had all

34:09

of us duped into thinking this

34:11

person was telling us the truth .

34:13

Absolutely Well and I've gotten my . I've stepped

34:15

on a few tails by accident in that

34:17

, including my own , because I'll

34:19

be like no , he didn't . I went to school with him and they're

34:21

like no , they said he went to school in

34:23

, like he lived in New York City when he went to high

34:26

school . I'm like I have pictures

34:28

of us in high school in California

34:30

. What do you want from me ? They're

34:32

like no , no , he went to . I'm like , and

34:35

what's really always astonishing to me is that people

34:37

really truly believe it , and they believe it to

34:39

such an extent that when you contradict it

34:41

with like , you bring a photo . I actually

34:43

brought a photo once and the person in

34:46

question the one who was believing this

34:48

tall tale was like yeah

34:51

, no , that doesn't make sense . Like

34:54

there's actually a shut off . So , yes , it's incredible what people

34:56

can do and I do not support the behavior

34:58

. If someone's been a friend for life , there's certain

35:00

kinds of people that you can't just leave forever

35:03

, but they're too close to

35:05

the fold . But you know or

35:07

sometimes family members right . You're going to see them on holidays

35:10

, but you know , or sometimes family members right , you're going to see them on holidays , but

35:13

you know how do you choose to spend

35:15

your own time ? And for myself , how

35:17

can I focus on taking

35:20

action , as we've talked about today

35:23

, instead of complaining ? Because

35:25

complaining without action is

35:29

just it's

35:31

lame . I'm going to come up with a different word

35:33

it's weak , it's , it's

35:35

not a vibrant way to live your life

35:37

. It's a guaranteed disaster

35:40

. Your life will just keep getting worse

35:43

because , as we all know , with the most

35:45

basic neuroscience , what you focus on

35:47

is what you create . So , if you're

35:49

complaining all the time , you're going to just create more

35:51

complaining , more drama , and

35:53

you're never going to get out of that hole , which is

35:55

something we're actually going to talk about in the next

35:58

episode .

35:59

One of the things you were talking about that it reminded

36:01

me remember that segment , I think it was Saturday Night

36:04

Live the whiners . Oh

36:06

yeah , you

36:08

know , the cousins to the whiners are the complainers

36:10

. Okay

36:12

, and generally they kind of work off of

36:14

each other . When you have someone that

36:17

will whine about , well

36:21

, just help me . Oh

36:23

, woe is me . That's my whiner's

36:25

voice , y'all , for those of you that are listening

36:27

. And then you have the complainers that are

36:29

cousins to them . Well , I don't understand

36:32

why this happens Always . You

36:34

know good example . Well , how's the weather

36:36

? It's nice out , man , it's

36:38

too damn hot . You go out there , it might

36:40

get sunburned . It's raining

36:42

Now

36:46

. The farmers , they love it . I've been

36:48

waiting on the rain , you know , for my flower bed . Oh

36:51

, there's damn rain . I can't even go outside . Wow , we can build a snowman

36:53

. Oh , there's snow . I got to get out there and

36:55

shovel it .

36:58

Gosh , it's the truth

37:01

. What

37:03

these people don't realize is they're really digging a hole

37:06

. H period , O period , L

37:08

period , E period , which

37:11

is the second part of this

37:13

team . Today it's going to be our next episode

37:15

. So today was don't be an ask

37:18

. The next

37:20

episode is going to be don't

37:22

be a hole . We're

37:26

going to have a little bit more fun . We hope

37:28

you will all join us and um

37:30

, and thank you again for sticking

37:32

with us here today . If you had fun

37:35

, please share this link with someone who would enjoy

37:37

and appreciate it , and also

37:39

like and subscribe so we can keep this coming to you

37:42

. As

37:46

always , we are streaming right here this day and time , and after our live stream

37:48

, you also have the recorded version on the same link

37:50

. So we'll see you next time

37:52

and make sure you're not being an ask

37:54

.