Nature was my safe space when I was a child. Whether I was sitting on the top of a mountain, hanging out by the side of a glacial lake, or lying on my back in a meadow looking up at the clouds, it made me feel as though everything in my life would someday be okay, despite the ugly circumstances of my daily reality. If I could find this much beauty in the small spaces of my immediate environment, then there must be a whole lot more beauty for me to discover somewhere out there in the big world.

Moving to the cabin at this juncture in my life was one of the best decisions I have made. The beauty of nature has allowed me to reflect on my past in a peaceful and safe space. When I look up at the snow-covered mountains or watch a herd of deer pass by my window, I become immediately grounded. It doesn’t matter what my mind was dwelling on, or what I was feeling stressed out about just moments ago, all that worthless internal dialogue becomes diminished when I open my eyes to my surroundings.

The contrast between my current reality and the reality of my childhood is like that of night and day, black and white, darkness and light.

I could have been the poster child for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by childhood trauma. Not a proud statement, but it helps me to think something good could have come from such a distorted life if only one person had recognized my symptoms and saved me from a lifetime of wondering whether or not I had lost my mind.

There are many classic symptoms described in psychological literature. Those symptoms include withdrawn behavior, physiological hyper-reactivity, poor self-esteem, shame, substance abuse, promiscuity, mistrust, suicidality, difficulty in relating to others, sleep problems, secretiveness, refusal to go to the doctor, OCD, habit disorders like picking or rocking, and extreme fear of being touched. How did I score? 100%! But I always have been an overachiever in order to compensate for that poor sense of self-esteem.

I sit here and scratch my head. What a mess. I can’t even begin to fathom what my life would have been like without half these symptoms, let alone none. But for the sake of being positive, I know I am a stronger, more powerful woman at this juncture in life for what I have survived. I just wish that strength had come to me through a set of more normal events…Read More in my show notes on my website here: https://awomaninthewoods.com/show-notes-2/

Question of the Week:

Do you find it easy or difficult to forgive others? Is it hard for you to forgive yourself?

You can email your answers to me at: [email protected] or leave a message on Speakpipe.

The URL for speakpipe is: speakpipe.com/awomaninthewoods.