0:08

Misspelling with Tory spelling an

0:11

iHeartRadio podcast.

0:15

It's May, you guys, it's

0:18

a huge month for me. Well

0:21

it was a huge month. It's still a huge

0:23

month. So anyway, let me jump

0:26

right in. I would always

0:28

tell Dean that he didn't plan

0:30

on this, but when

0:32

we got together and decided

0:35

to get married May seventh,

0:38

we eloped, planned a whole wedding by ourselves

0:41

on a private highland in Fiji. Oh

0:44

it was so good. You

0:46

know. We didn't think long term. We

0:48

were just like in the moment. So

0:51

then all of a sudden we got pregnant. You know. I

0:54

had a baby a year later ish,

0:57

so Mother's Day became a thing, and then

1:00

my birthday. So I would always

1:02

be like, hey, buddy, sorry, you're screwed.

1:04

You got three Tory

1:07

days to deal with, essentially

1:10

in May, and then there's

1:12

May Day and synco to my own things like that. But

1:16

so anyway, this never really

1:18

was something I thought about,

1:20

because it's just, you know, wheels in motion, you go

1:22

along. We were married eighteen years

1:25

until no joke. Two days

1:27

ago one of my best friends, Bill

1:30

Gunkle. Bill said to

1:33

me, oh, he's an organizer.

1:35

He likes a good cleanup of his calendar. He

1:37

said, oh, I just realized I'm

1:39

able to remove May seventh, your

1:41

wedding anniversary from my calendar,

1:44

and that that kind of hit

1:47

me and I was like, oh, wow, yeah,

1:50

I mean, obviously I felled for divorce.

1:53

Obviously we're getting a divorce, but

1:56

I hadn't thought about that, and I was

1:58

like, wow, that maya like May

2:00

seventh is just going to be another

2:03

day from now on. And

2:05

that made me kind of think about a lot of

2:08

things. And I

2:10

was that girl that took

2:12

a lot of pride in anniversaries

2:16

like our wedding anniversary was

2:19

you know me, I'm if you

2:21

don't know me, welcome to me. I'm

2:24

a di wire. I'm a crafter to the

2:26

core. All my kids came out of

2:28

you to row crafting because I

2:30

made them. And

2:33

yeah, so I would always

2:36

make something for Dean on our

2:38

wedding anniversary because you

2:40

know, I mean, obviously, you know, anyone

2:42

can buy someone something allegedly,

2:45

but if you can, that's very nice.

2:47

But I feel like I always say homemade

2:49

equals love and it you

2:52

know, whether that's in the past, the present, or the

2:54

future. I still maintain that and

2:57

I'm more of a traditional girl. Yeah, I

2:59

know, shot right, with a

3:01

lot of modern values. So

3:04

I'm kind of like fifty to fifty no

3:07

pun intended, like I'm half fifty's housewife

3:09

and half like futuristic like barbaralla,

3:14

and I would always go to there's

3:16

a traditional list so you can like google this

3:19

traditional wedding anniversary presence

3:22

and then a modern one, which I don't know when

3:24

that all separated, Like when

3:27

did someone say, hey, we're going to throw in like

3:29

a new wedding anniversary. This

3:31

is the modern one, Like what's wrong

3:33

with the traditional one? Like well, if

3:36

a name broke, well I fix it. But anyway, it

3:38

gave me options, So that was always good because

3:40

some years I was like, ooh, I can

3:42

craft something with that, and some years I was like,

3:45

not so great on the traditional, let me check the modern.

3:48

But every year I

3:51

would make him something and super

3:53

proud, and I'm talking like one

3:56

year it was leather, so I made him like

3:58

a leather cuff and

4:01

had it stamped in like our anniversary

4:03

ran the back and just like a

4:05

really cool thing. One year.

4:08

I know this because I just found

4:10

it in storage recently, you

4:12

know my storage woes. That's

4:15

a good one and so storage wars my storage

4:17

woes. Rthan add that to the

4:19

list for something to make in the future. Cool.

4:23

I found a bench that

4:25

I made him and

4:28

no joke. I well,

4:30

my friend Chris came over and helped me. I have to give

4:32

a credit where credit is due. But I

4:34

went to the lumberyard.

4:37

And I don't know why I had to say it like that, because woman

4:39

can go to the lumberyard too and be like, I'm

4:41

at the lumberyard. But I went to the

4:43

lumberyard and got

4:46

really cool pieces of wood.

4:48

Sorry, and

4:52

made the bench. Took a stencil

4:55

and wrote on it,

4:57

I want to grow old with you or something. Look, I'm

5:00

conveniently like blocking it out because it hurts,

5:02

but it doesn't

5:04

hurt. I done inside, but it

5:06

fine. I have feelings.

5:10

Anyone jump out?

5:11

How big was the bench? Like?

5:14

Could one person sit on it or multiple?

5:16

Or it was

5:18

supposed to be a bench for two. And

5:21

the inspiration behind it

5:24

was, you know, you see those cute old couple

5:27

sitting on a bench and

5:30

oh my god, I'm tearing up. I do have

5:33

feelings. Look at that chickxus.

5:41

The intention was that all

5:43

these beautiful babies we had created

5:46

together they would go on

5:48

to have families of their own. And

5:51

I am always and will remain

5:53

always excited to grow

5:55

our family because you know what, at the end

5:57

of the day, he and

6:00

I and our kids were a family

6:02

unit. He's the father.

6:04

You know, whether we're married and together

6:07

or not, you know, we're all

6:09

in this together. And

6:13

excited to be a grandmother and a great

6:15

grandmother and yeah,

6:17

and watching our family grow and

6:19

grow and grow. I mean, we got five kids,

6:21

so I better have a lot of fun.

6:23

A big bench.

6:25

No, the benching for them.

6:28

M the bench isn't

6:31

for them. The bench was

6:34

for he and I to sit on it

6:36

together. Like those photos you see of like old

6:38

couples still holding hands. We

6:40

used to send pictures to each other with

6:43

like old couples you would see and like still

6:46

holding hands, and it's like wow, And

6:48

we did. We always held hands. That was like a

6:50

thing, except except in

6:52

like the last year or two. I guess, I

6:55

guess. Yeah, that was one of the one of the signs

6:58

there were fifty million. But yeah,

7:02

like you would see those couples in their eighties,

7:04

like still walking down the street holding

7:07

hands. I mean they

7:09

just otherwise would fall down. They had to support each

7:11

other. They couldn't walk straight without each

7:13

other. But nonetheless,

7:15

I bought into the love story and

7:19

I was like, oh my gosh, that's so cute.

7:21

Like we'd see, you know, pictures

7:24

of couples like at the beach and just like

7:26

doing things and just

7:28

still, you know, in it.

7:30

So you made the bench? Was that

7:33

like with hammer and nails or

7:35

was it glued together.

7:36

Or I screwed it in? I

7:38

had nails. It was stable

7:40

as fuck, like that

7:43

impressive. We'll till it wasn't

7:46

it broke?

7:47

What other things did you make besides

7:49

the match for your anniversaries?

7:53

Oh my god, I made there's

7:55

a specific name for it, when

7:58

you make a tray that you put your like jewelry or

8:00

men put their their watch. I

8:02

made him a Valet tray. And

8:05

I got a tray and I went round

8:08

this took a while, and found

8:10

pennies from the

8:13

year he was born nineteen

8:15

sixty six, the year I was born nineteen

8:18

seventy three, and the year we were

8:20

married two thousand and six. And

8:23

I got those pennies and I glued them

8:25

and mod podge the shit

8:28

out of that. Oh god, I'm a good mod

8:30

podger. I

8:33

had to get back into that.

8:35

That was my strong suit. And

8:38

I made this tray that

8:40

was just very functional, like

8:42

it was all blacked and shit.

8:45

He appreciated all the gifts I made him,

8:48

but yeah, that was a good one. Leather

8:51

cuff. If you tell me one

8:53

of the traditional ones, I can tell you what I made.

8:55

Him, paper metal,

8:58

gold, silver.

9:02

No, I'm blanket, I've got nothing.

9:04

Oh m.

9:06

The brass cockering was really good that year.

9:09

That's really I hammered it. Oh

9:12

my god, I'm

9:15

so talented. Welded it

9:18

well. Wow, going

9:20

back to the bench, it says grow

9:23

old with me dot dot dot.

9:26

Yeah. On the legs were our

9:29

wedding date, and then on the

9:31

other leg was are the current date.

9:34

And we put it in each house. We moved a lot,

9:37

a lot because

9:40

I was always chasing the dream. Like you

9:42

know, it wasn't us,

9:45

it wasn't the relationship. It was the

9:47

house. Oh that reminds

9:49

me of a horror film.

9:52

It's not the house, it's your son.

9:55

Ooh, insidious one.

9:58

Fuck yeah, I nailed it, still got it,

10:02

thank you. So that

10:05

resonated like every horror film.

10:08

It wasn't the house, it was never the

10:10

house. So I kept moving and kept

10:13

moving, and let's

10:15

start where it all began. When

10:17

we got married. We

10:20

were filming my series So Notorious,

10:22

and Diana and I got together while

10:24

we were filming that, and anyway,

10:27

the set designer helped me create

10:30

this amazing like

10:32

iron stand with a

10:35

cute plaque that said McDermott

10:37

Baby Farm established

10:39

two thousand and six. The day

10:41

we got married, I

10:45

was a farm. I was like, pull

10:48

pushing them out. Mine's the

10:50

push, ripping that zipper

10:52

open, taking them out. So

10:56

we put that and moved that so many

10:58

times until I mean it was weathered

11:00

and cracked and just the

11:03

demise of that. Yeah.

11:06

But the bench, the bench survived till

11:09

it fell to pieces. It got rained

11:11

on. I didn't think of that that the rain

11:14

would wear on it. It rusted, it

11:17

broke, you guys. That's

11:19

I guess what the heart of it is

11:21

is that it broke. And when it broke,

11:25

I put too much emotional

11:28

symbolism and placement on.

11:31

As Dean has told me in adamant

11:33

objects. At some

11:35

point it just was getting wobbly,

11:38

it was getting shaky, and I

11:41

was like the bench and we'd moved in. He's

11:43

like, oh, the bench is a little wobbly. I was like,

11:45

oh, we got to fix it. We got

11:47

to fix it, and we never

11:50

fixed it, so eventually it broke. Oh

11:54

I kept it though, I kept the wood pieces,

11:56

of course I did, saying I'm going to put

11:58

it back together, and

12:01

then sat in the garage in pieces

12:04

for a few years,

12:07

like my marriage basically,

12:10

and then I found in storage.

12:13

So and what did

12:15

you do with it?

12:16

Uh? Duh? I took a picture of it

12:19

to show to you, guys. I don't know.

12:21

No, I mean, did you do you still have it?

12:23

Did you throw the pieces away? Is

12:26

it sitting in that last storage lockery still

12:28

at.

12:28

I have no storagelockers, so I'm done that

12:31

you've.

12:31

Had one left?

12:32

Nope?

12:33

Congratulations, thank you?

12:44

Oh my god, my heart just sink. I'm panic now.

12:46

I don't know where it is. I

12:48

feel like you, guys, I need

12:51

to burn it. No,

12:53

no, don't burn it. Can you not do

12:56

that?

12:57

I don't know. I think the metaphor

12:59

is better now without burning it.

13:01

Oh, it's metatorical.

13:05

Here's what I think you should do if you can find it,

13:08

is take a little piece of that wood

13:11

and put it in like a box picture frame,

13:14

and just as a keepsake, you know, a piece

13:17

a piece of the bench.

13:18

I don't think you need to burn

13:21

it. You know, you guys are on

13:23

good terms.

13:24

No, no, no, I didn't mean, uh, I don't

13:26

know why I'm gonna cry. I didn't mean

13:28

burn it like bad for him.

13:31

I mean burning it as a symbolism

13:33

of letting go right past

13:36

and moving on at the future is

13:39

not what you do.

13:41

I think you can totally do that.

13:42

What matters is if the symbolism

13:45

means something to you, right, It's

13:47

like, if that to you means

13:50

moving on, letting it go, then

13:52

it will would probably be a good thing for.

13:54

You to do. Well, I'm not going

13:56

to grow old with him.

13:58

So well you you know what you kind

14:01

of are just not as a

14:03

married couple. You know, you're still you're

14:06

still tied by five amazing

14:08

children. So it's

14:10

just a different kind of growing

14:13

up.

14:13

I don't like regular ties. Can we double not it?

14:15

You will find somebody, Oh my god,

14:17

you.

14:18

Guys every week this is not going

14:20

to be about me, like, oh no,

14:22

poor me, I'm alone and single. Oh, or

14:25

it can be. I mean, I don't

14:27

know. Can

14:29

we go back to it for a second, Yeah, can

14:32

we look up what would have been? Just

14:34

tell me what it would have been. I'll tell you what I'd make.

14:36

Hit year would this have been?

14:38

This would be eighteen? Correct,

14:41

eighteen. I always say we were married

14:43

eighteen years, but technically I'm not divorced

14:46

yet, so it's not final. So

14:49

true, I wasn't lying. Parcelain

14:51

porcelain. Oh

14:53

good teeth.

15:01

Here you go, buddy, I'm gonna make a necklace

15:03

out of them. How woud his

15:06

girlfriend feel about that? If

15:09

you ever loved me, you won't wear

15:11

my porcelain teeth around

15:17

your neck? Five of

15:19

them for the five beautiful kids

15:21

we made. How can you say no to that? Sorry,

15:25

Lily, you know I love you. Okay, we

15:29

had a vow renewal at

15:33

four years in. I mean, granted

15:36

it was we

15:38

did it on our reality show Torri

15:41

and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. But

15:45

that's crazy now.

15:47

I call it the bowel removal.

15:51

By the way, unpacking. Speaking

15:53

of unpacking from storage,

15:57

my daughter Stella brings

16:00

in a box. This just

16:03

happened yesterday and she

16:05

goes, of

16:08

course, she's sassy, God, she's

16:11

so clever, and she goes,

16:14

I unpacked this box, and I was like, oh,

16:17

this is not coming into the house. So

16:21

she led with that, which crushed my

16:23

soul. I was like, that's an antique.

16:26

What do you mean. I got that at a flea market.

16:28

That's very chic. And anyway,

16:31

I digress, and she goes and then

16:33

I opened it. You guys, the

16:35

thing she found in this box, I

16:38

can't make this shit up. First

16:40

of all, oh my god, it was

16:44

like a paperback flip through

16:46

book of nine oh two one oh, like a small

16:48

one from the nineties.

16:51

Uh.

16:51

It was an intact fully wrapped

16:55

bubblegum pack of our cards and

16:57

bubblegum, which she

16:59

asked if they could like do some like

17:02

challenge and eat it, and I was like nope.

17:05

And I was like, I have to get new teeth. I don't

17:07

want you guys to as well. That's that's

17:09

gonna be hard. Two of them.

17:12

Wonder how much I could sell those for.

17:16

That's definitely a collector's I.

17:18

Know, like

17:20

a polaroid photo from a

17:22

photo shoot. Nino two and o still

17:25

intact a bag of

17:28

teeth.

17:30

No, we have made a bag of teeth,

17:33

real teeth, a bag of

17:35

teeth.

17:36

So it's like, oh sentimental

17:39

Nino two and o oh, look at that picture.

17:42

Oh my god, you look so great anyhow,

17:46

and then the bag of teeth and

17:48

she was like, mom, what are these?

17:51

And I was like, oh, those are my wisdom

17:54

teeth and she goes, that's disgusting.

17:57

Can I throw these away? I was like absolutely

18:00

not. And she goes, what are you gonna

18:02

do with them? When'd you get your

18:05

wisdom teeth out? And I was like, uh

18:07

sixteen. She goes, that's disgusting.

18:10

Yeah, root and all all four

18:12

perfectly intact. Might

18:14

I add, oh, correction,

18:17

those I will send to Dean because

18:20

mine are all shaved to nubs because I'm getting

18:22

finnars owed to my creepy past.

18:25

Okay, I'm gonna go on. This

18:28

is my twenties from my first

18:30

TV movie I did in Canada.

18:34

This is when like they had smoke shops,

18:36

but like La, it wasn't a thing. And

18:39

I got like the coolest Oh

18:41

my god, it's a cube and it's

18:43

metal and it's like a one hit. Back

18:46

then we'd say pot. Now it's like weed

18:49

and it was a cube and I was like, Aha,

18:52

I'm gonna come back to LA and invent

18:54

this because no one has it in the States.

18:58

Another thing I put on my checklist

19:00

of inventions. But she

19:02

was like mom, and I was like, whoa,

19:05

it was the nineties, Like yeah,

19:09

mom had like a little bit of a stoner phase,

19:11

Like sorry, there was that,

19:14

and what else. There was

19:17

a couple more creepy things that I was just

19:19

like, yeah, oh, I

19:22

know what. It was a G string.

19:24

It was clean. I did a smell test. It

19:27

was clean. You guys. I went, it's a little musty. It's been

19:29

there for years. But I

19:31

was like, oh my god, this is back

19:33

when it was super cool, Like this

19:36

is so old school but vs.

19:38

Victoria's Secret PS.

19:40

When I was young, Victoria's Secret was

19:43

super popular and then for

19:45

decades it was like

19:47

like you couldn't wear it. It was like not cool,

19:50

and now it's totally cool with the kids

19:53

again. So my initials

19:55

on brand, but it had

19:57

a BS on it, and I was like, oh, that's okay

20:00

you and I saved it, and so I was in there.

20:02

But anyway, collectively like

20:04

nine two one zero, like old school bubblegum

20:08

teeth that had been ripped out,

20:11

basically a weed pen from the

20:13

nineties and

20:15

an old pair of underwear

20:19

creeped out. My kid, not gonna lie,

20:22

not surprised, and

20:24

she wanted to dispose

20:26

of all this and I was like, nope, nope, we want

20:28

to take a picture of this content.

20:32

I don't know what I'll do with it all, but anyway,

20:43

anyway, yes, and

20:45

then there's Mother's Day. This is my first

20:48

single girl Mother's

20:50

Day? What does that mean? Like,

20:52

I don't even know what that means? And

20:56

Stella, bless her heart, she was like, Mom,

20:58

what do you want to do for Mother's And I was like,

21:01

whatever you guys want. She's like, no, Mom,

21:03

seriously, every year you always say whatever

21:06

we want, Like what do you want?

21:10

Take everybody out of the picture? What

21:14

do you like to do for fun? And

21:17

I had no answer, you guys? And that was

21:22

that was startling because I couldn't

21:24

remember what I used to like to

21:26

do for me. I

21:29

couldn't even think of it. I was like and

21:32

I kept saying, we wi we

21:34

like sushi,

21:37

and she's like, Mom, you she

21:40

was like, do you want to

21:42

go get a massage? And I was like no, no, no,

21:44

no, it's about you guys. She's like, no,

21:46

Mom, it's not like you

21:48

do this every year like

21:50

you plan and it's about everybody

21:52

else, Like what do you want?

21:56

And I couldn't remember

21:59

what I like to do because it's been so

22:02

long that I've thought about doing something

22:04

for me. Ruth Anne, you

22:07

knew me before I

22:09

was married and had kids. Do you remember what

22:11

I used to like to do?

22:13

You really did get a lot of joy out of

22:15

all of your DIY things

22:17

that you made and cooking.

22:21

I can remember you having.

22:23

Did you say cooking fun baking and

22:25

cooking?

22:26

Did you say hooking?

22:27

No, I say cooking.

22:29

Oh my god, you guys, I think I've gone

22:31

deaf. I've had

22:33

kids screaming in my ear for

22:35

a long time.

22:36

Yeah, I remember you having a really good time

22:39

hooking some boulevard

22:41

about three o'clock in the morning. Those

22:44

were good times.

22:46

What do you mean, no, no

22:49

cooking? I used to hook rugs.

22:52

Oh sorry,

22:54

I'm not as crafty as you are. No.

22:56

Jen taught me that, Like I can do a lot

22:59

of DIY. Jenny taught

23:01

me. We would sit in her house and she taught

23:03

me how to hook a rug. We went to she took

23:05

me to Michael's for the first time. But

23:10

yeah, I remember I was so big

23:12

and dicopoge mm

23:14

hm. Would you loved it?

23:16

And it was nice because it was stuff you did with your kids.

23:20

So stop bringing them into

23:22

this.

23:22

Why they's supposed

23:25

to be sort of for both of you. It's

23:27

the kids celebrating their mom.

23:29

No, okay, interesting,

23:32

there's two schools of thought.

23:34

There's some moms that literally

23:37

are like, you know what, I'm in this

23:39

twenty four to seven every day.

23:41

It's always about you, guys. So

23:44

this is my one day and

23:47

I want the day off. Lorraine, what

23:49

type of mom? They're both like, it's

23:52

fair, both types of moms like

23:54

do you want to do what the kids want to do and

23:56

spend the day with them, or do you want,

23:58

like, I'd love to have some peace and quiet

24:00

and do something for me.

24:03

I want to be this spaw mom, but I

24:05

I'll never be this spaw mom because of my guilt

24:08

that I have no idea why I have. But yes,

24:11

every day for them, even when it's Mother's

24:13

Day.

24:13

Unfortunately fair and

24:16

my sentiment is exactly I

24:20

want to be that spa mom, which

24:22

you guys, you know what. The

24:25

spot doesn't work for me. I just everyone's

24:28

like, go get a massage. Speaking

24:30

of guilt, I

24:33

can't get a massage because I'm

24:35

so worried the entire

24:38

time like, oh,

24:40

they're working on me, they're doing something

24:43

for me. What about them? So

24:45

I engage and ask about their lives

24:47

and then you guys know, like, it's not even about

24:50

me. I'm just this human like energy

24:52

wise. People end

24:56

up just like about

25:00

that sounded dirty about

25:02

their lives, and I embrace

25:05

it and I end up giving them

25:07

advice and being like, oh my gosh.

25:09

And then what happened? And I've

25:11

had one missus

25:14

say oh my god, I've been

25:16

doing this for so long, and she as she's crying,

25:19

and she goes, that's a part. She

25:21

brought up something very emotional that she had

25:24

repressed, and she said, I'm so sorry.

25:26

I have to take a moment. I am embarrassed

25:29

telling you this. And I

25:31

promptly sat up and hugged

25:34

her and said don't oh my god, don't worry. It's safe

25:36

with me, and like, but I'm that

25:38

human that I'm just

25:40

like, oh my gosh, it's so quiet. And

25:43

then I've had friends

25:45

be like no, no, no, you can't do that. So when

25:47

you start a massage, you don't

25:50

you say thank you. You're gracious, and you're

25:52

like, Okay, I've had a hard week. I'm just

25:54

going to be quiet, and I'm like, okay, well I can't say

25:56

that and don't engage.

26:00

You know, you're paying them, you're here, like they're

26:02

here and they want to do

26:04

this, and don't

26:07

engage. So then when I don't

26:09

engage and don't talk to them, I

26:11

sit in my head for like an hour being

26:13

like, oh my god, is she okay?

26:17

Or and I don't like men touching

26:19

me during a paid massage,

26:22

so I yeah,

26:24

I'm just like, oh god, I feel so bad.

26:27

And then I start to like go weird places like oh

26:30

my god, I feel so bad, like at least

26:32

it's me, Like imagine like men

26:35

she has to deal with and they're hairy

26:38

and gross and like that type

26:40

of human. Like yeah,

26:43

I go all kinds of crazy places. But

26:45

I sit there for an hour, just like tense,

26:48

and then afterwards like are you relaxed,

26:51

And I'm like absolutely,

26:55

but I'm not anyway, Spa

26:57

da mom.

26:59

Anybody gives you a guest certificate for

27:01

a massage, feel free to pass it my way.

27:04

I can relax during a massage,

27:07

really yeah. I not feel the urge

27:09

to talk or think about the massage

27:11

therapist.

27:13

Okay, wait, have you

27:16

my friend? And I just had this combo

27:18

the other day about happy endings. Oh

27:21

god, oh too much for

27:23

this podcast. Sorry my bad.

27:26

No one ever. We

27:31

were talking about happy endings and it

27:33

was like, wow, this is

27:36

a male and I were talking

27:38

about this, so I was curious,

27:41

how do men feel about it? And

27:44

he was saying like not

27:46

as jam like could never even

27:49

would not be okay with it. But you

27:51

know, clearly, you know, there's

27:54

a lot of my male friends are like, oh,

27:57

yeah, that's a thing. And

27:59

I'm like, oh, that's

28:01

so weird. And then he posts

28:03

the question to me, does this

28:05

ever happen these happy ending places

28:09

with a woman? Like do they

28:11

ever give happy endings to a female

28:14

or is it just males? And I was

28:16

like, I don't know, I don't know.

28:18

Definitely not at Burke Williams.

28:20

Burke Williams. Oh you

28:22

go to fancy places now.

28:24

Burke Williams was like, in the nineties.

28:26

You pretended to work out

28:28

at Crunch? Cool, right, yep?

28:32

No. I remember that I had

28:35

a boyfriend then and he loved

28:38

Burke Williams. So we would like go

28:40

to Crunch and he'd work out and I'd like

28:42

pretend to.

28:43

Do the zoom book class or whatever

28:46

boot camp, and

28:49

it would be so embarrassing because

28:51

they have like glass like glass

28:54

so like everybody.

28:56

Can see correct. And

28:59

at Crunch in La it's on Sunset

29:01

Boulevard and

29:03

they would always I'm not even kidding,

29:06

it would be like thirty people in there,

29:09

and they'd have on their headset and

29:11

they'd be calling to you to encourage you.

29:14

They'd always call me out and I'd

29:16

be like, what is happening.

29:19

They'd be like Toy, and I'd be like, first

29:22

of all, you know, I hate my name said like toy,

29:25

but then like I don't know. It

29:27

was yeah, it was late nineties.

29:31

Out to say you've got

29:33

the steps.

29:33

For on or duh,

29:35

yeah, you know I don't work out. I don't do

29:37

that shit. And I was probably gossip

29:40

being and like talking to my friend. I've been that way since

29:42

like high school anyway, chatty

29:46

Kathy. But

29:49

yeah, I'd be like it'd be like Toy.

29:51

I'm like, uh huh it

29:54

was like and they'd

29:56

be like okay, oh Toy, No,

30:00

I'll be over in a second. I'd be like so

30:02

shamed. I literally one time

30:05

it was this boot camp class and

30:07

the instructor had called me out three times

30:10

and I literally waited

30:12

till she was like helping somebody else

30:15

in the corner, and I slipped

30:17

out and slip out a fucking

30:20

ran I was like. And

30:23

then from the back she was like, you finally

30:26

got it right. I

30:29

was like, bye, But

30:32

I liked the little holes in the wall, like

30:34

the little places that are like in

30:36

a strip.

30:37

Mall where you will get

30:39

a happy ending.

30:41

No, I don't want a happy ending, like if

30:43

I feel guilt with them, just like massaging

30:45

my arm and leg. Imagine

30:48

the guilt I would feel if they were like

30:50

trying to like stroke my

30:52

lady parts. Do you stroke lady parts? If

30:54

they were too oh

30:58

my god, jggle

31:00

it just a little bit, not

31:03

a little bit, a lot and you gotta go fast.

31:05

But whole other story,

31:08

Yeah, I would never be comfortable. But

31:10

on rare occasion they

31:13

would go near your like butt

31:15

and like almost too close

31:18

to the thighs. Have you ever had

31:20

that happen? And I'm like Rosen,

31:23

I was like oooh, But then You're like,

31:25

I don't want to make them feel bad. Perhaps this

31:27

they're getting knots out of muscles,

31:30

and so I don't want to freeze up. So

31:32

I'd be like Relax, relax, They're

31:34

doing nothing wrong. This is part

31:36

of the job. Okay, but

31:39

I was like, whoa kind of close?

31:41

That's kind of close anyway.

31:44

I am curious if a

31:46

female has ever gotten happy

31:49

ending.

31:50

All right, this Mother's Day and

31:52

then your birthday?

31:54

Oh god, okay,

31:56

so there's Mother's Day.

32:00

Ella, of course, leader

32:02

of the pack. She was

32:04

like, mom, what do you want to do? I had

32:06

nothing. I couldn't remember what I like,

32:09

which leads me back to what

32:11

do I like to do? I must have

32:14

had hobbies before kids, Like in

32:16

my twenties, what did I like to do

32:19

besides shop and drink? What did I

32:21

like to do? And rescue dogs?

32:23

What did I like to do?

32:25

I was going to say rescue dogs?

32:27

I remember you making jewelry. I

32:29

can think it always goes back to you being like super

32:31

crafty and having an amazing

32:34

artistic imagination and plugging

32:36

into that that made you really happy.

32:39

Someone's like, you should get

32:41

into pickleball. I

32:44

love to eat pickles. Pickles are a huge We

32:46

do pickle tastings in my house, like every

32:49

two weeks, I'm not kidding, a new kind of pickle comes

32:51

out. We're on it, and all

32:53

my kids fall a suit. So if anyone wants

32:56

to send me anything, I would like

32:58

pickles.

32:58

That's a great idea.

33:02

I should aim higher and caviar.

33:06

Okay, anyway, what am I gonna

33:08

do? Here's what I told her. I said, we

33:11

used to love but it's still a wee thing. But it's

33:13

something I wanted to do. We haven't been in a while because

33:15

our lives have been chaos. I

33:18

wanted to go down to Little Tokyo

33:20

and walk around, and

33:23

that's where I have often gotten

33:25

a lot of my inspiration. And

33:27

I love the fashion district. And

33:31

you know what, I love revolving sushi

33:33

down there. It's called Cora. It's

33:36

just so fun. Anyway,

33:38

so do that.

33:39

That sounds like a great thing to do for Mother's Day.

33:42

So I love Oh you guys, I

33:44

love dim sum.

33:45

Oh well well there you

33:48

just come up with some great ideas.

33:50

Great great mother's day.

33:53

This podcast multi purpose.

33:56

Okay, my birthday quickly,

33:58

let's talk about my birthday. You

34:00

guys, you know I love green, and green

34:03

is the color. I'm a Taurus. I'm

34:06

Tori. I'm a Taurus. I

34:08

love sushi. Oh

34:12

we just see exactly.

34:14

I don't know what I love I'll find out

34:16

I'm learning about myself. Who knew

34:19

me? Anyway? Yeah,

34:22

so emerald is my birthstone,

34:24

which is not the reason I like green.

34:26

I just love green like Green's

34:29

always been my jam. Obviously

34:32

I wear a lot of

34:34

green. So anyway,

34:37

So what do you want to do for your birthday this year?

34:39

Having it be your first birthday

34:42

as a single woman? Okay,

34:44

so the last two years, this is a

34:47

fact, I have been

34:49

sick on my birthday. I had

34:51

bronchitis on my forty ninth

34:53

birthday. Literally stayed in bed. They

34:56

brought the cake into me. I was like, one

34:58

eye open, which one works

35:00

better with my botox? None? Okay?

35:05

They brought the cake in. I

35:08

was like so sick. Okay,

35:12

got it? Missed my birthday. My

35:14

fiftieth birthday, ruth An was

35:16

there. My mother threw

35:19

a lovely she knows caviars

35:21

like Big Sam.

35:24

Sorry when you grew up like I did, like I

35:26

was born eating caviar silver

35:29

spoon. Oh, but we got member, we

35:32

got pearlized spoons. I

35:34

still have it me too, one

35:36

of my purses. Remember

35:39

to take that out before I sell it, the

35:41

purse, not the spoon. Mom. I would never do that. I

35:44

love that. But yeah,

35:47

so they had one in Paris. They

35:49

opened up a caviar restaurant bar here

35:51

and lovely twenty person

35:53

beautiful table all

35:56

my besties and you guys.

35:58

Ironically was

36:01

this massive, big

36:04

potato you guys, I'll

36:06

send you a picture, you guys, topped

36:10

with the most heaping spoonful

36:13

of caviar you've ever seen. My

36:16

other one of my other friends jokes,

36:20

he was like, oh my god, I don't even

36:22

eat caviar or potatoes,

36:25

but when I'm being served a thousand dollars potato,

36:28

I'm going deep. WHOA.

36:30

I don't know where I was going with that one. Do

36:33

you remember that?

36:34

I do?

36:35

And Hansen's my mom, Aw,

36:37

this was so cute. So Hansen's

36:40

has been like my family since

36:42

I was born. My mom always every

36:44

birthday Hanson's cake. She

36:47

got individualized Hanson's

36:49

cakes for everybody to take

36:51

home as the party gets Hey, ruth

36:53

Anne, what happened to your Hanson's cake?

36:55

My Hanson's cake ran into

36:57

a few things somehow, I'm not quite

36:59

sure or how it ended up on my glasses.

37:03

In my purse.

37:04

Well, it ran into a few things, including your

37:07

fingers and hands. I heard all about this on the ride

37:09

home. I don't today just make

37:11

you blush.

37:12

I don't think so, just hot.

37:17

Hot flash

37:19

anyway. Yeah, but my

37:22

point was it was

37:24

just my big birthday. Wearing green. Of course

37:26

looked amazing, but

37:29

I was sick. It was right after we

37:31

had the mold poisoning and I

37:33

was so sick. I

37:36

was on antibiotics. I may

37:39

I drank through it, but I literally

37:43

I was so sick during that birthday. So fingers

37:45

crossed and put it out there my fifty

37:48

first birthday, I'm going to be

37:50

well and I'm going to have

37:52

a bomb ass birthday. What

37:55

are we doing? Nothing

37:57

planned? I know Everyone's

37:59

like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I'm

38:02

me, I don't know. I hate surprises.

38:04

You guys all know that. You

38:06

know what. That's old me. I

38:08

don't hate surprises. Surprise me away.

38:11

Oh god, I don't know, but

38:13

that's that's me. I'm

38:15

more focused. And Memorial Day week and I'm

38:17

like, three day weekend, what do I do for the kids.

38:20

Oh, it's pool season.

38:21

Like, I don't know, We'll

38:24

come up with something really fun for your birthday.

38:27

Kids can be so manipulative,

38:30

as you know. I always started

38:32

to see the way that for my kids. I

38:34

was like, Hey, so maybe my birthday

38:38

or you know, one night that week, I'm gonna go out

38:40

with friends and I'll have like a friend night

38:42

and like go and do adult things

38:44

and you know, go have drinks

38:47

and go, you know, like ad night out. And

38:50

Stella was like, you're not going to spend your birthday

38:52

with us? And I was like oh oh,

38:56

And I was like I tried to like justify

38:58

it as moms do you think? And You're

39:00

like, well, it's a school

39:02

night, so why don't I go out that night

39:05

and have like my fun night out with my friends?

39:07

And then I was like, baby, it's all

39:09

fun with you guys. And then that weekend

39:12

we'll have a weekend where we're all together.

39:15

And she's like, okay, if that's

39:17

what you want, I was like, oh, that's

39:20

what I want. Like crap,

39:23

this sucks, Like what are we supposed to

39:25

do? Like, okay on my birthday? You

39:28

know, this is

39:30

my next chapter, Like I'm

39:32

like doing me. Now, what

39:35

am I supposed to do? Like go out with my five kids

39:37

at six o'clock early bird special

39:40

Chili's cool. You guys will

39:42

all be on the swipe the pad like, oh,

39:44

plant versus zombies, Like, no one will

39:46

look at me. I'll sit there sipping

39:48

on my sake soke

39:51

wishful thinking Chili's

39:53

ough. Great, I'll have to have the

39:55

Sharennkes. They don't even have a pinot Grisia.

39:58

Fuck my life anyway.

40:00

I have the perfect solution.

40:04

Yes, go to one of those

40:06

places in those minimals

40:08

and get yourself a happy ending for

40:11

your birthday.

40:11

Ew no, thank you, No,

40:15

I don't want that. How do you

40:18

guys feel? Sorry, I'm my tangent.

40:21

How do you guys feel about the new terminology

40:23

body count?

40:25

I don't know what that is? Wait,

40:28

what's that?

40:32

I heard this from the teens. Ps.

40:35

All my teens are super like not

40:38

into this, Like they're very like

40:40

Donna Martin's good

40:43

for them happy. But

40:47

there's a thing that the

40:50

teens that aren't virgins

40:53

say like, oh yeah, my body count.

40:55

Literally I heard body count. It was like

40:57

serial killer. I was like, how many bodies have

40:59

you been? I don't know how many people had you killed? What

41:01

the hell? And

41:03

Stella was like, no, mom, you know what

41:06

that means? Like you're

41:08

so uncool, like everyone says it.

41:10

It's how many people you've slept

41:12

with, it's your body count,

41:14

oh dow. Yeah, we used

41:16

to just keep a list,

41:19

like on paper.

41:20

I don't even want what we

41:22

did.

41:23

I don't know whatever happened to that list,

41:25

which is a little frightening.

41:27

So I was that girl that

41:29

was like a numbers girl, and I

41:31

was like, I lose my virginity

41:34

till I was over eighteen. And

41:37

it's like getting my earspurs, like I'm not you

41:40

know, didn't do it till I was eighteen, not going

41:42

to do it till I'm forty. So I

41:45

cried, you guys, I bawled

41:47

my eyes out when I went over

41:49

one hand, and I'm talking about the number

41:51

five when I had slept with

41:53

more than five people. I cried

41:56

so hard and was like internally

41:59

beating myself up like I am

42:01

a whore, Oh my god. And

42:03

I wasn't young. It was spread out

42:05

through the years, like well into my way

42:08

into my twenties five, and

42:10

I was like, oh my god, I

42:12

have had another hand. And

42:14

I was so sad. Now

42:18

granted, you know men,

42:21

you know, it's like another notch for my belt.

42:23

Wait, what do they say? Now? I'm sure that's not cool

42:25

anymore. Like whatever, like

42:28

men can sleep. They want to like up the number

42:30

like hundreds, you know, and you're like ooh.

42:33

Like girls, I feel like we

42:36

are just like oh no, we want the number low.

42:39

But I hear that's not the new generation

42:41

then, you know, because women are empowered.

42:44

They're like, well you know that's and

42:47

they're like proud of their body count. I'm

42:49

like, uh uh, I can't invest

42:51

in that, Like why was I talking about

42:53

this anyway? I don't want a

42:55

happy ending? What else? What else

42:57

can I do for my birthday? I do you

43:00

guys?

43:00

You know what?

43:00

You know what the truth is. I do want a happy ending,

43:02

and it doesn't involve sex. It doesn't involve

43:05

anything physical. I

43:07

want my happy ending. I'm

43:09

not like, here's the thing about

43:11

me. I feel like I never am

43:13

jaded and there's always that like light

43:16

inside of me. Yeah, Jenny

43:18

calls me Paulianna. She's like, Okay, this

43:20

positivity, but it's a fact,

43:23

like I can find hope in anything

43:26

and I never get discouraged. And I call

43:28

it. You know a lot of people, I feel like people

43:30

put your fire out. And

43:33

Dean said something that actually resonated

43:36

in an article. He said

43:38

he saw my light dim

43:40

that final fight we had before we split

43:43

up and separate it, and I

43:45

was like, I had to think about that one. I was like, wow, he

43:49

did. Yeah, it flickered, it dimmed

43:51

a little, but it's

43:53

not going out like It's like, I

43:57

feel like my flame is burning brighter

44:00

than ever inside, and so

44:03

yeah, I do deserve that happy

44:06

ending. I'm getting there and

44:08

I'm hopeful and I'm

44:11

going to make it happen. Light

44:13

it up, bitch,