There is a seasonal creek that sits right below the cabin. It runs full and swift during the Spring runoff once the temperatures begin to rise, which usually occurs sometime in April. Several small waterfalls form and the sounds are soothing and energizing. When I’m tired or stressed, I make my way down to the creek, wander along its banks, and allow myself to be swallowed up in its hypnotic sound and motion.

I wasn’t always so fond of water. In fact, it took me many years to get over the fear of placing my face into any body of water, but especially in a swimming pool. Placing my face in the water was an immediate PTSD trigger, that would cause me to hyperventilate from the fear I was going to drown.

This was caused by an experience in my childhood when my father pushed me into the deep end of a pool. I wasn’t a very good swimmer at the time and tried frantically to dog paddle my way back to the edge. Once I would reach the edge, my father would force my hands from it and push me back into the deep end. I would finally reach the edge again, only to have him dunk my head under the water. He pushed down on my head with his hand while I struggled to break free. He would let loose long enough for me to surface and take a sputtering breath, then hold me down under again. He did this over and over until I felt myself give in. My ability to fight was gone. At that moment, I was convinced I was going to drown. He had broken my spirit by showing me what he would do if I stood up to him. That’s when he let me out of the water. But not before then.

That is what abusive people do. They wield their power over their victims daily, in order to break their spirits to the point that their targets begin to show little resistance, if any at all. They use fear and intimidation to control. Being subject to these types of attacks over time, begins to rewire the human brain.  So, later in life, even when the abuser is no longer around, the brain triggers an illogical response to certain stimuli and can trick you into believing you are in danger again, even when you are not. That’s a very simple way to explain PTSD... 

Read more in the show notes on my website here: https://awomaninthewoods.com/show-notes-2/

The Question of the week is:

What is your favorite, or least favorite memory, of an experience you had around water?

You can email your responses to me at [email protected], or record your response on Speakpipe. The URL for Speakpipe is speakpipe.com/awomaninthewoods.

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