0:05

Unleash your potential with MetaMindstream

0:07

disrupting possibilities . Dive

0:09

into the fusion of positive neuroscience and

0:11

business strategies with Ann Scotland and

0:13

Dr Lyman Montgomery . Break free

0:15

from limiting beliefs , expand extraordinary

0:18

lives and boost business profitability

0:21

.

0:23

Hi and welcome back to the

0:25

show . Welcome back to MetaMindstream

0:28

. That is MetaMindstream . We

0:30

are disrupting what's possible and

0:32

that's a positive thing . In case you

0:34

were wondering , here is my co-host

0:37

, dr Lyman Montgomery . Hi , lyman .

0:39

Hello , how are you doing ?

0:41

I am great . I am so excited we're already

0:44

here on episode two of MetaMindstream

0:46

. Just so excited because

0:48

this is something we've been dreaming about for a long

0:51

time to expand the

0:53

mission of our company , focus MetaMindset

0:55

, and the benefit that we're bringing to

0:57

the public . As we've

0:59

said before , our mission for Focus MetaMindset

1:02

, our company , is profitability simplified

1:04

. Our primary purpose is

1:06

helping businesses make more money

1:08

, more money , more easily . We

1:12

had to create a show that also handles

1:14

everything in your life , lifestyle

1:16

issues and questions , because sometimes

1:19

that's where the rubber really meets the road

1:21

and how that affects you is how

1:23

you affect your business . We came up with

1:25

MetaMindstream . We have a business segment

1:27

at the front and then we have a lifestyle segment

1:30

at the back and it just gets more and more

1:32

fun as we go along . Super

1:34

happy to have you all here today

1:36

. Let me just tell

1:38

you a little bit about what

1:42

we do . We bring neuroscience

1:45

to actionable business

1:47

strategies . If I said that 17 times in a row , I

1:49

might be able to get it straight Able

1:51

business strategies and neuroscience

1:53

merged to take the

1:55

greatest possible advantage to your business

1:58

. Today

2:00

we're going to jump straight into our business segment

2:02

and we're going to talk about

2:04

that in a minute . It's going to be about communication

2:07

clarity , how profit

2:09

multiplies around communication

2:12

. The profit multiplier , communication

2:14

clarity . Well , lyman , you and I have developed

2:17

a good communication style , haven't we

2:19

?

2:19

We absolutely have , and even

2:22

though it's the last thing we talked

2:24

about , we don't always agree . We are

2:26

always in alignment .

2:29

Always in alignment . Yes , what

2:31

we said in the last episode was it's

2:33

not as important to be in agreement as

2:36

to be in alignment . We

2:38

use that MetaMindset example

2:40

of I'm the planner

2:43

, the strategizer , the ideation

2:45

person , and Lyman's like let's

2:47

get done . Sometimes

2:50

we may not always agree on what should be done

2:52

first or second , but we're

2:54

in alignment because we're moving in the same direction

2:57

. This is the pieces of communication

2:59

. That's so so important

3:01

. I think our goal

3:03

today is to give the audience a couple

3:05

practical steps to boost profits

3:08

through communication . Do

3:11

you have any real life examples on your

3:13

end , lyman , of how communication

3:15

better communication has helped you

3:17

make the sale ?

3:18

Oh , absolutely . One of the things

3:21

that I'm constantly amazed

3:23

is how little we understand

3:26

the neuroscience of communication

3:28

, where there is a

3:31

receiver , someone who's talking

3:34

, or the receiver , someone who's listening , and the sender

3:36

is the one who's talking . We

3:40

forget that 70%

3:42

of all communication is

3:44

nonverbal . Someone

3:48

can be talking and someone sitting there looking all

3:50

for their arms are crossed , or

3:52

maybe they're on their smart device

3:55

or something . All these

3:57

send neurotransmitters

3:59

to the brain . If I am the

4:01

sender , that this person is not

4:04

engaged , this person is not paying attention

4:06

and the truth of the matter is that

4:08

could be wrong . We live

4:10

in a high tech society where

4:13

specialists talk about millennials . They

4:15

live on their smartphones . Here's

4:17

a classic example with my son . My

4:20

son was upstairs in his room

4:22

doing some work . I

4:24

was downstairs , was in a condo

4:26

probably about 2,000

4:29

, 2,500 square foot condo , not that

4:31

big . He's sending me a

4:33

text Now I'm

4:35

responding . I said wait

4:37

a minute . I said , destin , bring your butt down

4:39

here , let's talk . We

4:43

had to create a rule that during

4:45

dinner time , put the phone down

4:47

, lean in and listen . He

4:49

was sitting there and

4:52

go . I'm listening . Are

4:55

you giving that person your full attention

4:57

? That's an example

4:59

of where communication

5:01

styles can be different . I

5:04

want to be engaged . I want to make sure the

5:06

person is attentive . Listening

5:09

to me , hello stressors , the

5:11

younger generation . They might

5:14

be listening , but are they giving you your full

5:16

attention ? I thought I know you hear me

5:18

, but are you listening

5:20

?

5:21

Hey , let me interrupt you in our communication

5:23

there because it's not just the younger

5:25

generation . I

5:27

live in a house with someone my age

5:30

who makes me crazy

5:32

Because they do exactly the same

5:34

thing . And again , I think a lot of times

5:36

it's personality yes , for

5:39

natural multitaskers , or

5:41

a little on the ADD side . Where's nothing

5:43

wrong with that like half of us are , it's

5:46

a little harder to get that full attention

5:48

, and so this is another

5:50

example of how you can learn someone else's communication

5:53

style and you can just all the time

5:55

in corporate environments we

5:57

say when we're working with teams , we say this is how

6:00

you can read other people's communication style

6:02

, get to know your buyer's communication

6:04

style . So what I've learned , if

6:06

you have time around someone , is

6:09

that I've learned to let them be occasionally

6:11

distracted , because I've learned over time

6:13

they actually still hear me . So

6:16

this is really crazy stuff . So

6:18

one of the people I'm using as an illustration

6:21

right now is often

6:23

can't work on the computer without the TV

6:25

on Again . I don't have teenagers like this , but

6:27

this is a full-fledged adult , right . So

6:30

there's actually their brain works

6:32

better and I had a best friend explain it to me

6:34

because she's the same way and I'm like I'm so glad

6:36

you helped me understand this person that lives in my house

6:39

. She's like if I'm not doing three

6:41

things , I can't do any of them . Like

6:43

my brain is so scattered . She's super ADHD

6:45

, she's like . So

6:47

what I've learned with them is I can ask

6:49

them a simple question or have a casual

6:52

conversation and they're actually

6:54

doing something , and they're doing both . Well

6:56

, now , this is just my small test group . So

6:59

if you have the time to learn

7:01

the communication style of someone you're in

7:03

business with or working with , that is amazing . If

7:06

you don't , well , here's a good one for

7:08

you , lyman how do you get that first-time

7:10

client to put the phone down ?

7:13

You know , one of the things that I've found out is

7:15

you set ground rules and

7:17

I've done this before going

7:19

to a meeting and I say listen . I

7:21

said I know all of us are business . I

7:24

said but I want to give you my full attention

7:26

. So if it's all right with you , I'm going to actually

7:29

silence my phone and set

7:31

it down . There's what's called mirroring

7:33

and matching , and it's interesting . Without

7:36

asking them to do that , I say , oh , I

7:38

do the same thing because no one wants to be left out

7:40

. And so by me sort of giving

7:42

that indication

7:45

of what I'm going to do , then

7:48

oftentimes not always , but 70%

7:51

of the time in my experience the

7:53

person sitting across from me would do the same

7:55

. If I say is it OK if I go ahead

7:57

and silence my phone because I want to give you

8:00

my undivided

8:02

attention , because I want to

8:04

respect your time ? Now

8:06

notice the key words undivided

8:09

attention , respect and

8:11

time . Well , everyone wants

8:13

to be heard . They want to feel

8:16

that they're significant , that we're paying attention

8:18

to them , that we respect their time . So

8:21

they will go oh , yeah , ok

8:23

, and

8:25

then say that makes sense .

8:26

Well , and I love it that you don't put them on the spot

8:29

, because we've all been around people in a business setting that

8:31

are like hey , put the phone away , or

8:33

they come up as rude or abrupt or somehow

8:35

that maybe I'm texting someone , think something urgent

8:38

about my family and that is so

8:40

intrusive when I use myself

8:42

as the example and I say , hey , because

8:45

I want to honor your time

8:47

and because I don't

8:50

want to get distracted , I'm going to

8:52

turn off my phone so

8:54

that we can just focus and

8:56

you have my full attention . So again

8:59

you've made yourself the target

9:01

of the subject and

9:04

it's basically a quiet invitation for them to join

9:06

, and they may not . But they may also resist their

9:08

phone a little bit if it does vibrate or go off

9:10

, right Like , gives them a little .

9:11

Absolutely . Another technique

9:14

and this is part of NLP

9:16

, neurolinguistic Programming , prompt is

9:18

where you say something like this you

9:21

like me , value

9:24

time and

9:26

also you like me value

9:29

being in a position

9:31

where you can hear and

9:33

take action steps . Now

9:36

the neurolinguistic programming

9:38

is the keyword you like

9:40

me and I point even

9:43

though I said with a pause

9:46

, you like me and

9:48

notice I'm pointing to you you like

9:50

me . So what that does to

9:53

the brain is it tells the

9:55

brain yeah , I do like Lyman , I

9:57

do like him because I

9:59

said it in such a subtle way

10:01

that I've already conditioned

10:04

the brain you like

10:07

me , value

10:09

our time together . Is

10:12

that correct ? Now , the

10:14

reason I would ask that question is

10:16

not opening . It's a direct yes or

10:18

no . No one's going to say they don't value

10:21

their time . You

10:24

like me , value

10:26

our time and this should be an

10:29

engaging , insightful

10:31

conversation . Would you agree ? Yes

10:34

, I agree . So now you're getting them

10:36

into a yes state and

10:38

you're not . That's

10:40

all neuroscience .

10:42

So can you see friends and audiences

10:45

and please write in . We'd love to hear from you how

10:48

using a technique like this can

10:50

increase your communication clarity

10:52

and create profit With

10:55

the demonstration Lyman just gave . If

10:57

the person is now listening

10:59

into you , focused oh

11:01

, that's right , I do like you , lyman . Maybe

11:05

I'm actually really interested in what you have to say

11:07

. Maybe we can we want

11:09

to distract If you're in sales , sometimes

11:12

there's a time for selling and negotiating . There's

11:14

also a time for selling effortlessly

11:16

, and this is what we talk about in using

11:19

a focused meta mindset .

11:21

Absolutely .

11:22

It's guiding conversations painlessly

11:24

so that it becomes more natural

11:26

for people , so they don't feel like they're going to be pounded

11:29

into the ground with a hammer to make the sale

11:31

, but like , oh , I'm having

11:33

such a nice coffee with Lyman

11:35

Montgomery and he's telling me all

11:37

the stuff he does . I don't know if I need all of those services

11:39

yet , but this is really interesting

11:41

. And then later they're still listening when you

11:43

mention the service they really need . So

11:46

it's like this guidance . This is why we

11:48

say Absolutely . Again , the principle of focused

11:50

meta mindset is profitability , more

11:53

simply . So profitability

11:56

simplified , instead of pushing

11:58

, pushing , pushing using

12:00

smarter tools . That's why it's meta .

12:02

Meta-mind thing , going beyond and above and going

12:04

up beyond and above . The other strategy

12:07

in communication as an

12:09

example that I will use is

12:11

put the objections

12:14

anticipated objection

12:16

at the front of the conversation

12:18

. In other words , let's

12:21

say there's only for

12:23

a reason the person will not purchase something

12:25

. So I will start off and I will put

12:27

those objections and the counter

12:29

to those objections . I will

12:31

start off the conversation like this let's

12:34

say it's cost , right , you

12:36

have a high ticket product or service

12:38

. I will say most people

12:41

may look at this product and

12:43

they will make a determination based

12:45

on cost . Let me

12:47

ask you a question Would

12:50

you prefer to have the

12:52

number one ? Let's say you

12:54

have to have surgery , right , and

12:57

you see a sign that says 50%

12:59

off brain surgery today

13:01

only , ok

13:04

. Or would

13:06

you have an idea , because it's a neurosurgeon

13:09

, that they're

13:12

probably going to have a higher price

13:14

point but the quality

13:16

is going to be higher ? Because if

13:18

you're going to just go on cost , then

13:21

why not go to the one 50% off

13:23

on neuro brain surgery ? You don't

13:25

get it for six payments or

13:27

$499 . Probably

13:30

that's not a great place to

13:32

go have brain surgery , ok . The

13:35

second strategy that person can use

13:37

in that conversation is , let's

13:39

say , time . Well , I don't have

13:41

time and I would

13:43

say this . I say you know what's interesting about time

13:45

? All of us are given

13:48

as a gift 24 hours

13:50

in the day and you know , some

13:52

people talk about time management .

13:54

But my hours are way shorter than

13:56

yours , Lyman .

13:57

But let's think about this way Is

13:59

what do you do with

14:02

those 24 hours ? So a person

14:04

says I don't have time , I

14:08

will redirect and say well

14:10

, are you able to do , you know

14:12

, something that we don't know ? Are you able to bend time and

14:14

look at me kind of great , what do you mean ? Bend time ? Well

14:16

, all of us are given 24 hours in a

14:19

day . So the

14:21

question is , if you had to

14:23

go and look at your day and

14:25

be honest , be honest , don't

14:27

tell me , but with yourself , how

14:29

much of those 24

14:32

hours is wasted time

14:34

? Don't answer me , but

14:36

just think about it . And that's when they go

14:38

. You know what ? Yeah , as

14:41

I think about it , I do waste a lot of time

14:43

on social media , you

14:46

know , watching the news and doing these other things

14:48

.

14:50

That's great . Yeah , no , having those . That awareness

14:52

is definitely important and

14:55

keeps us on target , because that's

14:57

another thing is prioritizing communication

14:59

into time . Sometimes we prioritize

15:02

proposals and analysis , and

15:04

that's all good , but what about prioritizing the

15:06

communication ? Well , we have to take a

15:08

quick break . We'll be right

15:10

back with more talk about business

15:12

strategies around communication clarity

15:15

, communication

15:17

clarity . Did this like a whole tongue twister ? Today

15:19

I'm clarifying my

15:21

communication , just so you know , so

15:24

we can make more profit . We'll be right back after this

15:26

quick break .

15:27

Unleash the power of focused MetaMindStream

15:29

lunch and learn sessions . Sharpen

15:31

problem solving skills , spark innovation

15:34

, foster collaboration and

15:36

build adaptability and resilience . Elevate

15:39

your team's success and profits . Discover

15:41

more at wwwfocusmetamindsetcom

15:45

.

15:46

All right , everyone , thank you . Welcome back

15:49

to MetaMindStream

15:51

, where we are making a difference

15:53

in how your business makes money

15:55

and what is really possible

15:57

in your business . And we've been talking today

15:59

a lot about communication and how communication

16:02

can really help you increase your

16:04

profits . We've given you some great examples

16:06

, some great ideas and action steps

16:09

. So now we're in the second section

16:11

of our show , which

16:13

is the lifestyle part of MetaMindStream

16:16

. So at Focus MetaMindset , we realize

16:18

it's not just about business , it's

16:20

about your whole life , your whole lifestyle

16:22

and what you bring to

16:25

your business . So , lyman

16:27

, I think on that vein maybe we can

16:29

continue around communication , clarity

16:32

in life .

16:33

Yes , yes , absolutely . Let's

16:36

talk about an outside

16:38

of a business relationship , let's say your personal relationship

16:40

with either a spouse , a partner

16:42

, even your children or

16:45

friends . You think about

16:47

the acronym ASK . When

16:51

it comes to communication , you can break down communication

16:53

with the A representing acknowledge

16:56

. Whenever you're involved in communication

16:59

, you want to acknowledge the person

17:01

. How do we do this ? With

17:03

salutations and thank you

17:05

for taking time out your business schedule

17:07

. Meet with me . Hey , john , I'm glad you're

17:09

able . I'm acknowledging your presence

17:12

. Maybe I acknowledge something

17:14

that you've done . Oh , by the way

17:16

, I read in the paper where you

17:18

won the outstanding

17:21

pole vault . No

17:24

, I jumped forward , that's sweet

17:26

. You want to find something that

17:28

causes that person to lean in because

17:31

you've taken time to acknowledge

17:33

them and some type of accomplishment

17:36

. The second is the S

17:38

. You want to sincerely smile at them

17:40

. We're not talking about that , you

17:43

know fake smile . But sincerely you

17:45

want to be pleasant . You want to smile . Even

17:48

over the telephone people

17:50

can hear and feel when

17:52

you're sincerely smiling because

17:55

you're enjoying the conversation

17:57

. It's engaging . And then

17:59

the K is when you

18:02

acknowledge them by paying attention

18:04

to them , when you

18:06

sincerely smile with

18:08

them and at them , you

18:12

begin to build a relationship where you get to know

18:14

them . The problem is

18:16

, we try to get to know folks and

18:19

we've not even acknowledged their presence

18:21

, their achievements , we know nothing

18:23

about them and we say stupid

18:26

things like this Well , I know

18:28

you're probably like this . Well

18:31

, how can you make that assumption when

18:34

you've not spent any time with me ? So

18:36

, again three simple things acknowledge

18:39

sincerely , smile and

18:42

work to get to know them .

18:44

Excellent , excellent , so ask . So

18:46

we talked a lot about listening , so now about asking

18:49

. So I can't run with this thing about the smiling

18:51

and whether it's sincere or not .

18:53

Yes .

18:55

And I learned this in Hollywood and I learned this acting

18:57

even on set with well-trained actors

18:59

If you're smiling for the part

19:02

and you know you're

19:04

acting which you know real actors aren't supposed

19:06

to act .

19:07

they're supposed to just do it natural .

19:09

So when you're acting , you're like , right

19:13

, well , the other person absolutely

19:15

can tell and feel that you're

19:18

pretending to smile . So

19:20

if you're on the phone and you're thinking

19:22

I hate this , you're

19:26

like , yeah , so

19:28

they can tell .

19:29

But when you make a choice .

19:31

This is the meta mindset choice . That's why , instead about

19:33

being forced , it's

19:35

about being natural , being

19:38

authentic , letting go of

19:40

your need to make a point , letting go

19:42

of your need to be absolutely right , breathe

19:45

we talked about last time and think about

19:48

the other end . They may be having a terrible

19:50

day . So get rid of some of that

19:52

tension in your own body , listen

19:55

to them and listen to

19:58

them , not listen to just

20:00

the words that are coming out of their mouth . And

20:02

this is where , in acting , they train us how to

20:05

. You can mirror body language intentionally

20:07

and sales , but you can also become able

20:09

to learn to start doing it organically

20:11

, where that other actor

20:13

feels like you're literally having

20:15

a personal conversation in

20:17

a living room somewhere and they literally forget that

20:19

there's a studio and cameras around them because

20:22

you're so into them , you're

20:24

so listening to them that

20:26

you're feeling , and then you can smile genuinely

20:28

like you know that sounds like

20:30

a really tough time . I'm so sorry

20:33

. You know it's just being natural

20:36

, because when people feel heard , as

20:38

you just said when people feel heard

20:40

, they respond incredibly

20:42

. You can do it with your kids

20:45

, you can do it with your significant other , you can

20:47

do it with work with friends . I

20:49

mean , what are your great examples ? Lyman ?

20:52

Yeah , here's a good example where

20:54

you can use a string of words

20:56

, and I'm going to give an example using the exact

20:59

same wording . The only difference

21:01

is where I put the emphasis and the pause

21:03

. Let's say , in you and I

21:06

are in a car . Right , I got this new sports

21:08

car right , maserati . It's

21:11

a two seater , the top

21:13

is down and we're in

21:16

California and we're hey

21:18

we're on an autobahn right , no speed limit

21:21

, and we're having a conversation

21:23

, and it's a

21:25

great conversation , and

21:27

you say , oh

21:30

no , don't stop . And I keep going and

21:33

I run into a tree and

21:37

I say , ann , how

21:40

do we hit a tree ? And you're

21:42

like , I told you to stop . I said no

21:44

, you didn't . And you say oh

21:48

no , don't

21:51

stop . You

21:54

see the difference . I'm

21:56

hearing oh no , don't stop

21:58

. But you were actually communicating

22:02

when you put emphasis oh

22:04

no , don't stop .

22:08

No stop , exactly , Exactly

22:12

. We got to save that pause

22:16

. Amazing , amazing , yeah

22:18

. So communication can

22:21

raise your bottom line in your relationships

22:23

, raising the value

22:25

of those relationships . That in your everyday life

22:28

, your family , your friends , even

22:30

your co workers , because that's a whole different

22:32

section of business , right ? It's a whole separate

22:34

element we talk about are you matching

22:36

the client ? Well , are you matching your coworkers

22:38

? Maybe you don't have direct contact with your clients

22:41

, maybe you're not a client manager , maybe you're not

22:43

a salesperson . So how

22:45

are you keeping the wheels greased

22:47

around you ? And

22:50

learning about people's differences , being willing

22:52

to listen .

22:53

I'm glad you said that . I'm glad you said that

22:56

, ann , because that

22:58

is the missing piece willing

23:00

, the willingness part

23:02

. A lot of times people want to get their point

23:04

across and they're not willing

23:06

to listen or to pause

23:09

, hit the brakes to get the

23:11

, to allow the other person to

23:13

get their thought fully out , before

23:16

we're jumping in and cutting them off

23:18

, like

23:20

I sort of done .

23:22

But I was just thinking . But you just cut yourself

23:25

off very nicely , so I had to

23:27

check it to take a breath and transition . We're

23:30

demonstrating this for you all . This

23:32

is our always an ongoing game

23:34

. We have so much fun because it's

23:37

real life and it's . How can you do everything

23:39

in a meta mindset

23:41

way , how can you level it up ? How can

23:43

you go beyond willpower

23:47

? I will listen to this person If it's the

23:49

last thing I do yes

23:51

and go to . I'm

23:54

going to listen to this human being because they have

23:56

their own needs and concerns Sometimes

23:58

you might just tell them that if I make the sale

24:00

part , that's important . But sometimes you

24:02

just have to be like , okay , this person , what's

24:05

more important , someone is going through a horrible divorce

24:07

and they're emotional and frustrated

24:10

and they just start talking about their life

24:12

. When you have 20 minutes to have a business meeting

24:14

, now you could either say

24:16

, hey , listen , I hate to cut you off , but we really need

24:18

to talk about this product , or you could just listen for

24:21

20 minutes . If they really

24:23

feel heard and appreciated and

24:26

noticed , the chances are there'll be

24:28

more than happy to settle that second

24:30

meeting time right . So , reading

24:33

people , your agenda can't be so

24:35

rigid that you can't be

24:37

adaptable . So being meta

24:39

is being adaptable . It's less about pushing

24:41

and more about using your gut , your instinct

24:44

, whatever you want to call that , your higher

24:46

power , if you will use those

24:48

. But you know , animals have instinct and they have

24:50

all these great and super

24:52

sensitive . You know all

24:54

of their smell , sight , sound , everything , right

24:57

. All their senses are heightened

24:59

. It's like they have 1000 antenna on them

25:01

. Well , some of them do , but you know , some

25:03

of them have like 1000 eyes , right

25:05

, so they're perceiving and grabbing all this

25:08

information and somehow

25:10

we've become so outcome focused

25:12

that we often forget to

25:15

be organic , that we're part

25:17

of nature , that we're supposed to be

25:19

using our senses to receive information

25:22

that's crucial ultimately

25:24

to getting the sale , making

25:26

the deal , settling a disagreement

25:28

with our boss , whatever that might be . So

25:30

really loosening yourself up to be

25:32

present and you know there's so many ways

25:34

to do that I mean , you can do that in your interpersonal

25:37

relationships at home too .

25:39

Absolutely , absolutely . I have a question

25:41

for you , ann , as

25:43

a you know parent

25:47

of three wonderful fur

25:49

babies . Could

25:54

you use this to communicate

25:56

with them ? Or

25:58

is it pretty much they don't care as long as

26:00

you got food ? You know , because

26:04

you know you're animal lover

26:06

, dog lover and everything . How

26:09

would this work ?

26:10

Let's say , if you don't have kids , you

26:13

don't have a spouse , but you have fur babies

26:15

like you do , mm-hmm

26:17

oh this is so easy and so

26:19

fun because I

26:21

, for some reason not scientifically , but

26:23

by practice am a lifelong student

26:26

of animal behavior . I

26:28

watch the slightest nuances in

26:30

wild animals in my pets . This isn't

26:32

shock you at all , does it ? I watch the

26:34

slightest nuances and probably

26:36

spend a whole lot of time in doing , but I find it fascinating

26:39

and it's actually made me better at

26:41

reading humans' nuances . Well , for

26:43

starters , what ? Because most times the dog might

26:45

have to bark if it has to go out or something right

26:47

, but a lot of times it's just

26:50

body language . It's just

26:52

body language . It's like if

26:54

someone's playing with a dog and they're kind of roughing

26:57

him up and the dog's okay

26:59

, but he's kind of like this and that's kind

27:01

of the game , right , well , it doesn't make it wrong , it just

27:03

means are you having fun

27:05

or is the dog having fun ? Mm-hmm , it's

27:07

a really good question with humans too , right

27:10

? Because then you're like okay , I'm going to try approaching

27:12

in a different way . I'm just going to like stroke

27:14

them , scratch their ears . Oh

27:16

, now the dog relaxes . You

27:18

know , it just depends on what you're doing

27:20

. Are you throwing the ball or are you sitting watching TV ? How

27:23

are you reading those body signals ? So , yes

27:25

, absolutely , even

27:27

there . I'm going to just finish here . I promise

27:29

only 30 more seconds . I'm

27:31

motion , I'm motions . What

27:34

they're looking at . Body

27:36

language is not just the tail wagging

27:38

. It's like okay , here's another

27:40

illustration . I know one of my dogs is anxious

27:43

, or excited anxious whenever he sits

27:45

and lifts one paw . We

27:48

call it flamingo style . He just sits

27:50

there like this and we're like okay

27:53

, what is his issue right now ? Or what is he needing

27:55

? Because he's like do I get to go for a ride ? Do I

27:57

not get to go for a ride ? He's wondering . He's wondering

27:59

Well , now I can say hey

28:02

, matley , you want to go for a ride ? Oh , the

28:04

paw comes down , he's fine and off we go . So

28:06

it's just watching those little clues .

28:08

Also also .

28:12

Well , what about spouses and significant

28:14

others and things like that ?

28:18

You know , I think that when

28:21

it comes to your life partner , it

28:24

goes back to what I said . You're listening

28:26

for not just

28:29

what is being said , but how it's being

28:31

said . Going back to the illustration of

28:33

us in the Maserati and

28:35

we're heading towards a tree and I'm so engrossed

28:38

and so focused on the conversation that

28:40

, even though I hear you say oh no , don't , stop

28:43

, I didn't hear what

28:45

you said , which was oh no

28:47

, don't and stop , because

28:50

I'm only thinking , oh , you said don't stop , okay

28:52

, I'm doing good until we hit a tree

28:54

or size

28:57

, swipe it , but we live , you know , just

28:59

messed up . Oh , good , thanks , we live , we

29:01

live , we live , thank you , thank you . And

29:04

so , realizing

29:06

that each person may have a different communication

29:09

style . For example

29:11

, my communication

29:14

style can come across

29:16

sometime as being ultra-focused

29:19

get to the point , cut through

29:21

the chase , what's the bottom line

29:23

, what's the agenda , what's the purpose

29:26

? Very goal , outcome

29:29

oriented , whereas my

29:31

wife was to have a conversation

29:34

and she may talk about four

29:36

or five different things and they're not

29:38

connected , but they

29:41

will just give her a little time

29:43

and she will connect the dots

29:45

. There are times where

29:47

and we have an assessment

29:50

with our website where

29:52

she is the chess player

29:54

right when she is five

29:56

or six moves ahead and within the

29:58

conversation . So sometimes

30:00

that creates stress for me , because

30:03

I'm not sure if we're on conversation

30:05

one or conversation

30:08

number five , because they're all

30:10

wrapped up in one .

30:12

This is so good . This is so good

30:14

and this is not new information to me , and

30:16

I think this is one of the times where it's very

30:18

often a female

30:20

tendency by just our organic

30:22

makeup . Right , my husband

30:25

will be listening to me talk with a girlfriend

30:27

and he's like , after , so , like , and

30:29

really , you interrupted her like a hundred

30:31

times . I'm like , well

30:33

, but she interrupted me a hundred times . He's like , yeah

30:36

, but I'm like , listen . He's like also

30:38

, how do you even stay focused ? Because you talked about

30:40

18 things . I said it was parenthetical

30:42

. You tell a story in the story

30:45

, there's a parenthetical story which also has a parenthetical

30:47

story , but then you're back in the middle . He's just like , okay

30:49

, well , cool , you guys go have fun , right , but

30:52

as far as chess , okay , so this is your

30:55

wife having the chess player conversation . So my

30:57

husband and I are actually learning chess

30:59

as we speak right now . And

31:02

this is interesting in around communication

31:04

style , because I'm a slow , deliberate

31:06

learner and I learned by trial

31:08

and error . I could read the book . It

31:10

wouldn't do me much good , but if a trial

31:13

and error , so

31:15

and I've accepted that about myself , about

31:17

my learning style , right , well

31:19

, he's a very well

31:21

intentioned , self-proclaimed teacher . Need

31:24

I say more ? So his

31:27

talent is showing people how

31:30

to do it and what they did wrong and how they should

31:32

do it next time . Well , there's a balance

31:34

. We find balance in playing our own game of chess . With

31:36

chess , let me just tell you to find

31:38

how do I get across the board

31:40

and how do I win

31:43

right . If you think

31:45

of life and the communication

31:47

as a bit as a game of chess , that

31:50

is a bit of a metamined strategy

31:52

because it's about intention

31:54

.

31:55

Absolutely .

31:56

Remember we said yes last time . It's not about

31:58

agreement , it's about alignment . So

32:00

if we're going in the same direction , if we

32:02

both have the same intention , which

32:04

is finish the game of chess , then

32:07

we'll find ways to read each other and

32:09

find a common balance , right ?

32:11

Another thing I'm laughing and I dropped

32:13

my head for a reason because my wife

32:16

has a term called mansplain . She

32:19

will ask me a question . I get into this very

32:22

deep , analytical , philosophical

32:24

, esoteric conversation

32:26

she already

32:29

knows . She's like okay , I know

32:31

that already , thank you

32:33

for the mansplain . And

32:35

she said me and have a tendency to think they all

32:38

have to be in teaching mode .

32:39

So I was laughing .

32:43

This is getting right down , I'm sorry . No

32:50

, it's true , it's absolutely true . So

32:52

, and you know , and different couples have totally

32:54

different dynamics- over my best friends and

32:58

I have found a new commonality after

33:00

years . We're best friends in high school and have been ever

33:02

since , which is we recently

33:04

realized that she

33:07

has a lot of the same patterns

33:09

behaviors , add , whatever as my husband

33:11

, and I'm very similar

33:14

to her husband . So

33:16

now , when we talk about it , we'll tell

33:19

our frustration or our win with our

33:21

spouse , and she'll be like I'm so glad you shared

33:23

that . I always wondered , why he reacted

33:26

so like so uptight

33:28

when I just said it's like I'm good at solving problems . She'd

33:30

say and I would like point out like six problems and how they could be

33:32

fixed . And he would get so tense

33:34

and like why are you bossing me around and why are you ? Oh

33:38

, I know I'm

33:40

like oh , but I just learned something from you , which is

33:42

I didn't realize that that made you feel

33:44

unappreciated , or my husband when

33:46

he's , like you know , giving me that I'm like I

33:49

just get overwhelmed and stressed out because I'm a monofocus

33:51

kind of person . So when he gives me six

33:53

tasks in one minute , I start getting

33:55

literal anxiety , but he's already moved

33:57

on . You know

33:59

, already paid taxes . Can you do that ? Oh okay

34:02

, oh wait , did you call your mother and ask her about ? Oh okay , I'm

34:04

like I can only do one thing at a time , so

34:09

it's been really fun learning and

34:11

observing it is . It is one of

34:13

my favorite things is observing other people , and

34:15

it's not sinister , I promise , but when we

34:17

go out and my husband and I , we both love watching people . Fortunately

34:20

, have you ever played ?

34:20

this game .

34:22

Just watch people and talk about it .

34:24

And have you ever played this game ? My wife and I

34:26

will do this . We'll be driving and we'll see a couple

34:28

and we imagine

34:30

what the conversation is based on their

34:33

facial expressions .

34:34

That's amazing . I love that . No

34:37

, but I'm going to do that yeah .

34:40

It is a hoop . Just drive , especially

34:42

in the spring and summertime when people are out

34:44

and just look at their body language

34:46

and we kind of role play . I wonder

34:49

what they're talking about . You know things

34:52

of that nature . That is just completely

34:55

a hoot

34:58

and fun to do , You're

35:01

reading body language , which

35:04

is so fun , so I'm going to .

35:05

So our favorite place to do this is cafe

35:07

culture , like especially outdoor patio

35:09

cafe culture . We're not all of you have

35:11

other people sitting around you at tables , but then you have a

35:13

sidewalk with people already walking by , and

35:16

we often do this a lot when we're traveling . So

35:18

this is going to be my new game . We're going to Portugal in

35:20

a couple of weeks , and so we're going to

35:22

have lots of cafe culture time , where people

35:24

aren't speaking English , mind you , and I'm not

35:26

up on my Portuguese I could barely do a little Italian

35:29

, a little Spanish , a little French , a little German and

35:31

Portuguese . I'm not even remotely there . So we want

35:33

to have any idea what they're saying and we can

35:35

just start going on . I'm going to say , okay , we're going

35:37

to lip sync like actors . You say what

35:39

you're saying and I'm going to say what I think she's saying

35:42

.

35:42

It will go on for hours and

35:45

people will get so involved and engrossed

35:47

in it before you know it , 30

35:49

minutes , 40 minutes an hour has gone

35:51

by , because it is . It's

35:53

funny , especially when you

35:56

look at the couple . They're not really in sync

35:58

with each other . Maybe you know he's

36:00

ready to go and she wants something else

36:02

.

36:02

He's kind of like he

36:08

sees this all the time . I see it all the time . If

36:10

people in line , that's another

36:13

great place

36:15

, watching him and her or her and her

36:17

, or him and him , and you can just tell , or

36:22

even all by themselves , like I wonder what they're thinking

36:24

about . But communication

36:27

is so important and it's so

36:29

much more than just words .

36:31

You know a pet peeve of mine in grocery

36:33

store and I know

36:35

some of the listeners might have issue

36:37

with this I hate being

36:39

behind coupons . Listen

36:44

, if you're

36:46

going to have coupons , have

36:49

them . Boogers ready to go

36:51

If you're in line . This

36:54

lady has two carts

36:56

stacked the food and

36:59

she like opening up her bill

37:01

for a coupon

37:03

somewhere in here . Oh

37:07

, that's the wrong one . Can you give me a price check

37:09

? And all I have is a bag

37:11

of Cheetos or something I'm like , lady

37:13

. I'm

37:17

like I'm going to have a coupon line so that everyone

37:19

that really should .

37:20

Or there could be , because I know one day I'll need

37:22

it to . There could be like the 5565

37:26

and over retirement line , which is a certain

37:28

speed , which answers more questions

37:31

, which has a price checker

37:33

standing by .

37:35

Listen , you knew how much it came up

37:38

to . If you get in line and

37:40

you have a checkbook , have

37:42

the stuff . You know you had the grocery

37:44

store . You're sitting there

37:46

going what's

37:50

today's day and

37:53

then you're trying to balance your checkbook in

37:56

line .

37:58

Well , this show is about , as we have always

38:00

said , about honesty and taboo subjects

38:02

. Even when it comes to

38:04

okay , brave line , I guess crazy

38:08

.

38:08

Okay , I'm good , but I heard you

38:10

.

38:10

I heard you express

38:12

your frustration as a customer

38:15

when you're in the grocery store

38:17

behind someone with a bunch of coupons

38:19

or a checkbook that doesn't know the date

38:21

or anything else . And I get that

38:24

, I get that , I absolutely get that . And if it's my

38:26

grocery store , let me talk to my

38:28

management about a special line

38:30

. That's also why they invented

38:33

self check .

38:34

Yes .

38:37

We're almost running out of time already

38:39

, but this has been such a fun episode

38:41

of MetaMindstream and

38:44

just discovering what it takes to

38:46

raise your bottom line in business

38:48

by better communication

38:50

with your customers , with

38:52

your business associates . How can

38:54

you make that better for them ? Disrupting

38:57

what's possible ? Right , because we have this

38:59

idea that everything goes X

39:02

equals Y , this

39:05

setup equals this result

39:07

. And it's not necessarily true

39:09

. We think of things as being hard

39:11

or impossible because

39:14

you have to jump through 16 hoops . What

39:17

if we tried to not jump through

39:19

16 hoops and we just look for the staircase

39:21

on the other side ? How can you think

39:24

above and beyond ? Because I guarantee

39:26

I would not clear 16 hoops ever

39:28

. I am totally , totally

39:31

. I bump into walls . I'm the biggest class , literally

39:33

everywhere . I usually have a bruise

39:36

here and here , at all times . So

39:38

, finding a smarter way to do things right

39:40

, taking it to the next level , using

39:42

a MetaMindset to make your business

39:44

simpler , make more money , to

39:46

help you have better relationships in your real life

39:48

, so

39:52

that's fantastic . All

39:55

of you Go ahead .

39:58

I was just going to say . You know , the way you just

40:00

summed that up got me to thinking

40:02

about a conversation

40:04

my wife and I had literally

40:06

yesterday where I

40:10

asked her to do something . She's like I

40:12

live with you , I don't work for you .

40:20

Okay , I got another line . I

40:26

work for you . This

40:29

is amazing . Yes

40:31

, that is absolutely

40:34

beautiful , absolutely beautiful , both in serious disdain and fun

40:36

.

40:36

Absolutely , absolutely .

40:38

Well , everybody , please join us again next

40:41

week for our next episode

40:43

of MetaMindstream disrupting what's

40:45

possible . Please check out our website

40:47

. That's focused MetaMindsetcom

40:49

. That's focused with a D focused

40:52

MetaMindsetcom . Reach

40:54

out to us on whatever platform you're watching or

40:56

listening . Shoot us a message , feedback . We

40:58

can't wait to respond to your comments , your questions

41:00

, any topic suggestions you might have . We

41:03

would absolutely love to hear that as well

41:05

. And please like

41:07

and subscribe . We're getting this show off the

41:09

ground and we'd be so excited if you would

41:11

share it with someone else who you know might

41:14

really love . Pick me up in their day while

41:16

they're also learning something really practical

41:18

. Thank you , lyman , thank you for

41:20

being here , thank you , thank

41:23

you for tuning in and we'll see you next time

41:25

.

41:25

Bye , bye

41:28

.