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Toxic

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Curated by
NightGardener

Created June 30, 2024

Updated February 12, 2025

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  1. May 30th, 2024
    I share two stories of meeting people and they did something that was really off, signalling with high probability they might be narcissists. Or at least jerks and really unpleasant to be around. I share both stories and observations.
  2. May 26th, 2024
    Toxic people and narcissists are often mean. And then nice. Or first nice, and then mean. And it seems to make no sense. But there is a really good reason why they act this way. And it probably explains why those relationships are doomed for failure.
  3. Apr 19th, 2024
    Narcissists love to infiltrate and take over groups. It's less effort than creating a group. There are certain patterns they follow. I observe 6 stages of the takeover. Hopefully this will make you less vulnerable.
  4. Feb 14th, 2024
    Narcissists use Rupars to gaslight us. The technique is obnoxious, and effective, and can make us hallucinate they are right, and we are wrong.So what is a Rupar, how does it work, and how can we avoid getting rupared by #narcissists?
  5. Jan 29th, 2024
    What is the first sign of a toxic dynamic? We often look for behaviours and patterns, but maybe the first sign is a feeling we have, a sinking feeling, not feeling good enough. And maybe the first symptom of that is when we stop doing things that we love and that are good for us.The nice "focus boosting" drink called...
  6. Jan 16th, 2024
    Narcissists wear us down. It's the same tactics cults use. And their programming will stay with us for years, until we undo it. So the abuse continues. Why do they do they? And what can we do?The episode is kindly sponsored by Magic Mind, a drink that blends some well recognised mental stimulants to help increase cla...
  7. Dec 6th, 2023
    With narcissists, there always is a first moment we sense something is wrong. A strange look. A fight coming out of nowhere. A suggestion they think we are a bad person. Them stabbing us in the back (or the face).What can we learn from this? How can we use this to reduce the risk of being taken advantage of in the fu...
  8. Dec 1st, 2023
    Narcissists play toxic games. Many of these are common and can be recognised. In this episode, I share some tips to recognise games and we analyse a few of the games narcissists commonly play, as well as a few suggestions to avoid getting up in autopilot. You can read more about these games here: https://ericberne.co...
  9. Nov 2nd, 2023
    Narcissists want us to turn against the people who actually have our backs. Why? It isolates us, makes us easier to manipulate - and makes it easier for THEM to do the manipulation.
  10. Nov 1st, 2023
    When talking with narcissists and toxic people, we can get caught in bad faith arguments. How can we recognise this and avoid getting stuck in narc logic and, instead, highlight how their logic is illogical, unhealthy and dishonest?In this podcast exclusive episode, I share a few tips. Remember to tune in on YouTube ...
  11. Oct 8th, 2023
    If you have ever tried to warn people that someone might be a narcissist or is toxic, you probably noticed it almost never works. Why is that? In this podcast exclusive episode, I share some hypothesis, as well as some suggestions that have worked more often.
  12. Oct 7th, 2023
    Psychometrics can be key in understanding ourselves in general. However, they become particularly illuminating when we seek to understand toxic dynamics with narcissists.I was delighted to interview Dr Stewart Desson, CEO and Founder of Lumina Learning, the psychometrics tool I use with my clients.A few features I ...
  13. Sep 8th, 2023
    It's understandable to want justice or closure. And it works best when it comes from within.
  14. Sep 7th, 2023
    Narcissists are about as reasonable as hostage takers. Though perhaps less so. However, we can learn some techniques from FBI hostage negotiators that help us get better outcomes when dealing with narcissists.
  15. Sep 7th, 2023
    We all have fears, and some fear are actually quite common. Once we realise this, we see how narcissists will exploit different fears in different people. And, doing so, it is common for narcissists to be able to control people, with minimum effort.Once we realise these fears, we can actually protect ourselves more e...
  16. Sep 6th, 2023
    Narcissists confuse us by lying to us and gaslighting us. It can be awfully hard to figure out what is true, and what is false. However, there are some simple sentences that can help us ungaslight ourselves a bit after dealing with narcissists.In this video, I share five examples of sentences which are all true, whic...
  17. Apr 20th, 2023
    Hurt people hurt people. Ok great, now what? Well, some people don't intent to hurt others. And some people intend to hurt others, with glee, and blame their victims for "forcing them to hurt them".
  18. Feb 26th, 2023
    One key helps us decode a narcissist's lies. And there is one tell that helps us recognise a narcissist's victim.Watch on YouTube here 
  19. Feb 15th, 2023
    When there's a disagreement, how can you tell who is being unreasonable - so you avoid "wrestling with pigs"?I share two stories and some tips about how to find more clarity.Enjoy this podcast exclusive episode!
  20. Dec 8th, 2022
    Podcast exclusive. We can create a scale of toxicity from 0 to 10. Doing so empowers us and helps us compare what we do to what others do. I used this recently with a client who wondered if he had done something to turn his ex into a fully blown psycho who turned their children against him and destroyed his car with a ...
  21. Nov 29th, 2022
    When we're stressed, our personality can change. Narcissists like stressing us. That tells us... it can be helpful to dig a bit deeper ;-)
  22. Jul 18th, 2022
    We know narcissists love to play stupid. They'll even confuse us with hyperbole: when someone else uses it, they'll take it literally. And when they use it, they'll sometimes claim it's hyperbole, or it's literal, depending on how we react. But once we learn to recognise hyperbole, we learn which questions to ask to st...
  23. Jul 6th, 2022
    Narcissists hold us hostage to their unreasonable demands and behaviours. So why not learn from the FBI how to deal with these insane individuals? It won't make them sane (nothing will), but it will reduce the damage they can inflict onto you.In part 2 of this series, I explain what you must understand about the inter...
  24. May 9th, 2022
    Narcissists love to confuse us and argue that our memory is poor. Writing things down is really helpful. But what should we write?In this episode, I share 6 types of things to write down, to avoid being gaslight and reclaim your sanity.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/ribersson/support
  25. Aug 16th, 2021
    Dealing with toxic people can drive us crazy as they suck us into their insanity - however it is possible to beat them at their game.Use these five tips to keep the upper hand.
  26. Jun 26th, 2021
    The first time we encounter narcissistic rage, it can be terrifying and extremely uncomfortable. But once we recognise it, it loses a lot of its power. It can be easy to spend time reviewing events wondering if, perhaps, the other person had a point and we did something that warranted this stream of abuse. In this epis...
  27. Oct 18th, 2022
    Narcissists are notorious for their immature management of anger, and as a byproduct of their dysregulation, you might be pulled into their dysfunction.  Dr. Les Carter explains that the management of anger is a clear way of separating narcissists from healthy people, so he challenges you to stay on the course toward m...
  28. Feb 23rd, 2024
    Tony zooms in on emotional immaturity, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, and how they affect relationships. He illustrates these concepts with hypothetical scenarios and emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between healthy ego and pathological defensive narcissism. He also briefly highlights how developing a ...
  29. Mar 11th, 2024
    Part 2 of Tony’s dive into how narcissism and emotional immaturity contribute to the different attachment styles that we show up with in adulthood. Continuing to read from the article “Narcissistic Personality and Attachment,” https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/narcissistic-personality/ Tony delves into the s...
  30. Jan 10th, 2023
    Narcissism is identified by selfishness, the need for control, a feeling of superiority, a lack of empathy, and manipulative behaviors.  So, as you attempt to understand it fully, you may wonder if it means that person is given over to evil intentions.  Dr. C explains how there is a great overlap between narcissism and...
  31. Nov 14th, 2023
    Relating to Covert Narcissists: Insights and Strategies delves deep into the world of covert narcissism through a psychoanalytic lens. Join me as I explore the descriptive factors, analyze the underlying causes from a psychoanalytic perspective, and shed light on the lifesaving mode of narcissistic repair. Gain valuabl...
  32. Nov 7th, 2023
    In this episode, we delved into the origins and dynamics of the punitive superego, intricately linked with perfectionism, grandiosity and narcissism. Drawing on Bion's (renowned psychoanalyst)  theory of beta and alpha functioning, we illuminated how individuals may project inner conflicts onto external authorities, cr...
  33. May 12th, 2021
    Covert narcissism is narcissism from a unique angle. The internal characteristics are the same as an overt narcissist, but it plays out differently.Narcissism is not defined in the DSM as the loud and boisterous life of the party. It does not list traits of hitting, cheating, and yelling.Rather, NPD is defined as hav...
  34. Oct 27th, 2022
    People wonder, what are the causes of narcissism? Is their behavior intentional? Can I trust my gut reaction or am I overreacting? Today I answer the first of many reader questions I received about narcissism and psychopathy, based on the research.
  35. Jan 10th, 2024
    In this episode of the Narcissism Decoder, we explore the intricate world of narcissistic rage by addressing three pivotal questions surrounding healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger. Drawing insights from real-life examples, we delve into the nuances of anger, rage, and hatred, unraveling the complexities of emot...
  36. May 10th, 2022
    Narcissism is defined by the need for control, a lack of empathy, an attitude of entitlement, self-absorption, and more.  Overt narcissists leave little to the imagination, and you can spot them rather quickly.  Covert narcissists have the same defining features, but they are much more deliberate in hiding their inclin...
  37. Nov 15th, 2022
    In the ongoing effort to describe covert narcissism, Dr. C interviews Dr. George Simon about his book, In Sheep's Clothing.  They break down what to watch for as you discern how to identify covert narcissists.  Dr. Simon discusses the origins of this pattern and how to respond to it wisely.  Drawing upon decades of res...
  38. Jun 21st, 2022
    Academia tells us that narcissists are identified by an attitude of entitlement, the need for control, willingness to exploit, low empathy, and more.  Drawing upon his 40+ years of speaking with individuals in his therapy office, Dr. Les Carter expands upon the academic definition by highlighting 15 of the most common ...
  39. Dec 13th, 2021
    Narcissism is not a clear cut issue. It isn’t a yes or no answer. It is an extremely complicated issue. One minute you can feel like you have a grasp on it, and the next minute that grasp simply disappears.You can think you finally understand it and then be at a loss for words in trying to explain it to someone else. ...
  40. Mar 26th, 2024
    Dr. C is joined by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, who discusses information from her latest book, It’s Not You. Specifically, she walks us through some of the most common ways narcissists whittle at your capacity to trust in yourself.Go to https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissismpodcast for 10% off your first month of the...
  41. Mar 5th, 2023
    This podcast episode delves into the topic of pathological narcissism, a personality disorder characterized by an excessive sense of self-admiration and grandiosity. Listeners will learn about the characteristics associated with pathological narcissism, the consequences of the disorder both clinically and forensically,...
  42. Dec 25th, 2019
    Find out how instant gratification is at the root of narcissism and how one must delay gratification in order to truly be at peace and reach their goals and life purpose in health. 

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    Education
  43. Apr 21st, 2023
    Tony tackles the 5 types of narcissism in part 1 of 2. He references the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each," Medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO written By Courtney Telloian — Updated on September 15, 2021http://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissismFind all the latest links to podcasts, ...
  44. Oct 31st, 2023
    In this episode on perfectionism, also known in psychoanalytic terms as grandiosity, we unraveled the complex dynamics of this enduring trait. Perfectionism, defined by relentless pursuit of flawlessness and self-worth contingent on meeting exceptionally high standards, is a predominate and pervasive narcissistic trait...
  45. Jan 31st, 2024
    Exploring Techniques and Overcoming Overwhelming Busyness! In this episode, Dr. Mazzella explores techniques for overcoming  'all or nothing' thinking and behaviors. He addresses a listener's question about healing fragmented selves. The conversation explores the concept of splitting and integration, the perils of perc...
  46. Jul 5th, 2022
    There is a form of narcissism that is especially difficult: the sociopathic narcissist.  Sociopaths are known for their lack of a moral compass, their lack of compassion, and their strong tendency toward punitive anger.  Dr. Les Carter highlights twelve ways to identify a sociopathic narcissist.  As you become aware of...
  47. Sep 5th, 2023
    A defining feature of narcissism is the willingness to manipulate.  And because of other issues like the need for control, an attitude of entitlement, and raw selfishness, it is predictable that they will have serious anger issues too.  Not a good combination.  Dr. Les Carter welcomes therapist Jim Brillon who will dis...
  48. Aug 2nd, 2022
    In this episode, Dr. Les Carter highlights two of the most common aspects of narcissism:  control and manipulation. Narcissists actually believe you should filter your way of life through them. So, when you act, think, or prioritize differently, they are not bashful about bringing you under their controlling agenda. An...
  49. Sep 26th, 2023
    Dr. C welcomes Rebecca Zung who has just released a new book, Slay The Bully, How To Negotiate With A Narcissist And Win.  Being a family law attorney specializing in high conflict cases, she brings a wealth of information to the table as she explains the SLAY method of responding with narcissists.Go to https://better...
  50. Jan 31st, 2023
    Central to the pattern of narcissism is an ongoing attitude of entitlement.  Dr. Les Carter breaks down this topic by explaining the many ways this trait impacts the narcissist's interactions with you.  As you clearly understand the lack of common sense associated with their entitlement, you can choose to step away fro...

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