Patrick Melton is the creator and host of Nobody Likes Onions. In addition to acting as moderator of the show, Melton handles most of the production of NLO as well. He's always used his unique observations coupled with a quick, biting wit to make those around him laugh. With his skewed world view, he chooses not to see the glass as half empty, but rather half full – of poison.
Patrick is melting in to a reality that he doesn’t agree with, and you’re gonna hear all about it on this show. There’s a lot of yelling, and the show was not recorded correctly so get ready for some low-fidelity profanity and rage. The country is falling apart, we are headed in to another uncertain wave of political molestation of a national tragedy, and Patrick’s mental health cannot bear the incongruity any longer. Roy Johnson checks in on the latest prophecies for Oklahoma, and gets frustrated with his inability to reason with Patrick when he’s this emotional. Patrick complains about everything from nurses to baseball to Hamilton, and we try to find some solace in the fact that at least next week we have a pizza contest to judge.
Patrick is up in the middle of the night to connect with comedian George Dimarelos in Melbourne, Australia. George gives Patrick the honest truth about what the rest of the world thinks about America during this pandemic. The duo remembers easier times at comedy festivals months ago. Patrick expresses frustration about the coronavirus testing process, and still has no results yet. Kanye is running for president and we aren’t sure whether to take it seriously. We end the show discussing a recent tale of morality, mob law, and the revolution in comedy. You decide the case of Simon Caine vs. the People of The Comedy Collective.
It’s a tense morning here at the Onions studio, and Patrick is preparing to go for an examination that could change the course of the show forever. This could be the last time you hear from him, as he’s on the way to get a COVID-19 test soon, and he’s vowed that if he’s positive he won’t be wasting his last days podcasting. The sentimentality sends Patrick down a podcasting walk to remember. We check in on veteran podcaster punk celebs, Dawn and Drew, to see what they’re up to. Patrick talks about the latest Apple news and gives some advice for cleaning up your computer. Roy Johnson pops in with a Tulsa report as we discuss the country rebounding in coronavirus stats and the apparent second wave begins to engulf us all.
Patrick is drinking for the first time in about a month, and Roy Johnson joins in from Tulsa. It’s late on a Friday, it’s hot in the desert, and it feels like the world is ending. Sláinte! Patrick doesn’t understand why Microsoft ruins anything it touches. People need to stop setting off fireworks for no reason. Patrick pitches his idea for a new quarantine haircut business. Comedians are really mad about not getting unemployment money. We officially launch the Pizza-Off, and discuss strategies and recipes as the interest from participants heats up. Roy is confident in his abilities, but is clearly shaken by the competition. Patrick knows he has no chance. The conversation turns to coronavirus, and somehow in to a discussion of Landry Miller and his recent bid for Tulsa City Council. Patrick shows how long his hair has gotten and it’s borderline creepy. And by that we mean it’s almost not creepy.
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Creator Details

Las Vegas, NV, USA
Episode Count
Podcast Count
Total Airtime
2 days, 5 hours