Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor is an American author, storyteller, humorist, voice actor, radio personality and creator of five-minute daily radio/podcast program The Writer's Almanac.
Recent episodes featuring Garrison Keillor
The Trump anti-Muslim tweets were off the chain today, even for Shitler. Evil, racist dick-bag, white supremacist David Duke praised PEEOTUS for insanely retweeting a British far-right hate group. Recently fired Today Show host Matt Lauer was exposed for exposing himself to female employees and gifting a sex toy, accompanied by a lewd note, to a colleague.  Heartless skesis Jesus-crook Pat Robertson ridiculously worried over the future of men accused of sexual harassment. A conserva-twunt on Faux News suggested Obama’s “deep state” operation is killing people. Mueller ominously postponed a Flynn associate’s grand jury testimony regarding Russian shenanigans. A dick lord Fox anchor reminded America of the nonexistent “war on Christmas.” The Crabs reviewed the David Lynch-like Sparkle Season decor at the White House. A Serbian war criminal guzzled poison after learning of his failed appeals. The Drudge Report and Breitbart seem to be engaged in a moob slap-fight. Prince Harry’s fiancee will be pressured by the neutral Crown to temper her anti-Trump rhetoric. Finally, in a moment of “WTF,” Garrison Keillor of Prairie Home Companion has been accused of pervy antics. More of this progressive atheism podcast in the archives and on iTunes, etc.!
A bear is chasing me through a meadow and I’m running as fast as I can but he’s gaining on me—it seems he’s always gaining on me. I’m running and running but also thinking I should just turn around and say, “Stop it! Stop chasing me. We both know you aren’t going to catch me. All you can ever do is chase me. So, think about it—why bother?” The bear does stop, and he sits on his haunches and thinks, or seems to think. And then the bear says to me, “I have to chase you, you know that. Or you should. And, sure, we both know I’ll never catch you. So, why not give us both a break and just stop thinking about me?” But, with that said, he gets back on four feet, sticks his long pink tongue out, licks down both sides of his snout. Then he sighs, looks behind himself, then at me and says, “Okay, ready when you are.”
at my kitchen sink, the bathroom upstairs clogged with family from out of town spending the night after the wake and the after-wake—cold beverages have been consumed and comfort food, leftovers bulging both the fridge and the minifridge. In our fifties, both half-asleep half-awake, we face each other. My sister’s smile foams white down her chin at the end of a day on which no one has smiled. We laugh. We may never brush our teeth together again. No mirror down here to see our haggard faces. We rinse, we spit. As we were taught.
I stood on the porch of our raised cottage           and saw my two ruddy children crouched below in the grass           over a hard-backed beetle and I was taken with this phobia           that goes up and up with me and suddenly I saw myself fallen,           my body twisted on the pavement, a thigh bare and scraped and bloody,           and my two children, wooden with fear, bent over me           saying softly, “Mama, mama.” And I knew then, as one comes to know           things that lodge themselves in us, that I had no way of telling them,           my children, how I would leave them some day as ashes           they will toss out over moving water, how they will feel abandoned           in ways that even dreams cannot express. Lord, make room inside me for this.
Seems like a long time Since the waiter took my order. Grimy little luncheonette, The snow falling outside. Seems like it has grown darker Since I last heard the kitchen door Behind my back Since I last noticed Anyone pass on the street. A glass of ice water Keeps me company At this table I chose myself Upon entering. And a longing, Incredible longing To eavesdrop On the conversation Of cooks.
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Stats
Birthdate
Aug 7th, 1942
Location
Saint Paul, MN, USA
Episode Count
299
Podcast Count
4
Total Airtime
21 hours, 42 minutes