Not only must adoptive and foster moms understand the depth of their child’s pre-adoption pain, but also their own trauma wound. “What wound?” they may say. “My child is the one with the deep wound, not me. Don’t be ridiculous.” 

Adoptive moms may be offended or defensive when told they have a trauma wound. Adoptive mom says—I think many people can experience defensiveness or protectiveness about our woundedness. To be comfortable disclosing ourselves authentically requires safety. Safe people are hard to find. Additionally, we may be conscious of the adoption “label” that can be put on our kids, in that adoption can sometimes erroneously be viewed as the root of the problem, when in reality, it may be something far different. Disclosing our wound requires some level of risk and discernment before taking that risk. Otherwise, there is a chance of being hurt more by insensitive comments, judgment, and/or blame. It’s not easy to navigate the path of transparency, especially if you’re already limping along. Who needs to have their good leg shot out from underneath?” 

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