0:01

The. Following podcast is a Deer Media

0:03

Production. Welcome

0:08

to the Absolutely Not Hide get where we

0:10

do the most in the least at the

0:12

same damn time. I'm your host Heather Make

0:14

me at. Hello,

0:22

ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another

0:24

episode of "The Absolutely Not Podcast", I'm

0:26

your host other McMahon, how are you?

0:29

Well. I'm good. Thanks for asking. I am

0:31

back from a wild weekend in Lala land.

0:33

I mean Honey Lights Gamer action. It's a

0:36

girl on the television I have so much

0:38

to discuss. I'm going to give you the

0:40

inside scoop on the the way I scanned

0:42

my way into parties, the people I met,

0:44

the people I loved a you know, I

0:46

just just all of it. I know you

0:49

want to hear the inside scoop it. I'm

0:51

the only person is going to give a

0:53

Jew real without somehow not burning every bridge

0:55

in my career. So let's be tactful about

0:57

this. What a week? What are weekend if.

0:59

You're just tuning in and you didn't see me

1:02

on Sunday. I was getting to be a part

1:04

of the Eli from the Red Carpet before the

1:06

oscars and it's want to give a big shout

1:08

out to everybody at each other. Producers are my

1:10

co host just everybody. They've been so kind and

1:13

so amazing and it's been real fun journey and

1:15

listen y'all got the ratings up okay with the

1:17

highest rating sense for a minute. So I was

1:19

told we're part of this journey this award season

1:21

and you know I'm A. I'm a theater old

1:23

nerd. I'm a Tv nerd. I'm a film nerd.

1:26

I love all of this stuff. So the fact

1:28

that I was even asked to. Come. Chime

1:30

in my two cents and get to interview

1:32

other people in the bears. And then you

1:34

know. This. Sunday get to sit

1:36

on a panel and talk fashion which is absolute

1:38

Maisie. You know also little ironic

1:40

with the fashion because I'm Max and Easter. You

1:43

know this teacher that I have on his from

1:45

made well. My jeans are made well I sneakers

1:47

Nike. I'm a high low kind of gal but

1:49

I I did feel bad I was the right

1:52

girl for the job so they you can eat

1:54

for having me religious dive into the week. There

1:56

were a high highs and some lowlifes but all

1:58

of it came together. Circle and a beautiful

2:01

wife and their money answer later on this episode

2:03

some you're burning questions you know what is my

2:05

takes it either because I know y'all wanna know

2:07

what was going on behind the scenes. So I

2:09

fly to L A and the first party I

2:11

get to go to is a Vanity. Fair young

2:14

Hollywood parties. First of all your gross turn

2:16

and thirty seven this week. I don't know

2:18

on on the scale of where I am

2:20

use wise I know my botox has worn

2:22

off but I'm getting and see Doctor Nelson

2:24

can see you next week but I was

2:26

already rolling into does like I. The I

2:28

am the first. I am the oldest person at

2:30

this party. I was first born at this party.

2:33

a guy. Mean, I had a couple

2:35

loose menthol cigarettes and the bottom of the

2:37

clutch when all these other kids one of

2:39

the bay part. So I take Gens Boschi

2:41

who is you know dragged my special. She

2:43

and I sell Tv shows together or my

2:45

writing partner. That's is what we do. We

2:47

are, we live life together. And.

2:49

We were brothers or the party are honored to

2:52

have been invited. But it's one of those days

2:54

in L A where it's it's torrential downpour. Okay,

2:56

and if you're like business l a thing ever

2:58

it is of us l a thing ever. When

3:00

it rains in Los Angeles, people shut down, they

3:03

don't know how to drive or a everyone spray

3:05

tans are melting. Never one just has an absolute.

3:08

They don't know how to function. Said. Red

3:10

Carpet is now a, you know, the

3:12

red carpet into Noah's Ark. I mean

3:14

it is ten inches of water. No

3:16

one knows what to do. All these

3:18

for Publishers are running round celebrities or

3:20

so. Years is a Tv show Help

3:23

on the celebrity Get Me out. He he. Is

3:25

what it was like and I get out of the car

3:27

to go to the party at. It's rachel downpours and

3:29

is like for assistance of bubbles is try

3:31

to get you and or umbrellas I just

3:33

scream other celebrity. Get me out of here. You

3:36

know to bring. Some levity, but they actually thought

3:38

I was being serious. And then I was like

3:40

yellow. Too young to know what that Tv show

3:42

is. I'm clearly too old to be at the

3:45

Young Hollywood Party, so we're in line. And

3:47

we're We're in is like tunnel of hedges.

3:50

To. There's all these young hollywood starlets and then I'm

3:52

just stuck in this like. Tunnel if you

3:54

will. He. And Nicholas Gallon

3:56

sign. I believe I'm I'm between. Let's

3:59

say my apologies. Is. It hot

4:01

new young actor whose starring in this movie

4:03

with In Hathaway. He's basically I think

4:05

playing like a. Version. Of Harrys Ducks. This.

4:07

Kid is gorgeous or a. Spotlight No older

4:10

than twenty five. Two stunning. And

4:12

he's is waiting in line by himself. Case is we

4:14

have realized that allowed these like. Celebrity.

4:16

Things Slaughter Celebs his lane and line by

4:19

themselves. Looking for somebody to chat with? So.

4:21

Of course Jen and I turn around

4:23

a little girls on the group and

4:25

wages scout Nato led. ah my guide

4:27

saw the trailer for the new movie

4:29

with Anne Hathaway. The chemistry is palpable.

4:31

Oh my god you look fantastic. Couple

4:33

like murders Grilling this kid on this

4:36

movie and he is easy eaten it

4:38

up. You. Know to me because everybody

4:40

in Young Hollywood's too cool to chit chat.

4:42

But I'm like honey our know all about

4:44

the by the scenes, thrive in a great

4:46

laugh about it and she's dressed really sunk.

4:48

He. Looks great now see invitation on

4:50

all these parties says cocktail attire for

4:52

it says formal wear you don't evening

4:55

down. This is a cocktail entire party

4:57

but because all these kids young they're all show

4:59

up in one guy to Steelers jersey on. I

5:01

need the the audacity. I showed up at a

5:03

nice off the shoulder dress from large aunts and

5:06

it had get heads be dazzled of the blazer

5:08

that fell off the shoulder pad and a nice

5:10

sensible seal. The hair was blown out. I had

5:12

on two pairs of spanked. I mean I was

5:14

ready. I was ready. I showed up and that

5:17

proper cocktail attack and this young kid in front

5:19

of a hat on a Steelers years as a

5:21

young all he would. Do comfortable to

5:23

relax of a celebrity get me out of

5:25

here. but we're just getting with this adorable.

5:27

Guy Nicholas and were just finding all over him and

5:30

he was having a laugh because he's gives of attention.

5:32

From small the gals. And. Other gunny to be

5:34

right up your alley. I mean, he does his move within

5:36

Hathaway to. Get to make our there. I

5:38

mean, she's clearly in my Millennium wheel else.

5:41

So. We get into the party and it

5:43

is young. It is young. It is fabulous.

5:45

Everyone's cool on everyone's passing around the same

5:47

zap you know which I did get a

5:49

little alarmed at. I said everybody's gonna end

5:51

up with a cold sore here so let's

5:53

maybe bring our own Bates to the party.

5:55

I did go out on the patio on

5:57

loot, look for a loose sig and. That

6:00

was hard to find. I think there

6:02

was somebody working from Instagram like Adele

6:04

a manager to disagree with a cigarette.

6:06

They're like of Dodge Darling, but I

6:08

felt like Audrey Hepburn. I sell like.

6:11

You know that? A garbo. Just outside as

6:13

being like you kids have no idea where Shirley

6:15

Temples and if you don't know Shirley Temple is

6:17

would then you're too young to be listening to

6:20

this guy the A podcast so I really felt

6:22

like that. like the old. Wise at of

6:24

the Hollywood Grow. Weed. So much

6:26

fine I gotta run in. My buddy the neatest

6:28

skinner said at the benny who's also and year

6:30

media we love him. We were just laugh. We're

6:33

laughing about everything. Haven't agree time

6:35

so I'm. Getting grilled left and right.

6:37

Hey, what's going on with the next in your

6:39

career With the phone detour? it's all great You

6:41

networking where we'll in Were dion. And I

6:43

guam way to find out of my tv show

6:45

gets picked up so I leave everybody on us.

6:47

I sent a dangled the care it with these

6:50

young hollywood starlets like I will find out whether

6:52

or not the tv shows gonna get picked up.

6:54

thinking. I'm on the up right

6:56

like kind of climate up that mountains of

6:58

here we are. We've arrived pulled the next

7:00

day shit hit the fan. So. I

7:03

was going is a meetings of men around town

7:05

still jetlag. From Australia's I'm up at four am

7:07

every day to scratch mine my neck, waiting for

7:09

the phone call. I my Dear

7:11

Manager Maggie. Love you Maggie! She

7:13

will listen to this two. Calls me.

7:17

About delivery. The delivery of

7:19

so aggressive news was so

7:21

perfect. Hey what's up? So.

7:23

They passed and I beg you. didn't even

7:25

give me a second of. I could sit

7:28

down and do my job. Salad a

7:30

guy like forgive me adds up. They

7:32

got as a my hotel room. And.

7:34

I found out that Nbc. Pass on my show. Susan.

7:37

Mix of emotions, Your. I

7:39

was just like you gotta be fucking kidding me

7:41

We've been doing this for like six years now.

7:43

We've now done to shows with them. I was

7:45

like hi. This. Is what it is

7:48

the your media that reaction as fuck your

7:50

second. their reaction is like i'm sad but

7:52

I'm also like. It

7:54

is what it is. Okay, that's Hollywood baby and I

7:56

didn't expect to get that the I didn't He said

7:58

to get the news this week. The mean, it's

8:00

Oscars. We say the I want to feel like

8:02

a winner I was on the up. I was

8:04

young, I was Hollywood. I'm a celebrity. Get me

8:06

out of here. Well apparently they wanted to get

8:08

me out of Nbc. so they're They're not. Picking

8:11

up the show now to explain to you how

8:13

this works and I guarantee I will get a phone

8:15

call a you shouldn't have suddenly of as let

8:17

y'all know you've been a long for the journey. You

8:19

know it's real big t this what they do

8:22

in Hollywood. You know when to show good spot

8:24

or when show starts to get develop the make

8:26

a big article about it. They splashed everywhere and

8:28

several like it's happening. It's happening. The number one

8:31

question I get when I mean charges as wins

8:33

a tv show coming out honey where it is

8:35

against the pilot we didn't even get that far.

8:38

So. I'm Bob. Dole

8:42

that a minute in a moment of

8:44

just like. I didn't

8:46

know how to do and sign of find

8:48

the nations of how to feel disappointment but

8:51

also feel like you know and I still

8:53

being my own cheerleader. I'm sitting

8:55

in my hotel room eating a delicious

8:57

greet chopped salad. I.

8:59

Had taken off my shirt because I slept through it from

9:01

my meetings. In the morning. As you know, I have some sort of. Prepare.

9:04

You might menopausal hormone imbalance. I'm

9:06

sitting. In. A A

9:08

Nick Stay and I X and

9:10

knicks tank top. Of Czarist court.

9:13

My. Be joined as a little shifted too far to the right

9:15

to the sports is right up I can fill in the

9:17

back of my uterus. An m

9:20

sit on the floor eating my

9:22

salad. My managers like they passed

9:24

i'm sorry and I decided. I'd already

9:26

widow I do. What is your? This is so embarrassing. I

9:28

decided to take a video of myself

9:30

just like talking to camera for my

9:32

own video diary. I'm never going to

9:34

share this. I was like Heather today

9:37

it's one forty in the afternoon. It's

9:39

you know, Thursday. It's

9:41

illegal. The Oscars You just found out. That

9:43

you should and get picked up. I. Just want

9:45

to record this a video style maybe up

9:48

with us on Instagram to see. You know

9:50

what the ceiling is like? See, don't forget

9:52

this feeling of rejection. So. That in

9:54

a year to and you have another show picked up

9:56

or in the next thing happens you'll look back and

9:58

you'll have a laugh. I

10:01

watch video on the flight home

10:03

yesterday I was laughing so hard

10:05

to myself like this is such

10:07

a loser. Bullshit. Like I looked like a

10:10

loser. Like you can see the sadness in my.

10:12

Eyes. But I like a what? why did I

10:14

did a that? I guess I'll look back and

10:16

be like yeah, fuck that look at me I'm

10:18

a star but either way I just wanted to

10:20

record my ceiling in that moment. But it's sad

10:23

y'all It's sad. I'm. Sitting in a

10:25

Czar have scored eaten, had chopped salad and

10:27

a dog hotel room I mean the windows

10:29

to the shades are drawn I was it

10:31

a sweet but for some. Reason is one particular

10:33

hotel they always will mean as one room is

10:35

like to prison windows. So I was already fighting

10:37

for my life to get a little by the

10:39

media Melatonin you know I the A was it

10:41

was all it was the Up with Down the

10:43

Down bizarre. And then I

10:45

had to go into the podcast studio that I had to

10:47

go and do some interviews and go around and do these

10:50

generals so you kind of feel like. You're.

10:52

A puppet like I literally I did you like. Lower.

10:54

Merion adults have just gotten is bad news.

10:56

This project I've been working. On. For

10:58

the last couple years a bombed. I'm.

11:01

In his are scored that's too short. And

11:03

I was like okay now I gotta go put

11:05

on a blazer and thousand had chit chat with

11:08

people about other things that I'm feeling I had

11:10

I did the day. Then started to take

11:12

a dark spiral. It took that dogs

11:14

spiral. So. I get through

11:16

my day. And you know when to get

11:18

bad news or when you're really bummed about Sunday a

11:20

person like fuck them. Then you get a little sad

11:22

that you're on a high than your blood sugar gets

11:24

less than yeah. Have a couple too many white wines

11:26

and the next you know your to Hollywood Reporter. Parties

11:28

Search for James Charles Obsessive. Don't

11:31

know why I thought you were

11:33

out of school drunk walking around

11:35

the party going sister sister. I

11:37

find him insufferable, but I had

11:39

to. I was like. This is

11:41

where I'm at my life. I. Have been working on

11:43

this. Project that I was of to so.

11:46

Bad about and now I'm at a

11:48

party. Drying under savored Berber. Disturbed

11:50

Charles Fighting for my fucking life.

11:52

Help on the celebrity get me out

11:55

of here. So. Or. Making

11:57

the rounds. Were doing a big i'm in a coral.

12:00

You know I'm taking photos on the red car

12:02

bed and it's always. It's always humbling when they're

12:04

like when you walk out on red carpet and

12:06

you have a little published sustaining there and they

12:08

write your name on a whiteboard and he see

12:11

more like don't give a fuck who I am

12:13

and I'm standing there in my coral suit, my

12:15

business suit trying to like a boss babes but

12:17

all I feel like is just a. You.

12:19

I feel like an intern. I really feel like

12:21

an intern like I'm starting from scratch square one.

12:24

I just so y'all know how this works night

12:26

now and the industry like pushed right Everyone like.

12:29

Nothing's getting picked up. It's so hard to sell

12:31

a show, especially comedies. It's so hard to comedy

12:33

that that doesn't make sense to me. Okay, I

12:36

see the numbers on my Instagram my tic toc

12:38

people love comedy This as a love might. Help

12:41

I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. So

12:43

I'm just you know this is what they tell

12:45

you. I think it's honestly to manage expectations but

12:47

I just find it cylinder that if people are

12:50

beginning family and end this is a thing amongst

12:52

other comedians. Was really wild for a lot About

12:54

says that a lot of the comedies are not

12:56

action comedies or dramas. And they have to

12:59

funny lines like burrito. it's a it's a real

13:01

dog show about. Been. Of the saddest

13:03

shit ever. You. Know family drama,

13:05

the holocaust, the bears, the.like my level

13:07

periods of time in history will eat

13:10

a wars are just awful sitting there

13:12

like would somebody farted and one of

13:14

the scene so it's comedy you're like

13:16

this is not I miss like dumb

13:19

and dumber as comedy. Didn't.

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expectations. I'm standing in a coral suit. It was

16:46

raining again this next night, so the bottom of

16:48

my suit pants are just wet. So right, you know

16:51

there's no worse feeling than being in a wet pant.

16:53

Oh my God, if your socks get wet or

16:55

if you're in wet jeans, wet jeans, worse feeling

16:58

on the planet. Help, I'm a celebrity. Get me out

17:00

of them. So I mean, it was

17:02

just we hit rock bottom. I had a couple

17:04

too many white wines. I went to Medeo, one

17:06

of my favorite Italian spots, and I'm sitting at

17:08

the bar with Jen and we are just housing

17:10

a chicken parm. At this point, the only way

17:13

I know how to deal with any of these

17:15

emotions is in my feeling. And then I

17:17

realized the next day I got to go see my stylist Sonya

17:19

to figure out an Oscar's dress. So it was a real high

17:21

and low. I'm like, great, I've just consumed about 10,000 calories. And

17:23

at 8am the next day,

17:25

I got to go put on some sequins. So

17:28

the next day I wake up, pull my

17:30

shit together and I'm like, this is it. This

17:32

is a new day. I got new ideas. It's a

17:34

new day. We got to move forward. All right. So

17:38

I want to give a big shout out real quick to my team.

17:41

Shout out to Jamie makeup, face

17:44

by case, Casey Picard. I want to

17:46

thank Kiki, Tara by

17:48

Kiki, and Sonya Young, who is

17:50

my stylist. Just everybody who knocked it out of

17:52

the park this weekend for everything that they did.

17:54

I'm so grateful. And really it

17:56

takes a village. Okay. It takes booby tape,

17:59

you know, Somebody had to hunt

18:01

down a tampon for me. I of

18:03

course I don't know the universe is just

18:05

always sending me a little whisper a little kick

18:07

in the ass We're kicking the twat if you will

18:10

Here I am trying to look virginal in

18:13

my in that white gorgeous dress that Sonia put

18:15

me in and I started my period It's

18:17

7 a.m. Sunday morning. The dogs

18:19

are barking. Okay, I was like you

18:22

got to be fucking kidding me Somebody had to hunt down

18:24

a tampon, you know We had somebody just

18:27

knocking on random doors at the Hollywood Roosevelt.

18:29

There's other stars getting ready and they're like

18:31

how does bleeding She's a celebrity help her

18:33

get her out of here. She started a period so it

18:36

was all hands on deck But

18:38

I knew that I had a job to do and that

18:41

was to talk about people who were far more successful than

18:43

me and say That they all looked pretty so I knew

18:45

I had to put my game face on for the red

18:47

carpet Now I want to give a

18:49

particular shout out. Okay to Kelsey Knight

18:52

who is Congratulations, Kelsey on your

18:54

new big job at E I mean she's always she's

18:56

like an actual journalist has been in the game forever

18:59

And she just got a huge promotion at E and

19:01

we love and adore her and she's a real real

19:03

down-ass bitch so I

19:06

See her before we're about to do

19:09

the live Oscar streaming now. She's on

19:11

like top of Ripley's believe it or not

19:13

She's doing another broadcast and I'm down on

19:15

the fashion panel with Zuri and Zanna and

19:17

and Christian Siriano So I go over

19:19

to the red carpet to do photos with her We

19:22

get out on the red carpet and I shit you

19:24

not. This is how God keeps you humble and I

19:26

love this shit This is why I do call me.

19:28

I love this, you know to mean I love being

19:30

in this orbit this Atmosphere of people who

19:33

are actually stars and at the end of the day,

19:35

I'm reminded like stay true to who you are So

19:38

we get out there. It's all the Oscar

19:40

photographers now when you walk out on

19:42

the carpet, they literally scream your name They're like Heather

19:44

Heather over a year over here 10 seconds over here.

19:46

No look to your left Look to your right look

19:49

down over here over here and all the photographers are

19:51

fighting for your attention to get the good shot So

19:54

I walked to the first group of photographers. They

19:56

know who I am couple guys taking photos who

19:58

walked to the second star So Kelty

20:00

is ahead of me, she's to my right. And

20:03

this guy goes, hey sweetheart, what's your name?

20:06

Kelty stops everyone and she goes, her name's Heather

20:09

fucking McMahon and don't you forget it. And

20:11

she ran over and squeezed me and took a photo

20:13

with me. And that's one of my favorite

20:16

photos, I'm gonna frame it because it was such a testament

20:18

to women in the business helping each other out. I mean,

20:20

she did not have to do that. She did not have

20:22

to be that kind. And she whispered in

20:24

my ear, she was like, never like always tell them

20:26

who you are. You got this. And I

20:28

was just like, what a bad bitch. So anyways, Kelty can

20:30

do no wrong in my eyes. She's a star and

20:32

she didn't have to do that. She did. And

20:35

it was such a kind and also iconic

20:37

movie moment, you know, she did

20:39

not have to take 10

20:42

seconds out of her time and her getting the right

20:44

photo to help me out, but she did. But

20:46

man, there's nothing better. There's nothing better when a

20:49

photographer is like, hey sweetheart, hey sugar pitch, what's

20:51

your name? Now, if

20:54

some of y'all remember when I got to do

20:56

my first red carpet at the Amfar gala like

20:58

eight years ago, Gigi Hadid had walked

21:00

in front of me and really truly nobody knew who I

21:02

was at the time. And

21:05

I go out on the carpet. No

21:07

one cares to take my photo. In fact, they all put

21:09

their photos, their cameras down and

21:12

a young woman. It's always women who help each other

21:14

out. A woman who was a photographer took

21:17

her memory card out, blew on it, stuck

21:19

it back in and goes, honey, I'll take one. And

21:21

I'll never forget. There's like Gigi Hadid, all these

21:24

famous models for the Amfar gala and I'm standing

21:26

there in my cheetah print dress that I got

21:28

from ASOS. And this

21:30

woman was like, I'll take one photo of you. And

21:32

everybody else got a full length photo, but mine was

21:34

just of my thick neck. And that is another photo

21:36

that I have printed out that I always keep up.

21:38

So it was funny though, you know, five years down

21:40

the road when far more people know who I

21:43

am, I've got a Netflix special. They're still like,

21:45

what's your name sugar bits. So

21:48

staying fucking humble. All right. So it's

21:50

kind of like just kind of kicking you while you're down, but I'm

21:52

excited. I'm like, the Oscars to me is always

21:55

just the most exciting day of the year. I

21:57

Mean, obviously Easter Sunday is the best Sunday of

21:59

the year. Give it up to the

22:01

lord. But Oscar Sunday comes as a close second. Would.

22:04

You wanna live broadcasts and none of the

22:06

like real big a list basis of a

22:09

lot of the nominees did not make it's

22:11

old up in seconds before the telecast. Started

22:13

for the actual asked her ceremony because

22:16

there was crazy traffic. There was a

22:18

multiple protests. All. Over all the streets

22:20

are blocked off the people are sitting in traffic

22:22

for like two hours you try to get to

22:24

the carpet so for everybody was trying to interview

22:26

people with. you know it was kind of chaos.

22:28

Like the people that you thought you're gonna get

22:30

interview didn't com that to the last second so

22:32

was a lot of like production scrambling around see

22:34

have to be on your toes. It's like television.

22:37

I deeply felt like a touch intimidated because

22:39

I'm sitting with three people in a series.

22:41

Vienna and Christian Siriano who are in the

22:44

fashion world said get it and I'm Simon

22:46

and on like what? See some green legs?

22:48

I was a who's trying to not seem

22:50

like. All of my clothes

22:52

or bought either from Tj Maxx and or

22:54

Nordstrom rack like I was trying to be

22:56

like I have a at Neiman Marcus credit

22:59

card but I would you know I I

23:01

now have a new stylus. Sonia has been

23:03

crushing the looks but I are both like

23:05

a high low kind of gal usually has

23:07

this dresses. For in at all as a

23:09

like bangor like do Drew like let's do

23:11

it So. You know

23:13

everybody's talking about like accustomed to your that

23:16

custom. this the custom that and I'm like

23:18

honey you know that a sacks of avenue

23:20

and see what began a size fourteen sixteen

23:22

unless of the vet said it was humbling

23:24

and that than I do when it hits

23:26

his impressions. before I get to the Vanity

23:28

Fair party I do any answers or these

23:30

questions because a lot he all have like

23:33

fashioned questions. which I find. It

23:35

extremely funny. But. Ah my.

23:37

But to the up on Instagram saying athlete A

23:39

about the actual Oscars are committed tale about the

23:41

let's say. Somebody.

23:43

Said Joan would be so proud of his

23:45

dog. About the iconic Joan Rivers. Did you

23:47

get in? Trouble for saying Kids On Air personally

23:49

loved it. I didn't know that they have leaked

23:51

it out. I didn't know tits was a bad

23:53

word to say. Apparently they bleed to that's needed

23:55

a but yell at me for it. No net.

23:58

And intensity. It's baby. Again,

24:00

I thought I made a great wicked joke, but

24:02

you know, I think I said something

24:04

along the line of the only thing that's defying gravity

24:07

is my tits and they did bleep it though.

24:09

But you know what? That's okay. Because

24:11

if you get a couple bleeps, you know, you're on the right track. Did

24:14

you not get to go into the theater for the

24:16

actual show? No, I did not. So the

24:18

Oscars, I got to go to the Emmys. I was able to

24:20

go to the Grammys. But here's the thing. When

24:22

you've been on a live telecast for three hours, you've been in

24:24

hair and makeup since 7 a.m. I

24:26

was running on two hours of sleep. I actually wanted to just

24:28

go watch it back in my hotel room because then I had

24:31

to get ready for the next two parties I was going to. I

24:33

had to do a quick change, baby. So

24:35

I did not go into the actual Oscars.

24:37

And what people don't realize is when you're

24:39

actually at the live shows, it doesn't look

24:41

like how it looks on television. Like if all

24:44

the house lights are up, it's really well lit.

24:46

Like you're not, it's not like that cozy

24:48

theater experience. It's a lot of moving parts

24:51

because it's a live television production.

24:53

So no, I did not get to watch it, go into

24:55

the theater. But honestly, I wanted to go watch it in

24:58

my room. I wanted to go eat some Raisin Cane's chicken

25:00

tenders, you know, soak the feet in ice

25:02

for a little bit, hit them with a little

25:04

lidocane and relax. But do I think I

25:07

made Joan proud? I hope so.

25:10

You know, we're definitely trying to lean in of

25:12

being able to say what we really feel

25:15

without being mean about things. And

25:17

not that Joan ever was. Fashion

25:20

Police was my favorite show ever, period. That's why I

25:22

tuned in. But you know, celebrities

25:24

have gotten soft. So you have to wear

25:26

a delicate glove with them. Okay,

25:29

what's the bathroom situation like? Well, I

25:31

had a catheter the whole live stream.

25:33

No, I don't know if you're asking about

25:36

it at the Vanity Fair party, but the

25:38

bathroom situation for the live broadcast was I

25:40

had 50 seconds to run and go pee. And

25:43

I did. But you know, I have a

25:45

tiny urethra. So when I pee, it's like a pressure

25:47

washer. It's a steady stream. Nicest

25:49

celeb encounter ever, period

25:52

in my life. Henry Winkler, I interviewed him for the

25:54

Emmys and he was like the nicest guy ever. And

25:56

I even said in the interview, everyone says you're the nice guy in

25:59

Hollywood. It's like, no, I'm not. I'm like, no, you are

26:01

actually the nicest guy ever. I did not

26:03

get to chitchat with any of the celebs on the red

26:05

carpet for the Oscars, because again, I was on the fashion

26:07

panel, but we will get to the Vanity Fair party. Who

26:10

was surprisingly short at the

26:12

Oscars, height-wise? Well, I don't know if you know this, but 99%

26:15

of people in Hollywood are under 5'4". I

26:19

mean, unless you're Henry Cavill

26:21

or maybe one of the

26:23

Hemsworths, I mean, in the Rock Dwayne Johnson, everyone's

26:25

teeny tiny. Did you see RER on a Grande?

26:28

I mean, she just rolled up in a sleeping bag.

26:30

She's about 4'2". Regardless,

26:33

I tower over everybody in Hollywood. That's why it's

26:35

hard for me to book a lot of leading

26:38

lady roles, because if it's ever going to be

26:40

a romantic comedy, I got to be

26:42

with a man who, I mean, I'd have to pair

26:44

with a professional athlete. What else we got? Whoever

26:47

has been styling you for these awards shows is

26:49

doing an amazing job studying. Well, that's Sony Young.

26:51

Shout out to Sony Young. She's absolutely been crushing

26:53

it. Were you given a

26:55

color scheme or requirements for your dress while

26:57

hosting with E-Won? E? No,

26:59

I was not. They sent us a

27:01

mood board of what the set looked like, so we

27:04

worked accordingly. But I, you know, Sonya, my stylist keeps

27:06

telling me I need to wear white to

27:08

show everybody how virginal I really am.

27:11

So I wanted to wear white. It worked out great. I

27:13

loved the dress. And here's the thing

27:15

that I've learned about styling. You may try an address

27:17

that looks totally different than when you do

27:19

it in a fitting, and you need to know the

27:21

makeup, the hair. I was like, Sonya, I don't know if

27:23

this dress is going to be like, you

27:25

know, I don't know about the other, the

27:28

sleeve and the this. And she was like, trust

27:30

me, it's going to look so glamorous. And I'm

27:32

so glad I listened to her because it looked

27:34

great. And shout out to Tadashi Soji, who made

27:37

both of my dresses for the Oscars and the

27:39

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it never really get ensues He vanity Fair

30:52

point hardest ticket to get. Impossible.

30:55

You know, I know I just got my way and

30:57

so I scanned. I can't tell you my sources but

30:59

I was invited. I was invited by the Vanity Fair.

31:02

Now. On the back. Then I was able to hide

31:04

it. You don't get a plus one. Sorry, I'm telling you

31:07

I was on the red carpet. With. Some

31:09

of the biggest stars ever period and they also

31:11

didn't get plus once it's like if you're invited

31:13

the blood spilled lead people get plus ones are

31:15

Steven Spielberg. Inject basis. You.

31:18

Truly. Like

31:20

I'm in the industry. But. I'm

31:22

around comedians a lot. It was truly

31:24

the wildest night of my life. He.

31:27

Had to go through seventy five security checkpoints. I thought

31:29

for sure it's simply. The Rebel yell right

31:31

there yet? job. Saw New Ice. I was

31:33

waiting for paparazzi to snap a photo of

31:35

me outside getting fully rejected, but I I

31:37

wasn't. So you get them like your tolkien,

31:39

Give them all your press passes. All the

31:41

stuff. And then. You. Get mine and

31:43

again, it's always around ahead. She was hanging out around

31:46

hedges and then he. Turned the corner and it

31:48

is the Vanity Fair. You gotta get a

31:50

photo like it is it that is depressing.

31:52

So. i'm standing up with spina is right

31:54

behind me serena williams has three back i

31:57

see i spice ah one of the cast

31:59

members from in front of me. I

32:01

got a Riverdale gal. I see Sabrina Carpenter up

32:03

the way. It is one

32:05

of the wildest experiences. So I'm standing there.

32:07

I turned to Awkwafina. Her real name is

32:09

Nora. I said, Awkwafina, how

32:12

are you? And she's just like, I'm good. Kind

32:14

of like, I'm good. This

32:16

is just as awkward for me as it is you.

32:18

But she's an old pro. She's done this a lot. So

32:21

I realized very quickly that small talk with celebrities

32:23

in line who are just as nervous about having

32:25

to take awkward photos with you was not

32:28

the way to go. So I'm chit chat. I tried

32:31

to chit chat with some of the Bridgerton gals.

32:33

They were lovely but also in like hot couture.

32:37

They both had custom gowns from people who don't

32:39

make my size. So I was just standing there

32:41

in my, first of all, dress that I look

32:43

like a goddamn smoke show in, but it was

32:45

only $300 something dollars. And we're going

32:47

to add it to the Instagrams if you want to

32:49

get it. So I'm just staying true to my roots.

32:51

I'm like, this dress is affordable. My shoes

32:53

are comfortable. I look great. My tits

32:55

are spushed up with the Skims bra right now. I

32:58

need to lean in. I'm a million dollars. I deserve to be

33:00

at this party. And again, we

33:02

go to take the photos and Kelsey

33:05

had warned me. She said, Heather, if you got to

33:07

take it to the Vanity Fair party, that that press

33:09

is really gnarly. Like just get ready. So I go

33:11

to step on my first little star. Now granted the

33:13

paparazzi, all the photographers, they're

33:16

excited to take photos of everybody from Bridgerton. And they see

33:18

who's behind me in the lineup. I

33:20

mean, I spice for God's sakes is about four feet

33:22

away from me. And I stand on my little

33:24

star and a couple of people take my photo

33:26

and then they put their cameras down and

33:28

I literally waited. You have to wait on the

33:31

star. You have to wait on your mark before

33:33

you move to the next one. And you can

33:35

hear everybody saying, and now there is a publicist

33:37

saying like, this is Heather McMahon. They announced you,

33:39

but everybody, they only took four photos and then

33:41

I have to go to the next star and

33:43

they're only taking four photos. Meanwhile, you got, you

33:45

know, I spice behind me like I spice, I

33:48

spice over the yield. The ice spice, I

33:50

spice. And I'm standing there and like,

33:52

yes, Heather here. They take two photos, cameras down. So

33:54

then you just have to wait. It's like you're playing

33:56

duck duck goose or like hopscotch. You have to wait

33:58

on your little square. a little star where

34:00

you can move to the next one. But I said,

34:03

damn it, I'm going to smile. I'm going to stand

34:05

here and pretend like people are still taking my photo.

34:07

I am not moving. I am not straying. As Kelty

34:09

told me, remind them you're Heather fucking McMahon. And

34:11

I got my photos. And then the

34:14

last thing that you can do after you take photos is

34:16

they'll do like a video interview and they were like, you

34:18

can go on in the party. Go on in. I

34:21

walk in. I see

34:23

Melissa McCarthy, who I had

34:25

technically kind of accosted the

34:27

day before. We were at the same place getting

34:29

a facial and I went

34:31

up to her raw dog after I just

34:33

had extractions. My face had capillaries that were

34:36

burst. And I went up to her

34:38

and said, Melissa, I want to work with you one day. It's

34:40

been on my vision board forever. So I just need you to

34:42

know, I know you don't know who I am, but my name's

34:44

Heather. And then I said, and I quote, I promise you I'm

34:46

legit. I have a Netflix special. And she was like, well, but

34:48

that's all the pitch I need. She's like sold. And

34:51

I just said, I really want to work with you. So I

34:53

bump into Melissa, say hi. She's just

34:55

cooler than all hell. And when I walk in,

34:57

it's bam. Lindsay Lohan,

35:00

the Kardashians are in a corner. Steven

35:02

Spielberg's to my right. They got people passing

35:04

out in and out burgers. I'm starving. I'm

35:06

sweating. I got through the hardest part,

35:08

which was just getting in the frickin party. And then I'm

35:10

there. I don't listen. The Illuminati

35:13

is real short. Do I think it's people in Hollywood?

35:15

No. I'm gonna say

35:17

this right now. I know other actors and

35:19

convenience. We're not bright enough to get together.

35:21

Did you see how long the strike lasted?

35:24

Okay. Bright enough to get

35:26

together for world domination? Actors

35:28

and people in the biz, all we hear is

35:30

rejection. Now, is the Illuminati a bunch of people

35:32

in politics? For sure. But I will

35:35

say, I was standing in this room and I was

35:37

like, okay, they haven't asked me to join. But

35:39

if they do, tonight's the night. You

35:41

know, get out the pitchfork and shovel. I'm

35:44

ready for the ceremony. No, I'm kidding. But you know,

35:46

it was just great. I'm in the room and I'm like,

35:48

I got to find a friend. Who the fuck am I

35:50

going to know in this party? Alison

35:52

Williams from, you know, the hit show

35:54

Girls came up to me. Huge fan.

35:57

Love you. She said, Alison, you've got the skin

35:59

of a... Horstland doll. Are you

36:01

kidding me? You're giving me the time of day I

36:03

didn't know that these people knew who I was from

36:05

chatting with her and then I see my dear friend

36:07

Casey Wilson Casey and

36:10

I did the Great American Bake Off together She

36:12

has the incredible iconic podcast bitch sesh and she

36:14

sees me I see her and we lock eyes

36:16

and we're like What are we doing at this

36:18

party? Now she's gone a couple years and

36:21

it is so nice to be standing there with a fellow comedian We

36:24

can just sit in the corner and just

36:26

stare People watch watch all the

36:28

models watch him Rada make her way through the

36:30

room watch Just you know everybody holding their Oscars

36:32

and and it's funny to be in a room

36:35

like that It's it's the top people in the

36:37

business It would be like if you went to

36:39

the SPs and then afterwards all the people who

36:41

won the Heisman are in the same room That's

36:43

what it's like. Okay, and of

36:45

course, I'm just I am where my next food

36:48

and drink is coming from shout out to chef

36:50

funky Evan Evan

36:52

who owns mother wolf and a bunch of other restaurants

36:54

in LA he had a pizza bar. I'm in the

36:56

back I'm leaned over, you know, my tits are to

36:58

my throat and I said Chef

37:00

hit me with another margarita slice some of the

37:02

best pizza I've ever had. So I'm making my

37:04

rounds. I'm eating all the food I'm

37:07

throwing back the Don Julio. I'm having the

37:09

time of my life Next thing, you

37:11

know who walks past I got

37:13

Lizzo. I see everybody on the dance

37:15

floor I mean I people keep asking me who did

37:17

you see everyone? Everyone I

37:20

saw them. I had a moment

37:22

where who came up to me and complimented me on

37:25

my hair somebody important and I can't remember because I

37:27

was about six tequila deep at this point and People

37:30

were like I love your dress. I love your hair

37:32

You look great and I just said I absolutely deserve

37:34

to be here So even though I

37:37

got some major rejection at the beginning of

37:39

the week here I was at Vanity Fair

37:41

and did four people take my photos they

37:43

did but next year will it be four

37:45

zero? It will be 40 as

37:47

believe and receive and you

37:49

know when I was in their housing in

37:52

and out burgers Just like Heidi Klum was

37:54

just like, you know, Molly Sims just like

37:57

Lindsay Lohan just like Emma Stone

37:59

I was the same fast food.

38:01

I was one with the people and

38:04

at the end of the night I looked at the stars I

38:06

said help I'm a celebrity get me out of here and

38:09

I went about my merry way. Did I

38:11

get a swag bag? I sure did.

38:13

Shout out to Izzden Skin. They were

38:15

running the show. It is really wild though

38:17

how they set it up. They shut

38:19

down like four city blocks and they

38:22

essentially build like a fancier

38:24

version of Chateau Marmont on the

38:26

city blocks. Like the bathroom that

38:28

you go into is like the hottie toddy

38:30

potties but it's actually you feel like somehow

38:32

they've made it look not like a porta-potty.

38:35

Everything is built from scratch. It was just incredible.

38:37

Shout out to Nicole who is one

38:39

of my girlfriends who planned my wedding. It was also one

38:41

of the party planners. She did an incredible job but

38:44

let me answer some of your questions. I'm sorry I'm all over

38:46

the place today guys. I don't

38:48

even like I was trying to explain it to

38:50

some of my other friends. They were like well

38:52

who did you see? Everyone. I

38:55

saw everyone. I saw them.

38:57

I saw them. Let's see.

38:59

Best celeb tits. Well obviously that's gonna go

39:01

out to Sydney Sweeney. Shout out. Also Jamie

39:03

Lee Curtis. I'm gonna tell you this right

39:05

now. Jamie Lee Curtis has a great set

39:07

of jobs. They're perky. She's got a fabulous

39:10

figure. I love her. Do you

39:12

realize how far you've come in one year?

39:14

Selling out shows specials Jeopardy! You know what?

39:16

I needed that reminder. You're right. It is

39:18

really wild even though I feel like I

39:20

was really kind of down because I was

39:22

feeling the sense of rejection but I gotta

39:24

look. We gotta look forward. He has so

39:26

much exciting shit happening and you know what?

39:28

When God closes one door he opens a

39:30

window for you to jump out up to your death.

39:35

There has been so much that has happened one

39:37

year and I think especially in our business where

39:39

you're only as good as your last project. You're

39:41

only as good as you know your last Instagram

39:43

post or your funny TikTok or your last reel.

39:45

It is hard sometime to be in

39:47

that world where you just want to like I want to live in the

39:50

moment. I want to live in the present. I want to enjoy the fruits

39:52

of my labor and I want to be able to enjoy it now. Here's

39:54

the other thing too that is so

39:57

interesting when you're dealing with actual other like big

39:59

huge celebrities. They don't have

40:01

to make Instagram reels. They're not making tic-tacs.

40:03

All right, they're not doing any of this

40:05

shit They go out in public get photographed

40:07

when they want to and then they can

40:09

just hide away for two years You're like,

40:11

oh, I haven't seen this famous actress in

40:13

two years. Yeah, cuz she's just living in

40:15

Abu Dhabi working on Dune Okay, and that's

40:17

nice. I am a comedian. I

40:19

don't get that. All right. I have to be scumming

40:21

my way into everything I gotta be in your face

40:23

24 7 365 and there are days when I am

40:25

tired But

40:28

you know what I keep cranking out content cuz your

40:30

girls are workhorse But it was wild to

40:32

be in the room where I'm like, oh you don't have an Instagram 90%

40:37

of the people in that room did not have

40:39

an Instagram, but I did I did

40:41

and I love Instagram So please don't shadowbam

40:44

me anymore. What was the

40:46

styling process? How did you choose a dress? I'll

40:48

tell you I called son Yeah ring ring. I

40:50

said I want to look like an absolute slut

40:52

pig and that's what we did We went more

40:54

classy for the Oscars But we went, you

40:56

know, I wanted to look like just

40:59

a vixen an old Hollywood

41:01

vixen And again both

41:03

dresses from Tadashi soji. Hope I pronounced

41:05

that right. Did you cross paths with

41:07

Julian Huff? I didn't thank God No

41:10

beef. No hate no shade just kind

41:13

of she's inseparable. Okay. I need all the details on

41:15

the disco dress again It was like 300 bucks. We're

41:17

gonna add we're gonna add it to the shop my

41:19

on my Instagram So stay tuned and if you're a

41:22

straight man listening to this podcast, I'm sorry All right,

41:24

the girls want to hear the tea. So

41:26

listen in the next episode. I'll talk about dicks

41:28

again Who was the most stunning

41:30

to see in real life? Oh I'll

41:33

tell you right now. I saw Miss Tina

41:35

Knowles I saw the the mother the mother

41:37

bear to our our little

41:39

baby angel goddess bear Beyonce When

41:42

I when I bumped shoulders with Miss

41:44

Tina Knowles, she is stunning. She is

41:46

flawless. She is is just

41:48

everything I Gasp

41:51

out loud. That was pretty

41:53

cool. Also Renee rap. I would love to have

41:55

you on the podcast she is

41:57

like a walking angel of cool,

42:00

coolness and usefulness and fun.

42:03

And also Alison Williams was dropped at gorgeous. This

42:07

episode of Absolutely Not is brought to

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of a website or domain. Now back to the

45:23

podcast. Who was the

45:26

funniest person you talked to myself? I

45:28

would say out of the comedy pool, I am

45:30

absolutely the most talented person at all of these

45:32

parties. So I, you know, I was alone a

45:34

lot of these parties just doing laps. No,

45:37

but my girl Casey Wilson, if you don't listen to bitch sesh,

45:39

you should. Um, she's iconic. Y'all

45:41

you have to realize it wasn't like, it

45:44

wasn't like Kylian Murphy was running up to

45:46

chitchat. Okay. I was just kind of like

45:49

a fly on the wall, eating my burger,

45:51

drinking my tequilas. I knew a lot of

45:53

people's agents. My attorney shout out to Dean

45:55

Baha was there. Like I was saying hi

45:57

to the folks, uh, Sunnina.

46:00

Debra and Shawn White. I see them at every

46:02

party. They're great people and I love and adore

46:04

them. So it was like, you know, I

46:06

was just kind of cruising. I wasn't

46:08

getting the cast of Oppenheimer asking me

46:11

to go outside and, you

46:13

know, be in a blunt rotation. That was

46:15

not the vibe. Would I have gone? If

46:18

Emily Blunt wanted me to smoke a blunt, your

46:20

girl would have. But I was kind of just

46:22

by the pizza bar, just, you know, shoveling food

46:24

in my mouth. All right. How

46:26

did you channel Joan Rivers? Well, every day I get

46:29

up, I try and challenge Joan Rivers. You

46:31

know, I try and put on a mink stall.

46:33

I like to put on jewels, some

46:35

real, some fake. And I like to just

46:38

give zero fucks because that's what Joan would do.

46:40

WWJD, what would Joan do? And

46:43

she was everything. She's the reason, you

46:46

know, I didn't even really take a

46:48

moment to actually absorb the

46:50

fact that I kind of was

46:53

stepping into Joan's role. I never

46:56

really thought about that. I mean, everyone was like,

46:58

Oh, you do Joan proud, but it wasn't fashion

47:00

police. I still had to be like super buttoned

47:02

up and nice about the things I said. But

47:04

when I wanted to bite my tongue about Billie

47:06

Eilish's socks on the Oscars red carpet, I didn't,

47:08

I said it. So one small

47:10

step for a white woman, one giant

47:12

step for comedians everywhere. And

47:15

that was a quote from NASA. What

47:18

else? Shout out to Joan, though. She's the

47:20

best. If you've never seen a piece of work, you have

47:22

to see it. It is her documentary. If you're not a

47:24

Joan Rivers fan, because maybe you're a little bit younger

47:26

and you don't know her legacy, you need to watch

47:28

a piece of work. She is the reason

47:30

why I got into comedy. So the fact that any part

47:32

of my career is full circle and that I get to

47:34

sit on a panel or do what she did on the

47:36

red carpet is an honor and a pledge. What

47:39

bras do you wear to keep the girls

47:41

in all these glam dresses? We need to

47:43

know. Okay, actually, Skims has a phenomenal bodysuit

47:45

right now. And it's like,

47:48

it sucks you in, but it's not like

47:50

you can't get your breath in and actually

47:52

give support for the girls. So the Skims

47:54

bodysuit that is removable straps, but it's just

47:57

a strapless little thing. It's great.

47:59

I'm into the Skims. right now. I always love

48:01

my Spanx. Spanx has got great athletic wear

48:03

but for this particular thing I needed the

48:05

skims because I just sit the whole time.

48:07

So I couldn't be sitting and things too

48:09

tight. What was it like working with a

48:11

stylist for the after parties? You'll

48:13

expect. Honestly all I have

48:15

worked with stylists before that did not

48:17

know how to dress my body type and

48:19

it's been night and day. Sonya knows how

48:21

to dress a woman with curves and

48:23

you know listen I hope one day

48:26

that I can have custom-made stuff. You

48:28

know I think it's inspiring to see

48:30

curvy girls like Danielle Brooks, Divine Joy,

48:32

you know so many

48:34

other women on the red carpet for

48:36

the long admission. Melissa McCarthy it's so

48:38

nice to see that they can get

48:40

dressed by huge big

48:42

fashion houses. I'm not there yet. Nobody

48:45

nobody from Louis Vuitton has thrown their

48:47

name in the ring to dress me.

48:49

We're gonna get there though. Next Vanity

48:51

Fair party I'm gonna be in something

48:53

so Rodarte. Okay

48:55

I'm gonna be in Dior.

48:59

What's what's what? No Versace.

49:01

Versace and Gucci is actually who

49:04

I'd really love to dress me because Jessica Chastain

49:06

is also always wears Gucci and that was my

49:08

girl. Dude I was hoping Jessica Chastain

49:10

was gonna be there. She wasn't there. She

49:12

was not there. We're buddies on Instagram.

49:14

I just want that. That was my one celebrity.

49:16

I was like if Jessica Chastain is here I'm

49:19

just gonna go and give her a little kiss

49:21

and I could do that because at the Vanity Fair party

49:23

once you're in baby things can get weird. It

49:26

was nice though to have somebody else say

49:29

I got you. It wasn't me last minute

49:31

frantically going on ASOS being like does this

49:33

look cheap. Me trying to order

49:35

a million things online and frantically trying to figure

49:37

it out. You know that's why I wear a

49:40

uniform on the road. Show me your moo moo

49:42

has made me custom suits in every color. I

49:44

like to razzle dazzle. I also like to feel

49:46

comfortable. I don't know how people pick out new

49:49

outfits every weekend. Nothing fucking fits. My wide back

49:51

and my thick shoulders. So to

49:53

have somebody another woman who said you know what

49:55

I'm gonna pull these things. I know your sizes.

49:58

I'm taking the workout. You just come in. in and we're

50:00

gonna make it feel fabulous. Sonya, if

50:02

you're listening, I don't think you understand what a

50:04

blessing you are in my life to be

50:07

able to take on the challenge of

50:09

somehow draping fabric over these mastodon

50:12

shoulders. Thank you for doing that. Were

50:15

the people partying behind all actors?

50:17

The people who were hanging out for like

50:19

on set while we were shooting for the

50:22

pre-show where yeah, they were, I don't know,

50:24

maybe people staying at the hotel. I didn't really

50:26

get to chitchat with any of the common folk,

50:28

which is, that's on me. That's

50:31

on me that I didn't have. What

50:34

is your favorite look of all the glam you

50:36

did this season? Oh, my favorite look. I thought

50:38

the look at the Emmys right out the gate,

50:40

it was tight, it was fitted. That's the other

50:42

thing Sonya told me. She goes, you know what?

50:44

Don't talk about badly about your body. Yes,

50:46

your shoulders are offensively large, but the rest,

50:49

you got a thin ankle, like lean into

50:51

what's good. All of the looks were

50:53

great. I will say, I'll tell you this right now, waking

50:56

up on Monday and having that Vanity

50:58

Fair photo, even if two people wanted to take

51:00

my photo and my tits are out and I'm

51:03

in that silver dress. I said, I hope somebody

51:05

from Universal sees this and they go,

51:08

we should have picked up our show. I felt

51:10

hot. I felt hottest in that dress and it was

51:12

very comfortable. I was able to eat at least three in and out

51:14

burgers. Who are we sleeping

51:16

on? What's the lab with surprisingly nicest, funniest,

51:18

smartest, warmest? Who are we sleeping

51:21

on? I don't think we're sleeping on

51:23

anybody. I'll tell you this though. Say

51:26

as it is earlier, I loved

51:28

Barbie. I

51:31

wanted it to win everything. I think obviously the industry was

51:33

sleeping on that, but I think there needs to be

51:35

a little shakeup at the Oscars. There

51:37

needs to be a comedy category because

51:39

unless the movie is about something really

51:41

fucking depressing, you can't win anything.

51:44

You know what? I would

51:46

say that comedians, we're out here really

51:48

changing lives, bringing the gift of joy

51:51

and laughter and giggles. I don't want

51:53

to cry anymore. Now, would I be

51:55

a phenomenal dramatic actress? Absolutely.

51:58

I would love to do the biopic of... Anna

52:00

Nicole Smith, you know, I'm probably not petite enough

52:02

to play an early Joan Rivers, but that would

52:04

be a dream role for me. I

52:07

could do a movie about something sad in

52:09

history. You know, what was sad? I probably

52:11

can't play Cleopatra. What's the sad time? Betsy

52:14

Ross. Let me play Betsy

52:16

Ross. You know how hard it was to

52:18

put the flag together? Very hard. I

52:20

would love to play a, you know, put

52:22

me in a historic corset, a

52:25

nice Victorian timepiece, and let me

52:27

thrive. I'll do it. I would

52:29

love to do the work, but I do think

52:31

that it is time that comedies start

52:34

really getting the shine that they deserve,

52:36

period. Period. You

52:38

know what? It's like when you go for that Creature Comfort

52:40

movie, you know, you don't watch Schindler's List because it's

52:43

sad. You know what I watched? Dumb

52:45

and dumber. They

52:47

should have gotten some Oscars. Also,

52:49

when Ryan Gosling got up and he was

52:51

doing I'm Just Kin, and he's laughing to

52:53

himself, but he was like, so he was

52:55

so committed to the bit. I'm like,

52:57

this is why people watch movies. It's

53:00

storytelling. But this is why we watch it, to

53:02

be entertained. Not everything gets

53:04

to be so freaking sad. Who was

53:06

really kind, though? I think who's

53:08

really kind? I mean, you know, I

53:11

love all my comedy buddies. Shout

53:13

out to Matt Rogers. So

53:15

good to see Benito, Benny. Like I just,

53:17

I got to stick with my own clique.

53:19

Oh, you know who's actually so lovely? Francesca,

53:22

who is one of the Italian girls from

53:24

White Lotus. She was lovely. And we did

53:26

two kisses on the cheek and spoke in

53:28

broken Italian. And that made my day. What

53:31

did I do for Skin Prep? I got

53:33

a facial from Is Clinical, and I use

53:35

their Reparative Moisture Emulsion and it's changed my

53:38

life. Not Oscars related,

53:40

but would you go on the traitors

53:42

if asked? I absolutely would. I'm not

53:44

a traitor. Okay. I'm

53:46

a BFF for life, but would I make great fucking

53:48

television? You bet your ass I would. Let's

53:51

see. A great question. What are my three favorite

53:54

movies ever? Easy. Spice World. They

53:57

hit movie from the Spice Girls. Glueless

54:01

and Dumb and Dumber. And

54:03

I'll find anybody in the streets about it. Should

54:05

I say something like the Godfather? Maybe my cousin

54:08

Vinny, I do love my cousin Vinny, but probably

54:10

it's Spice World, Glueless, and Dumb

54:12

and Dumber. And if you can't get

54:14

on my level, tune out! Tune

54:17

out, Tony! Did you

54:19

meet Ryan Gosling? I did not. Because here's

54:21

the other thing. When you go

54:23

to the Vanity Fair party, you're allotted an

54:25

arrival time. So everybody who just won an

54:27

Oscar goes back to the hotel, they do

54:29

a 30 minute quick change, and they go

54:31

immediately to the party. I had

54:34

a 10 p.m. arrival time, which means I was

54:36

still in the mix, but definitely I think Ryan

54:38

Gosling had gone home by that point. Don't worry,

54:40

I waited. I waited, I left at 1.30. I

54:44

was leaving with all the art directors and

54:46

the people a little bit more behind the scenes, but I was in

54:48

the mix. And

54:50

don't you forget it. Did

54:53

Jeff like your silver tassel dress because you

54:55

looked incredible? Thank you. He

54:57

did. He put a photo in it and he said, sit on my

54:59

face. So hey, she still got it. It's

55:03

all about fashion and fun, but I'm giving

55:05

y'all the real tea. The real tea of

55:07

life is, life's gonna throw you

55:09

curve balls. And here I was this entire year thinking I

55:11

had figured it out. I was like, okay, we're gonna wrap

55:13

up the tour. We're gonna do this. Awards season will be

55:15

over. And I know I'm gonna be shooting a pilot in

55:17

June, and that's gonna be my summer, and then I'll go

55:20

back on the road, da-da-da. And God said,

55:22

no. I don't know. I didn't expect

55:24

to get an invitation to the Vanity Fair party.

55:26

I didn't expect things to turn out the way

55:28

they did, but it all happened for a reason.

55:30

And I'm a nice gal on this business. And

55:33

could I be a cunt one day? Sure. I

55:35

don't know when. Maybe when I star in the

55:37

hit movie, Betsy Ross. But I don't.

55:40

I was actually in an improv comedy troupe called

55:42

Betsy Ross. Thank you. I did the marketing

55:44

and advertising and branding, obviously. But

55:46

would I, you know, maybe I will become

55:48

a giant, enormous bitch once I am nominated

55:50

for an Oscar. But until

55:52

then, you know, I'm a humble gal, even

55:55

if only three people wanna take my photos. Even

55:58

if I have to yell at them, I'm Heather. fucking McMahon.

56:01

Just remember no matter what you're going through,

56:04

Satan will try and put you down, but just

56:06

stay embarrassed for him and remember when

56:09

God closes one door he opens a window.

56:11

You can either plummet to your death or

56:14

you can just feel the cool breeze on your face and

56:16

know that maybe sometimes you

56:18

just got to go back to the drawing board. So

56:21

if that window is open remember

56:23

shut it and get

56:25

back to work. Wow look at

56:28

how full circle that game around.

56:30

Guys remember I'm gonna be at Madison

56:32

Square Garden March 27th with the Garden of Laughs

56:34

get your tickets at I think Ticketmaster. That's also

56:37

something exciting to look forward to. I get

56:39

to perform at the big wigs. You

56:41

know I just think I have to remember even

56:44

with even if y'all see me you think

56:46

I'm crushing it. I still have my insecure

56:48

moments too but never forget. Remind

56:52

them of your name and say I

56:54

gotta see at this table too and

56:56

hey Garcon I'd like another In-N-Out burger.

56:59

I love you I mean it. I hope this

57:01

was entertaining enough. I'm also kind of brain dead.

57:04

I didn't even do any drugs with celebrities this

57:06

weekend but I'll tell you what I've been talking

57:08

I've been wheeling and dealing and we're going back

57:10

to the drawing board and that's a beautiful thing.

57:12

Also Los Angeles I will be performing on Sunday

57:15

May 5th at the Netflix is a joke comedy festival. I

57:17

got my own show at the Mont Blanc

57:19

theater. It's a little

57:22

bit of a mouthful but get your tickets. I'm gonna

57:24

bring wigs. I'm gonna bring friends. It's gonna be a

57:26

zany night of comedy and again I'll

57:28

be in Sacramento and I'll be in Salt Lake

57:31

City. Those are the last two shows on this

57:33

tour right now. We're wrapping up the comeback tour

57:35

and then you'll be lucky to see me for

57:38

a minute because I'm gonna go shoot

57:40

Dune 3. I'm doing

57:42

Dune 3. I don't haven't seen part 2. I

57:44

don't know if there's a third part after the

57:46

second but I'm telling you right now you heard

57:48

it here first. Put me in a

57:50

worm costume. You know drape me in

57:52

some sort of you

57:55

know cape. I

57:57

can be a desert wizard or whatever.

57:59

I'd like be in Dune 3, Ask,

58:01

Believe, Receive and shut that window.

58:03

Love you mean it. Help. I'm

58:05

a celebrity. Get me out of here. Ciao,

58:08

Bella. A river to cheat. Bye. Thanks

58:13

so much for listening to today's episode. Don't

58:15

forget to subscribe,

58:17

latest on labor review and as

58:19

always follow me on Instagram at HeathersKNickman.

58:21

See you guys soon. Please

58:49

note that this episode may contain paid

58:51

endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

58:54

Individuals on the show may have a

58:56

direct or indirect financial interest in products

58:58

or services referred to in this episode.