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episode and many other like minded shows,

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That's h O W

0:12

W E A r E dot

0:15

org. Hello

0:38

everyone, and welcome to another episode of One D

0:40

Words or Less the podcast. I'm your host,

0:42

Ray Harkins, Thank you for joining us.

0:44

Today is a very special day, very special

0:47

episode. A lot of specialness going on here.

0:49

The guest this week is Brittany Drake, the

0:52

vocalist and guitarists from the band Pity

0:54

Sex, who are incredible. More unheard

0:56

a minute. I want to get this announcement out of the

0:58

way. So, oh, something

1:01

I've been working on for quite some time, and I

1:03

got clued into this website via my

1:05

good friend Corey, who also does some cool

1:07

podcasts. If you're a baseball fan, go

1:09

check out his Ivy Envy

1:12

podcast. It's uh, it's specifically

1:15

focuses on the Chicago Cubs,

1:17

but if you like baseball you'll enjoy it. So

1:19

anyways, that plug out of the way. So there's

1:21

this website. It's called Patreon p

1:24

A T R e O N,

1:26

which is basically a patron some

1:28

some version of that. So anyways, I've always

1:30

thought of a way or I've always been searching

1:32

for a way to be like, Okay, clearly,

1:35

this show takes a lot of time for

1:37

me and my editor

1:39

Tom. It just there's a lot of time putting

1:41

this together. And since I don't do this as my

1:43

full time profession, sometimes it's hard

1:45

because I'm like, Okay, I'm spending some of my own

1:47

cash in order to keep this going. And that's

1:49

fine. I don't care because I was going to do it regardless.

1:52

But there has to be a creative way in which

1:54

you the listener that are a fan of

1:56

the show. Because I've interacted with

1:58

a lot of you, a lot of you email me on a regular basis

2:01

and we become friendly either on

2:03

social networks or like I said, via email,

2:06

and it's something that's super special to me

2:08

because there are people that have just blown

2:10

my mind in regards to what they've shared with

2:12

me, what they get out

2:15

of the show, and it's just awesome. And anyways,

2:17

I didn't want to do a kickstarter, didn't want to

2:19

do this whole like okay, we got thirty days. Otherwise,

2:21

the show is going to go away. The show is not going

2:24

away, no matter what you do. From

2:26

this point on, you will always get a

2:28

free podcast a week. That's

2:30

just a reality. But for those of you that feel

2:32

invested and feel this is worth your time

2:35

and what I'm coming to you for money

2:37

investing in That's what I'm looking for in

2:39

order to for one, help

2:42

the show sound better. For two, to get

2:44

my editor and producer Tom paid,

2:46

because he puts so much time into this

2:49

and he works a full time job. He basically

2:51

fits us in between like the hours

2:53

of probably one am and three am,

2:56

and I just I am so thankful

2:58

for him for doing that. So as much as is I would

3:00

like to make this my career, which you know, if

3:02

you guys are crazy and decided to start

3:05

giving a lot of money, then so be it. I'll do this full

3:07

time. I'll hang out with a bunch of people, I'll fly

3:09

all over the place. I'll be a journalist. But

3:11

I don't foresee that happening. But what I do

3:14

foresee happening is some of you being like, hey,

3:16

I'll give a few dollars a month to this

3:18

show, and that's all I'm looking for.

3:21

So basically, if you visit this page

3:23

patreon dot com, backslash

3:25

the letter X purpose X,

3:28

which for those of you that pay attention to be

3:30

online. That is like every single

3:32

online avatar that I've ever had, some stages

3:34

of probably about fifteen Patreon dot

3:36

com, backslash x, purpose X. And

3:38

what you will be able to do is you will be able to

3:40

contribute a monthly fee

3:43

to the show. And what does that mean. It's

3:45

like, okay, for two dollars a month,

3:47

I'm just gonna support this show. I'm

3:49

gonna be like, yo, this is worth this much

3:52

money and I want to give this to them them

3:54

A K A me. Keep in mind, I have to pay

3:56

taxes on this stuff. I'm not like walking away

3:58

being like all right, sweet act free money

4:00

like awesome. No, this is a legit

4:03

above the board operation. Basically, it's

4:05

a combination Kickstarter slash fund drive

4:08

is this will have no end date. But what's

4:11

awesome about it is it does have a lot of cool rewards.

4:14

So, like, the biggest reward is like you

4:16

contribute a large amount of when I

4:18

say large, you contribute a decent

4:20

chunk size of money a month, I'll interview

4:23

you. That's it, and it'll be awesome and I'll publish it

4:25

down the line as a as an actual episode

4:28

of the show, and then there's also stickers,

4:30

there's buttons, there is

4:32

exclusive newsletters, there's a bunch

4:34

of fun stuff that I've worked really hard

4:37

to put together. There's a video on the page

4:39

Patreon dot com, backslash

4:41

ex purpose x, and you will be able

4:43

to contribute all of course publishers on

4:45

my social network. So if you forget the website,

4:47

it's totally fine. You can either email me

4:50

or just look on any social network and

4:52

you'll be able to find it. But anyways, that is

4:55

what I want to do with you, guys. I

4:57

want to help build this thing. I want to be able

4:59

to make the show sound awesome.

5:01

I would love to be able to fly to places to interview

5:03

people, like just stuff that's

5:05

hard for me to do right now because obviously

5:08

I just don't have the resources to do it. So

5:10

there you are, my hat in hand. I'm

5:12

coming to you being like, hey, if you feel this is worth

5:15

something, pay something that's awesome. I

5:17

would really appreciate it. And even if you don't,

5:19

that's fine. Let me put it this way. If the amount

5:21

of people that download this show on a weekly basis

5:24

decide to give like one dollar

5:26

a month, that will be murdering

5:30

goals that I have set for this thing, you

5:32

know, honestly thousands and thousands of dollars,

5:34

and it would be like, holy crap, I

5:36

don't know what to do with all this. But that's not true, because

5:38

I do know what to do with all this. I would put it right

5:40

back into the show because I have

5:42

a full time job. Everything's fine. From that perspective.

5:45

All I want to do is make this show better

5:47

for you. Enough of me rambling. Let's talk

5:49

about Brittany. So Pitty Sex

5:51

came across my table desk whatever you

5:54

like. Can call it a while back, just vi a run for Cover,

5:56

because they have released an epin of full length

5:58

on that label, and it was one of

6:00

those things where it got described to me like, oh yeah,

6:02

it's kind of like Joy Division, post Punky

6:05

inter Pool, like all the stuff that just

6:07

completely rings my bell. I I love

6:09

all that stuff, and I was so excited to check it out. I

6:11

listened to it, and while it didn't live

6:13

up to those expectations, it was really

6:16

really good, especially for

6:18

a younger band, because there are all all

6:20

the members of this band are essentially in their early to

6:22

mid twenties, and so I immediately just kind of started

6:25

looking around at the band and seeing what they were doing.

6:27

And it was cool because the thing that struck

6:29

me about them is that they don't take themselves seriously

6:32

as far as their online persons are concerned.

6:34

They don't try to be you know, this serious,

6:36

dark, brooding band that comes out in

6:38

their music and their lyrical content. And

6:41

they also do this band on their own terms. Like you

6:43

know, they all go to school, they all have lives outside

6:45

of the band, and I just find it so

6:48

cool that you can have these two

6:50

polar opposite sides of your life that

6:53

inform one another. Anyways, we talked about

6:55

that. Brittany was awesome. She was She

6:57

was a little nervous, but she killed it. She did

7:00

such a good job. She she told me before

7:02

we started the interview, She's like, I've never done anything

7:04

like this before. I'm like, trust me, it'll be okay.

7:06

So anyways, here's my conversation with Brittany, and I'll

7:09

talk to you afterwards sort

7:35

of entry points or introduction

7:37

to kind of you know you and your your your

7:39

music and stuff like that, because we

7:42

we have a lot of mutual friends, but we've obviously

7:44

never met each other. And yeah, I don't think we've

7:46

been in the same room. But anyways, regardless,

7:49

once once your bands kind of popped up into

7:52

my own personal radar. It was one of those things

7:54

where I mean, and I know this

7:56

is a common reaction and you will

7:58

probably explain yourself times

8:01

moving forward, but it's like, there's no way

8:04

to say your band's name not awkward,

8:06

Like that's impossible. Like yeah,

8:09

even in putting this in my calendar, it

8:12

was like, uh, Brittany Pretty Sex,

8:14

Like, clearly I have I have Pretty

8:16

Sex scheduled with you at one o'clock this afternoon.

8:19

It's like, yes, so I'm sure,

8:21

I'm sure. I mean, obviously, I presume the

8:23

intention is to make it extremely awkward

8:25

for people to to say your band name

8:28

in any in any context. Am

8:30

I allowed to talk about it? Right now? We're

8:32

recording, we're recording, we're in we're going, okay,

8:35

I just want to make sure we're in the mix right now. Okay.

8:37

Actually the name was already

8:40

a name before I joined the band. I moved

8:42

here from Grand Rapids and moved

8:44

in with the rest of the Pitty Sexers,

8:47

and they had already I was like a fan,

8:49

Like, I mean, they were my friends, but I was like, I really

8:51

like your band, guys, and

8:54

they were like, you know, we really want to like

8:57

change things up a little bit and have some keemale

9:00

vocals and stuff, So do you want to join? And I was like,

9:02

yeah, sure, And I didn't

9:04

really think much as a name because it

9:06

was already so ingrained in my brain, like it's

9:08

just like a band. But when I

9:10

told my parents about it, I was kind of like, yeah,

9:13

so I joined a new band UM called

9:15

Pity Sex uh. And

9:17

now I mean, like now

9:20

I am used to how um

9:22

people react to it and kind of just say,

9:25

yeah, they chose the name before I was in the band,

9:28

but it was actually their friend who is now

9:30

a model, and he

9:32

was the one who came up with the name, as

9:35

I think, like kind of a joke, and

9:37

then it just kind of stuck and now it's

9:39

it's worked out beneficially for us.

9:42

I would say, oh yeah, there's

9:44

definitely an element of controversy

9:46

and baggage that immediately goes into the

9:48

band name. So it's like people, you know, people

9:51

will undoubtedly judge your band solely

9:53

off of the name. They'll be like, oh yeah, oh,

9:55

I see where they're coming. From yeah, But at

9:57

the same time, at least it inspires

9:59

that discussion with people being like, yo,

10:02

what's up with that band? Like what why? Why would they

10:04

even name themselves that? That's crazy? Yeah,

10:06

well you yourself like walking into it.

10:08

What's been the most awkward situation that

10:10

you've obviously had to I mean, is it the conversation

10:13

you had with your parents where it's like, yeah, so I'm in

10:15

this band or what are the random

10:17

context it's been like, oh, really, that's

10:19

what you're doing. My parents they're just kind

10:21

of like whatever, you know, like Brittany's

10:23

in a band again. I would say in school

10:26

it happens a lot like I'll like have

10:28

to take time or not take time

10:30

off, but like have to fis a

10:32

section of a class or something to do

10:34

something related to the band, and

10:37

I'll tell my professor and uh,

10:40

They're usually just like, oh, cool, what's

10:42

your band's name? And I'm either

10:44

lie or just like come up

10:47

with something off the top of my head because I just don't want

10:49

to have that conversation. But there's been a few

10:51

instances where I have not had anything

10:53

else to come up, you know, to like lie

10:56

with, and just

10:58

told them the band names, and and that

11:00

was just mostly with students, and they usually

11:02

react actually pretty pretty well.

11:05

I don't think anybody has like judged me

11:07

too much based on that. Sure,

11:10

sure, I imagine too, because it's like it's

11:12

it's a different story if it's in the context

11:14

like obviously you being female, that's

11:16

loaded already totally, and so it's

11:18

like, you know, a guy to say that is kind of

11:20

like, you know, there's that sort of like not

11:22

saying that the rest of your band members have a

11:24

macho attitude, but there's that like, oh, yeah,

11:26

we're called pitty sex, like what of it? But

11:29

you as a female, it's like kind of like, yeah,

11:32

there's it's called this. That's

11:35

exactly how I say it too, and like we're called

11:37

pitty sex. It's like a

11:39

question mark at the end. Yeah, Like I

11:41

don't though if I am allowed to tell you this

11:44

in public. It's definitely

11:46

not a comfortable um conversation

11:48

for the most part. And people also I'm like worried

11:50

that people won't take it seriously and

11:53

like, you know, oh, I'm doing this thing, I have to

11:55

take time to time off from this, um

11:57

what's your man called pitty sex? And then they're like Okay,

11:59

well no you're not. You're not going to take

12:01

time after that. Yeah,

12:05

no, that's that's definitely true. And I don't

12:07

mean to belabor the point. It's I just wanted

12:09

to highlight the fact that you obviously have to

12:12

you know, struggle with that and figure out

12:14

how that relates to the

12:16

outside world and you, like you said,

12:18

just having to kind of step into this and be, you

12:21

know, be a part of it with being like, well, I

12:23

have to figure out how to do this. It

12:26

could have been worse. That's like, that's just how

12:28

I've kind of thought about it, Like it could have been something really

12:31

offensive or something. It's at least

12:33

something that people most of the time, like we've had

12:35

to cross borders and stuff, and when

12:37

they ask a start name, they just laugh and

12:39

they're like, all right, go go ahead. That's

12:43

incredible. It's like you're almost diffusing

12:45

the situation with with humor that It's

12:47

like, there's that soh you

12:50

mentioned like you said you moved to because

12:52

you're in ann Arbor right now, correct, And

12:54

you so you moved there from from

12:56

Grand Rapids you said there

12:58

before you were born in Grand

13:00

Rapids. I was born in Lansing Michigan,

13:03

but moved to Grand Rapids when

13:06

I was like eighteen or something. I think so,

13:08

but your your formative years you were in Lansing, right,

13:11

yes, near Landing, Grand

13:13

Ledge, Michigan. It's like an un nowhere,

13:15

Okay. And so because

13:18

that that is an area that I haven't spent very

13:20

much time and personally like that because

13:23

in northern Michigan is you know,

13:25

not many bands too or through there. I mean, I think I

13:27

it's like the only times I played in Michigan were like Detroit

13:30

and like Yippsilanti, which was terrifying

13:32

in and of itself. Yes, yeah, so I would like it's

13:35

a very rural area. I imagine that you you

13:37

grew up in. It was suburban

13:39

more so than rural. U there was like

13:41

farms and stuff, but there was like definitely

13:44

kids that lived in the what

13:47

I would consider the city.

13:49

Granted it was a really small city

13:51

and we were right next to East Lansing which

13:54

is Michigan State University, so there

13:56

was like I guess, more urban areas

13:59

around. It wasn't like completely rural.

14:02

I definitely had I had a backyard

14:04

though, like I like hung out in the woods and

14:06

stuff. So it wasn't like, you know, downtown

14:09

anywhere, right you strike

14:11

me, you know, just I'm just

14:13

placing I wouldn't even call it judgment, but I'm

14:15

I'm inferring from how you you know, you

14:17

present yourself that you were very artistically

14:20

inclined a little girl, and you were spending

14:22

a lot of time out in the woods rather than you

14:24

know, hanging out with your barbies. You know, not

14:26

not to say there's anything wrong with hanging out with barbies, because

14:28

that's that's you know, that's okay. Actually that's

14:31

funny because I I just never owned

14:33

a barbie. I never really wanted one,

14:36

and I loved like that's like what I used

14:38

to pride, not pride myself out, but I would be like,

14:40

you know, like I never I was such a tomboy

14:42

that barbies were. I also

14:44

thought that they smelled weird for some reason,

14:47

and like just really didn't even want to touch

14:49

them. So you're correct in that aspect.

14:52

But at the same time, I um,

14:54

like I said, I was a I was like a tomboy,

14:57

and I just wanted to hang out with my brother who

14:59

was like two years He's two years older

15:01

than me, and so we just kinda got

15:03

along for most of our childhood and

15:06

kind of want he was like my role model,

15:08

Like I want to be like him, and

15:10

um, he is not

15:13

artistic whatsoever, so I

15:15

would and I kind of

15:18

my parents wanted me to be

15:20

the artistic child because of

15:22

he is a cheat. He's actually a

15:24

genius. So they were kind of like, well,

15:27

we need to give you something too, like he's

15:29

good at this, but you're really artistic.

15:32

Um, but I actually have not like very

15:35

good at anything you know that is

15:37

traditionally associated with art. Um,

15:41

I'm good at crafting, but I'm not good

15:43

at anything like artistically.

15:45

Sure you can repurpose things,

15:47

but maybe it's difficult for you

15:50

to create something completely out of nothing,

15:52

so to speak. Yes, I have no depth

15:54

perception or like mostly the visual

15:56

arts, I just don't get it. And I was like, I

15:58

appreciate other people can do it, I

16:01

just can't do it myself. But they kind of

16:03

pushed that on me a little bit, and so I was like,

16:05

oh, I'm not that's not me. M

16:07

M. That's so that's interesting. So you said your

16:09

brother is two years older than you, and

16:12

so so did you kind of just

16:14

basically be like you said that sort of tomboy

16:16

girl trying to, um, you know,

16:18

just play play the play the sports

16:21

your brother was playing and just kind of following his

16:23

foot, didn't I probably

16:25

didn't play sports, okay or

16:28

be active. Um yeah, we

16:30

were like I mean, my brother was straight up

16:32

he still is a nerd, and

16:35

um like that's what I associated

16:37

with being a tomboy. Kind of interesting,

16:41

yeah, because I I, yeah, I immediately

16:43

connected the tomboyishness with you

16:45

know, I mean girls that I was in like elementary school

16:47

with that would you know, play tether ball with me

16:49

and kind of kick my ass. So like that's what I equate

16:51

to a tomboy rabbit. So that's funny that you

16:53

look at this sort of nerd archetype

16:56

and or like, oh, yeah, that's like a tomboy.

17:00

Uh. I mean, let's

17:02

to say I was sporty spice, like whenever

17:04

we picked, like, I was definitely sporty spice.

17:06

But I wasn't good at sports either,

17:09

So it wasn't it definitely wasn't my forte.

17:11

It wasn't his either, got it? Got it? So

17:14

he would buy all definitions of the term kind

17:16

of more of a more of an indoor

17:18

kid and was was playing with his

17:20

uh, you know, computer so to speak. Oh,

17:23

yeah, he was. He loved those computers.

17:26

He builds them now, it's crazy.

17:28

He's always been very much into

17:30

them. And that was he was an indoor kid.

17:32

But we would like, like I said, we would like hang

17:34

out in the woods and stuff. So,

17:37

yeah, I'm trying to paint the picture where like you would be,

17:40

you are sensitive to the world around you.

17:42

But yeah, but not not to the point where you know, you're climbing

17:44

trees and swinging off of you know, ropes

17:46

into lakes and stuff like that. Not

17:49

in the lakes. No, we did have We did have

17:51

actually like a rope swing

17:54

like thing that we made, and there was a

17:56

few times that we tried to build forts out there,

17:59

but we never we

18:02

we didn't really do anything too dangerous. I think my

18:04

mom kind of instilled less it if we did anything

18:06

even remotely adventurous, but we would just die

18:08

or something. So we just kind of kept by

18:10

the rules. Sure, sure, yeah,

18:13

you kept thinking safe and so so

18:15

your your family structure was your mom and dad

18:17

and you and your brother and what did your what'd your parents do

18:19

for a living as they were you were growing up. My mom

18:22

was an actuary. I don't know, like nobody

18:24

knows what that is. I still have

18:26

like a hard time understanding what it is, even though she

18:28

did that forever. She uh

18:31

something to do with worsk analysis and insurance.

18:33

Yeah, I think, I

18:36

think, if I'm not mistaken, you are an

18:38

actuary. Is the person that

18:40

isn't necessarily like going out in the

18:42

field and and you know, looking at

18:44

something that happened. But those are

18:46

the people that are you know, taking

18:49

the you know, one billion scenarios

18:51

that happens when something, you know, something

18:54

goes wrong and putting like some sort

18:56

of value on it from an insurance standpoint.

18:59

Yeah, that was basically that

19:02

was basically what she did. But she also did

19:04

she had spreadsheets

19:07

for just like she wasn't very

19:09

much a number's job. That's

19:11

that's all I really know. Um, And

19:14

my dad was the computer programmer.

19:17

Um, but I like, I don't

19:19

think that he ever did any computer programming

19:21

at his job. I think that was just his title. It

19:24

was just like a dude that in another

19:26

insurance company, So that's

19:28

all he did. So, yeah, you you were

19:30

surrounded by people who were very analytical

19:33

and very deliberate about what they were doing. Oh,

19:35

yeah, Oh definitely. I think my my

19:37

dad is not so much. UM

19:40

he like hated his job, so

19:43

I wouldn't really associate him too much with that.

19:46

He but he he is in some respectful

19:48

a lot my brother and mom definitely,

19:51

I would say that describe

19:53

them being in that kind of environment. And like

19:55

you said, your parents were trying to foster the sort

19:57

of you know, they

20:00

wanted to encourage you to fill a role that

20:02

you didn't particularly identify with. UM,

20:04

you know, was that you know, was that difficult

20:07

for you kind of like trying to navigate those waters

20:09

to be like, well, I don't I don't identify

20:11

with this, but I don't necessarily know where

20:13

I want to kind of point myself towards. Absolutely,

20:16

I something that like I've talked to them about, So

20:18

it's not like coming out of nowhere or anything.

20:21

UM, And I was able, Like, I think it's

20:23

kind of something that not most people of

20:25

a lot of people don't really consider how

20:27

their parents might have tried

20:29

to shape them as you were growing as they were

20:31

growing up. But I was always kind of just trying to

20:33

figure out what was going on. If that

20:36

was difficult for you to obviously try to

20:38

um, you know, because especially if at an early age,

20:40

if they are kind of setting you on a

20:42

path and you don't identify

20:44

with that path. So I presume that was difficult

20:47

for you to kind of try to find your own way

20:49

from that perspective. Oh

20:52

yeah, no it was. But in the same

20:54

respect, like I

20:56

I in some instances,

20:59

I some times wish that they would have like pushed

21:01

me in a more academic kind of um

21:04

direction because I think that I

21:07

had like I would be in

21:09

a different place now if they had.

21:12

Nonetheless, I'm very happy with where I actually

21:14

did end up, and I don't

21:16

think that I would have as good as a grasp

21:19

on who I actually am and what I

21:21

actually enjoy if they hadn't

21:23

pushed me in kind of false directions. So

21:26

it really wasn't something that was like traumatizing

21:29

or anything like that. It was just kind of something

21:31

that I would recognized later on in life.

21:34

I mean, in hearing you speak and seeing

21:36

how you kind of present yourself. You know you're because

21:38

you're in your early twenties, right, Yes, I know,

21:40

I'm not. I'm not going to do the typical you're not supposed

21:42

to ask a girl her age, but I'll just I'll give you the ballpark

21:45

though, but yeah, you see, you strike me, you know,

21:47

as as a more mature person than

21:49

um. You know, some people are like you know, I look

21:52

at other people who I've met, and even

21:54

when I was in my early twenties, you don't

21:56

think of yourself. All you are is you're kind

21:58

of existing. You know, you're just like in the fast

22:00

paced motion thing, especially when

22:02

you're obviously involved in like music

22:04

and being creative. You know, you don't have

22:07

it, you don't have an opportunity to like reflect

22:09

on yourself. And it sounds like you've obviously

22:11

done a lot of that introspection already,

22:14

um, which, like you said, it helps

22:17

you set up for knowing yourself

22:19

better earlier on in life. Oh absolutely,

22:21

I'm like in the psych field so,

22:24

and I think that's what pushed me towards it. I've always

22:26

had like a meta cognition about myself

22:28

that has like pushed

22:31

me towards it. Um, And

22:33

it's always interested me. I've always like more

22:36

mar so myself and other people just kind

22:38

of tried to understand why I feel the

22:40

way that I feel and things like that. Um.

22:43

So, I would say that I have spent a

22:45

decent amount of time, um, kind

22:48

of doing that introspection you're

22:50

looking to you know, enter a field in which you

22:53

you obviously have to do that from a professional

22:55

standpoint. Yeah, it's actually it's

22:57

funny because like you actually learned not to

22:59

do that at all because

23:02

in two of the vances are usually wrong.

23:05

Um, and wasn't like

23:07

dis your own I

23:09

guess hunches. So

23:12

it's kind of me was like

23:15

combo of of um, you

23:17

know, like what led me into the field. I'll

23:19

have to not kind of like some room. And

23:22

so as you you know, as you were you were growing

23:24

up, and obviously as you started to you know in her high

23:26

school and those those formative years when

23:28

didn't like independent music in general, kind

23:30

of start to you know percolate um.

23:33

And you know, you you self

23:35

self describe in other you know, interviews

23:38

that you've done in regards to, you know, reference

23:40

yourself as a goth with you

23:42

or or maybe referencing yourself going through a

23:44

goth phase. So was that was that kind

23:47

of your first entry point as far as independent

23:49

music is concerned. Oh? No,

23:51

I like metal core, Like I was like really

23:53

into like the Christian metal

23:56

core. Did did you come from a

23:58

religious household, not part

24:00

particularly my dad is

24:02

now like they're like they're religious,

24:05

Um, but we didn't go to church or anything,

24:08

Okay, not really. It

24:10

was like an independent thing. I still

24:13

am pretty religious and like

24:16

in a loose sense of the word, but

24:20

yeah, I don't it was it

24:22

was a lot to do with like the

24:25

the people as well as

24:27

like that that drove me into the Christian

24:30

mel car Yeah, well because

24:32

I think, I mean, it's funny because so many people,

24:34

um, you know, have such a negative

24:36

opinion of that, you know, that that

24:39

specific style of music. But it's like i

24:41

mean, even in my formative years, like that was

24:43

still because this is like you know, like late nineties,

24:45

so it's like you know, I mean that's when Tooth

24:48

and Nail and Solid State started to absolutely

24:50

explode and it was like almost unavoidable.

24:52

But then, like you know, I presume a lot

24:54

of the bands that you know you were intro too, were

24:58

you know, under Oath, Devil, DOUV,

25:00

Worse Product, and like that's sort of like you know, second or

25:02

third generation but still just

25:05

as pervasive. And you know, it's it's

25:07

it's identifying as as a kid where you're

25:09

just like okay, there's this awesome band or being

25:12

loud and you know, doing this, doing

25:14

this cool thing. But then there's kind of, you know, there's an

25:16

additional layer to it of like their convictions

25:18

and you know, faith and everything else that's mixed up

25:20

in it. So is that what was kind of you know, pulling

25:23

you towards that? Oh yeah, I mean that was part

25:25

of it. I didn't really realize

25:27

that a lot of the bands were Christian, to be

25:29

honest, I just kind of got

25:31

into them because they were all on the same label, and

25:34

you know, like you get you find

25:36

one and then it kind of back in those days,

25:38

you couldn't just do it internet search like you

25:41

kind of just had to do an actual like

25:44

some research or you order. I

25:46

remember I would like order a like

25:48

a c D and get one

25:51

of those booklets that has like all

25:53

the labels other releases that you could

25:55

order from the phone.

25:57

Sure, and

26:00

that's how I was actually introduced to like

26:02

to like nineties emo and stuff like

26:04

that that I like really fell into

26:06

after that was because of like I

26:09

don't I'm trying to remember. I have no idea

26:11

what band it would have been, but it's something that you would never associate

26:14

with that um, and

26:16

I just was flipping through the catalog

26:18

and I was like, Oh, that's really cool to like,

26:20

this sounds interesting. How I'll check

26:23

out cap and Jazz. You have

26:25

a weird name. Uh.

26:28

She just kind of spirals from there. Wasn't

26:31

introduced primarily by the people you were

26:33

hanging out with a high school and stuff like that kind

26:35

of there was. I mean, we didn't

26:38

live in a cool place, like a hit cool place.

26:40

So there was like three or

26:42

four people who I was

26:44

who I was friends with there, who um,

26:47

We're like interested in the same thing and like had a

26:49

band and stuff, and they

26:52

would like introduce me to a couple of

26:54

things. But I

26:56

mean I was like I actually

26:59

was expelled right like

27:02

a little after I got interested

27:04

in that type of music, and

27:06

so I just didn't really have that connection

27:09

with anybody from the school. It was more like

27:11

internet connections. I feel like that I got

27:13

um introduced to more music

27:16

from you expelled your junior year. It

27:18

was my sophomore year. It was like the beginning

27:20

of a sophomore year, I think, right. And that

27:23

I mean for anybody that that

27:25

you know, can do a small amount of research,

27:27

can find out about that, so I won't. I

27:29

won't bother you for the story because it's it's

27:32

it is pretty funny. I'm sure it was traumatic at the time.

27:34

Yeah, is it one of those things you look

27:36

back on that time and are bummed

27:38

that it played out like that because you didn't have that sort

27:41

of connectivity. I'm so happy.

27:43

I am so grateful. I wrote

27:45

a letter to the person who like

27:48

basically made me, you know,

27:51

be expelled, and I was like, I'm

27:53

so grateful because I first

27:56

of all, I got a way better education

27:58

because I was homeschooled and and I have

28:00

like teachers who were a tuned

28:02

to my like specific needs

28:05

and they were like pushing more than

28:07

the regular high school curriculum.

28:10

But also I basically graduated

28:13

really early and was able to start my I

28:15

don't know, I'm not not adult life,

28:18

but my like post high school life

28:20

really early, and I feel like that's really shaped

28:23

who I am and changed my perspective.

28:26

And I also was able to kind

28:29

of branch out to see, well other

28:31

people are like like people who aren't

28:33

just from my school. Um,

28:35

because that's kind of like you have a core group at

28:38

high school and then that's all

28:40

you need. That's all it really matters. But because I

28:42

didn't have that I had, I think pushed way more

28:44

into music because that was my

28:46

friend group. That was like who I hung out with,

28:48

and that was the only social life that I really

28:50

had because I wasn't going to a

28:53

a school and being like corralled in with a bunch

28:55

of people every day. R. So I'm

28:57

definitely really grateful. I'm really really

28:59

grateful. At that point, you're forced

29:01

to look for an additional, well

29:03

not an additional, a primary community

29:06

for you to to kind of latch onto and rather

29:08

than you know, like you said, being like, oh, I

29:11

guess I'll go to prom or whatever, you

29:13

know, whatever you have to do because you're a part of high

29:15

school. You hit on an important thing that I think a

29:17

lot of people, um, you know, struggle

29:20

with, is the idea you know, when you're

29:22

in high school, Like there's obviously that feeling of you

29:24

know, being trapped and like when does my life start?

29:26

And like oh man, like there's

29:28

the pull and push of like, okay, when does my life start?

29:30

But at the same time, it's kind of terrifying to graduate

29:33

because you're removed from your comfort

29:35

zone. But the thing that I you

29:37

know, that's that's unique about your story is the

29:39

fact that I feel that people that

29:41

start stuff in high school or are forced

29:44

to do not force, but decide

29:46

to do things differently, whether

29:48

it is like you know, playing a band, or whether it is

29:50

like be expelled. Like having

29:53

having those those outside experiences

29:55

helps you start early quote unquote

29:58

like you're like exactly like you said, Yeah,

30:00

I definitely feel like I got ahead start, even

30:02

though like now I'm still in college and I'm

30:04

totally four, I did get

30:06

ahead start. I just had a couple

30:08

of pauses in between. But even just like in

30:10

my like forming my personality

30:13

and my values and things that I

30:15

enjoy and don't enjoying, like kind of like we

30:18

talked about earlier, getting a feel for who

30:20

I am, those are all things that

30:22

I dealt with because I had Hey, I had

30:24

so much more time and

30:26

be because I like I was kind

30:28

of forced to decide what I wanted to

30:30

do with my time. Nobody was telling me what

30:33

to do. It was just kind of you

30:35

have to figure it out yourself. And

30:37

so did you you know, as you were you know, started

30:39

to go to shows and started to experience

30:42

like that stuff, did

30:44

you immediately have the notion that

30:46

you wanted to, you know, playing bands

30:48

and and kind of do that or was that something that just

30:50

kind of by by default started

30:53

to kind of seep into your life always.

30:56

Well, I've always okay, I I

30:59

was not really I wouldn't

31:01

have ever like consider myself a musician

31:03

or anything like that. Um, but I've always

31:06

been like super into

31:08

singing. Like I was in singing

31:10

lessons when I was little, and it

31:13

was something that I just wanted

31:15

to do all the time. I would like

31:17

put on Tony Braxton and

31:19

like Seline Dian in my room and

31:22

just sting along. I have like karaoke tapes

31:24

that I would just sting along too. I

31:26

really really loved it, and like I mean obviously

31:29

still do. So that was actually what

31:31

pushed me into it. It's not like I ever wanted

31:33

to be like a you know, you know, a band

31:35

or a performer or anything like that. I

31:37

just like I really enjoyed doing

31:39

it. Yeah,

31:42

you like singing, You like the actual act of

31:44

it? Yeah? Like I still

31:46

I get so mad when I'm

31:49

in a car or something and somebody doesn't

31:51

turn it up loud enough to sing along. I'm like, come

31:53

on, why wouldn't you want to It's so much fun.

31:56

It's just something I always wanted to do.

31:59

And my dad has a video tapes of me when

32:01

we're when we were a little and just

32:03

like yelling in the background, I want to sing.

32:07

I guess I always wanted to do it. Yeah,

32:09

that's amazing. Yeah, that was that

32:12

was what pushed me into it. It wasn't like I wanted

32:14

to do it, but it was just an avenue

32:16

for me to do it. And did you know the

32:19

kind of you know, backtracking for a second, but did

32:21

with the you know, with the expulsion and all

32:24

that sort of stuff, Like I presume that

32:26

did that cause huge fraction within your your

32:29

household as far as like the relationship with your parents

32:31

or was that something you were able to kind of, you

32:34

know, navigate without too much

32:36

strife. No, it was really it was really

32:38

bad at the time. I'm really

32:41

fortunate that my parents

32:43

were able to like homeschool me, because I just

32:45

would have not ever finished

32:48

high school otherwise because I was at house arrest

32:50

so I can't go to a different school. And

32:53

it was really bad because my mom had cancer

32:55

and my brother had cancer at the time,

32:58

and so they were like going in and out of chemo

33:01

and I'm sitting there like, oh,

33:03

I staid, minding mean to my teacher,

33:06

and now you have to deal with all this stuff

33:08

and my you know, like

33:10

just even court gates and things like. It was it

33:12

was really really bad. It was traumatic

33:14

for everyone involved. It sounds I mean in

33:17

what you're describing it. I mean that's

33:19

like a million moving parts. So there's

33:21

no way that that wouldn't be stressful

33:23

for not only yourself but everybody else.

33:26

Oh. Absolutely, I mean it was more so everybody

33:28

else. I was like very depressed

33:31

because I couldn't talk to my friends and stuff

33:33

like that, or couldn't see my friends

33:35

and just whatever. Like now

33:37

I look back on it, and I realized that it

33:39

was actually way, way, way worse for it

33:43

wasn't It wasn't all about you, Brittany. That's kind

33:45

of strange, right, I Mean it's

33:48

teenagers, man. When you're a teenager,

33:51

it really is all about you. And

33:53

now I look back, I feel so bad, and I've

33:56

I've made that clear. So

33:58

I presume both your mother

34:00

and your brother have have got through that. Are they still

34:02

battling cancer? Oh? Actually my mom passed

34:05

away from from cancer like two

34:07

years ago. Yeah,

34:09

but she had she had cancer my like

34:12

since I can remember, and she actually

34:14

was very much a fighter. And

34:17

then my brother is fine now he had them

34:19

filma and um, like,

34:21

that's the kind of cancer that would once you

34:23

get rid of it, it stays away, so it's not

34:25

really any danger anymore. So I presume

34:28

I presume that with your your mother passing,

34:30

you're just like acutely aware

34:33

of what, um, you know, how devastating

34:35

that diseases. And obviously everybody

34:38

that surrounds you, I'm sure knows that the

34:40

tragedy that you went through yourself. My mom

34:43

was like a perfect human,

34:45

I would say, Um, anybody

34:47

who knew her would would probably say

34:49

that. So it's you

34:52

know, obviously it was really really really

34:55

bad and difficult. Um,

34:57

but she I

35:00

just like when I I looked at it in a

35:02

positive way, and I still do kind of that.

35:04

Some people don't even get parents that they

35:07

love, and I at least have a

35:09

parents that I was able to, you

35:12

know, mourn for, and you know, I don't

35:14

want to be too dreary or anything, but no, yeah,

35:16

that's your statement is absolutely true. Yeah,

35:19

I feel lucky. I mean, two of my best friends

35:21

are are both adopted and they

35:23

had like traumatic childhood

35:26

because they didn't have like a

35:28

mom for a while, you know, part part

35:30

of their life. They appos we found a family

35:32

with their adopted parents. But I think

35:34

that's kind of framed how I look at it um

35:36

from people don't even get

35:38

that, Like some people don't have a mom. So

35:41

I'm really fortunate that I have one that I

35:43

can miss so much that yeah,

35:45

you can actually you can take solace

35:47

and comfort and the fact that you had

35:50

a relationship with her. You have these existing

35:52

bonds that will never be torn apart, even

35:54

you know, through death. She's in your head. That's it. There's

35:57

no one can take it away from you. Oh absolutely,

35:59

I steel s. I feel like I'm growing up to you

36:01

know, you see your mother and yourself or your father

36:04

and yourself, and every time I, you

36:06

know, I do something that would remind

36:08

me of her, I'm just like, oh, there,

36:11

there, it is turning into her. You're

36:13

like, she well, she's she's still Yeah,

36:15

she's lived on through me. And so then so

36:18

as you as you graduated, like you said,

36:20

early through you know, your high school experience,

36:22

did you immediately start trying to figure

36:25

out what you wanted to do? Was like psychology

36:27

part of your your plan at that point or was it

36:30

once you kind of graduated, we're eighteen and can kind

36:32

of move out. Is that what you wanted to do

36:34

immediately? No, I it

36:37

was something that was interesting to me. I

36:39

wouldn't say that it was like a plan yet. Um,

36:42

I really didn't know what I wanted to do. It was, which

36:44

was difficult because my brother was kind

36:46

of like as soon as he graduated

36:49

high school, he went to college and then

36:52

finished early with a four point

36:54

oh at like a really difficult

36:57

school with a really difficult programs, and

36:59

then immediately was given an

37:01

internship and they paid for

37:03

him to go to grad school and

37:06

all this. Like he just wasn't a really big success

37:08

and just kind of went straight straight ahead.

37:10

And I definitely took some time

37:12

to like to figure out what

37:14

I was doing and and just like relaxed

37:17

and took my you know, I definitely

37:20

didn't know for a long time. I knew that I

37:22

wanted to just do something to like make

37:24

my parents proud. You

37:26

know, everybody kind of has best feeling, like I want to

37:29

like they put a lot of effort into my into

37:31

my future, so I just kind of want to make

37:34

sure that it's not a complete failure.

37:37

Um. So I went to a community college

37:39

and just took a bunch of classes

37:41

all over the place and eventually

37:44

took a slight class and loved

37:46

it, loved my professor, and

37:49

it just kind of seemed right then. I after,

37:51

you know, I actually had a lot of times

37:53

where I was looking to change

37:56

my major, change my mind, and I

37:58

was just kind of like, well, my as well, go with psych

38:01

because that's what I have going

38:04

on right now. And it's a little you

38:06

know, it's a good problem to have to have. Like too

38:08

many options, is how I kind of look

38:10

at it. But I'm actually doing um

38:13

English as well that even

38:16

until this day, I'm having a really hard time to

38:18

you know, like splitting what I want

38:20

to do and like putting all my effort into one because

38:23

I just want to do too many different things.

38:25

So I luckily I didn't

38:27

have to compromise. I just doing as

38:30

much as I want. Yeah. Well, yeah,

38:32

you're those are two completely different

38:34

disciplines. But cool you have the ability to obviously

38:36

explore both of those and be like, well, let's see, let's

38:38

see where each of these takes me. I'm definitely planning

38:40

on going to grad school for psych. So I'm

38:43

not going to really pursue the

38:46

the English, but this is a great thing to

38:48

have, you know, like knowledge wise, definitely,

38:50

That's not That was more of a I have

38:52

to finish some other like

38:55

requirements and I have a lot of time

38:57

at at school still, so I might as

38:59

well, yeah, go ahead do that, sure,

39:02

Sure, And so then we did playing

39:04

in your first band kind of you know, pop

39:06

up in your life. Was that obviously after after

39:09

high school ended? Yeah, I don't know how old

39:11

I was. I probably was like nineteen.

39:13

I would say, I think I'm really

39:15

bad with like gauging hold I was when things happened

39:17

for how many years ago because I still think it's two

39:20

thousand twelves for some reason. But we

39:23

I had a one of my friends, Graham Um.

39:26

I texted him and I was like, I really want to start

39:28

a band that sounds like New Order or something.

39:30

And he was like, okay, yeah, like I have

39:32

a bunch of ideas and gave

39:35

me this tape that he already had kind

39:37

of like I had, you know, my whole

39:39

life. I'm like, I want to be a band. I want to do this, I want

39:41

to do this. I want to do this and then you know, talking

39:44

about it with people and never following through, and

39:46

he kind of like forced me to follow through because we found

39:48

a basis. And then they were like, okay,

39:50

so our first practices Wednesday

39:52

and you're going to be there, and I was like, okay,

39:55

sounds great, and so I kind of just fell

39:57

into that one and it's great.

40:00

Was that was that procession?

40:02

Okay, that's Those are the only two

40:05

that I've ever done anything notable or

40:07

anything. Um, I presume

40:09

you played your first show with that. Yeah, that

40:11

was my first show. Because

40:14

because you you you strike me

40:16

too as a type of person where there

40:19

are there there are people who

40:21

it's like obviously like kind of you know, enjoy

40:23

being the center of attention, enjoy being in the spotlight,

40:25

and there are people who I like to call like, you

40:27

know, reluctant frontman. You

40:29

know. Um, And you strike me as a person

40:32

who's like, you know, I like

40:34

playing in a band, but I really hate getting in front

40:36

of people and doing it. And I am I correcting

40:38

that assumption absolutely. Um.

40:40

Yes, And I actually, like,

40:43

you know, I've always wanted to be a singer

40:46

of some sort. Um.

40:48

I actually started playing guitar

40:50

so that I could have something to do with

40:52

my hands while I'm on stage

40:55

and singing, because otherwise I would just feel

40:57

too uncomfortable to even do

40:59

it right. So it's it's

41:02

been a barrier to me. Yeah, No, I love

41:04

that because, yeah, there's definitely people you

41:06

know, I I used to sing in all the

41:08

bands I played in and there,

41:10

but there definitely is that element

41:13

of like if I ever you

41:15

know, like ticked around on on like my guitarists

41:18

guitar, there was that feeling of just like all

41:20

this kind of does feel like a shield in a way. Absolutely.

41:23

Yeah, great, Yeah, I love

41:27

I love that you were like, out of sheer

41:29

necessity, I am going to play guitar.

41:32

I learned how to play guitar, and literally

41:35

like two months before our first show,

41:37

I was like, I think I'm gonna play guitar in this

41:39

band. And then I

41:42

was going to play keyboard at first, and I'm terrible at

41:44

it, so I'm like, well, I guess I'll try guitar. I've always

41:46

wanted to um and

41:48

I had like, you know, learned covers and

41:51

things like that, but I had never played in a

41:53

hand or anything, you know, like I done

41:55

anything with love their people. So

41:58

I just kind of picked it up and I was like, otherwise

42:00

I'm gonna feel really uncomfortable. So I kind of forced

42:03

myself to just learn it. And it was

42:05

actually like the first show was horrible for

42:07

for I'm sure um

42:09

because of that, but eventually it became

42:12

it got better. Sure, yeah, you got

42:14

a little more comfortable up there. I mean, I don't

42:16

know why. It's always funny when you you know,

42:19

you playing your your first band or whatever, you always

42:21

feel like it's such a good idea to film your first

42:23

show, and it's like, nothing

42:25

could It's such a terrible idea. I just don't

42:27

do that. It is a terrible idea. It's

42:30

so I mean, I still am really

42:32

really uncomfortable and need

42:35

the guitar, and I only will do stuff

42:37

from like the side of the stage. Neither.

42:40

It's funny because Brennan is the same way. You

42:42

know, neither of us want to be in the middle. We're

42:45

like fighting for who can be farthest

42:47

to this side, and

42:49

You're like, can we go ahead put the drums up front

42:51

and we'll just go ahead and be behind him exactly.

42:54

That's that's basically that would be our

42:56

ideal situation, but unfortunately

42:59

that doesn't happen. Yeah, people, people

43:01

may find that that stage set up a little strange.

43:04

Yeah, Um,

43:07

I have to bring it up just because it's it's

43:09

something that I found interesting where it's like, you know, I mean I've done

43:11

a hundred some odd episodes of this show and

43:13

it's like I've had you are literally my

43:16

a third female that I've had on and

43:18

so you know, it's such I mean,

43:20

it's painfully obvious. But obviously, you

43:22

know, independent music in general, whether you talk

43:25

about punk, hardcore, indie rock, whatever,

43:27

it's you know, completely male dominated.

43:30

Um, how how is that navigated

43:32

in your own head in regards to like once you

43:34

first started to go to shows and are like, hey,

43:37

so I'm kind of one of the only females here,

43:39

Like, you know, how how how has your journey been

43:41

with that? Because it's something that, um, it

43:44

has to wear on you. I'm sure. Yeah,

43:46

it's definitely, definitely, I

43:48

know it's a very large question.

43:50

I apologize, but I mean I guess,

43:52

like, you know, maybe maybe a good way to

43:54

start it off is like when you first started to you

43:56

know, realize that it's like, oh wow,

43:59

like I am the not only

44:01

am I going to you know, a hardcore

44:04

show, which is a minority of a minority

44:06

as far as you know music is concerned,

44:08

but then at an additional layer, like I

44:10

am one of only five girls at the show,

44:13

like, you know, how did w did you first start to notice

44:15

that? Well, as I said, I've always kind of

44:17

gravitated towards things that are or

44:19

like been friends with boys,

44:21

like, um, you know, my best friend

44:23

growing up was a boy, and my brother

44:26

you know, was also my best friend, so I

44:29

I have I'm used to being one

44:31

of the only girls and and or

44:34

I was at the time used to being

44:36

like, um, one of the only girls in our situation.

44:39

So that didn't strike me really

44:42

at least not not too obviously, Like

44:44

I like noticed it, but it didn't really

44:46

affects me too much. I

44:48

don't think. I also had like a

44:50

one girl friend who would always be

44:53

with me, like we would go to shows together,

44:56

and I think that that kind of like I

44:58

didn't ever feel like complete we alone or anything

45:01

like that because of it. I've noticed

45:03

in you know, my years of going to shows where it's like,

45:05

you know, you definitely always find

45:08

you know, girls bonding together

45:10

for obvious reasons because of the

45:13

you know, the aggressive nature in the music.

45:15

It's just like the fact that like, you know, there's

45:17

we like to go to shows, but we also

45:20

like to be in a community as well, and not

45:22

just like like you said, the only girl in the room

45:24

where it's kind of like, oh, what's which, what's she doing

45:26

here? Um? And then I'm sure as you started

45:28

to go to shows and start to become more involved

45:30

in music in general, and you know the quote

45:33

unquote scene so to speak, the judgments

45:36

that get placed on girls in general,

45:39

as far as like like oh, you

45:41

know, she's she's here to obviously make out with band dudes,

45:43

and like you know, start to you know that

45:45

starts to that starts to play into it as

45:47

well. Um, you know when did how

45:50

how have you tried to? Uh?

45:52

I guess gracefully navigate that without

45:54

you know, you know, falling into the the the stereotypical

45:57

tradition of just like a girl that obviously is trying to

45:59

make with band dudes. Right. I'm really

46:01

lucky because in Grand Rapids, where

46:04

I like really honed that

46:06

whole scene or whatever, I would really

46:08

into it. Um,

46:10

there were more girls in the scene

46:12

than there were guys. I

46:15

don't know really why, but I

46:17

mean every almost every show

46:19

that I would go to there was multiple female

46:21

members in every band, And I

46:24

don't know what was unique about it.

46:26

UM. I've and very lucky

46:28

that I grew up in that or like came up

46:30

in that, you know environment, I noticed

46:33

it a lot more and like hardcore shows obviously,

46:35

but this was like more of like a punk kind of community

46:38

in Grand Rapid. I definitely do notice

46:41

it more like on this side of the state because

46:43

the you know, the composing side, there's

46:45

more. It's definitely male dominated.

46:48

It's like male

46:50

dominated. It's not too

46:52

much of an issue because by the time

46:54

I had moved here, first of all, people at least

46:56

like somewhat respected respected

46:58

me as a human being because they I'd like known

47:01

them through like doing shows for them

47:04

or whatever. Like It's

47:06

it's it's not like I was just like a h

47:09

new face to a lot of the

47:11

people in the in the more male dominated

47:13

scene. Um. There's definitely

47:15

been a number of times that

47:17

I've come across the like

47:20

just general disrespect um

47:22

or stereotyping UM.

47:25

But for for the most part, like those

47:28

the people who do that are

47:31

I don't. I just want to try carefully. The

47:33

people who do that like don't really matter.

47:36

People who do that are just shipheads,

47:39

you know, no, you're I'll

47:41

feel in the words for you where it's like the the

47:43

notion that it's like people that do have that sort of attitude

47:46

are usually quickly weeded out where

47:48

it's like okay, yeah, nobody really,

47:50

I mean, they don't stick around those.

47:53

The people who I'm like good friends with are

47:56

too smart to fall into that

47:58

that kind of stereotype, and they

48:00

already know who I am anyway. So

48:03

I think also just like having there, it's

48:06

kind of sad because I do think that like kind of having

48:08

their friendships validates

48:10

my my existence

48:13

as within the scene or whatever because

48:16

of their respectable people. I think

48:18

there's a notion to like the the idea

48:20

that you probably, you know, relatively

48:23

speaking, you probably had to work harder

48:25

to quote unquote build your credibility

48:27

because of simply because

48:30

of of you know, you being a female, Like

48:32

you had to work you know, you had to book whatever.

48:34

Using a shoddy example,

48:36

but it's like, you know, you had to book fifteen

48:39

shows before people are like, oh yo,

48:41

Brittany's like she's on the level like she's not she's

48:43

not one of those girls, quote unquote. And then

48:45

a guy, a guy us to book two shows and they're

48:47

like, oh yeah, that dude's cool, Like oh yeah,

48:49

absolutely. I mean, like I said, I'm

48:51

super lucky that I came up in

48:53

Grand Weapons and people were

48:57

they didn't have that attitude as much.

49:00

I mean, there's definitely like a couple of people who

49:03

did. But you know, I

49:05

can't even remember like booking my

49:07

first show or being a thing because

49:09

it was so people there were

49:12

just very accepting and and kind of wanted

49:14

people to get interested invested,

49:16

so they were more excited than like trying

49:19

to figure out who the poser is, like

49:21

they don't. They just didn't care about that, So,

49:24

um, I didn't. I luckily didn't really have to deal

49:26

with it as much as I know that a lot of other people

49:28

do. That's good, yeah, I mean, it's yeah, that's awesome

49:30

that you got to have a more you know,

49:33

for lack of better term, like natural experience,

49:35

you know, a a a gender neutral

49:37

experience as it were, um,

49:40

rather than you know, a highly charged atmosphere

49:43

of when I was going to show, well not was

49:45

like I'm like I'm retired. But when when I

49:47

was going to show, when I was going to shows, you

49:49

know, in the nineties, when I first started to kind of witness

49:52

you know, this is like and

49:54

it was definitely one of those things where being

49:57

in southern California, it was that's when you

49:59

know, a hard or more specifically metal cores

50:01

started to just really rise. And

50:03

it was definitely one of those things where it's like you just saw

50:06

the influx of girls

50:09

that were just just just interested in

50:12

being a part of this as

50:14

a way to meet dudes. And it was

50:17

just like, so it was so apparent

50:19

that it's just it was difficult for the

50:21

girls that I was friends with who I knew,

50:24

like yourself at you know, lack of

50:26

a re term build credibility that they're like,

50:28

yo, they're on the level, like they're not. You know, they made

50:30

data guy in a band, but that doesn't necessarily

50:32

make them one of those girls. You know. So it

50:34

was it's cool that you, like you said,

50:36

you got to have more of a natural experience

50:39

rather than being kind of you know, throw to the wolves,

50:41

and you know sometimes that being a

50:43

very negative experience. Yeah, I

50:46

mean, I like I said, i

50:48

I'm very fortunate because I now

50:50

look back on and we looked a lot of bondness, and

50:53

I don't have to look back on it and think like, oh man,

50:55

those people were bullying me or something

50:57

like that. Yeah, no, no, that's huge. Thing

51:00

I also find interesting, especially with you know, the

51:02

music that you guys are creating with with pitty

51:04

sex, is the fact that, um,

51:06

you know, are most of most of the

51:08

people that you play with in petty sex like in their early twenties.

51:11

Um. Yeah, I'm I'm the youngest, um

51:14

uh, Brandon's

51:20

and Brennan is my age, but he's

51:22

a little older. Sure. The notion that

51:24

it's like, you know, for all intent purposes,

51:26

you guys are making you know, more mature

51:29

music for um, your

51:31

age bracket. Um, because

51:34

you know a lot of people, especially when you see it's

51:36

like, you know, more so in the early twenties,

51:38

um, where you're just kind of you know,

51:40

you're creating basic music like late

51:42

teens, early twenties, you're just trying to figure out

51:44

how to even like create a song in

51:46

general. And so it's interesting when you're you

51:49

know, you guys are being able to create

51:51

you know, nuance and atmosphere and stuff

51:54

that is more you know, fleshed

51:56

out the older you get. Um,

51:58

do you do you notice people like being

52:00

able to not really uh either maybe

52:03

immediately identify with you guys because

52:05

of the fact that it's like, oh wow, like this

52:07

is more you know, mature music.

52:10

Um, but you are playing in front of a predominantly

52:13

younger audience. Like how is that kind of you know? Have

52:15

you noticed any sort of friction from that or

52:17

or kids generally being like, oh, I immediately

52:20

get where you're coming from. I honestly think

52:22

that kids immediately get it. I

52:24

I don't. I think it's hard

52:26

to say because I don't think that. I mean,

52:28

I certainly don't look at it as something

52:30

only Okay, I'm gonna like sit down

52:32

and make some you know, like really make this complex

52:34

or anything, and are are like,

52:37

you know, my favorite parts are like

52:39

super simple too, and so

52:42

yeah, I don't really think it's It's

52:44

never been brought up as an issue. I've never noticed

52:47

it. Yeah. I know, well that that's good because

52:49

I think too, just because kids, because

52:51

of the accessibility of music, uh,

52:53

kids are able to uh you know,

52:56

have a really really wide musical palette

52:58

where it's like yeah, yeah,

53:00

I like joy division. And I also really

53:02

really like data, remember, and it's like those

53:05

you know, those things couldn't be farther apart sonically,

53:08

you at least have, like I said, a palette in which

53:10

to understand where bands are coming from. So

53:12

it's cool that you guys are seeing the positive

53:15

you know, attributes of that, whether that you

53:17

know, the the iPod generation as it were, where

53:19

it's like kids don't listen to records, they just listen to songs.

53:21

So it's good. It's good that they immediately

53:23

get you guys, as opposed to like, oh yeah,

53:25

what is what is that weird dark stuff

53:27

that they're doing over there? Yeah, I mean I'm sure

53:30

that somebody met a

53:32

lot of you know, like people out there would

53:35

listen to it and they like but

53:37

um or just like that hate it or

53:39

whatever. But I'm just glad then like

53:42

a couple of people like it right right

53:44

right, And then uh, you know kind of to you

53:46

know, hit on the last point. You know the fact

53:48

that it seems to me that it's like you

53:51

you know, you're obviously balancing playing in a band

53:54

and pursuing your your school work

53:56

and stuff like that, where I think that there's there's

53:58

such a distinct pressure for people

54:00

that play in bands to kind of

54:03

be so singularly

54:05

focused on one aspect of their life

54:07

and not be able to really explore anything else.

54:10

Like, did you see that not only around

54:12

you? But are you grateful for the position

54:14

that you're kind of in to be able to kind of do a little

54:16

bit of both so to speak? Yeah, Well, like I

54:18

see that at school too. I see

54:21

it in the people that I go to school

54:23

with. Them They're all a little bit younger than

54:25

me and have like I

54:27

don't be all kind of I didn't

54:29

go straight to a university where they like

54:31

pushed you into a career

54:34

path or something like that, so I have a

54:36

completely different notion of what I'm doing in

54:38

at school. That can work for some people

54:41

definitely would never work for me because I enjoy

54:44

both aspects so much. Any toy inform

54:46

each other, there's like they can't

54:48

necessarily be discreet.

54:51

I mean, some of the lyrics that I have written started

54:53

out as like English products, Um

54:56

I bring, you know, like I don't know

54:58

things things from the music

55:01

world into things

55:03

that I do in school as well, And I'm

55:06

really really happy that I

55:08

have the ability and that the

55:11

rest of my bandmates are like respectful

55:13

of what I want to do in school because it's definitely

55:16

posed problems for us, Like there's been

55:18

opportunity, huge opportunities that we've

55:20

had turned down because of me being

55:22

in school. But they are

55:25

thankfully really um understanding

55:27

and respectful that it's important

55:29

to me. And I really I still

55:31

think, like I don't think that anything that I

55:33

would do would be as

55:36

um fruitful if

55:39

I didn't have the other Does

55:41

that make sense? Oh yeah, yeah, no, I totally

55:43

I get that because I think that there's such

55:46

I mean, there's such, like I said, such importance

55:48

placed on especially from a band perspective

55:51

of like, Okay, you have to two or three our days out

55:53

of the year in order to like really quote unquote make

55:55

it and then for you

55:57

know, you and your bandmates to make the distinct

55:59

decision. It's like we

56:01

can do stuff during these time

56:03

frames and and

56:06

it's you know, they can coexist

56:08

and the quality if

56:10

if there wasn't you know, if if you didn't have school,

56:13

the quality of what you're doing musically

56:16

could be potentially diminished because

56:18

of the lack of it being there. So yeah, I

56:20

totally I don't think a lot of people view it

56:22

that way. But but I think

56:24

that there's there's there's validity in that because

56:27

you're, yeah, like you said, you're not just

56:29

so focused on this one thing and you don't

56:32

have you know, you can't look at

56:34

any other influence bearing

56:36

down on it besides oh, just the people

56:38

I've just toured with in the records I'm currently listening to.

56:41

I do feel like I have like a different perspective

56:44

than a lot of people who are, you

56:46

know, like making it a career. I've none

56:49

of us, and in pity sex ever

56:52

intended to even do anything

56:54

within the realm of what we've done so far. It's

56:57

kind of just like a thing, a fun thing that we

56:59

did. Um never really

57:01

even expected to like record a full length

57:03

or anything like that. That wasn't within our I

57:06

guess our scope. So we

57:08

just kind of look at it at it as like, wow,

57:12

we're here, so we wanted to keep

57:14

on going, and um, luckily

57:16

I've been able to continue. You

57:19

know, if I had to choose between the two, I don't think that

57:21

I could choose between the two. That would

57:23

be like that would be I

57:25

probably have to choose school because

57:28

I just feel like, you know, I feel like I would

57:30

be really letting my dad down if I didn't.

57:32

But um, I I really

57:35

yeah. I just think that, uh. I

57:37

wish that more people, especially young people,

57:39

viewed them as uh

57:42

not as mutually exclusive. I wish

57:44

that more people saw that you could do

57:46

both, and you can be both art d and

57:49

and smart or whatever like

57:51

intellectual, and that they can

57:53

co exist and inform each other. It's

57:55

funny, I have to mention it because you you've brought

57:57

up in more than one occasion, the you know, the idea

58:00

of obviously making your parents proud like that

58:02

in and of itself is a very common feeling.

58:04

But I don't think that the sentiment

58:07

is prevalent as as I guess it

58:09

once was. Like I honestly, I can't recall the

58:11

last time a person's actually physically said those words

58:13

to me, like you just did. Um.

58:15

So it is it something that you,

58:18

um, you know, you're doing just based

58:20

out of respect and love,

58:22

or is it that sort of like external

58:25

pressure that's put on you, you know, by by

58:27

him at this point, Oh, it's definitely

58:30

respect and love. I

58:32

think that my parents would have been

58:36

they would have been thrilled if I

58:38

was a starving artist, or

58:40

if I was a brain surgeon, Like

58:43

since I was little, just have always

58:45

said, do what makes you happy, don't

58:47

worry about money, don't worry about

58:50

like things whatever, Uh,

58:52

do what you love to do. And they've

58:54

always pushed me towards that. They've always been super

58:56

supportive, and if I ever had

58:58

some crazy des I or to pursue

59:01

something that whatever, they

59:03

would back me up

59:05

in. That always backed me up

59:07

with music. It's it's definitely respect

59:09

him of But I also

59:12

just like, I feel like you put

59:14

so much effort into me. You know, I look back

59:17

at it now and I'm just like, oh my god, I can't

59:19

even imagine putting that much effort into something

59:21

and then just having it like fail or do

59:24

you know what I mean, like or not be not be as

59:26

successful as it could have been, or

59:28

or on the flip side, just actually

59:31

be appreciative, because I think that's the Yeah,

59:33

I think that's probably the key point. Like I

59:35

mean, I'm like, I have a you

59:37

know, an almost three year old child, and it's like it's

59:40

one of those it's almost it's one of those things where

59:42

I look at it, especially in the context of

59:44

what I've been raised which is, you know, not too dissimilar

59:46

from your experience. The notion

59:49

of my kid being able to,

59:51

you know, basically do whatever the hell he wants

59:53

under the context of the fact that like,

59:55

I will support it, and I will as long as

59:57

I remotely understand it, I'll

1:00:00

I'll be happy for him and he can pursue that

1:00:03

as long as there's that level of like you like,

1:00:05

which it sounds like you've arrived at. It's like that respect,

1:00:07

or it's like, you know, you put time

1:00:10

into me, like I I

1:00:12

love you and I appreciate that from you. And

1:00:14

sometimes yeah, sometimes it doesn't. It takes

1:00:16

people, you know, to be on their deathbed before they

1:00:19

realize that like their parents

1:00:21

did stuff for me. Yeah, And I mean

1:00:23

to be honest, my parents did like

1:00:25

way of love and beyond what what

1:00:28

what I feel like the average parent does.

1:00:30

Um so I might have arrived at that early because

1:00:33

of because I just had that unique

1:00:35

experience, but um

1:00:38

yeah, I feel like it's a it's a little underappreciated.

1:00:40

Sometimes some people don't realize

1:00:43

how much their parents do until

1:00:45

it's a little bit too late, right right, or

1:00:47

just just the notion too or it's like the like

1:00:51

saying, you know, saying you actually love your parents,

1:00:53

or like the you know, actually making effort

1:00:55

to hang out with your parents. It's like, you know, I'll

1:00:58

honestly never identify or understand people

1:01:00

that like see their parents like twice

1:01:02

a year, like and don't really

1:01:05

hold no effort to like hang out

1:01:07

with them, like be like, oh, I'm gonna go I'm gonna

1:01:09

go see my parents this weekend or whatever. And it's like

1:01:12

that's just such a it sounds like for

1:01:14

you too, or it's like it's such an ingrained thing of what I

1:01:16

do. It's like I don't I don't understand that.

1:01:19

It sounds like you're also very lucky and

1:01:21

I haven't had haven't had you

1:01:23

know, parents that you can do that with it.

1:01:26

Just yeah, I enjoy

1:01:28

it. I I love my family

1:01:30

and I feel really lucky, and I you

1:01:32

know, I know that a lot of people don't have that, and

1:01:34

it's I'm gonna enjoy it while

1:01:36

I can and make sure that they know that that

1:01:39

I appreciate it because I know that

1:01:41

I was given like kind of a rare upbringing,

1:01:44

because I do feel like my parents

1:01:46

went you know, above and beyond um.

1:01:49

But I just I feel like I

1:01:51

would be failing. I feel like I would be failing

1:01:53

them to not give them like the type of like

1:01:55

love and devotion that they gave me. Um.

1:01:59

But that being said, like I would do it anyway.

1:02:01

Yeah, no, for sure. And it sounds like

1:02:03

too, you've you've obviously been

1:02:05

able to foster a very positive attitude

1:02:07

about like not only your relationship with him,

1:02:10

but you know, life in general. And I think that, Yeah,

1:02:13

it's easy, especially in the context of independent

1:02:15

music, to you know, dwell on the negative and dwell on

1:02:17

the dark. And while it's while it's

1:02:20

awesome to enjoy art that is created from

1:02:22

that place, um, it's

1:02:24

it's nice to be able to be like, no, like

1:02:26

I'm I'm positive and I like life like this is

1:02:28

good. Yeah. Yeah, I mean

1:02:31

I have definitely not

1:02:34

recently, but um like within the

1:02:36

past couple of years kind of like taken a

1:02:38

turn philosophically,

1:02:40

I guess, um, towards towards

1:02:42

that ideology, just from

1:02:45

realizing that it's you know, everybody

1:02:47

thinks that that artists or whatever creative person

1:02:50

has to be bummed out all

1:02:52

the time and depressed, and it actually makes

1:02:55

I mean neurologically, it makes

1:02:57

you less creative and less interesting.

1:03:00

So I have taken

1:03:02

a turn to things like, Okay, I can actually

1:03:04

be happy. I can write about happy things and people can

1:03:06

come to that and appreciate that. Uh

1:03:08

And how much better is it to appreciate

1:03:10

something that's positive and it is to appreciate

1:03:13

something that's it's It's fine. I don't

1:03:15

I'm not, um, I'm not devaluing

1:03:18

like art that comes from that that perspective,

1:03:20

I've definitely I've definitely been there. But

1:03:22

I think it's cool to be able to appreciate

1:03:24

it from both aspects. Yeah, well,

1:03:27

I also too, It's like some of the

1:03:29

the most you know whatever hate

1:03:31

field negative lyrics that I've ever heard,

1:03:33

if I ever have, you know, if I have the

1:03:35

opportunity to actually like meet and know the

1:03:37

people that have created that are usually

1:03:40

the nicest, most positive people in general.

1:03:43

Where you're just like, it's such a juxtaposition,

1:03:46

but you do feel like, yeah, I think

1:03:48

you hit on the point, or you hit the nail

1:03:50

on the head exactly where. You know, when when

1:03:52

you dwell on the negative too long, completely

1:03:55

de incentivizes any reason for you

1:03:57

to do anything. Yeah, I

1:03:59

mean, d presses your brain literally

1:04:01

by far the most you know, in depth

1:04:04

philosophical discussion and I felt like you

1:04:06

we've been able to keep up with one another, so good job,

1:04:09

thank you. So

1:04:11

there you have it. That was Brittany cool,

1:04:14

right down to earth, very thoughtful, very

1:04:16

insightful, very deep. I'd say that it

1:04:18

wasn't expecting that. But anytime I'm able

1:04:20

to engage with a person on that level and talk

1:04:23

about philosophical issues, spiritual

1:04:25

issues, you know, the big life stuff, I

1:04:28

love to engage like that. And it was just

1:04:30

awesome that Brittany not only did what I

1:04:32

feel she was able to keep up with me, but

1:04:34

completely surpassed me as well, and be like, Okay,

1:04:36

she has a good head on her shoulder, so yeah,

1:04:39

check out her band, Pitty Sex. It's great and

1:04:41

U yeah, they'll be on tour whenever they feel like it. Obviously

1:04:44

as you listen to the interview. Uh so yeah, like I said,

1:04:46

go visit the Patreon page. I would

1:04:48

be pumping this for a good month or so and

1:04:51

then I'll kind of let it, let it quietly fade in the background,

1:04:53

and then a few months later I'll kind of be like, hey, check

1:04:55

it out again. So for those of you that check out the show

1:04:57

in on a weekly basis. Bear with me, you'll

1:05:00

you'll see the ebbs and flows of it. But I just

1:05:02

I want to get it out there. I want to spread the word.

1:05:04

I want to make this show as awesome as possible

1:05:06

for you, because ultimately that's the reason

1:05:08

why I do it. It's selfish because I

1:05:11

like to do it, but then also as

1:05:13

a byproduct, if you enjoy it, that's even

1:05:15

better. Anyway. So patreon dot

1:05:17

com backslash x purpose x. The

1:05:19

producer of the show as always is Tom Richfield.

1:05:22

I want to get that guy paid. Let's visit

1:05:24

that Patreon page and then on

1:05:26

the show. The upcoming guests next

1:05:28

week is Matt Miller, a professional photographer

1:05:31

and he's also a member of Most Precious Blood

1:05:33

and he's been an active member in the hardcore community,

1:05:36

especially from a live photography standpoint

1:05:38

as well. And after that we have Robbed Brand

1:05:40

from Unbroken, over My Dead Body

1:05:42

and currently Narrows And yeah,

1:05:45

that's all. That's all I'm gonna tease. There'll be some more people,

1:05:47

but I just don't want to don't want to blow

1:05:49

my load, so to speak, even though that's pretty gross,

1:05:51

but you get you get the point. Anyways, until

1:05:54

next week. Thank you so much, everybody

1:05:56

at S